Just a quick blog because I was shaking from not having blogged for more the 24 hours haha, just kidding. I'm not a freak. I sometimes wish there was a blog machine attached to my head at all times, so I can just steam my thoughts onto a blog. There is so many things I think of that I promise I'm going to blog about but forget about.
Here is a quote I just read from someones facebook profile:
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."- Marilyn Monroe
In the past I would normally just tell myself that it's bullshit and selfish, but now I think those are words of wisdom. Only when you experience pain does it make sense not to try and be perfect. When you try to help others, only you lose. But sometimes, it's still worth it to me, maybe someday, somehow, I can change the world a little.
Here is something I just read out of a Christian youth group book which is actually a very good spiritual read. "...thats not to say that you shouldn't trust your close friends, but you shouldn't become so wrapped up in any one person that your entire well-being depends on their friendship." So even the bible teaches you that being a dedicated friend will only lead to trouble. That is exactly my problem, all my energy goes into keeping relationships healthy, and when it fails, I fail. Is this the same theory I should live by when it comes to women? I always imagined my wife being someone I would invest my whole soul into, my whole life, my whole being. Being bound my marriage means love forever right? Now that I just wrote that out, I think no. Marriage is just a legal bond isn't it? I should really be asking, does being bound by love mean that you are bound together forever? I used to think so, but maybe I need to rediscover what love really means. Love like communication works so much better when it is two ways. I think I have been driving down one way lane.
Yesterday I got home early and I went down to the park and played some basketball with Dick and Jon. It was lots of fun and I really want to get into basketball again soon. Dick won the game of 21 then Jon and I played some one on one. I won the first game, Jon the second and then I won the tie breaker. I wanted to test myself because a few months ago Dean and I played at the Rec Center and I beat him off sheer will. I made up my mind I wasn't going to lose and I pushed myself. I tested my will against Jon and again I came out on top. My determination is something I take a lot of pride in. I think the best comes out of me when I am competing. Some people might think I'm crazy when they see me compete, but I just think they don't understand. Everyone should be driven, everyone should challenge their selves. I think people don't understand me because they aren't driven, people want things to be easy and given to them. I hate to bring this into play again, but again with the pills. People want a quick solution. Thats the world we live in. When I was younger, I thought maybe I was a little crazy for getting furious when playing sports, I no longer I think that. I think people who don't show that emotion are weak.
Fuck, I had something important I wanted to follow up with but I got caught up and forgot what I wanted to talk about. Oh well. I've had a lot of alone time lately and I've been playing the guitar non-stop. My finger tips are really raw and I cut them on something today so it hurts to play, but the guitar has been so kind to me lately. I actually came up with 3 or 4 guitar parts and I am excited to see what I can make of them. I got some musical ideas building up and I really want to express them. Oh, I haven't made a big deal of the Early November concert yet! But this coming Wednesday I am going to the last Minnesota Early November show. I can't believe they are calling it quits. Such an amazing band, I hope they come back together in the future. They aren't playing with anyone I know, but this could be their last show, I have to go. The timing couldn't be any better. Concerts are like a spiritual cleansing to me and I need to be refreshed after all the stuff that has been going on. I think after Wednesday, I will feel a lot better and I think I will be over all of this shit. BUT, I do think come Wednesday, I won't be the same person. I think my "light" has been darkened and my view on the world and people have been tainted. I don't expect me to be the same person. Much more defensive.
I just watched my first episode of Weeds and I'm probably going to go smash another one out right now.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Lafe Smith
I just read an article stating that U.S. sales for sleeping pills hit $3.7 billion last year. Amazing how people are so quick to take a pill. Do you what is actually in it? Do you know who produced it? Do you know what it is doing to your body? We have become a society that relies on the pill to much. We don't challenge ourselves to do things naturally anymore. Don't you think there are reasons why your body is struggling to sleep? Don't you think its some sort of messages? Are you just going to swallow these pills for the rest of your life? All this is actually quite embarrassing. One second, be right back, let me finish reading this article.
"His theory is that during sleep, the brain evaluates recently learned information and decides what to do with it." -Very interesting, something I think I can agree with.
"Sleep is not an optional enterprise. All mammals do it. So do birds, reptiles, and even fruit flies. Rats deprived of sleep apparently die faster than those deprived of food." -We understand that it is not optional, yet we don't fully understand it. Why don't we put some focus into this instead of what we should do about Iraq. Oh right, no one cares about what it means to be human.
Cool article.
Something that kind of relates and is on my mind, again, is Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. How does everyone have this disease? I read that it affects 3-5% of our population and that 3-5% must be located in the northwest suburbs of Minneapolis. I don't remember meeting any one in Minneapolis with ADD, only after I moved to Plymouth. I think the whole idea of ADD is fake, and excuse. It doesn't exist, its a medical excuse excusing people to act stupid. Another excuse to take dugs. Here is a list of symptoms I found: hyperactivity, forgetfulness, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Basically, people that aren't in touch with them selves as human beings. I agree we aren't created equally, but there is no reason you can't sit still, unless you have some physical defect where you ass cheeks are weird. Its sad that western medicine excuses these people. I also read that there is no cure for ADD, probably because you can't cure what isn't there. I was trying to find a stat comparing the U.S to other countries trying to see if ADD was a U.S dominated "disease" but couldn't. Either way, sounds like a bunch of B.S to me. But I shouldn't be to harsh, I'm a person who stays calm even in the most intense pressure situations, maybe I'm being unfair. Nah!
I have another mission/project on top of my RPG mission and blog mission. After I organize my laptop and hard drive, I am planning on making hard copies of all my music files. I enjoy the digital world and I don't think I could last long without it, but it scares me. Things can disappear to quickly and I would be devastated if I lost my music collection, one of my most cherished possessions. Might take me a couple of cds or dvds but it'll be well worth it.
There is this Chinese girl sitting next to me and just her breath is effecting me. What is it about these people? Not that its a horrible thing, there are so many worse things a human being could do, but how does this always happen?
Again, I've found so many things and so many things have found me during a hard time to keep me up. I talked about a couple of times already in the past blogs, but I have a note here telling me to write about it again. It lets me know that there is still some good in this world, even if it is only a little bit. Good is scattered in small pieces all around, sometimes it comes to you, sometimes you have to find it. Its cool to see how people can affect your life and not even know it, its cool to see how unexpected people come out to help you, its cool to see how amazing timing is, its cool to see how people can sense your pain when they haven't even seen you for an extended period of time. Simply amazing. A couple of people I should thank are:
Ving - He was the first to offer condolence, even though we haven't seen each other for probably over a month. He just senses these things. We just recently met, and I don't know much about him, but from what I can see, he seems like a great person.
Peter - Has pretty much been there each step. Manages to keep my chin up every time it starts to dip.
Lysie - Just weird timing. We hadn't seen each other for a couple of years and she just happened to call me up during this phase of my life. Had an awesome chat with her while she was in town for her spring break.
Meg&Dia - haha, I don't even know them personally, but their writings sure touch me.
Anonymous blog commenter - haha, I'm glad you wrote one un-anonymous. Thank you again for all your kind words.
One last thing before I end this blog. We are studying world war 2 and the Civil Right movement right now in U.S history and I find both topics to be of interest. Something that really confuses me is how people say the Pearl Harbor attack was cheap because the U.S didn't know it was coming. I'm sure if the roles were flipped, the U.S would have done the exact same thing. What did they want Japan to do, call them, letting them know that they are going to bomb them? "Hey whats up man? We the Japanese military are planning to bomb Pearl Harbor on Dec 7th 1941, so you might want to watch out. We just saw that you guys have a lot of supplies sitting around that area and thought it would be to our advantage to blow that shit up. Thanks, I hope you guys are ready to fight" Why would anyone do that!? It always the loser that brings the winners honor into question. The same thing always happened to me when I used to play Halo2 online. I am going to use everything the game developers put in the game to my advantage. How can anything be cheap if you can do the same thing? Hacking is a different story, but even most glitches I can put up with since they are a part of the game. It always upsets me when people say the "noob combo" in Halo is cheap or when they say frag tagging in Gears of War is cheap. No its not, its in the game, use it. But I guess these are the same kids were taught that the Pearl Harbor attack was cheap. Its baffling to me. And what are all these war rules? How could there be rules to war? "All is fair in love and war," lets just stick to that. I understand people are trying to protect human morals, but I don't see how all of that can mix.
Alright, enough bitching.
"His theory is that during sleep, the brain evaluates recently learned information and decides what to do with it." -Very interesting, something I think I can agree with.
"Sleep is not an optional enterprise. All mammals do it. So do birds, reptiles, and even fruit flies. Rats deprived of sleep apparently die faster than those deprived of food." -We understand that it is not optional, yet we don't fully understand it. Why don't we put some focus into this instead of what we should do about Iraq. Oh right, no one cares about what it means to be human.
Cool article.
Something that kind of relates and is on my mind, again, is Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. How does everyone have this disease? I read that it affects 3-5% of our population and that 3-5% must be located in the northwest suburbs of Minneapolis. I don't remember meeting any one in Minneapolis with ADD, only after I moved to Plymouth. I think the whole idea of ADD is fake, and excuse. It doesn't exist, its a medical excuse excusing people to act stupid. Another excuse to take dugs. Here is a list of symptoms I found: hyperactivity, forgetfulness, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Basically, people that aren't in touch with them selves as human beings. I agree we aren't created equally, but there is no reason you can't sit still, unless you have some physical defect where you ass cheeks are weird. Its sad that western medicine excuses these people. I also read that there is no cure for ADD, probably because you can't cure what isn't there. I was trying to find a stat comparing the U.S to other countries trying to see if ADD was a U.S dominated "disease" but couldn't. Either way, sounds like a bunch of B.S to me. But I shouldn't be to harsh, I'm a person who stays calm even in the most intense pressure situations, maybe I'm being unfair. Nah!
I have another mission/project on top of my RPG mission and blog mission. After I organize my laptop and hard drive, I am planning on making hard copies of all my music files. I enjoy the digital world and I don't think I could last long without it, but it scares me. Things can disappear to quickly and I would be devastated if I lost my music collection, one of my most cherished possessions. Might take me a couple of cds or dvds but it'll be well worth it.
There is this Chinese girl sitting next to me and just her breath is effecting me. What is it about these people? Not that its a horrible thing, there are so many worse things a human being could do, but how does this always happen?
Again, I've found so many things and so many things have found me during a hard time to keep me up. I talked about a couple of times already in the past blogs, but I have a note here telling me to write about it again. It lets me know that there is still some good in this world, even if it is only a little bit. Good is scattered in small pieces all around, sometimes it comes to you, sometimes you have to find it. Its cool to see how people can affect your life and not even know it, its cool to see how unexpected people come out to help you, its cool to see how amazing timing is, its cool to see how people can sense your pain when they haven't even seen you for an extended period of time. Simply amazing. A couple of people I should thank are:
Ving - He was the first to offer condolence, even though we haven't seen each other for probably over a month. He just senses these things. We just recently met, and I don't know much about him, but from what I can see, he seems like a great person.
Peter - Has pretty much been there each step. Manages to keep my chin up every time it starts to dip.
Lysie - Just weird timing. We hadn't seen each other for a couple of years and she just happened to call me up during this phase of my life. Had an awesome chat with her while she was in town for her spring break.
Meg&Dia - haha, I don't even know them personally, but their writings sure touch me.
Anonymous blog commenter - haha, I'm glad you wrote one un-anonymous. Thank you again for all your kind words.
One last thing before I end this blog. We are studying world war 2 and the Civil Right movement right now in U.S history and I find both topics to be of interest. Something that really confuses me is how people say the Pearl Harbor attack was cheap because the U.S didn't know it was coming. I'm sure if the roles were flipped, the U.S would have done the exact same thing. What did they want Japan to do, call them, letting them know that they are going to bomb them? "Hey whats up man? We the Japanese military are planning to bomb Pearl Harbor on Dec 7th 1941, so you might want to watch out. We just saw that you guys have a lot of supplies sitting around that area and thought it would be to our advantage to blow that shit up. Thanks, I hope you guys are ready to fight" Why would anyone do that!? It always the loser that brings the winners honor into question. The same thing always happened to me when I used to play Halo2 online. I am going to use everything the game developers put in the game to my advantage. How can anything be cheap if you can do the same thing? Hacking is a different story, but even most glitches I can put up with since they are a part of the game. It always upsets me when people say the "noob combo" in Halo is cheap or when they say frag tagging in Gears of War is cheap. No its not, its in the game, use it. But I guess these are the same kids were taught that the Pearl Harbor attack was cheap. Its baffling to me. And what are all these war rules? How could there be rules to war? "All is fair in love and war," lets just stick to that. I understand people are trying to protect human morals, but I don't see how all of that can mix.
Alright, enough bitching.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Meg&Dia
Meg and Dia both wrote a couple of blogs that I had to gank and post so I could remember. I don't know if its what they intended, but I pulled out some good lessons out of them.
Meg Frampton"s tour blog:
This morning, as I ravenously bit into a bagel and cream cheese from the continental breakfast at our hotel, Shannon received a disconcerting call from Nick. "You guys better come outside," he blurted. I left my bagel barely touched, and paced hurriedly towards our van and trailer. Instantly I detected missing pieces of equipment from our carefully planned out "Tetris" packing in the trailer. Carlo's guitars and pedal board: gone. Jon's bass:gone. Nick's laptop: gone. Yup, we had been robbed. For some reason, my equipment, which was the most easily accessible and not to mention most expensive remained. What luck? Undeserved surely. Carlo realized the situation and immediately lit a cigarette and wandered off to a corner of a parking lot where he could mourn the loss. Jon bent down and tenderly kissed his remaining bass. Nick, as usual, proceeded to take care of business in a stern solemn manner, never once losing his composure. "We are going to need to call the police. We shouldn't touch anything until they get here. Does everyone have insurance?" he spoke as he began to trod back and forth in deep thought. I collapsed onto the cement Indian style. How could anyone do this to us?
We endured the six hour van ride in a grave silence. It could have been worse. Thankfully we're all alive. We muttered these and countless other epithets that usually comfort people in situations such as ours. I wrote in my journal necessary steps needed to be taken immediately:
1. Insure all equipment, 2. bring guitars and all valuables into hotel room every night, etc.I texted other bands about our situation.
We got to the venue. Anberlin, Bayside, and Jonezetta all rushed outside to meet us. I believe I received 27 hugs of concern and affection before I had even stepped out of the van. "I'm so sorry", they all said and then began to relate to us similar stories that they or other band buddies had experienced. In a melancholy tone I reassured them all was well and this too shall pass.
We loaded in with the help of the House of Blues crewmembers.
Afterward, we all congregated in the green room to partake of the excellent catering offered at all House of Blues: macaroni pasta and marinara, pasta and caesar salad, sugar cookies, and candied corn. I never drink caffeine but I felt like I might need a bit to get me through the night so I reached into the Meg and Dia cooler for a diet Coke.
Anthony from Bayside appeared in the doorway with a sly smile plastered on his face and a large envelope in his hand with Meg and Dia scrawled along the front in a hurried hand writing. "This is for you guys" he simply stated and set the envelope in Dia's lap. "What's this?" she asked as she opened the envelope to peer down into a very large sum of money. "No..." she began as her and I both stared in wonder at the timid faces of all the bands all coyly looking in our direction. "Take it," spoke out one of them, "you guys need it. We've all been there". I couldn't believe it. All day I had been questioning if there was any good left in humanity. But here, right in front of us appeared a perfect example of kindness. I won't complain again, I said to myself. I felt companionship with the other people on this tour. We had sealed a bond with their generous gift and our hesitant acceptance of it. If only I could learn to be so generous and supportive of those around me. So different and grand a contrast was this behavior than the stereotypical band.
Weren't bands supposed to trash green rooms and shout obscenities into the crowds adoring and worshipping them?
Bottom line, we are so lucky to be on this tour. I won't forget it or the people that made it. Misfortune has befallen us but within the darkness light was shed, the light of humanity that will remain I believe. That is timeless. Thank you Anberlin, Bayside, and Jonezetta. Your support has been very much appreciated!
March 27, 2007
Dia Diaryblog- New Orleans
March 26, 07
So, I make a lot of our merch designs, and since we are leaving on a new tour very shortly after Anberlin, I started sketching away. I'm terrible with computers, plus I like the feel of pencil to paper "art," so I do them all the slow way. Anyways, I got about four done, and went to scan them in myself at kinkos because Nick was being very impatient with my lazy self that day and told me to go in there, ask for help, and learn how to scan stuff to a disc myself. So I did.
I asked the guy for help, and he gladly obliged, speaking in between scans about his work and his life. It was really weird because he started talking about this lady that had come in the other day with photos of her husband's "last heartbeat." I guess, she got a print from the hospital computers of his last heartbeat and had actually brought it into kinko's. He said she started to cry in between every scan, and inbetween sobbs, asked if he would be so kind as to put it on a disc so she could save it on her computer and look at it and keep it with her forever.
I wish I had a love like that.
However, being around so many "unfaithfuls," as well as my own thoughts, makes the idea of it extremeley depressing.
Sometimes I wonder if she saved the heartbeat to her computer screen. Maybe she pulls it up every now and then, gets a bottle of Merlot, turns on the discovery channel, gives herself a homemade, pathetic manicure...and remembers him.
Dia.
P.s. Our trailor got broken into today. Two guitars were taken. A jazz 1997 Vintage bass, Wireless systems, laptops and guitar boats. It really sucked. However, we're still alive. And the world is still turning.
They both write so eloquently. The blogs timing couldn't be better. During a time where I have been some major soul searching and during a time where I've been doubting people, they write stories about how maybe there is still some good in this world. Its very uplifting. I really like Dia's choice of using the word "unfaithful."
Meg Frampton"s tour blog:
This morning, as I ravenously bit into a bagel and cream cheese from the continental breakfast at our hotel, Shannon received a disconcerting call from Nick. "You guys better come outside," he blurted. I left my bagel barely touched, and paced hurriedly towards our van and trailer. Instantly I detected missing pieces of equipment from our carefully planned out "Tetris" packing in the trailer. Carlo's guitars and pedal board: gone. Jon's bass:gone. Nick's laptop: gone. Yup, we had been robbed. For some reason, my equipment, which was the most easily accessible and not to mention most expensive remained. What luck? Undeserved surely. Carlo realized the situation and immediately lit a cigarette and wandered off to a corner of a parking lot where he could mourn the loss. Jon bent down and tenderly kissed his remaining bass. Nick, as usual, proceeded to take care of business in a stern solemn manner, never once losing his composure. "We are going to need to call the police. We shouldn't touch anything until they get here. Does everyone have insurance?" he spoke as he began to trod back and forth in deep thought. I collapsed onto the cement Indian style. How could anyone do this to us?
We endured the six hour van ride in a grave silence. It could have been worse. Thankfully we're all alive. We muttered these and countless other epithets that usually comfort people in situations such as ours. I wrote in my journal necessary steps needed to be taken immediately:
1. Insure all equipment, 2. bring guitars and all valuables into hotel room every night, etc.I texted other bands about our situation.
We got to the venue. Anberlin, Bayside, and Jonezetta all rushed outside to meet us. I believe I received 27 hugs of concern and affection before I had even stepped out of the van. "I'm so sorry", they all said and then began to relate to us similar stories that they or other band buddies had experienced. In a melancholy tone I reassured them all was well and this too shall pass.
We loaded in with the help of the House of Blues crewmembers.
Afterward, we all congregated in the green room to partake of the excellent catering offered at all House of Blues: macaroni pasta and marinara, pasta and caesar salad, sugar cookies, and candied corn. I never drink caffeine but I felt like I might need a bit to get me through the night so I reached into the Meg and Dia cooler for a diet Coke.
Anthony from Bayside appeared in the doorway with a sly smile plastered on his face and a large envelope in his hand with Meg and Dia scrawled along the front in a hurried hand writing. "This is for you guys" he simply stated and set the envelope in Dia's lap. "What's this?" she asked as she opened the envelope to peer down into a very large sum of money. "No..." she began as her and I both stared in wonder at the timid faces of all the bands all coyly looking in our direction. "Take it," spoke out one of them, "you guys need it. We've all been there". I couldn't believe it. All day I had been questioning if there was any good left in humanity. But here, right in front of us appeared a perfect example of kindness. I won't complain again, I said to myself. I felt companionship with the other people on this tour. We had sealed a bond with their generous gift and our hesitant acceptance of it. If only I could learn to be so generous and supportive of those around me. So different and grand a contrast was this behavior than the stereotypical band.
Weren't bands supposed to trash green rooms and shout obscenities into the crowds adoring and worshipping them?
Bottom line, we are so lucky to be on this tour. I won't forget it or the people that made it. Misfortune has befallen us but within the darkness light was shed, the light of humanity that will remain I believe. That is timeless. Thank you Anberlin, Bayside, and Jonezetta. Your support has been very much appreciated!
March 27, 2007
Dia Diaryblog- New Orleans
March 26, 07
So, I make a lot of our merch designs, and since we are leaving on a new tour very shortly after Anberlin, I started sketching away. I'm terrible with computers, plus I like the feel of pencil to paper "art," so I do them all the slow way. Anyways, I got about four done, and went to scan them in myself at kinkos because Nick was being very impatient with my lazy self that day and told me to go in there, ask for help, and learn how to scan stuff to a disc myself. So I did.
I asked the guy for help, and he gladly obliged, speaking in between scans about his work and his life. It was really weird because he started talking about this lady that had come in the other day with photos of her husband's "last heartbeat." I guess, she got a print from the hospital computers of his last heartbeat and had actually brought it into kinko's. He said she started to cry in between every scan, and inbetween sobbs, asked if he would be so kind as to put it on a disc so she could save it on her computer and look at it and keep it with her forever.
I wish I had a love like that.
However, being around so many "unfaithfuls," as well as my own thoughts, makes the idea of it extremeley depressing.
Sometimes I wonder if she saved the heartbeat to her computer screen. Maybe she pulls it up every now and then, gets a bottle of Merlot, turns on the discovery channel, gives herself a homemade, pathetic manicure...and remembers him.
Dia.
P.s. Our trailor got broken into today. Two guitars were taken. A jazz 1997 Vintage bass, Wireless systems, laptops and guitar boats. It really sucked. However, we're still alive. And the world is still turning.
They both write so eloquently. The blogs timing couldn't be better. During a time where I have been some major soul searching and during a time where I've been doubting people, they write stories about how maybe there is still some good in this world. Its very uplifting. I really like Dia's choice of using the word "unfaithful."
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Scott Muer
I haven't gotten around to blogging about my weekend yet.
Friday started out with a little brunch with my Mom. Rock class, then Korean class where we finished My Little Bride which is a pretty good movie. Then I caught the bus where Peter picked me up (Thanks). We went to Ridgedale to buy our Early November tickets at the ticket master booth. We went to every corner of the mall before we found it, no joke, every corner. But we managed to get our T.E.N tickets and we plan to send T.E.N off in style. Sure going to miss their music. After Peter dropped me off because I thought I was going to go out and eat, but ended up not going. Then we all figured we should utilize the wonderful weather so we played catch outside for a little while. Jon left to go play some hockey or something so Peter and I chilled for a little while then Andy came over and so did Mitch. We played a little Melee and just had a really relaxing time. The timing couldn't be perfect. Sometimes I feel guilty when I am going through a tough time because there are so many good things in my life and I don't want to miss them just because I am feeling down. It was fun chilling with such an unusual group of friends. I say unusual because I don't think I can remember when it was just us four at one time. It worked though, everyone was in a good mood and we just goofed around the whole night.
Saturday started with church like usual. We had a little football action planed for 3:30 but I got home late because we had to drop someone off after church and when I got home Jon wouldn't answer his phone. I ran out the door as soon as I got home with my shoes and clothes and found Jon and Andy on Jon's deck chatting. We quickly drove down to the park where Sat and Sonny were waiting for us. We stretched for a little and got the game rolling. Sonny, Andy, and Me vs. Sat, Jon and Nick. I think I dropped the first catchable thrown to me. Jon played quarterback for them so defending was pretty easy, but once in a while Jon would switch off and I would have to gaurd him. Jon is a very dominate player. Our team convincingly won the first game. After people needed to take a little break so we drove over to Jon's for a water break. Then we went back to Bass Lake for one more game, same teams. The game was much closer and we had to go into over time. In over time I made a huge interception that swayed the whole game. I am a little impressed of myself because I rarely make interceptions but I'm glad I chose that time to do it. Someone called me out on the interception, even though I didn't think I was cause I was watching my feet the whole time, so we got the ball close to the end zone. I made a tip toe catch in the corner of the endzone and I thought it was a complete pass but no one else spoke up so we decided to re-do the play. Andy caught the winning pass (little bastard). A very good day of football. The weather was PERFECT! A little wind, a little shade, cool weather, perfect. I've noticed that I make a heck of a lot of tackles and if I'm not the first person to hit the runner then I am involved in the tackle. I always thought defense was my weak point but I guess I should give myself a little more credit. I am the only one that is fast enough and strong enough to defend Jon and I am the only person on both teams that plays with %1000 heart. Maybe add a few more zeros. I am beginning to think I am maybe a better defensive player. After football we went back to Jon's and sat around and chatted for a while. We had our fantasy baseball draft at 8:30 so I went home to shower and do that. I am for once happy with my draft, but that strikes some fear in me. Usually I am unhappy with my fantasy teams and for the past year I have won all my leagues, but now that I am happy with my draft, I am scared that my fortunes will flip. The only mistakes I made were a couple of time mistakes where I was forced to draft before I made a solid choice, maybe my first pick and my last pick since Dean stole a player. Almost a perfect draft. After the draft we dipped over to Applebees and got some wings. The girl that served us went to junior high with me. Isn't it always awkward when you talk to people you know, but don't know well enough to just say hi. Oh well. After Bees we went back to Jon's where we played some Melee. Andy, Dick and I slept over and started our RPG project with Kingdom Hearts. We didn't get very far. We were all tired and sore from football and for some reason we suck at that game. Hopefully we can beat that game pretty quick so we can move onto Final Fantasy 7.
Sunday we woke up a little before noon and continued out RPG mission. Later Jon needed to take a test so we rolled out. I think I took a nap when I got home and then did some homework and organized my life a little.
(I saved this as a draft and now its Thursday so I don't remember much, so I figure just post it)
Friday started out with a little brunch with my Mom. Rock class, then Korean class where we finished My Little Bride which is a pretty good movie. Then I caught the bus where Peter picked me up (Thanks). We went to Ridgedale to buy our Early November tickets at the ticket master booth. We went to every corner of the mall before we found it, no joke, every corner. But we managed to get our T.E.N tickets and we plan to send T.E.N off in style. Sure going to miss their music. After Peter dropped me off because I thought I was going to go out and eat, but ended up not going. Then we all figured we should utilize the wonderful weather so we played catch outside for a little while. Jon left to go play some hockey or something so Peter and I chilled for a little while then Andy came over and so did Mitch. We played a little Melee and just had a really relaxing time. The timing couldn't be perfect. Sometimes I feel guilty when I am going through a tough time because there are so many good things in my life and I don't want to miss them just because I am feeling down. It was fun chilling with such an unusual group of friends. I say unusual because I don't think I can remember when it was just us four at one time. It worked though, everyone was in a good mood and we just goofed around the whole night.
Saturday started with church like usual. We had a little football action planed for 3:30 but I got home late because we had to drop someone off after church and when I got home Jon wouldn't answer his phone. I ran out the door as soon as I got home with my shoes and clothes and found Jon and Andy on Jon's deck chatting. We quickly drove down to the park where Sat and Sonny were waiting for us. We stretched for a little and got the game rolling. Sonny, Andy, and Me vs. Sat, Jon and Nick. I think I dropped the first catchable thrown to me. Jon played quarterback for them so defending was pretty easy, but once in a while Jon would switch off and I would have to gaurd him. Jon is a very dominate player. Our team convincingly won the first game. After people needed to take a little break so we drove over to Jon's for a water break. Then we went back to Bass Lake for one more game, same teams. The game was much closer and we had to go into over time. In over time I made a huge interception that swayed the whole game. I am a little impressed of myself because I rarely make interceptions but I'm glad I chose that time to do it. Someone called me out on the interception, even though I didn't think I was cause I was watching my feet the whole time, so we got the ball close to the end zone. I made a tip toe catch in the corner of the endzone and I thought it was a complete pass but no one else spoke up so we decided to re-do the play. Andy caught the winning pass (little bastard). A very good day of football. The weather was PERFECT! A little wind, a little shade, cool weather, perfect. I've noticed that I make a heck of a lot of tackles and if I'm not the first person to hit the runner then I am involved in the tackle. I always thought defense was my weak point but I guess I should give myself a little more credit. I am the only one that is fast enough and strong enough to defend Jon and I am the only person on both teams that plays with %1000 heart. Maybe add a few more zeros. I am beginning to think I am maybe a better defensive player. After football we went back to Jon's and sat around and chatted for a while. We had our fantasy baseball draft at 8:30 so I went home to shower and do that. I am for once happy with my draft, but that strikes some fear in me. Usually I am unhappy with my fantasy teams and for the past year I have won all my leagues, but now that I am happy with my draft, I am scared that my fortunes will flip. The only mistakes I made were a couple of time mistakes where I was forced to draft before I made a solid choice, maybe my first pick and my last pick since Dean stole a player. Almost a perfect draft. After the draft we dipped over to Applebees and got some wings. The girl that served us went to junior high with me. Isn't it always awkward when you talk to people you know, but don't know well enough to just say hi. Oh well. After Bees we went back to Jon's where we played some Melee. Andy, Dick and I slept over and started our RPG project with Kingdom Hearts. We didn't get very far. We were all tired and sore from football and for some reason we suck at that game. Hopefully we can beat that game pretty quick so we can move onto Final Fantasy 7.
Sunday we woke up a little before noon and continued out RPG mission. Later Jon needed to take a test so we rolled out. I think I took a nap when I got home and then did some homework and organized my life a little.
(I saved this as a draft and now its Thursday so I don't remember much, so I figure just post it)
Dreams
Seems like I've been having a lot of dreams lately. Really vivid dreams that stick with me even after I wake up.
I saw some people playing hacky sack outside the other day and it was amazing. Those people are so coordinated and can hit the sack in any position with accuracy. It made me realize I am not as coordinated as I want to be. That there is a greater level I can work towards. I need to pay more attention to my body.
I've been getting a lot of anonymous comments on my Eblogger. The comments I have been getting have been very uplifting and so if one of the anonymous readers reads this, thank you. It makes me think that there are people out there that understand me. Eblogger users are way different than YouTube users haha. The comments are so different, more respectful, and more intelligent. But I should have expected that from stupid YouTube users. Its amazing that so many random people or unexpected people have been helping me feel better. Maybe there is good in this world, maybe I am to hard on people. Its nice to see people helping complete strangers. One comment was posted just a few minutes after I posted a blog.
I've been dreaming so much lately, and I didn't have a stupid alarm, I would actually finish one. I guess I have a lot on my mind. I had a dream last night where I would hang out with and just chat with a bunch of random people. A new group of people would come over everyday. Each day was fresh and new and everyone was very respectful. Some people were people I knew, some were just random people I've never seen in my life, there were a lot of bands that came over and chatted, and some were celebs. A wide range of people. I don't remember any of the stuff I talked about though. I remember having a chat with David Robinson which was a more serious chat. He seemed like such a wise man. I played video games with Senses Fail. I chats I had with random people I never met were cool to. Just introduced each other and talked about life. I remember hanging out with the Meg and Dia band and I remember that day being one of the funniest days. I remember all of us laughing non-stop and there wasn't a dull moment with those guys. Dreams are so wild. I think my soul or whatever is trying to send a message to my brain or something through dreams. I think deep down inside I know the answers, but I can't find them, but something deep down inside of me is trying to make it easier. Sometimes I wonder if dreams can actually tell you the future. Obviously dreams can reflect on the past, and I firmly believe it can tell you about things going on in the present, but sometimes I think they show you the future. I had "People" dream last night, and then today I read a blog by Dia of Meg&Dia and it really hit me. It made a lot of senses to me. Its weird that I would just have a dream about and then the very next day have Dia touch me through her words.
I've been reading a book about African American movements in the 50s. I can't believe these things happened in the 50's! Its crazy, that doesn't seem like a long time ago at all! I am really glad that that culture has advanced the way it did. Because without the African influence I had while I lived in Minneapolis, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Something I learned while reading this book is that people aren't as ignorant as I think they are. The whites in the book act like they don't know when something is wrong, but I think deep inside they really know. Probably just some defensive mechanism. I think this strategy is used by many people today; even though they know something is wrong, if they hide it and act like its okay, they feel better. Its to bad. I wish people wouldn't cower and face their wrong doings.
I watched 300 again last night, it was still just as good.
"There is no need to be loyal because while you stay in one spot, people will come an go. You might as well save yourself the effort and jump camps too, everyone leaves. You will never be respected"
I saw some people playing hacky sack outside the other day and it was amazing. Those people are so coordinated and can hit the sack in any position with accuracy. It made me realize I am not as coordinated as I want to be. That there is a greater level I can work towards. I need to pay more attention to my body.
I've been getting a lot of anonymous comments on my Eblogger. The comments I have been getting have been very uplifting and so if one of the anonymous readers reads this, thank you. It makes me think that there are people out there that understand me. Eblogger users are way different than YouTube users haha. The comments are so different, more respectful, and more intelligent. But I should have expected that from stupid YouTube users. Its amazing that so many random people or unexpected people have been helping me feel better. Maybe there is good in this world, maybe I am to hard on people. Its nice to see people helping complete strangers. One comment was posted just a few minutes after I posted a blog.
I've been dreaming so much lately, and I didn't have a stupid alarm, I would actually finish one. I guess I have a lot on my mind. I had a dream last night where I would hang out with and just chat with a bunch of random people. A new group of people would come over everyday. Each day was fresh and new and everyone was very respectful. Some people were people I knew, some were just random people I've never seen in my life, there were a lot of bands that came over and chatted, and some were celebs. A wide range of people. I don't remember any of the stuff I talked about though. I remember having a chat with David Robinson which was a more serious chat. He seemed like such a wise man. I played video games with Senses Fail. I chats I had with random people I never met were cool to. Just introduced each other and talked about life. I remember hanging out with the Meg and Dia band and I remember that day being one of the funniest days. I remember all of us laughing non-stop and there wasn't a dull moment with those guys. Dreams are so wild. I think my soul or whatever is trying to send a message to my brain or something through dreams. I think deep down inside I know the answers, but I can't find them, but something deep down inside of me is trying to make it easier. Sometimes I wonder if dreams can actually tell you the future. Obviously dreams can reflect on the past, and I firmly believe it can tell you about things going on in the present, but sometimes I think they show you the future. I had "People" dream last night, and then today I read a blog by Dia of Meg&Dia and it really hit me. It made a lot of senses to me. Its weird that I would just have a dream about and then the very next day have Dia touch me through her words.
I've been reading a book about African American movements in the 50s. I can't believe these things happened in the 50's! Its crazy, that doesn't seem like a long time ago at all! I am really glad that that culture has advanced the way it did. Because without the African influence I had while I lived in Minneapolis, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Something I learned while reading this book is that people aren't as ignorant as I think they are. The whites in the book act like they don't know when something is wrong, but I think deep inside they really know. Probably just some defensive mechanism. I think this strategy is used by many people today; even though they know something is wrong, if they hide it and act like its okay, they feel better. Its to bad. I wish people wouldn't cower and face their wrong doings.
I watched 300 again last night, it was still just as good.
"There is no need to be loyal because while you stay in one spot, people will come an go. You might as well save yourself the effort and jump camps too, everyone leaves. You will never be respected"
Zombie Dream Chapter 4
It seems like we've been driving forever since I've never driven in this area before and Dawson and I aren't leading anymore. The roads are very empty. I see one of our cars swerving left and right and I think something is wrong but then I realize it is the car Cory is driving and I don't pay much attention to it. I just figure he is goofing off. We only make one pit stop the the whole drive, but we since we left so late it isn't a big deal. We all eat grouped together in an empty parking lot. The sun looks ready to set and we decide that we need to find a place to stay for the night. We drive a couple hours and we find an empty motel. Looks dirty and cheap but it works. The sun is gone and I don't want to drive while its dark. A couple of people start walking casually towards the office door and I catch them quickly. I tell them that no one is probably there but that we should at least enter with caution. They seem to reluctantly agree. I get the feeling I am getting on everyones nerve because I am so cautious, and I'm split on how I should approach people. I lead the group into the office door. The lights are on and everything is tidy. The door to the back office is shut and I want to secure the area before we relax. Everyone sets up near the door and I kick it in. Nothing. We grab the keys to the rooms and walk back to the cars. I tell everyone I want to check all the rooms in the small motel to make sure its safe. It shouldn't take to long. When I suggest it Cory gets upset and asks me why I am so paranoid. Some of the parents agree with him. I sink. I tell them that I would check the rooms alone and that everyone else should just sit tight in their cars. I open the back of my suburban and I strap myself with a few extra weapons. My Dad says he would come with me and I agree to it. Now everyone else gets brave and offers to come with. Jon, Mitch, Dawson, Dean, and Jim grab a few extra weapons. I stop them. I tell all the parents to look out after the kids and women and that Jon, Mitch, Dawson, Dean and I will secure the motel. We all load up and I make sure everyone is ready. We decide to secure the second floor and work our way down so we walk up the stairs and make our way to the last room. I tell everyone where I want them to be when the door opens and I open it. Our team criss crosses into the room. We check the bathroom and make our way to the next room. We check each room and we find nothing we should be afraid of. Each room is neatly made and all look the same. We get back to the cars and assign rooms to each family and everyone goes to set up. I'm laying on the bed by the window and I see some head lights and a car pull into the parking lot. I spring up, push the curtains aside and leer out the window. A couple of SUVs have pulled in and I see some people walk out. They look pretty normal so I slowly open our door and I walk out and I yell hi out to them cautiously. They reply so I stick my pistol out to the side to show that I am armed but that I mean no harm and walk slowly towards the guy standing out of the car. Now everyone from our crew begins to crawl out of their rooms. I shake hands with the guy and exchange names. I ask him what he is up to and he says that he is heading north but need a place to stay for the night. I tell him that there are plenty of safe rooms here. He thanks me then turns around to talk to his family still in the black Tahoe. I say hi to the rest of the family and I offer to help him unload the back. We exchange stories while unloading his truck. His family and his neighbors are also planning on going to an isolated area in Canada. From talking to him, he sounds like a very kind and smart guy. Someone I would like to have around. A couple of families from our crew come out and exchange names with the new family and their neighbors and helps them bring stuff in. The new man, who is named Jim, introduces me to the rest of his family. His wife Jill, his oldest daughter Amanda who appears to be around our age, his middle child Brandon and his youngest daughter Sarah. A very beautiful family. He then introduces me to his neighbors. Everyone from the new group seem so civilized. They all are so smart and clean. I wonder since we are all going to the same place, if our groups could merge. I don't bring it up though. It's just fun being around a new group of people. One the neighbors kids broke a leg or something running and is in a lot of pain so we do everything we can to make him feel better. It is a pretty fun evening and everyone is chatting and introducing them selves. Cory again busts out a large container full of liquor. Its pretty frustrating but I feel like my group is sick of me bossing them around so I don't say anything. I look over at the new group of people and they all decline. Now I'm just embarrassed that I am associated with these careless drunks. I ask Jim, "Not a big drinker?" and he says he used to be but thinks it would be smarter to have his head on strait with all the new dangers. I completely agree. I spend most of the night chatting with Jim's family and his friends. Very bright and energetic people. Being around these people is very therapeutic to me. I can relax a little knowing that there are people who worry about defending them selves. The party ends a little earlier tonight and everyone goes to bed. I can't fall asleep and I just roll around in my bed for a few hours. I don't understand how I'm not drained, I didn't get any sleep the night before. I get fed up and I leave the room. I'm quiet and I make sure I don't wake anyone up from my family. The air is humid and smells and there aren't any bugs so I don't complain. I walk into the office and pull out a small chair and begin walking toward the stairs to the second floor. Jon opens his door and catches me with his eyes squinted and asks me what I'm doing. I tell him to shut up because he is speaking louder then he needs to and that I couldn't fall and that I needed some fresh air. He makes a joke about the air not smelling so good and then goes back into his room. I get to the second floor and I sit in my chair. Check my pistol and then my rifle. Everything looks good. I set up rifle against the wall and I zip up my hoodie. I think I spend over a hour just staring at the stars. The sky is clear and the stars seem to be dancing. I hear a soft clank on the stairs and I jump and grab my rifle. The stairs continue to make noises and I can hear the noise elevating. I swear under my breath and I think that coming out here alone in the middle of the night is the worst idea I ever made. I see a figure and it continues to walk up the stairs. A light hits the figure and I see that it has long brown hair. I relax. When the person turns the corner I see that it is Amanda, Jim's daughter. I set my rifle back against the wall and I flash her a small smile. She leans against the railing and asks me what I'm doing out here. I tell her I couldn't fall asleep and she tells me that she couldn't fall asleep either. She says that she hasn't been able to sleep well for the past few days. I tell her that I think her Dad is really cool. She laughs and says thanks. We small talk for a while and I point out a bunch of cool stars I've been looking at. I see that she is only wearing a short sleeve t-shirt and I offer her my hoodie. She declines but I can see she really needs it and I lay it over her shoulders. She says thanks and zips it up. We talk about a bunch of things. School, life, what we are scared of, what we think life is going to be like, family, on and on. I tell her the story about Tony back in the warehouse. I tell her I've never killed anything before and I that I'm actually pretty scared to use a gun. She calls me a wuss and giggles. I ask her how she knew I was out here and she says she heard me walking up the stairs and that she waited for me to walk back down but got worried when I didn't. I tell her that she shouldn't be walking outside alone in the middle of the night. She makes fun of me for being a hypocrite. I tell her that we should probably go back down and get some sleep. I walk her to her room, she says thanks and closes the door behind her. I think about going back up to the second floor, but I opt to try and get some sleep. I crawl back into my bed and I feel like thin air. I can't fall asleep and it feels like there are bubbles in my belly. I catch myself staring at the ceiling smiling and I wipe it off my face. Slowly I fall asleep.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Fight Club
I heard a quote today that struck a note in me. "Women are made, not born." I believe it and I blame the male gender. Its our fault that they have to live fake and toiled lives. Humans have made so many mistakes in the past, yet we don't learn from them and we will continue to make mistakes and dig ourselves holes. It is a damn shame. I've always thought women were the stronger sex and today that belief was strengthened.
The weather is amazing today! Sunny and 70. I wouldn't say its perfect because it is to hot for me right now. I like jeans and t-shirt weather. But the U is so lively this time of the year, people are outside spread out in the mall, it makes me happy. Yesterday I saw it was going to be a beautiful day and I wore a bright shirt to symbolize spring. Its nice to see people having fun and hanging out. Life is tough, but it is good and to see all this living during such a personally sensitive time, it makes me feel lighter. I need to dress more appropriate tomorrow.
But I didn't title this blog Fight Club because of the weather or womens rights. I had a dream last night that I wanted to blog about. I must be a really angry/disoriented/pissed off/confused person right now, because I had a very disturbing and violent dream last night that I am actually not proud of. Usually I like dreaming of bloody, gory things because I am a fan of shitty horror and sci-fi. Last nights dream was different to me, it wasn't comedic, it wasn't "oh man that zombie make up is so bad" or "why would anyone do that?" funny. It was to real. I think this is a good spot to write it out.
I don't remember many minor details because I woke up in the middle of it cause my alarm went off and I tried to recite it to myself while I was snoozing. The part I can remember the dream starting from is my basement. It was really dark in my basement for some reason and everyone was asleep. Dawson was over and we were looking for shitty horror movies on the internet and we found this crazy "real life" video of a Fight Club type thing. They had a bunch of set-ups like royal rumble, one on one, team battles, but it was much more scary because the idea behind this "fight club" was to kill your opponent(s). It was like Fight Club meets Mortal Kombat meets Cradle of Fear. I just thought it was a visually enhanced video and I personally thought it was shitty but Dawson thought it was awesome. At the end of the video they gave us an address and it said that anyone can join in on the fun. Dawson suggested we go to one of the events, and I told him it was fake. The next day Dawson introduced the idea to everyone and they all thought it was a good idea to go down there and partake that night. I thought it was a dumb idea. Well that night we weren't doing much and we all hopped into a couple of cars and drove downtown and found the small alley it was taking place in. I couldn't believe it was actually real and now I was freaked out. We walk downstairs into some Station4 look alike, just this shitty unfinished basement and there are dried blood stains all over there place. Dawson signs us up for the royal rumble battle and I freak out cause I didn't really think we were going to be a part of this. Everyone is pumped, I can see Jon and Mitch slapping hands and exchanging plans. Everyone is talking about how they are going to kill their first victim. The room starts to fill. Big body builder types, smaller people, a mixture of male and female. I see Mitch and Jon talking about how they are going to try and avoid this HUGE guy at all costs. I still can't believe this is happening and I tell myself it is fake. I rest against a wall in the back where a lot of people aren't around and I just plan to sit back and watch the "play." The ref walks in with a cart of cheap wooden boards and some metal objects, dumps it, blows a whistle and walks away. Everyone starts running towards the objects, grabs whatever they can and begins to pound each other. I get up from leaning against the wall and I think this all looks to real. My group of friend kind of stands there and doesn't know what to do but eventually they grab what is left over and join the fight. I sit there and watch and no one has attacked me yet because my corner is kind of off on its own. I can only see a few of my friends now. I see Dawson fighting this really skinny guy in the middle, I see Mitch for a second before he disappears into another corner and then I catch Jon in another corner in a cluster fuck. He is doing well though. I then catch some people walking into the room through a side door. A group of girls and they brought their own weapons. This is right behind Jon and he is no idea that this group has just walked in. A girl with a knife is walking toward Jon while raising the knife, and I see what is going to happen. I yell, "Jon look out!" and run toward them. Lucky for Jon and I there was a direct path and only had to move around a couple of fights. I get there right before the girl starts her swing and I use my momentum and I drop kick her right in the stomach. The force sends the girl flying into the wall right behind her and she falls to the ground with her back against the wall. Without hesitation I follow up and take advantage of her stunned state. Before she could even gather herself and look I gave her a fierce kick to the face with the top of my foot. The kick sends her head slamming into the wall behind her. Now she is to stunned to defend herself. I use the wall to help me inflict more damage as I smash in her face with my heel. I can feel her skull caving but I don't stop. I don't look at her face but I wouldn't be able to see her face anyways because of her hair clumped together with blood in her face. I feel a tug on my shoulder and I think its someone about to attack me so I grab the persons collar but it was just a ref pulling be away. I guess there is some sort of rule of decimating a body. I can't catch my breath and everything seems to be moving so fast. I want to get out of there, but at the same time something makes me stay. I look at Jon and he is already engaged in another battle, now with a group of girls. I look toward the middle of the room again and I see Dawson still there, now fighting the huge guy they were trying to avoid. Dawson is being tossed around, the brute seems to be playing with his meal. I grab an oddly shaped board and I run over there and I try to smash it over his head but he is to tall and I only breaks over his back. He turns slowly and focuses his eyes on me and I get ready to dodge what ever he is about to throw at me. Dawson is on the ground but he rolls over quickly and stabs something into the guys foot. The guy growls and kicks Dawson in the stomach. I take advantage of this and blow out his elbow with the weapon in it. I take the weapon which is a huge board with a nail in the end of it. While the guy is grabbing his arm I swing the nail as hard as I can into the side of his head. The guy drops to his knees. I use his chest to help me pull the board and nail out head and then I it swing over and over into his face. He collapses. I continue to pound the the nail into his back and now his back is starting to look like a bee hive. After the ref pulls me away again, I run over to Dawson and help him up. I put the board with nail in his hand I run off. Now I'm so caught up I kill every person in sight. I manage to kill someone with a machete and after I claim it all hell breaks loose. My kill count quickly rises and I can see spectators behind this fence that I hadn't seen before laughing as they watch me. Seeing them laughing and enjoying such a crazy event makes me want to kill them. They are all in business suits. One of the guy is holding the fence and I see his fingers gripping it so I use the machete to chop off a few of his fingers. They panic. I turn around and there are these two guys fist fighting each other right next to me. I swing the machete into the back of one guys head and he falls over. The other guy attempts to run away but I swing the machete into his leg and he falls quick. I use the machete to cut him into thin slices. I kill a few more people quick and now at this time everyone is so scared of me every time I approach them they run away. A little group of guys thought it would be a good idea to team up on me but it fails. I see Jon being choked in the corner so I hack the choker in the back. I am drenched in blood and it just seems like I am running around and slicing everything that moves.
Then my alarm went off. Thank god.
I don't think anyone should be dreaming these kind of nightmares. I read that dream book over break and it has some things about dreams. But I think dreams are just a message to yourself. I think this dream is telling me that I am in an unhappy state right now. I am on the edge. I pray that I am not that evil, I don't think I could kill a person unless I really had to. I'm a little bit scared after this dream.
The weather is amazing today! Sunny and 70. I wouldn't say its perfect because it is to hot for me right now. I like jeans and t-shirt weather. But the U is so lively this time of the year, people are outside spread out in the mall, it makes me happy. Yesterday I saw it was going to be a beautiful day and I wore a bright shirt to symbolize spring. Its nice to see people having fun and hanging out. Life is tough, but it is good and to see all this living during such a personally sensitive time, it makes me feel lighter. I need to dress more appropriate tomorrow.
But I didn't title this blog Fight Club because of the weather or womens rights. I had a dream last night that I wanted to blog about. I must be a really angry/disoriented/pissed off/confused person right now, because I had a very disturbing and violent dream last night that I am actually not proud of. Usually I like dreaming of bloody, gory things because I am a fan of shitty horror and sci-fi. Last nights dream was different to me, it wasn't comedic, it wasn't "oh man that zombie make up is so bad" or "why would anyone do that?" funny. It was to real. I think this is a good spot to write it out.
I don't remember many minor details because I woke up in the middle of it cause my alarm went off and I tried to recite it to myself while I was snoozing. The part I can remember the dream starting from is my basement. It was really dark in my basement for some reason and everyone was asleep. Dawson was over and we were looking for shitty horror movies on the internet and we found this crazy "real life" video of a Fight Club type thing. They had a bunch of set-ups like royal rumble, one on one, team battles, but it was much more scary because the idea behind this "fight club" was to kill your opponent(s). It was like Fight Club meets Mortal Kombat meets Cradle of Fear. I just thought it was a visually enhanced video and I personally thought it was shitty but Dawson thought it was awesome. At the end of the video they gave us an address and it said that anyone can join in on the fun. Dawson suggested we go to one of the events, and I told him it was fake. The next day Dawson introduced the idea to everyone and they all thought it was a good idea to go down there and partake that night. I thought it was a dumb idea. Well that night we weren't doing much and we all hopped into a couple of cars and drove downtown and found the small alley it was taking place in. I couldn't believe it was actually real and now I was freaked out. We walk downstairs into some Station4 look alike, just this shitty unfinished basement and there are dried blood stains all over there place. Dawson signs us up for the royal rumble battle and I freak out cause I didn't really think we were going to be a part of this. Everyone is pumped, I can see Jon and Mitch slapping hands and exchanging plans. Everyone is talking about how they are going to kill their first victim. The room starts to fill. Big body builder types, smaller people, a mixture of male and female. I see Mitch and Jon talking about how they are going to try and avoid this HUGE guy at all costs. I still can't believe this is happening and I tell myself it is fake. I rest against a wall in the back where a lot of people aren't around and I just plan to sit back and watch the "play." The ref walks in with a cart of cheap wooden boards and some metal objects, dumps it, blows a whistle and walks away. Everyone starts running towards the objects, grabs whatever they can and begins to pound each other. I get up from leaning against the wall and I think this all looks to real. My group of friend kind of stands there and doesn't know what to do but eventually they grab what is left over and join the fight. I sit there and watch and no one has attacked me yet because my corner is kind of off on its own. I can only see a few of my friends now. I see Dawson fighting this really skinny guy in the middle, I see Mitch for a second before he disappears into another corner and then I catch Jon in another corner in a cluster fuck. He is doing well though. I then catch some people walking into the room through a side door. A group of girls and they brought their own weapons. This is right behind Jon and he is no idea that this group has just walked in. A girl with a knife is walking toward Jon while raising the knife, and I see what is going to happen. I yell, "Jon look out!" and run toward them. Lucky for Jon and I there was a direct path and only had to move around a couple of fights. I get there right before the girl starts her swing and I use my momentum and I drop kick her right in the stomach. The force sends the girl flying into the wall right behind her and she falls to the ground with her back against the wall. Without hesitation I follow up and take advantage of her stunned state. Before she could even gather herself and look I gave her a fierce kick to the face with the top of my foot. The kick sends her head slamming into the wall behind her. Now she is to stunned to defend herself. I use the wall to help me inflict more damage as I smash in her face with my heel. I can feel her skull caving but I don't stop. I don't look at her face but I wouldn't be able to see her face anyways because of her hair clumped together with blood in her face. I feel a tug on my shoulder and I think its someone about to attack me so I grab the persons collar but it was just a ref pulling be away. I guess there is some sort of rule of decimating a body. I can't catch my breath and everything seems to be moving so fast. I want to get out of there, but at the same time something makes me stay. I look at Jon and he is already engaged in another battle, now with a group of girls. I look toward the middle of the room again and I see Dawson still there, now fighting the huge guy they were trying to avoid. Dawson is being tossed around, the brute seems to be playing with his meal. I grab an oddly shaped board and I run over there and I try to smash it over his head but he is to tall and I only breaks over his back. He turns slowly and focuses his eyes on me and I get ready to dodge what ever he is about to throw at me. Dawson is on the ground but he rolls over quickly and stabs something into the guys foot. The guy growls and kicks Dawson in the stomach. I take advantage of this and blow out his elbow with the weapon in it. I take the weapon which is a huge board with a nail in the end of it. While the guy is grabbing his arm I swing the nail as hard as I can into the side of his head. The guy drops to his knees. I use his chest to help me pull the board and nail out head and then I it swing over and over into his face. He collapses. I continue to pound the the nail into his back and now his back is starting to look like a bee hive. After the ref pulls me away again, I run over to Dawson and help him up. I put the board with nail in his hand I run off. Now I'm so caught up I kill every person in sight. I manage to kill someone with a machete and after I claim it all hell breaks loose. My kill count quickly rises and I can see spectators behind this fence that I hadn't seen before laughing as they watch me. Seeing them laughing and enjoying such a crazy event makes me want to kill them. They are all in business suits. One of the guy is holding the fence and I see his fingers gripping it so I use the machete to chop off a few of his fingers. They panic. I turn around and there are these two guys fist fighting each other right next to me. I swing the machete into the back of one guys head and he falls over. The other guy attempts to run away but I swing the machete into his leg and he falls quick. I use the machete to cut him into thin slices. I kill a few more people quick and now at this time everyone is so scared of me every time I approach them they run away. A little group of guys thought it would be a good idea to team up on me but it fails. I see Jon being choked in the corner so I hack the choker in the back. I am drenched in blood and it just seems like I am running around and slicing everything that moves.
Then my alarm went off. Thank god.
I don't think anyone should be dreaming these kind of nightmares. I read that dream book over break and it has some things about dreams. But I think dreams are just a message to yourself. I think this dream is telling me that I am in an unhappy state right now. I am on the edge. I pray that I am not that evil, I don't think I could kill a person unless I really had to. I'm a little bit scared after this dream.
Oh - Em - Gee! (Q.U.P)
Golly,
I just FRIGGIN miss live music right about now. Good thing I got Tix to the Take Action tour which is like Apr 9th I think? Early November here I come again! Matchbook Romance! Best catch up on my Matchbook. Amber Pacific and Chiodos too! YAHOO!!! Everyone should go, cause its going to be awesome!!
(Sunday, March 19, 2006)
I just FRIGGIN miss live music right about now. Good thing I got Tix to the Take Action tour which is like Apr 9th I think? Early November here I come again! Matchbook Romance! Best catch up on my Matchbook. Amber Pacific and Chiodos too! YAHOO!!! Everyone should go, cause its going to be awesome!!
(Sunday, March 19, 2006)
Warped Tour 06' (Q.U.P)
Hasn't hit me that its tomorrow. It will be amazing
More after the show...
(Saturday, June 17, 2006)
More after the show...
(Saturday, June 17, 2006)
My Great Debate (Ignorance) (Q.U.P)
Lately I've been thinking, if I had to choose between being ignorant or being knowledgeable on the things that are going around me, what would I really choose?
It seems like such a easy Q&A, but is it really? Knowledgeable seems like the clear choice, but with the power of knowing everything that is going around you, comes the price and pain of knowing the bad. Sometimes doesn't it seen like ignorance is much easier? I have alot of ignorant friends. Sometimes it seems like I am the only one who actually knows what is going on. (Sidetracking: When I think about what I just said, sure, maybe it seems like I am the only one knows what is going on, but what if I am the ignorant one. I always try to see both sides, the pros and cons of all debates or whatever it maybe. Human self discipline and the mind is so hard to control.) It sometimes seems like I am the only one who sees the whole picture...but if I am the only one who sees all the angles, the top and bottom and not only what is in front of them, who do I talk to see if I am right. Who do I talk to to prove I am not the one who is ignorant. Its pretty fucked up. Now back to the question, if I was more ignorant to start off with, I wouldn't have this problem. I would just fit in, I could just be stupid as the next person and live my life as a "thing" and move on from one emotion to the next. I envy some people. If I was given the same task as someone else, I would stress out about it and maybe just do a little better then someone. the other person wouldn't stress out about it and take the lesser "grade" with a smile. How does that work? Am I being ignorant of their true feelings?
Aren't there so many deep things out there that you wonder about? Sometimes I feel uncomfortable about these types of topics, cause again, no one understands me. They are like "What the fuck are you talking about?" Its frustrating cause I am not the best speaker, or writer. If I can paint my feelings and thoughts, how does someone else really know? Or is it that I am painting something so abstract that it is impossible for the next man to understand what is being seen?
For you RPG VG'ers, has anyone played Metal Gear Solid 2:Sons of Liberty. Pretty crazy huh? But I've actually thought about that before I played the game recently. There are so many unknown things out there, and we lead to believe what we believe everyday. Let me ask you, what the fuck is oxygen really? Are you sure you are breathing it? And if yes, how do you REALLY know? Who told you we are breathing oxygen? Your science teacher? What has you science teacher ever done for you that you can trust him? We believe what people tell us to believe only because we want to believe in something and we are scared of being empty and ignorant. But arnt you really ignorant if you believe in something false? Or do we really all want to be ignorant cause its easier? Thats the problem, I dont want to be ignorant, but then I do. No questions, no doubts, no fears, no pain.
Really, how fucked up would it be if someone higher (not like a god) was controlling what we learned, felt, loved?
I think I know why people drink/smoke and abuse them selves. To make their lives shorter, because living isn't easy, and quite scary. Its much more simple. We are living to die.
Thanks for writing. Just know, I am always here. If you need someone, I will be here even past you.
"The good things in life outweigh the bad things in life, that is what keeps me going" -David Robinson
(Monday, July 24, 2006)
It seems like such a easy Q&A, but is it really? Knowledgeable seems like the clear choice, but with the power of knowing everything that is going around you, comes the price and pain of knowing the bad. Sometimes doesn't it seen like ignorance is much easier? I have alot of ignorant friends. Sometimes it seems like I am the only one who actually knows what is going on. (Sidetracking: When I think about what I just said, sure, maybe it seems like I am the only one knows what is going on, but what if I am the ignorant one. I always try to see both sides, the pros and cons of all debates or whatever it maybe. Human self discipline and the mind is so hard to control.) It sometimes seems like I am the only one who sees the whole picture...but if I am the only one who sees all the angles, the top and bottom and not only what is in front of them, who do I talk to see if I am right. Who do I talk to to prove I am not the one who is ignorant. Its pretty fucked up. Now back to the question, if I was more ignorant to start off with, I wouldn't have this problem. I would just fit in, I could just be stupid as the next person and live my life as a "thing" and move on from one emotion to the next. I envy some people. If I was given the same task as someone else, I would stress out about it and maybe just do a little better then someone. the other person wouldn't stress out about it and take the lesser "grade" with a smile. How does that work? Am I being ignorant of their true feelings?
Aren't there so many deep things out there that you wonder about? Sometimes I feel uncomfortable about these types of topics, cause again, no one understands me. They are like "What the fuck are you talking about?" Its frustrating cause I am not the best speaker, or writer. If I can paint my feelings and thoughts, how does someone else really know? Or is it that I am painting something so abstract that it is impossible for the next man to understand what is being seen?
For you RPG VG'ers, has anyone played Metal Gear Solid 2:Sons of Liberty. Pretty crazy huh? But I've actually thought about that before I played the game recently. There are so many unknown things out there, and we lead to believe what we believe everyday. Let me ask you, what the fuck is oxygen really? Are you sure you are breathing it? And if yes, how do you REALLY know? Who told you we are breathing oxygen? Your science teacher? What has you science teacher ever done for you that you can trust him? We believe what people tell us to believe only because we want to believe in something and we are scared of being empty and ignorant. But arnt you really ignorant if you believe in something false? Or do we really all want to be ignorant cause its easier? Thats the problem, I dont want to be ignorant, but then I do. No questions, no doubts, no fears, no pain.
Really, how fucked up would it be if someone higher (not like a god) was controlling what we learned, felt, loved?
I think I know why people drink/smoke and abuse them selves. To make their lives shorter, because living isn't easy, and quite scary. Its much more simple. We are living to die.
Thanks for writing. Just know, I am always here. If you need someone, I will be here even past you.
"The good things in life outweigh the bad things in life, that is what keeps me going" -David Robinson
(Monday, July 24, 2006)
Euthanasia (Q.U.P)
Go search that fucking word. Its a damn good word.
(I like writing here, cause I know no one looks at this fucking profile (You would have to be a fucking idiot). Writing about touchy, taboo, or embarrassing topics makes me feel better, but I don't like it when heavy traffic might flow through the blog, but I want a chance of some people seeing it. Maybe they feel they same way, maybe they don't but they like reading about how shitty someones life can be. My life isn't shitty, don't get me wrong, but there are things I think about, and it helps to write to myself a little bit).
Here, I'll do you a fucking favor:
When placing blame, I like to try and think of how both parties would view things, make sure I can see the whole picture before blaming a party. Much harder when you are a party. Anywho, lies aside, I'm right. I have no wrong. I played all my cards right. (But if all your lies were out the window, you would have nothing to hide and tell the whole story, but yet you don't). These past 2 years, I think I have lied to myself more then ever. So many people have changed, and I am so stupid, shitty, fucking dumb for tricking myself. I just want things to be the same, things to be back to what they were. I think I was truly happy 2 years ago. I got along with my parents (I finally understood them and loved them to the fullest), I had a close group of friends, I had a growing pair of siblings (And my sister wasn't a wacko like she is now, I hope she grows out of it), school was going well, life was well. The only thing missing in my life was my friend Dean. When summer came around this year, and we were all back from school and college, I had so many feelings. One day, while we were driving, a friend out of no where confronted me about one of these feelings. Somehow he had known. again, I lied. (Truthfully, I was fucking angry. Betrayal, lies, honor, friendship, hypocritical actions. (Fuck). He asked me how I felt, and I lied. Why didn't I just tell the truth. I am a fucking pussy thats why. But is that really what it is? All my life, I tried and present this perfect, all ways thought out, never makes a mistake man. (I don't know of this shit makes sense). I didnt want him to think I was weak I guess...but its really not just that. Its deeper I guess. So deep I cant even reach it and put it on paper. So I lied and told him things were the same when he was a fuck up. He, two weeks earlier made fun of someone and pretty much had a hand in changing someone elses life and then does the same thing. And guess what, his life didn't change, how come he gets away with it. And for that, I should kill myself. (You're perfect huh...). I pride myself in being fair...and I was totally unfair. I felt like because of this friend, I turned myself into a hypocrite, the worst thing on Earth. Then I did it again, if I lied to myself in the car, and I don't lie to myself with the friend my sister talked to...I am a hypocrite. Cause I lie and act like things are the same with one, and not with the other...why, they are doing the same thing (just breaking hearts). Therefore, I think I need to lie myself. Is it my fault? For being nice? For being fake? (Fuck). I feel bad for everything I've done when I think about things like this. I dont know...
Last week, I watched the movie Crash. And it blew me away. When I watched it, I saw people, good people, bad people. No matter how good you are and what you do, if whatever, god, time, fate doesn't go your way, you're fucked. Bad people sometimes have it better then good, and why the fuck is that?! Its not fair...why do we do this to ourselves...when I saw ourselves, I mean us as a people. We set up this system we call living. Its not living, I like to call it dying. Maybe fighting. We are seeing how long we can fight, how long we can die before we get sick of it. Lifes a crazy ride.
(FUCK!!!!!!!!!! IDK Why but half the blog got deleted. Maybe I'll fix it up someday...it was a good one. A deep, meaningful and a very close one. Took me two hours to write...so I cant do it now!!!! FUCKING GAY!!!!!!!!)
(Tuesday, August 29, 2006)
(I like writing here, cause I know no one looks at this fucking profile (You would have to be a fucking idiot). Writing about touchy, taboo, or embarrassing topics makes me feel better, but I don't like it when heavy traffic might flow through the blog, but I want a chance of some people seeing it. Maybe they feel they same way, maybe they don't but they like reading about how shitty someones life can be. My life isn't shitty, don't get me wrong, but there are things I think about, and it helps to write to myself a little bit).
Here, I'll do you a fucking favor:
When placing blame, I like to try and think of how both parties would view things, make sure I can see the whole picture before blaming a party. Much harder when you are a party. Anywho, lies aside, I'm right. I have no wrong. I played all my cards right. (But if all your lies were out the window, you would have nothing to hide and tell the whole story, but yet you don't). These past 2 years, I think I have lied to myself more then ever. So many people have changed, and I am so stupid, shitty, fucking dumb for tricking myself. I just want things to be the same, things to be back to what they were. I think I was truly happy 2 years ago. I got along with my parents (I finally understood them and loved them to the fullest), I had a close group of friends, I had a growing pair of siblings (And my sister wasn't a wacko like she is now, I hope she grows out of it), school was going well, life was well. The only thing missing in my life was my friend Dean. When summer came around this year, and we were all back from school and college, I had so many feelings. One day, while we were driving, a friend out of no where confronted me about one of these feelings. Somehow he had known. again, I lied. (Truthfully, I was fucking angry. Betrayal, lies, honor, friendship, hypocritical actions. (Fuck). He asked me how I felt, and I lied. Why didn't I just tell the truth. I am a fucking pussy thats why. But is that really what it is? All my life, I tried and present this perfect, all ways thought out, never makes a mistake man. (I don't know of this shit makes sense). I didnt want him to think I was weak I guess...but its really not just that. Its deeper I guess. So deep I cant even reach it and put it on paper. So I lied and told him things were the same when he was a fuck up. He, two weeks earlier made fun of someone and pretty much had a hand in changing someone elses life and then does the same thing. And guess what, his life didn't change, how come he gets away with it. And for that, I should kill myself. (You're perfect huh...). I pride myself in being fair...and I was totally unfair. I felt like because of this friend, I turned myself into a hypocrite, the worst thing on Earth. Then I did it again, if I lied to myself in the car, and I don't lie to myself with the friend my sister talked to...I am a hypocrite. Cause I lie and act like things are the same with one, and not with the other...why, they are doing the same thing (just breaking hearts). Therefore, I think I need to lie myself. Is it my fault? For being nice? For being fake? (Fuck). I feel bad for everything I've done when I think about things like this. I dont know...
Last week, I watched the movie Crash. And it blew me away. When I watched it, I saw people, good people, bad people. No matter how good you are and what you do, if whatever, god, time, fate doesn't go your way, you're fucked. Bad people sometimes have it better then good, and why the fuck is that?! Its not fair...why do we do this to ourselves...when I saw ourselves, I mean us as a people. We set up this system we call living. Its not living, I like to call it dying. Maybe fighting. We are seeing how long we can fight, how long we can die before we get sick of it. Lifes a crazy ride.
(FUCK!!!!!!!!!! IDK Why but half the blog got deleted. Maybe I'll fix it up someday...it was a good one. A deep, meaningful and a very close one. Took me two hours to write...so I cant do it now!!!! FUCKING GAY!!!!!!!!)
(Tuesday, August 29, 2006)
Honestly (Q.U.P)
Dont you just get confused sometimes at what life throws at you?
I've been going through some rough times, and I've been thinking ALOT. Sometimes about major things, and sometimes about stupid little things. Alot of my talking to myself has been about friends.
You think they are on your side one moment, and then the next you think they are some spy. I can honestly and humbly say that I am one of the most honest, loyal, kind, ect people you will ever meet. I am genuine and sincere. Everyday of my life, ever since I was little. I like to think I am good with people.
...Or at least I was. I have this picture in my room from about 3-4 years ago and my group of "close" friends was about 15 people large. I always considered them close. What really sucks is, even though I feel that way, they don't. My group of close friends and people I can trust is now down to about 5. If even that. I've been trying to be more honest and my open about life with those "close" friends. Maybe some of them just dont expect it from me. I don't think I show signs of "faking" it or send mixed messages. But every time I try and be honest, I get shot down. It pisses me the fuck off. What are friends really for then? All my life I have been actions tell who you are, be humble, yet honest. I just figured if I want to be more open with my life and not keep shit bottled up, "close" friends are the ones to open it all up to. But lately, when I speak openly, they reject me like I' m being cocky or hypocritical. I say fuck them. Some friends I have huh? Lately, I've needed people to talk to more then ever...and I've cut the number of people I can trust to about 3.5 or so. Weird number huh?
I know I can talk to my Sister about anything. She is growing up real fast and she is understanding life much more now. She is in some goofy ass phase that I was also once in so I am not that worried (although, her friends are my age and they are still on that phase...so makes me a little worried). I've been able to go to her about anything. My brother is probably my best friend. He is still a little to young and spoiled to bring lifes hardships on. My Mom is also there always. She is someone who can guide me through anything. Then I have one friend that I can kind of go to. He is sometimes very ignorant about things. I guess you could call him very "white." His parents also seem like great people. He kind of has the mind of an 8 year old though. But I trust him with many things. But even lately, he has been influenced by others...and I feel like I am losing my trust in him. Lately, I have been hanging out with a friend I used to hang out in the past. We have been clicking and bonding as of late. I used to think he was a little over the top, but I have been keeping him in my inner circle more then my other "Close" friends. There probably are like 4 other guys out there that people would assume are my "close" friends. But ya know what, I can say FUCK them to about 2 of them. Its not that I hate them...but it really seems like the flame has burned out...and ya know what, I don't feel like its my fault at all. Their love for me faded, and therefore my love for them was affected. If they want to try and fix it...let them. But I see my life going away from them. One of the 4 guys is just to ignorant. He doesnt see alot of things. I know he has alot of passion and love for me...but sometimes, I just cant stand him. The 4th of the 4 I just dont know about. Couple of years ago, I would have considered him my best friend. Lately, he seems sick of me. I dont even try to bring up deeper things...just light casual things and he still tries to oppose them. He is becoming alot like my "3rd" friend.
What used to be a pool of friends is no more.
This on top of many other things...just makes times so trying.
(Tuesday, October 10, 2006)
I've been going through some rough times, and I've been thinking ALOT. Sometimes about major things, and sometimes about stupid little things. Alot of my talking to myself has been about friends.
You think they are on your side one moment, and then the next you think they are some spy. I can honestly and humbly say that I am one of the most honest, loyal, kind, ect people you will ever meet. I am genuine and sincere. Everyday of my life, ever since I was little. I like to think I am good with people.
...Or at least I was. I have this picture in my room from about 3-4 years ago and my group of "close" friends was about 15 people large. I always considered them close. What really sucks is, even though I feel that way, they don't. My group of close friends and people I can trust is now down to about 5. If even that. I've been trying to be more honest and my open about life with those "close" friends. Maybe some of them just dont expect it from me. I don't think I show signs of "faking" it or send mixed messages. But every time I try and be honest, I get shot down. It pisses me the fuck off. What are friends really for then? All my life I have been actions tell who you are, be humble, yet honest. I just figured if I want to be more open with my life and not keep shit bottled up, "close" friends are the ones to open it all up to. But lately, when I speak openly, they reject me like I' m being cocky or hypocritical. I say fuck them. Some friends I have huh? Lately, I've needed people to talk to more then ever...and I've cut the number of people I can trust to about 3.5 or so. Weird number huh?
I know I can talk to my Sister about anything. She is growing up real fast and she is understanding life much more now. She is in some goofy ass phase that I was also once in so I am not that worried (although, her friends are my age and they are still on that phase...so makes me a little worried). I've been able to go to her about anything. My brother is probably my best friend. He is still a little to young and spoiled to bring lifes hardships on. My Mom is also there always. She is someone who can guide me through anything. Then I have one friend that I can kind of go to. He is sometimes very ignorant about things. I guess you could call him very "white." His parents also seem like great people. He kind of has the mind of an 8 year old though. But I trust him with many things. But even lately, he has been influenced by others...and I feel like I am losing my trust in him. Lately, I have been hanging out with a friend I used to hang out in the past. We have been clicking and bonding as of late. I used to think he was a little over the top, but I have been keeping him in my inner circle more then my other "Close" friends. There probably are like 4 other guys out there that people would assume are my "close" friends. But ya know what, I can say FUCK them to about 2 of them. Its not that I hate them...but it really seems like the flame has burned out...and ya know what, I don't feel like its my fault at all. Their love for me faded, and therefore my love for them was affected. If they want to try and fix it...let them. But I see my life going away from them. One of the 4 guys is just to ignorant. He doesnt see alot of things. I know he has alot of passion and love for me...but sometimes, I just cant stand him. The 4th of the 4 I just dont know about. Couple of years ago, I would have considered him my best friend. Lately, he seems sick of me. I dont even try to bring up deeper things...just light casual things and he still tries to oppose them. He is becoming alot like my "3rd" friend.
What used to be a pool of friends is no more.
This on top of many other things...just makes times so trying.
(Tuesday, October 10, 2006)
Thanksgiving (Q.U.P)
What is there to be thankful for?
You read/hear what other people are writing/saying and they are all very thankful. I just don't see what there is to be thankful in this shit hole we call life and this peice of shit society we have set up for ourselves. The way we have things set up, we aren't living to live, we are living to die. Who actually enjoys working 10 hours a day at a job you dont want to do be working at, but is forced to so you can pay the bills. I know some stupid ass motherfuckers are going to be like, "this dude is dumb, thats exactly why you do have to work 10 hours a day." Fuck that, we only pay bills, work so our society can keep moving and so the rich people can live the life I think is good. (I think! I dont know if there is a perfect life, but when you're poor, money helps. But I also understand, money is the root of all sins, don't think I'm writing this crying about how I want money). I don't know, I just think about sometimes how fucked up our lives are. What the fuck are we really doing here? I've been reading the looking into to religion and the spiritual explanations of life a little more lately, but no answers yet. I don't know a whole lot about religion or anything, but from my standpoint, all that shit is an easy way out. And a scam set up by a wise man to suck peoples money. Church, temples or whatever the fuck you go to, all 'accept' (steal) money from us. In the Christian bible (I'm assuming stories change from religion to religion)(Religion could strike another thought in me)(I side track alot) it says that because of our sins, we are forced to live under stress and hardships. That shit is the truth. Exactly how I feel, its because some stupid motherfuckers set up this dumb system that we live in, that many people are depressed and develop so many health problems. The dumb mother fuckers would be those idiots that came from Europe to America, fucked the Indians up and then blah blah blah. We all know now, since we are living it, what life is like because history happened the way it did. But think, what if major past events would have happened differently? Would we be living differently? One thing I have learned in life is that you donut know what you had, until you have lost it. Isnt that the fucking truth? A good example for me is high school. Fucking happiest time of my life (Not because of highschool, but it just was a good time for me). My whole time in school, I thought, "I cant wait till highschool is over." But I was talking with a past friend, and we both stated, that we miss it. So maybe life is good right now? Maybe I should give thanks?
Along with religion, I've been thinking more about the government. There are alot of thoughts that I just dont care to write about right now, but I've been thinking about the communist system. What a good fucking idea. I rip on the idea all the time, just cause it fucked up so many times in the past, but who ever thought of it, was really looking out for other people. There is no way a system like that would in the selfish world we live in. People are just so fucking selfish. Another holocaust wouldnt hurt. With many things, I pride myself on team work, believing in each other, faith, love. I think maybe with a group of people who have those gifts and many others, something like the communist system would work. But we all know its a fuck up for now.
I dont know. I just don't feel very thankful right now and blogs are my way to vent. I know many people feel thankful, and I think thats pretty cool that they do. But with things that have been happening to me lately, emotions are weak.
(Thursday, November 23, 2006)
You read/hear what other people are writing/saying and they are all very thankful. I just don't see what there is to be thankful in this shit hole we call life and this peice of shit society we have set up for ourselves. The way we have things set up, we aren't living to live, we are living to die. Who actually enjoys working 10 hours a day at a job you dont want to do be working at, but is forced to so you can pay the bills. I know some stupid ass motherfuckers are going to be like, "this dude is dumb, thats exactly why you do have to work 10 hours a day." Fuck that, we only pay bills, work so our society can keep moving and so the rich people can live the life I think is good. (I think! I dont know if there is a perfect life, but when you're poor, money helps. But I also understand, money is the root of all sins, don't think I'm writing this crying about how I want money). I don't know, I just think about sometimes how fucked up our lives are. What the fuck are we really doing here? I've been reading the looking into to religion and the spiritual explanations of life a little more lately, but no answers yet. I don't know a whole lot about religion or anything, but from my standpoint, all that shit is an easy way out. And a scam set up by a wise man to suck peoples money. Church, temples or whatever the fuck you go to, all 'accept' (steal) money from us. In the Christian bible (I'm assuming stories change from religion to religion)(Religion could strike another thought in me)(I side track alot) it says that because of our sins, we are forced to live under stress and hardships. That shit is the truth. Exactly how I feel, its because some stupid motherfuckers set up this dumb system that we live in, that many people are depressed and develop so many health problems. The dumb mother fuckers would be those idiots that came from Europe to America, fucked the Indians up and then blah blah blah. We all know now, since we are living it, what life is like because history happened the way it did. But think, what if major past events would have happened differently? Would we be living differently? One thing I have learned in life is that you donut know what you had, until you have lost it. Isnt that the fucking truth? A good example for me is high school. Fucking happiest time of my life (Not because of highschool, but it just was a good time for me). My whole time in school, I thought, "I cant wait till highschool is over." But I was talking with a past friend, and we both stated, that we miss it. So maybe life is good right now? Maybe I should give thanks?
Along with religion, I've been thinking more about the government. There are alot of thoughts that I just dont care to write about right now, but I've been thinking about the communist system. What a good fucking idea. I rip on the idea all the time, just cause it fucked up so many times in the past, but who ever thought of it, was really looking out for other people. There is no way a system like that would in the selfish world we live in. People are just so fucking selfish. Another holocaust wouldnt hurt. With many things, I pride myself on team work, believing in each other, faith, love. I think maybe with a group of people who have those gifts and many others, something like the communist system would work. But we all know its a fuck up for now.
I dont know. I just don't feel very thankful right now and blogs are my way to vent. I know many people feel thankful, and I think thats pretty cool that they do. But with things that have been happening to me lately, emotions are weak.
(Thursday, November 23, 2006)
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Cheap
I wish I could give you more, but I can't
I can't give you the snowmobile winters like he can
I can't give you fancy rides to the mall
I can't give you sports vehicles and big SUVs
I can give you love
I can show you light
I can promise I will be there
But I now know those things are worthless and cheap
I can't make a mark on your life like he can
I have to accept that
It was fun while it lasted
I hope you I didn't waste your years
I'll leave you to be happy
There is the truth
I can't give you the snowmobile winters like he can
I can't give you fancy rides to the mall
I can't give you sports vehicles and big SUVs
I can give you love
I can show you light
I can promise I will be there
But I now know those things are worthless and cheap
I can't make a mark on your life like he can
I have to accept that
It was fun while it lasted
I hope you I didn't waste your years
I'll leave you to be happy
There is the truth
Silent
I will share a happy exterior
Even if I burn inside
I will laugh at all your jokes
I will smile when I see you
I will act like I am protecting you
Even though I know its false
Do you ever miss me when I'm away?
Do you talk bad when my back is turned?
Would you cheer if I were gone?
Life is to hard to fight alone
To build an army is even harder
Let me think.
(March 24th, 2007)
Even if I burn inside
I will laugh at all your jokes
I will smile when I see you
I will act like I am protecting you
Even though I know its false
Do you ever miss me when I'm away?
Do you talk bad when my back is turned?
Would you cheer if I were gone?
Life is to hard to fight alone
To build an army is even harder
Let me think.
(March 24th, 2007)
Friends
I think I have the worst friends any person could have. I show them nothing but love and loyalty and the treat me like shit and use me. It is set in my mind that these people will most likely leave me in the next few years. So to water down the pain, I need to sever my connection with them. I will begin to use them like they have been using me these past 7 or so years. They never cared about me, they kept me around because I offered them things no one else could. I think I am beginning to hate them. I just called Jon, who is suppose to be one of my best friends, and he told me that he was going out with some other friends tonight. Thats cool, not a big deal though, Tony is visiting him and how often does he see Tony. When they all came over, the first thing Nick did was hit me a couple of times with a stick and of course he called me a bitch. I now know for sure I fucking hate Nick. I would kill that fucker if I had the chance. He thinks he is the baddest mother fucker in the world, but anytime anyone shows and sort of threat to him, he runs away. All the concert experiences have shown me he is the biggest pussy of them all. There are so many other things that make him just someone I can't respect. My life is wonderful. I think my most loyal friend is Mitch. Everyone makes fun of how stupid he is, but he probably is the nicest one out of all of them. From now I will try and defend him as long as he doesn't make a idiot out of himself, but he does that a lot, and most of the time he deserves to get made fun of. Right now, my true friend count is zero. First time in my life and I am scared right now. I know I won't last long with out any friends, that is just how I am. So I need to start exploring. I am thinking about not moving into Melrose next year so I can stay home and be with people who I really love.
Pray for me. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
(March 23rd, 2007)
Pray for me. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
(March 23rd, 2007)
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Truly Meaningless
It doesn't mean anything to most.
If you are reading this, and you are in our Melee group, go back one blog and read that.
I'll be touching on a lot of random ideas I thought of over the week so be ready to jump around.
Last weekend Andy Christenson and I made a mission for ourselves--to crank out as many RPGs as we can as fast as we can. It won't be that fast because we only see each other on the weekends, but any time we have spare time, we will use it to drill RPGs. It should be interesting to see how far we get. We already beat Dirge of Cerberus a couple of weeks ago. Our next game to beat is Final Fantasy 7. We were trying to buy so we can play in on a T.V, but its so damn hard to find and so damn expensive we are going to have to play it on a computer. I think we are going to have to play Kingdom Hearts as we play FF7 since Dick's friend let us borrow it and I don't to hold it forever. After FF7 we are planning to play Final Fantasy 8, Final Fantasy 10, then Final Fantasy 12. After the Final Fantasy series, we are going to play the Metal Gear series. Metal Gear Solid: Twin Snakes on the Cube, Metal Gear Solid: Sons of Liberty on the PS2 or X-Box, Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater on the PS2. After that we are thinking maybe the Kingdom Heart games or Resident Evil games. If we play Resdient Evil we will play RE2 and RE4. Richard also suggested playing Star Ocean so we will probably play that towards the end. Another game we enjoyed in the past that we want to play is Legend of Dragoon for the Playstation, but its hard to find or else it was like $50 I think. If you care to share this mission with Andy, Dick and Me, let me know. It should be a very nerdish time. Andy also introduced me to a new term, LARP. Live Action Role Playing. You know like real hardcore nerds that play out the scenes they see in real life. Andy says he tries to avoid being a LARP but sometimes catches himself being one. I see no shame in being a LARP. Imagination and being free is a good thing. I got the back of all LARPsers.
Over spring break I ate a shit load. I don't think I was ever hungry. This week of eating so well has affected my diet. Now I don't feel like eating anything, but when I do eat, I can't stop. Peoples eating habits are so weird and sometimes hard to control. Eating takes a lot of self discipline. I watch what I eat and it kind of hurt watching me eat so damn much. I am out of that trap and I can control myself again. Its weird when you are taken out of your normal eating habits and daily routine. It throws you off. Let it never happen again. I hope to slowly build my body into something I can be happy with. Not happy like being sexy, but being fit and being able to run and just being comfortable. I don't think the human body was meant to be fat.
I am a really slow walker, but sometimes I think people are just fast walkers. People seem like the want to live life so fast. I like to watch slow and watch things as I pass.
I just got out my Korean class and I realized something that always happens to me when I watch a good movie. I always get SUPER hot. I start sweating but during the movie I never feel it. I get super hot and when the movie is over I always yawn. And I always get this feeling that I'm descending and I feel a little weak after the movies. Its like during the movie, I escape and I'm so caught up in it, I leave my body for a little while, but when the movie is over, I have to go back. Does this happen to any one else? I always feel so weird after I watch a good movie. And I hate how I'm always HOT! I remember after 300 I was burning up. I guess I can measure how much a movie effected me by measuring how hot I am and how long it takes me to "settle." It is kind of a Chick Flick and a Romantic Comedy type, but My Little Bride is a pretty good movie.
The other night (Wed) I hung out with a friend that I haven't seen in the longest time. I got a call around 8ish at night and she was just like whats up and asked if I wanted to sit around and chat for a little while. I was super busy with homework, but I haven't seen her in so long I couldn't miss out on the chance. She lives really close so it didn't take me long to get there. I would have gotten there faster but I kind of forgot where she lived. I don't think I've been over there in like 3 years, maybe more. She showed me her school project she was working on and showed me other things she made. Her school project is such a good idea and I think she did an amazing job on it. While we were playing with her project, her little Brother, Andrew, gave me Kingdom Hearts to borrow since Dick and he are friends. But just getting a call from a old friend just kind of made my night. I was kind of having a sensitive week and I was questioning a lot of things but she kind of gave me a break. It felt good. Showed me that there is still some good friends out there, and that love and loyalty does exist a little. If I search hard enough, maybe I can find it. I told her thanks for calling me when I left, but I got to write it out again. It just meant that much to me. So thank you Lysie for making my night, making my week and just making me feel much better about myself.
The other week I thought about how horrible it would be if all my blogs got erased, I mean thats two years worth of memories, energy and time. It could all go away of a server crashes or of business runs dry. So, I thought about it and I want to have a hard copy of all my blogs. I am going to print all of them out. Its going to take a while. This computer lab allows you to print 7 pages for free a day. I think I've printed 10 days out already. I read through them one night, and while I was reading them I wanted to highlight major events, but it felt wrong marking them. So now, I have to print out two copies of each blog, one for keeping and one for marking. Now it will take double the time. After I'm done with all that, I think I am going to print out the comments people made, but thats not as important to me. We will see after I complete my mission. Pray for me, and if you know any place where I can print a shit load for free, let me know. And as I go, I think I am going to blog about old memories. RPG mission and Blog mission. Oof!
Earlier this week, my theory of stinky Chinese breath was strengthened. Why is it that they have kickin ass breath? And why do all Chinese people on the U of M campus look so damn bland. Its probably because they all belong to IT. I've been researching Japanese culture a little bit, and they have a pop culture and people who care about hygiene and their appearance. I don't know much about the Chinese culture that much, but do they have a pop culture or do they care what they look like? Maybe I'll look into it. When I say Chinese I mean all those countries in that area, I can't tell the difference. "Ya'll all look alike!" Someone once told me that the people over there don't really care about hygiene like we do, and I thought the guy was just being a racist, but its probably true. I love the little guy, but maybe Dick has some Chinese in him.
In U.S history class we are learning about World War II and I think some of the stuff we talk about are amazing. I really like listening to the parts that involve the Japanese. I think the Japanese people are really amazing. My Mom tells me that the Japanese and Korean cultures mirror each other a lot. We were talking about the nuclear bombs that were dropped in Japan and someone told us a story about a Japanese general. Even after the bombs had been dropped, he told his troops that they would fight to the end. I mean this is after a nuclear bomb was dropped in their country. I don't think anything could ever intimidate people like that. Someone also told us a story about the Japanese citizens at this time. That when the war was coming to an end, the citizens were gearing up to fight because they wanted to stand by their emperor. Honor and Loyalty to the death. If I am tested someday, I hope I am strong enough to pass.
So I saved this blog as a draft since Friday and I had some other things I wanted to put in it but F it. I'll just put those things in another blog. Oh, Zombie Ch. 3 soon!
If you are reading this, and you are in our Melee group, go back one blog and read that.
I'll be touching on a lot of random ideas I thought of over the week so be ready to jump around.
Last weekend Andy Christenson and I made a mission for ourselves--to crank out as many RPGs as we can as fast as we can. It won't be that fast because we only see each other on the weekends, but any time we have spare time, we will use it to drill RPGs. It should be interesting to see how far we get. We already beat Dirge of Cerberus a couple of weeks ago. Our next game to beat is Final Fantasy 7. We were trying to buy so we can play in on a T.V, but its so damn hard to find and so damn expensive we are going to have to play it on a computer. I think we are going to have to play Kingdom Hearts as we play FF7 since Dick's friend let us borrow it and I don't to hold it forever. After FF7 we are planning to play Final Fantasy 8, Final Fantasy 10, then Final Fantasy 12. After the Final Fantasy series, we are going to play the Metal Gear series. Metal Gear Solid: Twin Snakes on the Cube, Metal Gear Solid: Sons of Liberty on the PS2 or X-Box, Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater on the PS2. After that we are thinking maybe the Kingdom Heart games or Resident Evil games. If we play Resdient Evil we will play RE2 and RE4. Richard also suggested playing Star Ocean so we will probably play that towards the end. Another game we enjoyed in the past that we want to play is Legend of Dragoon for the Playstation, but its hard to find or else it was like $50 I think. If you care to share this mission with Andy, Dick and Me, let me know. It should be a very nerdish time. Andy also introduced me to a new term, LARP. Live Action Role Playing. You know like real hardcore nerds that play out the scenes they see in real life. Andy says he tries to avoid being a LARP but sometimes catches himself being one. I see no shame in being a LARP. Imagination and being free is a good thing. I got the back of all LARPsers.
Over spring break I ate a shit load. I don't think I was ever hungry. This week of eating so well has affected my diet. Now I don't feel like eating anything, but when I do eat, I can't stop. Peoples eating habits are so weird and sometimes hard to control. Eating takes a lot of self discipline. I watch what I eat and it kind of hurt watching me eat so damn much. I am out of that trap and I can control myself again. Its weird when you are taken out of your normal eating habits and daily routine. It throws you off. Let it never happen again. I hope to slowly build my body into something I can be happy with. Not happy like being sexy, but being fit and being able to run and just being comfortable. I don't think the human body was meant to be fat.
I am a really slow walker, but sometimes I think people are just fast walkers. People seem like the want to live life so fast. I like to watch slow and watch things as I pass.
I just got out my Korean class and I realized something that always happens to me when I watch a good movie. I always get SUPER hot. I start sweating but during the movie I never feel it. I get super hot and when the movie is over I always yawn. And I always get this feeling that I'm descending and I feel a little weak after the movies. Its like during the movie, I escape and I'm so caught up in it, I leave my body for a little while, but when the movie is over, I have to go back. Does this happen to any one else? I always feel so weird after I watch a good movie. And I hate how I'm always HOT! I remember after 300 I was burning up. I guess I can measure how much a movie effected me by measuring how hot I am and how long it takes me to "settle." It is kind of a Chick Flick and a Romantic Comedy type, but My Little Bride is a pretty good movie.
The other night (Wed) I hung out with a friend that I haven't seen in the longest time. I got a call around 8ish at night and she was just like whats up and asked if I wanted to sit around and chat for a little while. I was super busy with homework, but I haven't seen her in so long I couldn't miss out on the chance. She lives really close so it didn't take me long to get there. I would have gotten there faster but I kind of forgot where she lived. I don't think I've been over there in like 3 years, maybe more. She showed me her school project she was working on and showed me other things she made. Her school project is such a good idea and I think she did an amazing job on it. While we were playing with her project, her little Brother, Andrew, gave me Kingdom Hearts to borrow since Dick and he are friends. But just getting a call from a old friend just kind of made my night. I was kind of having a sensitive week and I was questioning a lot of things but she kind of gave me a break. It felt good. Showed me that there is still some good friends out there, and that love and loyalty does exist a little. If I search hard enough, maybe I can find it. I told her thanks for calling me when I left, but I got to write it out again. It just meant that much to me. So thank you Lysie for making my night, making my week and just making me feel much better about myself.
The other week I thought about how horrible it would be if all my blogs got erased, I mean thats two years worth of memories, energy and time. It could all go away of a server crashes or of business runs dry. So, I thought about it and I want to have a hard copy of all my blogs. I am going to print all of them out. Its going to take a while. This computer lab allows you to print 7 pages for free a day. I think I've printed 10 days out already. I read through them one night, and while I was reading them I wanted to highlight major events, but it felt wrong marking them. So now, I have to print out two copies of each blog, one for keeping and one for marking. Now it will take double the time. After I'm done with all that, I think I am going to print out the comments people made, but thats not as important to me. We will see after I complete my mission. Pray for me, and if you know any place where I can print a shit load for free, let me know. And as I go, I think I am going to blog about old memories. RPG mission and Blog mission. Oof!
Earlier this week, my theory of stinky Chinese breath was strengthened. Why is it that they have kickin ass breath? And why do all Chinese people on the U of M campus look so damn bland. Its probably because they all belong to IT. I've been researching Japanese culture a little bit, and they have a pop culture and people who care about hygiene and their appearance. I don't know much about the Chinese culture that much, but do they have a pop culture or do they care what they look like? Maybe I'll look into it. When I say Chinese I mean all those countries in that area, I can't tell the difference. "Ya'll all look alike!" Someone once told me that the people over there don't really care about hygiene like we do, and I thought the guy was just being a racist, but its probably true. I love the little guy, but maybe Dick has some Chinese in him.
In U.S history class we are learning about World War II and I think some of the stuff we talk about are amazing. I really like listening to the parts that involve the Japanese. I think the Japanese people are really amazing. My Mom tells me that the Japanese and Korean cultures mirror each other a lot. We were talking about the nuclear bombs that were dropped in Japan and someone told us a story about a Japanese general. Even after the bombs had been dropped, he told his troops that they would fight to the end. I mean this is after a nuclear bomb was dropped in their country. I don't think anything could ever intimidate people like that. Someone also told us a story about the Japanese citizens at this time. That when the war was coming to an end, the citizens were gearing up to fight because they wanted to stand by their emperor. Honor and Loyalty to the death. If I am tested someday, I hope I am strong enough to pass.
So I saved this blog as a draft since Friday and I had some other things I wanted to put in it but F it. I'll just put those things in another blog. Oh, Zombie Ch. 3 soon!
Super Smash Bros. #1
The first official Super Smash Bros. post.
Welcome and thank you.
I hope I stay motivated enough and I hope later to gain help from other people to keep this idea fresh. Through this I hope to unite our Super Smash group and put us on the same page, I hope to expand and bring other people into our network, I hope to teach some skills to our prospect players and raise our overall level of play, and I hope to keep information flowing. I just want to use this as a big update board.
Here is list of everyone that is recognized in our Smash Bros. network:
Min Lee (Min)
Jon Franklin (Jon)
Richard Lee (Dick)
Andy Dawson (Daws)
Mitch Hauschildt (Bnny)
Peter Leisen (Pete)
Dean Kong (Den)
Andy Christenson (Andy)
Nick Almberg (Nick)
Eric Olson (Red)
Vince Gandsey (Ving)
David Weum (Dav)
History
Now for a history lesson. The history of Super Smash Bros. from my perspective (I think it would be cool if others shared their story). Super Smash Bros. started for me when I saw the commercial for the original game on the N64. The commercial where you see all the Nintendo mascots running through the field and then they beat each other up. I thought the game looked amazing and I thought the concept was so cool. No one has ever gathered all the major heroes together in one game to find out who is the greatest video game hero of them all. If we could collect all the heroes across all the platforms, we all know Solid Snake would come out on top, and this will be proven once Super Smash Bros. Brawl comes out. After I saw the commercial, I knew I was going to get it. And when it came out, I did just that and I've been hooked on the series ever since. My friend Justin from across the street back in Minneapolis would come over and we would smash out a few good hours. But I first started growing as a player only when Ayabe, Sye and I started playing. We would sleep over at Ayabe's house and play Super Smash all night and mix in some Mario Party. Those Mario Party blisters were awful. We would end each night with a 100 life battle on the Pokémon stage. My character of choice was Samus and I remember Ayabe using Donkey Kong. The game lasted us a long time, and even when the games magic had run dry, we would return to it once in a while. Then I moved to Plymouth. The game wasn't touched for a little while but it was revived when we started hanging out in Andy's basement. A new group of fighters that consisted of Andy, Richard, Dean, Jon, Natalie and Melissa. After a while, it became obvious that Andy and I were the top two fighters and everyone wanted to see who was the best. So one night we had a one on one battle to put all doubt to rest. Andy was his usual Fox and I used my trusted Samus. The battle was fierce and it went back and forth but in the end I won by fraction. The fight was on Brimstar, I believe thats what it's called, the Samus level with the rising lava. We both had one life left and we reaching 100%. We were on the top platform and I had a Bob-omb and I threw it down but Andy jumped to use his up kick attack with Fox and we both got caught in the explosion. When the dust cleared, I was the victor. Ever since, Andy has been cursed when it comes to explosion battles and I have obtained given some sort of explosion immunity. The game died off but with the release of the Game cube and Super Smash Bros. Mêlée, Super Smash was back in our lives. Dean was the only one with a Gamecube at the time and he only had two controllers so we took turns playing. It was still amazing. After I saved up some money, I went out to Best Buy and I got my own Gamecube and copy of Super Smash Bros. Mêlée. I only had two controllers so we had to take turns again. I believe at this time Dean had moved away. Mitch bought me an Orange Cube controller for my birthday which is still put to good use, and will continue to be since Brawl is expected to use the Cube controllers. However, the game still didn't catch on with everyone. It would be played on and off. Later, Jon and I went through a stretch where we played everyday for about two hours. This is where I built most of my skill. Everyday after school, we would meet, play some basketball in the cul-de-sac then go to my place and play Mêlée with Dick. This lasted for while but slowly this routine faded. After this era, Mêlée was played here and there when we got bored. Jon and I talked about going back to our old routine but it never fully happened, but slowly Super Smash was making a comeback. Now it more alive and more competitive with more people. The game is being played to its fullest again. This rebirth should carry us right into the Brawl era, which is going to be amazing, no doubt about it. The original Super Smash wasn't a launch game, but Mêlée was. It might have been two years in between those two games, but it has been around four years and still no Super Smash upgrade. Brawl will bring a breath of fresh air for all. I hope my luck continues and I hope can remain one of the elite players in our network. I am looking forward to starting clean and building a new fighting style. Throughout my Mêlée history I have created my own fighting style, and it was My fighting style that influenced many of the other fighters. I enjoy creating my own methods. This is also true with Halo2. I bought the game when it was released and created my own fighting style since day one. My style leaked into Jon's style and molded Ben Lee's whole game. It makes me proud when I see them do well in Halo because it feels like I am a part of the winnings. The same story goes for DDR. I had nothing to model my style from, so I taught myself. It was brand new to everyone and being the first to lead the way is something I am very proud of. I didn't even realize everyone was following my footsteps until one day Tony Seeman told me that its nice having something to base lessons off of. Only after that did I realize I pave a lot paths for others. I am very much looking forward to Brawl, but I will continue to perfect my Mêlée game. I need to be ready for the day I get beat down hard my a stronger opponent.
The oldest players on record are Jon, Richard and Myself, but the oldest Mêlée players are from Dean's GameCube era. When we first started keeping track of stats, Dick, Jon and I signed up together. I believe it was then Mitch and Dawson who joined. Then it was probably Peter and shortly after Dean and Andy. Recently Nick, Red and Vince have enlisted. The latest addition was Dave just a week ago.
In each post I want to have three reoccurring columns. One about little traditions and unwritten rules our network played by. Most of these old practices no longer apply since they were purged by the younger fighters. The second reoccurring column is where I want to write out some cool tips that people might not know about. In the last section I want to post recent updates, I have a few I need to list today. I will keep the first two sections fairly short this time because I didn't expect the blog to be this long.
Tradition
This is an important one and it has been brought up a couple of times this past month. The idea of character claim. Some might think it is a stupid idea, and it kind of is, but it's about respect and loyalty. I also think playing with one character makes you a better fighter. All of the best fighters I fought, played with one character. Our Mêlée elite group that consists of Jon, Dean and Myself all have characters claimed. I was asked by a couple of members if I could give them a character recently, and it just doesn't work like that. You have to earn your character. You just have to keep using the same character and respect the game and the rest will take care of its self. You don't have to be good to claim a character, but if you show that you are loyal to one character and that you are a virtuous fighter, you should be allowed to pick a character without others getting in the way. This idea of character claim a lot of history, but a part of it is so there aren't any doubles playing at the same time. Some people complained in the past about losing track of which fighter belonged to who. So it helps people keep track, but there are many other traditions and elements involved. After you have played with one person for a while, Dean, Jon, Dawson and I will vote to see if the fighter is worthy of a character claim. I am thinking the group that decides will consist of Jon, Dean and Myself from now on since Dawson isn't around and I don't consider him an elite fighter. I think we had him around since we needed another voter in the past but with the emergence of Dean his services are no longer needed. So basically, play with one character, show that you are a respectable fighter, and things should work out by them self. Sometimes a battle between two people is needed to decide who gets a character because it wouldn't make sense to give the character to a less skilled fighter. Only one of these have happened and I don't see many of the happening since many people quit on their characters. I hope this clears it up a little.
Here is a short list of characters that can't be used:
Dr. Mario (Min)
Zelda/Sheik (Jon)
Roy (Daws)
Jigglypuff (Den)
The next longest running steak is Vince with Samus.
Tips
I think I am going to state only one tip so I can end this post soon. Here is one that I thought everyone knew, but recently figured out only a small portion knew.
The invisibility pick up is useful not because you become invisible, but because when you have it on, you can't receive damage. People usually ignore the pickup because you obviously aren't invisible, and why would you want to be completely invisible. Some people say when you pick it up, you are invincible, but don't think that. If you have a high percentage, you can still be knocked out of a level with it on. If you grab it when you are at 0%, you will stay at 0% for as long as it lasts. So don't think this pickup is useless, because if you think about the trade off, it could equal a life. If you inflict 50% while you have it and avoid 50%, thats a net worth of 100%. Seems worth it to me.
Recent News
Finish this post off with some news.
1) Dean has earned the rights to Jigglypuff. This news might be a month or two old now, but it is major and I felt I should list it.
2) Dean entered the ranks of an Elite fighter. That makes three of us now. This is also old news, but important news.
3) Nick and Mitch lost their progression for character claims. Mitch switched his character recently and Nick experimented with others. Experimenting doesn't hurt you as much, but it definitely slows your claim down.
4) Dr. Mario the character has clocked in the maximum amount of minutes that can be recorded. Thought this was kind of cool.
5) David Weum has joined our network.
Can't wait to play some Mêlée this weekend!
The End
Welcome and thank you.
I hope I stay motivated enough and I hope later to gain help from other people to keep this idea fresh. Through this I hope to unite our Super Smash group and put us on the same page, I hope to expand and bring other people into our network, I hope to teach some skills to our prospect players and raise our overall level of play, and I hope to keep information flowing. I just want to use this as a big update board.
Here is list of everyone that is recognized in our Smash Bros. network:
Min Lee (Min)
Jon Franklin (Jon)
Richard Lee (Dick)
Andy Dawson (Daws)
Mitch Hauschildt (Bnny)
Peter Leisen (Pete)
Dean Kong (Den)
Andy Christenson (Andy)
Nick Almberg (Nick)
Eric Olson (Red)
Vince Gandsey (Ving)
David Weum (Dav)
History
Now for a history lesson. The history of Super Smash Bros. from my perspective (I think it would be cool if others shared their story). Super Smash Bros. started for me when I saw the commercial for the original game on the N64. The commercial where you see all the Nintendo mascots running through the field and then they beat each other up. I thought the game looked amazing and I thought the concept was so cool. No one has ever gathered all the major heroes together in one game to find out who is the greatest video game hero of them all. If we could collect all the heroes across all the platforms, we all know Solid Snake would come out on top, and this will be proven once Super Smash Bros. Brawl comes out. After I saw the commercial, I knew I was going to get it. And when it came out, I did just that and I've been hooked on the series ever since. My friend Justin from across the street back in Minneapolis would come over and we would smash out a few good hours. But I first started growing as a player only when Ayabe, Sye and I started playing. We would sleep over at Ayabe's house and play Super Smash all night and mix in some Mario Party. Those Mario Party blisters were awful. We would end each night with a 100 life battle on the Pokémon stage. My character of choice was Samus and I remember Ayabe using Donkey Kong. The game lasted us a long time, and even when the games magic had run dry, we would return to it once in a while. Then I moved to Plymouth. The game wasn't touched for a little while but it was revived when we started hanging out in Andy's basement. A new group of fighters that consisted of Andy, Richard, Dean, Jon, Natalie and Melissa. After a while, it became obvious that Andy and I were the top two fighters and everyone wanted to see who was the best. So one night we had a one on one battle to put all doubt to rest. Andy was his usual Fox and I used my trusted Samus. The battle was fierce and it went back and forth but in the end I won by fraction. The fight was on Brimstar, I believe thats what it's called, the Samus level with the rising lava. We both had one life left and we reaching 100%. We were on the top platform and I had a Bob-omb and I threw it down but Andy jumped to use his up kick attack with Fox and we both got caught in the explosion. When the dust cleared, I was the victor. Ever since, Andy has been cursed when it comes to explosion battles and I have obtained given some sort of explosion immunity. The game died off but with the release of the Game cube and Super Smash Bros. Mêlée, Super Smash was back in our lives. Dean was the only one with a Gamecube at the time and he only had two controllers so we took turns playing. It was still amazing. After I saved up some money, I went out to Best Buy and I got my own Gamecube and copy of Super Smash Bros. Mêlée. I only had two controllers so we had to take turns again. I believe at this time Dean had moved away. Mitch bought me an Orange Cube controller for my birthday which is still put to good use, and will continue to be since Brawl is expected to use the Cube controllers. However, the game still didn't catch on with everyone. It would be played on and off. Later, Jon and I went through a stretch where we played everyday for about two hours. This is where I built most of my skill. Everyday after school, we would meet, play some basketball in the cul-de-sac then go to my place and play Mêlée with Dick. This lasted for while but slowly this routine faded. After this era, Mêlée was played here and there when we got bored. Jon and I talked about going back to our old routine but it never fully happened, but slowly Super Smash was making a comeback. Now it more alive and more competitive with more people. The game is being played to its fullest again. This rebirth should carry us right into the Brawl era, which is going to be amazing, no doubt about it. The original Super Smash wasn't a launch game, but Mêlée was. It might have been two years in between those two games, but it has been around four years and still no Super Smash upgrade. Brawl will bring a breath of fresh air for all. I hope my luck continues and I hope can remain one of the elite players in our network. I am looking forward to starting clean and building a new fighting style. Throughout my Mêlée history I have created my own fighting style, and it was My fighting style that influenced many of the other fighters. I enjoy creating my own methods. This is also true with Halo2. I bought the game when it was released and created my own fighting style since day one. My style leaked into Jon's style and molded Ben Lee's whole game. It makes me proud when I see them do well in Halo because it feels like I am a part of the winnings. The same story goes for DDR. I had nothing to model my style from, so I taught myself. It was brand new to everyone and being the first to lead the way is something I am very proud of. I didn't even realize everyone was following my footsteps until one day Tony Seeman told me that its nice having something to base lessons off of. Only after that did I realize I pave a lot paths for others. I am very much looking forward to Brawl, but I will continue to perfect my Mêlée game. I need to be ready for the day I get beat down hard my a stronger opponent.
The oldest players on record are Jon, Richard and Myself, but the oldest Mêlée players are from Dean's GameCube era. When we first started keeping track of stats, Dick, Jon and I signed up together. I believe it was then Mitch and Dawson who joined. Then it was probably Peter and shortly after Dean and Andy. Recently Nick, Red and Vince have enlisted. The latest addition was Dave just a week ago.
In each post I want to have three reoccurring columns. One about little traditions and unwritten rules our network played by. Most of these old practices no longer apply since they were purged by the younger fighters. The second reoccurring column is where I want to write out some cool tips that people might not know about. In the last section I want to post recent updates, I have a few I need to list today. I will keep the first two sections fairly short this time because I didn't expect the blog to be this long.
Tradition
This is an important one and it has been brought up a couple of times this past month. The idea of character claim. Some might think it is a stupid idea, and it kind of is, but it's about respect and loyalty. I also think playing with one character makes you a better fighter. All of the best fighters I fought, played with one character. Our Mêlée elite group that consists of Jon, Dean and Myself all have characters claimed. I was asked by a couple of members if I could give them a character recently, and it just doesn't work like that. You have to earn your character. You just have to keep using the same character and respect the game and the rest will take care of its self. You don't have to be good to claim a character, but if you show that you are loyal to one character and that you are a virtuous fighter, you should be allowed to pick a character without others getting in the way. This idea of character claim a lot of history, but a part of it is so there aren't any doubles playing at the same time. Some people complained in the past about losing track of which fighter belonged to who. So it helps people keep track, but there are many other traditions and elements involved. After you have played with one person for a while, Dean, Jon, Dawson and I will vote to see if the fighter is worthy of a character claim. I am thinking the group that decides will consist of Jon, Dean and Myself from now on since Dawson isn't around and I don't consider him an elite fighter. I think we had him around since we needed another voter in the past but with the emergence of Dean his services are no longer needed. So basically, play with one character, show that you are a respectable fighter, and things should work out by them self. Sometimes a battle between two people is needed to decide who gets a character because it wouldn't make sense to give the character to a less skilled fighter. Only one of these have happened and I don't see many of the happening since many people quit on their characters. I hope this clears it up a little.
Here is a short list of characters that can't be used:
Dr. Mario (Min)
Zelda/Sheik (Jon)
Roy (Daws)
Jigglypuff (Den)
The next longest running steak is Vince with Samus.
Tips
I think I am going to state only one tip so I can end this post soon. Here is one that I thought everyone knew, but recently figured out only a small portion knew.
The invisibility pick up is useful not because you become invisible, but because when you have it on, you can't receive damage. People usually ignore the pickup because you obviously aren't invisible, and why would you want to be completely invisible. Some people say when you pick it up, you are invincible, but don't think that. If you have a high percentage, you can still be knocked out of a level with it on. If you grab it when you are at 0%, you will stay at 0% for as long as it lasts. So don't think this pickup is useless, because if you think about the trade off, it could equal a life. If you inflict 50% while you have it and avoid 50%, thats a net worth of 100%. Seems worth it to me.
Recent News
Finish this post off with some news.
1) Dean has earned the rights to Jigglypuff. This news might be a month or two old now, but it is major and I felt I should list it.
2) Dean entered the ranks of an Elite fighter. That makes three of us now. This is also old news, but important news.
3) Nick and Mitch lost their progression for character claims. Mitch switched his character recently and Nick experimented with others. Experimenting doesn't hurt you as much, but it definitely slows your claim down.
4) Dr. Mario the character has clocked in the maximum amount of minutes that can be recorded. Thought this was kind of cool.
5) David Weum has joined our network.
Can't wait to play some Mêlée this weekend!
The End
Somtimes, I feel so worthless
Sometimes, I feel like I am the only who cares.
Last night I wrote a sweet ass blog on MySpace for some reason and then all of a sudden MySpace got fucked up and I lost it all. Now I remember why I hate writing blogs on MySpace. Fuck you MySpace! It was such a good blog to, I got some good venting in.
Right now I am sitting in the MLK lab writing this out and eating a Banana Joe bought me before school today at the gas station. 4 for a buck and he insisted I take two of them. It a good ass banana though.
I feel like I haven't blogged in a long time, and well its because I haven't. I usually blog on Tuesdays when I have like a 2 hour gap between classes but I had to meet my Career Exploration group to get a project done. So now, if I can even remember, I have to write about what I did at the end of my spring break, what I've been up to and just a bunch of other things I have on my mind.
Before I start I have to talk about something that just happened today or else I'll forget since I don't have this one written in my blog notes. We went to the library to learn about at microfilms or something, I forget what they are called, and the lady that showed us how to use them was very nice, but she had an accent. It amazes me how inconsiderate people. She was the nicest, brightest librarian I have ever seen and still people ridiculed her because she spoke a little funny. It amazes me that people can't see through the exterior and look deeper into someones true personality. Its times like these that makes me hate people more and more. We are suppose to be the greatest creatures on the Earth. I like to think we are the worst. There aren't enough decent people on this Earth. One day all those nuclear missiles will in handy.
Alright, lets get the end of my Spring Break in while I remember it. On one of the nights I went over to Peter's and hung out with a fresh group of people. Mitch and Peter were there, but Gifford, Weum, Gallus and Megan were also there. It reminded me how much I like being around people. It was nice to be in the middle of a fresh new group. Not only that, they are very respectable people which made it that much better. But I also know, when you spend more time with people, you get to see their poor qualities and thats when you really discover who people are. Not saying they are bad people, because I don't think that at all, but I've seen it happen where I think I meet someone really nice, but they turn out to be a fag (Not literally). I wouldn't mind a few new people in my life to keep things fresh. Makes me more excited to move into Melrose because that will give me a chance to go out and meet people. I think right now I need someone who is a lot like me. Someone with the same morals, same interests, someone who views life the way I do and many other qualities. Sometimes I do feel kind of alone, because I don't think any one really understands me.
I don't remember much from spring break. It feels like it was a month ago but it was just last week. It feels like the Taking Back Sunday show was months ago but it was just two weeks ago. Crazy how time and memories clash. I believe on Friday of my spring break I went out with my Mom and Dad and caught a Korean movie at the theater in uptown. Its called The Host and I guess it is the top grossing film in Korea; eat shit Titanic. Was a pretty good movie, kind of long, but it was fairly entertaining. The CGI was little iffy but nothing you couldn't get passed. I mean shit, if I could do computer graphics that well, I wouldn't mind. The movie was about a creature that spawns because of American influenced pollution in the Han river. The movie has a slight anti-American feel to it which I actually kind of enjoyed (More on this later). The creature feeds on humans and the movie follows the story of one family's attempt to save a family member. I don't remember what happened over the weekend. Must have been pretty uneventful. Oh! On Saturday we went out looking for Final Fantasy 7. We went to an EB Games but they didn't have anything and it was expected since they are pretty much GameStop now. Then we thought we would try GameCrazy but when we got there the store didn't even exist anymore. So, I thought of this locally owned store in Brooklyn Park called Game N' Go. They had a shit ton old games. They had 3 copies of Final Fantasy 7. Two in the Greatest Hits cover and one in the original cover. We had scored, well, we would have scored if the game wasn't $129.99. I guess you could one of the greatest hits versions for $100. I wasn't ready to drop that much on a PS game. Looked like we were never going to get our hands on FF7, but just recently I found a computer version on the HUB, so we will probably crank that one out. Went home, played a shit load of Melee, For like the whole night I think. Went to Applebees, got some grub, went home and played some God of War since Mitch got it at EB Games. Looked like the first one pretty much. Sunday, I organized my MySpace and Facebook and my laptop and Hard drive. Then went to Dean's to sleep over where I did my HUB shopping and found the FF7 game. I also got the Advent Children soundtrack and I've been listening to that ever since. Amazing stuff (More on it later).
I forget what day I went to the bank with my Mom, but she needed to go and I wanted to cash my change so I tagged along. My Mom had saved a bunch of pennies so she told me to cash those while I was there. She had a shit load of pennies where I had a mixture of pennies, nickels and dimes and we wanted to see who had more net value. She won, but she let me keep it all so I made $20 dollars just by trading on coins. I am a TCF member so cashing coins is free if I do it at a TCF. Usually you need to show a card or something with proof that you are a TCF member. Well I was about the pull my card out and the teller told me she believed me and that I wouldn't need to show her any proof. It doesn't seem like a lot, but just that certificate of trust touched me. Made me realize that I value peoples trust in me a lot more then I had realized. Trust is a very important thing, I already knew that, but it was a good reminder. I think Loyalty has strong correlations with trust, and those two qualities don't come easy to a lot of people. Damn shame.
Got to get to my Korean class. Class is starting a bit early today because we are watching a Korean flick and our teacher wanted to squeeze it in in two days instead of it leaking it into Monday. So I will save this as a draft and continue when I get out.
The movie started pretty good! Should be nice to wrap up my school week with an entertaining movie.
Couple more things before I start my Melee blog.
I've been killing this Advent Children soundtrack ever since I got it off the HUB. So many great elements to the music. Nobuo Uematsu is an awesome composer. I mixes rock and theatrical and symphonic elements all in one. And I think it works great! Just a ton of emotion infused into the music. I think its awesome that he can blend a driving Story of the Year like guitar riff and bring Bach and a choir into it and keep a very theatrical feel to it all. While we are talking about music, why is the genre I like so much called "Rock?" Why is that genre named after a piece of Earth? Maybe someone can explain this to me.
One more thing before my Melee blog. A couple of things made me think of this, but I was thinking about the election coming up in 08. Maybe its because its the first election I am able to vote for, but I think this next election is going to be very important. It seems like America is in a sensitive state right now. I could care less about this black president, woman president buzz. I mean it would be cool, but I think the bigger issue is, can we elect a decent person? Not that Bush is a bad person, but c'mon, he just seems like a dumbass. I think we need someone that brings people skills, morals and other human qualities, and not worry so much about politics. After we put a good human being in office, the rest will take care of it self. I think we need someone who can make us proud to be the people we are. The Host presented some anti-American messages, and I'm glad they did. Even Americans seemed to have anti-American feelings now. We need someone who can bring is all together. I think that quality of being united is underrated. Think about it. Would you ever consider teaming up with a Tiger or another animal? No, because there is no bond between the two. But lets says aliens come to Earth and they threaten to eliminate all Earthlings, now you and the Tiger are grouped into the same group. Only when we have a connection with someone is when we truly look out for each other.
Alrighty, I got a bunch of other things I want to talk about but they can wait. The girl to my left is dancing in her seat listening to music and the girl to my right is blogging. Good for her.
Last night I wrote a sweet ass blog on MySpace for some reason and then all of a sudden MySpace got fucked up and I lost it all. Now I remember why I hate writing blogs on MySpace. Fuck you MySpace! It was such a good blog to, I got some good venting in.
Right now I am sitting in the MLK lab writing this out and eating a Banana Joe bought me before school today at the gas station. 4 for a buck and he insisted I take two of them. It a good ass banana though.
I feel like I haven't blogged in a long time, and well its because I haven't. I usually blog on Tuesdays when I have like a 2 hour gap between classes but I had to meet my Career Exploration group to get a project done. So now, if I can even remember, I have to write about what I did at the end of my spring break, what I've been up to and just a bunch of other things I have on my mind.
Before I start I have to talk about something that just happened today or else I'll forget since I don't have this one written in my blog notes. We went to the library to learn about at microfilms or something, I forget what they are called, and the lady that showed us how to use them was very nice, but she had an accent. It amazes me how inconsiderate people. She was the nicest, brightest librarian I have ever seen and still people ridiculed her because she spoke a little funny. It amazes me that people can't see through the exterior and look deeper into someones true personality. Its times like these that makes me hate people more and more. We are suppose to be the greatest creatures on the Earth. I like to think we are the worst. There aren't enough decent people on this Earth. One day all those nuclear missiles will in handy.
Alright, lets get the end of my Spring Break in while I remember it. On one of the nights I went over to Peter's and hung out with a fresh group of people. Mitch and Peter were there, but Gifford, Weum, Gallus and Megan were also there. It reminded me how much I like being around people. It was nice to be in the middle of a fresh new group. Not only that, they are very respectable people which made it that much better. But I also know, when you spend more time with people, you get to see their poor qualities and thats when you really discover who people are. Not saying they are bad people, because I don't think that at all, but I've seen it happen where I think I meet someone really nice, but they turn out to be a fag (Not literally). I wouldn't mind a few new people in my life to keep things fresh. Makes me more excited to move into Melrose because that will give me a chance to go out and meet people. I think right now I need someone who is a lot like me. Someone with the same morals, same interests, someone who views life the way I do and many other qualities. Sometimes I do feel kind of alone, because I don't think any one really understands me.
I don't remember much from spring break. It feels like it was a month ago but it was just last week. It feels like the Taking Back Sunday show was months ago but it was just two weeks ago. Crazy how time and memories clash. I believe on Friday of my spring break I went out with my Mom and Dad and caught a Korean movie at the theater in uptown. Its called The Host and I guess it is the top grossing film in Korea; eat shit Titanic. Was a pretty good movie, kind of long, but it was fairly entertaining. The CGI was little iffy but nothing you couldn't get passed. I mean shit, if I could do computer graphics that well, I wouldn't mind. The movie was about a creature that spawns because of American influenced pollution in the Han river. The movie has a slight anti-American feel to it which I actually kind of enjoyed (More on this later). The creature feeds on humans and the movie follows the story of one family's attempt to save a family member. I don't remember what happened over the weekend. Must have been pretty uneventful. Oh! On Saturday we went out looking for Final Fantasy 7. We went to an EB Games but they didn't have anything and it was expected since they are pretty much GameStop now. Then we thought we would try GameCrazy but when we got there the store didn't even exist anymore. So, I thought of this locally owned store in Brooklyn Park called Game N' Go. They had a shit ton old games. They had 3 copies of Final Fantasy 7. Two in the Greatest Hits cover and one in the original cover. We had scored, well, we would have scored if the game wasn't $129.99. I guess you could one of the greatest hits versions for $100. I wasn't ready to drop that much on a PS game. Looked like we were never going to get our hands on FF7, but just recently I found a computer version on the HUB, so we will probably crank that one out. Went home, played a shit load of Melee, For like the whole night I think. Went to Applebees, got some grub, went home and played some God of War since Mitch got it at EB Games. Looked like the first one pretty much. Sunday, I organized my MySpace and Facebook and my laptop and Hard drive. Then went to Dean's to sleep over where I did my HUB shopping and found the FF7 game. I also got the Advent Children soundtrack and I've been listening to that ever since. Amazing stuff (More on it later).
I forget what day I went to the bank with my Mom, but she needed to go and I wanted to cash my change so I tagged along. My Mom had saved a bunch of pennies so she told me to cash those while I was there. She had a shit load of pennies where I had a mixture of pennies, nickels and dimes and we wanted to see who had more net value. She won, but she let me keep it all so I made $20 dollars just by trading on coins. I am a TCF member so cashing coins is free if I do it at a TCF. Usually you need to show a card or something with proof that you are a TCF member. Well I was about the pull my card out and the teller told me she believed me and that I wouldn't need to show her any proof. It doesn't seem like a lot, but just that certificate of trust touched me. Made me realize that I value peoples trust in me a lot more then I had realized. Trust is a very important thing, I already knew that, but it was a good reminder. I think Loyalty has strong correlations with trust, and those two qualities don't come easy to a lot of people. Damn shame.
Got to get to my Korean class. Class is starting a bit early today because we are watching a Korean flick and our teacher wanted to squeeze it in in two days instead of it leaking it into Monday. So I will save this as a draft and continue when I get out.
The movie started pretty good! Should be nice to wrap up my school week with an entertaining movie.
Couple more things before I start my Melee blog.
I've been killing this Advent Children soundtrack ever since I got it off the HUB. So many great elements to the music. Nobuo Uematsu is an awesome composer. I mixes rock and theatrical and symphonic elements all in one. And I think it works great! Just a ton of emotion infused into the music. I think its awesome that he can blend a driving Story of the Year like guitar riff and bring Bach and a choir into it and keep a very theatrical feel to it all. While we are talking about music, why is the genre I like so much called "Rock?" Why is that genre named after a piece of Earth? Maybe someone can explain this to me.
One more thing before my Melee blog. A couple of things made me think of this, but I was thinking about the election coming up in 08. Maybe its because its the first election I am able to vote for, but I think this next election is going to be very important. It seems like America is in a sensitive state right now. I could care less about this black president, woman president buzz. I mean it would be cool, but I think the bigger issue is, can we elect a decent person? Not that Bush is a bad person, but c'mon, he just seems like a dumbass. I think we need someone that brings people skills, morals and other human qualities, and not worry so much about politics. After we put a good human being in office, the rest will take care of it self. I think we need someone who can make us proud to be the people we are. The Host presented some anti-American messages, and I'm glad they did. Even Americans seemed to have anti-American feelings now. We need someone who can bring is all together. I think that quality of being united is underrated. Think about it. Would you ever consider teaming up with a Tiger or another animal? No, because there is no bond between the two. But lets says aliens come to Earth and they threaten to eliminate all Earthlings, now you and the Tiger are grouped into the same group. Only when we have a connection with someone is when we truly look out for each other.
Alrighty, I got a bunch of other things I want to talk about but they can wait. The girl to my left is dancing in her seat listening to music and the girl to my right is blogging. Good for her.
Monday, March 19, 2007
The Rules For Being Human
I just read this out of a book and I had to write them out in a blog right away. The book does not give an author to these rules.
The Rules For Being Human
1) You will receive a body: You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2) You will learn lessons: You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opporunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3) There are no mistakes, only lessons: Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."
4) A lesson is repeated until it is learned: : A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it you can go on to the next lesson.
5) Learning lessons does not end: There is not part of life that does not conatain lessons. If you are alive, there are always lessons to be learned.
6) "There" is no better than "here" : When your "there" has become a "here," you will simply obtain another "there" that will, again, look better than "here."
7) Others are merely mirrors of you: You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8) What you make of your life is up to you: You have all the tools and resources you need; what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9) The answers lie inside you: The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.
10) YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS
I wish I had time to explain my feelings but I have shit tons of homework. Project due tommorrow. I just thought I'd share somer very impressive and imporant rules.
The Rules For Being Human
1) You will receive a body: You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2) You will learn lessons: You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opporunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3) There are no mistakes, only lessons: Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."
4) A lesson is repeated until it is learned: : A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it you can go on to the next lesson.
5) Learning lessons does not end: There is not part of life that does not conatain lessons. If you are alive, there are always lessons to be learned.
6) "There" is no better than "here" : When your "there" has become a "here," you will simply obtain another "there" that will, again, look better than "here."
7) Others are merely mirrors of you: You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8) What you make of your life is up to you: You have all the tools and resources you need; what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9) The answers lie inside you: The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.
10) YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS
I wish I had time to explain my feelings but I have shit tons of homework. Project due tommorrow. I just thought I'd share somer very impressive and imporant rules.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Zombie Dream Chapter 3
The roads are dead and the ride is quiet. The sun is orange and it keeps trying to peek over the clouds. Dawson and I don't say much. I think its hard to actually acknowledge that some one died. This wasn't part of the plan. It is hard for me to get my thoughts strait. Every time I try to plan out what needs to be done next, my mind wanders back and I try to play out what happened back at the store differently, but it always ends the same way. We are getting close to the Fargo exit and before we do I tell Dawson to pull off into the next exit so we can regroup before we get to Dean's. This time I am making sure no one is left behind. Dawson exits and the rest of the cars follow and we all park at a gas station and talk out next move over. Everyone seems okay and back to their normal selves. Maybe I am being to hard on myself. The sun is getting darker and I wanted to get to Dean's before dark but there is no way we can get there that fast. A couple of headlights can be seen coming toward us and they seem really bright since the sun is going down. They drive into the parking lot and a couple of people hop out. Cory Johnson and Andy Christenson are the first people I see. I don't say hi. Out of all the people, and all the places, they are here. I let Dawson and some of the parents do all the talking. I hop back in the car. Dawson and Cory walk up to my door and I step out. Cory pats me on my shoulder and says hi and I give him a quick look and I ask Dawson, "Whats up?" Dawson informs me that Cory's group will be joining us. I guess thats what I get for not being involved in the discussion. I give Dawson a silent "Are you serious" look and grit my teeth behind my lips. I don't say anything and hop back in the car. Andy's parents and Jon's parents are talking and the kids are off interacting. I get sick of waiting in the car and I come out. Cory, Laura and Tiffany all say hi and I only reply back to Tiffany. I remind the parents that we need to get moving and they agree. I ask Dawson in the car why he thought it would be a good idea to take Cory's group with us. He says that he thinks it would be a good idea to have more people. I tell him that you can't fuck with chemistry and that I would take quality over quantity any day. Dawson tells me that the our parents thought it would be a good idea too. Of course they do I think to myself. "Did you fill the new group in on what our plan is?" I ask Dawson, He says yes. My intuition tells me that this is not going to work out well, but I accept it. I also know that if I keep ignoring Cory's group while they are working with us, that it will hurt the whole group. So I choke back my pride and tell myself from now on I will forget the past. I call Cory and I ask him how everyone in their camp is and he says everyone is fine. I ask him if I can talk to Andy. Cory passes the phone to Andy and we just say quickly say hello and small talk for a second then he passes the phone to Tiffany. Tiffany and I babble for a little then we hang up. We get to Grand Forks, the city is still pretty calm. We get to Dean's house and he lets us in. Everyone goes off into the own little clumps and talk. I catch Dean up on what we have been doing and he tells us what he and his family has been doing. After everyone settles we go back out and carry some things from the car into Dean's house. Everyone is so casual about it and it bothers me. I don't help move things in but I stand out in Dean's drive way and keep an eye out for anything suspicious. Maybe I am overreacting. We all have dinner together and it is very filling. Everyone sits around and chats after dinner. Everyone is up beat and happy. I'm forced to bring everyone back to earth because I want to plan out what we need to do tomorrow. After we get everything planed out, everyone relaxes and starts joking again. Cory brings up a bunch of beers and liquor and begins to pass it around. I ask Dean, Jon, Mitch not to partake. They follow up on my request. I didn't want a bunch of drunks trying to defend them selves. We walk downstairs to find thats where all the kids are. They ask me whats going on and I tell them everyone is upstairs getting drunk. Leah, Natalie, Katie and Tiffany are playing with David in the corner. Dick, Jon, Mitch and I sit around and just chat. Tiffany joins us later. I tell them that the plan is to leave when the sun comes up so we can maximize our time with daylight, but that I doubt it will happen with what is going on up stairs. Thats okay, Dean doesn't like the morning anyways. Cory walks downstairs and begins to make strange noises and is very disruptive. He knocks some things over and they shatter and when I look at Dean he doesn't seem to mind. I guess those were things they were planning to leave behind. Efficient, I like that. I try to guide Cory back upstairs softly but it doesn't work and I resort to pulling him up. I wanted to relax, calm my mind and talk things over with my friends. Tiffany gets up and walks toward the stairs to go up and I'm about to reach out and I take a breath to ask her to stay, but nothing comes up and I let her go. We set up our sleeping bags and get everything ready for bed. I want some people to at least get a good nights sleep. I go up stairs to see how everyone is doing and to suggest that people should try and get some rest. The Johnson's are drunk and Tiffany is looking after them, and the Franklin's are also drunk. My parents are doing fine and so are Dean's parents. I suggest sleep but my words just go through the two drunk families, but the mildly buzzed families tell me they will take care of everyone upstairs. I walk downstairs and Tiffany follows. I feel bad because now its only a group of drunk parents up stairs I they are pretty defenseless. I walk down and some of the younger kids are sleeping. I tell Dean, Jon and Mitch that we might need to keep an eye on the parents up stairs. I tell them to have their weapons ready just in case. Everyone in the basement thats not already sleeping crawls into their sleeping bags. Before I roll into mine I throw another blanket over the youngsters. We all lay there and just chat about random things. The parents are pretty noisy upstairs. Slowly people begin to fall asleep. I think Dean and Tiffany are the last ones to fall asleep. It sounds like most of the parents upstairs are starting to fall asleep too. For some reason I can't go to bed. I just roll around under my sleeping bag and stare at the ceiling. I get fed up and I roll out and I just sit there on the couch with my chin on my hands. Tiffany and Dean are sleeping next to me and they look peaceful, almost smiling in their sleep. I tip toe to the bathroom and take a piss then return to the couch. I check my pistol to see if its loaded. Fully loaded, good. I walk upstairs to see how the parents are doing and they are all snoozing. They all looked relaxed and it makes me comfortable just looking at them. Dawson and Cory are sleeping on the table with drool hanging from their mouths. I sit at the bottom of the stairs that connects the up stairs and split. I look at all the shoes in the little room. I look at the door and I keep imagining something busting through them and it makes me grip my gun tighter. I think I sit there for a couple of hours and then walk back downstairs to try my luck with some sleep. I jump into my sleeping bag it the ruckus wakes Dean and Tiffany up. They ask me what I'm doing up so late and I just tell them that I couldn't sleep and that everything is okay. I lay there, and soon I doze off.
Morning. Sunny and humid. When I open my eyes I see some of kids that went to bed first are awake and my parents and Dean's parents are packing things. I get up and nudge Jon so he wakes up. I figure Dean won't be much help in the morning, and a grumpy Mitch wouldn't do us any good. Jon and I start cleaning and packing. Most of the parents are still sleeping. Slowly everyone starts to wake up about a hour later. All the people upstairs are grumpy and hung over and they all try to wash up. I can't believe how relaxed they are and how careless they are. The plan was to leave as soon as the sun came up and we were already plenty late. I just tell everyone to hurry the fuck up. While people are washing up I pack everything and set it by the door. When everyone is ready we meet up to talk the plan over. I feel like I have to tell everyone a billion times because they aren't taking things seriously. We have to incorporate the new group. I think of a new line we are going to drive in, I tell everyone to switch contact information, I assign weapons and go over other details. Everyone looks like they understand. I start thinking to myself no wonder Tony died, he joined a group of idiots. I go back downstairs and discuss things over with Dean and Jon before we load the cars. I tell them how upset I am with everyone being so damn calm. They tell me not to worry, but it doesn't help much. I go back up stairs and tell everyone its time to roll. Before we open the door I talk to my parents and make sure they understand what is going on. I think about riding with them, but I didn't want to set a bad example. Got to follow the plan. I make sure they have their weapons and everything they need. I give them all hugs and tell them we will talk soon. I give the people at the door the signal to open the door. Before Dean, Jon and Mitch walk out I tell them to keep their eyes open. I tell them that the others are to relaxed and that we may need to step up. A couple of people grab some bags and walk out casually. Dean, Jon and Mitch walk out without any bags but station them selves so they can cover the others. I walk out with my family and I grab a bag from my Moms hand and set it into the Suburban. I watch Leah and Richard hop into the car then I head back in the house to grab some more stuff. I give Dean, Jon and Mitch a head nod on the way in letting them know I like what they are doing. As I walk in I see Tiffany trying to carry a heavy bag up the stairs so I help her. I grab it from her and carry it out to the Johnson's ride for her. I ask the Johnson's how they are doing and they joke around. I go back in to check if we have everything and it looks like we do. I tell everyone else to double check. While people are going in and out I stand with Dean, Jon and Mitch on guard. I tell them that they should go in quick and double check too. Everyone comes out, and Dean's Dad locks the door behind him. I tell everyone to make sure their guns are ready and to drive safely. Off to Canada.
Morning. Sunny and humid. When I open my eyes I see some of kids that went to bed first are awake and my parents and Dean's parents are packing things. I get up and nudge Jon so he wakes up. I figure Dean won't be much help in the morning, and a grumpy Mitch wouldn't do us any good. Jon and I start cleaning and packing. Most of the parents are still sleeping. Slowly everyone starts to wake up about a hour later. All the people upstairs are grumpy and hung over and they all try to wash up. I can't believe how relaxed they are and how careless they are. The plan was to leave as soon as the sun came up and we were already plenty late. I just tell everyone to hurry the fuck up. While people are washing up I pack everything and set it by the door. When everyone is ready we meet up to talk the plan over. I feel like I have to tell everyone a billion times because they aren't taking things seriously. We have to incorporate the new group. I think of a new line we are going to drive in, I tell everyone to switch contact information, I assign weapons and go over other details. Everyone looks like they understand. I start thinking to myself no wonder Tony died, he joined a group of idiots. I go back downstairs and discuss things over with Dean and Jon before we load the cars. I tell them how upset I am with everyone being so damn calm. They tell me not to worry, but it doesn't help much. I go back up stairs and tell everyone its time to roll. Before we open the door I talk to my parents and make sure they understand what is going on. I think about riding with them, but I didn't want to set a bad example. Got to follow the plan. I make sure they have their weapons and everything they need. I give them all hugs and tell them we will talk soon. I give the people at the door the signal to open the door. Before Dean, Jon and Mitch walk out I tell them to keep their eyes open. I tell them that the others are to relaxed and that we may need to step up. A couple of people grab some bags and walk out casually. Dean, Jon and Mitch walk out without any bags but station them selves so they can cover the others. I walk out with my family and I grab a bag from my Moms hand and set it into the Suburban. I watch Leah and Richard hop into the car then I head back in the house to grab some more stuff. I give Dean, Jon and Mitch a head nod on the way in letting them know I like what they are doing. As I walk in I see Tiffany trying to carry a heavy bag up the stairs so I help her. I grab it from her and carry it out to the Johnson's ride for her. I ask the Johnson's how they are doing and they joke around. I go back in to check if we have everything and it looks like we do. I tell everyone else to double check. While people are going in and out I stand with Dean, Jon and Mitch on guard. I tell them that they should go in quick and double check too. Everyone comes out, and Dean's Dad locks the door behind him. I tell everyone to make sure their guns are ready and to drive safely. Off to Canada.
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