Human Fate

I'm finished packing and I move back home from Melrose tomorrow. I'm really excited to go back home where I don't have to worry about keeping things in order alone, or keeping things clean alone. Home is some place team work is valued. At the same time, I feel like I am going to miss a certain part of Melrose and my time here. I don't know exactly what it is, but while I was packing I felt sorry almost. I'm no good at goodbyes, maybe that's all it was.

I keep having this reoccurring dream. Actually, I don't know if it reoccurring but there are elements with in the dream that reoccur. It has been a while since this has repeated but I do remember repeatedly seeing a toothbrush where the bristles are not fiber but rather plastic material. I know there are other reoccurring items and elements but I can't recall them at the time being. I wonder if these items hold some sort of symbolic significance? Maybe I am trying to tell or teach myself something. To look out for something.

I just watched something that really made me think. Is human fate moving in circles or is more of a path? Does it not feel like sometimes we going no where? No matter how much we advance or push forward we are always back in the same spot. Why is it that we search for strength, wisdom and greatness? When we get there won't we just want more? We go in circles. If this is the case, aren't you glad that our time here is limited. Life would be pointless. Or, is our path in life a strait line? If this is the case, we are racing time to see how far we can get before our bodies can no longer support our desires. Even if our fates were a strait path, would we want infinite time to live? There has to be an end right? When we get these what is next? Again, this debate about what life really is. What is worse: knowing that we may never reach "the end," or the possibility that we reach "the end" and there is nothing after it. Is this search for power worth it? If we don't have something to chase, what is there to search for?

You know what I hate hearing. I hate hearing peoples excuses when they turn 18. People always tell their parents, "you can't tell me what to do, I'm 18 now." Well if you want to be treated like an adult, act like an adult. Go out and pay for your own shit and support your own family. I'm glad I never used that lame ass excuse on my parents because I knew back that 18 means doesn't mean a damn thing. It is this arbitrary number that man and society picked out. What does number 18 have to do with how mentally strong you are? I know some 21 year olds that are stupider, yes, STUPIDER, than some 15 year olds I know. What the fuck does age have to do with anything? It is some number someone thought would be a good guideline to measure human beings.

What's worse: knowing that the people around you will inevitably leave you, or, fighting for a chance to keep those people?