Bloody Nose

Really just writing to fulfill my promise to myself that I'd write these more frequently.

So I've been trying these little personal experiments lately, and I'm finding them very interesting. I've been running with the more "militant atheism" approach lately. Not really my style, but I found it to be cool. It seems to piss a lot of people off, but maybe they shouldn't be so damn religious. I heard a writer put it really nicely the other day and called religion a social disorder. One side is able to exert more pressure than the other side. I think every time I deal with Christians, I become more and more of an atheist. They are really an interesting bunch. A little delusional, but interesting. I'm just trying to promote a little doubt. I only know a couple of things for certain, but the biggest thing I know is, I know nothing. I know that most of us know nothing, so it does upset me when people act like they know. I think the next little experiment I'm going to try is lying. Try lying a little bit. Tell some fake stories, say I did something when I didn't. Just see where it takes me.

It seems that I've been trying to find a little motivation in life lately. I keep asking myself what the point of life is. I've been feeling a little unfulfilled lately. My life really doesn't have a lot of momentum. I wake up, surf the interweb, edit videos, go to work, and then come home and sit around. It was Dawson's birthday last week, and I couldn't really think of anything interesting to do. We went and watched Jennifer's Body. It's sad when Jennifer's Body is the most interesting thing I could come up with for my friend's birthday. I guess people my age are usually out getting drunk, but that is just not a scene I can get into. I think that is a culture I really will never understand, and something I don't think I want to understand. Drinking/binge drinking seems like an absolutely ridiculous act to me. I guess being strait edge and not exactly enjoying the company of drunks cuts about 90% of social activities for people my age. Maybe a little wine? That shit is suppose to be good in small amounts, right? I think it was about a year ago, I told myself I am going to try and cut out all the useless people in my life. I think I did a good job dumping this weight. It turns out there is only about 3 people (minus my family) that I can really trust. Good friends of mine, but even friendship is a risky relationship. Many years ago I learned that the level of "love" in friendships is only as good as the amount of "goods" I have to offer. It's kind of a business. There is a song by Anberlin called, "Never Take Friendship Personal," and I live by that because I know friends come and go. Maybe other people have relationships with friends that aren't like this, but I kind of doubt it. They just haven't realized it. This all sounds bad, but that is because we have made it out that way. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I guess I just wanted to put out there that I'm searching. Searching for something to hold on to. Grab, never let go and just keep running. And running. And running. Until my legs give out, until I just fall over, and go to sleep.