I was trying to think of a meaningful title for this blog, but couldn't come up with anything. Shows you how creative I am.
I just finished watching a Korean flick called Treeless Mountain. Not the most amazing thing I've ever seen, but it was a decent watch. I think I suck a watching realist films because I have been struggling with those lately. Realist films tend to be a little slower than I like, but if done right, it can really expose life like only cinema can. I don't think I've seen/heard as much off screen dialogue in a film as I did in Treeless Mountain. I think this film was a bit better for me being that it is a Korean movie. I hated to sub-titles as I thought the translations were awful. It's a good thing I understand Korean better than I can speak/write/read it. I think watching more Korean movies will help my Korean develop. I can't wait to visit Korea again and see my aunts, uncles, cousins, but I really want to see my grandmother. The grandmother in the movie really reminded me of my own. I doubt I will be able to engage in a meaningful conversation with my grandmother, just basic yes or no answers responses to her questions, but there is a bond between family I just can't articulate. Just being around makes me feel infinitely safer/comfortable. I wondered during the movie what life might have been if my parents chose to stay in Korea. There is nothing I can think of in America that I am so attached to that I couldn't give up. Everything would be an easy sacrifice to be able to send my parents to their home, where family is, where people speak their language, where they wouldn't have to second guess cultural standards. I don't have many friends here, I seem not to fit in very well, I can't seem to find my inner capitalist to take advantage of opportunities. I'm not saying Korea would be a better fit, but I wonder sometimes. I'm sure when I'm there, I'll want to be here, and while I'm here, I want to be there. Koreans are probably still a bit more conservative and that doesn't fit me too well. Argh, I meant to write about my grandmother, but got derailed a bit. And now I've actually used my title in my blog. An act of god, I'm assuming.
For the past few days I've really wanted to visit Europe. I don't know why I got the sudden urge, but I just want see a new group of people. Something not American. If only I had the funds.
I've been wanting to do some album reviews since I've been getting a lot of music listening done. I've been listening to a lot of Between The Trees (although I've worn them out a bit now), the brand new Brand New, Paramore, Lights, with a little Saosin and The Used mixed in. The new Paramore I think is a step above Riot!, but I don't think will be as popular. You never know though, their momentum from Riot! might carry the album. Riot! was a singles gold mine, but the overall record was pretty weak. I think this is where Brand New Eyes improves most, although it still isn't a very complete album. Right now my two favorite songs are Misguided Ghosts and The Only Exception. I think the softer more acoustic songs from Paramore are amazing. I haven't gotten enough listens yet, but I think the new Lights album might actually be better than the new Paramore. I really wasn't expecting anything from Lights, but there is some really good moments on that album. I think Pretend is a must listen!
While I'm talking about the scene a little bit, I had a random fashion thought the other day. Yes, fashion, my estrogen runs heavier than most men. It seems to me that a good pair of jeans, preferably of the skinny group, will most likely forgive a bad top. You could put almost anything on top and have a good pair of skinnys and still look good. Of course throw in a pair of good flats.
I don't really know much about Hinduism, but I was thinking the other day on the way to work, if the single Christian god (well, even though he exists in the forms. Yeah, pretty dumb) can piss me off this much, how angry would I be if I learned about all 836.5 Hindu gods? Okay, I made that number up, but I've heard they got a handful. One religion I do want to learn a little about is Buddhism. I've heard some things about Buddhism that really interested me. I heard that Buddha once said that if anyone meets him, they should kill him because no one should be idolized. That's some real shit.
When I was young, I learned that sharing was a good thing and that greed should be checked. I thought about that childhood lesson because I was wondering when the word "socialist" became such a toxic word. I don't think socialism is the answer to everything. I don't think socialism is the answer to everything. I thought I'd write that twice before people hated me for being a communist. But, in a way, isn't socialism the same a sharing? And isn't capitalism, in a sense, an enabler of greed? I think both has shortcomings, and both has benefits, but I'm confused as to when capitalism was the best idea ever, and when socialist became the most dangerous. There are some things I think we need to help each other on and shared, and there are some things that should be fought for. I think a little balance is needed. I have community ideas for certain things, and I am capitalistic about certain things. For example, when I play sports, I attack the weakness of the other team. I find a wound and I keep digging at it. But outside the sports realm, I enjoy helping people. I was thinking (I guess I was thinking a lot lately) about why I support gays so much. I have no idea why I do and I only seem to get into trouble for doing it. I am not personally gay, and I don't know any gays (well, at least none out of the closet). Why do I stick up for these people? My main point is, somewhere, somehow, the meanings of these words got twisted and spun around. Socialism is now such an evil word for what is at the core a generous idea.
I learned something about my dad the other day that I never knew (is that sentence redundant? If I learned something, how could I have known about it before?). My mom told me that my dad has been donating money for cancer research for many years now. I thought my dad was the stingiest man ever, but I don't know if I think that anymore. When ever my bother, my sister, and I wanted things when we were young, we went to my mother because we knew my father would never give in and get us the desired item. I was confused as to why my dad was so generous with other people, but was tough on us. I think he was just trying to teach us to work for everything we get. My uncle died from cancer this past spring, so I wonder if my dad will up his ante a bit. I noticed my dad is very generous with students as well. When ever students show up at our door during the summers with a product in hopes to save enough money for a semester, my dad always seems to help them out. Recently he has just been giving them money and doesn't even accept the product. The latest occurrence I witnessed was this summer when a student was selling popcorn. He was selling popcorn for a $1 each. My dad gave him $5 and didn't even take any popcorn. I gave my dad some shit afterward because I wanted some popcorn, but I now understand what he did was very generous.
I've noticed I have a lot more conservative friends. Which makes sense, I have lived in Plymouth for the last 10 years. However, I've also noticed that my friends who consider themselves conservatives, are more liberal, at least socially. They didn't specify what parts of their lives they consider themselves conservative, so I just assumed generally. However, I think socially I am more conservative than most these people. Politics and economic doctrines aside. I think society should be liberal, but the individual should be conservative, but maybe that's just me. I don't think I should have control over what other people do. I do not drink, run around with my ass exposed, or go to clubs and get my freak on. The craziest I get is rock shows and swearing, a lot. So maybe not too conservative, but at least I don't have it backwards. Many of the people I know live freely, but seem not to want other people to have the same freedoms. I guess this is where I get confused a little.
I thought about what a classmate said about one of my videos I made last semester when we were critiquing my video. My classmate told me that it seems like I am willing to take risks with the narrative and cinematography that many people are not willing to take. Very non-Hollywood he said. He very much appreciated my willingness to avoid what is standard and popular. His words have stuck with me and have been giving me strength lately. I very much feel like I'm in the minority on most things, but that's okay. I just see things differently and I'm willing to take the hard road if I have to.
