I'm finished packing and I move back home from Melrose tomorrow. I'm really excited to go back home where I don't have to worry about keeping things in order alone, or keeping things clean alone. Home is some place team work is valued. At the same time, I feel like I am going to miss a certain part of Melrose and my time here. I don't know exactly what it is, but while I was packing I felt sorry almost. I'm no good at goodbyes, maybe that's all it was.
I keep having this reoccurring dream. Actually, I don't know if it reoccurring but there are elements with in the dream that reoccur. It has been a while since this has repeated but I do remember repeatedly seeing a toothbrush where the bristles are not fiber but rather plastic material. I know there are other reoccurring items and elements but I can't recall them at the time being. I wonder if these items hold some sort of symbolic significance? Maybe I am trying to tell or teach myself something. To look out for something.
I just watched something that really made me think. Is human fate moving in circles or is more of a path? Does it not feel like sometimes we going no where? No matter how much we advance or push forward we are always back in the same spot. Why is it that we search for strength, wisdom and greatness? When we get there won't we just want more? We go in circles. If this is the case, aren't you glad that our time here is limited. Life would be pointless. Or, is our path in life a strait line? If this is the case, we are racing time to see how far we can get before our bodies can no longer support our desires. Even if our fates were a strait path, would we want infinite time to live? There has to be an end right? When we get these what is next? Again, this debate about what life really is. What is worse: knowing that we may never reach "the end," or the possibility that we reach "the end" and there is nothing after it. Is this search for power worth it? If we don't have something to chase, what is there to search for?
You know what I hate hearing. I hate hearing peoples excuses when they turn 18. People always tell their parents, "you can't tell me what to do, I'm 18 now." Well if you want to be treated like an adult, act like an adult. Go out and pay for your own shit and support your own family. I'm glad I never used that lame ass excuse on my parents because I knew back that 18 means doesn't mean a damn thing. It is this arbitrary number that man and society picked out. What does number 18 have to do with how mentally strong you are? I know some 21 year olds that are stupider, yes, STUPIDER, than some 15 year olds I know. What the fuck does age have to do with anything? It is some number someone thought would be a good guideline to measure human beings.
What's worse: knowing that the people around you will inevitably leave you, or, fighting for a chance to keep those people?
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Follow The Money
I think it's crazy how much our lives are shaped by how much money is around us. Kind of sucks huh? It's that debate about how much of our character is controlled by genes and how much is controlled by our environment. I guess money would fall under environment, but it's a big piece of the pie.
I've been reading a lot lately partly because I have to for my literature course but at the same time, I don't really mind it lately. I used to be a hater when it came to reading large amounts of pages in a short amount of time. The last novel I read was The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. There were a couple of things in the book along with other things that I've encountered in my life that made me think a little. One of the things I thought about was life and death. Some say that we only start the grasp the meaning of life when we stare death in it's eyes. We we can smell it's breath. They say everything becomes so obviously clear. Well what if a 9 year old child is faced with death, do they see the same things as a 90 year old facing death? Maybe their perception of life is even clearer than the 90 year olds who has had his or her vision altered by man made ideas and by society. A child is pure, it has yet to be influenced. Do they die more human than the rest of us? What does it mean to be human?
Why do we make up fake stories? For entertainment I suppose, but still. When looked at critically, it seems kind of foolish doesn't it? Not that I'm knocking it, cause shit, I like fake stories. I like fantasies and I like thinking of "what ifs..."
How strong is the bond of friendship? Over time, I've learned not that strong. I've always said I want to marry a person who is my friend, not someone that needs a partner for the politics of having partner. But is that bond between man and woman (well at least for me, but it can me man and man and woman and woman) and stronger than friend and friend? Why is that bonds between people break? Time? Energy? I can't quite grasp it. I like to think of my self as someone who will always be there...for friend or stranger.
Why are relationships so political now? So mechanical? Why are romantic relationships about what have you done for me lately? Why is it sex fuels romantic relationships? Shouldn't it just be a part of the experience you share together because you care for each other? Why is it shameful to be single? Why would you want to have a boy friend or girl friend just for the sake of having one? Why do people ask, "is he/she right for me?" If you have to ask, shouldn't you know?
I've read a little about Martin Luther Kind Jr., Gandhi, and Jesus lately and there is one lesson they each preached that I've been trying to live by. They believe everyone is equal, even your enemies and that you shouldn't be trying to pass everyone, but to take everyone with you. It's a tough lesson but I've been trying. I always push my self to be better and better and a good way to measure that is to compare my self to my peers. I look up to people who have advanced farther than I have because it lights a fire underneath me and it makes me work harder. Sometimes it's hard to drag people along with you because they aren't willing to put in the work. That's where there is conflict. You shouldn't leave anyone behind. MLK tried to teach us how to live like this but some people were just to stubborn, lazy, ignorant. I'm no example, but we should all strive to be better and teach others to be better.
My hands are cold.
I've been reading a lot lately partly because I have to for my literature course but at the same time, I don't really mind it lately. I used to be a hater when it came to reading large amounts of pages in a short amount of time. The last novel I read was The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. There were a couple of things in the book along with other things that I've encountered in my life that made me think a little. One of the things I thought about was life and death. Some say that we only start the grasp the meaning of life when we stare death in it's eyes. We we can smell it's breath. They say everything becomes so obviously clear. Well what if a 9 year old child is faced with death, do they see the same things as a 90 year old facing death? Maybe their perception of life is even clearer than the 90 year olds who has had his or her vision altered by man made ideas and by society. A child is pure, it has yet to be influenced. Do they die more human than the rest of us? What does it mean to be human?
Why do we make up fake stories? For entertainment I suppose, but still. When looked at critically, it seems kind of foolish doesn't it? Not that I'm knocking it, cause shit, I like fake stories. I like fantasies and I like thinking of "what ifs..."
How strong is the bond of friendship? Over time, I've learned not that strong. I've always said I want to marry a person who is my friend, not someone that needs a partner for the politics of having partner. But is that bond between man and woman (well at least for me, but it can me man and man and woman and woman) and stronger than friend and friend? Why is that bonds between people break? Time? Energy? I can't quite grasp it. I like to think of my self as someone who will always be there...for friend or stranger.
Why are relationships so political now? So mechanical? Why are romantic relationships about what have you done for me lately? Why is it sex fuels romantic relationships? Shouldn't it just be a part of the experience you share together because you care for each other? Why is it shameful to be single? Why would you want to have a boy friend or girl friend just for the sake of having one? Why do people ask, "is he/she right for me?" If you have to ask, shouldn't you know?
I've read a little about Martin Luther Kind Jr., Gandhi, and Jesus lately and there is one lesson they each preached that I've been trying to live by. They believe everyone is equal, even your enemies and that you shouldn't be trying to pass everyone, but to take everyone with you. It's a tough lesson but I've been trying. I always push my self to be better and better and a good way to measure that is to compare my self to my peers. I look up to people who have advanced farther than I have because it lights a fire underneath me and it makes me work harder. Sometimes it's hard to drag people along with you because they aren't willing to put in the work. That's where there is conflict. You shouldn't leave anyone behind. MLK tried to teach us how to live like this but some people were just to stubborn, lazy, ignorant. I'm no example, but we should all strive to be better and teach others to be better.
My hands are cold.
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