I've been in love with the library lately. It's such a great place, full of resources to enhance your mind and life. I'm afraid that with all the budget issues, libraries might soon be on the edge of the cliff. I surely hope this is not the case, as education is the great equalizer. Institutionalized education isn't the appropriate system for everyone. Some people would rather pursue an independent education, and the library is a great place for people with that preference to go.
Anyways, I'm not using this entry as a plea to keep the libraries a vibrant place. I checked out a book titled, "The Atheist's Bible" before my road trip to Denver. I originally wanted to borrow Richard Dawkins' "The God Delusion," but the two copies at the Plymouth library were checked out. Located near where "The God Delusion" would be was "The Atheist's Bible," so I grabbed it and thought I'd check it out on my way to Denver. The book is simply a collection of quotes about religion. Some quotes are serious and others very humorous. I took notes on some that I liked and I thought I'd share them. At points I got lazy and didn't mark good quotes, so this is not a list of the best from the book.
"They say God is everywhere, and yet we always think of him as somewhat of a recluse."
-Emily Dickinson.
"A tyrant...should always show a particular zeal in the cult of the gods. People are less afraid of being treated unjustly by those of this sort, that is if they think that the ruler is god-fearing and pays some regard to the gods; and they are less ready to conspire against him, if they feel that gods themselves are his friends."
-Aristotle.
"You can't convince a believer of anything; for their belief is not based on evidence, it's based on a deep-seated need to believe."
-Carl Sagan.
"I get letters constantly from people saying, "Oh, God will look after it." But he never has in the past, I don't know why they think he will in the future."
-Bertrand Russell.
"If God listened to the prayers of men, all men would have quickly perished; for they are for ever praying for evil against one another."
-Epicurus.
"The Way to see by faith is to shut the Eye of Reason."
-Benjamin Franklin.
"In science it often happens that scientists say, "You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken," and then they actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that has happened in politics or religion."
-Carl Sagan.
"If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?"
-George Daacon.
"Travler: God has been mighty good to your fields, Mr. Farmer.
Farmer: You should have seen how he treated them when I wasn't around."
-Anonymous.
"When I was a young boy, my father taught me that to be a good Catholic, I had to confess at church if I ever had impure thoughts about a girl. That very evening I had to rush to confess my sins. And the next night, and the next. After a week, I decided religion wasn't for me."
-Fidel Castro.
"Morality is of the highest importance-but for us, not for God."
-Albert Einstein.
"It was of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a person God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it."
-Albert Einstein.
"I believe in God, only I call it nature."
-Frank Lloyd Wright.
"So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospel in praise of intelligence."
-Bertrand Russell
"What is it the Bible teaches us?-rapine, cruelty, and murder. What is it the Testament teaches us?-to believe that the almighty committed debauchery with a woman engaged to be married, and the belief that this debauchery is called faith."
-Thomas Paine.
"If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities."
-Voltaire.
"If someone were to prove to me-right this minute-that God, in all his luminousness, exists, it wouldn't change a single aspect of my behavior."
-Luis Buñuel.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
A Deconstruction of Matthew Chapter 5-6
I decided to review chapters 5 and 6 of the book of Matthew in the New Testament. We have been reading through Matthew at one of the churches I attend, so I wanted to go through it one more time and hash out my thoughts into text.
I will start by copying and pasting the New International Version (NIV) translation of the chapters, so if you are familiar with the chapters, or if you only care to read up on my thoughts, please move on to the bottom half of this blog. I will list the specific verses before I share my insight, so you can conveniently and quickly reference the verses.
Matthew 5
Introduction to the Sermon on the Mount
1 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2 and he began to teach them.
The Beatitudes
He said:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Salt and Light
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
The Fulfillment of the Law
17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18 For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19 Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.
Murder
21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.
Adultery
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
Divorce
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Oaths
33 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ 34 But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37 All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
Eye for Eye
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
Love for Enemies
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Matthew 6
Giving to the Needy
1 “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
2 “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Prayer
5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
9 “This, then, is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Fasting
16 “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Treasures in Heaven
19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,[c] your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are unhealthy,[d] your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
Do Not Worry
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Before I being my deconstruction of the two chapters, I will apologize for any formating issues that might have occurred when I copied and pasted. I went back and corrected any of the issues that I could see will skimming through.
From what I was taught, the words in Matthew are the direct words of Jesus, but written by Matthew. I don't know why Jesus couldn't have just written these words himself, but there seems to be a lot of middle men in The Bible. Maybe Jesus was a poor writer, perhaps he couldn’t afford any papyrus, maybe he was too lazy, or maybe he was too proud to write his own thoughts. Regardless, the words are Jesus', but only as Matty remembers them. Defining the source becomes a bit more difficult when you look up the Gospel of Matthew on Wikipedia (my go to source). Wikipedia states that, “The Gospel of Matthew does not name its author.” And no, I will not provide a footnote and link, because I’m lazy and I don’t want any more formatting issues. I think I post to 5 different blogs, so it might become a hassle. It’s on Wikipedia, it’s not that hard to look up. Continuing. If anyone has any more knowledge on the source of this book, please educate me.
(Chapter 5:13) “You are the salt of the earth.” That Jesus sure does have some great metaphors. I personally think that calling your troops “salt” isn’t the greatest term to motivate or unify them, but hey, I can’t even get my own mother or brother to follow my philosophies. Now, I’m not assaulting salt in anyway. Salt is great, and has historically been great. One day, while waiting in a hotel room for my friends to wake up from their drunken night in Busan, I quietly watched a Discovery Channel segment on the importance of salt. People back in the time of Jesus might have appreciated salt a lot more as it was a much more precious commodity during those days. We have an abundance of salt now, whereas it was harder to come by in those days, so I don’t think people will take the words, “You are the salt of the earth,” the same way the desert dwellers did in Jesus’ time. Sure, it’s important to keep a more direct translation of Jesus’ words, but this is the New International Version. Perhaps I should have gone with the Contemporary English Version (CEV) translation to see if there are any changes in language. If I ever master The Bible and I feel confident enough, I think I might pump out a few of my own translations. I want to make a criticism immune version and name it The Hip International Version (HIV), or an overly flamboyant version named The Famously Awesome Gloze (FAG). I think there is some money to be made in making The Bible into a hip book and appealing to a wider audience. It would get the children back into reading The Bible; a demographic many religious groups are highly concerned about. Anyways, the point is, if you’re going to be the New International Version, get with the times.
(Chapter 5:17) “For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.” Nice, a little friendly competition. I have to be louder than you, to take your spot in heaven. I criticized Jesus for being a poor motivational speaker above, but he quickly made up for that. Plus, Revelations chapter 1:1-7 makes it sound like only 144,000 people get into heaven anyways. “After this I saw four angels standing at the four corners of the earth, holding back the four winds of the earth to prevent any wind from blowing on the land or on the sea or on any tree. Then I saw another angel coming up from the east, having the seal of the living God. He called out in a loud voice to the four angels who had been given power to harm the land and the sea: “Do not harm the land or the sea or the trees until we put a seal on the foreheads of the servants of our God.” Then I heard the number of those who were sealed: 144,000 from all the tribes of Israel.
From the tribe of Judah 12,000 were sealed,
from the tribe of Reuben 12,000,
from the tribe of Gad 12,000,
from the tribe of Asher 12,000,
from the tribe of Naphtali 12,000,
from the tribe of Manasseh 12,000,
from the tribe of Simeon 12,000,
from the tribe of Levi 12,000,
from the tribe of Issachar 12,000,
from the tribe of Zebulun 12,000,
from the tribe of Joseph 12,000,
from the tribe of Benjamin 12,000.”
It sounds like heaven is a pretty exclusive club. After reading that, I thought about abandoning this blog and immediately getting to work so I could claim my spot in heaven. Then I realized all 140,000 vacancies are reserved for Jews. That’s very confusing because you can ethnically be a Jew, and you can religiously be a Jew. I can convert to Judaism to better my odds of getting into heaven, but I can’t choose to be born a Jew. I’ve been taught this Jesus is a pretty fair guy, so I’m going to have to assume that the seats of heaven must be reserved for people who practice Judaism. I was raised a Seventh Day Adventist, so I’m pretty damn close to being a Jew without actually being a Jew.
(Chapter 5:23) “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” Please, please, please, make sure you leave your gift at the altar before you go to your enemy to smoothen things over. We wouldn’t want you to come back empty handed and make an extra unnecessary trip across the desert a fourth time just to go back and get your offering. We’re just looking out for your best interest.
(Chapter 5:27) “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” Looks like after I complete this blog, I will be one right eye and one right hand less of a human being. I don’t about the rest of the world, but I have a bunch of hormones pumping through my body and sometimes it’s awfully difficult for me to battle these hormones. If there are any drug companies out there that would like to tackle these hormones, I’m sure there is some good money to be made here. Lastly, can women not commit adultery? Well, unless you’re a lesbian looking at a woman lustfully. The odds of me getting into heaven are looking slimmer with each verse. Not born a woman, and not born a Jew.
(Chapter 5:31) “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Women have no say.
(Chapter 5:38) “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[h] 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” Man, getting into heaven is seriously going to cost me. It’s also going to cost the members of Seal Team 6. Good job on getting Bin Laden, but good luck getting into heaven. Let’s say I’m walking down a dark, isolated Minneapolis alley one night, and someone jumps me for my new high end cell phone. During the assault, this thief breaks my arm and shoots me in the leg (this is America; the thief most likely posses a gun). This passage tells me to pull myself up with one arm, onto one leg and tell the criminal, “Hey, my iPod Touch is in my other pocket and my wallet is in my back pocket. Oh, while you’re at it, can you break my other arm and shoot me in my other leg, please? But can you please wait until I sit down, because if I fall over when you shoot me in my other leg, and I land on my cheekbone and break it, you’re going to have to put in more work. Thanks dude.”
(Chapter 6:2) “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” I don’t even know how to play the trumpet, so I think I’m safe in that regard. Didn’t Matthew and Jesus tell us in the last chapter not to criticize our enemies? Yet they call the people in the synagogues “hypocrites.” Now I’m really confused because they are now breaking the laws set by them only a few verses ago, and they are making fun of the Jews, who have exclusive rights to every vacancy in heaven. And what is with that max capacity of heaven? May Day Stadium in North Korea, which has a max capacity of 150,000, can seat more people than heaven. Apparently this global economic depression has hit Yahweh’s wallet and has hit it hard. Kim Jong Il has more in his bank than the Yahweh.
(Chapter 6:16) “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” I’m not here to question the wisdom of Matthew and Jesus, but I’ve done research on well being and nutrition over this last year, and fasting is not a healthy lifestyle. Let’s pass on fasting.
(Chapter 6:22) “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” Finally, some good news! I have perfect vision, so I can say with confidence that my body is full of light. And why such hate for having more than one friend? I’m all for quality over quantity, but if you make two quality friends, isn’t that better than only having one?
(Chapter 6:25) “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Man, chapter 6 is so much better than chapter 5. Lately, I’ve been very concerned about life, and what I eat and drink, and about my body, and what I wear and look like. I suppose if we don’t need to worry about our bodies, we should try fasting. These are tough economic times, so if we can slash what we spend at the grocery store, that will equate to more money in our pockets. Wise, wise words from Matthew and Jesus yet again. They had the foresight to predict these tough economic times and were willing to share great money management tips. I’ve been revolutionizing the way I eat over the last year. A lot of people go on “diets” for a month and revert back to their normal diet, but I’m trying to make a permanent lifestyle change by changing the way I eat. It’s been tough because I’m not that great of a cook, although I’ve been learning. It’s a relief that I can stop my pursuit of searching for great tasting and healthy recipes, and just eat whatever I want. I cut out a majority of sugary drinks, but you better believe I’m buying a 24 pack of Mountain Dew this weekend. I’ve also been enhancing my wardrobe, because I’m hoping to land an interview soon. People have always told me you want to make a good first impression and go into the meeting looking sharp. Well, Matthew and Jesus make a great point about the flowers burning. Looks like I can stop spending money on fancy clothes. Yet again, another great money management tip. However, the line about flowers does generate a question. Does heaven not have any flowers? Yahweh plans on burning all plants? That’s kind of a bummer, but I’m sure there are better things in heaven. And lastly, I’ve realized PETA and PETA 2 hasn’t read The Bible. “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Jesus and Matthew suggest that we are more valuable than animals. So, I suggest to PETA and animal rights activists to conserve their energy and not get so riled up about the rights of animals. They aren’t even that valuable! All those people concerned about polar bears losing their habitats, and all those people concerned about Colony Collapse Disorder (CDC) need to chill out. It’ll take care of itself.
I will start by copying and pasting the New International Version (NIV) translation of the chapters, so if you are familiar with the chapters, or if you only care to read up on my thoughts, please move on to the bottom half of this blog. I will list the specific verses before I share my insight, so you can conveniently and quickly reference the verses.
Matthew 5
Introduction to the Sermon on the Mount
1 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2 and he began to teach them.
The Beatitudes
He said:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Salt and Light
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
The Fulfillment of the Law
17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18 For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19 Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.
Murder
21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.
Adultery
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
Divorce
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Oaths
33 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ 34 But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37 All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
Eye for Eye
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
Love for Enemies
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Matthew 6
Giving to the Needy
1 “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
2 “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Prayer
5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
9 “This, then, is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Fasting
16 “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Treasures in Heaven
19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,[c] your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are unhealthy,[d] your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
Do Not Worry
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Before I being my deconstruction of the two chapters, I will apologize for any formating issues that might have occurred when I copied and pasted. I went back and corrected any of the issues that I could see will skimming through.
From what I was taught, the words in Matthew are the direct words of Jesus, but written by Matthew. I don't know why Jesus couldn't have just written these words himself, but there seems to be a lot of middle men in The Bible. Maybe Jesus was a poor writer, perhaps he couldn’t afford any papyrus, maybe he was too lazy, or maybe he was too proud to write his own thoughts. Regardless, the words are Jesus', but only as Matty remembers them. Defining the source becomes a bit more difficult when you look up the Gospel of Matthew on Wikipedia (my go to source). Wikipedia states that, “The Gospel of Matthew does not name its author.” And no, I will not provide a footnote and link, because I’m lazy and I don’t want any more formatting issues. I think I post to 5 different blogs, so it might become a hassle. It’s on Wikipedia, it’s not that hard to look up. Continuing. If anyone has any more knowledge on the source of this book, please educate me.
(Chapter 5:13) “You are the salt of the earth.” That Jesus sure does have some great metaphors. I personally think that calling your troops “salt” isn’t the greatest term to motivate or unify them, but hey, I can’t even get my own mother or brother to follow my philosophies. Now, I’m not assaulting salt in anyway. Salt is great, and has historically been great. One day, while waiting in a hotel room for my friends to wake up from their drunken night in Busan, I quietly watched a Discovery Channel segment on the importance of salt. People back in the time of Jesus might have appreciated salt a lot more as it was a much more precious commodity during those days. We have an abundance of salt now, whereas it was harder to come by in those days, so I don’t think people will take the words, “You are the salt of the earth,” the same way the desert dwellers did in Jesus’ time. Sure, it’s important to keep a more direct translation of Jesus’ words, but this is the New International Version. Perhaps I should have gone with the Contemporary English Version (CEV) translation to see if there are any changes in language. If I ever master The Bible and I feel confident enough, I think I might pump out a few of my own translations. I want to make a criticism immune version and name it The Hip International Version (HIV), or an overly flamboyant version named The Famously Awesome Gloze (FAG). I think there is some money to be made in making The Bible into a hip book and appealing to a wider audience. It would get the children back into reading The Bible; a demographic many religious groups are highly concerned about. Anyways, the point is, if you’re going to be the New International Version, get with the times.
(Chapter 5:17) “For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.” Nice, a little friendly competition. I have to be louder than you, to take your spot in heaven. I criticized Jesus for being a poor motivational speaker above, but he quickly made up for that. Plus, Revelations chapter 1:1-7 makes it sound like only 144,000 people get into heaven anyways. “After this I saw four angels standing at the four corners of the earth, holding back the four winds of the earth to prevent any wind from blowing on the land or on the sea or on any tree. Then I saw another angel coming up from the east, having the seal of the living God. He called out in a loud voice to the four angels who had been given power to harm the land and the sea: “Do not harm the land or the sea or the trees until we put a seal on the foreheads of the servants of our God.” Then I heard the number of those who were sealed: 144,000 from all the tribes of Israel.
From the tribe of Judah 12,000 were sealed,
from the tribe of Reuben 12,000,
from the tribe of Gad 12,000,
from the tribe of Asher 12,000,
from the tribe of Naphtali 12,000,
from the tribe of Manasseh 12,000,
from the tribe of Simeon 12,000,
from the tribe of Levi 12,000,
from the tribe of Issachar 12,000,
from the tribe of Zebulun 12,000,
from the tribe of Joseph 12,000,
from the tribe of Benjamin 12,000.”
It sounds like heaven is a pretty exclusive club. After reading that, I thought about abandoning this blog and immediately getting to work so I could claim my spot in heaven. Then I realized all 140,000 vacancies are reserved for Jews. That’s very confusing because you can ethnically be a Jew, and you can religiously be a Jew. I can convert to Judaism to better my odds of getting into heaven, but I can’t choose to be born a Jew. I’ve been taught this Jesus is a pretty fair guy, so I’m going to have to assume that the seats of heaven must be reserved for people who practice Judaism. I was raised a Seventh Day Adventist, so I’m pretty damn close to being a Jew without actually being a Jew.
(Chapter 5:23) “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” Please, please, please, make sure you leave your gift at the altar before you go to your enemy to smoothen things over. We wouldn’t want you to come back empty handed and make an extra unnecessary trip across the desert a fourth time just to go back and get your offering. We’re just looking out for your best interest.
(Chapter 5:27) “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” Looks like after I complete this blog, I will be one right eye and one right hand less of a human being. I don’t about the rest of the world, but I have a bunch of hormones pumping through my body and sometimes it’s awfully difficult for me to battle these hormones. If there are any drug companies out there that would like to tackle these hormones, I’m sure there is some good money to be made here. Lastly, can women not commit adultery? Well, unless you’re a lesbian looking at a woman lustfully. The odds of me getting into heaven are looking slimmer with each verse. Not born a woman, and not born a Jew.
(Chapter 5:31) “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Women have no say.
(Chapter 5:38) “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[h] 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” Man, getting into heaven is seriously going to cost me. It’s also going to cost the members of Seal Team 6. Good job on getting Bin Laden, but good luck getting into heaven. Let’s say I’m walking down a dark, isolated Minneapolis alley one night, and someone jumps me for my new high end cell phone. During the assault, this thief breaks my arm and shoots me in the leg (this is America; the thief most likely posses a gun). This passage tells me to pull myself up with one arm, onto one leg and tell the criminal, “Hey, my iPod Touch is in my other pocket and my wallet is in my back pocket. Oh, while you’re at it, can you break my other arm and shoot me in my other leg, please? But can you please wait until I sit down, because if I fall over when you shoot me in my other leg, and I land on my cheekbone and break it, you’re going to have to put in more work. Thanks dude.”
(Chapter 6:2) “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” I don’t even know how to play the trumpet, so I think I’m safe in that regard. Didn’t Matthew and Jesus tell us in the last chapter not to criticize our enemies? Yet they call the people in the synagogues “hypocrites.” Now I’m really confused because they are now breaking the laws set by them only a few verses ago, and they are making fun of the Jews, who have exclusive rights to every vacancy in heaven. And what is with that max capacity of heaven? May Day Stadium in North Korea, which has a max capacity of 150,000, can seat more people than heaven. Apparently this global economic depression has hit Yahweh’s wallet and has hit it hard. Kim Jong Il has more in his bank than the Yahweh.
(Chapter 6:16) “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” I’m not here to question the wisdom of Matthew and Jesus, but I’ve done research on well being and nutrition over this last year, and fasting is not a healthy lifestyle. Let’s pass on fasting.
(Chapter 6:22) “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” Finally, some good news! I have perfect vision, so I can say with confidence that my body is full of light. And why such hate for having more than one friend? I’m all for quality over quantity, but if you make two quality friends, isn’t that better than only having one?
(Chapter 6:25) “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Man, chapter 6 is so much better than chapter 5. Lately, I’ve been very concerned about life, and what I eat and drink, and about my body, and what I wear and look like. I suppose if we don’t need to worry about our bodies, we should try fasting. These are tough economic times, so if we can slash what we spend at the grocery store, that will equate to more money in our pockets. Wise, wise words from Matthew and Jesus yet again. They had the foresight to predict these tough economic times and were willing to share great money management tips. I’ve been revolutionizing the way I eat over the last year. A lot of people go on “diets” for a month and revert back to their normal diet, but I’m trying to make a permanent lifestyle change by changing the way I eat. It’s been tough because I’m not that great of a cook, although I’ve been learning. It’s a relief that I can stop my pursuit of searching for great tasting and healthy recipes, and just eat whatever I want. I cut out a majority of sugary drinks, but you better believe I’m buying a 24 pack of Mountain Dew this weekend. I’ve also been enhancing my wardrobe, because I’m hoping to land an interview soon. People have always told me you want to make a good first impression and go into the meeting looking sharp. Well, Matthew and Jesus make a great point about the flowers burning. Looks like I can stop spending money on fancy clothes. Yet again, another great money management tip. However, the line about flowers does generate a question. Does heaven not have any flowers? Yahweh plans on burning all plants? That’s kind of a bummer, but I’m sure there are better things in heaven. And lastly, I’ve realized PETA and PETA 2 hasn’t read The Bible. “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Jesus and Matthew suggest that we are more valuable than animals. So, I suggest to PETA and animal rights activists to conserve their energy and not get so riled up about the rights of animals. They aren’t even that valuable! All those people concerned about polar bears losing their habitats, and all those people concerned about Colony Collapse Disorder (CDC) need to chill out. It’ll take care of itself.
Friday, June 3, 2011
So This Is An Identity Crisis
This is my first entry since returning to America. I’ve been meaning to write for a couple of weeks now, but writing always got pushed back for chores that needed more immediate attention. I just got back from gym where I didn’t go for my run tonight because I forgot to bring a spare shirt and I didn’t want to wear a drenched gray shirt on the way home. Because I didn’t go for my run, I came home and I had some spare time. I juggled the options of watching Real Time, playing Tetris, or writing with my unexpected time. I figured I had put off writing for far too long, and I told myself even if I don’t get all my thoughts into text within the next hour, at least I will have purged some of my thoughts. So, even if my thoughts here are incoherent, scattered, or just plain stupid, I owe it to myself to sit for the next hour and just talk to myself.
2010 was not an easy year for me. However, I think it might have been the best thing to happen to me. It took me a while to find myself, but when I did finally emerge from my metamorphosis, I found myself much more composed, confident, and able. I’m not exactly sure when I did break out of my cocoon, but I can guess that it was shortly after I arrived back home. I needed some time to settle in, analyze, and crystallize when I got home. Everything seemed to be stuck in a giant magnetic ball, and I needed to pull each hunk of metal and put it into its place. I had so much fun in Korea this time around, and I met so many people that I hope I can stay in touch with. I don’t see these relationships growing because of the distance and language barrier, but I appreciate meeting everyone I did. However much I’d like to be optimistic, my realist side speaks louder. I found that in the last couple of months, my senses of analyzing myself and the people around me have greatly heightened. I don’t just give my friends, family, and myself the benefit of that doubt anymore. Again, maybe it’s the realist in me that wants to kick and scream. When objectivity doesn’t get its Captain Crunch, it’s going to make a scene in aisle 6.
I’ve realized I haven’t done the best job of putting intelligent, articulate, and sincere people around me. When I was younger, I thought loyalty was the best thing I could offer anyone. I was willing to blindly go into battle for anyone I felt was close to me. It was always about putting someone else ahead of me. Someone asked me a long time ago, “If you knew your parents were wrong, would you still defend them?” At that time, that was an easy question, however, I can’t say I feel the same way anymore. I focused a lot on myself and developing myself via various avenues after my heartbreak. I was so depressed, I searched and searched for anything that would help me break the grasp that depression had on me. I focused on what made me feel better, what made me a better person, what made me a more productive member of society. I haven’t found an absolute answer as I am still in the middle of my escapade, but I have picked up bits and pieces along the way.
One thing I learned is that you need good people around you. You can take this journey alone and you will need a good crew to aid you. So I looked around and I didn’t see a lot of people. The lack of people didn’t bother me because I believe that quality conquers quantity. So I looked again, and I noticed that I had neither quantity nor quality. I noticed this more and more towards the end of my trip in Korea. One of my favorite ways to spend my time is over a meal with people having a great conversation. For me, nothing makes me forget about time like a good conversation with great story tellers. I noticed that I could spill out my thoughts just fine, but if there is not a comprehending audience, it’s hardly worth my breath. It really hit me hard when I couldn’t even explain the elementary terms “bad” and “sad” to one of my friends. I don’t think it was because of a lack of articulation on my part, because some of my other friends understood my stance. However, I wouldn’t completely discredit that reasoning either. It very well could have been my lack of communication. Call it arrogance; call it confidence, I still think it’s unlikely. This same friend still doesn’t understand that Europe is not a country. So I started stepping back during conversations with people to see what else I could see, to see what I might have been missing. I realized that when some of my friends talk, the only response I can generate inside my mind is, “what the fuck is this guy talking about?” It’s strange to think, and a bit horrifying, to think that it might be time to break away from these people you have spent so much time with. By “break” I don’t mean completely cut any sort of connection with that person, but that I don’t need to be around that person as often as I used to be, and that I don’t need to go to these people in times of crisis or when I have something I need to bounce off of them. If this were pre-2010, I don’t think I could have broken away, but I think because of what I went through and the independent development I focused so much on, I am able to do this comfortably and confidently. I’ve learned loyalty is much like pride. It can be used for good, but like with anything, too much will make you blind.
It is still a bit unsettling to look around and see that I am pretty much on my own island. That’s not to say I don’t have anyone I can trust. I actually had a very good dinner and conversation with two friends a couple weeks ago. They allowed me to get a lot of things off my mind and helped me refine and reshape my thoughts. I feel like I’m going through this identity crisis, where I need to figure out where I fit in. I’ve changed a lot, and the people around me have changed a lot. I’ve noticed that when I share my ideas with my peers, they usually shake their heads and smile in agreement, but really never move forward. It wouldn’t bother me one bit if they didn’t use my idea and moved forward, as long as they are moving forward. I’m not so naïve that I think I have all the answers or that I’m so progressive. It wouldn’t bother me if we all moved forward at different paces, but some people to me are just too complacent. So again, it comes around to this identity crisis and wanting to know where I fit in. I can’t be the only person like this. Where do I go to find other people like me? Who do I ask?
Another element I seem to be struggling with is my family. I’ve noticed I’m a lot different from all the members of my family, and that’s okay. You can choose your lover, you can choose your friends, so when I’m upset with my friends, I only have myself to blame. However, you can’t choose your family. You have to learn to live with them. As I mentioned above, I learned not to blindly defend my family. If they share some ignorant line like Sarah Palin is their writer, then that’s something they have to be responsible for. All I can hope is that the people who are listening to them don’t automatically attach me to my family member. I’ve learned that my family is not very good at communicating. They would much rather just assume that the other person knows what they are thinking and feeling, and then when they realize that the other person doesn’t know, they resort the yelling. I tried to remedy this issue by bringing up issues before it got to that boiling point in a calm and friendly tone. I wanted to be able to discuss before emotions rise and no productive discussion can be had. Just last week, I was told to be quiet on 3 the separate occasions because I was “being annoying” for bringing up issues I knew were present. A couple of times I was told that it wasn’t the right time. That response confused me because the topic had already come up, and I was just putting in my thoughts and thought it would be worthwhile to dig deeper into the subject. When I asked for a clarification, (again, in a polite tone) of why the conversation had to end only when I spoke, I was told because it wasn’t worth getting deeper into at the moment. I asked when would be an appropriate time, and I was told, “Later.” “Later,” most likely means when the issue is flooded over and is too late to prevent. I’ve realized it is so typical for people to lack foresight and completely skip on prevention. I don’t mean to make it sound like I have infinite foresight, but I do write foresight into my agenda. Not thinking about the next few steps makes me nervous. I need to know that my next step will be on solid ground. So I learned that I am not allowed to speak freely, or at least as freely as I want around my family. This paragraph is not an attack on my family or to say that I don’t respect them. They are my family and I know when I need them, they will be there. There is always a level of blind loyalty when it comes to family. I’ve just learned that my choices don’t match with the choices and ideas of my family members. I tried teaching my family how to recycle. We drink bottled water, and it hurt me to see all those plastic bottles going into the trash. My mother has been pretty good about recycling, and so has my brother. However, my father doesn’t believe in recycling and thinks it is inconvenient. I can’t see how the system I created for our home is inconvenient. I added an additional receptacle near the trash bin in our kitchen where most of the trash is collected. The two bins are about 4 feet apart. So, it isn’t inconvenient to him in terms of physical distance. Well, I guess it could be, but you have to be a real piece of shit person to let 4 feet stop you. Sometimes the recycling bin I added is even closer depending on which side of the room you are coming from. I assume it is mentally inconvenient for my father. Having to break out of a habit, and having to spend an additional 5 tenths of a second to determine of the object in his hand is recyclable or if he should dispose of it normally. A good thing that has finally come from years of discussion is I finally talked my mother into trading that lousy Chevy Suburban in for a more eco-friendly vehicle. She had the opportunity make a larger leap than she did with her Santé-Fe, but at least it’s an upgrade. What really confuses me on this issue is I had the foresight as a 7th grader. In 7th grade, a neighbor of mine drove a Geo Metro. One day while my friends and I were walking, someone pointed out how tiny that car was and another friend of mine informed us that although small, the car gets about 50 miles on a gallon of gasoline. It occurred to me that if the Metro is safe, reliable, and affordable, that it would make a great vehicle because at that time, there was nothing that could compete with 50 miles per gallon. Not only does that help the environment, it makes sense financially for the owner as well. If a 7th grader can understand this idea, I don’t understand how this philosophy doesn’t make sense to adults. Now I get that the Metro might have been inconvenient, loud, and plain un-sexy, but we really can’t make that excuse anymore with the hybrids that are out now. Sure, the aesthetics of these hybrid vehicles might not appeal to everyone. I certainly believe what is beautiful depends on the person. However, for the most part, these hybrids are slick and generally appealing. Although the number of these intelligent vehicles is growing, you still see new models of Suburbans on the road. These new model Suburbans and Tahoes comes with these Flexfuel labels that make the buyer feel like they are doing some good. I’ve been tracking this electrical car movement, and I know it doesn’t solve everything, but it is very exciting to follow.
So, I think I’ve fully entered phase one of an identity crisis. I don’t know if there are phases and levels to be achieved like a role-playing video game, but to benefit this blog, I’m going with it. It’s kind of a painful place to be in, but on the other side of the coin, it’s kind of a beautiful position to be in. I feel like I’ve been given a canvas and I am able to do with it what I feel. I do not want to paint the next picture of my life alone. I have been contacting new contacts, old professors, friends, and anyone who I can bounce ideas off of. The largest obstacle I’m having to hurdle right now is being able to craft my thoughts so I can express them in a way others can understand. The other person has to be able to understand my position, before they can help me out. I’m hoping that once I find a job, an opportunity, or a platform, I will be able to fill in these gaps and find out where I belong in this world. The goal is to leave this place in better shape for the next batch of thinkers and lovers. I do not want to be on the wrong side of history. Please help.
2010 was not an easy year for me. However, I think it might have been the best thing to happen to me. It took me a while to find myself, but when I did finally emerge from my metamorphosis, I found myself much more composed, confident, and able. I’m not exactly sure when I did break out of my cocoon, but I can guess that it was shortly after I arrived back home. I needed some time to settle in, analyze, and crystallize when I got home. Everything seemed to be stuck in a giant magnetic ball, and I needed to pull each hunk of metal and put it into its place. I had so much fun in Korea this time around, and I met so many people that I hope I can stay in touch with. I don’t see these relationships growing because of the distance and language barrier, but I appreciate meeting everyone I did. However much I’d like to be optimistic, my realist side speaks louder. I found that in the last couple of months, my senses of analyzing myself and the people around me have greatly heightened. I don’t just give my friends, family, and myself the benefit of that doubt anymore. Again, maybe it’s the realist in me that wants to kick and scream. When objectivity doesn’t get its Captain Crunch, it’s going to make a scene in aisle 6.
I’ve realized I haven’t done the best job of putting intelligent, articulate, and sincere people around me. When I was younger, I thought loyalty was the best thing I could offer anyone. I was willing to blindly go into battle for anyone I felt was close to me. It was always about putting someone else ahead of me. Someone asked me a long time ago, “If you knew your parents were wrong, would you still defend them?” At that time, that was an easy question, however, I can’t say I feel the same way anymore. I focused a lot on myself and developing myself via various avenues after my heartbreak. I was so depressed, I searched and searched for anything that would help me break the grasp that depression had on me. I focused on what made me feel better, what made me a better person, what made me a more productive member of society. I haven’t found an absolute answer as I am still in the middle of my escapade, but I have picked up bits and pieces along the way.
One thing I learned is that you need good people around you. You can take this journey alone and you will need a good crew to aid you. So I looked around and I didn’t see a lot of people. The lack of people didn’t bother me because I believe that quality conquers quantity. So I looked again, and I noticed that I had neither quantity nor quality. I noticed this more and more towards the end of my trip in Korea. One of my favorite ways to spend my time is over a meal with people having a great conversation. For me, nothing makes me forget about time like a good conversation with great story tellers. I noticed that I could spill out my thoughts just fine, but if there is not a comprehending audience, it’s hardly worth my breath. It really hit me hard when I couldn’t even explain the elementary terms “bad” and “sad” to one of my friends. I don’t think it was because of a lack of articulation on my part, because some of my other friends understood my stance. However, I wouldn’t completely discredit that reasoning either. It very well could have been my lack of communication. Call it arrogance; call it confidence, I still think it’s unlikely. This same friend still doesn’t understand that Europe is not a country. So I started stepping back during conversations with people to see what else I could see, to see what I might have been missing. I realized that when some of my friends talk, the only response I can generate inside my mind is, “what the fuck is this guy talking about?” It’s strange to think, and a bit horrifying, to think that it might be time to break away from these people you have spent so much time with. By “break” I don’t mean completely cut any sort of connection with that person, but that I don’t need to be around that person as often as I used to be, and that I don’t need to go to these people in times of crisis or when I have something I need to bounce off of them. If this were pre-2010, I don’t think I could have broken away, but I think because of what I went through and the independent development I focused so much on, I am able to do this comfortably and confidently. I’ve learned loyalty is much like pride. It can be used for good, but like with anything, too much will make you blind.
It is still a bit unsettling to look around and see that I am pretty much on my own island. That’s not to say I don’t have anyone I can trust. I actually had a very good dinner and conversation with two friends a couple weeks ago. They allowed me to get a lot of things off my mind and helped me refine and reshape my thoughts. I feel like I’m going through this identity crisis, where I need to figure out where I fit in. I’ve changed a lot, and the people around me have changed a lot. I’ve noticed that when I share my ideas with my peers, they usually shake their heads and smile in agreement, but really never move forward. It wouldn’t bother me one bit if they didn’t use my idea and moved forward, as long as they are moving forward. I’m not so naïve that I think I have all the answers or that I’m so progressive. It wouldn’t bother me if we all moved forward at different paces, but some people to me are just too complacent. So again, it comes around to this identity crisis and wanting to know where I fit in. I can’t be the only person like this. Where do I go to find other people like me? Who do I ask?
Another element I seem to be struggling with is my family. I’ve noticed I’m a lot different from all the members of my family, and that’s okay. You can choose your lover, you can choose your friends, so when I’m upset with my friends, I only have myself to blame. However, you can’t choose your family. You have to learn to live with them. As I mentioned above, I learned not to blindly defend my family. If they share some ignorant line like Sarah Palin is their writer, then that’s something they have to be responsible for. All I can hope is that the people who are listening to them don’t automatically attach me to my family member. I’ve learned that my family is not very good at communicating. They would much rather just assume that the other person knows what they are thinking and feeling, and then when they realize that the other person doesn’t know, they resort the yelling. I tried to remedy this issue by bringing up issues before it got to that boiling point in a calm and friendly tone. I wanted to be able to discuss before emotions rise and no productive discussion can be had. Just last week, I was told to be quiet on 3 the separate occasions because I was “being annoying” for bringing up issues I knew were present. A couple of times I was told that it wasn’t the right time. That response confused me because the topic had already come up, and I was just putting in my thoughts and thought it would be worthwhile to dig deeper into the subject. When I asked for a clarification, (again, in a polite tone) of why the conversation had to end only when I spoke, I was told because it wasn’t worth getting deeper into at the moment. I asked when would be an appropriate time, and I was told, “Later.” “Later,” most likely means when the issue is flooded over and is too late to prevent. I’ve realized it is so typical for people to lack foresight and completely skip on prevention. I don’t mean to make it sound like I have infinite foresight, but I do write foresight into my agenda. Not thinking about the next few steps makes me nervous. I need to know that my next step will be on solid ground. So I learned that I am not allowed to speak freely, or at least as freely as I want around my family. This paragraph is not an attack on my family or to say that I don’t respect them. They are my family and I know when I need them, they will be there. There is always a level of blind loyalty when it comes to family. I’ve just learned that my choices don’t match with the choices and ideas of my family members. I tried teaching my family how to recycle. We drink bottled water, and it hurt me to see all those plastic bottles going into the trash. My mother has been pretty good about recycling, and so has my brother. However, my father doesn’t believe in recycling and thinks it is inconvenient. I can’t see how the system I created for our home is inconvenient. I added an additional receptacle near the trash bin in our kitchen where most of the trash is collected. The two bins are about 4 feet apart. So, it isn’t inconvenient to him in terms of physical distance. Well, I guess it could be, but you have to be a real piece of shit person to let 4 feet stop you. Sometimes the recycling bin I added is even closer depending on which side of the room you are coming from. I assume it is mentally inconvenient for my father. Having to break out of a habit, and having to spend an additional 5 tenths of a second to determine of the object in his hand is recyclable or if he should dispose of it normally. A good thing that has finally come from years of discussion is I finally talked my mother into trading that lousy Chevy Suburban in for a more eco-friendly vehicle. She had the opportunity make a larger leap than she did with her Santé-Fe, but at least it’s an upgrade. What really confuses me on this issue is I had the foresight as a 7th grader. In 7th grade, a neighbor of mine drove a Geo Metro. One day while my friends and I were walking, someone pointed out how tiny that car was and another friend of mine informed us that although small, the car gets about 50 miles on a gallon of gasoline. It occurred to me that if the Metro is safe, reliable, and affordable, that it would make a great vehicle because at that time, there was nothing that could compete with 50 miles per gallon. Not only does that help the environment, it makes sense financially for the owner as well. If a 7th grader can understand this idea, I don’t understand how this philosophy doesn’t make sense to adults. Now I get that the Metro might have been inconvenient, loud, and plain un-sexy, but we really can’t make that excuse anymore with the hybrids that are out now. Sure, the aesthetics of these hybrid vehicles might not appeal to everyone. I certainly believe what is beautiful depends on the person. However, for the most part, these hybrids are slick and generally appealing. Although the number of these intelligent vehicles is growing, you still see new models of Suburbans on the road. These new model Suburbans and Tahoes comes with these Flexfuel labels that make the buyer feel like they are doing some good. I’ve been tracking this electrical car movement, and I know it doesn’t solve everything, but it is very exciting to follow.
So, I think I’ve fully entered phase one of an identity crisis. I don’t know if there are phases and levels to be achieved like a role-playing video game, but to benefit this blog, I’m going with it. It’s kind of a painful place to be in, but on the other side of the coin, it’s kind of a beautiful position to be in. I feel like I’ve been given a canvas and I am able to do with it what I feel. I do not want to paint the next picture of my life alone. I have been contacting new contacts, old professors, friends, and anyone who I can bounce ideas off of. The largest obstacle I’m having to hurdle right now is being able to craft my thoughts so I can express them in a way others can understand. The other person has to be able to understand my position, before they can help me out. I’m hoping that once I find a job, an opportunity, or a platform, I will be able to fill in these gaps and find out where I belong in this world. The goal is to leave this place in better shape for the next batch of thinkers and lovers. I do not want to be on the wrong side of history. Please help.
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