Busy busy times for me. I register for classes this coming Tuesday, however, I have a hold on my registration because I need to pick a major. That's why I am here again waiting to meet my adviser. I was initially going to go with a journalism major to get that hold off but when I called the journalism office they informed me that the journalism major has a special entry process which is closed until spring semester. Now I need to re-plan a go a different route so I can register on time. On top of that, I have two major papers due within 6 days and I need to work ahead of class schedules since I am taking a trip to Korea soon. Why don't I just work on it all this weekend? Oh yea, I might be going to Duluth. If I wasn't so fucking busy, going to Duluth would be a no brainier, but since I am so busy I need to weigh my options a little more. Stressful!
Duluth sounds like a grand time and it appears that a whole gang of people are headed up this weekend. I just wish I wasn't so busy. I really need to work ahead so my Korea trip can be as enjoyable as can be. I am really looking forward to this trip. I am also really confused about airport and international regulations since I've never been out of the country or on a plane since I was one. I'll just go with. I plan to document (via video camera) as much as I can and just try and soak up as much as I can.
This past weekend was really fun. Jon came down from Duluth and brought his neighbor Danielle with him. They arrived in The Hood around 6:30ish and stopped by my place first. We went over to Jon's place quickly to drop some stuff off and see his parents but then rolled to pick Dean up. We sat around Melrose for a little bit with the Celtics game on. Boston looks might impressive and KG looks revived. He almost looks younger (sometimes it's hard to tell since he is so black it all looks the same). After we got a little grub and went back to Jon's. We called Mitch and Andy over and popped in Eternal Sunshine. I think Dean, Andy and I were the only ones to see the movie before that sitting so it was a new experience for most of the people there. Eternal Sunshine is an experience everyone should get around to. I went home early to get some sleep since I had to wake up early for church and I didn't want to be drained for a big Saturday. Church went well, the youth group I lead got into a big discussion which was entertaining to be a part of. Later Jon and crew picked me up from Church and we rolled to Rochester from there. Danielle's cousin, Emily, was a part of a huge volleyball and we were all going to go cheer her on. We got just as they were starting and we got to watch the Owatanna girls high school volleyball team get their whoop on. After we went to go get some Chipotle which was delicious since I hadn't had Chipotle in quite some time. On the way to Emily's house, where we were invited to stay at, we received the invitation to join the volleyball team for a post-win celebration. We accepted the invite and met up with Emily. We didn't do much other than sit around and chat. I tried to get an autograph from my favorite Owatanna player but lacked a pen and a canvas. I was however honored with a dance lesson from the team. They taught me a team dance they perform after one of their players gets a spike. After the team party, we went over to Emily's and watched Donnie Darko. That movie honestly never gets old. You learn something new from it each time. When we finished Donnie Darko we went downstairs were we planned to sleep and just talked until we slowly fell asleep. We left early Sunday and got to The Hood around noon-ish. We all went home to clean up and met up so we could go see 30 Days of Night. We made a Best Buy detour so Jon could pick up a temporary phone since his Razor's screen shattered and he didn't want to pull out of his contract to get a new phone. 30 Days of Night was a entertaining movie, but my opinion should not sway anyone to watch it since I am a huge fan of horror movies. Especially ones where a group of humans work together to survive a mass of infected. These movies always get my imagination running. I thought it was well made. I thought they did blood really well and the movie flowed smoothly. I didn't like how they showed the vampires perspectives, I thought that took away from the movie. After the movie we got some grub and chilled at Jon's house until Jon took off back to Duluth. Overall one of the most enjoyable weekends since school started. It makes me worried that if I pass on Duluth, I will be missing out on a whole assortment of fun.
Since I got to see 30 Days of Night, the only fall movie left on my list is Saw4. I feel kind of naked and disappointed that I haven't seen Saw4 yet and disappointed cause I didn't see it opening night. It had become sort of a tradition. I guess there really wasn't much motivation since Jon wasn't there and the series seems to be going down hill. I'll probably end up waiting until it comes out on DVD. I need to get my hands on 28 Weeks Later and watch that joint over again cause I loved it.
I feel as though I need to apologize for my last blog. It was kind of harsh and maybe unfair. I am comfortable enough to talk to my Mom about anything and we talked about my apartment issue and I told her I vent by speaking with Dean and Jon and also by blogging. She told me that blogging and venting is good, but that if I am going to document my thoughts and leave it open for the public, that I need to watch what I am saying. She told me there is a difference between lying and being respectful. The line might be thin, but she is right when she says that. I guess I just felt like I had to tell the truth and nothing but the truth in my own words (And not sell-out haha). It is something I am going to have to balance better in the future because I am not trying to offend anyone with these bad boys. I just like honing my thoughts.
Before I moved into Melrose people always told me, "never move in with your best friends." I took the tip in, but I wanted to challenge it because I felt like my best friends were different from the average best friends. Well, 2.5 months into it, I got to say rooming with the right best friends rocks. I can only imagine how much better the experience would have been if Jon were a part of it. I can't think of a time where there has been a clash with Dean. It has been all jokes and when we aren't joking we are helping each other with school or other things. So, when people tell you never to room with your best friends, punch them on the nose and tell them they are wrong. Actually don't do that, because they are probably right. I think people like me and people like my friends are the minority. There aren't many genuine people around any more.
One more issue I want to bring up. I don't think I am going to think about this in depth until after my Korea trip, but I think I am going to bring it up. As of now, I think I have about $200 in my bank account which is not enough to pay next months rent. I just received a check for about $300 which puts me at $500 which is just enough to pay for my rent. But if you have been doing the math so far, this leaves me with a balance of $0 after I pay for November. How do I expect to pay for Dec, Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, May, June and July? I really have no clue. So I've been weighing my pros and cons trying to see what might be best for me. I am currently thinking about sub-leasing my contract and staying at home. The benefits would be that I save money that I don't really have. Less stress, because lets face it, rooming with E.H has been extremely stressful. Those two factors alone are enough. But there are cons to this as well. I would need to purchase a car with no money, but I don't think my parents would have a problem with helping me here. But the major thing that is holding me back is that I feel like I am bailing out on Dean. We went into this together and I have been having a blast rooming with him, but if I leave, I feel like I am abandoning him (sell-out?). I keep telling myself not to worry about Dean, that he can take care of him self and that in situations like this where I have no money and stress management is key, I have to look out for what is best for me. But I still can't help it, it is my nature to weigh all scenarios in. I'm kind of stuck in a shitty situation, but I don't think I am going to think to much about it nor will I come up with a decision until after my Korea trip.
Yay, I need to piss and then go see my adviser.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Thursday, November 1, 2007
You're Already Dead
Yay! Still an hour plus until my advisory meeting so I need to burn some time. A perfect time to blog in this computer lab like I did so much last year. I finished class about 45 minutes ago and I didn't feel like walking back home to only walk back an hour later for my meeting. The meeting should be interesting. I guess I really don't have something concrete to talk about, but rather I was going to ask my councilor what I should do with the rest of my collegiate career and then my life. Kind of a weird theme huh? But the fact is that I need to pick a major within 2 weeks and whether or not that major correlates to my life and career, it is still going to be an important decision I feel. Oh the chaos and confusion!
So the state of our apartment has been pretty fair as of late. Zak has really raised his understanding and has really tried hard to balance his living style with the style of others. His actions are much appreciated as far as I go. Dean has always been one of the more understanding and considerate people I've known so no worries there, duh. I hate to admit it, but the only hiccup now in our room is Mitch. How someone can be so naive, ignorant, arrogant, self-centered, inconsiderate and hot-tempered baffles me. It's hard to explain what he does, but if you are around him long enough you quickly catch on to his annoying habits. You don't have to live with him to pick these annoyances up. The thing is that it is impossible to talk to him about everything and anything because he just lies about all his insecurities and misdoings. I think he is so far into thinking that he is good at living and everything that he can't accept mistakes. If you confront him about something and he doesn't lie, he just gets angry. Along with this, his logic confuses me. I don't think I have blogged about the story of when he yelled at Zak, which I shall document now. I believe he needed to get up at 6 or something the next morning so he went to bed early. Well, Zak, Dean and myself got into a mild slap-happy mood in the living room so our volume was above normal. Well I walk into my room to brush up and get ready bed when I see Mitch storm by the door, single Zak out and yell, "Seriously, shut the fuck up. I have to get up at 6 A.M." The actions and words independently might not be seen to extreme, but let us consider a few things. One: He is generally, and by generally I mean always, the loudest person when I am trying to get to bed. Bed time for me is around midnight every night since I have morning classes this semester. His over exaggerated laughs and unnecessary excitement over Madden plays or what is going on TV always keeps me up (Even worse, haunts me haha). Two: He seems to put the volume of his laptop and volume of the TV in competition. For some reason he needs to watch YouTube at the same time as ESPN. When YouTube gets to loud, he just raises the volume for ESPN, but when his video is done buffering and ESPN is eclipsing his laptops volume, up goes the Youtube audio. Considerate? I think not. I would feel bad if I was the only one upset about his actions cause I know I can be picky at times. I never want to assume my way is the best way, so I had to make sure and ask my other roommates. The consensus of our room was his actions are not acceptable. I could write about this topic for megabytes and megabytes of server space, but I'll end it after a few more issues. With Mitch, nothing ever stays consistent. It could be that his memory is horrible and he just forgets that he has used something and where that item should be returned, but for some odd reason that item never returns clean or does it ever return. Also, he does this thing when he is done with milk cartons and cans. He rinses them and leaves them out on the kitchen counter-top. Now I am pretty American when it comes to living style, but I did grow up under a Korean roof and I am curious, is this a Caucasian habit? I don't want to make the mistake of a cultural difference. In my house, we usually clean up our mess and it is unacceptable to leave things out expecting other people to throw it away for you. That might just be my house though. I am beginning to think that he owns the refrigerator space as well. He just shoves other peoples items aside to access his and never moves them back. This might be a little picky, but I enjoy it when I am looking for food and it is aesthetically pleasing to look into the fridge. I don't want to think that I am eating mashed up pigs food. I will end with one more issue. A couple of weeks ago we made a "Room 125 Constitution." In this constitution we made a few major rules. One of them was that we would only eat our own food. I asked the room when we first moved in because I knew this was going to be an issue but they all agreed on community food. Now we all have to mark our items of food with a B, D, M, Z or C. Benny, Dean, Min, Zak or community. During the community era, which I knew wasn't going to work, I would probably put in about $30 of food a week with items like bread, water bottles and other much used items. Another major change we made was that everyone is responsible for their own dishes. You use it, you clean it. Pretty basic I think. For some reason this concept hasn't caught on as quickly as I had imagined. This past Monday, we made some amendments to make sure everyone does their part. Mitch admitted to not doing the dishes because he felt others were not doing their part. I once heard a quote that stated that two wrongs don't make a right...or I guess in this case, one wrong doesn't make a right. Because Zak and I confirmed that Dean was cleaning his dishes right after he used them, Zak only uses the food his Dad brings him which is in Tupperware and there wasn't ever any Tupperware, and I clean my isht everyday after class. We gave everyone a 24 hour rule so it was acceptable for me to wait until I got home from class. And I don't mean to be arrogant, but to put it bluntly, I am the standard right now when it comes to overall cleanness. On top of this, we saw items in the sink with Mitch's garbage in it. No one else in our apartment has eggs except for Mitch, so how did that egg covered frying pan, spatula and plate get into the sink? Maybe we have a 5th ghost roommate? Ya, that has to be it.
Along with the issues at the apartment, I've been kind of struggling with the discovery that people lie to me much more than I initially understood. I really thought if continued to be genuinely honest, that karma would work its magic. I always gave people the benefit of the doubt, but now I understand that when you give people that lenience they abuse it and when the do it for so long, it just becomes natural. Lies are so easily seen through. I firmly believe there is no such thing as a good lie when it comes from a liar. It is too obvious. The thing is, I am not one to call people out on their fuck ups so I will continue to get abused. If only people were strong enough to resist societies temptations and standards. Face it fuckers, you will never impress society and other fakes or "hipsters", you might as well start bonding with the people that matter. Don't sell out.
I guess this kind goes along with the liars idea, but I learned about a theory in my psychoanalysis class that really bothers me. In Sigmund Freud's studies of the human unconscious, pre-conscious and conscious, he states that all humans have an unconscious instinct to seek betrayal. That seems pretty ridiculous but how can we prove it right or wrong? I think it really dug into me because for the past 2 years I've struggled with this issue. It really wore me down last year and the only thing that kept me up was music (Good thing Senses Fail's "Still Searching" and Brand New's "The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me" came out when they did). I always asked myself, how does this horrible thing always happen to me? Haven't I always been loyal and caring? Then this theory exposed it self last week. Could it really have been that I have been setting my self up for epic heartbreaks? Consciously, I know I don't ever want to feel that way again. I guess what really eats at me is that if this really is an instinct and I really don't have any control over this, am I really living? I might as well just be a programmed robot that does my internal instincts will. I pride my self with strong logic and strong cognitive abilities but really maybe it's not even me doing these actions. I kind of think of it as my conscious in a vehicle that my unconscious is driving. I can think and see what is going on outside the window, but where the vehicle is going I have no control over. Kind of depresses me.
Almost time for my meeting so I will end on one last topic - the new Armor for Sleep album. Couldn't have come out at a better time. It is like artists and music knows when I need to talk about certain things and they always come out to help (haha, it could be that there is so much music our there, but always by my favorite artists?). It is almost as if Armor for Sleep wanted to talk about liars and betrayal with me. The CD has a theme of critiquing society and how it changes the way people act. "Smile For The Camera" the albums name is pretty self explanatory. I really love how Armor takes shots at hipsters (Listen of "Williamsburg"). There are a few parts in the CD that I don't really like, but overall it is something I really enjoy. The production might have been more fitting for the theme of "Dream to Make Believe" since it has a lot of echo and reverb effects along with chimes and bells but it works for this CD as well. Do your self a good deed and go listen to the whole album. And I don't give a shit what people say about emo music, I think it is fantastic. I really do feel like it is poetry, emotion, human thought, humanitarianism, therapy all in motion. If you can't except that people need to share their feelings, that is to bad for you.
So the state of our apartment has been pretty fair as of late. Zak has really raised his understanding and has really tried hard to balance his living style with the style of others. His actions are much appreciated as far as I go. Dean has always been one of the more understanding and considerate people I've known so no worries there, duh. I hate to admit it, but the only hiccup now in our room is Mitch. How someone can be so naive, ignorant, arrogant, self-centered, inconsiderate and hot-tempered baffles me. It's hard to explain what he does, but if you are around him long enough you quickly catch on to his annoying habits. You don't have to live with him to pick these annoyances up. The thing is that it is impossible to talk to him about everything and anything because he just lies about all his insecurities and misdoings. I think he is so far into thinking that he is good at living and everything that he can't accept mistakes. If you confront him about something and he doesn't lie, he just gets angry. Along with this, his logic confuses me. I don't think I have blogged about the story of when he yelled at Zak, which I shall document now. I believe he needed to get up at 6 or something the next morning so he went to bed early. Well, Zak, Dean and myself got into a mild slap-happy mood in the living room so our volume was above normal. Well I walk into my room to brush up and get ready bed when I see Mitch storm by the door, single Zak out and yell, "Seriously, shut the fuck up. I have to get up at 6 A.M." The actions and words independently might not be seen to extreme, but let us consider a few things. One: He is generally, and by generally I mean always, the loudest person when I am trying to get to bed. Bed time for me is around midnight every night since I have morning classes this semester. His over exaggerated laughs and unnecessary excitement over Madden plays or what is going on TV always keeps me up (Even worse, haunts me haha). Two: He seems to put the volume of his laptop and volume of the TV in competition. For some reason he needs to watch YouTube at the same time as ESPN. When YouTube gets to loud, he just raises the volume for ESPN, but when his video is done buffering and ESPN is eclipsing his laptops volume, up goes the Youtube audio. Considerate? I think not. I would feel bad if I was the only one upset about his actions cause I know I can be picky at times. I never want to assume my way is the best way, so I had to make sure and ask my other roommates. The consensus of our room was his actions are not acceptable. I could write about this topic for megabytes and megabytes of server space, but I'll end it after a few more issues. With Mitch, nothing ever stays consistent. It could be that his memory is horrible and he just forgets that he has used something and where that item should be returned, but for some odd reason that item never returns clean or does it ever return. Also, he does this thing when he is done with milk cartons and cans. He rinses them and leaves them out on the kitchen counter-top. Now I am pretty American when it comes to living style, but I did grow up under a Korean roof and I am curious, is this a Caucasian habit? I don't want to make the mistake of a cultural difference. In my house, we usually clean up our mess and it is unacceptable to leave things out expecting other people to throw it away for you. That might just be my house though. I am beginning to think that he owns the refrigerator space as well. He just shoves other peoples items aside to access his and never moves them back. This might be a little picky, but I enjoy it when I am looking for food and it is aesthetically pleasing to look into the fridge. I don't want to think that I am eating mashed up pigs food. I will end with one more issue. A couple of weeks ago we made a "Room 125 Constitution." In this constitution we made a few major rules. One of them was that we would only eat our own food. I asked the room when we first moved in because I knew this was going to be an issue but they all agreed on community food. Now we all have to mark our items of food with a B, D, M, Z or C. Benny, Dean, Min, Zak or community. During the community era, which I knew wasn't going to work, I would probably put in about $30 of food a week with items like bread, water bottles and other much used items. Another major change we made was that everyone is responsible for their own dishes. You use it, you clean it. Pretty basic I think. For some reason this concept hasn't caught on as quickly as I had imagined. This past Monday, we made some amendments to make sure everyone does their part. Mitch admitted to not doing the dishes because he felt others were not doing their part. I once heard a quote that stated that two wrongs don't make a right...or I guess in this case, one wrong doesn't make a right. Because Zak and I confirmed that Dean was cleaning his dishes right after he used them, Zak only uses the food his Dad brings him which is in Tupperware and there wasn't ever any Tupperware, and I clean my isht everyday after class. We gave everyone a 24 hour rule so it was acceptable for me to wait until I got home from class. And I don't mean to be arrogant, but to put it bluntly, I am the standard right now when it comes to overall cleanness. On top of this, we saw items in the sink with Mitch's garbage in it. No one else in our apartment has eggs except for Mitch, so how did that egg covered frying pan, spatula and plate get into the sink? Maybe we have a 5th ghost roommate? Ya, that has to be it.
Along with the issues at the apartment, I've been kind of struggling with the discovery that people lie to me much more than I initially understood. I really thought if continued to be genuinely honest, that karma would work its magic. I always gave people the benefit of the doubt, but now I understand that when you give people that lenience they abuse it and when the do it for so long, it just becomes natural. Lies are so easily seen through. I firmly believe there is no such thing as a good lie when it comes from a liar. It is too obvious. The thing is, I am not one to call people out on their fuck ups so I will continue to get abused. If only people were strong enough to resist societies temptations and standards. Face it fuckers, you will never impress society and other fakes or "hipsters", you might as well start bonding with the people that matter. Don't sell out.
I guess this kind goes along with the liars idea, but I learned about a theory in my psychoanalysis class that really bothers me. In Sigmund Freud's studies of the human unconscious, pre-conscious and conscious, he states that all humans have an unconscious instinct to seek betrayal. That seems pretty ridiculous but how can we prove it right or wrong? I think it really dug into me because for the past 2 years I've struggled with this issue. It really wore me down last year and the only thing that kept me up was music (Good thing Senses Fail's "Still Searching" and Brand New's "The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me" came out when they did). I always asked myself, how does this horrible thing always happen to me? Haven't I always been loyal and caring? Then this theory exposed it self last week. Could it really have been that I have been setting my self up for epic heartbreaks? Consciously, I know I don't ever want to feel that way again. I guess what really eats at me is that if this really is an instinct and I really don't have any control over this, am I really living? I might as well just be a programmed robot that does my internal instincts will. I pride my self with strong logic and strong cognitive abilities but really maybe it's not even me doing these actions. I kind of think of it as my conscious in a vehicle that my unconscious is driving. I can think and see what is going on outside the window, but where the vehicle is going I have no control over. Kind of depresses me.
Almost time for my meeting so I will end on one last topic - the new Armor for Sleep album. Couldn't have come out at a better time. It is like artists and music knows when I need to talk about certain things and they always come out to help (haha, it could be that there is so much music our there, but always by my favorite artists?). It is almost as if Armor for Sleep wanted to talk about liars and betrayal with me. The CD has a theme of critiquing society and how it changes the way people act. "Smile For The Camera" the albums name is pretty self explanatory. I really love how Armor takes shots at hipsters (Listen of "Williamsburg"). There are a few parts in the CD that I don't really like, but overall it is something I really enjoy. The production might have been more fitting for the theme of "Dream to Make Believe" since it has a lot of echo and reverb effects along with chimes and bells but it works for this CD as well. Do your self a good deed and go listen to the whole album. And I don't give a shit what people say about emo music, I think it is fantastic. I really do feel like it is poetry, emotion, human thought, humanitarianism, therapy all in motion. If you can't except that people need to share their feelings, that is to bad for you.
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