Is YHWH The Worst Engineer Ever?

It is cold outside, right? Like dangerously cold to the point where if you stood out there long enough without proper equipment you might die. First you would suffer incredible pain and your body would do everything it could do to, first, alert your consciousness of the issue and then take the appropriate measures to buy you time. You see, in Minnesota, at the time of this writing, it is negative 2 degrees Fahrenheit. Yesterday we saw a low of negative 10 degrees and today we will not even eclipse 0 degrees as our high will be a whole negative 1 degrees Fahrenheit. Which is kind of insane considering negative numbers only exist in theory. I'm no meteorologist so I am not here to blog about atmospheric chemistry and physics. I am here to ask a few questions. It was pounded into my head for 21 years that Yahweh created this pale blue dot we live on with us in mind. To me, that means he should be considered one of the worst engineers of all time, he is just plain stupid, or he actually created the planet without having us in mind (And he can be all three, a mixture, but he must be one). Why would he allow portions of this planet to become so immensely cold (and others so immensely hot) that warm blooded creatures could not survive in those areas? And why would he cover the surface of the planet with a substance that we cannot live on or in and is more suited for marine life? He also created us so that we would need to consume incredible amounts of sustenance which includes large amounts of water. Yet, although the planet is mostly covered in water, we cannot consume it because a lot of the water we are presented with would harm us. We could not survive living on a majority of this planet without great advances in science and technology, yet many of us claim that this rock in space that we so fortunately inhabit was created in a few days with us in mind. That would mean we are either unreasonable, immensely stupid, and/or gigantically arrogant (or again, a combination of). We can't all fit in San Francisco where I hear it is beautiful all year round. For some reason, Yahweh has designated that area of this planet to the homosexuals; a group he despises yet has given the best real estate to. A part of me resents being fed mis-information for 21 years, but I do appreciate seeing that side of it. My hope is that we can stop claiming that the Christian god created this pale blue, spinning, orbiting rock with his children in mind. It is so clear that isn't the case.

Piece of Shit // Fear // Liberation

I always seem to write only when I am in times of need. That’s pretty selfish of me, but writing, expression, and art only gives and never demands. I have been doing a lot of soul searching over the last 3 weeks or so. I seem to go through these cycles. Periods where I am very happy and I feel stable and completely comfortable with where I am. Then there are times where I don’t know what my next step is. Periods where I feel completely lost and I feel desperate for something to latch onto. I think I’m learning more and more lately that feeling that way isn't entirely strange and uncommon and knowing that does provide comfort, but only to a degree. Of course everyone wants to know what their future is going to look like and what their calling in life is, but that is not a luxury many of us are afforded. You explore, you keep your eyes open, you absorb, you learn, and you keep marching no matter how much life and the future sucks a nut. And I want to be clear, exploring and not having stable footing sucks a nut for the most part. However, how you feel also depends on how you approach life sucking a nut. I am going through a lot of changes in my professional life lately and it forced me to look around and reevaluate. I was super bummed out at first, but I woke up one day and I realized this is not a reason to cry and feel locked up, but rather an opportunity to feel liberated. I have so much more free time to experiment and get involved. Sure, as I mentioned above it is partially uncomfortable, horrifying, and frustrating, but that’s life and I have to roll with it. It’s a challenge not to be crippled by fear and to show some courage. I feel like I've been lacking courage lately. I’ve also been feeling like an outsider, which is fine since I have embraced not being “common” for quite some time. I got a new hair cut the other day that kind of symbolizes that I have more courage than I show and that I am okay with being an outcast. I’m hardly ever satisfied with new haircuts, but I think I like this one. I've also very much accepted that I am a large, steamy, stinky pile of shit and that’s one of the greatest admissions I could make at this point. It’s unshackled me from the chains that keep me occupying a small space. After you fully accept that you are a piece of shit, there is only moving up and out. No tall expectations to come tumbling down to disappoint you. I think some people would tell me that is an unhealthy and pessimistic view point, and I don’t think they are entirely wrong, but you don’t have to let being a piece of shit hinder you. You can embrace it and let it fuel you. No one wants to be a piece of shit forever, although it’s kind of fun because no one cares about you or the mistakes you are about to make. They expect you to fuck up. After all, you are a piece of shit! I've been talking to a lot of people and I've also come to accept that I can’t complete this journey successfully without the help of other people. No one ever “makes it” alone. There are a lot of people that help you along the way, a lot of accidents that need to come together, and a lot of luck needs to be involved. Even with those factors out of our control, there are many variables that are in our control. Like how much we are going to care about future projects, how much time and effort we are going to put into those projects, how hard we are going to work, how determined we are going to be, and so on. Maybe I’m completely off, but a large chunk of the battle is about how much you actually give a shit. I can say right now I give a shit. I give a shit about my life, my happiness, my well being, my future, and my career. I give a shit about the family, friends, and the people around me. I really do give a shit. Look, I have to protect and look after me, and sometimes that conflicts with being more generous and helping and loving, but I do give a shit. I want to live a happy life. More than live a long life, I just want to live one very fulfilling life. As an atheist, I think that’s all we get. One chance to make yourself happy, leave a mark on this world, progress it, and hopefully that’ll enhance the lives of the people to come after you. And that matters to me because I give a shit about other people. Their happiness matters. Their happiness is just as important as yours or mine. Because when someone is happy, they work harder, they give more of a shit, and they are more inclined to pass along those great qualities. I was chatting with a friend not too long ago and I was explaining my situation to him. He stopped me and said to me, “Well, you make it seem like your life is super shitty, but then why walk around with a fake smile and make an effort to help other people so much?” That’s because my shitty life shouldn't make the lives of other people shitty. So, in other words, love each other and help each other. Especially me, because right now I really need it. I feel so insanely unstable right now. I want some long term goals, some short term goals, and a “purpose”. I want to wake up driven and feel like if I weren’t a part of something, that machine would crumble. So yes, I need your help. With ideas, with inspiration, with guidance, and with opportunities. Anything! I want to be somebody someday, and I want the same for you.