Looks like I will have to wait for my first NBA championship, but I am sure come Tuesday I will finally be an NBA champ.
God, lately I have been so passionate about things and kind of emotional. It's like the old Min that was so much fun to be. Like right now, I have nothing to do since Leah is on the computer that I edit my videos on but I can't go to bed because I have to much anxiety from the Celtics game. I've been trying to play a lot more basketball lately and even when I'm playing I feel like I want to be the best and I am much more passionate than I have been. I've worked very hard to suppress my passion for things because sometimes I feel like I get to caught up in things and it offends other people. but lately just everything gets me jacked up. I feel like a female on her period. Maybe I've just found my old drive again. I remember when failure wasn't an option for me. Losing was a disgrace to myself and the people around me. I mean, I always have that philosophy, but I've been more forgiving these last few years. I'm kind of glad that I have a little more killer instinct. I think it's a good time for me to have it. Also, I am glad I played basketball with E-rob today. He is a lot of fun to play with since he does play with a little more emotion than my usual company. I hope to play with him more often. I just can't sit around and do nothing as of late. I need to be production, doing stuff, and competing. If that makes me a jackass, well, that's just who I am. I get made fun of sometimes for being to passionate when it comes to Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I say why not! Could this be the reason there isn't anyone that can take me down at that game? Yes, I know it's just a video game, but if I have this mentality for everything, isn't it good? What if I work hard at being the best son, brother, student, Brawl player, basketball player, whatever! Look, I know I am not playing basketball at a world class level...if I were I'd be playing in the NBA. I'm not stupid, I know I'm not that good. But I still don't see why I can't be passionate and try my best. No one is gifted with everything, so does that mean we shouldn't try at the things that we aren't that good at? This is some peoples philosophy, but it ain't mine. So yes, fuck everyone and kiss my ass. I am better than you. I've been saying that to myself a lot lately...not because I believe it completely, but sometimes I am way to modest and I sometimes get the short end because of it. I am trying to teach myself to be more cut throat. So yes, I will fuck you up. That is what I'm telling myself.
I've been getting some worries comments on my last blog. Let me try and clarify some things. Yes, the story is real. Yes, it's a little sensitive and J.W's quote isn't as direct as it could be. But you needed to be there, the context really pushes it over the top. Yes Jon and I talked about it a little. Jon told me he wouldn't be surprised if his grandpa was a racist. We both know he is a little old, he grew up in a difference culture. No, I am not looking to get FPI into trouble. Why the hell would I do that? People still must not know me. I am unconditionally loyal and loving. I hold family above everything and I try to do the same with friends (even though sometimes I feel like I am the only one giving in that department). Sometimes I say some real shit and it catches people off balance. This is probably why people tell so many white lies. Cause people now'a days just can't handle real shit any more. I'm a complicated person, I am real, but I love to joke. I am really strict about stuff, but I am totally passive. I'm kind of a paradox. I always try to be humble, but I know I need to be confident and a lot of times I tell myself I am better than others. You just kind of have to learn me. Sometimes I feel totally alone. Sometimes I feel like I'm too complicated for anyone to understand. Maybe I'm just too inconsistent. Too crazy, too stupid. Maybe too organized, too smart.
I like the things in life that can't be seen or measured. Only sensed. I think I have a greater sense on these things. It's hard to explain since I can't quantify it and that's how people base things. On facts, evidence, and numbers. I think there is more out there than that. I often ask people can you just see, or can you just feel, and they think I am way off. This is when I feel alone sometimes. I can look into someones eyes and sense things others can't. The other day we met a group of guys at the basketball courts and I was a captain and I needed to draft a team. I didn't draft on raw talent or what people said. I drafted on what I felt, their personalities and things that couldn't be measured. My team would go on to win more games than the other.
I'm being way to cocky tonight. Someone slap some sense into me. Actually no, I'd probably get mad.
