Zombie Dream Chapter 11

Dawson and I watched the new tonight and it was fairly entertaining. They had this survival tip segment which was pretty funny. The best tip they had was to shoot the creatures in the head because that kills them to quickest. Duh! That kills anything the quickest. They also released some info from the medical tests. They say that the bites are changing humans into the creatures. Most of the people in our group never had the chance to transform. When they died they got ripped apart. They also informed us that these things can actually starve to death. They say these things can last up to 2 months without any food and just a single drop of human blood is enough to buy them another two months. Something medical mumbo jumbo about their cells being able to spread nutrients evenly through out their whole body. They also had some footage from Russia and news that their infected are slightly different from ours. They looked different. Almost bigger and more aggressive. They say that the U.N is estimating that a quarter of the Earths population is gone. So all we have to do is wait this damn thing out? How long can we hold our breaths underwater?


The temporary housing where our builders are going to stay is about a hour and a half away from our hotel. This is our first time here and we brought a bunch of teams to secure the area. Tom is to lead a squad and I will organize another. The area is kind of off on its own but there is a town near by and we don't want to take any chances. Its kind of like a Cabin setting and there a bunch of little houses in the middle of a little forest. I watch Tom enter one side of the building and I work my way around to the other side. I hear a bunch of shots going off inside and the bangs echo between the trees. The noise attracts some monsters roaming around and I can see some running over to where we are. I yell for a couple of teams to defend the people in the cars and my team runs over to help them. They are coming from all sides of the forest and I radio to Tom that we might need back up but he doesn't respond and I hear more shots inside the houses. We do a good job fighting off the roamers. Jon is hovering around the cars and if any of the roamers manage to filter through our perimeter Jon annihilates them with one swift shot. I'm running around every where trying to help who ever I can and trying to direct who ever I can. Each creature drops so easily with a simple clean shot to the middle of their face. Everything is slow and their deaths are so elegant. A panicky level 3 fighter runs into me and knocks me over right as I'm about to shoot a roamer. I look around for my gun but when I see it the roamer is closing in on me to quickly and I get ready to fight it when a car storms in a hits the creature. Dawson sticks his head out of the Jeep and asks if I'm alright and I tell him yea and the tosses me another rifle. I pick the panicky guy up by his shoulders and I toss him into Dawson's jeep. Dawson is holding the roamers off with a pistol and Mitch is in the back with a rifle spraying at the trees and when I knock on the Jeeps hood Dawson takes off. Tom runs out after a while and helps us finish off the roamers. After we secure the area and get everything cleaned up we let the builders move in. I let the builders know that we will always have a bunch of teams on patrol inside and outside and that they have nothing to worry about hoping my words will calm them.

We're at this huge warehouse where we need to pick a bunch of crap up for our building. I don't even know what the things look like so I'm just here to defend. It is going to be tough because some of the things are big and heavy and we need to carry them out but we have everything planned out and it should work out fine. We have a bunch of teams with us again. We all line up at the huge warehouse doors and I give everyone a second to gather themselves. I look back and Tom gives me a nod so I crack the door open and right away people start to pour in. We sneak quietly and we grab a bunch of little things first. We find the heavy equipment and the team that was assigned to carry it moves in. We all make our way back to the front door when something gets knocked over. It sounds like a long pipe and it hits the cement floor and chaos breaks out. We form a perimeter around the carrying team and shoot down anything that gets close. We move at the carrying teams pace but they are moving as fast as they can so no problem. There aren't as many creatures compared to the temporary housing location but we are still careful. We get out the door and the cars all drive up and we quickly load them and drive off.


We are at the temporary house talking some things over and we plan to go visit the site where we are going to build our dream fort. We talk to long and it gets late but we have to search and secure the site tonight because we plan on starting tomorrow. We take more people then we originally planed because we will be traveling at night. No one has ever fought during night because I never deploy people when the sun is down. We all double check our equipment since we need to be more careful this time around. We don't have enough flash lights for everyone but it should be okay. We are also bringing more cars then we planed so we can use the headlights to our advantage. We all hop in our assigned vehicles and take off. The trip seems like its forever. We get there and the place is super creepy. The moon is bright and everything has a light blue glow to it and it kind of looks like there are patches of fog. There are to many trees in the way so we have to walk down to the location. We form our teams and we make our way down the first hill. There are a bunch of people and it looks like we are a search and rescue team. It takes us about 15 minutes to get to the site and it takes us longer since we were super careful. The site is perfect for our building. After a couple minutes of care examination and debating we group up to walk back up the hill. As we are getting into formation we hear a bunch of car horns going off like someone had triggered our car alarms. Everyone remains calm but we all take a defensive position. There is a lot of noise and it sounds like things are moving around in the trees but it could just be the wind. I hear a loud "FUCK!" behind me and a bunch of shots go off. I command everyone to start making their way up the hill as quickly and defensively as they can. We take a couple of steps up the hill when a wave of monsters with their glowing red eyes rush toward us down the hill. It hits me that they are the ones that set off the car alarms. Everyone begins to shoot and I start running around looking for any soft spots in our defense I can help out with. We clear the first wave of monsters coming down the hill and we begin to make some more progress but the hill is harder to go up and a lot of us are slipping. I try to stay back as long as I can and help the people at the bottom. The hill is making it hard for our group to stick together. Some people are progressing faster than others so there are a bunch of thin patches of people on different levels of the hill. I start back peddling up the hill trying to help the people at the bottom when a body rolling down hits me and takes me down with it. My bad shoulder hits a tree but it clings and stops my fall. Tom sees me and runs over to my aid and helps me up. I see Jon and Dean running up the hill on my right and I yell for them and they see me and Tom but I wave for them to keep running up. They stall for as long as they can shooting monsters at the bottom and the small waves coming from the top. Jon and Dean then step to run up the hill when a patch of the hill gives out and they stumble down past me and Tom. Tom and I run over and pick them up. I see the architecture about 20 feet away from me down the hill and I sprint over to grab him. He is in shock and can barely move so I start pushing him up the hill. I tell Tom to take him up to the cars but Tom refuses and tells me that he wants to help down here. I hand him over to Jon and Dean and I tell them to protect him and take him to the cars and they take off. Tom sees a member from his team and he hops down the hill to help him. I stand above Tom and his friend and I give them cover fire. Tom helps his friend up and we turn sprint up the hill when I hear my name from below. Its Jim and his leg is stuck in some mud or between logs or something and I rush down to help him. I run to fast and I trip and I'm sliding head first down the hill. Jim grabs me and slows down my momentum and I stop a few feet down the hill from him. I start tossing a bunch of things off his leg and he manages to pull his leg out. I hear Tom yelling for us to hurry so I push Jim up the hill and I take a look back to see if any more people are down at the bottom. I see a bunch of bodies mostly dead monsters. While I'm scanning I see the biggest wave of monsters emerge from the trees and now we all run as fast as we can. I stay behind Jim to catch him when he looses his footing. Tom and his friend are to fast for Jim to keep up with so they stop once in a while and give Jim and me cover fire when they can. Jim looses his footing really bad and I catch him but his other foot comes back and kicks me in my chest and it sends back flying back. I roll down the hill for a while but a tree stops me and knocks the wind out of me. I try to collect my self but I can't stand with the air knocked out and I start crawling up the hill. I see Tom's friend grab Jim and make their way up and I see Tom sprinting towards me. I try to wave him off but my strength is so low and can barely wave my arms. I feel like puking and I am to scared to look back and see how close the wave from hell is. Tom skids down and stops in front of me and is shooting whatever he can and when he finds a second he helps me up. I yell for him to just go but he refuses and tosses my arm around his shoulder. He is trying his best to walk up the hill while carrying me while shooting at the wave of monsters. I look up the hill and I see a bunch of lights moving down. My vision must have been knocked loose a little to because they look kind of blurry. I hear Jon and Mitch yelling and then I make out the other three running with them are Dick, Dean and Dawson. Tom sets me down to hold off the wave and waits for the others to get down. The others skid down and begin to fire and now I've gotten some strength back and I stand and join them. I tell everyone that I'm okay to run even though I don't know if I can keep up with them and we start moving up. I am more banged up then I had thought and it is hard for me to keep up. I slip but I manage to land my knees and Tom runs down to help me but can't stop in time and slips past me and stops a few feet in front of a small patch of creatures. He fights most of them off but one manages to jump on and I see him using the end of his rifle to bash the monsters head. I slide down to help him and everyone else turns around and gives us cover. I pick him up and we run catch up to the others and when we get to the top of the hill the cars are running and ready to go. We hop jump in and we drive off as fast as we can back to the hotel.

We get back to the hotel and everyone is waiting for us to arrive. Its always the same scene when we lose a battle. Families run to each other and hug the survivors and when families are informed their loved one didn't make it they collapse. I find my family in the same spot where they always wait for me in the back. I tell them what happened and that Tom saved my life. After I go back to help Dean, Jon and Tom's team clean stuff up and then I run up to our room to take a shower. After I finish showering I sit and I tend to my wounds when I hear a knock on the door. I yell for the person to come in and Tom walks in. I smile and I tell him thanks over and over and that I would never had made it out with out him. He doesn't smile or anything and it worries me. He takes a seat and stares at the ground before he says anything. Then he lets me know that he was bit and shows me the wound. My whole soul drops and I try to think of something that will cure him. I feel my insides crying but outside I just wait for Tom to think of something that will save his life. He then says that someone needs to kill him before he transforms and I tell him that there has to be a different way even though I know he is right. I feel like shit because I know if it wasn't for me he wouldn't have gotten bit. Tom tells me that he wants me to "cure" him and I tell him that I couldn't do something like that. We both walk out to let some of the others know and Tom finally talks someone into doing it. We all say our last goodbyes and I watch Tom walk off. I feel like I owe him everything and I owe his family everything. I promise myself not to waste another day and that I will live both our lives out and that one day our loved ones will find peace because of the work he put in. That I will not waste any time with trying to make me happy until everyone else is safe and happy. I stare and watch him walk off until he turns the corner and I can't see him anymore. I walk back to my room and I sit there for the rest of the night and I do nothing.


The dream house is coming along nicely. The workers are putting in a lot of work and I really appreciate their dedication. I come out a lot and watch people build and help them when ever I can or else I sit around and patrol. Jon and Dean came out today and they are cracking a lot of jokes but ever since Tom died it has been hard to laugh. I don't sleep or eat much. I wake up and go strait to work and I work until I sleep. I only eat and sleep enough to get by. I'm pretty isolated and the only people I talk to are the builders and Jon and Dean, sometimes Dick. When ever I need to share a message I usually ask Jon to tell everyone because it is difficult for me to talk to people now. Jon and Dean seem to be slightly worried about my health but I tell them I am okay. A bunch of news vans pull up and I wonder how the hell they found out about this place. Reporters run around and ask for a representative and people direct them toward me and I tell them I don't have time and that Jon and Dawson will answer their questions. Dawson does a good job bull shitting his way through the interviews and busts out a bunch of quotes people used when we watched the news. Still a couple of reporters try to get me to say something and I answer a couple of questions honestly to get rid of them. When we get home I hop in the shower and then I as soon as I jump into my bed I fall asleep and I dream that all this is over. I see myself in my backyard playing in the bright green grass with my kids while we wait for Dean and Jon to come over with their families.

Zombie Dream Chapter 10

Its brutal out in the cities now and it feels like we lose people on every mission now. I slipped and fell on my shoulder again the other day and I don't think its ever going to heal. Although we are losing a lot of people, I have been recruiting a lot of new families too. Families I feel will benefit our group. All the families I've brought in have young males that we can use in our missions and I feel like I'm using them but I tell myself its better for the both of us. Other people have stopped inviting families because I think they are beginning to understand and appreciate my judgment. It seems like all the families that have been killed are families I didn't invite. I think Connie now understands why I asked her to stop inviting people. I can kind of sense things with my intuition. I've been trying to interact more with families I don't know so I can build stronger relationships with all of them, but I've been bringing a lot of people in lately and its been tough. The other day when we went into town, there was this military camp that was giving out food. Looks like the military is finally ready to help out a little. Dawson and I watched the news tonight and they said the medical tests are going well and that they should be able to release some info soon. I tell Dawson to grab me every time he watches the news so I can watch it with him because I don't want to miss out on this important info. The survival segment tonight was funny like usual.


The new people I brought in have really been clicking. All the parents have been really kind to each other and they all look out after each other. The kids enjoy playing together and keep each other busy. Most importantly all the guys that have volunteered to go on missions have really been clicking. Everyone is very disciplined and our missions are in and out and we are losing less people. Actually, our last mission had zero deaths. Dick has come with us on a couple of missions and he has been very helpful. He asks to go out on more with me and the guys but I tell him that we need people protecting the hotel. Just an excuse to keep him here. Non of our Dads go on missions any more either and thats a good feeling. Slowly I've kind of been elected to be the leader of everyone here. It makes me feel good that people trust me now but I think it might be to much pressure to watch over 130 people or so. Slowly with new Jim's help I've been learning how to organize things. People are really good at not treating me like a leader figure and are not putting to much pressure on me. I don't see my family much any more. I actually don't see anyone much anymore. When ever I do have some spare time I dedicate it all to my family. The people I see most are Jon, Dean and new Jim and sometimes Mitch and Dawson. I check up on the mission groups a lot too. I spend most of my days now working out, collecting info, training people and meeting with missions groups, seeing how people are doing, crunching numbers with Dean (supplies and things), talking things over with Dean and Jon, then maybe spending some time with my family when I got time to spare. The days pass way to quickly. And my shoulder is still fucked up. I came up with this idea to group our little military into classes. I group people depending a lot of things like discipline, physical ability, weapon use, etc. Again I use my intuition to place people into their groups and the people have been really understanding. I clump people into 5 levels, 1 through 5. Level 1 being the highest ability level and the group that gets the toughest missions and level 5 people the lowest group. A team consists of 4 people and I randomly formed teams but I moved some names around because I wanted the groups to have good chemistry. Right now there is only two level 1 teams. Jon, Dean and I make up one team and the other level 1 group is lead by a guy named Tom and has 3 of his buddies. Tom has been with us for a little while but when ever we went out on missions he has definitely shown his ability. He is very quick and disciplined and sometimes I think he should lead everyone so I can go back to my normal life but he tells me he couldn't handle it. Our groups have a really good relationship and Tom and I look after each other often. His group worked with my group a couple of times but after this grouping system was created I don't deploy our teams together. Waste of resources. A lot of people ask me why my team only has 3 people and not 4 and I still don't have a good answer why. Sometimes I tell people that I'm saving that spot for rising star and sometimes I use Dicks name. Dick has been put into a level 4 team with 3 other people that I don't know but he gets along with them well. Dawson and Mitch some how got placed in the same team in level 3. Mitch keeps telling me that he and Dawson don't have good chemistry and that my judgment is wrong about this one. Mitch gives me a lot of shit for placing him into a level 3 team and often asks for a promotion but usually I'm able to dodge him with Jon and Dawson's help. Level 5 is our biggest group but mostly consists of our fathers and they don't get deployed but they are asked to defend our home when we are out.

I had this dream the other night and it felt so real. It was a dream about us in the future and we had built our own place in an isolated area with a very strong defense. I brought it up with everyone and they all seemed interested and someone asked me if I thought it might be a good idea to try something like that. I kind of think that its to radical of an idea and that it might be to risky, but I told everyone that we can all think about it and that we should ask more people about it. Dawson and Mitch have been hanging out with these girls a lot lately and when we have a special "The Hood Killers" dinner we asked them about the ladies. Sounds like Dawson and Mitch found them selves some girlfriends. I ask Dawson where he met this special lady and he says, "in this fucking hotel, duh." I was going to ask Mitch the same question but after Dawson's response I felt that my question was unnecessary. Jon tells us that there is this really hot chick but that he hasn't been able to talk to her yet. Dawson and Mitch ask more about Jon's crush and after they figure out who Jon is talking about they tell Jon that they will hook them up. They table turns to Dean and Mitch asks him if he has a love interest and he informs us that he doesn't. Dean busts out a couple of 40 Year Old Virgin jokes then Mitch asks me if I found anyone yet. I laugh and I tell him, "are you kidding? I'm to fucking busy dude." Dawson comes in and goes, "Ya! He is a big shot now, he doesn't have time!" Mitch then asks me about Amanda and I tell him I haven't talked to her in a couple of weeks. I correct myself and I tell him that I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks then I ask him how she is. "Ya, she is still hot and very lonely," then Mitch nudges elbows with Dawson since he isn't sitting next to me. "But seriously, you should have made a move after Jamie got killed," Mitch states. I tell him that it wouldn't have worked out and I tell him that if things don't work out with his girlfriend now that he should hook up with Amanda. Mitch quickly snaps and tells me not to jinx things.



Things have slowed down a lot and I have a lot more spare time on my hands but I don't use it very wisely. Just more working out and planning stuff. Sometimes we get really bored so the two level 1 groups go out to areas where people might be and help them out. The news gives us some really good spots where people might be trapped. Sometimes I find some good people and I bring them back with us but we mostly go out to kill some creatures and to entertain ourselves. We don't do this often and it really is a very unnecessary risk. And I feel like I'm setting a bad example and my Mom really hates it. This one time Jon shot the legs off of one with his new shotgun and and smashed its head in with the end of his gun then got mad at him self for getting blood on his shotgun. Dean once killed like 10 of them at once with a well placed grenade. I don't really have any cool stories. I'm all business and I just go for the head and then I set my sights on the next one. Tom fights the same way I do and his guys are probably more disciplined then my guys. Jon finally hooked up with that really cute blond girl he told us about and it wasn't because of Mitch and Dawson. I told her that I needed to meet with her to talk some things over but basically I tricked her to run into Jon. I try not to abuse my power but I figure just this once for Jon. After being around her a couple of times I kind of don't like her. She seems very high maintenance and she is kind of a bitch but as long as Jon is into her I won't say anything. It just seems like she is into Jon because he is a level 1 fighter and she likes the fame but she show flashes of kindness once in a while. Mitch broke up with his girl friend the other day but he isn't taking it to rough. They had a rocky relationship so it was about time the ended it. Dawson is still with his girl friend and they seem to really like each other. I think Dean is hiding it but it seems like he has been talking to someone himself.

Jim calls me over to talk about something so I rush over to his room. As I'm about to walk in Amanda walks out but we don't say hi to each other. I ask Jim what he wanted to talk about he asks me what I thought about that dream I had. I tell him that it was just a dream but that it felt very real. Jim informs me that he has been talking to a bunch of people and that people like the idea and that maybe we should think about doing something like it. I tell him that I think its to risky and that something like that would take a lot of resources and time. He agrees but tells me that life is always going to be dangerous now and that we have plenty of time. He brings up the point that if building this place means that we have a safe place for the future that we should do it. I think about it and I tell him that he is probably right and that we should talk it over with everyone else. He jumps back in and tells me that he has been talking about it a lot with people and that everyone feels like its a good investment. I tell him that I'm glad everyone agrees but that we don't have the materials and the skills to build something like that. He must have planned this thing out pretty well because he then lets me know that some of the people I brought in have very handy skills. We have some technicians and we even have an architecture. I tell him that if everyone agrees to it, we should try it. He thanks me and I thank him and then I walk out. On my way out I cross paths with Amanda again and I open my mouth to say hi but she sneaks inside her room to fast and I hear the door slam. I walk over to Tom's room first since it is closest and I talk things over with him and he tells me that I'm the leader and what ever I choose he will follow. I get kind of embarrassed when ever people say that kind of stuff to me and I tell him not to talk like that. I tell him we should act like friends and for him not to treat me like a military superior. He agrees to it and relaxes a little. He cracks open a beer and offers me one but I decline. I tell him that he should try to cut alcohol from his diet. I don't even support my request and he agrees to it. I tell him I'll get back to him when I know more. I walk over to Jon's room next. I walk in and I find him and Krista watching a movie and I tell him I'll come back later. He waves me in and tells me that they are barely watching the movie and that we should talk now. I have a seat and I present my idea and he tells me that it would be cool. Krista really likes the idea and asks me if she can design her and Jon's room and I tell her of course. I walk next door to Dean's room to talk things over and he tells me he likes the idea.

We have a huge meeting about the plan and it sounds like we are going to try it out as soon as we can. Jim pulls out a map and points out a couple of suitable spots. We all vote on a spot that is off on its own but not to far from the cities so we can drive in a get stuff when we need to. The plan is to start collecting things we need to build the place as soon as tomorrow and after we get everything we start. We also found a temporary place to stay for the builders that is be closer to the site. I hate the idea that we will have 3 locations to defend but this is just the way its got to be. We have enough people to defend all 3 sports now so I think it'll be okay. I meet with the architecture and the other people who are actually going to put this thing together and we plan everything out. They had a bunch of great ideas that would give us the strongest defense and the most comfort. I tell them not to be shy and that if they need anything, to just tell me.

Alex Lawrence

I'm using a mac to write this blog and I can't front, this computer is fucking tight! I think I need to learn how to use macs cause this is sick. But, I hear vista makes PCs a lot like the macs, so I guess I won't have to switch. Tee hee!

Here are some sweet comments people have left me on my blogs.
"I think the core of a any relationship is friendship. It's undoubtable that there will be times where one feels angry at their wife or husband and won't feel much romance towards him/her, but a strong friendship bond will keep them together."

Actually this is not the one I was looking for but I will just keep it up anywho, tee hee!

"Sounds like you try to help others and I wish more people would do that. But don't lose sight of yourself...

Recently I got really angry and irritated at a close friend. I closed him off and, I'll admit, I acted like a jerk. Last night I was thinking, is it really worth it to waste even a minute of my life being angry at this one guy? I wrote him an apology, and, thankfully, he forgave me. But I'll never forget the guilt I felt.

Maybe you've already seen this, but here's a video about Shaolin Kung Fu. It's like using energy to become stronger and immune to attacks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_WZcQoSJxc"

This is the comment I was looking for. I like the story about getting mad at friends. I've never felt guilty for getting mad at a friend and I've never felt like I did anything wrong when a friendship went to shit. Well, except for one friendship I lost with a friend named Ayabe. We were young and I moved away so it was almost out of our control, but I could have tried harder to stay in touch with him. But all my recent friendships that ended, I feel like I did nothing wrong. My loyalty and love was always there. But after reading the comment, maybe thats my problem. I don't feel any guilt. And I never saw that video but it was friggin amazing! I wonder if that stuff is for real. And if it isn't for real, why would those monks live a lie? Or is this a case of Jim Cunningham striking?

Last week was my friend Dean's golden birthday. Last weekend, we didn't do anything special. Maybe this is why friends leave me. Maybe I should feel guilty when friends leave me, maybe it really is my fault. Material possessions don't mean much to me, but that doesn't mean they don't mean much to everyone. I guess some people really to measure presents with love. I usually use time, love and care to measure how much someone loves me, but not everyone is me. I feel really bad that we didn't go out and do things. I feel bad that I don't like to go out and get drunk and smoke weed because thats what people do to celebrate. Instead, we played basketball and watched Donnie Darko. Maybe I should have bought him a present. After my heart was broken a couple of times, I told myself I wouldn't buy anyone presents except for my family members because friends don't stay in your life forever. So maybe people don't measure love with material possessions. Maybe I'm confused. Maybe I am rambling. Maybe this couple next to me should stop making out next to me. Maybe they should read this and get angry at me. Anywho, sometimes I feel bad for being the person I am and it sucks that people have to put up with me, but it sucks that I have to put up with some other people too. My thoughts are really unorganized haha.

I hate it when people tell others to be more American or tell others thats what a real American does. Here is my definition of an American: a shitty and cocky human being. Why would you want to be American? Don't be American, be a decent human being that sometimes looks out for other people. I understand we need people to buy into the system because people now a days find it hard to motivate them selves. So we use this phrase and we pump fear into people to keep things running smoothly. Like what if everyone played basketball and football as hard as I did. There would be no problem and there wouldn't be all this doubting about effort. This is why we use this to make people feel guilty and scared, because there are a lot of shitty out there that only look out for them selves. Maybe it is our fault the government and politicians do what they do. And why do we have to follow some old ass rules that don't make sense to us sometimes? Things change and so should the rules. Again, my thoughts are so unorganized. I like to babble sometimes.

I watched Fahrenheit 9/11 on Sunday and I loved that little joint to. Before I watched it I told myself I wouldn't let the movie effect my opinion on Bush, but it didn't work. I wasn't a fan of Bush before, and I still don't like him. But he is our president and I will respect him and I am always loyal. But even before the movie I always thought he just seemed like a big dummy. If you look at him, it just looks like nothing is turning inside his dumb little head and he always has this little smile on his face like he is always thinking about ice cream. And why is he always sticking his neck out? And the way he talks, yuck! Did anyone watch the part where he was talking about something and then he goes, "Now watch me drive this ball" or something like that. That part was funny as shit and pretty much sums up Bush. The 2008 election is much needed. I don't even care of a republican gets voted in, it is going to be hard to find someone worse than Bush. I don't like left, right, rep, dem labels, I just care about the person, if it is a good person running our country, good. If the republican finds someone who is worse then Bush, well, sucks for us.

Andre Oker

After school Tuesday night blogging. Yay!
Strait to business.

Friday started out like every other Friday I blog about. Lunch with my Mom and the school and then a pick up. After we got home I got a text from Joe and we went to Bass Lake Park and played some B-ball. I forgot how amazing and expressive basketball is. I just watched Steve Nash play the other day and it helped me remember why basketball was my favorite sport for so many years. My favorite thing about basketball is passing. No other sport, except for soccer I guess, lets you pass the ball so freely between each other. Hockey is not considered a sport, only homos play hockey. Don't try to persuade me either, this is something I will be stubborn about. But icky passing is so amazing. Shooting is to easy, anyone can jack up a shot, but to be able to predict someones movements and slice a ball through a defense and put the ball right where it needs to be is such a great feeling. I watch Steve Nash and he is a a good shooter and I see times where he tries to shoot more, but he options to pass when ever he can. Why? I actually don't know why either. When I play, I would rather pass then shoot. Why? Again, I don't know why. Joe has been joining us for a lot of basketball lately and having him around has really helped make basketball much more enjoyable. Usually the only skilled basketball players I play with are Dean and Jon and having another person makes it that much better. After basketball we went blockbuster to rent Donnie Darko but they didn't have it in so I grabbed a couple of randoms. Well I've seen Requiem before but I just grabbed it then I went up a couple of rows and grabbed the first movie I saw. When we got home I looked at the cover and saw that I got "Single White Female 2." Never heard of it before but we popped it in while we ate pizza. Just what I expected, a shitty movie but a really good shitty movie. SWF2 helped me re-discover my love for good bad movies. Guess I'm re-discovering a lot of things about myself.
Jon came to church with us on Saturday. After church we picked Dean up from his dorm. When we got home I texted Joe and we the cracking on some more basketball. I got semi-competitive like I always do. We found a set of teams that made our games very competitive. I think I lost more than I won on Saturday. Sometimes I feel like telling people what I think they are doing wrong, but I am scared to offend them so I don't. But then they keep making the same mistakes over and over and it eats at me. I think maybe thats what makes me mad sometimes. I think we (Dean, Andy, me vs. Joe, Jon, Mitch) lost a bunch of our games because we didn't have enough ball movement and our choice of shots were poor. I had to guard Jon which is never an easy assignment and I really didn't want to help off of him but the other team was able to out muscle Dean and Andy. This made it very tough because I had to help out many times and left Jon to collect all sorts of offensive of rebounds. Our lack of ball movement hurt our offense. I was afraid to give up the ball because I felt like I would never get it back. There was this one time where I made 3 consecutive shots and for the next couple of offensive possessions I didn't touch the ball. After basketball we went over to Best Buy since I had 10 reward bucks that were going to expire soon. Jon and Andy pitched in and we bought Fusion Frenzy 2. I still haven't played it yet but it sounds sweet. After Best Buy we went home and Karaoked the night away. During an Underoath song I got super light headed but it was so worth it. After that we got cleaned up and went over to Applebees. The conversations weren't as good as last weeks. I tried to organize where everyone sat to promote good conversations but people would not cooperate so we got stuck with a bad arrangement. We still managed to get some good topics in then someone suggested we leave in the middle of a conversation so it kind of killed the mood. When we got home Andy brought Donnie Darko the directors cut over and we watched the movie in fear. Donnie Darko is easily the scariest movie I have ever seen. Frank haunts us all. I told Jon that one day I was going to buy a Frank suit and sneak into his room while he was sleeping. The directors cut makes the movie 200% more understandable and when you understand a movie like that it becomes more scary. When I watched the original version, the movie was more ambiguous and I made my own interpretations and they were more friendly I guess. If you haven't seen Donnie Darko yet, please please kill yourself or go watch it. Or maybe get yourself out of the tangent universe you live in...eh? After the movie we sat around and chatted about the movie and other more philosophical things about life. It was a damn damn damn damn damn fucking damn good talk. This is why I tried to organize the table at Applebees. I am going to call Dean, Jon and Andy my philosophical conversation team. Actually, you could throw Sat in there because he has some really good input too, even if he is conservative, tee hee, just kidding. I'm glad we were the only ones left so we could talk deeply. We talked about the movie since we now understand what it was about and then we talked about a lot of other social and philosophical topics. A topic I like was the topic about Jim Cunningham and brainwashing people out of fear. Fear -X----- Love, tee hee. Jim Cunningham lead us to the talking of religion. I learned that Dean, Andy and I all have the same agnostic view. Jon brought up the idea of things being infinitely small and infinitely big. We didn't talk about the infinitely small things but out conversation expanded into the infinitely large things. There were a bunch of other great things we talked about and I mixed in a lot of talk about buying a Frank suit so I could scare Jon. Jon threatens to end our friendship if I ever approach him in a Frank suit. I threat I may well put to the test one of these days...well, if I ever have $250 of spare change. Sunday I pretty much didn't do shit then slept over at Dean's. Last night I watched Fantastic4 with my Mom and I remembered how much of a mediocre movie it is. Along with all these other super hero movies. But I did re-discover how fucking beautiful Jessica Alba is. How did I forget? If anyone wants to start a cult dedicated to the death of Cash Warren, let me know. Actually I wouldn't do that, the happiness of Ms. Alba comes first...or does it? Now its Tuesday and I'm blogging. Tee hee!

So I don't think I've blogged much about Virgina Tech. Well the news and all the whole media world is doing such a damn good job, I just don't need to. 24 hours of Virgina Tech everyday, so sweet! After V.Tech, there was a bomb threat at the U in the building I was sitting in at the time. I was taking a test when this guy in a blue suit runs in and tells my teacher that we need to leave the room. My teacher informs him that we were taking a test then he let her know more bluntly that there is a bomb threat in the building. The worst part was trying to get passed the cops. They had the whole west side of the mall taped off and I couldn't get out. If the buildings blew up, I would have gotten hurt because the cops wouldn't let me out. What I don't get is why people always huddle around scenes. If a bomb goes off, all you stupid mother fuckers are going to get hurt. I bet you these "hudlers" are the same panicky people that scream and run when someone actually happens. Oh human nature and stupid ass people. I wasn't surprised by the bomb threat, of course V.Tech is going to spark some sort of uprising. Just deal with it. I brought up the uprising idea with Andy of my conversation team. Conversation team represent! I told him that I wasn't surprised. I also brought up that I hate it when the news calls Cho a bad guy. Again, I am not and I can't excuse him for anything he did, but to call him a bad is completely wrong. We are as much the bad guy as he is. I told Andy this and he brought up a good point. That there will be some uprising and that if we call Cho a bad guy, then what will all the other people like Cho think? All those other socially rejected people who are watching the news hearing that people like them are bad. Wouldn't this start more uprising? I hate how the news presents this brilliant, we are smart, Dan Rather-ish look and feel but when you boil everything down, they are the stupidest, yes stupidest, fucks ever. Someone should go V.Tech on the media. (To soon! haha).
With the help of my conversation team, conversation team represent!, I re-discovered that I really don't buckle under pressure. I read some survival stories and I asked myself, would I be able to stay calm under those circumstances and I guess the answer is yes. Andy brought up the one time I had a gun held to my head when someone tried to steal a bike. You would think that would be a major event in my life that I remember for ever, but for some reason that event is the last thing I remember. I guess out of defense for my sanity, my mind has pushed that memory way back. I never remember that event. I was calm when I learned about the bomb threat too. We also talked about death. I don't think anyone should fear death because it can strike at anytime in any form. It is completely out of our control. When it comes, just accept it. Easy to say now, but it is more comforting to think like that rather then live in fear and have that fear used against you by capitalist America. After our chat at Jon's and on my way home in the dim light of the moon at 3:30 a.m, I felt like I was going to die. The night was so creepy. Every house, every light seemed to focus on me and it sounded like every sound was after me. I was hoping that when I got home, Dick would be downstairs playing video games. He wasn't there. I cleaned up and went to bed.
I thought about how lonely some people are. I thought about what if one of my friends went Cho and shot some people up. I thought about it and I guess my friends aren't the most socially accepted people. If you take me out of the equation, I guess you could consider my friends to be in the loser crowd. Not that I'm special or anything, but I think I'm a little different. I really don't want to be classified into a high school social group. I've always kind of wanted to be an outcast with a different twist. I think I kind of was. I was an outcast in the sense that I never fit into any group, but wasn't an outcast in the sense that people respected me. Anywho, I digress. Actually I more then digress, I completely lost my thought. Haha, fuck! Damn it, damn it! Oh well.
Sucks that I forgot. I'll end this blog here since I'm forgetting things and my wrists are starting to hurt.

Zombie Dream Chapter 9

This new hotel is fricken amazing! It is so big and so fancy and I feel like a king. The weight room is way nicer then the last one and this place has a hot tub too! They also have a nice sized pool that I use a lot now. The other day I forced myself to swim until I puked. I managed to puke out of the pool. I just want to build my stamina up. My days basically consist of waking up, eating healthy, working out, swimming, relaxing, planning out new strategies, practicing, getting to know people, chilling with the boys, sleep, then doing it all again. A couple times there are missions and thats about all the excitement we get. I wish my friends were as dedicated as I am, but they join me once in a while so I don't mind. Dick has joined me for a couple of work outs and he practices with me. He is learning quickly and soon he is going to be better then a couple of the guys. We saw the military in the cities during one of our missions last week. Dawson and I have been watching a lot of news lately when ever its on. They don't air everyday anymore. They usually go around the country and give you updates on areas and sometimes they let people share their survival stories. Dawson and I love the survival stories segments and we always get a good laugh out of them. Once a week they release a list of dead. How they come up with this list I don't know. This week there was a group of people dead from Minnesota. For some reason, deep inside of me, it feels like they were people I knew.



I haven't done shit at all today. We went on a mission two days ago and I bruised my shoulder really bad so I've just been resting up. Jon had this really nasty head shot on one of the monsters from like 3 feet away with his shotgun and got blood and brains on all of us. He thought it was funny as hell but I was pissed. Dean managed to stab one of those bastards a couple of missions ago and I managed to sneak up on one of them. Either these cunts are getting dumber or we are getting better. I get really bored of sitting around so I ask my boys if they want to do anything. They are also in sluggish moods so I buck up and tell all of them to get up and that we are going swimming. They all kind of groan but I start to jump around the room and slapping them and this kind of brings them to their feet. By the time we leave the room everyone is up beat and slap happy. We run around and grab our siblings and anyone else that might want to jump into the pool. I knock on Jamie and Amanda's room and yell for them to join. Someone brings a stereo down to the pool so now we have music. We have this huge water fight and it is probably the funnest thing we have done in the longest time. We toss the little kids around and eventually the water fight turns into everyone vs. me and my boys. My boys and I act like monsters and the little kids run around and shoot us with water while people like Amanda keep reloading their water guns. I grab a couple of little kids and I tell them they have to be monsters with us now but that only lasts for like two minutes and then they go back to the other group. I make a plan with a couple of kids later and I tell them when the leave to pool to go grab new guns that they should push Amanda in. They come through and when Amanda gets pushed into the pool the water fight becomes everyone vs. Amanda. During one of our attacks on the kids Mitch manages to punch me on my bruised shoulder and my arm feels like its about to fall off. Then right after, he pushes a kid to hard and the kid begins to cry. After that we all play for a little more and call it a night. A bunch of the parents come down with towels and take their kids back to their rooms. All the kids thank me as they leave and it makes me feel like a hero. My group and Amanda stay back to clean everything up. I ask her why Jamie didn't come and she tells me that he doesn't like little kids. Figures. Jon and Dawson are giving Mitch a hard time for pushing the kid and I jump in and I joke about it too. Then I tell him he punched my shoulder and he denies that he did. After we get the pool area cleaned we grab our towels to leave when Amanda pushes me back into the pool, then Mitch pushes Amanda then Dean pushes Mitch. I swallowed a lot of water when I fell in. Water I pissed in, but hey, everyone does it. Dawson, Jon and Dean are on the outside of the pool laughing and the three of us in the pool try to splash water out and get them wet but they are to far. We climb out of the pool and Dawson, Jon, and Dean toss us their towels and we all make our way to our rooms. Amanda stops walking and I ask her whats wrong and she says she is to tired to walk jokingly and that she needs a piggyback ride. Mitch bends over and flashes his back and waits for her to jump on. Amanda laughs and Mitch continues to wait. I look over at Jon with a smile and I tell him, "give the girl a piggyback ride damn it." Amanda says, "Oh whatever," and jumps on my back. Dawson puts his arm around Mitch and makes a joke that I couldn't hear and Dean and Dawson bust out laughing. Mitch joins them even though it seems like he got burned pretty bad. I think we are all in such a good mood nothing can bring us down right now. We goof off on the way back to our room but when we reach the door the mood kind of sinks. Everyone pauses like they don't want the night to end and it sucks that we don't know when we will have so much fun again. Everyone says bye to Amanda and walks into our room and I wait for Amanda to get off my back. After a second I tell her that I kind of have to get into my room. She says that she is to lazy to walk back to her room and that I should drop her off. I laugh and make fun of her since we are basically standing at her door. I open the door and I walk in and I see Jamie sitting there watching t.v. He turns and looks at us and I feel Amanda jump off my back. Jamie asks us if we had fun and Amanda tells him yes quietly then she turns to me and tells me thanks then I walk out the room. I enter my room and all the guys are wrestling. I hop in the shower. I close my eyes and let the water hit my face.

My shoulder is healing really slow but I don't want to fall behind so I went to go lift some light weights today. Dick and Jon join me. Jamie walks in with his shirt off and it looks like he rubbed shit on his chest and six pack to make himself look better. I kind of laugh because its only Jon, Dick and myself in the room. Who is he really trying to impress? He says hi to us and walks over and starts to chat about a bunch of irrelevant crap. He asks us how our missions are going and I tell him they are fine. Jon asks him why he doesn't come on missions with us already knowing the answer. Jamie quickly and confidently tells us that he stays back to protect the women just in case the hotel gets attacked. I guess thats a good enough answer. I switch locations to move to a different machine and Jamie follows me. I wish he would have stayed back over there with Jon and Dick. He hovers above me as I work out and he lets me know that he and Amanda are planning a special dinner for their anniversary. I tell him congratulations and that I hope they have a good time. He asks me for some tips and maybe a present suggestion. I tell him to just make her laugh and show her a good time. I also tell him that she likes piggyback rides and long talks so he should plan to talk to her about whatever after dinner. He says thanks and asks for a present suggestion again. I stop lifting and I have to think about it quickly. She really isn't into material goods and never talks about things she likes. She doesn't really even wear jewelry. I tell him that I'll think about it and next time I go out into the city that I'll get him something. He says thanks and leaves. As I lift I think about it and finally think of a present. Fruit Snacks.

Dick came on a mission with us today and it was very stressful. I felt like I had to watch myself and Dick, but the experience was something Dick needed to feel. Plus I knew Jon and Dean would look out after him to. We didn't run into many monsters but we still got some action. I managed to find a big box of fruit snacks and everyone questioned me about it. I tell them not to worry about it in a friendly pissed off voice. I also got a teddy bear and this pretty necklace. On the way home Dawson made a bunch of stops so we could shoot at random monsters. I told him not to joke around but everyone in the car was having such a good time he kept goofing off. When we got home I gave the goods to Jamie. He thanks me and slips me some money. I look at him wondering if the money is a joke, but I see that he is serious about it. I make a strait face and I tell him thanks. After he closes the door, I toss the money over my shoulder.

Dawson and I watched the news and they are saying that the military has captured one of these creatures and that they plan to do some medical tests on it to study it. I kind of wonder why they haven't already done something like this. The news ends with some survival stories. This one guy said he fought off a whole group of creatures with a hammer. Dawson and I laughed hard as hell when we heard that because the guy was this pretty boy like Jamie and we could just tell he was feeding us shit. After the news I go lift some weights with Dawson. Its late and the hallways are dark but just the feeling that someone is next to you is so comforting. We flick the bright florescent lights of the weight room on and begin to work out. I hear the door open and I quickly look over to see who it is and its Amanda with some water and fruit snacks. She walks over to Dawson and gives him some water first then walks over to me. I thank her for the water and I ask her what she is all dressed up for. "Jamie and I had a special dinner tonight." I forgot that the dinner was tonight so I didn't have to act surprised. "How was it?" I ask her. She tells me that the food was good and that he got her a necklace and a cute little teddy bear and her favorite fruit snacks then offers me some. I tell her no thanks and that I'm glad she had fun. Dawson walks over to a machine closer to me and asks Amanda about the fruit snacks. "Where did you get those?" he asks kind of laughing and looking at me and she replies "Jamie gave them to me." Dawson laughs and is about to correct her but I give him a face that he catches and he just says sweet. Amanda catches the eye contact Dawson and I made and looks over at me quickly and I act like I'm working out. Dawson asks her, "what else did you get and what else did you guys do?" and she gives him the short catalogue of presents and tells us that after dinner they called it a night. I pop up from my machine and I say, "called it a night, that sounds good right now," and I walk toward the door. I thought Dawson would follow but he doesn't so I look back and tell the two goodnight and walk out. After I leave the room I keep thinking Dawson is going to follow but he doesn't and when I look back I see the two having a serious chat.


A lot of people died today. We were on this mission to get some stuff and the biggest wave of monsters came out of now where from a bunch of angles and surrounded us. We aren't sure how many people we lost today yet but I'm thinking at least 20. I feel bad because I didn't know most of the people that died all that well. I knew one of the Dads that died who was new Jim's neighbor and I knew Jamie. We just got back and there are a lot of people running around and crying and I need to clean up and I don't know how I'm going to tell Amanda about Jamie and I'm looking for my family. Jon, Dean and I are at the last group to enter and we drop a bunch of bags off quick. My family has to be around here somewhere but its hard to see around all these people running around looking for their loved ones. I'm relieved we didn't decide to take Dick with us on this trip and I'm glad my Dad doesn't have to go out on Missions any more either. I'm glad most of our parents don't have to go on any more missions. Only Dawson's Dad, Brad, came with us and I guess new Jim too but I know he can take of him self. I'm really glad Jon, Dean, Dawson and Mitch came because we really saved the day. We saw Brad Dawson fall over and if it wasn't Dean we would have lost a close member. Jon, Dean and I really really clicked today and we were able to buy a lot of time for people to get out, it could have been a lot worse. I finally catch my family in the crowd and I break off from Dean and Jon and run over. My Mom is crying and I want to hug everyone but I'm covered in dry blood so I just stand there. I tell them that I'm fine and I need to finish bringing stuff and that I need to get cleaned up. I turn around to go grab some more bags and I see Jon with his family and Dean with his and I see Amanda running to Jim. As I'm moving the bags around I keep thinking about who we might have lost. A lot of families from the grocery store that Connie invited were lost. People who I could just feel might get in the way. And they did get in the way, but I feel horrible that I couldn't protect them. Jon and Dean run over and help me with the bags and we snake out way through all the crying people. I feel a hand grab my sleeve and tug and when I look its new Jim. "Thanks for saving me today," he says with Amanda in his other arm. I didn't even know I did anything so I tell him that it probably wasn't me. Then he tells me I killed a monster that was about to jump on him. I had no idea because I just shot anything that threatened us. We totally lost track of our kill count today, but after what happened, its irrelevant. Amanda looks over and asks me if I'm okay and I tell her yes. Then she asks, "Didn't Jamie go with you guys?" I look up and Jim then back at Amanda and I pull her aside. We walk to a more quiet area and I get the feeling she already knows whats coming but it is still hard to tell her what happened. I stand there and I mumble a couple of things and I don't know how to start but eventually I just come out and say it. She doesn't seem as shocked as I thought she would be but she still falls to the ground. I bend over and I tell her sorry that I couldn't protect him. We sit there and I let her cry on my shoulder for a little and we chat for a while. I remember I still need to move some bags and I tell her that I need to go help out. She asks me not to go and I ask her if she wants to come with. She stands up and asks if I'll give her a piggyback and I tell her I'm to dirty right now. I feel guilty for denying her and I toss off my coat and I signal for her to hop on. I walk back to where the bags should be and I don't find anything and I assume Dean and Jon moved them. Most of the families have returned to their rooms to mourn but there are still a couple of people walking around. I just walk around with Amanda on my back and we chat for a while. We get to our rooms and I tell her that she doesn't have to spend the night alone and that she should hang out with us. She hops off and agrees to it and invites me in her room while she just gets some things. I'm about to sit on the couch but I remember how filthy I am so I stand. We chat while she packs a few things and she suggests that we should have another fun night with all the kids so they can escape for a little while. I smile and I tell her that its a great idea. She finishes packing and we are about to walk out the door when she says my name and we stop. I look over at her and she thanks me for the fruit snacks and necklace and teddy bear. I give her my best confused act and she makes a frustrated face and then smiles and tells me that she knows. I give in and ask her how she knew and I'm kind of disappointed in my acting skills. She informs me that Dawson told her and it makes me half upset at Dawson and half proud of him. Upset because now I feel like I cheated Jamie and I feel worse because he is dead. Proud because thats what good friends do. I tell her that I just got the presents but that it was Jamie's idea and she gives me this "oh c'mon" face. I feel a hug coming on but dodge it by saying lets go and slip out the door.

Zombie Dream Chapter 8

Dream note: Alrighty, I don't know how I'm exactly going to explain this part. In my dream there was a lot of fast forwarding moments and this part moves kind of quickly. I don't know if I mentioned this in the introduction of chapter 1, but my dream started out by fast forwarding through the first 18 years of my life or so. I watched all the events that actually happened in my life in super fast forward. From the day I was born through elementary school, through Osseo and then to where my blogs picked up from. Then again sometimes in my dream things would fast forward or skip time. So like I remember riding in Dawson's car from the previous chapter and then things moved really fast and my dream would only show major events and then the next thing I know we are set up some place in Canada which chapter 8 explains. I don't know how I can explain the fast forwarding in the blogs, but I'll try doing something. Just warning that these next few parts might get a little confusing.

So imagine these next few parts moving really fast like you just pressed fast forward on your DVD player or if your old school, your tape player. You can even imagine the scratch streaks stretching across the screen if you are in visioning a VHS, because thats how I kind of saw it.

Dream: We leave the gas station parking lot and a lot of people have settled down. The ride is quiet at first but then I ask Dawson and Mitch if they are okay and they say yes in very dry tones. Then I remember that this is actually the first time they encountered one of these monsters and I try to bring their spirits up. After I loosen them up a little, I joke around and tell them that it wasn't that bad. I say to them, "at least no one got tore up like Tony did." A very evil joke, but it serves its purpose. Dawson comes out and tells us that he froze and he was scared beyond belief. He apologizes to us and I tell him that he doesn't need to be sorry because we were all afraid and if new Jim wasn't there we all might be dead. He agrees but then says, "Ya, but I thought I was ready," and I tell him, "I thought I was too, but at least now we have more experience and we will be more ready." Mitch jumps and says some macho crap. Dawson tells me I must have been really scared with all the blood and guts that flew on me. I tell him that I was so caught up in fear that I didn't even feel or hear anything. Mitch interjects and says, "Ya dude, I was just about to pull out my gun but it got caught on my belt." Dawson gives me this disgusted face and I flash a hidden smile. I tell them that next time I promise not to react like that and that I will be ready to defend myself and everyone else. I tell Dawson and Mitch to be ready for next time as well. Dawson says, "I will for sure try," and Mitch grunts, "of course!"

(Fast Forward)

Grocery store: We are running low on supplies and need to restock. It seems like the chaos is spreading faster than we can run and now cities are beginning to look thin. We just made it in this grocery store and we are making sure the area is clear. We have checked this first couple of aisles. The size of the grocery store makes the process very frightening and painful. We have split into two groups to speed up the process. I didn't want to split into two groups fearing that it might weaken our forces and I didn't want to leave the families waiting in the car defenseless either. I keep thinking about the gas station and I tell myself that I can not freeze like I did back there. New Jim is leading group two so I don't have the luxury of him backing me. We've only checked a few more aisles and it seems like we have been in here forever. The store still has some working lights so it isn't to bad light wise but the air is off and everyone is sweating heavily. We reach the end of another aisle and look down the main aisle both ways before we cut into the next aisle. Cereal is in the next aisle. I take a second to catch my breath and wipe some sweat off my face when I see flashes of bright light and huge bangs coming from where the other group should be. I hear lots of screaming and cussing also coming from that area and I looked back at my group and they all fall out of formation and I yell at them to try and keep them composed. We are all looking back at the other area and to try and figure out what is going on. The gun fire continues. I turn around and I see a silhouette down the aisle and it is approaching us quickly. I yell watch out and everyone turns and screams. I quickly squeeze my trigger as tight as I can a couple of times. Couple of shots to the head and body. My eyes are closed and I feel like falling to my knees to cry but I remember the promise I made in the car and I stay as calm as I can. My first kill. Dawson yells out, "Holy shit!" The other team has quieted down. Mitch yells a bunch of cuss words out way to quickly for me to understands and points down the aisle. Another creature moving way to fast to be human. This one has more a waddle compared to the other one. This time I steady my aim and I fire off a couple off shots. I can almost see each individual blood bullet floating in the air and it looks like art to me. I didn't even freak out over this kill. My second kill. I realized how much just shooting the gun once steadies your emotions. I tell Dawson and Mitch to shoot the dead body once and they do. Blood spurts out of its chest with each bullet. We move quickly through the rest of the aisles and we rendezvous with the other group. I quickly ask if everyone is okay and they say yes. New Jim is soaked in blood. I ask how many monsters they encountered and Jim says maybe 8 of them. I think about what might have happened if my group came across 8 creatures. I think to myself why the fuck did we have to pick this store.

We stay at a new hotel tonight. Its really nice. During our drive to the hotel I told Jon and Dean that I want them to watch what they eat and that I want them to exercise when ever they get the chance. I tell them that this is going to be a very physically challenging journey and if we want to increase our chances of living, we are going to need every advantage. I even talk Jon into eating some veggies. We have a large group dinner tonight and its been a while since we've done this. There are a bunch of separate conversations going on. Dawson, Mitch, Dean, Jon, Dick and I talk about our latest monster encounters we have had. We are all keeping track of our kill count. Over these few weeks I've learned a bunch of new techniques. We have all grown comfortable using our weapons and we are defending ourselves much better now. It has almost become a sport to me. I can shoot a gun and kill things now without hesitation. My kill count proves this. I am currently at and have been stuck on 11 kills for a while. Jon is growing a liking for shotguns and has 6 kills. Dean: 6, Dawson: 3, Mitch: 1 and Dick: 0. I've been teaching Dick how he should shoot a gun but he is still pretty nervous. We don't bring Dick on any of the missions, but I want him to be ready anyways. Amanda walks over and has a seat. I haven't talked to her much lately and I feel really guilty about it. I think I actually kind of avoid her out of fear now ever since Mitch made that comment about her being a hottie. Now that I feel an attraction towards her I am kind of scared to be around her. She asks, "What are you guys talking about?" and Dawson and Mitch jump in with some macho comments about killing monsters. She makes this sarcastic yet kind "oh great" face. I've been feeling kind of sick lately. It's not like a illness sick, but I just feel ill like I've been stressing out. But at the same time I don't feel like I'm stressing out. Life has become so different.

This is our second day at the hotel. We've made plans to visit a store that might have more ammunition since we want to always have some in stock. We aren't low quite yet, but better safe than sorry. We have been firing weapons at a much more frequent rate and we are trying to train everyone so that takes some ammo too. My boys and I sit in a room and watch some t.v. I've kind of forgotten what t.v was. Last week we gave out selves the nickname "The Hood Killers." We all think its super lame but we call our selves it anyways for some odd reason. Amanda jumps into our room and calls us by our nickname and I blush a little because the name sounds so dumb. There aren't any shows on t.v anymore, only news. ESPN and MTV are still on the air but they basically don't have anything about sports or music. The news is telling us that this chaos is spreading fast. It makes me really sad that there might not be an end to this anytime soon. I look over and I see Mitch macking on Amanda. They are laughing a lot and it makes me happy. Dawson is dedicated to the news and Dean and Jon are kind of off on their own. I hear a voice outside. Someone is yelling for us to come down. When we get meet up with the rest of the group I see that there are a bunch of new people. Connie and Jim Franklin begin to introduce the new group and explains that these people just got here. 2 or 3 new families. I only see one person our age. He is this really tall and handsome guy. Blue eyes, blond hair, muscular, good fashion. I get these "high school star quarterback" vibes from him and just the way he walks shows his arrogance. For some reason I feel like punching him in the face, but I opt not to. I just can't stand people like that. I guess I've just become more and more violent. He walks over to us and shakes our hand and gives us all a "wuddup dudes!" He smells really good and it kind of looks like he is wearing makeup. He walks up to Amanda and gives her a hug and he is really smooth with her. I kind of want to punch him in the face again but I again choose not to.

We've made a couple of more trips out to the cities to pick up more food and supplies. It feels like we have been at this hotel forever but I think about it and we really don't have other place to go. One more family has joined us during our time here. I've been talking to "star quarter back boy" a lot more lately and I finally learned his name. Jamie, what a fucking girl name. He hasn't done anything bad to me, but he hasn't done anything good either and I just get these awful cocky vibes from him that just make me sick. During these trips out to the city I've killed a lot more monsters. I am beginning to lose count since these creatures come in waves now, but I think I am somewhere around 25. Jon is still in second place but has been stuck at 15 for a while. I can slowly feel that sickness I've been feeling so much slowly fading. It feels like with every kill, I feel better. The more violently I think and the more defensively I think, the better I feel. I am starting to feel like a professional monster killer. There used to be a lot more people walking around when we went into the cities but you don't see them much anymore. The skies always seem to look gray and the roads are becoming more and more empty with each sunset. Newspapers litter the streets with updates and headlines. One newspaper had a headline that read "Hell on Earth."

Jamie and I got into a fight today. Now that I look back at it, it is such a childish fight. We were all eating dinner and he usually sits by us when we eat and he kept joking off and he kept calling me a fag. I wasn't in the best mood and I kind of snapped some comments back at him. He snapped when I told him that I fucked his mother. He then slammed the table and challenged me to a fight. I walked right up to him and looked up since he is a lot taller than me and I dared him to do something and he pushed me so I punched him across the face. By this time everyone jumped in and broke us up. They pulled him out of the room and a couple of the guys let me cool down before they say anything. I see Amanda run out the room and go after Jamie.

This store it huge. On the way in I killed one more monster. Well, I thought I did but Dawson claims that he got it first. I told him that he could have the kill and he offers to split the kill. I say no and I just give it the count to him even though I am certain I shot it first. It was a good shot to, right in the head. There really isn't any fear left in my heart now and I think everyone else is getting used to our missions. We are also starting to develop teams. The same group of people usually work together each time. I like this because it builds chemistry. I'm almost to the point where missions are like second nature and I can almost roam around freely and feel the environment for dangers. Everyone has become better marksmen. The store is big, but it doesn't take us to long to gather supplies. We came to load up on ammo and anything else we thought would help us defend ourselves. Jon grabs a brand new shotgun and I tell him that he doesn't need another one but he claims this one is more sexy than the last. I hear a gun shot in the aisle next to mine and I jump because I really didn't think there were any monsters in here. I walk over and peek into the aisle and its Jamie. I ask him, "what the fuck are you shooting at?!" and he just says, "sorry! it was an accident."

We are planning on leaving the hotel tomorrow because I guess we found a better area on the map and there is better hotel in that area. Tonight we have a huge group dinner where we talk about what our next move is and then everyone goes off into their separate groups to goof off. I'm with the boys and we chill and trade stories and give each other tips. I start up a conversation where we talk what we are thinking and seeing when we are out there so we can increase our team chemistry. You know, so we can be inside each others minds when we are out in fights. After we let the food settle for a little, we head over the the weight room and we all get a little work out in. It seems like all we talk about now are battles and strategies. And girls too I guess. We've become these totally masculine and brainless military brutes. I am going to try and fight falling into that mold. I still want to be a human being. The guys and I have been sharing the same room for the past week. It begins to get late so we all go up to our room and check over everything for tomorrow and sit around. We're sitting around and chatting when I hear a knock at the door so I get up an get it. We don't argue about who gets the door anymore. Who ever is closest gets it. We are much more disciplined. I open it and its Amanda and I get kind of confused because she knows just to walk in. Her head is down and she sniffles and I ask her, "whats wrong?" She looks up and I see she has been crying and she asks, "Can we talk?" and I say yes and step outside and close the door behind me. Amanda says, "lets walk," in a really soft tone and I follow her. I ask her, "whats wrong?" and it takes her a second to respond, "Everything is wrong Min." I don't say anything and I just listen. She asks me, "Are you happy here?" and I just say, "I guess so." I tell her that I'm comfortable and that I feel safe here. She goes on to tell me that I'm probably right but that sometimes she feels so lonely and trapped. I tell her that if she ever feels lonely that she could come over and hang out with me and the guys. I ask her about Jamie, "What about Jamie? You guys have been spending a lot of time together, you guys like a couple yet?" She tells me that they are but that they got into a fight tonight. I try to cheer her up and I tell her that he seems like a really nice guy and that he will probably treat her right. Then I ask her why she feels so trapped. She tells me that she hasn't been outside of the hotel for a week or two and that she forgets what the world looks like. I never thought of the people who have been stuck inside the hotel. Since I get to go out on missions every once in a while I've never felt to cramped. I feel really bad for them. I tell her that being stuck must really suck and that I never thought about that since I get to see the outside once in a while. She asks me how everyone and everything looks outside and I tell her that it's okay. I ask her what her and Jamie fought about tonight and she says that its really stupid. She tells me he gets mad when she comes and hangs out with us. "That is stupid," I tell her. She starts to cry a little and I stop walking and I stand with my back against the wall. I slide down to sit and she copies. I tell her to cheer and that if she ever wants to go outside that she can ask me and I'll take her out for a little while. She thanks me and tells me Jamie wouldn't take her out. I open my mouth and I'm about to tell her that Jamie doesn't take her outside because he is a pretty little pussy, but I don't. I make a stupid joke about how the monsters don't really scare me anymore. I ask her if she remembers the night I told her I was afraid to use a gun and she tells me she does. I tell her that I'm not afraid anymore and that I look forward to my next kill. She looks up at me and with a tiny smile tells me that my words are creepy. I smile back and I tell her that I agree and I feel like I'm becoming a killing machine and that I don't like it. I stand up and she gets worried that I'm going to leave and she asks me where I'm going. I smile and I tell her I'm not going anywhere and that my leg is falling asleep. I ask her to stand up and she does. I bend over and I tell her to jump on my back so I can give her a piggyback ride. She gives me this "are you serious" face and I tell her to just do it. I tell her that I'll walk her around and that we can chat until she feels better. Later that night when I drop her off at her room, she tells me that she likes piggyback rides.

Today is the day we leave and go to our new hotel. Jon, Dean and I woke up early to get a work out in before we left. Well, Jon and I did because Dean was to sleepy to lift. It makes me a little grumpy that he doesn't lift. We pack all of our stuff and carefully bring them to the car. It takes a few trips. After everyone has packed everything into their cars we meet in the lobby to plan everything out. I watch everyone walk out the lobby. Jamie at the end of the line with his arm around Amanda looks at me and gives me a cocky smile and wink.

This hotel is a lot farther that I had thought. I am riding with my family on this trip and we are in the back of the line of cars. The car kind of turns funny and makes a noise and I ask my Dad what happened and he says it feels like we popped a tire. The other cars continue to drive off and my Dad turns to shoulder and stops the car. I tell my Dad to call one of the other cars and to let them know that we just need to change a tire and for them not to stop since we are so close to the hotel. I jump out of the car to check the back tire and I see that it is flat as a mother fucker. I kick the flat tire and I yell "FUCK" really loud. As I yell my frustrations I hear a crash behind me and I turn around to see what it was. I don't see anything but then this object jumps out from behind the tall fence and starts running at me. I calmly and quickly reach for my gun but there isn't anything there. I left it in the car. I don't panic and I yell for some help and I brace myself so I can fight the creature when it gets close. Keep its mouth away from you at all costs I tell myself. The monster is in leaping distance but when it leaves its feet and flies to wrong way. I hear a couple more bangs and blood jumps strait up into the air. The monster is on the ground and it jiggles a couple more times and I hear a few more bangs. I side step to see who shot the pistol and its Dick leaning out of the window with a smoking pistol in his hand.

When we get to the hotel we unpack quickly and we check the huge place out. This place is much nicer. I find a weight room so I run up to my room and I change so I can work out a little. Dean joins me. We got back to our room to clean up and I see Amanda and Jamie walking into the room next to ours. Amanda says hi and that she picked this room. Amanda walks into her room and Jamie follows her and gives me a wink before he does. We sit around a little and I get bored so I go lift some more weights. It seems like all I think about now is getting stronger and killing monsters and it bothers me that I've become so one dimensional. As I'm working out old Jim walks in. I haven't talked to him for a while and it is good to see him. I ask him how he has been and he replies, "well." We chat about a bunch of things other then whats going on outside but all conversations now a days are about the chaos. Jim tells me that I've turned into quite the leader and that a lot of people look to me for support. It surprises me because I thought a lot of people didn't like me bossing them around. I felt like I was the leader of my little group and that was it. I ask him how his family is doing and we get around to talking about Jamie. Jim doesn't like him either so we spend some time ripping on Jamie. Jim makes fun of his name. I tell him as long as Amanda is happy thats all that matters and he agrees.

We need to go get some more food. The cities are about two hours away so we usually bring a small group but I suggest to everyone that we have a big group this time. Some people argue that its unsafe and I totally agree but I let them know that its probably not healthy if we keep people trapped within the hotel walls. Everyone agrees to let some people come this one time. This store has its lights on there are other families walking around getting food. We talk to a few of the other families. From what I've gathered it seems like a lot of people haven't formed groups like we have and that they are rolling as single families. I talk to this one family and my intuition tells me that they would be perfect to bring along. Smart, clean, respectful, physically fit. I ask them if they would like to join us and they agree to it. Connie Franklin starts inviting all the families and in the store and I tell her not to do that. She gets upset at me and calls me a hypocrite. She asks why I can invite people and she can't. I tell her that I don't know why. Thats because I really don't know why, but for some reason I can feel what groups are good and what groups are not. I can just tell what groups would help our group and which ones would hurt our group. I tell her that we can bring the families she has invited so far but not to bring ask anymore. She agrees to it and leaves upset.

Zombie Dream Chapter 7

I wake up and my neck hurts because my pillow ran away from me in the middle of the night. My alarm keeps going off and I let it ring to make sure everyone wakes up. Mitch yells, "turn that shit off!" and stuffs his head under his covers. I click it off and stretch out my neck trying to relieve to pain. I see Dawson pop up cocooned in his sleeping bag and I say Dean and Jon's name to see if they're awake. They don't say anything but pretend to spoon. I step out of my sleeping and yell out get up everyone then I kick my pillow that betrayed me in the middle of the night and now is a couple of feet away from my sleeping bag. How it got that far away while I was sleeping I do not know. Jon and Dean now both get up at the same time and sit in the same position. I guess thats what all that spooning does to a couple. Mitch rolls off the bed mumbling and takes the covers with him and uncovers Amanda. She rolls up into a ball to try and keep warm and has an irritated look on her sleeping face. I walk over and I set my sleeping bag over her and she opens her eyes. I smile and tell her that we should all get ready to leave. She nods. I tell her that she has some awesome morning hair too then she ducks into the sleeping bag. I look over at Mitch and he is all rolled up in the covers in the floor and I kick him gently and I say, "get your lazy ass up fag." We meet up with all the adults who are also getting ready to leave. They tell us what they are thinking and then we go back to our rooms to pack the rest of our stuff. After everyone finishes we meet out in front of our cars and make sure everyone understands what is going to happen. After we get the plan drilled into everyones head Connie says that we should go wake up the new people that came last night and tell them its time to leave. As she begins to walk toward the rooms I tell her that they aren't part of the plan. She looks back kind of confused and I tell that we can't just bring all these random people along that we don't know. She makes the argument that our group has a good plan and that we should bring everyone along that we meet. I tell her that its not a good idea and that we should bring some people along, but not everyone. I look back at the rest of the group and new Jim seems to agree. Connie walks back and joins the group and we all wish each other luck and hop in our cars. Mitch decides to ride with Me and Dawson and hops into the back of Dawson's Impala. Dawson turns the music up and I sit back and relax. We follow Jon's Tahoe and Jon and Katie look back and wave at us. A couple of hours into the ride we turn the music down and we just chat. Dawson lets me know that we might need to get some food soon and I agree. Mitch asks me why we left those new people back at the motel behind and I tell him I don't think its a good idea to just bring any one along and that I only want smart and good people in our group that don't ruin our chemistry. I ask him did he talk to any of them and he says he talked to some of them and that they seemed like good people. I just say oh well and that we probably will meet new people soon. Mitch says, "Ya, but there was this really hot chick!" I ask him, "for real?" only semi-interested and he says yes and begins to describe her to us. Then he stops and says, "do you know who else is kind of hot? Amanda." Dawson jumps in and agrees with Mitch and I think about it and tell them I never really looked at her like that but that she is really nice and pretty. After our conversation dies off we enjoy the emptiness of the road and continue our drive. Mitch's comment sticks with me and the more I think about it the more I think how special Amanda really is. We drive for a little more and the lead car exits and everyone follows. We get out in the parking lot of a pretty big gas station and huddle to talk things over. Dawson brings up to the group that we might need to get some more food soon and everyone agrees. Everyone grabs a gun and I tell them that we need to secure the area before we all go in and grab goods and refresh. I select a group to go in and secure the inside and I select some people to stay back and stand guard. I explain to the entry group how I want this to work out and we all run up to the door. The lights are off inside and the store looks messy. I ask everyone if their ready before I open the doors and everyone nods their head. I push the door open and a huge wave of humid and rancid air hits us. A couple of us cover our mouths as we cough and it sounds like some of us choke back puke. After we recover a couple of our guys criss cross in and secure the sides of the room then the rest of our team storms in. The store is super messy and I get a really bad feeling in the pit of my belly. We maneuver through a couple of aisles and reach the cash register. I look over and I find a pool of dried blood and the sight increases my heart rate. We sneak and check the rest of the building and we reach one last room. The employees only room. I can hear a buzzing that sounds like machines from the other side of the room. I get down on one knee and put my hand on the handle and I look back to see if everyone is focused before I open the door. I take a deep breath and it feels like everyone follows and it makes me feel like we are all on the same page. I fling the door open and there is a loud crash. A bunch of things fall off and creates a lot of noise and then I see a body flip over and jump to its feet. Its neck turns way to fast and its red eyes lock onto our group and it begins to charge with rapid speed. All of a sudden the creature gets hit and blood flies from its head and chest sprays all over the wall. The creature gets launched back, hits the floor and doesn't move. I'm in shock and I don't even remember hearing any shots. Then there is a loud bang to my left and it makes me jump quickly to my right and I look up and I see that Jim Franklin has shot one more shot off the make sure that the monster is dead. I gather myself and I look over at the rest of the group and I'm greeted with white faces and wide eyes. I look over to new Jim and I see that he is very calm and that his pistol is smoking. I am the first to speak and I ask if everyone is okay and I get no response from anyone. I ask if there are anymore in here and new Jim says, "probably not but be careful." I look up at Jim and I ask him if he was the one that shot the monster and he nods his head silently. I slowly close the door shut and I whisper a "holy shit." We carefully walk out to tell the rest of our group that the gas station is secure and that we should go grab some things quickly. My Mom grabs me and asks me if I'm alright in a loud and panicky voice and I say yes confused. I ask her whats wrong and she asks me why there is all this blood on me. I wipe my forehead with my hand and I look down at my palm and I see that it is indeed smeared with blood. I see everyone is staring at me silently worried and I kind of snap out of my shocked state and I yell, "ah fuck, thats gross!" This relieves the tension and I see everyone kind of relax. Jim Franklin looks over to new Jim and says, "us Jim's need to stick together more," and they get a good chuckle out of it. The people that were waiting outside all run over to the nearest person that was involved in the entry and begin to shoot out questions. My Mom and Dad help me wipe the blood off of my face and we have a family hug. I joke around and express how pissed I am that a good shirt is all messed up. Everyone walks into the gas station and I see new Jim stationed by the employees only corner sealing it off so no one walks by that area. I walk over to him and help him. We stand there for a little while and don't say anything but then I tell him thank you. He asks, "for what?" and I tell him, "for saving my life, duhh!" He laughs and says, "hey, I was saving my life too." Everyone makes the process quick and we all walk out together to jump back into our cars. Jim and I walk back next to each other and Amanda jumps in between us and playfully throws her arms around the both of us. She asks us if we are okay and Jim says, "yes we are sweetie," and kisses her gently on the forehead. She looks over at me and I smile and tell her yes. I run over to Dawson's Impala and I hop in.

James McFarland

If anyone is thinking about buying a computer soon, I warn you now, DO NOT buy a Toshiba machine and do not buy it from CompUSA. They both suck. I bought a Toshiba laptop from CompUSA and since the day I bought I've had troubles with it.

Yesterday I got something in the mail asking me to donate money to some Alzheimer's foundation. They sent the message to a MRS. Min Lee at Vinewood LN. The address is right but there isn't a Mrs. Min Lee. Idiots.

On Sunday the MLB had Jackie Robinson day and it was all over ESPN. Basically it was the only thing they talked about. Yes Jackie Robinson should be honored but god damn! That night I had a dream where everyone was against me. Everyone would make fun of my ideas and they would bash anything that came out of my mouth. Well one day I snapped and I started beating the shit out of everyone. I think the dream was related to all the Jackie Robinson stuff because they talked about how Robinson was rejected by everyone but had enough strength to fight for what he thought was right. I think I learned that if I was in Robinson's shoes, I would have never made it.

I am getting more and more excited for this years Warped Tour. I have no idea why I am so excited so early but I am. Maybe my love for music keeps growing and growing and now I just can't get enough. I plan on buying my ticket soon so I can get the special pre-sale discount. $30 for all those bands!? STEAL! My TBS, OU, AFS tickets cost more. I don't think the list is final yet because I saw some bands being added still, but here is who I am looking forward to seeing.
For Sure Seeing:
Amber Pacific
Chiodos
Escape the Fate
Meg and Dia
Underoath

Want to see but depends in the timing and lineup:
A Static Lullaby
The Almost
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Bayside
Bleed The Dream
Cinematic Sunrise
Circa Survive
Funeral For A Friend
Poison The Well
The Starting Line

Might see because I might never get another chance:
Coheed and Cambria
New Found Glory

Won't be seeing:
Cute is What We Aim For
Rocket Summer
My American Heart

Won't be seeing because they aren't coming:
Anberlin (Two days After the stop)
As I Lay Dying (3 Days before they join)
Sum 41
The Used (Their new song is sweet!)
Yellowcard

I watched Bowling for Columbine last week and now Michael Moore is my hero. I can agree with so many things in the film. I think it is very brave of Moore to fight for what he believes in the mainstream even if it means that a lot of people hate him for it. He uses art to communicate many of our problems and actually does something to try and fix those problems. I hope someday I can use art as a medium to help people feel and see things. I wish I would have taken notes while I was watching the movie so I could talk about each topic but I didn't so I guess I just won't be talking about them. I will mention how brilliant the Marilyn Manson interview was. I tell myself that the interview has to be edited and that they actually practiced and recorded the thing many times because the interview is perfect. Everything Manson says is just strait up right and it amazes me that he could say such brilliant words just off the top of his head. I don't care of you're liberal or conservative, everyone should watch the movie and if don't agree with something in the movie, well you should die (I keep wanting to make inappropriate Virginia Tech jokes but I will refrain). I got Fahrenheit 9/11 coming to me soon and I am pumped to watch it.

There is this kid named Will in my Rock and History class and he is unique person. His opinions on things have no middle ground, he either really likes it, or hates it. He is this really big really built guy and he presents this brute, red neck vibe. In Rock History when we learned about women in rock he comes up to me and tells me that women suck at music and should stick to house work. When we learned about gay people in U.S History he told me he wanted to leave because he was disgusted. When we learned about Iron Maiden in rock class, he loved it. Are you kind of sensing what this guy is like? I wish people could be more multicultural and accept things more.
There was a part in Bowling for Columbine that talked about how people are more likely to get attacked by a white person in some part in California rather then a black person. And I believe it. We all just think that it is more likely we get attacked by a black person. I thought about it and I have really changed when it comes to this issue. When I lived in Minneapolis I wasn't scared of black people, most of my friends were actually black. After a few years in Plymouth, I became afraid of black people. Being around all these white people who live afraid of black people rubbed off on me. So I told myself, you will flush all fears of black people out and you will respect them as individuals. I can't change completely over night, but I managed to eliminate most of my fears. Its crazy how you can just force yourself not to be afraid, it really works. I was actually tested the other day. I was sleeping in the car and my Dad left the car windows open since the sun was out and the weather is getting really hot. I woke up to the sound of DMX and I looked out the window. Outside was this huge black dude. I would assume a normal white suburban person would roll up the windows and lock the doors. I think normally I would be a little scared but at that moment I wasn't. He looked into the car and saw me laying there but by this time I had opened my eyes. He goes, "Oh snaps, what up kid?" and I just replied with a "what up?" myself. He laughed and said, "damn, he tired as a 'mua fucka.'" I think a normal suburban person would be scared by the cussing, but lucky for me, I knew he wasn't actually calling me a mother fucker. Then I thought would someone who isn't multicultural or in this case hip-hop cultured be offended by him calling someone a "mua fucka?" I think everyone should make an effort to learn more about other cultures so there isn't this confusion and this fear between groups. I think I am lucky to be semi-diverse but I want to learn more and more.
There is more I wanted to talk about on this topic but my wrists kind of hurt from typing so much so I am going to quit. I need to write a paper tonight too. Tee hee!

DeAndre Thomas

This morning I woke up and I had no idea what was going on. I had no idea where I was and what I was doing. I couldn't even find my alarm even though it was going off. I woke up looking up at the ceiling and that rarely happens. It was weirdie.

Last night while I was writing out the beginning of my history paper I listened to the Donnie Darko soundtrack because I didn't want to listen overly intense music. The Donnie Darko OST is probably the scariest CD ever. I had to take my headphones off
just because I was getting to scared. It was weirdie.

So everyone probably knows about the Virgina Tech shooting that went down yesterday. It is really crazy stuff and even more weird for me because I just watched Bowling for Columbine. My heart goes out to all the families involved because I can't even imagine losing a loved one so abruptly. At the same time, I have this sucks for you guys feeling deep down inside. I know that is like the worst thing I could say at a time like this and I hope I don't get blacklisted by Google or the government but sometimes we all deserve something like this. We, everyone, are not good people and it feels refreshing to be slapped in the face once in a while. Hopefully something like this brings people together and makes us better people. I kind of feel like we deserve it.
I just got done reading an article on Yahoo about the shooter. After I read the shooter was from South Korea I just thought, "Ahh fuck." Because now I will have to go through what the Japanese went through during the second world war and what Middle Eastern people are going through now. I am going to be on the receiving end American prejudice. I am taking an American History course this semester and I've read many stories about what happened to the blacks, the Jews, and the Japanese and every time I read those stories my blood would boil because the treatment they received was totally unfair. Well now I need to be ready to be treated like that and it is scary. I feel like I've lived a decent life so far, I haven't done anything so bad that someone could consider me immoral immediately. Now what if I am sent off to concentration camps? I did nothing wrong. It is scary to think that something that scary is so close to me right now. Would anyone on the outside stand up for me? Probably not because my family would be in the same position as I am and those are the only people who would fight for me. After the main article on Yahoo, there is an article out of Korea asking people in the U.S not to blame all South Koreans for the incident. I hope people take that message to heart.
I read the main article about the shooter and it just pissed me the fuck off. I will copy and paste it on here but I'll give a quick overview of what I read. The headline to the link is "He was a loner" and the article continues about how it is hard to dig up information about him because no one really knew him. Then the article goes on to talk about how police currently has no idea and are confused about what his motive was. Are you fucking dumb? How can the media and America but that fucking stupid? Just from reading that one article, I can think of a big reason why he did it.

"BLACKSBURG, Va. - The gunman suspected of carrying out the Virginia Tech massacre that left 33 people dead was identified Tuesday as a senior English major from
South Korea. But police and university officials offered no clue to his motive.

"He was a loner, and we're having difficulty finding information about him," school spokesman Larry Hincker said, a day after the deadliest shooting rampage in modern U.S. history.

The rampage consisted of two attacks, more than two hours apart — first at a dormitory, where two people were killed, then inside a classroom building, where 31 people, including the gunman, died after being locked inside, Virginia State Police said. The gunman committed suicide."

The human soul is a fragile thing. It needs to be loved. Yes the gunner made a decision and he carried the acts of violence, but a part of me doesn't blame him. I blame us and I blame me. Ya sure there is probably no way I could have talked to him since I am in Minnesota and he is Virgina, but still. What if I would have friended more randoms on Myspace and talked to them and given them someone to talk to? What if one of those randoms were him? Some people would argue, "You only say all this because you're Korean." I say to those people blow my right nut then my left. One of the first details the article gives is that he is from South Korea. Is that such a big deal? Even when a black person does something to get on the news they always say, "30 year old black man killed 5 people. The black man lived in Compton. He was the father of 3 black children. He was black." You never hear, "White man kills 3 students." I don't mean to sound racist, and I know this is how our society is set up, but does it seem unfair to other people too?
Enough about that, I don't want to get into to much trouble. Tee hee!

This past weekend I probably took like 10 showers in like 3 days. To much. I am kind of ashamed.

I'll go over my weekend quick.
On Friday I went out and ate with my Mom then she dropped me off at school. After class Peter picked me up and then went to work since he was called in. After we dropped our stuff off we went to the park to play some basketball. Joe met up with us and we started out with some 21. There was another group of guys there and they asked us if we wanted to play 4 on 4. They were a new group and Jon decided to label them the "Fegros." We played two games with the "fegros" and we won one and lost one. We should have been able to dominate both games easily but managed to lose one and play another close game. It is frustrating knowing that we underachieved. There are so many things I wish I would have done differently but thats how I feel after everything. I tend to put the weight of the team on shoulders but thats okay. After the game Joe told me that I dissect my game to much and he is right, but I think thats what makes me improve. After basketball we went out got some shopping done then went to Applebees.
On Saturday I got home from church early which was nice since we had a whole day planed out. Our plan was to go out and get some more shopping done, come home and play some basketball or football, then go over to my place and play on the karaoke machine, then to LAN gears of war, play some melee, then watch a movie. We failed. We started out by going to Best Buy and Music Go Round. I need to pick up some X-box gear and I am looking for a musical keyboard. After we got everyone and played some more basketball. Was a good old time and we ended up playing until about 9. After everyone was hungry we went to Applebees again. Applebees has lost much of its magic and I just don't get excited to go anymore, but Saturday night was like old times. The food was great and the conversation was one of the best we ever had. Everyone had input and for the most part when people talked it didn't hurt the conversation. We talked a lot about politics, society, human nature, and just more philosophical stuff. We went around the table and got where everyone stands politically and we all shared a bunch of good information. Lately I've been studying why our conversations haven't been so good and I've been studying the people. I think certain groups of people make for good conversations and certain people kill the chats. Red and Sat joined us on Saturday night and I think they had a lot of good things to say and really helped our chat. One thing I still dislike is how Mitch pulls me into personal conversations when there is a great group debate going on. I always tell him to share it with the table then he always refuses like he is embarrassed or something. I really wish he wouldn't pull me into those one on one conversations because I'm not mean enough deny him, but I really don't want to miss the big talk. One thing I noticed is if I don't start the snowball, no conversations form. Its up to me to bring up a topic. Then there are some people who help me add to the snowball and then I've noticed there are some people who stomp the snowball. I am pretty excited for our next applebees visit, but I just hope it works out and is as good as Saturdays trip.

Alright, this blog feels really long. The End.