Justin Satterberg

Just a quick blog because I was shaking from not having blogged for more the 24 hours haha, just kidding. I'm not a freak. I sometimes wish there was a blog machine attached to my head at all times, so I can just steam my thoughts onto a blog. There is so many things I think of that I promise I'm going to blog about but forget about.

Here is a quote I just read from someones facebook profile:
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."- Marilyn Monroe
In the past I would normally just tell myself that it's bullshit and selfish, but now I think those are words of wisdom. Only when you experience pain does it make sense not to try and be perfect. When you try to help others, only you lose. But sometimes, it's still worth it to me, maybe someday, somehow, I can change the world a little.

Here is something I just read out of a Christian youth group book which is actually a very good spiritual read. "...thats not to say that you shouldn't trust your close friends, but you shouldn't become so wrapped up in any one person that your entire well-being depends on their friendship." So even the bible teaches you that being a dedicated friend will only lead to trouble. That is exactly my problem, all my energy goes into keeping relationships healthy, and when it fails, I fail. Is this the same theory I should live by when it comes to women? I always imagined my wife being someone I would invest my whole soul into, my whole life, my whole being. Being bound my marriage means love forever right? Now that I just wrote that out, I think no. Marriage is just a legal bond isn't it? I should really be asking, does being bound by love mean that you are bound together forever? I used to think so, but maybe I need to rediscover what love really means. Love like communication works so much better when it is two ways. I think I have been driving down one way lane.

Yesterday I got home early and I went down to the park and played some basketball with Dick and Jon. It was lots of fun and I really want to get into basketball again soon. Dick won the game of 21 then Jon and I played some one on one. I won the first game, Jon the second and then I won the tie breaker. I wanted to test myself because a few months ago Dean and I played at the Rec Center and I beat him off sheer will. I made up my mind I wasn't going to lose and I pushed myself. I tested my will against Jon and again I came out on top. My determination is something I take a lot of pride in. I think the best comes out of me when I am competing. Some people might think I'm crazy when they see me compete, but I just think they don't understand. Everyone should be driven, everyone should challenge their selves. I think people don't understand me because they aren't driven, people want things to be easy and given to them. I hate to bring this into play again, but again with the pills. People want a quick solution. Thats the world we live in. When I was younger, I thought maybe I was a little crazy for getting furious when playing sports, I no longer I think that. I think people who don't show that emotion are weak.

Fuck, I had something important I wanted to follow up with but I got caught up and forgot what I wanted to talk about. Oh well. I've had a lot of alone time lately and I've been playing the guitar non-stop. My finger tips are really raw and I cut them on something today so it hurts to play, but the guitar has been so kind to me lately. I actually came up with 3 or 4 guitar parts and I am excited to see what I can make of them. I got some musical ideas building up and I really want to express them. Oh, I haven't made a big deal of the Early November concert yet! But this coming Wednesday I am going to the last Minnesota Early November show. I can't believe they are calling it quits. Such an amazing band, I hope they come back together in the future. They aren't playing with anyone I know, but this could be their last show, I have to go. The timing couldn't be any better. Concerts are like a spiritual cleansing to me and I need to be refreshed after all the stuff that has been going on. I think after Wednesday, I will feel a lot better and I think I will be over all of this shit. BUT, I do think come Wednesday, I won't be the same person. I think my "light" has been darkened and my view on the world and people have been tainted. I don't expect me to be the same person. Much more defensive.

I just watched my first episode of Weeds and I'm probably going to go smash another one out right now.