Jesus! (Just Kidding)

It sure has been a long time since I got my Charles Dickens on. My life has been so busy, and by busy I mean not busy at all. Basically my days consist of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare2 and work. It's a pretty sad life, but I don't have any good alternatives. Since Modern Warfare 2 has been released a full 49 days ago, a whole 7 of those days has been dedicated to Modern Warfare 2. That's 168 hours of Modern Warfare in 1176 hours of life. I actually hit the 7 day mark earlier today. I'm not proud of that fact.

Although it might not seem like it, I have actually been partaking in other activities. I completed another wedding project last week, and I've been bouncing e-mails trying to get a job in Korea. I really hope things work out, because my life really needs a change of scenery and something to challenge me as a human being. Thinking about being away from home for a full year without being able to visit on the weekends is a frightening thought, but something I think I need. I'm going to be 23 years of age next week, and I think I need something to push me forward. I think when I get settled in Korea, I will really enjoy my time there. I would bet that I'd stay there for two years. When I come back home, I hope to continue with school. As of right now, I think being a sociology professor at the U of M would be a really cool job. I hate thinking about the future, 'cause my brain starts to hurt and I just get scared. I'll just take it slowly and cautiously.

I have been going to this new church in Minnetonka that I have enjoyed very much so far. The youth group teacher there is very open minded and fair and I have learned a lot from that class. Going to that church made me realize that I really enjoy meeting new people and that I am comfortable around anybody. Something about being able to hold my own intellectually gives me the confidence to approach new people without fear. Another reason I think I will enjoy my experience in Korea. I'm going to pretty much have to make acquaintance with everyone I run into. The exception being the few family members I have in Korea. This new church makes me want to visit other churches. My short time at the Minnetonka church has really progressed my search for an "answer." I think I'm pretty much settled that there is no God. It's ridiculous to think there is an invisible space man, that watches over all of us and controls everything that occurs in our lives. When I was a little kid, I used to think Santa Claus existed, then I learned that one would have to be insane to continue to think he existed. It took me a little bit longer to figure this out about God, but anyone who thinks he exists has to be crazy. However, my thought has shifted from the existence of God, to thinking about if religion can actually be a good thing. Is it worth having the world live a lie, if it can bring good? Are we focusing on the extremes of religion so much, that we miss the good things? That is an answer I am seeking now.

I'd be playing Modern Warfare 2 right now, if it wasn't for Richard. If feels kind of stupid having two X-Boxes in one house, but it might happen in our house. Splitting one X-Box has been a chore.
Anywho, time for bed. I've been reading The God Delusion every night before bed this week. At this rate, I'll be done with the book sometime next year.

Night!

Don't Get Pulled Down

I'm tired, so I'll have to keep this short. I haven't written in a while, but I've actually been pretty busy doing video work.
My sleep was all thrown off today. Sunday night/Monday morning, I captured footage from Chris and Amy's wedding until about 4 in the morning while I still had the GL2 to use as the VTR. Then I woke up at about 9:30 to return the camera. I then came home and went back to bed for a couple of hours.

I think on the way to Cinequipt, I saw a domestic abuse case. There was a black Suburban at the end of a drive way and man swinging his arms at the ground. I wasn't sure what he was doing, but as I was driving by, I swear a women rolled over and tried standing up after the man stopped. I told myself I'm running off zero sleep and I'm seeing shit.

So President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize a couple of weeks ago (the same day we bombed the moon). I was really confused as to why he won the prize because he hasn't really done anything. He is still fighting Bush's wars, still torturing, and hasn't done anything he has promised. When the conservatives we criticizing Obama 2 days into his term for not doing enough, I thought it was too early to tell. However, pretty soon, that excuse won't be good enough, so he better get his shit together. Of course, it's not all his fault. Our government has its checks and balances (kind of, Bush fucked so much shit up and made up so many new laws to allow the president more power) so sometimes his ideas don't always get through. Regardless, he still shouldn't have won the prize.
I was confused so I started reading some blogs to see what other people thought. There are a lot of reasons why people think Obama won the prize. None of them are really firm reasons, but I thought they made sense. Some thought maybe it was because Obama was such a fresh breath from Bush. That with Bush and Cheney, nothing could get achieved at an international level. Bush and Cheney were fucking awful, and you idiots that could vote back then elected those fucking idiots for two terms. So, some feel this is the world slapping Bush in the face. And I say, fucking good. Other people though it might be to give Obama a push to actually get shit done. Now that he has the prize, there is a spot light on him. People are going to keep a closer eye on him.
Remember, the nominations were in February. I heard Obama did more peace related topics before he was president and around the time of the nominations, people around the world were just so glad Bush was gone.
Still, he shouldn't have won it.

Now I'm going to bed, because I'm really fucking tired.
What a waste of a blog.

Argh

I was trying to think of a meaningful title for this blog, but couldn't come up with anything. Shows you how creative I am.

I just finished watching a Korean flick called Treeless Mountain. Not the most amazing thing I've ever seen, but it was a decent watch. I think I suck a watching realist films because I have been struggling with those lately. Realist films tend to be a little slower than I like, but if done right, it can really expose life like only cinema can. I don't think I've seen/heard as much off screen dialogue in a film as I did in Treeless Mountain. I think this film was a bit better for me being that it is a Korean movie. I hated to sub-titles as I thought the translations were awful. It's a good thing I understand Korean better than I can speak/write/read it. I think watching more Korean movies will help my Korean develop. I can't wait to visit Korea again and see my aunts, uncles, cousins, but I really want to see my grandmother. The grandmother in the movie really reminded me of my own. I doubt I will be able to engage in a meaningful conversation with my grandmother, just basic yes or no answers responses to her questions, but there is a bond between family I just can't articulate. Just being around makes me feel infinitely safer/comfortable. I wondered during the movie what life might have been if my parents chose to stay in Korea. There is nothing I can think of in America that I am so attached to that I couldn't give up. Everything would be an easy sacrifice to be able to send my parents to their home, where family is, where people speak their language, where they wouldn't have to second guess cultural standards. I don't have many friends here, I seem not to fit in very well, I can't seem to find my inner capitalist to take advantage of opportunities. I'm not saying Korea would be a better fit, but I wonder sometimes. I'm sure when I'm there, I'll want to be here, and while I'm here, I want to be there. Koreans are probably still a bit more conservative and that doesn't fit me too well. Argh, I meant to write about my grandmother, but got derailed a bit. And now I've actually used my title in my blog. An act of god, I'm assuming.

For the past few days I've really wanted to visit Europe. I don't know why I got the sudden urge, but I just want see a new group of people. Something not American. If only I had the funds.

I've been wanting to do some album reviews since I've been getting a lot of music listening done. I've been listening to a lot of Between The Trees (although I've worn them out a bit now), the brand new Brand New, Paramore, Lights, with a little Saosin and The Used mixed in. The new Paramore I think is a step above Riot!, but I don't think will be as popular. You never know though, their momentum from Riot! might carry the album. Riot! was a singles gold mine, but the overall record was pretty weak. I think this is where Brand New Eyes improves most, although it still isn't a very complete album. Right now my two favorite songs are Misguided Ghosts and The Only Exception. I think the softer more acoustic songs from Paramore are amazing. I haven't gotten enough listens yet, but I think the new Lights album might actually be better than the new Paramore. I really wasn't expecting anything from Lights, but there is some really good moments on that album. I think Pretend is a must listen!

While I'm talking about the scene a little bit, I had a random fashion thought the other day. Yes, fashion, my estrogen runs heavier than most men. It seems to me that a good pair of jeans, preferably of the skinny group, will most likely forgive a bad top. You could put almost anything on top and have a good pair of skinnys and still look good. Of course throw in a pair of good flats.

I don't really know much about Hinduism, but I was thinking the other day on the way to work, if the single Christian god (well, even though he exists in the forms. Yeah, pretty dumb) can piss me off this much, how angry would I be if I learned about all 836.5 Hindu gods? Okay, I made that number up, but I've heard they got a handful. One religion I do want to learn a little about is Buddhism. I've heard some things about Buddhism that really interested me. I heard that Buddha once said that if anyone meets him, they should kill him because no one should be idolized. That's some real shit.

When I was young, I learned that sharing was a good thing and that greed should be checked. I thought about that childhood lesson because I was wondering when the word "socialist" became such a toxic word. I don't think socialism is the answer to everything. I don't think socialism is the answer to everything. I thought I'd write that twice before people hated me for being a communist. But, in a way, isn't socialism the same a sharing? And isn't capitalism, in a sense, an enabler of greed? I think both has shortcomings, and both has benefits, but I'm confused as to when capitalism was the best idea ever, and when socialist became the most dangerous. There are some things I think we need to help each other on and shared, and there are some things that should be fought for. I think a little balance is needed. I have community ideas for certain things, and I am capitalistic about certain things. For example, when I play sports, I attack the weakness of the other team. I find a wound and I keep digging at it. But outside the sports realm, I enjoy helping people. I was thinking (I guess I was thinking a lot lately) about why I support gays so much. I have no idea why I do and I only seem to get into trouble for doing it. I am not personally gay, and I don't know any gays (well, at least none out of the closet). Why do I stick up for these people? My main point is, somewhere, somehow, the meanings of these words got twisted and spun around. Socialism is now such an evil word for what is at the core a generous idea.

I learned something about my dad the other day that I never knew (is that sentence redundant? If I learned something, how could I have known about it before?). My mom told me that my dad has been donating money for cancer research for many years now. I thought my dad was the stingiest man ever, but I don't know if I think that anymore. When ever my bother, my sister, and I wanted things when we were young, we went to my mother because we knew my father would never give in and get us the desired item. I was confused as to why my dad was so generous with other people, but was tough on us. I think he was just trying to teach us to work for everything we get. My uncle died from cancer this past spring, so I wonder if my dad will up his ante a bit. I noticed my dad is very generous with students as well. When ever students show up at our door during the summers with a product in hopes to save enough money for a semester, my dad always seems to help them out. Recently he has just been giving them money and doesn't even accept the product. The latest occurrence I witnessed was this summer when a student was selling popcorn. He was selling popcorn for a $1 each. My dad gave him $5 and didn't even take any popcorn. I gave my dad some shit afterward because I wanted some popcorn, but I now understand what he did was very generous.

I've noticed I have a lot more conservative friends. Which makes sense, I have lived in Plymouth for the last 10 years. However, I've also noticed that my friends who consider themselves conservatives, are more liberal, at least socially. They didn't specify what parts of their lives they consider themselves conservative, so I just assumed generally. However, I think socially I am more conservative than most these people. Politics and economic doctrines aside. I think society should be liberal, but the individual should be conservative, but maybe that's just me. I don't think I should have control over what other people do. I do not drink, run around with my ass exposed, or go to clubs and get my freak on. The craziest I get is rock shows and swearing, a lot. So maybe not too conservative, but at least I don't have it backwards. Many of the people I know live freely, but seem not to want other people to have the same freedoms. I guess this is where I get confused a little.

I thought about what a classmate said about one of my videos I made last semester when we were critiquing my video. My classmate told me that it seems like I am willing to take risks with the narrative and cinematography that many people are not willing to take. Very non-Hollywood he said. He very much appreciated my willingness to avoid what is standard and popular. His words have stuck with me and have been giving me strength lately. I very much feel like I'm in the minority on most things, but that's okay. I just see things differently and I'm willing to take the hard road if I have to.

Bloody Nose

Really just writing to fulfill my promise to myself that I'd write these more frequently.

So I've been trying these little personal experiments lately, and I'm finding them very interesting. I've been running with the more "militant atheism" approach lately. Not really my style, but I found it to be cool. It seems to piss a lot of people off, but maybe they shouldn't be so damn religious. I heard a writer put it really nicely the other day and called religion a social disorder. One side is able to exert more pressure than the other side. I think every time I deal with Christians, I become more and more of an atheist. They are really an interesting bunch. A little delusional, but interesting. I'm just trying to promote a little doubt. I only know a couple of things for certain, but the biggest thing I know is, I know nothing. I know that most of us know nothing, so it does upset me when people act like they know. I think the next little experiment I'm going to try is lying. Try lying a little bit. Tell some fake stories, say I did something when I didn't. Just see where it takes me.

It seems that I've been trying to find a little motivation in life lately. I keep asking myself what the point of life is. I've been feeling a little unfulfilled lately. My life really doesn't have a lot of momentum. I wake up, surf the interweb, edit videos, go to work, and then come home and sit around. It was Dawson's birthday last week, and I couldn't really think of anything interesting to do. We went and watched Jennifer's Body. It's sad when Jennifer's Body is the most interesting thing I could come up with for my friend's birthday. I guess people my age are usually out getting drunk, but that is just not a scene I can get into. I think that is a culture I really will never understand, and something I don't think I want to understand. Drinking/binge drinking seems like an absolutely ridiculous act to me. I guess being strait edge and not exactly enjoying the company of drunks cuts about 90% of social activities for people my age. Maybe a little wine? That shit is suppose to be good in small amounts, right? I think it was about a year ago, I told myself I am going to try and cut out all the useless people in my life. I think I did a good job dumping this weight. It turns out there is only about 3 people (minus my family) that I can really trust. Good friends of mine, but even friendship is a risky relationship. Many years ago I learned that the level of "love" in friendships is only as good as the amount of "goods" I have to offer. It's kind of a business. There is a song by Anberlin called, "Never Take Friendship Personal," and I live by that because I know friends come and go. Maybe other people have relationships with friends that aren't like this, but I kind of doubt it. They just haven't realized it. This all sounds bad, but that is because we have made it out that way. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I guess I just wanted to put out there that I'm searching. Searching for something to hold on to. Grab, never let go and just keep running. And running. And running. Until my legs give out, until I just fall over, and go to sleep.

My Ideas Will Get Me Killed

So, I just got done with an epic Facebook argument. Where would we be without the internet? Haha, people are so touchy about religion. I only wish religion didn't exist so we wouldn't have to debate how shitty it is. I can't believe that there are people that still think this way in the 21st century. I'm glad Obama is promoting education, 'cause people need it. Get over your arrogant ideas.

But I digress from what I really wanted to write about.
So, it looks like I might have gotten a chance to teach English in Korea sooner than I might have wanted. It sounds like a truly great opportunity. But, I learned today that it is through the Seventh Day Adventist church. Total bummer! The professor wrote in the e-mail, "So teachers are expected to be very pious in his or her faith." Fuck my life. If I have to go to church or promote the life of Jesus Christ while I'm trying to teach English, Korea's suicide rate might take a jump. I can't lie to myself or to others. I was raised to tell the truth and I agree that it is truly the best way. I always speak the realest shit (can I say that in the same blog where I challenge the intellect of people?). Some people might not like it, but that's too bad. I'm not afraid of the truth. Yes, the truth is scary, but that doesn't mean we should run away from it. Why the hell is the world so religious? Why can't Richard Dawkins just rule over the world?
Ughhh...religion just won't leave me alone.

Far Away Yesterday

If George Bush did one good thing for our country, it is that he politically charged many people. He may have polarized many people, but he helped us understand that if we elect dumb people to represent us, dumb things happen. This is probably why Sarah Palin didn't get elected. McCain's biggest mistake was picking that loony-toon.

Above I state that politicians are elected to represent us, the people. This doesn't seem to be happening. I think people forget that we elected them to push what we want to happen. We call our president our leader, and yes, that is a fair term, but he (and hopefully a her, soon) works for us and not the other way around. Remember that, they are our pawns.
And why hasn't Joe Wilson gotten his ass beat yet? If you search Joe Wilson in Google, the first two sites that pop up are sites that support him. Who the fuck made those websites? Can conservatives actually defend him?

Ron Paul is still a republican. That is the best dude the g.o.p has and they rarely use his name. Instead Sarah Palin and Joe Wilson are their mascots.

Remember when Obama kept Bush's Patriot Act? That still angers me that he kept that. Those republicans sure know how to use their words. What is patriotic about the Patriot Act? Remember this, Obama says he will get us out of Iraq by August 31, 2010. So really, September 2010. I was hoping that it might be a little sooner, but make sure he keeps at least that deadline. Or else...lynch him? Oh shit, too soon.

If God Told You To...

If god told you to kill your mom, your dad, your siblings and your child, would you do it?
If you consider yourself a christian and you say no, they you're not actually a christian. If you say yes, then stay the hell away from me because you're fucking crazy. Either way, religion loses.

I wonder if republicans and conservatives feel weird when Viagra or Cialis commercials come on? They seem to be freaked out over the topic of sex. Grown ass people who feel like sex is the worst thing in the whole entire world. I remember when I was uncomfortable when someone mentioned sex...I was in the third grade. Then I was educated and learned it was a normal thing. Then I went home and jacked off.

One Of Us Died Tonight, Somebody Knows.

So I just started watching Obama's speech about American students on Youtube and I just noticed reoccurring feelings I get every time he gives a speech. The first feeling I always get is excitement. I always think to myself, "this dude is going to say something really good that'll inspire a lot of people." That feeling and thought is quickly pushed aside when ever the camera cuts to the strait forward angle that most speeches are captured with. Then my mood changes to fear and I think to myself, "Shit, this dude is going to get assassinated this time."

Was anyone scared that Bush might get assassinated? Thought never crossed my mind.

Eat, Sleep, Fuck, and Repeat.

In my previous blog, I stated I wanted to write more blogs, and well hot damn, I'm going to get off to a good start.

I think people who say violent video games make our youth more violent are pussies. Pussies and fucking dumb. When I feel violent and aggressive, I channel those emotions through healthy mediums. Lately, I've been playing more Gears of War2 and Call of Duty (the only Call of Duty that fucking matters until Call of Duty 2 comes out [I am going to refer to Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 as Call of Duty 2 from now on]). I also listen to music which helps me vent some of that inner rage. Violent video games to me are cathartic, not harmful. But, everyone is different.

I have joined that large pool of uninsured Americans. My student status has officially expired and I am no longer eligible to remain on my father's health insurance plan. I feel like my arguments for health care reform would be stronger if I wasn't a victim, but now I am a victim needing help. I never fought for reform before because I needed it, I fought for it before because I felt it was the right thing. People deserve to live calm, peaceful lives. What we have now is bull shit, absolute bull shit. I guess we are all playing the waiting game now. If these pussy ass democrats could actually get their shit together and pass something, that'd be kind of nice. Hey democrats, drop your dildos and get to fucking work. That is the problem with the democrats, they are too "open minded" and too many of them are pussies. Just get it done, that is what Bush did and now it is your turn to fuck up the country. Republicans have their shit together. When they have the power, they all move forward (or backwards?). They all agree on something, and push it as hard as they can. Even if they push us all the wrong way and into the shitter, they push. The republicans don't care about compromise, they don't care about the consequences, they just push and push and push. Stop compromising you stupid fucking democrats! The republicans are fucking crazy! Don't listen to them. Don't believe me? Look up Sarah Palin. Every time someone mentions something pro-republican, I will simply point to Sarah Palin. Palin and her history of goofs will be my support. Anytime someone says something pro-democrat, I will call them a pussy. When are these politicians ever going to do something for the people? You are public servants. Obama is coming out with this press conference or whatever where he is going to speak directly to our youth. He is going to explain the importance education. The conservatives already are complaining that he is going to attempt to brainwash the children. Please, shut the fuck up!

I was part of bush's "no child left behind" promise. I feel retarded just being part of that.

Anyone been listening to this Rachel Maddow? She is fucking brilliant! If only she wasn't a butch lesbian.

How come when Harry Potter uses magic, it is considered "witchcraft" to the Christian and the crazy right, but when Jesus uses magic the acts are coined "miracles?" *Sniff, sniff* Does anyone smell that? Yep, it's bull shit and the crazy right talking again (can you smell a group of people talking?!). I can't tell the difference between the Harry Potter bull shit, and the Bible bull shit. Oh right, one has been deemed actual events. The Harry Potter books, right? I think once the people of this world get over religion, we will be better off. We are not that privileged that when we die, we are revived and get to walk golden roads and are fed grapes for sexy ass women. Get over yourself you arrogant human fuck. When we die, we just die. The end. Take care of your body, and you will live a bit longer. The idea of eternal life is truly scary. Look at it this way - if we go to heaven, god is our boss and if we go to hell, satan is our boss. Either way, we are working for someone. Think about the worst boss you have ever had, and thinking about working for that prick for an eternity. Pretty scary huh? Why the hell would you want to work for someone forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever. Makes no sense to me. And think about this, if the devil and god are at war, why would satan torture us when we get to hell? I bet he is trying to build an army strong enough to topple god's kingdom. If anything, I bet he would take care of us and train us so he can finish off that dude god, once and for all. But the Bible teaches us that the devil is a super bad dude. Oh but that's right, the Bible is written from god's point of view. Why would he say anything good about the devil? That is like Bill O'reilly writing a book praising the democrats. It wouldn't happen. At least the devil didn't go tooting his own horn writing gossip about god. So far, the devil seems like a cooler dude than god. But where did I learn about the devil? Oh right, the Bible again. So he probably doesn't exit. If I ever own a book store, I am putting the Bible in the fiction section. Right next to Harry Potter. That'll piss a lot of people off. Probably because it'll make them wonder why the hell a book that starts with B is next to a book that starts with H.

One last topic before I go read 1984 and get some shut eye. Is anyone else glad to see Pfizer get raped by the long dick of the law? The same dick they sucked off so many times to become so fucking rich. $2.3 billion is the sum I saw. That is rape. Pfizer was asked to bend over and when they declined, they were forced to the ground. Begging for mercy, Pfizer took the dick in the ass. (I should start writing porn). I was thinking a couple months ago, and I pissed the fuck off that D.A.R.E lied to me when I was in the 4th grade. D.A.R.E taught me when I was in elementary school that were bad drugs, and good drugs. Get those fucking lies the fuck out of here. There is no such thing as "good drugs." They are all bad for our human bodies. None of that garbage needs to be in our body. You have a headache? Well, that is your body reacting to something it doesn't like. It is your job to find what is causing that reaction. By taking a little pill, you are just covering up the symptoms, not curing the cause. Americans will work harder to cover up symptoms, when they should be attacking the cause. Lazy, fat Americans. It is so easy to just take a poisonous pill, but it takes a little work to understand your body. It is your body, take some time to learn it. I don't take any pills, ever. Now, I think if it is life and death, the choice is obvious. You can either die, or take a poison pill and live. If that is the case, take the poison pill. I think I know why we are all so dumb. Because we take so many damn pills and we are just walking zombies. These chemicals have taken over our bodies. We are slaves to these chemicals, only vessels. I think we should legalize Marijuana because it would be the only fair thing to do. If these companies can sell these pills and make billions of dollars, Marijuana should have an equal chance. I don't smoke, nor do I drink. The legalization of marijuana wouldn't benefit me in the slightest. I just hate to see these stupid laws be so unfair. If it were up to me, cigarettes would be eliminated, alcohol would be eliminated, and all these stupid drugs would be gone. But I understand how successful prohibition was and I know this would never work. So we need to keep these things and if that is the case, everything should have an equal chance. We just need to teach people these things are not good for your body. What we should do is tax the shit out of these products. How much do cigarettes cost these days? In Minnesota, the cigarette tax is $1.05 per pack, and the tax on beer is .15 cents per gallon. Fuck that, tax the shit out of booze. These are things we don't need. I don't hear anyone talking about increasing the tax on booze.

Anywho, I'm actually a nice guy (I think).

Remove The Blood Stains From Your Walls

I don't have anything to write about, which is too often the case for me these days. I remember when I used to write every day. But those were days when I had to vent endlessly. I am hoping in September, I can write more of these blogs, I can read more, I can film and edit more, and I also want to get back to writing some music. I can feel these sparks of creativity inside me, and they want to be more than just sparks. I guess I need a slight push forward. On top of this, I want to get into photography, but hot damn, cameras do not come cheap.

I read there is a Ted Kennedy memoir coming out soon. I bet that would be an interesting read. Right now, I want to read George Orwell's 1984. I'm on page 5 right now. I have trouble reading fiction because while reading, I always try to paint a picture to what I'm reading. It ends up that my eyes are still reading, but my mind is painting a visual. What color is the wall? What is the temperature? Maybe that is why I am into motion pictures. I suck at reading fiction and it isn't because of that fake, made up thing called A.D.D.

Does anyone else enjoy this Michael Bay and Megan Fox feud? Did anyone catch Inglorious Basterds? More importantly, has anyone seen Food, Inc?! I want to see that so badly.

Everyone should check out "The Black Swan" by Story of the Year. Solid, solid record. There was a time when everyone believed Story of the Year was done. I went back and listened to their second album, and yes, those assumptions seemed just. But boy oh boy, did they come back with The Black Swan. I read they are recording now, and I can tell you right now, this little man is looking forward to it. I've always been listening to a lot of Emery, Between The Trees, and I just got my hands on the new The Used. This fall has a pallet full of new records coming out, so my new MP3 will be put to good use.

Suck it.

The Final Countdown

Just last night I watched an Oliver Stone and Bill Maher interview where Mr. Stone stated that America no longer has journalists. Journalists today are just a pawn of the government. Too afraid to speak to truth.

Then Keith Olbermann had his amazing episode on August 3rd. Calling out specific elected officials and their failures. Mr. Olbermann spoke for the people with no fear, delivering actual news. None of that Michael Jackson bull shit. If we had more people delivering news like Olbermann, people might actually know what is going on in this world. Olbermann called out both republicans and democrats. A politician is a politician no matter what brand they have stamped on their stupid heads. I have an amazing amount of respect for Mr. Olbermann. He called out for these lame elected officials to finally start working for the people and not these large companies. He also requested that the people start acting. Everyone should check out what this man has to say. The only thing I fear now is that someone will assassinate him. We all know how much those crazy republicans love their guns.

Bless Keith Olbermann!

WARPED TOUR 2009!

Sometimes I hear things. I hear things that sometimes makes my goose pimples rise, that sends a shock through my system, that get my hormones pumping. I hear music.

The highlight of my summer has come and is now gone. I am officially one day closer until Warped Tour 2010 comes to Minnesota. This blog might be a little early to start writing about how excited I am for Warped Tour 2010, so I will use most of this space to write about how amazing Warped Tour 2009 was. Warped Tour 2009 was kind of awesome. Just a little bit. The sun burn and pain I feel in my body right doesn't equal the amount of happiness Warped Tour brings me. A day full of music and culture. A day when I can completely ignore the world and just let music sink into me. A day when it doesn't matter how stupid I look and how stupid I act. If there is a heaven (and let me assure you now, there isn't a heaven) Warped Tour is the closest thing to it (at least for me). Some people claim to "like/love music" because it is "cool" to like music. I wouldn't say that is a false statement, music is indeed very cool. Music isn't just a bunch of noise that convey a message and make us feel things. Music is also fashion, culture, history, stories, etc. Music should mean much more in our world, but this meaning seems to get lost and is often traded in for what is "cool." Music to me is a life force. Music helped me through the hardest and darkest times of my life. I don't think I was ever close to be suicidal, but it would be fair to say music kept me afloat. Music was, and still is, by my side ready to take on the world with me. Music is also there during the happiest days of my life. If there is a group that appreciates music, I'd like to think I deserve a spot in that group.

The day I knew music was woven in my soul was at an Underoath headliner. That night was the closest thing I came to a supernatural/out of body experience. I don't know what song Underoath was playing, but it was so intense, it was so inviting, it was so clear and beautiful. During that song, I lost complete control of my body. I literally froze and had no control over my body. I could think and talk to myself, but I couldn't command my body to move. Shortly after I lost control over my body, I started crying out of no where. I have no idea why. But, I knew from that moment, I would forever be passionate about music.

I didn't have any body versus soul experiences at Warped, but I did have an overload of fun. The day started out with our usual breakfast at McDonald's then we hit the road. What we didn't expect was the amount of traffic on 169. One of my biggest fears is missing an important 11:00 set. My heart nearly imploded when we were still a while off, and 11:00 was near. When we got to Warped, there were massive lines like usual. We had to first find the will-call tent so that I could receive my free tickets from Warner Bros. Records. My tickets were there, but Richard's tickets he won through the John Lennon Education Foundation were a bit more difficult to track down. Eventually we got all our free tickets and got the whole crew together. It must have been at least 11:30 when we got into the venue. Naturally my first instinct is to speed walk my ass over to the mecca of Warped. When I looked to the top left corner of that giant red balloon, my heart sank about 16 yards. Devil Wears Parda was the first band on the main stage. "2 years in a row!?" I thought to myself because I had missed their set last year. However, I looked at the time next to the Velcro T.D.W.P label and saw that the first set on the main stage hadn't started yet. Thank the lord! This year Warped only used one main stage instead of two so the first band played a bit later. We had about 10 minutes until T.D.W.P hit the stage so we planned out route quickly. Main stage...Hurley stage...Hurley.com stage...Smartpunk stage...main stage...break. Warped 2009 would start quickly and would show no mercy.

I joked before Warped about badly we would be drained if Warped started with Underoath and Devil Wears Prada. Well, 1/2 of that joke came true as we started with The Devil Wears Prada. This would be the first T.D.W.P set I attended after the release of their new album. I don't think it was good for me to start off so quickly and aggressively. I always tell myself before concerts, "take it easy, pace yourself," but when that music hits me, I lose all control. They came in to the Mortal Kombat theme and I could feel all the juices in my body flowing. When the music started, it was all out hell. T.D.W.P sounds like T.D.W.P for the most part when they perform live. One difference I always notice is that it is much easier to hear the keyboard on their record. Which is the opposite for Underoath. Since T.D.W.P played so early, I had plenty of room to move around and act like a complete fool. My friends told me after Warped that there were some members of the crowd that laughed at my "dancing." Which is fine with me. I'm not at Warped to impress people, haha. I wish some of the people I went with knew more of the songs because they really are a fun live band. We didn't get to finish their set (most likely left a song early) because Scary Kids Scaring Kids overlapped.

We sprinted over to the Hurley stage and when we got there Scary Kids Scaring Kids were already mid-song. Dean and I snaked through the shell of the crowd so that we could get into where the party really happens. The Scary Kids crowd was much more calm compared to the T.D.W.P crowd. I was actually surprised. T.D.W.P had a bigger stage, but I thought a Scary Kids crowd would have an equal amount of energy for its size. This all just meant that we would have to get the people around us more into the energy of the songs. The vocal mic was a little low in the mix, but Scary Kids sounded very good. They did a good job of mixing new songs, old songs, softer songs, harder songs and gave their set a diverse feel. Scary Kids requested a "wall of death" (which I hate). Dean and Jon seemed to have some fun with it. Scary Kids ended and it was off to the Hurley.com stage as the end of this set and the start of the Meg&Dia set matched perfectly.

We got to the Hurley.com stage as Dia just started singing. This is only my second time seeing Meg&Dia perform, but the first time was completely boring. I was hoping that this time would be a little different. When we got there, the crowd was spaced out and completely still, which was not a very good indicator that this was going to be a very fun crowd. I'm not for crazy pushing, crowd surfers, but I am for a little crowd movement. A little dancing. It doesn't seem right when there is about a foot of space between me and the next person. The first time I saw Meg&Dia, I think I was the only person in my group that had really checked their music out. This year Dean and Jon joined me so I had at least 2 other people to feed of off. They made the Meg&Dia set 100% more entertaining. The people we were around didn't seem to like our moving around and jumping too much, but they can suck a dick. Dean and I have had many friendly debates debating whether Carlo or Meg is playing the guitar solos. Dean officially earned his Meg&Dia badge mid-way through the Meg&Dia set. What amazed me was the band was able to completely ignore 3 college aged males jumping around and yelling in a sea of 4 foot tall girls. Not even a look, not even a smile of amusement. I don't know if this was a good thing, or bad. If they didn't completely ignore us, they probably would have yelled at us for causing such a scene. I always hear Meg&Dia fans complement the band on how much they sound like their records. I would like to disagree. Some of the parts seem watered down and I Dia doesn't sound nearly as good live. She doesn't sound that amazing on the album. I really appreciate the diversity of their songs and their composition, but they just aren't my favorite live band. The crowd is no good, the songs a much thinner live, and they lack stage presence. Dia is no Hayley Williams. However, I think they are a good band to have on Warped. It is a very good mix up, and I needed a break before we headed over to Senses Fail. Plus, Meg and Dia (The sisters, not the band) are incredibly attractive. I can't believe my own girl friend didn't even say hi to me in the middle of their set!

Lucky for us, the Hurley.com stage was right next to the Smartpunk stage. I think the band I have seen the most is still Senses Fail, although Underoath is catching up quickly! Coming into Warped, there seemed to be a lot of Senses Fail break up rumors. I actually thought the same. Heath is leaving the band soon, they haven't done much touring, they all seem to have regular jobs, Buddy now has a side project, and their latest effort was about 2 touchdowns weaker than Still Searching (although Still Searching was a near masterpiece). I heard they have a fall tour in the works, but I am still not convinced. I missed the last This Day and Age show, and the last Acceptance show (they announced their break ups after their last tours) so I promised myself if this is the last time I see Senses Fail, it'd be a good one. Senses Fail put on a good show. I don't think they have ever been the best live band and Buddy certainly isn't the greatest singer on this earth, but they have enough passion and energy to make a lot of people happy. The instrumentals are pretty much spot on with the records -- I think. I can't be sure because the way I participate, I feel like I'm not catching everything. Buddy always has some interesting topics to talk about between songs. He reminded us that Brett Favre isn't coming to play for the Vikings (jerk!). But he also had a very good message about the scene becoming a joke. There are so many joke bands out there now because it is so easy to record a decent demo in your basement and create a MySpace profile. As long as your band wears neon skinny jeans, high tops, typical neon band shirt, shutter shades, and a flat brim baseball cap, you are ready to become a scene band. You also can't know how to play actual instruments and need to be completely computer based. Maybe I'm not the one that should judge because I am not good on any instrument. However, that is why I consider playing and instrument a skill, because it is hard and I can't do it. I always joke about making a top 40 album on my keyboard with the samples I have on my computer. That doesn't seem to difficult, but playing a guitar at a high level is something that I am not close to doing. One of the songs I was most excited for was "Family Tradition" (along with "Danger: Wildman" by T.D.W.P) and I was not disappointed. This was the first time I heard any of the songs off L.I.N.A.W.R live and they all sounded good. Hopefully Warped isn't the last time I see Senses Fail.

After Senses Fail it was back to the main stage for Chiodos. We got there in time for a 5 minute breather and then the music started. At this point I'm completely drained. The worst part was Craig had the crowd do all these stunts that made it almost impossible for me to pay attention to the music. At one point he challenged us to beat the world crowd surfing record (apparently held by My Chemical Romance). Many punches were thrown as I absolutely hate crowd surfers. I can handle a few as I understand sometimes that is the best escape route. Especially if I see little girls crowd surfing. I never understand when fat fuckers crowd surf. Why would you do that to us?! I also hate it when I see the same fucker crowd surf more than once. When I do catch someone crowd surf more than once, they will have some sort of mark on their body to remind them not to do it again. A long time ago, I felt bad when I punched someone thinking it was a boy, but it actually turned out to be a girl. It is difficult to tell sometimes since everyone looks like a girl in a Chiodos crowd (except for the prog type emo). Now, everyone just gets punched with out any sympathy. Well, some sympathy. If I didn't show sympathy, there would be a poor individual in the hospital right now getting work done on his male genitalia. When surfers are hanging right in front of me, is when they get it the worst. After the song, Craig said that there would be no more crowd surfing for the rest of their set. A few songs later, he had us do a wall of death for "Best Friends". Chiodos sounded very good, it was just hard to pay attention to them with all the crowd participation. I sound kind of hypocritical because I just complained about how boring a MegDia crowd is, but now I'm complaining about how rowdy a Chiodos crowd is. I just need some balance is all. I need to crowd to be into the music, but too much pushing makes it difficult to pay attention to the music. I guess I'm too much of a circle put guy.

Our first break came after Chiodos and I needed it. I don't think I've ever felt that bad at a Warped since my first Warped tour which is excusable since I had no idea what I was getting into my first time around. An hour gap for us to get drinks, pee, and eat before Underoath. We left some drinks in the car, however they wouldn't let us re-enter after we left the venue. It is good thing Dean is such a sweet talker.

Underoath would be our epic finale. Underoath played around 4:00, but there weren't many bands we needed to see after. Easily the earliest our Warped ended. Not because the Warped lineup was thin, but because they stacked all the acts we wanted to see on top of each other early. If you haven't seen an Underoath set and you are into the scene, then you are obviously not very smart. Easily one of the best live bands in the scene. They sound absolutely perfect and identical to their albums (maybe Aaron's singing is a bit cleaner on the albums), they perform with enough energy to create about 5 atomic bombs, and there are so many other reasons why they are one of my top bands. I knew the set was going to be awesome because it started with a Gatorade bottle landing on me full of yellow Gatorade. Now my face and shirt were full of Gatorade. There isn't I can say to help someone imagine an Underoath set, it is truly an experience. Again, the songs are perfect and it is obvious they practiced their sets because they add theses amazingly intense and epic interludes between their songs. I wish they would just record those interludes and make an album. They ended their set with "In Regards To Myself." That sound of the film projector starting will forever be known to the screamo world through this song.

We wanted to try and catch a bit of the Saosin set before we left, but they overlapped Underoath more than I thought. We left Warped and headed to our traditional post-Warped Taco Bell dinner. This year we were joined by Jeff and first timer Ben. I felt bad for some people in my group because they didn't know many of the bands at Warped. I always safely have about 5 acts at Warped that I have to see. I'd like to think I am pretty diverse when it comes to music. Not as diverse as I once used to be, but I enjoy everything from pop-punk to hardcore. If it is good music, I can listen to it. Now I play the waiting game and prepare myself for that one special Sunday in August.

Thank you Warped Tour! And thanks for all my friends.
(And thank you to Meg&Dia and Warner Bros. Records for getting me in for free!)
(I hope this blog makes some sense, because I never proof read these shitty things. I may have wasted the last 2 hours of my life).

Ring Around The Leader And We All Fall Ashes

If anyone is excited for this Sunday, it is me. Warped Tour 2009 is only a few days away and my underpants are stained yellow from the excitement. Warped Tour always punctuates my summer, however, it is kind of bitter sweet. The event and everything going up to it is simply amazing. But Warped always marks the tail end of summer, it also means that on Monday we all have to go back to the real world, and lastly it means that I will be a full year away from the next Warped Tour. This year might be my last Warped for 2 years if everything goes according to plan and I go teach in Korea next year. Teaching in Korea seems like an opportunity and experience I can not miss. My underpants are brown from the excitement and the fear. But that is still a down the road a little bit so I try not to think about it.

Here are the bands I plan on rocking out to at Warped if the set times permit:
-Chiodos
-Underoath
-The Devil Wears Prada
-Senses Fail
-Meg&Dia
-Scary Kids Scaring Kids

And I will probably catch some All Time Low, Thrice, Saosin and maybe The Ataris.

At the beginning of summer, Dean and I joked about getting free passes to Warped this year. Well, I dreams have come true as our group won 6 free tickets. I won a pair through Warner Bros. Records and the Meg&Dia context, Richard won a pair through the John Lennon Education group (bless that man), and Dawson got two free tickets through an AT&T associate. This will be Ben Lee's first Warped experience. Saved myself $40 and all I had to do was put name in a drawing. That imaginary guy named god must have been on my side this time. I'll write my annual Warped blog sometime next week.

I saw a bumper sticker towards the beginning of my indefinite summer vacation that read, "God Bless The World, No Exceptions." How excited I was to read it! I get upset when I read bumper stickers that say, "God Bless the U.S.A," because that implies that everyone outside the U.S of A is excluded. Now if there was a god, I don't think he would be the kind of guy to pick and choose who is blessed. We are all his children and I would bet that he loves us all. At least these are the stories I was raised with at church. I suppose there actually has to be a floating man in the sky before any of these blessings can happen. I get confused when christian childern are not allowed to read Harry Potter because "he uses witches magic." Didn't Jesus use magic? Oh right! When he does magic tricks we call them miracles. There is a difference. Anywho, don't listen to people when they say, "god bless America." It's dumb in so many ways.

I have been kind of struggling with race these days. It is something I never struggled with, but lately I've been very sensitive to how white people treat other races. I think it has gotten to the point where I don't see things clearly and objectively. When ever a white person makes a comment about race, I pretty much assume they are wrong and racist. A white person could come up to me and tell me, "I love black people and Asians! I think they are the best!" and I would think he is being sarcastic. Really, I should be thinking, "what the fuck is wrong with this guy!?" haha. I think I started changing after I was a victim of racism. I started thinking after the incident, "What if I was being victimized and didn't know it until now only because it was so explicit?" So I promised myself from that day after I would be more aware of racism toward me. After that promise, I have caught many smaller acts of racism toward me and I think slowly the acts started to build up. I still think race shouldn't play any part in judging a person. I've always been a person to treat people on a human to human bases. It is just that I am more "snappy" when it comes to white people now. I don't think I hate white people, but I can't help but feel a little Black Panther-ish about situations now. Makes me appreciate MLK even more now. How he could preach peace when white people have been fucking him and his family over and over and fucking over is something I don't think I am strong enough to do. When I see a white person act racist toward anyone now, it always catches my attention. It doesn't even have to be toward me anymore. I feel guilty because by feeling this way, it makes me as bad as my racist white counter part. I am especially paranoid around old ass white folk. It always feels like they have something against me, like they don't want me in "their country." How come people always tell people to, "go back to China," but people never say, "go back to Europe"? If I knock a old white person out, will the police attack me? Going by that statement, I would agree they should. What if an old, NRA loving dude pulled a gun out on my and I knocked him out? Will the police still attack me? Probably. This is kind of a sensitive topic and I am not trying to offend anyone. Especially since race relations have been in then new with all this Obama shit. Our president is racist! What is new? This is an issue I am trying to fix. I think I am overly sensitive and seeing racism now when racism isn't even there. I need to return to my objective state so I can judge things fairly. Right now, I'm about as crazy as Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck and I do not want to be in that company. At least I know I'm a little crazy and paranoid right now. I don't think those guys have a clue. With all this said, I still have fun playing around with these already created stereotypes. I think it is important to have fun with these made up stereotypes. Maybe "important" isn't exactly the right word, but I don't think we should be overly sensitive about race (like I should be the one saying that right now, haha). However, it is an issue that obviously needs to be fixed. I'm just not the person to fix it right now. Maybe after I beat up some white people I'll feel better! I only joke! Jesus...

Before I close this blog, I just want to remind everyone that Sarah Palin is the dumbest bitch alive. EVER. Not because she is white, but because she is dumb. Just plain stupid in the head. She makes me want to stuff my stained underpants in my mouth.

Is This Real Life?

I've taken two showers within 4 hours without having done any real physical activities (unless video gaming is considered a physical activity). Kind of a waste of a lot of stuff. But I'm a stupid ass American and I'm allowed to live in luxury at the expense of others.

I haven't been very loyal to my blog and I've been absent for over two months. That makes me sad. The days seem to go by so quickly even though it seems that I don't do much. Typically, I get my 8 hours of sleep, do some chores around the house, relax a little bit before going to work, come back home and relax a little and try to get some work done before bed. The weekends go by so quickly they just seem like a blur. The only thing I remember about this last weekend is that I went to church but I can't recall any fine details. Okay, so I actually can, but still, to enhance my story, let us just go with it. If anyone has read "The Things They Carry" this is the "story truth." I am thinking about cutting my average hours of sleep to 7 hours. However, I know that my mind must receive rest as that is the most important part of my functionality. How am I suppose to learn how this world works if my mind isn't at peak performance? How awesome would it be if I actually found the answer to that question? Maybe some day.

It may not seem like it, but I actually love being an American. Really. We have a lot of bad things going on, but let's not forget all the good things we have too.

I'm going to keep this blog short. I just wanted to blog hoping that if I just do this short one, I will get into the routine of doing these more frequently. Usually come 2:00 I am ready for bed, but it seems that I have some extra energy today. Must have been that Monster energy drink I had this morning. It seems that I have an action packed day tomorrow (technically today). It begins with a viewing of the new Depp movie, "Public Enemies" which I am hoping is better than the last two movies I have seen in theaters. Terminator was a complete disaster and Transformers was obviously made to make an extra buck capitalizing off the success of the first one. These lame ass summer blockbusters can suck a big...fat...long...popsicle. I have found rekindled love for popsicles lately. I've been more of an ice cream guy, but the popsicle has served me well these few weeks. I am hoping this movie tomorrow remind me why I love movies so much (like I need reminding, pwah!). If it turns out to be another failure, I quit going to the theater for the rest of summer. I'll set the bar at at least 3 out of 5 stars. Any lower, and I quit seeing lame summer movies. No movie and dinner dates for the rest of the summer, and I am a man of my word (unless I am somehow pardoned by a small jury). But no big loss, like I go on dates, haha. That last sentence isn't a cry for attention, but it was suppose to act as a segue to my next statement. However, by detouring so off course, it is once again a cry for attention? Have I completely lost my chance to set it up as I had originally intended? Damn, I love going on little tangents that pop into my little fucked up head. I'm pretty sure I already know the woman I'm going to marry, now my only task is meeting her and tricking her into liking, or even falling in love, with a crazy ass man.

I'm going to throw this out there right now - Dan Haren is the fucking man. Dude is even getting it done with his bat. If my memory serves me right, he is batting a solid .280 as a pitcher. Sure, I could have just Googled that stat and made sure that I'm not crazy and could have avoided sticking my neck out, but there is no fun in that. If there wasn't a guy named Albert Pujols, the first half MVP in my mind would be pretty easy. If you don't agree, I don't care, I'm stubborn. Actually, I do care.

Alright, I'm going to squash this here. I hope to be back on this tomorrow, hopefully with more meaningful words. But even I know we can't take life seriously always. If we did, we'd all probably commit suicide! Yaaay!

G'night!

I Have 10 Minutes Until Class

Just a quick little blog to help me waste 10 minutes. I should really be reading the .pdf window beneath this blog window, but I don't really care that much about black cowboys. Only Somali pirates! Arrr! That whole thing is super weird, maybe I'll write more about it later tonight after class. But probably not since I have to storyboard my movie that I'm shooting this weekend.

I was on campus at 11:00 a.m today, which I think marks the earliest I've been on campus this entire semester. I had to go visit a teacher to discuss my midterm paper. My class is at 2:30 so I've been in this computer lab after visiting her office hours wasting time. I listened to Meg&Dia's new album, "Here, Here, and Here" which is very good. Again, I'll cut myself short because I don't want to dive too deeply into anything since I need to hike it over to the west bank in a second here.

I'm completely obsessed with Fantasy Baseball right now. I love Stat Tracker. I want marry Stat Tracker.
I hate fantasy basketball. No, actually I love it. It's my best sport. Things just didn't work out for me this year with timing, and injuries. A damn shame too.

I really wanted to write a blog a few weeks ago when my uncle passed away. I had a bunch of weird emotions run though me at that time. Those emotions have passed through me now, and are difficult to recall. I really should have wrote something then while I was still feeling.

I wish I was a better writer. I think it is fun writing screenplays and I might take my zombie dream I had a long, long time ago and make it into a screen play. Practice makes perfect, right?

I'm already looking forward to Warped Tour. This summer is going to be amazing. Also completely unstable and unsure. But that's life, isn't it? At least that how I perceive it right now. Maybe you grow up and everything makes sense (although I highly doubt this).

Sometimes I worry I'm a p.o.s. No, not the hip-hop artist.
I like honesty. I like Lacan's "real." I think taboos shouldn't exist. I think everyone should be comfortable with who they are and their surroundings.

But what do I know.

George Carlin Once Said, "Shut The Fuck Up!"

I need to get this off my chest or else something might happen to me that physics can't even explain.

Here comes the exposition. I first need to establish this -- I am a Facebook stalker. That in itself might be an offense to many and therefore rendering this entire blog hypocritical and useless. But fuck it.

As I stalk the "updates" of my Facebook friends (most of them I do know in real life), it has become apparent to me that the friends I now know, or the friends I made in highschool, are from suburbia America. Not that I didn't already know this, I fully understand that I grew up in Plymouth, Minnesota which borders Maple Grove, Minnesota and Wayzata, Minnesota which for the most part is made up of middle class white America. However, I never want to assume that because someone grew up in suburban America, they act like children from suburban America.

But holy fucking shit the people I know are "white". I say this because spring break is near, and all the status updates reflect that. The friends I have on Facebook seem to feel that they are entitled to a trip to mexico during spring break. "Spring break is in a few days and I don't know where I'm going!" "Oh no, I'm not going to Mexico this year!" SHUT THE FUCK UP! Just because Daddy has paid for you to go to Mexico every year or every other year does not mean you are entitled to a vacation every fucking spring break.

I'm going to kill this here.

The End.

John Lennon

If I ever become president of the United States, I'm going to invade my own country. Not because I hate the U.S.A, because I don't, but because sometimes it takes a good slap to the face to understand what we are doing to others.

So don't vote for me.

How I Know I'm A Human Being

I am at times horny and I am at times violent.

I'm Not The Same Man I Once Used To Be

Does anyone else find it difficult to start writing something? When you sit down to write an essay for school, or to fill your blog, just writing something from scratch is so difficult. It feels so awkward. Where the fuck do I start? Here? There? There is no real good segue from nothing. If only there was a way to make my blog slap my readers in the face when they open up my blog. That'll be a nice way to start. It would certainly make the reader at least slightly shocked and desire an explanation as to why a hand manifested from their computer screen and slapped them across their innocent face. And I hope the slap is just perfect enough to leave a red mark across their face. I do, because I'm fucked up in the mind like that. I wish my fucked up-ness was contagious and that I could sneeze on people and other people would be as equally as fucked up in their dome as I am. I would sneeze on all the scientists in the world and all the doctors so that a cure would never be discovered. Eventually my brain disease would spread across the world and everyone would think crazy thoughts and nothing could be done about it. Everyone would be sick in the head, except for Magic Johnson, 'cause that mother fucker is not affected by any disease. Then everyone would think of crazy scenarios like one and we'd all be amused by them. But at least we would all be thinking.

If you've made it this far, congratulations. Now ask your self, why the hell did you read that first paragraph? It's crazy. Truly pointless. Most of my blogs are, but once in a while I throw out some meaningful shit. I ask some questions that have no real answer to them and I like reading what people think about them. I enjoy the fact that we can not accept that maybe there are some things in this world that have no answers. For example, there is no explanation as to why I've become such a baller. I certainly don't have an answer and I'd assume most people out there don't either. I only joke. I was actually going to talk about something in this blog, but I have completely derailed myself with all this jibber-jabber. Now I barely remember what I originally came here for. Meh, it matters not, I feel like writing a little bit and that's what I'm going to do.

I started the day out today with a George Carlin video and I think that increased the quality of my whole day. I think everyone should start their day out with a George Carlin lesson or a Priscilla Ahn song. It'll set a proper "beat" for your entire day. Here is a link to to the video I watched this morning: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eScDfYzMEEw
Does his voice crack at the beginning of the video? I wish George Carlin wasn't dead. He is such an amazingly smart guy and he isn't worried to spit the truth. He isn't concerned about what people are going to think of him. He has no reason to worry about what other people think about him because he knows the truth. If you have that much knowledge, if you can get over all these man made ideas, if you aren't afraid of the truth, you have nothing to fear. You share the truth, nothing but the truth. I love that George Carlin can say anything on that platform and he can get away with it. If our President (yes, OUR president, fuckers, hehe), Barack Obama, said any of the shit Carlin said, he would get assassinated immediately. Maybe I'll get assassinated just by mentioning assassination. That's what is fucked about us, human beings. We are so fucking scared of the truth. If the truth inconveniences you, and/or instills the tiniest bit of fear in you, you say it is taboo. You tell the author of the message to keep it to them self. Why is it okay to ignore the truth? I don't care how depressed I get, the truth is something I can not compromise. If the truth doesn't fit my ideals, I don't ignore it by telling myself that it's a crazy idea and that it can't be true. I accept it, I might sulk or just get extremely depressed for a week, a month, half a year, but then I learn how to accept it, because it's the truth. I can't afford the live a lie (nor can I afford much of anything because of the cost of tuition). I think this philosophy is part of the reason I don't take any drugs (medicine) or partake in any mind altering substances. I am proud to be strait edge. Let us take aspirin for example. If I remember my lessons from introduction to psychology during my freshman year, aspirin is a drug that blocks certain chemical transactions. Basically it lies to our brain that we are feeling pain (headache). Something tells me that a healthy human being doesn't have just have headaches for no reason. There is a cause and the headache is a symptom, a warning our body gives us to find and to take care of the cause. So instead of just lying and taking a quick aspirin, isn't it a better solution to find the problem, to learn, and then to avoid the cause in the future? "But it is so much easier to just take an aspirin each time I get a head ache!" Yeah, I know, but Mama said life wasn't going to be easy. People just focus on the symptom, not the cause. Wake the fuck up. I guess this is part of the reason I avoid alcohol and drugs. I just can't live a lie. I have to be myself. I don't want a diluted version of myself walking around interacting with the people I usually interact with taking credit for my accomplishments. But hey, I'm in the minority, I actually don't know another strait edged person. If a majority of the people are a certain way, then it has to be true, right? How do I come up with such stupid ideas? Why do I willingly choose to live this way? It's pretty dumb that I do choose to live this way. You only live once, so let's get wasted and blazed out of our fucking skulls. I guess it's just not for me. I can't conform to the main current or popular beliefs. I'm not saying my philosophies are the truth, I don't think I am that conceited, I'm not "God", you know that imaginary guy that floats above the clouds and taps into your thoughts like the Patriot Act. But this is how I view it, and it sucks. It sucks always being in the minority. Strait edge, Asian, homo...just kidding, I don't listen to the radio, I don't like every super hero movie that comes out during summer break, I just can't achieve the sexy standards. I am human, I want to be accepted, I want to be respected. Especially because I am such a social person. I need people. Another problem is I'm kind of a control freak, when things don't work out, I question things. I build all these walls that I need to climb and for no real reason. Because society and other people suggest that one way is the right way? I'd like to tell myself I am all these righteous things, we all do. But take a hard look at what you do. We are all pieces of shit. Everything we do is because of something fake. I've been struggling with this fact lately. Is there anything we have to do because nothing would make sense if we didn't do it? I think we have to eat, or else we wouldn't get too far. But nothing else comes do mind. Maybe sex, I think it is very possible that sex is programmed into us. But I'm not completely sold on that. I don't really remember my thoughts from when I was 5 years old, but I don't really think I thought about women the same way then as I think of them now. But chemicals in our bodies do change after that magical period we call puberty. And no, I'm not a womanizer. I don't want to stick my dick in every vagina I come across, well, that gets complicated sometimes, hehe. But I don't think women should be treated like flesh or slaves. God didn't make women from man. They are not our subordinates. They aren't organisms created by God to clean shit stains in our underwear, women are not people (think about how Fox could edit this line, "Women are not people" -Min Lee) who we should expect to have sandwiches ready for us when we get home, they are not just warm walking flesh that just sit around and wait to take care of our hard ons. Respect the women in your life. Damn, I lost track of my thought. Sometimes I have so much shit on plate that I forget where I'm going. One statement can lead to like 3 things and I go one way and there isn't a good segue back to the other two thoughts. I get the feeling this is getting kind of long, I better think about wrapping this up.

I know I wanted to talk about religion, but maybe I'll save that for another blog. Maybe I won't blog about it at all. I know my friend Tony is going to pay us a visit and I have the whole final week of winter break off. I really hope something snowballs and we end up at a dinner table and have one of our epic talks. Those talks really break me out of funks, those talks give me false hopes (ahh, I'm a hypocrite. Fuck yourself, we all are). I really hope to touch on the topics of religion, what makes people happy, what is the point of our existence, and also talk about Tony joining the Marines then. I remember our last Perkins run, that talk got kind of deep, it got kind of emotional (tears were shared), it got kind of heated. But I do know not everything said was true and that is a shame. Talks like that are what I think humans should be doing. Not going to the bar every Friday night. You couldn't have such intelligent conversations while under the influence. But hey, I'm a fan of critical thinking, that's not for everything. Read Tony's blog he wrote tonight, I share many of the same opinions. Here is the link: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/note.php?note_id=43883081869&ref=mf
I am Christian by default. I have been for 21 years albeit I consider myself and share mostly agnostic traits. However, recently, I am considering becoming an atheist. It's the only logical mind set. I mean, not that it's a big deal, because I guess atheism could also because considered religion, but I just wanted to be separated from "religious" ideals. I don't want to be a part of a cult, I don't want to live a lie. This whole idea of God just doesn't make sense, there are too many pieces missing for it to be true. Again, I was going to get into this much deeper, but I just don't feel like it. Plus, the Copeland C.D just ended and I need to switch albums and write one more section.

Just wanting to document my day before I go brush my teeth, and hit the sack (sack as in bed, not my balls. I would never strike my own balls). As mentioned above, I started the day out with George Carlin's blessings and teachings. Well, that's not the very first thing I did. I mean, I had to roll out of bed first, and before that I had to turn off my alarm, and before that I had to open my eyes, and maybe even before that I stretched, or took in some oxygen. Then I probably stumbled into the bathroom and took a piss. Is that the first thing everyone does when they wake up? Minus opening your eyes, or stretching, or taking in oxygen. Then I probably stumbled back into my room and squeezed one off. What?! Who shares that much info?! Oh no! Actually, I don't know, I don't remember. I just wanted to cause a stir. And I know my blogs are so moving a small stir could cause a hurricane. I got my Underoath DVD from Netflix today so I watched that upstairs before anyone got home so I could enjoy it on the new TV with up convert. It was pretty cool, nothing life changing, but I've been an Underoath fan so long it was cool to see a more personal side aside from the music. I envy the friendships they share, or at least the friendship they present. Then I hung out with Dick when he got home and played some Gears. Oh, I cut my thumb tonight when I got out of the shower, this is going to severely affect my Gearing. Looks like my rape fest might need to take a one or two day hiatus. And trust me, I am a raper (bring it on Fox, edit that one too, "I am a raper" -Min Lee). If charges could be charged for the amount of raping I cause in the virtual world, I'd serve two life times and my children would also serve. They'd probably find a way to resurrect my grandfathers so they could serve. Yeah, that extreme. Jon came over for a little bit but he got bored and went home early. I guess I'm just not as fun as I once used to be. Jon told me he was going home to eat, but I know a white lie when I hear/see it. I'm sure he went home to eat, I just wish he would have left out that part about texting me and getting back together after he finished. I know he was just trying to soften the truth. Maybe I'm way off, maybe he did go home and is still cooking up a mean meal that takes 8 hours to cook. I should just sit here and innocently wait for that text, that's what an obedient friend does. Back in the day, we would have just gone out and grabbed a bite together. I hope this last bit isn't portraying an angry tone, because although it is a bit irritating, it's not a big deal. To me, to be a good friend, a good spouse, a good brother, a good son, is to love. And to me, to love means to be able to sacrifice anything for the other persons happiness. If I am to be a good friend, I should let go and let friends do what ever they want. Winter and summer break for me means that I get to see good friends that I normally don't get to see often during the school year. Well, at least that is what I usually hope for. But I've learned I don't share the same hopes as most of my good friends and I must live with it. I must learn to love. Again, not a big deal. This thing we, I, call love means nothing when we die. I've conditioned myself to believe so many morals and bull shit man made ideas. It's impossible to juggle them all, although I tried for the past 22 years and I will most likely attempt into the future. I just wonder, if it is programmed into me, or have I just conditioned myself? If it's programmed into me, there is nothing I can do but to suffer, but if it is conditioned, I can break to trend.

Alright, this is way too long. I wanted to watch Pan's Labyrinth tonight but I might have to hold that off until tomorrow. I hate sleeping in later than 11:00 but I need my fair amount of sleep. I hate not being fully rested, I need to be at 100%. I can't have any one fucking me big time just because my mind isn't 100%.

You're still reading this?

Shoot Blue Beams

I was actually going to sit down and write a meaningful blog. I've been thinking soooo damn much this winter break and I wanted to share some of my thoughts. I've been pretty down for the last 2 weeks, pretty depressed. Sucked because I missed Christmas, New Years, and my birthday because of it. Doesn't really matter though, they are all bull shit, just some arbitrary events. Excuses to act irrational for a little bit. I have no time to act irrational. I kind of snapped out of it a little yesterday and today for a few hours I had this surge of "bubbles." That doesn't make sense...right? I can't really explain the feeling, I just felt good. Like I was floating. I totally spaced out, the only thing I could feel was the sun on my skin. I mean I was outside, in Minnesota, in the winter cold and the only thing I could feel was the sun on my face. I forgot that I was a human, I forgot that I had family and friends, I forgot that I needed to work. Is that what it feels like when you're dead? Is that why people take mind altering substances? To escape? To run away from the truth? None of the random blabbering above has any real meaning. All bull shit. I guess I am still searching for meaning in my life. Right now, I just want to be able to open people up. Open them to new perspectives and new ways of thinking. I just want to love people and for people to love me. I thought to myself today on the way to work, human beings are the most ugly beings, and the most beautiful. Human beings are such a paradox. How could such rotten creatures give me so much hope? So much pain. Other people are what keep me going. They are also the cause of so much of my pain. When I'm dead, I don't have to deal with any of it. When I'm dead, I'm dead. Nothing else.

This blog is so staccato and random. Deal with it. I like it like that. I'll try and write a meaningful blog tomorrow if I remember and can collect all my thoughts. I had so much to say during my 2 weeks of depression.

Thanks to my friend Ben Lee. He's cool.
And to my friend Dawson. He is fun to talk to.

I want Watchman to come out so badly. There is a line in the preview that really fits my thoughts lately. I forget how it goes exactly, but it is something about why we should fight for something we have no stake in. That's how I feel. I can't fix everything. Why am I the only one fighting? Or why does it seem like that. And all this pain is meaningless. We will all be the way we want to be. Why am I like this? Either way, I want Watchman to come out. Zack Snyder is so fucking amazing and I hear the story is off the meat rack. Fuck Fox studios.

Read this article, it is so damn funny:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/fox-can-eat-several-dicks/

I also want Fox to eat all the dicks.
Rupert Murdoch can eat a majority of the dicks.

I've been wanting to write music lately. Music is sooo beautiful when done right. Not that I can do it right, I fucking suck. It is still therapy to me though. I wish I was better at creating art.

My mind is a cluster fuck of thoughts. I want to share everything, but I can't put all my thoughts together so they make sense to others. I just sound like an ass farting chunks. Sometimes when I am able to get my ideas out, no one understands them. I'm just so different than everyone else. Is there anyone else like me? Or am I to be alone forever? I need to meet more people. Share more ideas. Learn about life more.

I'm going to bed.
Someone suggest some good movies to me. Note that I said good.