Scott Muer

I haven't gotten around to blogging about my weekend yet.

Friday started out with a little brunch with my Mom. Rock class, then Korean class where we finished My Little Bride which is a pretty good movie. Then I caught the bus where Peter picked me up (Thanks). We went to Ridgedale to buy our Early November tickets at the ticket master booth. We went to every corner of the mall before we found it, no joke, every corner. But we managed to get our T.E.N tickets and we plan to send T.E.N off in style. Sure going to miss their music. After Peter dropped me off because I thought I was going to go out and eat, but ended up not going. Then we all figured we should utilize the wonderful weather so we played catch outside for a little while. Jon left to go play some hockey or something so Peter and I chilled for a little while then Andy came over and so did Mitch. We played a little Melee and just had a really relaxing time. The timing couldn't be perfect. Sometimes I feel guilty when I am going through a tough time because there are so many good things in my life and I don't want to miss them just because I am feeling down. It was fun chilling with such an unusual group of friends. I say unusual because I don't think I can remember when it was just us four at one time. It worked though, everyone was in a good mood and we just goofed around the whole night.
Saturday started with church like usual. We had a little football action planed for 3:30 but I got home late because we had to drop someone off after church and when I got home Jon wouldn't answer his phone. I ran out the door as soon as I got home with my shoes and clothes and found Jon and Andy on Jon's deck chatting. We quickly drove down to the park where Sat and Sonny were waiting for us. We stretched for a little and got the game rolling. Sonny, Andy, and Me vs. Sat, Jon and Nick. I think I dropped the first catchable thrown to me. Jon played quarterback for them so defending was pretty easy, but once in a while Jon would switch off and I would have to gaurd him. Jon is a very dominate player. Our team convincingly won the first game. After people needed to take a little break so we drove over to Jon's for a water break. Then we went back to Bass Lake for one more game, same teams. The game was much closer and we had to go into over time. In over time I made a huge interception that swayed the whole game. I am a little impressed of myself because I rarely make interceptions but I'm glad I chose that time to do it. Someone called me out on the interception, even though I didn't think I was cause I was watching my feet the whole time, so we got the ball close to the end zone. I made a tip toe catch in the corner of the endzone and I thought it was a complete pass but no one else spoke up so we decided to re-do the play. Andy caught the winning pass (little bastard). A very good day of football. The weather was PERFECT! A little wind, a little shade, cool weather, perfect. I've noticed that I make a heck of a lot of tackles and if I'm not the first person to hit the runner then I am involved in the tackle. I always thought defense was my weak point but I guess I should give myself a little more credit. I am the only one that is fast enough and strong enough to defend Jon and I am the only person on both teams that plays with %1000 heart. Maybe add a few more zeros. I am beginning to think I am maybe a better defensive player. After football we went back to Jon's and sat around and chatted for a while. We had our fantasy baseball draft at 8:30 so I went home to shower and do that. I am for once happy with my draft, but that strikes some fear in me. Usually I am unhappy with my fantasy teams and for the past year I have won all my leagues, but now that I am happy with my draft, I am scared that my fortunes will flip. The only mistakes I made were a couple of time mistakes where I was forced to draft before I made a solid choice, maybe my first pick and my last pick since Dean stole a player. Almost a perfect draft. After the draft we dipped over to Applebees and got some wings. The girl that served us went to junior high with me. Isn't it always awkward when you talk to people you know, but don't know well enough to just say hi. Oh well. After Bees we went back to Jon's where we played some Melee. Andy, Dick and I slept over and started our RPG project with Kingdom Hearts. We didn't get very far. We were all tired and sore from football and for some reason we suck at that game. Hopefully we can beat that game pretty quick so we can move onto Final Fantasy 7.
Sunday we woke up a little before noon and continued out RPG mission. Later Jon needed to take a test so we rolled out. I think I took a nap when I got home and then did some homework and organized my life a little.

(I saved this as a draft and now its Thursday so I don't remember much, so I figure just post it)

Dreams

Seems like I've been having a lot of dreams lately. Really vivid dreams that stick with me even after I wake up.

I saw some people playing hacky sack outside the other day and it was amazing. Those people are so coordinated and can hit the sack in any position with accuracy. It made me realize I am not as coordinated as I want to be. That there is a greater level I can work towards. I need to pay more attention to my body.

I've been getting a lot of anonymous comments on my Eblogger. The comments I have been getting have been very uplifting and so if one of the anonymous readers reads this, thank you. It makes me think that there are people out there that understand me. Eblogger users are way different than YouTube users haha. The comments are so different, more respectful, and more intelligent. But I should have expected that from stupid YouTube users. Its amazing that so many random people or unexpected people have been helping me feel better. Maybe there is good in this world, maybe I am to hard on people. Its nice to see people helping complete strangers. One comment was posted just a few minutes after I posted a blog.

I've been dreaming so much lately, and I didn't have a stupid alarm, I would actually finish one. I guess I have a lot on my mind. I had a dream last night where I would hang out with and just chat with a bunch of random people. A new group of people would come over everyday. Each day was fresh and new and everyone was very respectful. Some people were people I knew, some were just random people I've never seen in my life, there were a lot of bands that came over and chatted, and some were celebs. A wide range of people. I don't remember any of the stuff I talked about though. I remember having a chat with David Robinson which was a more serious chat. He seemed like such a wise man. I played video games with Senses Fail. I chats I had with random people I never met were cool to. Just introduced each other and talked about life. I remember hanging out with the Meg and Dia band and I remember that day being one of the funniest days. I remember all of us laughing non-stop and there wasn't a dull moment with those guys. Dreams are so wild. I think my soul or whatever is trying to send a message to my brain or something through dreams. I think deep down inside I know the answers, but I can't find them, but something deep down inside of me is trying to make it easier. Sometimes I wonder if dreams can actually tell you the future. Obviously dreams can reflect on the past, and I firmly believe it can tell you about things going on in the present, but sometimes I think they show you the future. I had "People" dream last night, and then today I read a blog by Dia of Meg&Dia and it really hit me. It made a lot of senses to me. Its weird that I would just have a dream about and then the very next day have Dia touch me through her words.

I've been reading a book about African American movements in the 50s. I can't believe these things happened in the 50's! Its crazy, that doesn't seem like a long time ago at all! I am really glad that that culture has advanced the way it did. Because without the African influence I had while I lived in Minneapolis, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Something I learned while reading this book is that people aren't as ignorant as I think they are. The whites in the book act like they don't know when something is wrong, but I think deep inside they really know. Probably just some defensive mechanism. I think this strategy is used by many people today; even though they know something is wrong, if they hide it and act like its okay, they feel better. Its to bad. I wish people wouldn't cower and face their wrong doings.

I watched 300 again last night, it was still just as good.


"There is no need to be loyal because while you stay in one spot, people will come an go. You might as well save yourself the effort and jump camps too, everyone leaves. You will never be respected"

Zombie Dream Chapter 4

It seems like we've been driving forever since I've never driven in this area before and Dawson and I aren't leading anymore. The roads are very empty. I see one of our cars swerving left and right and I think something is wrong but then I realize it is the car Cory is driving and I don't pay much attention to it. I just figure he is goofing off. We only make one pit stop the the whole drive, but we since we left so late it isn't a big deal. We all eat grouped together in an empty parking lot. The sun looks ready to set and we decide that we need to find a place to stay for the night. We drive a couple hours and we find an empty motel. Looks dirty and cheap but it works. The sun is gone and I don't want to drive while its dark. A couple of people start walking casually towards the office door and I catch them quickly. I tell them that no one is probably there but that we should at least enter with caution. They seem to reluctantly agree. I get the feeling I am getting on everyones nerve because I am so cautious, and I'm split on how I should approach people. I lead the group into the office door. The lights are on and everything is tidy. The door to the back office is shut and I want to secure the area before we relax. Everyone sets up near the door and I kick it in. Nothing. We grab the keys to the rooms and walk back to the cars. I tell everyone I want to check all the rooms in the small motel to make sure its safe. It shouldn't take to long. When I suggest it Cory gets upset and asks me why I am so paranoid. Some of the parents agree with him. I sink. I tell them that I would check the rooms alone and that everyone else should just sit tight in their cars. I open the back of my suburban and I strap myself with a few extra weapons. My Dad says he would come with me and I agree to it. Now everyone else gets brave and offers to come with. Jon, Mitch, Dawson, Dean, and Jim grab a few extra weapons. I stop them. I tell all the parents to look out after the kids and women and that Jon, Mitch, Dawson, Dean and I will secure the motel. We all load up and I make sure everyone is ready. We decide to secure the second floor and work our way down so we walk up the stairs and make our way to the last room. I tell everyone where I want them to be when the door opens and I open it. Our team criss crosses into the room. We check the bathroom and make our way to the next room. We check each room and we find nothing we should be afraid of. Each room is neatly made and all look the same. We get back to the cars and assign rooms to each family and everyone goes to set up. I'm laying on the bed by the window and I see some head lights and a car pull into the parking lot. I spring up, push the curtains aside and leer out the window. A couple of SUVs have pulled in and I see some people walk out. They look pretty normal so I slowly open our door and I walk out and I yell hi out to them cautiously. They reply so I stick my pistol out to the side to show that I am armed but that I mean no harm and walk slowly towards the guy standing out of the car. Now everyone from our crew begins to crawl out of their rooms. I shake hands with the guy and exchange names. I ask him what he is up to and he says that he is heading north but need a place to stay for the night. I tell him that there are plenty of safe rooms here. He thanks me then turns around to talk to his family still in the black Tahoe. I say hi to the rest of the family and I offer to help him unload the back. We exchange stories while unloading his truck. His family and his neighbors are also planning on going to an isolated area in Canada. From talking to him, he sounds like a very kind and smart guy. Someone I would like to have around. A couple of families from our crew come out and exchange names with the new family and their neighbors and helps them bring stuff in. The new man, who is named Jim, introduces me to the rest of his family. His wife Jill, his oldest daughter Amanda who appears to be around our age, his middle child Brandon and his youngest daughter Sarah. A very beautiful family. He then introduces me to his neighbors. Everyone from the new group seem so civilized. They all are so smart and clean. I wonder since we are all going to the same place, if our groups could merge. I don't bring it up though. It's just fun being around a new group of people. One the neighbors kids broke a leg or something running and is in a lot of pain so we do everything we can to make him feel better. It is a pretty fun evening and everyone is chatting and introducing them selves. Cory again busts out a large container full of liquor. Its pretty frustrating but I feel like my group is sick of me bossing them around so I don't say anything. I look over at the new group of people and they all decline. Now I'm just embarrassed that I am associated with these careless drunks. I ask Jim, "Not a big drinker?" and he says he used to be but thinks it would be smarter to have his head on strait with all the new dangers. I completely agree. I spend most of the night chatting with Jim's family and his friends. Very bright and energetic people. Being around these people is very therapeutic to me. I can relax a little knowing that there are people who worry about defending them selves. The party ends a little earlier tonight and everyone goes to bed. I can't fall asleep and I just roll around in my bed for a few hours. I don't understand how I'm not drained, I didn't get any sleep the night before. I get fed up and I leave the room. I'm quiet and I make sure I don't wake anyone up from my family. The air is humid and smells and there aren't any bugs so I don't complain. I walk into the office and pull out a small chair and begin walking toward the stairs to the second floor. Jon opens his door and catches me with his eyes squinted and asks me what I'm doing. I tell him to shut up because he is speaking louder then he needs to and that I couldn't fall and that I needed some fresh air. He makes a joke about the air not smelling so good and then goes back into his room. I get to the second floor and I sit in my chair. Check my pistol and then my rifle. Everything looks good. I set up rifle against the wall and I zip up my hoodie. I think I spend over a hour just staring at the stars. The sky is clear and the stars seem to be dancing. I hear a soft clank on the stairs and I jump and grab my rifle. The stairs continue to make noises and I can hear the noise elevating. I swear under my breath and I think that coming out here alone in the middle of the night is the worst idea I ever made. I see a figure and it continues to walk up the stairs. A light hits the figure and I see that it has long brown hair. I relax. When the person turns the corner I see that it is Amanda, Jim's daughter. I set my rifle back against the wall and I flash her a small smile. She leans against the railing and asks me what I'm doing out here. I tell her I couldn't fall asleep and she tells me that she couldn't fall asleep either. She says that she hasn't been able to sleep well for the past few days. I tell her that I think her Dad is really cool. She laughs and says thanks. We small talk for a while and I point out a bunch of cool stars I've been looking at. I see that she is only wearing a short sleeve t-shirt and I offer her my hoodie. She declines but I can see she really needs it and I lay it over her shoulders. She says thanks and zips it up. We talk about a bunch of things. School, life, what we are scared of, what we think life is going to be like, family, on and on. I tell her the story about Tony back in the warehouse. I tell her I've never killed anything before and I that I'm actually pretty scared to use a gun. She calls me a wuss and giggles. I ask her how she knew I was out here and she says she heard me walking up the stairs and that she waited for me to walk back down but got worried when I didn't. I tell her that she shouldn't be walking outside alone in the middle of the night. She makes fun of me for being a hypocrite. I tell her that we should probably go back down and get some sleep. I walk her to her room, she says thanks and closes the door behind her. I think about going back up to the second floor, but I opt to try and get some sleep. I crawl back into my bed and I feel like thin air. I can't fall asleep and it feels like there are bubbles in my belly. I catch myself staring at the ceiling smiling and I wipe it off my face. Slowly I fall asleep.