Fight Club

I heard a quote today that struck a note in me. "Women are made, not born." I believe it and I blame the male gender. Its our fault that they have to live fake and toiled lives. Humans have made so many mistakes in the past, yet we don't learn from them and we will continue to make mistakes and dig ourselves holes. It is a damn shame. I've always thought women were the stronger sex and today that belief was strengthened.

The weather is amazing today! Sunny and 70. I wouldn't say its perfect because it is to hot for me right now. I like jeans and t-shirt weather. But the U is so lively this time of the year, people are outside spread out in the mall, it makes me happy. Yesterday I saw it was going to be a beautiful day and I wore a bright shirt to symbolize spring. Its nice to see people having fun and hanging out. Life is tough, but it is good and to see all this living during such a personally sensitive time, it makes me feel lighter. I need to dress more appropriate tomorrow.

But I didn't title this blog Fight Club because of the weather or womens rights. I had a dream last night that I wanted to blog about. I must be a really angry/disoriented/pissed off/confused person right now, because I had a very disturbing and violent dream last night that I am actually not proud of. Usually I like dreaming of bloody, gory things because I am a fan of shitty horror and sci-fi. Last nights dream was different to me, it wasn't comedic, it wasn't "oh man that zombie make up is so bad" or "why would anyone do that?" funny. It was to real. I think this is a good spot to write it out.
I don't remember many minor details because I woke up in the middle of it cause my alarm went off and I tried to recite it to myself while I was snoozing. The part I can remember the dream starting from is my basement. It was really dark in my basement for some reason and everyone was asleep. Dawson was over and we were looking for shitty horror movies on the internet and we found this crazy "real life" video of a Fight Club type thing. They had a bunch of set-ups like royal rumble, one on one, team battles, but it was much more scary because the idea behind this "fight club" was to kill your opponent(s). It was like Fight Club meets Mortal Kombat meets Cradle of Fear. I just thought it was a visually enhanced video and I personally thought it was shitty but Dawson thought it was awesome. At the end of the video they gave us an address and it said that anyone can join in on the fun. Dawson suggested we go to one of the events, and I told him it was fake. The next day Dawson introduced the idea to everyone and they all thought it was a good idea to go down there and partake that night. I thought it was a dumb idea. Well that night we weren't doing much and we all hopped into a couple of cars and drove downtown and found the small alley it was taking place in. I couldn't believe it was actually real and now I was freaked out. We walk downstairs into some Station4 look alike, just this shitty unfinished basement and there are dried blood stains all over there place. Dawson signs us up for the royal rumble battle and I freak out cause I didn't really think we were going to be a part of this. Everyone is pumped, I can see Jon and Mitch slapping hands and exchanging plans. Everyone is talking about how they are going to kill their first victim. The room starts to fill. Big body builder types, smaller people, a mixture of male and female. I see Mitch and Jon talking about how they are going to try and avoid this HUGE guy at all costs. I still can't believe this is happening and I tell myself it is fake. I rest against a wall in the back where a lot of people aren't around and I just plan to sit back and watch the "play." The ref walks in with a cart of cheap wooden boards and some metal objects, dumps it, blows a whistle and walks away. Everyone starts running towards the objects, grabs whatever they can and begins to pound each other. I get up from leaning against the wall and I think this all looks to real. My group of friend kind of stands there and doesn't know what to do but eventually they grab what is left over and join the fight. I sit there and watch and no one has attacked me yet because my corner is kind of off on its own. I can only see a few of my friends now. I see Dawson fighting this really skinny guy in the middle, I see Mitch for a second before he disappears into another corner and then I catch Jon in another corner in a cluster fuck. He is doing well though. I then catch some people walking into the room through a side door. A group of girls and they brought their own weapons. This is right behind Jon and he is no idea that this group has just walked in. A girl with a knife is walking toward Jon while raising the knife, and I see what is going to happen. I yell, "Jon look out!" and run toward them. Lucky for Jon and I there was a direct path and only had to move around a couple of fights. I get there right before the girl starts her swing and I use my momentum and I drop kick her right in the stomach. The force sends the girl flying into the wall right behind her and she falls to the ground with her back against the wall. Without hesitation I follow up and take advantage of her stunned state. Before she could even gather herself and look I gave her a fierce kick to the face with the top of my foot. The kick sends her head slamming into the wall behind her. Now she is to stunned to defend herself. I use the wall to help me inflict more damage as I smash in her face with my heel. I can feel her skull caving but I don't stop. I don't look at her face but I wouldn't be able to see her face anyways because of her hair clumped together with blood in her face. I feel a tug on my shoulder and I think its someone about to attack me so I grab the persons collar but it was just a ref pulling be away. I guess there is some sort of rule of decimating a body. I can't catch my breath and everything seems to be moving so fast. I want to get out of there, but at the same time something makes me stay. I look at Jon and he is already engaged in another battle, now with a group of girls. I look toward the middle of the room again and I see Dawson still there, now fighting the huge guy they were trying to avoid. Dawson is being tossed around, the brute seems to be playing with his meal. I grab an oddly shaped board and I run over there and I try to smash it over his head but he is to tall and I only breaks over his back. He turns slowly and focuses his eyes on me and I get ready to dodge what ever he is about to throw at me. Dawson is on the ground but he rolls over quickly and stabs something into the guys foot. The guy growls and kicks Dawson in the stomach. I take advantage of this and blow out his elbow with the weapon in it. I take the weapon which is a huge board with a nail in the end of it. While the guy is grabbing his arm I swing the nail as hard as I can into the side of his head. The guy drops to his knees. I use his chest to help me pull the board and nail out head and then I it swing over and over into his face. He collapses. I continue to pound the the nail into his back and now his back is starting to look like a bee hive. After the ref pulls me away again, I run over to Dawson and help him up. I put the board with nail in his hand I run off. Now I'm so caught up I kill every person in sight. I manage to kill someone with a machete and after I claim it all hell breaks loose. My kill count quickly rises and I can see spectators behind this fence that I hadn't seen before laughing as they watch me. Seeing them laughing and enjoying such a crazy event makes me want to kill them. They are all in business suits. One of the guy is holding the fence and I see his fingers gripping it so I use the machete to chop off a few of his fingers. They panic. I turn around and there are these two guys fist fighting each other right next to me. I swing the machete into the back of one guys head and he falls over. The other guy attempts to run away but I swing the machete into his leg and he falls quick. I use the machete to cut him into thin slices. I kill a few more people quick and now at this time everyone is so scared of me every time I approach them they run away. A little group of guys thought it would be a good idea to team up on me but it fails. I see Jon being choked in the corner so I hack the choker in the back. I am drenched in blood and it just seems like I am running around and slicing everything that moves.

Then my alarm went off. Thank god.
I don't think anyone should be dreaming these kind of nightmares. I read that dream book over break and it has some things about dreams. But I think dreams are just a message to yourself. I think this dream is telling me that I am in an unhappy state right now. I am on the edge. I pray that I am not that evil, I don't think I could kill a person unless I really had to. I'm a little bit scared after this dream.