Shoot Blue Beams

I was actually going to sit down and write a meaningful blog. I've been thinking soooo damn much this winter break and I wanted to share some of my thoughts. I've been pretty down for the last 2 weeks, pretty depressed. Sucked because I missed Christmas, New Years, and my birthday because of it. Doesn't really matter though, they are all bull shit, just some arbitrary events. Excuses to act irrational for a little bit. I have no time to act irrational. I kind of snapped out of it a little yesterday and today for a few hours I had this surge of "bubbles." That doesn't make sense...right? I can't really explain the feeling, I just felt good. Like I was floating. I totally spaced out, the only thing I could feel was the sun on my skin. I mean I was outside, in Minnesota, in the winter cold and the only thing I could feel was the sun on my face. I forgot that I was a human, I forgot that I had family and friends, I forgot that I needed to work. Is that what it feels like when you're dead? Is that why people take mind altering substances? To escape? To run away from the truth? None of the random blabbering above has any real meaning. All bull shit. I guess I am still searching for meaning in my life. Right now, I just want to be able to open people up. Open them to new perspectives and new ways of thinking. I just want to love people and for people to love me. I thought to myself today on the way to work, human beings are the most ugly beings, and the most beautiful. Human beings are such a paradox. How could such rotten creatures give me so much hope? So much pain. Other people are what keep me going. They are also the cause of so much of my pain. When I'm dead, I don't have to deal with any of it. When I'm dead, I'm dead. Nothing else.

This blog is so staccato and random. Deal with it. I like it like that. I'll try and write a meaningful blog tomorrow if I remember and can collect all my thoughts. I had so much to say during my 2 weeks of depression.

Thanks to my friend Ben Lee. He's cool.
And to my friend Dawson. He is fun to talk to.

I want Watchman to come out so badly. There is a line in the preview that really fits my thoughts lately. I forget how it goes exactly, but it is something about why we should fight for something we have no stake in. That's how I feel. I can't fix everything. Why am I the only one fighting? Or why does it seem like that. And all this pain is meaningless. We will all be the way we want to be. Why am I like this? Either way, I want Watchman to come out. Zack Snyder is so fucking amazing and I hear the story is off the meat rack. Fuck Fox studios.

Read this article, it is so damn funny:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/fox-can-eat-several-dicks/

I also want Fox to eat all the dicks.
Rupert Murdoch can eat a majority of the dicks.

I've been wanting to write music lately. Music is sooo beautiful when done right. Not that I can do it right, I fucking suck. It is still therapy to me though. I wish I was better at creating art.

My mind is a cluster fuck of thoughts. I want to share everything, but I can't put all my thoughts together so they make sense to others. I just sound like an ass farting chunks. Sometimes when I am able to get my ideas out, no one understands them. I'm just so different than everyone else. Is there anyone else like me? Or am I to be alone forever? I need to meet more people. Share more ideas. Learn about life more.

I'm going to bed.
Someone suggest some good movies to me. Note that I said good.