A Quickie

Sucks for From First to Last fans. That band has taken so many hits over the last few days and over the last few months. Sonny just quit to pursue his solo career and they also got dropped off their label (Guess Saosin made the right choice, tee hee!). A couple of months ago they were dropped from the Atreyu tour because of Sonny just having surgery and now they are in a financial bind. The music business seems to appealing, yet so scary.

Here is something I've been thinking about lately. If you are modest, or humble and you tell other people you are humble or modest, does that make you less modest or humble? I've always looked at my self and tried to present my self as a modest person (I already feel less modest just saying that) but I've always felt guilty for saying that about myself. Is that wrong? Do you guys look at someone differently when they say they are modest? I think modesty is quality that is earned through actions over time. But if someone asks you are you modest? How can you answer that if you really are? If you say No, they will think you aren't, and if you say yes, then you aren't. Being modest is kind of a lose lose situation. Do nice guys finish last? I think so. I envy people who are in your face and obnoxious but I hate them at the same time. I think I used to be more modest and humble when I was younger, and I thought about why that is last night while I lay in my bed (I think a shit load before I fall asleep and it keeps me up forever. Its where I get most of my blog ideas). I think in my younger days I was around people who appreciated modesty and that made it easier to stay modest. My Minneapolis friends acknowledged peoples strengths, they gave props where props were due. There was no need to brag, because the people you were close to spoke for you and you did the same for them. My old friends and I were all modest because we appreciated each others skills and we expressed that. My suburban experience is completely different. Suburban people are jealous and they deny that you are better then them. They don't give you any credit when you have clearly earned it and this causes a lot of tension. Not only that, they are quick to steal credit from other people. I had a suburban friend that would always steal my credit in public places. He would ask people, "Do you like my idea?" or "Member when I came up with...?" When clearly he was pawning off ideas I had brought up in our conversations. It bothered me, but whatever, nothing I couldn't ignore. But he was so intent on receiving praise. Modesty was definitely not a strong point for this guy. When you are around these type of people, it wears on you. I've been around these people 7 years now and I can see how I've changed. I am more flashy when I do things and I think I do seek more attention. I am more vocal, this I don't mind. I miss the old days because I think being humble is such an important part in being a good person. I miss childhood and my old friends. They knew how to separate the good from the bad. Its just the life I am forced to live now, and I can accept that, but sometimes you miss the good old days.

Here is a follow up to my little football outbust last blog. The other team had a goal line play and Dean rushed in to try and sack Mitch. Dean wrapped him up but couldn't take him down. Mitch does his best Kevin Dyson and stretches for the endzone and I knocked the ball out of his hand right before the ball passes the line. It was a close call but no one could tell for sure because of the snow. Mitch gets up and yells, "I was in!" and I asked other people for their opinion. After I ran the ball back for a touchdown, just to be safe, I asked Mitch and the others what they saw. I told everyone, "I couldn't see if the ball passed the line or was on the line." Mitch responded with, "well if the ball is on the line, thats a touchdown." Which is technically true. But why the FUCK would I offer the same answer twice?!!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!? Sure I could have been more percise and artitculate with my words, but can't people just infer and think for them selves?!?!?! And sure he could have just been informing me, but if you where there and listened to the condescending tone of his voice, thats not what he was doing. Why the fuck would I ask an A and B question where A and B are the same?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!? I just don't get it. I hate when he does that too. He does it every weekend I just choke on my spit everytime he does it. That feeling of wanting to kill myself when I lose at something comes back with a different twist. I want to stab him in his forehead and then cut my self open from head to toe when ever he gets technical. Of course I would do it with a different knife cause I don't want to get infected from his nastiness. God damn that ticks me off, and lately I've noticed other people doing it. He is rubbing off on people. Pretty soon I will be surrounded by dummies.

One last thing for this quick blog. Another follow up. Last week I talked about how 70's and 80's rock sucks, and it still very much sucks. I proposed that only after the influence of rap, was music more organized. I was wrong there. In my U.S history class I was presented with 1920's jazz and blues. A lot of it was just instrumentals, but sometimes they had singing and it made sense. The lyrics and syllables fit into the music. So it is just 70's and 80's rock that fucks up on this concept. Well, in Rock History class we are learning about early rap and hip-hop. Rap is a genre where the background music doesn't mean much compared to the lyrics, so the focus is on the organization of the lyrics. While I was reading up on rap and hip-hop, I came across a word that discribed everything I was trying to get. CADENCE. 70's and 80's rock has no cadence. And that is a musical element I strongly believe in. Just makes things more tight/focused and poetic I think. But I guess cadence isn't an important factor to many people and thats to bad. Go listen to Comeback Kid and Dillinger Escape Plan then you losers. I'm not saying that all music needs to have this, some people can pull it off, but the oldies just don't do it right.

El Gordo

I am so fucking sore. Today is the first time since Saturday that I have been able to move some what like a normal person. Sunday I was pretty much rusted tin-man and yesterday I moved like a retard. Or maybe an old school zombie?! Monday should have been the easiest day ever, but it wasn't, it was hell. In my rock history class we listened to music, duh, thats what we do. Then I crawl over to my History class and we listened to more music (1920's Jazz and Blues), easy. But I was so sore that I just couldn't think or take notes. On top of that, in my history class I had to take a mean shit. Reminded me off my high school days when I needed to take shits but some teachers don't give you bathroom passes or limit you to one a trimester. I though those rules were so ridiculous. I knew if one day I had to go super bad and a teacher wouldn't let me, I was going to shit in the corner. Good thing it never resorted to that. You might ask, well you're in college, why didn't you leave and go? Well I didn't feel like packing all my shit up to leave and I don't feel comfortable leaving my shit in a room full of strangers. But football is awesome so its worth it. More on football later.

I read the other day As I Lay Dying hopped on the Warped Tour this year for a portion of the tour and I was pumped. Then I checked the dates and surprise! They aren't coming to Minnesota. Bummer. I really hope that Saosin decides to jump on soon. I would not mind one bit watching them again. I don't know if this will happen because they did the Senses Fail tour, and now they are on the Taste of Chaos tour. They might need a break.

This weekend was pretty relaxing and thats how I wanted it to be so we could get ready for the concerts coming up. Friday Peter picked us up again (Thank you), then dropped me off at my house so I could go out and eat dinner for my Mommy's birthday. After we went to Jon's last hockey game ever in White Bear Lake. Jon's team got THRASHED and THRASHED hard. The White Bear Lake team pretty much raped Jon's team in every way possible. Jon's team did get ripped off for a goal. Red scored but the refs didn't count it for some reason. One of the parents even got it on tape. Of course everyone spazzed for a second, but Mitch continued for about another 5 minutes. The only yelling at the top of his lungs. It was VERY embarrassing and I was I wasn't standing next to him. I had wished that people didn't see him in the same group I was in. I didn't want to be affiliated with him in any way. But more on this later when I write about football. Jon comes out of the locker room and looks pretty composed and I guess thats how I expected him to come out. If it were me, I'd be a total mess. My last semi-meaningful (c'mon, its junior gold) game after all these years and to go out like that. I would have collapsed on the ice after the game and pulled out a knife so I could stab myself. Jon said he let some tears out later in the car when his parents talked about the memories they made over these past years. I'm glad he cried a little. More about hockey later.

Sat started out with church and a quick exit so I could make it on time for football. Of course almost everyone was late, which I expected when I made the 3 o'clock deadline. We get to the park around 3:30 and step on the field which pretty much wasn't there because the ground was all ice. There wasn't a patch of ground. Another thing that sucked was that snow wasn't falling, but rather ice. Sharp ice. But we drew up a field, selected teams, and got the game rolling. The teams were Jon, Mitch, Nick, and Sat on one team and Dean, Andy, Red and myself on the other. The first game was rough. My team got spanked pretty bad. Andy threw a couple of interceptions and no one could stop Jon. The game ended with the score like 7-4 or something like that. Of course I was ready to hang myself, but the other team was gracious about giving me a rematch. I decided to play quarterback the second game to get some more direction with the ball and to eliminate any sort of turnovers and the eliminate their blitzing. On defense I decided to guard Jon instead of playing safety with cover two help from Andy since I felt Dean and Red were quick enough to defend their guys. It all worked. We converted more passes and got more first downs on offense. I had Dean carry the offensive load or who ever Jon wasn't guarding, but for some reason most of the time Jon wasn't guarding Dean. On defense I jammed Jon at the line at it seemed to break his momentum. I fronted up and cut off all angles between him and the quarterback (A borrowed basketball technique). I had Andy cover the top so I could focus on the dump offs. This through off their whole offense since Jon was their main threat. I had people blitz/rush Mitch when ever they could because he isn't the best pressure player or pressure anything. This caused a few interceptions which really turned the game. I think Red had a couple interceptions by himself. Mitch also had at least two fumbles. Dean swatted it out of his hand on a goal line possession and I swatted it out of his hand when he tried to stretch for a touchdown. Jon's team was able to recover the Dean slap and my slap was replayed because no one could tell if Mitch had crossed the line or not. The game ended with my team wining 7-4 or something like that. We wanted to play a short tie breaker up to 4. Jon's team started with the ball. The score was tied after 4 so the win by 2 rule was applied. In the end, my team came out on top. It was a grand time but my body has been paying the price over these last few days. After the game I lose feeling in my fingers for about a hour and I was actually pretty worried.
But there is one more major thing I want to bring up about the football game. During the first game when my team was down, there was a play where Mitch ran the ball and I tackled him after he had earned some yardage. I got up swearing and yelling. Naturally, I am a passionate player, everyone who has played with me knows this. I am all about winning. Mitch gets up and he presents me with the questions, "Why are you so fucking mad?" in a slightly aggressive tone. I was confused as FUCK. I was so confused I didn't know how to respond to it right away. I just looked at him for what seemed like forever. I was disgusted. I was shocked. Has he never played with me before? Has he learned nothing about me over our 5 years of being friends? Does he not understand my makeup? I can't even articulate on this fully cause I am still confused. Please help me understand anyone. A "jeez, clam down" might have been okay (I would have been pissed the fuck off cause no one tells me to calm down), but the question just confused me. Did he really not understand why I was fiery/burning/passionate? Mad is the wrong word. I am not mad. To say I am to serious I feel is wrong to. You can see me many times going back to the line smiling, joking around with people. Nick patted me on the back during one of the breaks and told me its okay, and I laughed with him. I am having fun. Hines Ward laughs when he plays football but he is one of the most passionate players on the field. But he is playing with people who understand sports and football, that might be the difference. I am having a good time, but I will do anything to feed my wanting to win. Mitch told me one day that he feels that he approaches sports and many of life's obstacles with the same mind set as me. He couldn't be more wrong. He always tells me he would do anything it takes to win also, so then why is it so hard to understand why I am cussing and yelling? I tried to think of answers. I thought maybe it was because I blasted him on the play (It was a pretty nice fucking hit, let me tell you) and he got up a little frustrated. But if he was frustrated he could have gotten up and yelled some angry at me. But that question! It got to me. I don't remember if I wrote my response to it yet, but I could only respond with a "When aren't I passionate?" The question just kept digging at me. Maybe people feel that I am not giving 100%. If Mitch can't see that I am giving my all, what are other people seeing? Do people think I am half assing it when I'm out there? Is my effort not up to par? I am getting a little heated just writing about this. If the question was about spazzing, it should have no come from him. I know some people will never understand my drive and will look at me like I'm crazy, thats fine. But I am not angry. But he really was asking me about why I am spazzing, I should have cut his fucking throat. This is coming from the guy who broke his hand from punching a wall because he got a little mad over something that probably wasn't a big deal. This is coming from the guy who couldn't stop yelling at the ref at Jon's last hockey game when everyone else was over it. This is the guy who got yelled at by one of our own coaches, by the coaches and parents who love us and support us all the way. That form of the question should have not come from him, maybe anyone else, but not him. Someone please give me their opinion and help me focus my thoughts. I know I am feeling a lot more things and I got a lot more say on this topic, but I don't remember what I've said so far and I don't want to repeat myself haha.

After football I went home to shower and warm up. It took me forever cause I had no feeling in my hands for a very long time. After I got some tingle back in my finger tips, I had a little sandwich and brought melee over to Jon's. We definitely killed some good Melee. Played some good Melee while listening to concert music. It was the perfect way to follow up football. A couple of things got in the way like being forced to shovel Jon's driveway and leaving early to make room for Katie's sleepover. But I have to say the biggest buzz kill was Jon and Dean tagging along with Jon's dumb little comments. I would ask questions and Jon would come up with little dumb comments that wouldn't even make sense and Dean would laugh his ass off and make Jon feel good about...well nothing. I mean it doesn't bother me if you do it once or twice, but you got to understand that you aren't making any sense at all. It stupid! Jon's pretty ignorant about these things and I've lived with that. Its a minor annoyance when it comes to some of the other things people do. I expected Dean to pick up on tension but he was pretty oblivious too. Jon's comments even got to Mitch. Mitch snapped and told Jon to shut the fuck up at one point (supporting my point above), Jon brushed it off because he thought Mitch was joking but I got the impression Mitch wasn't. Jon being Jon again. Ignorant. If Mitch would have snapped in usual Mitch fashion and maybe attacked Jon, I would have actually sided with Mitch and stomped the shit out of Jon's face in his own basement. I was pretty ticked off. I was feeling really good up to that point of the night. I just quit talking so I wouldn't have to listen to Jon anymore. When we got the boot I just wanted to go home and be left alone but everyone followed my to my house. I just said whatever and let them. Dean and Jon had to watch the Prestige or something so I got bailed out. This is the type of shit that scares me when thinking about moving in with friends. Maybe people are right, when you room with best friends, things turn sour. I am going to try and fix a little bit of that by writing honest blogs and actually speaking out loud about what is bothering me. I shouldn't worry about being "politically honest" or worrying about what the other person might think. Being honest is more important at this point. Blogs help a shit load to vent though. More on honesty, blogs, friends, and melee later.

Korean class now. Test today. Wish me luck.

Zombie Chapter 2

Everyone slowly walks out of Jon's garage and into their cars. We had around 6 cars or so and 5 families to carry. We thought out strategically which cars would help us carry the most equipment, which would give us the best defense and which would be best for gas. At Jon's kitchen table before we set out, I explained my zombie survival plan and everyone agreed to it. Our first destination would be to stop at a small gun shop and "borrow" more guns and ammunition. The roads were mostly calm but there was an unusual amount of police sirens. It appeared that most of citizens didn't think the news was serious. The drive was quick and painless. We all crawl out of our cars and males gather with what weapons we had. We had a couple of handguns but we figured the shotguns would be our representatives. The plan was secure the area and then to have more people come in and snatch the supplies we would need. The store is dark, small and and quiet. I don't think there were any customers in the store. We walk around like any browsing customer would and scan the store. The cashier, who appears to be the only person working the floor, asks if we need any help. We tell him no and continue to browse giving each other silent signals about what we wanted. Eventually a couple of us walk over the the front desk and pretend to look at the items underneath the glass, but were really there to secure the cashier. A couple of the guys pull out big bags and start loading them up. The cashier starts to look around worried angling his head over the counters so he could get a better view. He begins to walk to the back room when a couple of guys hold him up. The cashier understanding he is fucked just stands there with his hands behind his head. Someone runs out and requests a couple of more people to come in and they do with big bags. The "borrowing" process is quick. We leave some cash on the table, which isn't even close to enough, and leave slowly with eyes on the cashier. We all quickly start up our engines and get back on the highway. The roads are fairly empty and we are able to stay in our defensive formation line. We expected to be chased by some cops sooner or later but nothing. You could hear distant sirens and thats when I began to think that maybe the police and other officials had bigger fish to fry. A gun store robbery was now at the bottom of their priorities. Our next stop was North Dakota to pick up Dean and his family. No one has notified Dean yet and I begin to worry that they won't be convinced by what he has seen so far. Stealing guns and leaving everything behind is a pretty big commitment. I am in the passenger seat of Dawson's Chevy Impala and I give Dean a call. We start out with a little small talk and I ask him if he has seen the news. Both of us are to embarrassed to actually express what we are feeling about the whole situation. We start off slow but Dean brings up the fact that the one of the news stations officially brought up the idea that the dead are walking. I ask him what he thinks and he says he is a little worried. After a little more small talk, I tell him what we have been up to and that we are headed North to come get him. He expresses some interest and tells me that he will call us back in a bit after he gets everything straitened out with his family. After I get off the phone with Dean I call the other cars letting them know that the news station Dean mentioned has officially brought up the idea of infected people, or walking dead. We are driving north and after I have some time to calm my mind, we did just rob a gun store, I look out Dawson's window to see that cars going south have piled up. I guess people are starting to buy into this threat. Why south? I guess that the city is providing some sort of protection plan. To populated. I'll pass. People are panicky and stupid. The car ride is quiet. My phone rings. I answer and Dean in a calm voice says that he and his family will be waiting for us. I ask him if the panic has reached North Dakota yet and he says not really and that people are out stocking up on food and supplies, but it isn't extremely out of control. I ask him if it would be possible if him and his family could go out and buy some more food and supplies they think would be necessary and he says yes. I tell him after he finishes with that, that he should stay inside his house with doors locked. I tell him that we should be there in about 3 hours or so and we hang up. 3 hours is shorter then normal, but we are speeding and I figure if cops don't care we robbed a gun store, they won't care if we are going 80 in a 55. The ride is quiet. Dawson eventually speaks up. He tries to cut the tension and tries to keep the mood light by goofing around. He says, "Isn't this just the way we planned it?" I laugh lightly and acknowledge his question. We joke around about what life might be like in 3 weeks. We keep our images bright and happy. "It shouldn't be to bad," Dawson says. We quit talking for a little while and Dawson puts a CD in. A mix. We get out of the city and passed the suburbs and now its just interstate between us and Dean's place. The line of cars heading south into the city ended about 40 minutes ago. I tell Dawson to get off on the next exit. He asks why and turns to get off. I tell him that I want to see how everyone is doing, regroup, restock and take a fucking shit. We pull into an empty parking lot of a warehouse type store. Our cars are the only cars in a giant parking lot and its creepy. Everyone gets out and asks me why we have stopped. They seem cranky. I thought I was doing them a favor. I told them what I told Dawson, that I wanted to see how everyone was doing, keep our spirits up, regroup, restock, stretch, and shit. We assign everyone with a weapon since I wanted everyone to be prepared for what might be in the store. A mixture of the young males and their fathers with heavy weapons are chosen to enter first. Then mixture of the females and older males in the rear. Our priority was to keep everyone safe, especially the women and children. The first line forms at the automatic doors. The doors don't open. Fuck, already a unexpected barrier. I tell Dawson to hold my pistol. I grab the doors and before I pry them open I tell everyone to make sure their guns are loaded and ready. Everyone checks their ammo and clicks their safeties off. Appears as though no one did this while we were at the cars and I give them a minute to check everything over. Good thing I brought it up. Dawson checks my gun for me even though it has been checked about 5 times already before we got to the doors. I appreciate his kindness. I tell Jon and Mitch that when I bust open the doors that I want them to criss cross with Jon securing the left and Mitch guarding the right. I tell them I don't want them going in any deeper. I look at Dawson and signal that I want my gun right away when I open the doors. I yell back to the Dads that after Mitch and Jon secure the entrance, that they should move in and support and that Dawson and I will walk in right after and take point. I take a deep breath dip my shoulders and pull. The doors slide open. The air inside is warm and thick and has a dry stench to it. Most of the lights are turned off so its dark. The store is big. Jon and Mitch are already in their spots and the adults move in. Dawson hands me my pistol and we weave through and get to the front. I click for Jon and Mitch to move up. There are a lot of the aisles and I want to secure every single one before we start grabbing stuff. Its quiet and as we get deeper into tho store the sun light coming through the windows becomes darker. After about the 10th aisle Jon and Mitch begin to let their guard down. They being to walk standing strait up and out of formation. I snap quietly and tell them to get lower and back in line. They do for about 2 more aisles and then get tired of it and start to talk out load. When they do I grab Mitch around the collar and I as quietly and firmly as I can grunt in his face to shut the fuck up and I glare at Jon. I didn't want them relaxing and influencing the rest of the group to let their guard down. They fall back in line but I can hear them now mumbling about how Min is a little bitch. I ignore it as long as they follow the plan. While I was cussing the two bone heads out Dawson was still advancing the team slowly. I am surprised at his discipline and leadership skills since he is known as the group Rambo. We maze through most of the store and reach the back. After everyone finishes their business, using the bathroom, stocking up, or whatever it may be, we regroup. Jon and Mitch start walking casually to towards the front and I grab Jon by his shirt and signal them back. They reluctantly assimilate. We sneak back up towards the front and when we get close I tell Dawson that I want him to lead the people out back into the parking lot. I tell him not to stop until everyone is out and safe. He nods and asks what I am going to do. I tell him I am going to let everyone pass and that I am going to guard the rear. As they being to walk I grab Jon and signal that he should start guarding the other side of the line and to keep looking toward the back of the store for a sneak attack. Our line is longer then I originally thought. I am tempted to to turn and see how Dawson is progressing, but I stay disciplined and trust that he is doing a good job. When the back of the line passes me on my left I see a object moving in the dark. It catches my attention quick and I tap Jon on the shoulder to back me while I move in a little closer. I take a couple of steps and being to make out it is a person. The figure turns around. It is Tony picking at a door that says employees only on it. I tell him to get outside and that everyone is waiting for him. He tells Jon and me to hold on for just second because he is going to go in quick and snag some cash. I tell him money has no value anymore and that we should just leave. He continues to to pick at the locked door. Jon yells for him. The door cracks open and he looks back at us and gives us "I told you so" smile. He swings the door open and takes a step in and from his left he is tackled. Jon and I both jump. Tony is now screaming and yelling and I can't make out what is exactly going on. I look out the door and see that everyone is loading up the cars and soon will be ready to go. I take a quick step towards the door and stop. Jon is still standing there. I pull on him and he comes back to his senses. I yell that we need to get the fuck out of here. We run out the doors quickly and I close them behind me. Jon runs all the way to the cars and it startles everyone. I jog back with an eye on the doors. Jon is breathing hard and tries to explain what happened between his attempts to breath. I walk into the group of people with my head down. I am sweating like crazy and I feel heavy. I keep checking the door frequently, pistol ready. The group gets fed up with Jon's attempt to explain what happened and it feels like all the heads turn toward me at once. I just stare at the ground. The paint for the parking lines look new. Bright yellow. I didn't want to be the one to tell them the bad news. I felt guilty, because I felt was my fault that Tony is still in there. Is he dead? One of Tony's parents realizes that he isn't with the group and speaks up. Busted Min. Fuck. I swallow hard break it to them bluntly that Tony is dead. Everyone gasps and stumbles back. I feel lighter. Questions start to fly everywhere and it all sounds like a mess to me. I pay no attention to the questions because I can't make any sense out of the noises and I keep replaying what just happened in my head. When I catch my self drifting, I hear Jon trying to answer some of the questions. He has calmed down. After everyone calms down we regroup and replan. Tony's family decides to go off on their own and I honor their decision. We give them their belongings and some extra supplies and watch them drive off. They turn to go back south. Guess they decided on the Cities. Someone finally says that we should continue to Dean's place and we start packing up and slowly people get back into their cars. My feet feel like they are cemented into the ground and I don't feel like moving. Everyone is now back in their cars and ready to go, but I can't take my eyes off the stores doors. Shouldn't we check if he is still alive? Even though we know he is gone. Dawson comes over and grabs me by the shoulder and guides me toward the car. I take one look before I take a seat. Dawson starts up his engine and we continue north.

I wish I would have graduated in '97

I wash going to continue to write my Zombie dream but Dean left me a quote in one of my blogs and forced me to read and listen to to a speech. Its very powerful and moving and completely honest and true. Who ever presented this speech is and always will be an OG. Check out the "song" in Deans profile or mine since I recently added it. You can read the speech here.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97: Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters.
Throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's. Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen.

I read the speech as I listened to the song and in the middle of it I got a huge knot in my throat and I started to cry in the middle of the fucking computer lab. I hope no one saw me haha. But even if they did, I shouldn't care right? Isn't that a lesson from the speech?
So many beautiful things said in the speech. A lot of them are lessons I've been taught or taught myself. A lot of them are lessons I knew about, but for some reason don't practice, maybe I'm a prick or I'm to lazy. Some of the lessons are lessons I know about but don't fully understand cause I can only understand them with experience. The speech made me feel so sad, and so happy and was so reassuring that I am doing things and going about things the right way. I would love to meet the person who wrote the speech. I don't know who wrote it, but it is hard for me to believe that someone young could have wrote something like this. Even though I write about things and have my opinions on things, I know at my age and my experience level, I don't know shit about life. It seems like some people are so eager to grow up. I'm not. I want to take it as it goes. I have a couple of friends who act like they know everything about everything and have something say about everything and talk for other people and talk even when not being talked to, and I feel bad for them. I also have a couple of friends, who kind of don't speak their minds enough. They aren't as bad as the others though.

"The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience"
-It is so well put. Member in an older blog where I talked about how people are obsessed with numbers and facts? This is my point exactly. Sun-screen has been proven by scientists, but advice and experience is so much more valuable. I think people have a hard time grasping this. I think the people who are able to grasp this concept know the people who can't. The people who can't think they can, but will forever live their lives a lie. And I feel bad for those people, because I probably know some.

"I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded."
-Very true. My parents always tell me about this lesson. That we will never understand how things work until we have actually experienced it. Even though I can't understand it fully, I believe them. I look back at how I used to be, and I can start to feel this concept. It must be so much bigger for our parents.

"But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked."
-Makes me scared. I hope I am not wasting my time.

"Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum."
-Can't help it

"Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing."
-A lesson I learned recently in my career exploration class.

"Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind."
-I've already been living this way. When you're ahead, be sure to share your wealth. When you're behind, it should motivate you.

"The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself."

"Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life."
-Can't help but worry.

"Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone."
-You only know what you've lost when you've lost it. A very important moral and one I live by. But sometimes its hard to know what to appreciate and value.

"Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't."
-Oh I'll marry...someone probably like Jessica Alba haha! And we will have lots of children. haha.

"Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either."
-I written about being humble a bunch of times already. I know a lot of cocky people and it really does bother me to be around those people. Sometimes I don't think they are cocky, but more ignorant. They just don't know they are bad. Sometimes I think I should take it easier, but its just my make up to give 1000%.

"Your choices are half chance."
-It really does feel like that. I said in a recent blog I always want to have control over my actions and how things effect me. Sometimes you just can't help it. No one is that powerful.

"Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own."
-Agreed. I am afraid of growing old. I haven't treated my body in the best way...but lately I have monitored what I put into it. I love to exercise but don't do it enough.

"Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room."
-Just live

"Read the directions, even if you don't follow them."
-Understand even if you don't agree. Be respectful of other views. I know a lot of stubborn people.

"Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good."
-Value everything they have given me

"Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future."
-I know mine will always be there. But they are young and sometimes hard to deal with.

"Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on."
-I try.

"Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85"
-oops

"Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it."
-I think I wrote about this in a recent blog too

"But trust me on the sunscreen."
-Will do

This one will stick with me for a while.

Short and Stumpy

Korean class is done and now I have a 3 hour break before Barneezy gets done with class. 3 hours sounds like a long time but it never seems that long. After the computer lab closes I am going to go read my Rock History novel.
I look around and everyone is using computers to do academic work but I use it to blog haha. Actually there is this one Asian dude checking his Fantasy Basketball team. I already know he has a weak ass team. He may rank high in his league, but he is probably playing against some other weak ass Asian who don't know what traveling is. They all probably fought for the first pick so they can draft Yao Ming. Idiots. I once heard these blacks arguing in this lab and they were debating if Steve Nash was the best player on the Sun or if Shawn Marion was. Shawn Marion is a one of a kind player in the N.B.A but that question is soooo easy. If we are playing street ball, maybe Marion, but this is basketball you stupid monkeys. Oh well, what do I know, I like the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Think about a time when you were walking down a narrow hallway and someone was approaching you and you guys both try to get out of each others way, but only get in each others way again. And then you do it again. This may go on to 3 dodges but usually no more. Well when I am walking around campus and someone is approaching me, it seems like I am always the one to avoid them. One day I tested this to see if i kept going strait would the other person move. I waited for the last moment to steer away and if I hadn't we would have bumped shoulders. Are people that stupid? Are people that inconsiderate? Are people that oblivious? How come I'm always the one that moves? And is it that hard to hold the door for someone behind you? It doesn't take that much effort. The U of M has bike lanes. I usually look both ways before I cross those bike lanes but I always see people walking into them as bikes are coming. I hope one of these days someone has bike rage and runs them the fuck over. That would be sweet to see.

In my latest blog (The one I wrote and posted an hour ago haha) I wrote about a reoccurring dream. After I wrote about it and on my way to my Korean class, I thought about another reoccurring dream I used to have when I was a little kid. It was a nightmare and I was scared to go back to bed after I would have this nightmare. It was your stereotypical nightmare where you would spring up when you wake up with wide eyes and sweat dripping. The dream always started with a helicopter shot of a dark castle with storms over it. I think every time I saw this shot I would think to myself ahhh fuck. But shortly after the castle is examined by the camera you see a group of kids walking down the street. The group of kids are me and my friends. They flip open the fence and walk in. When you walk in, there is a small sidewalk that is surrounded by tombstones. Some of us are scared to go into the castle and some of us are excited. We eventually talk everyone to going into it. As we walk into it, the camera stays behind. The castle has a bridge from the graveyard to the actual castle. Way below is a lake or something. Probably has crocodiles in it to. But you see blood dripping from one of the tombstones into the lake. Then it cuts to us inside the doors. To our right there are bathrooms and some rooms to our left and stairs that lead upstairs strait ahead. Most of us run upstairs but someone needs to take a shit so they go into the bathroom. The bathroom lights don't work so he/she takes a shit in the dark. The is a girls bathroom and a guys bathroom, but in the wall that separates them is a door. I can't think of a situation where a girl or guy would need to walk into the opposite sexes bathroom really quick, but it was there. The door opens and someone kills the person taking a shit (Made that really dramatic). Slowly that person kills everyone off but me in the house. I find my way out and run down the street and he chases me. Just like like in Dane Cooks skit, I am running as hard as I can but the killer is always behind me. I run for a long ass time and the sun starts to rise. I run into a populated area and there are people on the sidewalk but no one decides to help. Thats all I remember.

My History of Rock and Roll class got me the thinking the other day. We are listening to early punk and heavy rock right now. When I listen to those songs I kind of have to cringe. The instrumentals are okay, but the way the lyrics are laid out bothers me. It seems like the writer have no idea what syllables are. They try to squeeze in a whole line of words where maybe only a few words would fit. The music doesn't seem organized. I always wondered why I don't like oldies when people always brag that music back then was better. When I listen to Senses Fail and then Led Zeppelin the way the syllables fall into the song are way different. So I was thinking about this the other day, and I thought maybe Rap music is the biggest contributor to music. Rap is always, or used to always have a certain flow to it. It was done more "poetically" and I just think the lyrics fit and were organized better. We haven't gotten to rap and hip-hop yet in the class, but maybe only after rap was introduced is when people looked to structure lyrics into the music more. Maybe I'm not sure.

Cut the Blue wire or the Red wire?

Concert weekend is coming up REAL quick and I get bubble belly everything I think about it. I remember reading about the Armor for Sleep, Underoath, and Taking Back Sunday concert before our Senses trip in Nov and thinking how far away March is. Well its now a little more then a week away and it feels like I've had time to take a couple of naps and a couple of shits. I can't believe it so close. I just wrote on the all the doubler header's walls asking them if they want to wear our Geek Squad shirts to the shows. It would be sweet. But do we want to wear them to both the shows or just to one and if just one, which one? I think it would be awesome to wear them to both, but then we would have to clean them over night (Well most of my buds are slobs and I don't think they would mind nasty shirts. I have like 3 Geek Squad shirts so no problem for me). We will chit chat. Also, I need to bring up the thought of Applebees after the Anberlin and Meg and Dia show. That would be baller. Lots of water and a little snack. A new band that I checked out since they are playing at the Anberlin show is Jonezetta. They are a pretty sweet band and it should be an awesome opener (But not as sweet as Armor for Sleep. Armor for Sleep opening?! Jizz). Everyone should give them a try. They in my point of view sound like a blend of Midtown meets The Rasmus with a more electric feeling with a light The Format influence. They also use brass instruments in a couple of tunes and it gives it a ska feel. They have a little 80's zip to them as well. Its not bad stuff and the dudes seem really cool. When I friended them on MySpace they sent me a message with the friend approval. Pretty cool of them, even if it might have just been a representative. I mean most the bands I listen to probably aren't even gold, and a little interaction with fans doesn't sound that hard.

I've been thinking more and more about moving to Melrose with some of my friends next year. I know its going to be an amazing experience and its going to be a lot of fun, but I've been trying to play out all the band things that might happen and those images scare me. I get this feeling that our refrigerator is not going to be clean, with jars tipped over and leaking and mold growing on the sides. I get this image of sauce stained microwave sides and dirty dishes lying around waiting for me to clean them. I get the image of pizza boxes scattered all of the floor and magazines and paper tossed around. I'm scared that when you walk by their rooms you are going to need a gas mask. I scared at what the bathrooms are going to look like. And I'm scared that I am the only one who actually cares to keep everything clean. I don't think the people I am moving in with really care about keeping a sharp appearance, about hygiene, and about keeping their surroundings clean. I vision myself having to do a lot of house work. I don't think I want to wash my clothes during the same wash as them either. I get the idea that they have poop stained underwear. The idea behind washing clothes is to make them cleaner, not to spread the filth evenly among other peoples clothes. I am scared to wash my socks in the same load as Mitchell's because his feet are VERY VERY stank! Sometimes when we sit around in Jon's basement and the way everyone sits makes it so Mitch is sitting on the couch next to me while I sit at the feet of the couch and closer to his feet. The smell is suffocating and unbearable. I guess as long as things work out, and my separate room and bathroom is clean, I will have an escape area.

Ever since Jon didn't get accepted to the U of M I've been planning what my life is going to be like Post-Jon. And its scary. At first it didn't hit me so hard, but after we got our place at Melrose its been hitting me harder and more real. I guess I always thought that it would be Dean, Jon and Me causing chaos together. The other day Mitch brought it up and said that it is going to be weird without him around every weekend. And I told him that I've been thinking about it too, and thats all I wanted to say. I didn't want to talk about anymore. I didn't think college and distance could put such a strain on a friendship. I thought things would remain the same and when you are back together things would just pick up. I always compared it to when Dean moved away from the neighborhood. I always thought there was a brotherhood bond and that bond would never break. I think I give peoples loyalty to much credit because just give them the loyalty I feel inside. Over my 2 years of college, I've learned that people who you think love you, don't actually give a shit about you. Once something better comes by, they are quick to jump on that bandwagon. My bandwagon doesn't supply people with booze and and naked girls and parties, but it does hold loyalty and honesty and love but in our society that doesn't appeal. In my AP issue someone brought up the question, "Do nice guys really finish last?" And at this point in my life, yes, they do. I hear in the long run, things start to look better. I hope so. Jon has plans to attend UMD and I am scared to death I am going to lose him to. He stated he is choosing UMD so his transfer to the Twin Cities campus will be easier. But I heard the whole transfer story two years ago and I don't see any of my past friends here now. History is perfectly lined up to repeat itself. And if it does repeat it self, that will leave Dean and myself as the only two OG's left. UMD means Jon will be spending a lot of time with Ben, which is good and bad. Ben's a good guy and but someone that has different morals then me. If Ben is the only friend Jon is going to have up there, I don't see any chance Jon doesn't get sucked into the college life. He will forget about me and our past just as quickly as my old friends. And that sucks because I feel like I have sacrificed a lot to keep our friendship as strong as possible. I feel like I have sacrificed a lot to keep all my friendships healthy and it makes me sad when people ignore it. My feelings on this whole situation are a little confusing but I mostly have a negative feel about it all. I've been down this road and it wasn't a smooth one. I hope Jon considers our long lasting friendship a little more then some of my friends in the past. I have nothing but love for that guy and even if he decides to throw it away, I will always remember.

Today I woke up from a dream I've had many times in the past. The dream is mostly always the same with a few details changed. The dream is set in south Minneapolis between Lake Street and Hiawatha. For some reason I start in the same spot without knowing how I got there. I am always given a a method of transportation. This time I was given a wheelchair and I remember one time I was left with a scooter. For some reason my guy, who I have some control over, always decides to go to this corner store. Each time I can't remember how get there but I use landmarks to guide my way. the horizon is always dusty and green. I always look down the long city roads and see faded buildings hiding behind the green dust. I always see the same building and know to take a right and then the next left and then I should be two blocks away from the corner store. And the corner store is always there to my left. Sometimes it has a different sign posted above its door. On my way to the store, I always get the feeling that I am going to be mugged. I've never been attacked in any of the episodes but I always get the idea they are going to attack me because I am from the suburbs and that I left them. When ever I enter the store, they always have amazing deals. Last night they had huge boxes of fruit snacks for a dollar a piece. In the next aisle they had big jugs of Gatorade for 50 cents. In the dream I always wonder how they sell these products for so cheap. I always check the expiration date and the drinks are always overdue. I don't remember what I did after that from my dream last night, but I do remember when I had this dream before I walked to my old house by South High. I always just walk by and see a bunch of Mexicans running around inside. then I walk through my old alley and turn the corner to the place where I almost got shot in the head. After I leave the alley an old friend of mine always runs up and says hi. We talk for a little while and then I walk over to Ayabe's house. When I get to Ayabe's I knock on his door. I always knocked the same way when I would go over to his house and then he would repeat the knock back to me from the other side. He opens the door and I am thrilled to see him but he just walks back upstairs after letting me in. His living room is brand new and his parents and some friends are having dinner. I say hi to his parents and they offer me a plate. Our friend Sye is there too. I say hi to him and he says hi back only a little more friendly the Ayabe. Thats all I remember.

I did one of those chain bulletins on MySpace this week or last week and one of the questions were, "Have you ever been in love?" And I didn't know how to answer it. What is love? Its not tangible and difficult to describe so how do we define it? I read Stephen Christian's blog (Front man of Anberlin) the other week and he had this one blog about love that was interesting. It was cool to read how someone else viewed love. I know some people are going to say, "You don't know what love is because you never felt it" and this might be true. But what if I have felt it but didn't know I was feeling it? I've been heartbroken before, I've been disappointed and I've been sad. Does this meet the criteria of love? I've meet people that I would do anything for if they gave me the chance. Does this meet your definition of love? Really think about it. I don't think any of us can really grasp what love is, yet we search endlessly for it. What if it doesn't even exist? Just some word and idea someone made up. Whatever it is, we all want it, including me. But what if we are searching for something that isn't there.

Get The Funk Out My Ear Drum

Need to wait a hour before my bus come arrives at the Coffman bus stop.
I am writing this blog on a Mac and it is weird. How come Mac mouses don't have a right and left click and at scroll? Steve Jobs needs to think. Good work on the iPod though I guess...if only they didn't give so many people troubles.

Even though I don't really know a lot about or care about U.S History or politics, I am finding my U.S History class pretty interesting. Plus the one of the professors is really good at lecturing unlike my new Korean teacher who is kind of blow ass. I don't find the class interesting because I like hearing about KKK lynching blacks or about Teddy R's hypocritical ideas, but I like learning about how people went about things in the past and then applying them to life today. I once heard a quote that I don't remember word for word, but the basic message was that if we ignore history and historical lessons, we are doomed to repeat mans mistakes. I think the quote is very true. Mistakes in retrospect are so easy to point out and see, but it doesn't seem like people actually learn from them. People tend to think of themselves as perfect, and I think that forces them to think that they are immune to mistakes. I compare the time of reconstruction, the gilded age, the progressive era and the time right before WWI (The period we have studied so far) to how we are living now and I don't see much of a difference. People look back and think we have evolved and grown so much but I don't think so. The country was split north and south back then. How are we so different with the nation being split Democratic and Republican or Liberal and Conservative? Maybe I wasn't old enough to appreciate the Clinton days, but ever since Bush has been in office it seems like the gap between the two groups have grown. People fought for racial equality back then. Anyone who says races are treated equally today is completely wrong. I do think it is better, but to say equal would just be stupid. Women fought for right then and still are. I don't know any of Hilary's positions but I think that'd be awesome if she got some power. People fought for better wages and hours. People today are still toiling and not getting paid well. Capitalism still lives. Our work conditions are better and officials aren't allowed to freely physically abuse us which is nice. Sanitation is better and food is monitored and handled with care, but even though we got rid have a grip on germs, now we have a new problem of radio waves and radiation, so health safety really isn't that much better. I don't know, maybe I like to bitch a lot, but sometimes it feels like the "system" we live in is rigged for some to fail and others to succeed. Sometimes it feels like I don't have control over my own fate. On a lighter note, in my history discussion we were discussing the Espionage Act and this girl didn't know how to read it and the attempt was funny as hell. Thats a pretty stupid story now that I have it written out. Its better in person, trust me.
The other day I was taking a shit and I saw an ant walking across my bathroom floor. At first I was like fucking ant and I was going to smash it, but then I thought about things and I couldn't kill it. I don't exactly remember the reasoning behind it, but it had to do with me comparing historical lessons. Then I was like, shit, I'll just toss it outside, but I found another parallel and I couldn't remove it either. Hopefully it killed it self though. Stupid ants.
I thought of the whole majority rules system and its kind of stupid. What if a majority of people are wrong. That sucks for the minority that is right. Who is to say that because more then 50% of the people think its right, its right? I don't trust most of the people I meet, and I don't want them deciding whats best for me. I bet a majority of casual N.B.A fans a few years ago would have said that Vince Carter is the best basketball player in the league during the Vinsanity hysteria. But any smart basketball player knew that he wasn't even close. So a majority or the people say he is the next M.J so that must be true right? I bet those people wouldn't say that now. They would probably say Lebron James, stupid bandwagon jumping fucks.
Along with trusting the majority, I've been thinking how can you trust people that are suppose to help you? Like teachers, counselors, doctors, etc. Barnett had to meet his advisor the other day and when Joe walked into his office the advisor shook Joe's hand and told him that it was nice to finally meet him even though they had met at least twice before. I always got the same feeling with my advisor so I never asked her for any help. She doesn't give a fuck about me or my future or if I am on track. I don't think people should just accept the fact these people are helpers and they will look after me. People are known to lie, read the bible or something really old and I bet it has people lying in it. I hate going to the doctors because of this. How the hell do I know that the drug he gives me is actually helping me? The short-term affects may look and feel good (Oh, my cough is gone!) but who knows if 20 years down the line he fucked up how your heart beats. How do I know the FDA or whatever really cares enough about me to stop me from taking a drug that has more cons then pros? I think we trust, because we want an answer right away. If we are answerless, we feel empty and stupid so we will take any piece if information to fill that void. We need that hope. We are scared to be alone.
The other day I was walking to class and I got super light headed and disoriented. It felt like there was an earthquake going on. I lost track of everything and I had to focus all my energy to staying on my feet. It was the worst feeling ever. Not having control over myself and my actions. I think of this and I wonder why anyone would ever want to me intoxicated. Is it really that fun not knowing what is going on? I think being aware of my surroundings and having the power to make my own choices is very important. Not having the ability to defend myself and losing the ablility to do simple tasks for a night of drunkenness seems pretty stupid. Maybe I'm wrong, the majority of the people would object.
Before the second semester started, I had a little phase were I was obsessed with eyes. Eyes, like dreams, say so much about someone I think. It seems like the only door to someones personality and heart. You can start constructing someones personality by just look deep into their eyes. Maybe its bad to sterotype people but I think it works.

Anywho, sucks that I have to end so abruptly on a cool topic but I must go catch bus 652.

A Fatality!

My big toe on my right foot hurts and I don't know why. Its been hurting since last night. Thats gay like Charles Barkley and Dick Bavetta's kiss. Just kidding, that was actually kind of sexy. But it does suck since we are planning to get outside if this nice weather keeps up.

This weekend was pretty uneventful, but thats okay because it was kind of expected. The only things we had lined up were Old Boy, Melee and Karaoke. Friday started off like any usual Min Lee Friday with lunch with Mom and this time Dick too, class, and bus ride home. We got home sat around for a little while and then decided to truck our lazy asses to Blockbuster and rent the Old Boy. We went to the Plymouth BB first but they didn't have it in stock so they called up the New Hope BB and they did have it so we trucked it over there. Dick saw a Final Fantasy movie at the Plymouth BB and got that. I plan on checking it out when I have some time. We pick up Old Boy at the New Hope BB and jetted back home (We actually rode a jet, crazy, I know). When we got home (Jon's house) there was a lot of bitching going on. "I'm hungry," "I'm fungy," "uhhh..." So some people went to the bank and McDonalds. Well Wells Fargo and McD's isnt that far and it was taking forever so I texted Dean and as I pressed send Dean runs downstairs with a bag of Chipotle. We then got to watch Old Boy. Someone told me about the twist in the movie so as soon as the pieces fell together it was kind of spoiled for me. Still a pretty sweet movie. I can definitely see why this movie won a lot of awards and stuff. For a foreign film, it didn't really have a foreign feel to it. If you get passed the language and all the Korean people running around. But the movie didn't blow me away and thats the case for many acclaimed movies I watch. I would rather watch Dawn of the Dead 2004, or Girl Next Door before I watch Saving Private Ryan or Old Boy. But if you like acclaimed movies this one might be a must see. The movie had a moment that might go down as one of the greatest movie moments in Min Lee Movie History. If you get a chance to see the movie, the part where Dae returns to the "Hotel" and the dotted line from hammer to head is fucking awesome! I'm usually not fond of Quinten Tarintino humor but this one was pulled perfectly. More oriental anime influence then Tarintino. Tarintino can blow a nut and I am skeptical of his upcoming flick. The Old Boy cover had a "Tarintino Stamp of Approval" on it and I could only roll my eyes when I saw it. After that, I'm pretty sure we closed Friday out with a lot of Melee.
Saturday started out with a little church of course. After I trucked it over to Jons (Yes, I did drive a truck down the road). Started off with a little Wii Play which is a neat little game and then some Melee of course. After that Dean made us watch the N.B.A All-Star events. Not all Dean's fault that we watched it cause I asked other people if they wanted to do anything and no one responded. Our little group has such a lack of decision making and leadership skills. Lately Mitch has been saying that I am the unsung leader of our group. Its flattering but at the same time very embarrassing. I never asked for that position but I've also recognized through out the past 6 or so years that I do have that power, but I've been very careful not to abuse it. I think when someone has power they always recognize it even if they don't express it. I don't think Micheal Jordan walked around during the day thinking he sucked at Basketball and asked Dennis Rodman to lead the team. He knew damn well he might be the greatest to ever play the game. I don't think Jessica Alba walks around her house taking down all the mirrors she walks by. I'd bet a right nut (Because I gambled away the left) that she knows she is the most beautiful woman on the Earf (no Typo). I made a promise to myself that if someday I became someone with great power, or if I became famous or something, that I would never abuse my power or let fame get to my head, and that I would always remember my roots. Being in "charge" of a little group of 6-8 people is A LOT of power. I thinking is, if you can't keep a promise with yourself, then how are you going to keep promises with others? Another promise I am still fulfilling is a promise I made with myself in the 5th grade. That I would never drink or smoke until I was of legal age. Smoking never even crossed my mind, that shit is just stupid. But our society seems built on drinking and the pressures it hits you with are tough. Especially when you are hit so closely. I say I was cracked about 1%, but I am way to proud to ever end my fight. Anywho, I totally forgot what I was getting at. Sometimes I start writing and my "soul" takes over and writes for me. I really do have to snap out of it sometimes and catch myself not actually thinking about what I write. But with this lack of leadership, I was thinking maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea if I was a little more forceful (Bad choice of words, but this computer lab is hot as FUCK!). When I ask people, "What do you guys want to do?" I always get an I don't know. Well, if I start forcing things on people, I'm sure it'll start making people think about what they want. A nice little life lesson. But ya, Dean made is watch the NBA events and they sucked. The NBA is a big joke. I think the 4 hours we sat there and watched TNT, there was only about 40 minutes of events. It was ridiculous. I would much rather have spent my time playing Melee (haha, oh, thats more productive), or singing into the Karaoke machine, or going out and running around the shops. Dwight Howard had the sweetest dunk of the night and he didn't even get a high score for it. Just everything about the NBA event night was dumb. After the events we flew over to The Hot Spot (Yea, Jon owns an airplane). Had a little grub and chatted. We had a sweet ass waitress for the first time ever (Well, I guess Shelly was pretty sweet! haha). Rachael tore Red a new ass hole with her comments haha. "Here is your burger Cowboy!" She was cool though. After we went back to Jon's and finished the night out with Melee. I think we played until 3 A.M. Over the weekend I think we registered over 10 hours of Melee. I am so proud of us. I plan on taking notes this up coming weekend and possibly posting a new Melee News Letter. We will see. We just got a weekend planned to get ready for Heaven Weekend. If the weather stays nice, we are going to run around outside and build some stamina, and to rest we are going to sit downstairs, play some music and warp our minds with Melee. And I am forcing that on people haha. No, not really. "I made a promise"

I've come to the conclusion that I am fascinated by dreams. Dreams are so crazy! We had an extended dream talk during one of our early morning Perkins runs that I really enjoyed. We shared all of our weird dreams and tried to dissect them. Some people have had dreams where they are falling into an endless pit, but I don't think I've ever had that dream. I wonder what that dream could symbolize? I once heard that we have dreams every night and that we just don't remember them. I was skeptical but I think I agree now. If you think about dreams you had right when you wake up, they are easier to recall, but sometimes I do that and I can only remember the dream faintly. Dreams are also a representation of your personality and what you are thinking. They probably show a lot about you. The bad thing is, you're the only one that can see you're dream. The person that has the dream is the only one who can learn from it. The thing is, no one in the world has enough self discipline or will power not to morph the meaning of the dream into their liking. Have you ever watched a movie and the story follows a character and throughout the movie, people give him all the pieces to a happy ending but the characters greed or something gets in the way and an easy choice for greatness is turned down for a bad choice? Saw2 and Donnie Wahlberg might be an okay example (But you can't ever take A Wahlberg seriously). Well this is the problem, a dream might be trying to tell you something important, but out of our selfishness we completely ignore the message. Kind of sad. I think dreams are so rich and so crazy. There is no way I could start to understand dreams. Hopefully someone is doing some research out there.

I have to go to Korean class so I have to end this blog short, but before I do, don't you hate people who friend you randomly and don't ever talk to you? It might be hard to say on MySpace with all the bots, but Facebookers have no excuse. I hate it when I get a random friend and I actually have the courtesy to say hi when I accept their friend request and I get no reply. I don't find the concept of two way communication difficult, but it seems like a lot of people do. I've never been able to grasp that until now, since two way communication has always come easy to me. Oh well. People suck.

Round 2 - Fight!

I'm sitting here in the computer lab burning time. I need to wait till 3:30 for Dean to get off but then our bus doesn't get here till 4. I am streaming Anberlin's new CD via Myspace and it sounds pretty sweet so far. I usually can't make an accurate estimate on how much I will like a CD right away. A lot of times I need to CD to grow on me. Still not a lot of plans for the weekend. Lots of Melee and movies maybe? On the way home Joe and I talked about a World Cup on Saturday night. Maybe a football game here soon? I woke up this morning and felt really good, but over these past 2 hours I've become really sluggish. Its weird. Hopefully I pick up really soon here. This computer lab is REALLY hot. I watched 28 Days Later last night and I wasn't dissapointed, again. I was expecting more Zombies or "Infected" as the movies calls them. Thats okay though. The movie isn't as scary from a jump scene, gore, death stand point, but the idea is REALLY scary. The wide distant shots of the empty gray streets are really creepy. 28 Days Later is a more realistic view of what total anarchy from zombies would be like I think. Dawn of the Dead is just more about action. Planning on watching Old Boy this weekend, that should be sweet too. That new Ryan Phillipe movie looks pretty deece as well. I am looking forward to the release of 300 and Captivity. 300 looks amazing! Just the glow up the movie and how artful it looks. The action should be sweet too. My lips are really dry, I yawned and now my lips are cracked. Doesn't it suck when that happens? This inevitable song that is streaming off the Anberlin album is sweet! I am going to add it to my profile now.

Holy shizzy I am bored right now. I am trying to pass the time but it is going really slow. Sitting around with nothing to do isn't helping my sluggishness. I need to get home, and chill! Maybe we need to do some singing tonight. Anywho, I am going to end this and go walk around on the campus.

Round 1- Fight!

Bring on the randomness.

Does it seem like time goes faster and faster as we get older and older? It does to me. Weeks go by like days now. Do your best to enjoy life.

I just have some random things ideas, a couple of stories and some info to blog about.

I just read an article about the whole John Ameichi situation. The article said that Tim Hardaway, the man that could have quite possibly introduced the street cross over to the NBA, said he hates gay people. I believe Ameichi and Hardaway could have been Miami teammates at one point. I didn't know that someone coming out the closet would cause such shock waves throughout the NBA and country. Is it that big of a thing!? I haven't been exposed to much gayness, but I didn't know people were so sensitive about gayness. I knew it was a social issue, but damn, the opinions are that split? Maybe I am wrong for saying so, but whats the big deal? If someone wants to be gay, so be it. Sucks for them cause they will be missing out on some poon, but if they like bootie hole thats cool. As long as they keep their muscle away from me, there ain't no problem. Whats the difference between a dude I don't like coming up to me and a girl I don't like coming up to me. It'd be nice to hear some other opinions.

A funny story that happened to me the other week. In my American history discussion a lot of times we will split off into two groups and have little debates. For one of the debates the topic was about capitalism. I don't really remember what we were talking about at the time, but I thought I had an argument that would be pretty difficult to counter so I brought it up. The other team kind of sat there for a second, it looked as if they had nothing to say about it. All of a sudden this Chinese boy in the corner says something. The thing is, I couldn't understand what he said cause he had such a thick chink accent, but I guess the people around him and the T.A understood what he said. All I heard was "Clink-clank-ping-pong-bonk." I didn't know how to respond to it and neither did my side. I couldn't ask him to repeat what he just said cause I felt like I was being rude. Just asking someone to repeat themselves isn't rude, but in my mind asking him to repeat himself felt like telling him he sucks at english (Go back to China bitch!). It was kind of awkward.

The up coming weekend doesn't hold a lot of plans but I do have some things in mind. I know I want to watch 28 Days Late and Old Boy. I wanted to watch 28 Days Later last week with the group, but no one expressed any interests and I didn't want to force the movie upon anyone (Bitches, don't act like you like zombies anymore! I hate you all!! haha). I know a couple of people in our group are not really good with horror movies, so its kind of understandable. BUT! People forced me to watch Oceans 11 or 12 or both or whatever number it is. Those movies suck! You all should get off Clooneys dick, unless you guys are like John Ameichi (Fags!). I will most likely watch 28 Days Later by myself when I have some time this weekend. But Dean snatched Old Boy off the HUB and I am excited to see it. Its a Korean film and I guess it dominated to international circuit. A kid in my Korean class said the closest thing American has to offer are the Saw movies. I asked my Mom who saw and it and she said it wasn't that gory or violent. So I don't know what to expect anymore, cause my Mom isn't a fan of gore and if she says it isn't gory, and someone who has seen Saw says it is gory...uhhh...what? The Korean film industry seems to be booming! I may need to truck my ass on over to Korea and look into film! I want to check out more Korean flicks because the culture prioritizes morals differently and that most likely influence their movies. There is beat down scene in "Tae-Guk-Ki" and others thought it was brutal, but thats how I invision a proper beat down. There are two other Korean movies I still want to check out called "The Host" and "Natural City." The Host was slated to hit the US in January but I'm thinking in select areas. While on the topic of international film, has anyone gotten sucked into the Bollywood hype? I don't know how Bollywood rolls now'a days, but I was forced to check out some Bollywood back in the day, and that shit REALLY SUCKS! No one wants to watch Indian Sound of Music ALL DAY! They have this porno like real life situation feel, but instead of sex, it all ends up in dancing. Fuck that! I don't know about you, but I would rather watch a group of fine women walk into a cooperate office and somehow find a way to fuck. I don't want to watch a group of Indians walk into a McDonald's and start dancing and singing. Maybe I'm a perv.

From that recent Melee post I made, I got a request to post some more as we play. So I was thinking and I might make it like a new letter type of thing. Maybe updates every Month, and statistical updates every 2 months or something like that? I don't know, we'll see. Might be cool, might be gay. Probably gay, but thats okay you John Ameichi, Oceans 12 loving fucks.

One more funny story. This story might lose some value when written out cause I think its much more funny when told with a voice, but fuck it. In my career exploration class we took a personality survey. The survey has 4 or 5 different categories and each category is split into two opposites. For example one of the categories could be something like social interaction and the two opposites could be outgoing and personal. The two opposites are usually abbreviated. Well one of the categories had a P and an F. My teacher was telling us a story where she got into an argument with another guy and in the middle of it, she thought of the two opposites. My teacher told us that she has a lot of P and the other guy had a lot of F and that is why they couldn't see eye to eye. So she stopped and brought up the personality survey. She told him that your F'ness is combating my P'ness. Haha, think about it.

You know what has been bothering me a lot lately...Male interaction. You know the stereotype where dudes always are punching each other and wrestling. Well its true, and its FUCKING RIDICULOUS! Once in a while, when the time is right I don't mind getting a little physical, but out of no where and always!? People are really bad at feeling the moment and timing. I am ashamed to be a guy when I see this. I love concerts and going into mosh pits, but the timing at atmosphere is right. I hate pointless injuries that happen to me because someone wants to get frisky. If you're going to injure me, just break a bone or something, I don't want nagging injuries cause being uncomfortable for a week is much worse. Next time someone gets frisky with me, I just might punch them in the face. Think about it, when someone is tickling you, you are defenseless. You don't want to tickle them back cause you don't believe in such gayness, and if you use any more force its too violent. You're just stuck. I also found out that I absolutely hate Nerf guns. Worst thing created. I hate it when people point Nerf guns are me. Cause some day I'm going to get hit in the eye and I am going to cut someone. I value my perfect eye sight very much. I sometimes tell people you are going to hit me in the eye, but never has a person actually said, ya, you're right. They all deny that could actually happen and focus more of their attention on me. 1, your aim sucks, I dont care who you are, I know it does. 2, those guns aren't accurate. Fuck everyone that likes Nerf guns. Fuck laser pointers too. There are tons of Nerf guns at Jon's house and I think I've shot one of his guns once. Just to figure out it works (Know your enemy). I don't mind when Jon uses it, cause I think he has shot a gun at me once or twice, thats legit. We should burn all Nerf guns. I hate it when people tug at me or push me around. I get it, your manly. All you're doing is stretching out my clothes or what ever is attached to me or fucking up my G spot by shoving me. I hate it when you are walking with people and they walk so crooked they walk into you. Try walking in a strait line you fuck. OR, when people force their way in between you and someone else so they can be right in the middle of a conversation. God damn people are dumb. I think its great that North Korea is developing nukes.

I'm actually in a good mood.

Ever since I got to school today, I've been aching to like sing. I've been mouthing the songs that have been playing on my iPod and I probably look retarded, but thats okay.

Impact

I just got done with my Korean class and it might have been the greatest class I have been to in recent memory. We watched a documentary on the Korean culture. The documentary put so many things in front of me that I wasn't able to put into words. The documentary helped me understand myself more then any other class I've been in. Its easy for me to understand what I'm feeling and how I work, duh, but I was never able to explain it to others. I knew my passion, my morals, and the way I go about things was because I'm my Korean background. I may have Korean blood pumping through my body, but my mind is very American. It was hard for me to explain a lot of the concepts that the Korean culture had to offer. The video blew me away.

It was cool for me to see how outside cultures view the Korean culture and what things Korean people take pride in. Of course the video only had good things to say about the Korean culture, but thats okay because I understand some of the negative things and I also understand that some of the negative things are because of how much pride they take in the good things. A lot of the negative things have higher excuses that support what they do. There seemed to be a lot of British scholars that were being interviewed and although I bet the video was edited so only the good things came out, the people still have to understand and explain the good things.

The video dug into the history and kind of explained how the Korean people built the mentality they live today. There was this book they read some lines out of. The book sounded like it was written by someone trying to explain the culture to others. One of the lines stated, "These people put honor ahead of their own lives." Ain't that the fucking truth. I've always tried to be a honorable person. Honor encompasses so much to me. Loyalty, honesty, and many many more morals. Living in the American culture, it was confusing to me how people just say things, or do things, and how blindly they look at things. I know a lot of ignorant people and it is so frustrating sometimes to see how they go about things. It was relieving to know that there might a bunch of people out there that see life the way I do. It just seems like sometimes I have a wider view on life. I think someone like Kevin Garnett would understand what I am saying. Not a lot of people I know personally understand what I mean. I think the best example of someone I know personally would be Joe Barnett. He is a very life savvy person and understands a lot of the things that go on around him. Otherwise, I can't think of another name that is even close.

Pride is a wonderful thing if you can focus it well. I think Koreans are able to do this. In the video people talked about the 2002 Korea-Japan World Cup. People talked about how much pride the Koreans took in the games. And when they were eliminated, the emotion the Koreans showed caught people unexpectedly. A foreigner compared the passion and heart the Koreans showed to other nations. He compared the Chinese and Koreans directly but later elaborated and explained the difference between the world and Korea. I think he mentioned the Chinese to show that Korea differs from the other oriental countries. He explained that when the Koreans lost, everyone cried, and how much it affected everyones lives. He said many Koreans couldn't get it off their minds and that they lost sleep over the defeat. He said when the Chinese lost, they just went home and that it was the same with other countries. When other countries lose, they just treat it as a game. A lot of people look at me and think I am crazy when it comes to sports. I often get the impression people think I take things to serious and that I am half insane for taking a friendly backyard football game so seriously. And to a point, I thought they were right. We live in a country where majority rules and what the majority thinks is right. What if the majority is wrong? I would say I have lost 75% of my intensity and only a few that were around back in the day would understand what I am talking about. I am very mild compared to whe I was younger. I changed myself, but I will always have some of that fire in me. Its just a problem of no one understand me and my makeup. I just don't understand why people only work when there is a public incentive. People don't work hard unless they know they will get credit for it. It shows how selfish people are now'a days. I do a lot of things under the radar and I look after after a lot of things and people have no idea I'm doing them, but thats okay, I know and thats rewarding enough to me. I explained to Dean one day while playing Melee that I see a lot of things going on the screen that other people don't see. I think he kind of got what I was talking about. I was furious on New Year's eve when we played football in the snow. A lot people before the game showed excitment and talked about how hard they are going to try. After the first play, everything they claimed went to shit. Again, I can't explain my feelings, but the way they went about things made me want to kill myself and them. People talk a lot, but can't back things up. I can't grasp why, not talking, and letting actions speak hasn't caught on. Before the game Mitch was one of the most vocal persons. But in the middle of the game, he would stop running routes, he wouldn't block and I had to ask him to pick it up. I wouldn't point out someones short comings if he hadn't expressed dedication before the game. It was a 3v3 game and the whole other team was full of short comings. I am glad Andy played that day cause if it wasn't for him, I might have hanged myself. Later my anger was brought up. I tried to make some peope understand but again, it didn't work. Jon kept asking me things and I asked him, "Doesnt it bother you that you aren't dominating when we play?" He had a split answer and came up with some excuses. I don't see any reason why Jon couldn't run over ever single player that plays in our little group. Jon is bigger, faster, stonger then almost everyone. Its sad that I can kill ever single person in our little group even though physically I may be the 2nd or 3rd smallest. Jon complained about not making the A team this year for hockey. I know even though things bother Jon, he doesn't really work to make things better for himself. I've never seen Jon dedicated to anything. So I told him, I've never notcied him working out, or shapening his skills and that there is probably a reason he is on B. He quickly came out and told me that politics made it so he couldnt make A. Which I believe is partly true, but not completely. People are so quick to bust out excuses. One day after backyard football we were eating dinner and we were discussing the game and Mitch brought up that I was offensively pass interfering cause I was pushing him off the block. That day I was a little ticked off and I played very physical and I had dominated people physically all day. I correct Mitch and he tried to deny it but Dean came to my support. Dean was on Mitch's team so there wasn't much he could say after it. I guess he hadn't heard of the 5 yeard bump rule. When I watch the football video I made from the game we played in the fall, there are so many laughable things others are doing.

I am just usuing my friends as examples, but I'm ure this applys everyone. And trust me, I love my friends to death even though it may not sound like it here. Thats another thing that the documentary touched on. That Koreans are very loyal and I think loyalty is one of the most important things. It is very hard to find now'a days. I've never been someone to make friends just to make friends. When I make close friends, I do it thinking that when I'm 50, I will still be in touch with them. I think this effects my dating life too. I'm not just going to jump into a relationship just so I can say I have a girlfriend. Thats dumb. I don't want to look back and have regrets. My Mom and Jon both brought up that they think the first girl I meet, will most likely me the one. I think this could very well happen. As long as the other person lets me, I will always be there. A-Christ and I went through a tough time a couple of summers ago. Long story and I don't care to go into that. But its crazy that we are starting to hang out again. I hate to bring up Melee again, but even in video games I believe in sticking to one character and keeping up with tradition. Tradition was another thing the video talked about. They said Koreans have found a way to fit into the new media life style while maintaining thier old ways. I think its amazing that they can adapt and still remember their history, who they are and keep their identity.

Well thats enough preaching, bitching and trying to explain how I feel on thing.

WHOLE ZOMBIE DREAM DRAFT

This whole blog is going to be dedicated to the Zombie Dream I had maybe two years ago now. I went through a huge zombie and horror phase, I guess I still am, and I am still feeling the ripples of that part of my life. When I have dreams, I remember the dream clearly right when I wake up but the dream slowly decays away as my morning grogginess wears off. I think this is the case for everyone. But when I woke from this dream, I was so amazed and blown away that I kept reciting the dream to myself. In the shower, when making my breakfast, when brushing my teeth, etc. I wanted to remember this dream. I have most of the major events memorized, but a lot of the little details have faded. I think I first told this dream to Jon and a couple of others over a fire in Jon's backyard. Then later at Dean's house during a spring break North Dakota trip. I told a shortened version at Applebees once since A-Christ wanted to hear it. During that sitting, Mitch claimed I had some facts were flipped around since the North Dakota telling. This could be true, this could be false. I like to think it is false because no one else made these claims and I know Mitch isn't a fan of the dream because he feels it isn't a real depiction of his personality or military approach. Whatever! Hopefully I will have my facts strait when I write this out because now it will be documented and solidified. I will try me best to write the story in chronological order. When I told the bare-bones version at Applebees I shuffled the order around to speed the story up cause I didn't think Jon and some other wanted to hear it for a third time. If I miss some points, I will just insert them from where I am in the story cause I don't plan to do any proof reading or editing. Its just a fucking blog of some weak ass (or tight ass) dream I had. Also, I will be saving the blog as a draft and picking up the story in between classes so I can pass the time. This may hurt the cohesiveness of the story but oh well. Suck a big one.

Ch.1
The dream starts off in my basement bedroom on a normal sunny summer day. Something makes me believe it was August (Maybe the smell and feel of summer vacation in its prime). I close the blinds in my room tighter because the rays of the sun are sneaking in between the cracks. I start the day off like any other day by hopping on the computer. Load up Internet Explorer and pops up my Yahoo Fantasy Sports homepage. Check my fantasy baseball team(I was most likely beating Dean haha) and then transition to the main yahoo page to read the headlines. The top story was about some weird killings that occurred earlier that morning some place in Wisconsin. The bloody pictures of the story grab my attention and I skip my MySpace run. I read into the story and it sounded like something out of the beginning of Dawn of Dead 2004. Strange gory deaths have been happening in Wisconsin since the early part of the morning that have sent towns there into chaos. As I am reading this my cell phone blares and I kind of jump out of my seat. At this time, I had my old Samsung Sprint phone where I had dedicated ring tones for all my friends. Dawson's hip-hop theme looped a couple of times before I got back to my room. I pick it up and the conversation starts out like any Dawson and Min talk with a "Hello?" "Whuddup dude?" and "Nothing, you?" Then Dawson tells me to turn on the news where Dawson claims helicopters were covering some explosions that happened in Wisconsin. To lazy to walk up stairs I ask him to explain whats going on to me. He puts the strange murder stories and the chaos stories together and explains that this could be the rise of Zombies in an almost excited tone. This has already crossed my mind but in a skeptical voice I play along. Dawson oblivious of my doubting that Zombies could really exist continues to elaborate on the Wisconsin situation which leads to him asking me to implement my Zombie survival plan. The request kind of punches me in the chest unexpectedly and I could only respond with an, "Uhh...okay, I'll call you back." After I get off the phone with Dawson, I had to take a moment and think to myself how stupid can this guy really be? But deep down inside, something told me to take this more seriously. I then play the whole telling people that Zombies are attacking humans scenario out in my head. I would tell everyone, they would tell their parents, we would get laughed at, later we would find out that the violence has just been a wild riot and the explosions are due to extreme summer heat or something. But I still thought this could be a very serious threat, so I found a way to avoid the embarrassment and still get the information across. I would act as if it were a joke and tell all my friends (great defensive mechanism). I would start by asking them what they had planned for the day and all of them replied nothing, which is the exact response I was looking for. I told them that we were going shopping today and getting ready for the day that Zombies attack. I told them it was something to do. On the car ride to Cub Foods I planted the seed that maybe Zombies had indeed risen in Wisconsin. Of course I presented the information in a humorous tone, and now everyones imagination started waking up and now everyone was talking. They all of course talked about it in a humorous manner. "I am going to blow the head off of a Zombie." "Dude, if a Zombie is after us, I am going to trip you." This is when Dawson interrupts their party and informs them that this is a real threat. That he saw Zombies on CNN and across the news stations. Everyone begins to doubt Dawson's words but Dawson was determined to drill it into their heads that this is the real deal. Dawson eventually becomes furious with everyones stubbornness and begins to yell at them. He says after we buy some supplies we can go back to my house and search for some information on the internet. We get to my place and Dawson manages to pull up some very convincing information about what has been going on in Wisconsin this morning. Convincing enough to make me further believe in the situation. This whole time I just stood there and let Dawson do all the work. My approach would have been half-assed and having Dawson represent the both of us made my job a lot easier. Dawson even manages to pull up a recently uploaded pixelated helicopter video that zooms in on a bloody man running across the street at above normal speeds to tackle a terrified man into an alley. The camera pans out and the angle is cut off by a buildings corner but you can still see the legs of the scared man kicking for help. The video then cuts out. Dawson spins around in the rotating desk chair and looks into a sea of pale paces. Everyone now is 99.9% convinced. They ask him if he is joking and if that video was a joke and Dawson with a strait face tells them no. Our little group was all in and now on the same page. Now it was just a problem of getting everyones parents to jump on. I brought up the fact that all of our parents will not believe us. We tried Dawson's and Jon's parents first. Went over to Jon's and found Connie and Jim sitting in the living room watching the news. Dawson and a few went downstairs so Dawson could call his parents. Jon puts on an act that nothing is wrong and playfully asks his parents what they are doing. They don't answer and continue to stare at the T.V. Jon moves in closer and cuts off their view and asks them agian. They respond this time but in an aggravated voice. By this time I caught on to what they were watching. They were watching the same footage that Dawson pulled up. The news was still sending the message that it was just a bunch of riots. Jon catches on and asks his parents what they thought and although they didn't just come out and say what we were thinking, you could hear in their voice that they thought it was something much deeper then riots. I walked downstairs to check up on Dawson and left Jon to talk to his parents. As I get downstairs I see that everyone is sitting around watching the news. Dawson is in the back still on the phone with his Mom who also has the same channel on. Jon runs downstairs and starts talking to the others. My mind is racing and the sounds around me are starting to blur out. I can only hear Jon's voice in the distance and Dawson's mumble next to me. I come back to my senses when Dawson yells my name. I don't know how much time has passed. Dawson and Jon let me know that their parents also feel that something is very wrong. I didn't really think we would get their approval and didn't really have the next step planned out, but I figured the next task was getting the approval of Mitch's and my parents and the collecting supplies. After everyone understood the situation we all met at Jon's house to plan out with type of supplies we would need. Everyone had their own list of priorities and we tried to come up with a systematic way of organizing everyones needs. The general consensus was that defense was the top priority, followed by food and making our surroundings as comfortable as we can. Defense meant guns. Lots of them. I personally didn't have any connections but the other people had a few. The only person I knew that would have the hook up was Jon's uncle Larry and Jon's friend Tony. We had Jon contact Tony and Jim contact Larry. Everything worked out and the people we called were on board. We then set out to pick up more supplies. We had a basic defense but wanted to improve and we wanted to stock up on other essentials. We loaded all of our valuables and I made sure everyone was on the same page. We then double checked everything, prayed and set out. Our journey for survival was about to begin.

Ch.2
Everyone slowly walks out of Jon's garage and into their cars. We had around 6 cars or so and 5 families to carry. We thought out strategically which cars would help us carry the most equipment, which would give us the best defense and which would be best for gas. At Jon's kitchen table before we set out, I explained my zombie survival plan and everyone agreed to it. Our first destination would be to stop at a small gun shop and "borrow" more guns and ammunition. The roads were mostly calm but there was an unusual amount of police sirens. It appeared that most of citizens didn't think the news was serious. The drive was quick and painless. We all crawl out of our cars and males gather with what weapons we had. We had a couple of handguns but we figured the shotguns would be our representatives. The plan was secure the area and then to have more people come in and snatch the supplies we would need. The store is dark, small and and quiet. I don't think there were any customers in the store. We walk around like any browsing customer would and scan the store. The cashier, who appears to be the only person working the floor, asks if we need any help. We tell him no and continue to browse giving each other silent signals about what we wanted. Eventually a couple of us walk over the the front desk and pretend to look at the items underneath the glass, but were really there to secure the cashier. A couple of the guys pull out big bags and start loading them up. The cashier starts to look around worried angling his head over the counters so he could get a better view. He begins to walk to the back room when a couple of guys hold him up. The cashier understanding he is fucked just stands there with his hands behind his head. Someone runs out and requests a couple of more people to come in and they do with big bags. The "borrowing" process is quick. We leave some cash on the table, which isn't even close to enough, and leave slowly with eyes on the cashier. We all quickly start up our engines and get back on the highway. The roads are fairly empty and we are able to stay in our defensive formation line. We expected to be chased by some cops sooner or later but nothing. You could hear distant sirens and thats when I began to think that maybe the police and other officials had bigger fish to fry. A gun store robbery was now at the bottom of their priorities. Our next stop was North Dakota to pick up Dean and his family. No one has notified Dean yet and I begin to worry that they won't be convinced by what he has seen so far. Stealing guns and leaving everything behind is a pretty big commitment. I am in the passenger seat of Dawson's Chevy Impala and I give Dean a call. We start out with a little small talk and I ask him if he has seen the news. Both of us are to embarrassed to actually express what we are feeling about the whole situation. We start off slow but Dean brings up the fact that the one of the news stations officially brought up the idea that the dead are walking. I ask him what he thinks and he says he is a little worried. After a little more small talk, I tell him what we have been up to and that we are headed North to come get him. He expresses some interest and tells me that he will call us back in a bit after he gets everything straitened out with his family. After I get off the phone with Dean I call the other cars letting them know that the news station Dean mentioned has officially brought up the idea of infected people, or walking dead. We are driving north and after I have some time to calm my mind, we did just rob a gun store, I look out Dawson's window to see that cars going south have piled up. I guess people are starting to buy into this threat. Why south? I guess that the city is providing some sort of protection plan. To populated. I'll pass. People are panicky and stupid. The car ride is quiet. My phone rings. I answer and Dean in a calm voice says that he and his family will be waiting for us. I ask him if the panic has reached North Dakota yet and he says not really and that people are out stocking up on food and supplies, but it isn't extremely out of control. I ask him if it would be possible if him and his family could go out and buy some more food and supplies they think would be necessary and he says yes. I tell him after he finishes with that, that he should stay inside his house with doors locked. I tell him that we should be there in about 3 hours or so and we hang up. 3 hours is shorter then normal, but we are speeding and I figure if cops don't care we robbed a gun store, they won't care if we are going 80 in a 55. The ride is quiet. Dawson eventually speaks up. He tries to cut the tension and tries to keep the mood light by goofing around. He says, "Isn't this just the way we planned it?" I laugh lightly and acknowledge his question. We joke around about what life might be like in 3 weeks. We keep our images bright and happy. "It shouldn't be to bad," Dawson says. We quit talking for a little while and Dawson puts a CD in. A mix. We get out of the city and passed the suburbs and now its just interstate between us and Dean's place. The line of cars heading south into the city ended about 40 minutes ago. I tell Dawson to get off on the next exit. He asks why and turns to get off. I tell him that I want to see how everyone is doing, regroup, restock and take a fucking shit. We pull into an empty parking lot of a warehouse type store. Our cars are the only cars in a giant parking lot and its creepy. Everyone gets out and asks me why we have stopped. They seem cranky. I thought I was doing them a favor. I told them what I told Dawson, that I wanted to see how everyone was doing, keep our spirits up, regroup, restock, stretch, and shit. We assign everyone with a weapon since I wanted everyone to be prepared for what might be in the store. A mixture of the young males and their fathers with heavy weapons are chosen to enter first. Then mixture of the females and older males in the rear. Our priority was to keep everyone safe, especially the women and children. The first line forms at the automatic doors. The doors don't open. Fuck, already a unexpected barrier. I tell Dawson to hold my pistol. I grab the doors and before I pry them open I tell everyone to make sure their guns are loaded and ready. Everyone checks their ammo and clicks their safeties off. Appears as though no one did this while we were at the cars and I give them a minute to check everything over. Good thing I brought it up. Dawson checks my gun for me even though it has been checked about 5 times already before we got to the doors. I appreciate his kindness. I tell Jon and Mitch that when I bust open the doors that I want them to criss cross with Jon securing the left and Mitch guarding the right. I tell them I don't want them going in any deeper. I look at Dawson and signal that I want my gun right away when I open the doors. I yell back to the Dads that after Mitch and Jon secure the entrance, that they should move in and support and that Dawson and I will walk in right after and take point. I take a deep breath dip my shoulders and pull. The doors slide open. The air inside is warm and thick and has a dry stench to it. Most of the lights are turned off so its dark. The store is big. Jon and Mitch are already in their spots and the adults move in. Dawson hands me my pistol and we weave through and get to the front. I click for Jon and Mitch to move up. There are a lot of the aisles and I want to secure every single one before we start grabbing stuff. Its quiet and as we get deeper into tho store the sun light coming through the windows becomes darker. After about the 10th aisle Jon and Mitch begin to let their guard down. They being to walk standing strait up and out of formation. I snap quietly and tell them to get lower and back in line. They do for about 2 more aisles and then get tired of it and start to talk out load. When they do I grab Mitch around the collar and I as quietly and firmly as I can grunt in his face to shut the fuck up and I glare at Jon. I didn't want them relaxing and influencing the rest of the group to let their guard down. They fall back in line but I can hear them now mumbling about how Min is a little bitch. I ignore it as long as they follow the plan. While I was cussing the two bone heads out Dawson was still advancing the team slowly. I am surprised at his discipline and leadership skills since he is known as the group Rambo. We maze through most of the store and reach the back. After everyone finishes their business, using the bathroom, stocking up, or whatever it may be, we regroup. Jon and Mitch start walking casually to towards the front and I grab Jon by his shirt and signal them back. They reluctantly assimilate. We sneak back up towards the front and when we get close I tell Dawson that I want him to lead the people out back into the parking lot. I tell him not to stop until everyone is out and safe. He nods and asks what I am going to do. I tell him I am going to let everyone pass and that I am going to guard the rear. As they begin to walk I grab Jon and signal that he should start guarding the other side of the line and to keep looking toward the back of the store for a sneak attack. Our line is longer then I originally thought. I am tempted to to turn and see how Dawson is progressing, but I stay disciplined and trust that he is doing a good job. When the back of the line passes me on my left I see a object moving in the dark. It catches my attention quick and I tap Jon on the shoulder to back me while I move in a little closer. I take a couple of steps and begin to make out it a person. The figure turns around. It is Tony picking at a door that says "employees only" on it. I tell him to get outside and that everyone is waiting for him. He tells Jon and me to hold on for just second because he is going to go in quick and snag some cash. I tell him money has no value anymore and that we should just leave. He continues to to pick at the locked door. Jon cusses at him. The door cracks open and he looks back at us and gives us "I told you so" smile. He swings the door open and takes a step in and from his left he is tackled. Jon and I both jump. Tony is now screaming and yelling and I can't make out what is exactly going on. I look out the door and see that everyone is loading up the cars and soon will be ready to go. I take a quick step towards the entrance door and stop. Jon is still standing there. I pull on him and he comes back to his senses. I yell that we need to get the fuck out of here. We run out the doors quickly and I close them behind me. Jon runs all the way to the cars and it startles everyone. I jog back with an eye on the doors. Jon is breathing hard and tries to explain what happened between his attempts to breath. I walk into the group of people with my head down. I am sweating like crazy and I feel heavy. I keep checking the door frequently, pistol ready. The group gets fed up with Jon's attempt to explain what happened and it feels like all the heads turn toward me at once. I just stare at the ground. The paint for the parking lines look new. Bright yellow. I didn't want to be the one to tell them the bad news. I felt guilty, because I felt was my fault that Tony is still in there. Is he dead? One of Tony's parents realizes that he isn't with the group and speaks up. Busted Min. Fuck. I swallow hard break it to them bluntly that Tony is dead. Everyone gasps and stumbles back. I feel lighter. Questions start to fly everywhere and it all sounds like a mess to me. I pay no attention to the questions because I can't make any sense out of the noises and I keep replaying what just happened in my head. When I catch my self drifting, I hear Jon trying to answer some of the questions. He has calmed down. After everyone calms down we regroup and replan. Tony's family decides to go off on their own and I honor their decision. We give them their belongings and some extra supplies and watch them drive off. They turn to go back south. Guess they decided on the Cities. Someone finally says that we should continue to Dean's place and we start packing up and slowly people get back into their cars. My feet feel like they are cemented into the ground and I don't feel like moving. Everyone is now back in their cars and ready to go, but I can't take my eyes off the stores doors. Shouldn't we check if he is still alive? Even though we know he is gone. Dawson comes over and grabs me by the shoulder and guides me toward the car. I take one look before I take a seat. Dawson starts up his engine and we continue north.

Ch.3
The roads are dead and the ride is quiet. The sun is orange and it keeps trying to peek over the clouds. Dawson and I don't say much. I think its hard to actually acknowledge that some one died. This wasn't part of the plan. It is hard for me to get my thoughts strait. Every time I try to plan out what needs to be done next, my mind wanders back and I try to play out what happened back at the store differently, but it always ends the same way. We are getting close to the Fargo exit and before we do I tell Dawson to pull off into the next exit so we can regroup before we get to Dean's. This time I am making sure no one is left behind. Dawson exits and the rest of the cars follow and we all park at a gas station and talk out next move over. Everyone seems okay and back to their normal selves. Maybe I am being to hard on myself. The sun is getting darker and I wanted to get to Dean's before dark but there is no way we can get there that fast. A couple of headlights can be seen coming toward us and they seem really bright since the sun is going down. They drive into the parking lot and a couple of people hop out. Cory Johnson and Andy Christenson are the first people I see. I don't say hi. Out of all the people, and all the places, they are here. I let Dawson and some of the parents do all the talking. I hop back in the car. Dawson and Cory walk up to my door and I step out. Cory pats me on my shoulder and says hi and I give him a quick look and I ask Dawson, "Whats up?" Dawson informs me that Cory's group will be joining us. I guess thats what I get for not being involved in the discussion. I give Dawson a silent "Are you serious" look and grit my teeth behind my lips. I don't say anything and hop back in the car. Andy's parents and Jon's parents are talking and the kids are off interacting. I get sick of waiting in the car and I come out. Cory, Laura and Tiffany all say hi and I only reply back to Tiffany. I remind the parents that we need to get moving and they agree. I ask Dawson in the car why he thought it would be a good idea to take Cory's group with us. He says that he thinks it would be a good idea to have more people. I tell him that you can't fuck with chemistry and that I would take quality over quantity any day. Dawson tells me that the our parents thought it would be a good idea too. Of course they do I think to myself. "Did you fill the new group in on what our plan is?" I ask Dawson, He says yes. My intuition tells me that this is not going to work out well, but I accept it. I also know that if I keep ignoring Cory's group while they are working with us, that it will hurt the whole group. So I choke back my pride and tell myself from now on I will forget the past. I call Cory and I ask him how everyone in their camp is and he says everyone is fine. I ask him if I can talk to Andy. Cory passes the phone to Andy and we just say quickly say hello and small talk for a second then he passes the phone to Tiffany. Tiffany and I babble for a little then we hang up. We get to Grand Forks, the city is still pretty calm. We get to Dean's house and he lets us in. Everyone goes off into the own little clumps and talk. I catch Dean up on what we have been doing and he tells us what he and his family has been doing. After everyone settles we go back out and carry some things from the car into Dean's house. Everyone is so casual about it and it bothers me. I don't help move things in but I stand out in Dean's drive way and keep an eye out for anything suspicious. Maybe I am overreacting. We all have dinner together and it is very filling. Everyone sits around and chats after dinner. Everyone is up beat and happy. I'm forced to bring everyone back to earth because I want to plan out what we need to do tomorrow. After we get everything planed out, everyone relaxes and starts joking again. Cory brings up a bunch of beers and liquor and begins to pass it around. I ask Dean, Jon, Mitch not to partake. They follow up on my request. I didn't want a bunch of drunks trying to defend them selves. We walk downstairs to find thats where all the kids are. They ask me whats going on and I tell them everyone is upstairs getting drunk. Leah, Natalie, Katie and Tiffany are playing with David in the corner. Dick, Jon, Mitch and I sit around and just chat. Tiffany joins us later. I tell them that the plan is to leave when the sun comes up so we can maximize our time with daylight, but that I doubt it will happen with what is going on up stairs. Thats okay, Dean doesn't like the morning anyways. Cory walks downstairs and begins to make strange noises and is very disruptive. He knocks some things over and they shatter and when I look at Dean he doesn't seem to mind. I guess those were things they were planning to leave behind. Efficient, I like that. I try to guide Cory back upstairs softly but it doesn't work and I resort to pulling him up. I wanted to relax, calm my mind and talk things over with my friends. Tiffany gets up and walks toward the stairs to go up and I'm about to reach out and I take a breath to ask her to stay, but nothing comes up and I let her go. We set up our sleeping bags and get everything ready for bed. I want some people to at least get a good nights sleep. I go up stairs to see how everyone is doing and to suggest that people should try and get some rest. The Johnson's are drunk and Tiffany is looking after them, and the Franklin's are also drunk. My parents are doing fine and so are Dean's parents. I suggest sleep but my words just go through the two drunk families, but the mildly buzzed families tell me they will take care of everyone upstairs. I walk downstairs and Tiffany follows. I feel bad because now its only a group of drunk parents up stairs I they are pretty defenseless. I walk down and some of the younger kids are sleeping. I tell Dean, Jon and Mitch that we might need to keep an eye on the parents up stairs. I tell them to have their weapons ready just in case. Everyone in the basement thats not already sleeping crawls into their sleeping bags. Before I roll into mine I throw another blanket over the youngsters. We all lay there and just chat about random things. The parents are pretty noisy upstairs. Slowly people begin to fall asleep. I think Dean and Tiffany are the last ones to fall asleep. It sounds like most of the parents upstairs are starting to fall asleep too. For some reason I can't go to bed. I just roll around under my sleeping bag and stare at the ceiling. I get fed up and I roll out and I just sit there on the couch with my chin on my hands. Tiffany and Dean are sleeping next to me and they look peaceful, almost smiling in their sleep. I tip toe to the bathroom and take a piss then return to the couch. I check my pistol to see if its loaded. Fully loaded, good. I walk upstairs to see how the parents are doing and they are all snoozing. They all looked relaxed and it makes me comfortable just looking at them. Dawson and Cory are sleeping on the table with drool hanging from their mouths. I sit at the bottom of the stairs that connects the up stairs and split. I look at all the shoes in the little room. I look at the door and I keep imagining something busting through them and it makes me grip my gun tighter. I think I sit there for a couple of hours and then walk back downstairs to try my luck with some sleep. I jump into my sleeping bag and the ruckus wakes Dean and Tiffany up. They ask me what I'm doing up so late and I just tell them that I couldn't sleep and that everything is okay. I lay there, and soon I doze off.

Morning. Sunny and humid. When I open my eyes I see some of kids that went to bed first are awake and my parents and Dean's parents are packing things. I get up and nudge Jon so he wakes up. I figure Dean won't be much help in the morning, and a grumpy Mitch wouldn't do us any good. Jon and I start cleaning and packing. Most of the parents are still sleeping. Slowly everyone starts to wake up about a hour later. All the people upstairs are grumpy and hung over and they all try to wash up. I can't believe how relaxed they are and how careless they are. The plan was to leave as soon as the sun came up and we were already plenty late. I just tell everyone to hurry the fuck up. While people are washing up I pack everything and set it by the door. When everyone is ready we meet up to talk the plan over. I feel like I have to tell everyone a billion times because they aren't taking things seriously. We have to incorporate the new group. I think of a new line we are going to drive in, I tell everyone to switch contact information, I assign weapons and go over other details. Everyone looks like they understand. I start thinking to myself no wonder Tony died, he joined a group of idiots. I go back downstairs and discuss things over with Dean and Jon before we load the cars. I tell them how upset I am with everyone being so damn calm. They tell me not to worry, but it doesn't help much. I go back up stairs and tell everyone its time to roll. Before we open the door I talk to my parents and make sure they understand what is going on. I think about riding with them, but I didn't want to set a bad example. Got to follow the plan. I make sure they have their weapons and everything they need. I give them all hugs and tell them we will talk soon. I give the people at the door the signal to open the door. Before Dean, Jon and Mitch walk out I tell them to keep their eyes open. I tell them that the others are to relaxed and that we may need to step up. A couple of people grab some bags and walk out casually. Dean, Jon and Mitch walk out without any bags but station them selves so they can cover the others. I walk out with my family and I grab a bag from my Moms hand and set it into the Suburban. I watch Leah and Richard hop into the car then I head back in the house to grab some more stuff. I give Dean, Jon and Mitch a head nod on the way in letting them know I like what they are doing. As I walk in I see Tiffany trying to carry a heavy bag up the stairs so I help her. I grab it from her and carry it out to the Johnson's ride for her. I ask the Johnson's how they are doing and they joke around. I go back in to check if we have everything and it looks like we do. I tell everyone else to double check. While people are going in and out I stand with Dean, Jon and Mitch on guard. I tell them that they should go in quick and double check too. Everyone comes out, and Dean's Dad locks the door behind him. I tell everyone to make sure their guns are ready and to drive safely. Off to Canada.

Ch.4
It seems like we've been driving forever since I've never driven in this area before and Dawson and I aren't leading anymore. The roads are very empty. I see one of our cars swerving left and right and I think something is wrong but then I realize it is the car Cory is driving and I don't pay much attention to it. I just figure he is goofing off. We only make one pit stop the the whole drive, but we since we left so late it isn't a big deal. We all eat grouped together in an empty parking lot. The sun looks ready to set and we decide that we need to find a place to stay for the night. We drive a couple hours and we find an empty motel. Looks dirty and cheap but it works. The sun is gone and I don't want to drive while its dark. A couple of people start walking casually towards the office door and I catch them quickly. I tell them that no one is probably there but that we should at least enter with caution. They seem to reluctantly agree. I get the feeling I am getting on everyones nerve because I am so cautious, and I'm split on how I should approach people. I lead the group into the office door. The lights are on and everything is tidy. The door to the back office is shut and I want to secure the area before we relax. Everyone sets up near the door and I kick it in. Nothing. We grab the keys to the rooms and walk back to the cars. I tell everyone I want to check all the rooms in the small motel to make sure its safe. It shouldn't take to long. When I suggest it Cory gets upset and asks me why I am so paranoid. Some of the parents agree with him. I sink. I tell them that I would check the rooms alone and that everyone else should just sit tight in their cars. I open the back of my suburban and I strap myself with a few extra weapons. My Dad says he would come with me and I agree to it. Now everyone else gets brave and offers to come with. Jon, Mitch, Dawson, Dean, and Jim grab a few extra weapons. I stop them. I tell all the parents to look out after the kids and women and that Jon, Mitch, Dawson, Dean and I will secure the motel. We all load up and I make sure everyone is ready. We decide to secure the second floor and work our way down so we walk up the stairs and make our way to the last room. I tell everyone where I want them to be ready when the door opens and I open it. Our team criss crosses into the room. We check the bathroom and make our way to the next room. We check each room and we find nothing we should be afraid of. Each room is neatly made and all look the same. We get back to the cars and assign rooms to each family and everyone goes to set up. I'm laying on the bed by the window and I see some head lights and a car pull into the parking lot. I spring up, push the curtains aside and leer out the window. A couple of SUVs have pulled in and I see some people walk out. They look pretty normal so I slowly open our door and I walk out and I yell hi out to them cautiously. They reply so I stick my pistol out to the side to show that I am armed but that I mean no harm and walk slowly towards the guy standing out of the car. Now everyone from our crew begins to crawl out of their rooms. I shake hands with the guy and exchange names. I ask him what he is up to and he says that he is heading north but need a place to stay for the night. I tell him that there are plenty of safe rooms here. He thanks me then turns around to talk to his family still in the black Tahoe. I say hi to the rest of the family and I offer to help him unload the back. We exchange stories while unloading his truck. His family and his neighbors are also planning on going to an isolated area in Canada. From talking to him, he sounds like a very kind and smart guy. Someone I would like to have around. A couple of families from our crew come out and exchange names with the new family and their neighbors and helps them bring stuff in. The new man, who is named Jim, introduces me to the rest of his family. His wife Jill, his oldest daughter Amanda who appears to be around our age, his middle child Brandon and his youngest daughter Sarah. A very beautiful family. He then introduces me to his neighbors. Everyone from the new group seem so civilized. They all are so smart and clean. I wonder since we are all going to the same place, if our groups could merge. I don't bring it up though. It's just fun being around a new group of people. One the neighbors kids broke a leg or something running and is in a lot of pain so we do everything we can to make him feel better. It is a pretty fun evening and everyone is chatting and introducing them selves. Cory again busts out a large container full of liquor. Its pretty frustrating but I feel like my group is sick of me bossing them around so I don't say anything. I look over at the new group of people and they all decline. Now I'm just embarrassed that I am associated with these careless drunks. I ask Jim, "Not a big drinker?" and he says he used to be but thinks it would be smarter to have his head on strait with all the new dangers. I completely agree. I spend most of the night chatting with Jim's family and his friends. Very bright and energetic people. Being around these people is very therapeutic to me. I can relax a little knowing that there are people who worry about defending them selves. The party ends a little earlier tonight and everyone goes to bed. I can't fall asleep and I just roll around in my bed for a few hours. I don't understand how I'm not drained, I didn't get any sleep the night before. I get fed up and I leave the room. I'm quiet and I make sure I don't wake anyone up from my family. The air is humid and smells but there aren't any bugs so I don't complain. I walk into the office and pull out a small chair and begin walking toward the stairs to the second floor. Jon opens his door and catches me with his eyes squinted and asks me what I'm doing. I tell him to shut up because he is speaking louder then he needs to and that I couldn't fall and that I needed some fresh air. He makes a joke about the air not smelling so good and then goes back into his room. I get to the second floor and I sit in my chair. Check my pistol and then my rifle. Everything looks good. I set up rifle against the wall and I zip up my hoodie. I think I spend over a hour just staring at the stars. The sky is clear and the stars seem to be dancing. I hear a soft clank on the stairs and I jump and grab my rifle. The stairs continue to make noises and I can hear the noise elevating. I swear under my breath and I think that coming out here alone in the middle of the night is the worst idea I ever made. I see a figure and it continues to walk up the stairs. A light hits the figure and I see that it has long brown hair. I relax. When the person turns the corner I see that it is Amanda, Jim's daughter. I set my rifle back against the wall and I flash her a small smile. She leans against the railing and asks me what I'm doing out here. I tell her I couldn't fall asleep and she tells me that she couldn't fall asleep either. She says that she hasn't been able to sleep well for the past few days. I tell her that I think her Dad is really cool. She laughs and says thanks. We small talk for a while and I point out a bunch of cool stars I've been looking at. I see that she is only wearing a short sleeve t-shirt and I offer her my hoodie. She declines but I can see she really needs it and I lay it over her shoulders. She says thanks and zips it up. We talk about a bunch of things. School, life, what we are scared of, what we think life is going to be like, family, on and on. I tell her the story about Tony back in the warehouse. I tell her I've never killed anything before and I that I'm actually pretty scared to use a gun. She calls me a wuss and giggles. I ask her how she knew I was out here and she says she heard me walking up the stairs and that she waited for me to walk back down but got worried when I didn't. I tell her that she shouldn't be walking outside alone in the middle of the night. She makes fun of me for being a hypocrite. I tell her that we should probably go back down and get some sleep. I walk her to her room, she says thanks and closes the door behind her. I think about going back up to the second floor, but I opt to try and get some sleep. I crawl back into my bed and I feel like thin air. I can't fall asleep and it feels like there are bubbles in my belly. I catch myself staring at the ceiling smiling and I wipe it off my face. Slowly I fall asleep.

Ch.5
I wake up and I spring up like I just woke up from a nightmare. I look around the room quick and I catch myself and ask myself why I am freaking out. I can hear voices outside and next door. I lay back down and think about going back to sleep but I crawl out and see what the other people are doing. Some of the males are checking the cars outside with no protection and it bothers me but I don't say anything and walk into the next room where a bunch of people are chatting and have some brunch. Jon makes fun of my morning hair and I flick him off. I am trying to shake my morning grogginess off and I keep walking with a morning limp. I pretend like I'm a zombie and I attack Dick from behind. He knocks his brunch over and my Mom yells at me. Morning grogginess gone. I look around the room to see who else is eating. I see my sister and Natalie off in another corner and I see the Johnson females and the Franklin females in the other. Tiffany waves as she eats her food and I wave back. I pop a squat next to the boys and I open a bottle of water. Jon asks what time I got to bed and I just tell him late. Dawson then asks me where we are going today and I give him this "I just woke up, shut the fuck up face." I ask them where the other families are and they tell me they are in the room next door. I tell them that the Dads are checking up on the cars without and protection and that when we finish we should go out and keep an eye on them. I get up from the table and I tell them I am going to go visit the other group next door. On the way I walk over to the cars and I drop off a pistol for my Dad. I knock on the door of the other families and I walk in. They are all eating brunch in their pajamas and I ask them how they are doing. They pull up a chair and offer me something to eat but I say no thanks and I have a seat. Jim asks me how I slept and I tell him not to well with a smile on my face. I look around the table and I see Amanda staring at me with a smile and I smile back and she laughs. I ask her what and she tells me my hair is amazing. I look up like I can actually see the top of my head. Then I pat my hair and I feel it sticking up in all directions. I get up slightly embarrassed and Amanda says it looks fine and the whole table laughs. I laugh and say I need to get cleaned up any way and I leave. After I take my shower and I eat I gather everyone to discuss our next move. The Johnson's remind us that we haven't reached Canada yet and that we should keep moving. Sounds good to me. Jim from the other group interjects and asks if we could stay here for one more day. I ask him why? He says that the boy with the broken leg isn't feeling well and another day of relaxing will probably do him some good. I look around to see if anyone from my group has anything to say but all I get are blank stares that suggest I say something. I tell Jim that I think that would be fine. Its already 4 in the afternoon and it wouldn't make much sense to pack and leave so late. I think it would be nice to just sit around and relax for another day. I was also hoping that with this spare time our two groups would interact more and not avoid each other like boys and girls at a third grade lunch table. I look around to see if anyone disagreed with the idea. Cory steps out from the crowd and says that we can't waste another day just sitting around. I say in a light voice, "ah its okay. We're in no hurry." He looks at me with an angered face. He says that this is a dumb idea and that we need to be more efficient. He looks at Jim and tells him that he is sorry but that we are going and that they will have to defend them selves. Jim and I both try to say something but Cory turns to me and says "Who the fuck made you leader?" I tell him no one and I try to explain that I don't think I'm the leader but he keeps yelling in my face. I figure its better if he gets everything out and I let him yell. He finishes and storms toward his room. The air thickens and no one says anything. I break the silence and suggest that if anyone wants to go, they can go with Cory's group and if anyone wants to stay, they can stay with me and Jim's group. The rest of the Johnson's start towards their room and the Christenson's also join them. Everyone from my original group stays with me. Jim walks over to me and tells me that I don't have to do this and that I should go. I tell him that I would rather stay and not to worry about it. I look over to my group and they seem content with staying. Everyone goes off to do their own thing and I stand there and watch everyone go. I feel a hand on my shoulder, it's Amanda. She says in a weak voice, "You don't have to stay," her voice trails off. I look at her. She's looking at the ground and I smile and I tell her that I would rather help her Dad and her group out. She asks me if I'm sure and I tell her yes. I tell her the history behind me and Cory and it clears things up a little. I see the Christenson's and the Johnson's are almost done loading their car and I walk over. A bunch of them walk by me without saying anything. Natalie looks back and says bye before she hops into her car. Tiffany walks by and I wait for her to turn around and say bye but she just hops into her car. The two families start their cars and drive off. Our group watches them disappear and then goes into their rooms. I ask Jim how the boy with the broken leg is doing and he tells me he is fine. I ask Jim for the kids name and I'm kind of ashamed that I don't even know his name yet. Jim tells me the boys name is Danny. I watch everyone go into their rooms and now I'm the only one outside. The evening wind is cooler then it usually is and I sit outside and let it hit me. My Mom calls me in for some dinner so I walk into our room to get a bite. After dinner we sit around and watch some tv. The sun has set and I see some headlights outside the window and I move the curtains to get a better look but the lights shine right in my eyes and I can't make out the cars. I assume it is Cory's group coming back but when the shut the lights off I see it isn't. I open our door and look out at the silhouettes and I yell out Hi. A couple of voices yell hi back and they sound very familiar. I walk towards them and they walk towards me and the first guy I see is Jeff Blanchard from Bloomington. We both go crazy, jump up and down then hug each other. While we are yelling Ben Lee walks out and joins us and then the rest of their group. Now everyone inside heard all the yelling and they begin to pour out. Jon, Dawson and Mitch all run over and join the group hug. My Mom and Dad are pretty shocked and they say hi to the group of guys hugging then they talk to Ben's parents. Both groups shoot a bunch of questions at each other but everyones to loud and no one can make out the answers. No one can believe that our two groups would meet out in the middle of no where like this. We help them carry a few things in and then we just keep talking way to loud. I ask Ben what their plan is and he says that they really don't have one, that they are kind of going around trying to find safe places. I tell him that they are welcome to stay here with us and if they wanted to they could join us in our mission. They say they will bring it up with the rest of their group and that they will decide. After we get some serious talk done, we go back to goofing off. Later that night when everyone is settled in, Jeff and Ben tell me they talked to everyone and they decided that it would be best for their group to leave early tomorrow morning. I ask them why? Their group thinks it would be best not to stay in one spot for to long. Jon tells Ben to go back and beg for our two groups to merge but they say that its already been decided. I tell them that its to bad that we can't work together but I respect their decision. Everyone walks back inside but before I do I catch Jim digging around in his car and I walk over to say hi. When I say hi he kind of jumps then catches his breath and says hi back. I ask him how everything is and he says fine. I tell him that if Danny needs another day that I think I can talk everyone into staying another day. He turns to look at me and he asks if I'm sure and I tell him yes. He says that it would be nice but I hear in his voice that he doesn't want to trouble me. I tell him that it would be fine and not to worry and that its no trouble. He says thank you. I start walking toward my room and he says my name and I stop. He doesn't say anything for a second then he just says goodnight. I say goodnight back and walk into my room. That night I gave the bed up so someone else could sleep on it and I chose to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag. I did this because I knew it would probably be another sleepless night. My assumption was true. I roll around for a few hours and I think maybe some fresh air might do me some good. I sneak out of my sleeping bag and out of the room quietly. I open the office door and I find the same chair I used last night, I grab it and make my way to the same spot on the second floor. I check my rifle and pistol. Ready like always. I take a deep breath. The air is thick and humid like it might rain soon and the stars aren't as bright tonight. I just sit back and think to my self since there aren't any stars to gaze at when I hear a clank on the stairs and I jump and I grab my rife. I catch myself and I hope that it's Amanda but I'm still careful. I see that the object doesn't look threating and I whisper Amanda's name and I squint my eyes. Amanda responds and tip toes over and hands be a bottle of water. I tell her with a smile on my face you can't scare me every night like this. She says sorry and pulls some snacks out of a bag. She asks, "Another rough night?" and I tell her yes and I thank her for the fruit snacks as she hands them to me. She thanks me for helping out her Dad and Danny and I tell her that it's not a big deal. I ask her why she isn't sleeping and she just says she is more of a night person and that someone has to keep me company. We sit and chat for a while as we feast on the snacks she brought out. She asks me stuff about Cory and Andy and I tell her more about the history honestly. She asks me if I like Tiffany and I tell her, "Ya, I guess so." She tells me it is kind of obvious and laughs. She asks me about Ben and I tell her about him but I feel bad for only talking about me and I ask her a few questions. The time seems to pass quick and I tell her that we better get some sleep and that it's probably not healthy to lack sleep like we are. She agrees and we walk down together and I walk her to her room like the previous night. She thanks me again for everything and throws a hug on me and we say goodnight. I dive back into my sleeping bag and I wish I hadn't had do many fruit snacks. Has to be unhealthy to snack that late and then go to sleep. I catch my self thinking and thinking and I slowly fall asleep.

Ch.6
I wake up and it feels really late but I can't tell since there isn't any sun and its raining outside. I had a nightmare. I get up really slow and I feel really groggy and I've got a slight headache and I'm kind of grumpy. I look around and no one is in the dark room and for some reason it scares me. I throw on a light coat and some sweatpants and I step out into the rain and speed walk to the next room. I see everyone having brunch again in the same spots minus the Christensons and the Johnsons replaced by some of the Bloomington boys. As I walk in Dawson makes a sassy comment about my morning hair that sounds a lot like Jon's comment the day before and I flick him off like I did Jon. I sit in the same chair and I open up a bottle of water. I see that everything is happening the same as it did yesterday and it kind of worries me. I leave the table early and I check the next room. Pretty much the same thing minus the hair jokes. After I get cleaned up we sit around for a little and then the time for Ben's group to leave comes. I tell him that its raining and that it might be smart to stay another night. He turns to Jeff and asks him what he thinks. Jeff says in his loud voice, "Nah, we'll be cool, nothing can touch us. You should really think about dipping out soon Min, its not safe!" I tell him, "Ya, thanks" but inside my head I think, "Thanks you fuck head. I think I can take care of myself," and I don't know why I think such angry words. They pack all their stuff and we all say our last goodbyes. Ben and I hug and I watch him jump into his car. I stay outside in the rain and I watch the cars shrink smaller and smaller until they become a part of the horizon. For some reason I knew that would be last time I would see Ben and it makes me extremely sad, but for some reason I can't cry. I hear a knock on one of the windows and I see the curtains flip and its Jon and Amanda waving me inside. I nod my head in walk in and they give me a towel to dry myself. While I'm drying my hair Jon asks, "Dude, were you crying out there you fag?" jokingly knowing that I didn't cry and that I'm just wet from the rain and it cheers me up a lot. Amanda pats me on the shoulder and gives me a "cheer up" smile and it cheers me up even more. We have a huge group dinner that night with everyone and we plan out what our next move is going to be. We all agree that tomorrow we will set out early and finish our journey to Canada. That night Jon, Mitch, Dawson, Dean and I think it would be fun if we all shared a room together so we grab a couple of sleeping bags and decide to share a room. While we are goofing off in the room we hear some cars pull into the lot. I look out the window and I think to myself this is getting annoying. I run out and introduce myself and tell the new comers that there are plenty of safe rooms here. I don't make an effort to get to know the new people but after I meet all of them I just run back into our new room. Dawson asks me what the new people are like and I just tell him they seem nice. We play our music really loud and we just goof off for most of the night. It gets late and we turn the music off so everyone else in the motel can get some sleep. We all get cleaned up and we plan to get to sleep early as well. We sit around chatting when we hear a knock on the door. Everyone looks at each other and we give each other this "you go get it look." Jon finally offers to go get it and as he penguin waddles his way to the door he mumbles something to us. He looks through the eye hole and with excitement lets us know its Amanda. He opens the door and lets her in. She says hi and she brushes the rain off of her shoulders and takes a seat. We ask her whats up and she says that she was bored and that she wanted to see what was going on in the cool guys room. Dawson and Mitch both talk over each other and they say something macho. I tell her that we should have invited her to hang out with us and that I'm sorry for being so inconsiderate. She laughs and says that its okay. I tell her that next time she should just call so we could escort her over instead of her walking alone. She tells us that her Dad watched her as she came. We all chat for a long time about random things then Amanda catches the time and says that she better get back so she can get some sleep since we need to start early tomorrow. She looks over at me and asks me if I would like to escort her back to her room and I tell her nah jokingly. As I get up I tell her that she could just sleep over in our room. She asks if I am being serious and I tell her yes. She speaks with excitement and runs over to the corner of the room to grab a sleeping bag. I ask her what she is doing? She says that she is setting up a sleeping bad kind of confused and worried and I tell her that she isn't sleeping on the floor and that she is taking my bed for the night. She says that she doesn't want to take my bed and I tell her I insist. After a couple minutes of friendly arguing I gently push her onto the bed and she gives in. I tell her that it is fine and she smiles and thanks me. We all crawl into our beds or sleeping bags and there is a second of silence then we all start talking again. I zip my sleeping bag even though I know I'm going to get way to hot in it. In the middle of the conversation Amanda says that someone else should share the bed with her since Jon and Dean are sharing one bed comfortably. No one says anything for a second then Amanda says, "Don't feel bad because I'm a girl." Mitch pops up and says, "fine I'll take it" in a reluctant tone then looks at Dawson who is closest to him then turns to me with a grin. Mitch jumps under the covers and I feel kind of bad for Amanda. Dawson says, "Don't be afraid to get frisky Mitch" and makes it kind of awkward. Dean and Jon pretend to spoon and it breaks the silence. We all chat for a little more and slowly one by one everyone falls asleep.

Ch.7
I wake up and my neck hurts because my pillow ran away from me in the middle of the night. My alarm keeps going off and I let it ring to make sure everyone wakes up. Mitch yells, "turn that shit off!" and stuffs his head under his covers. I click it off and stretch out my neck trying to relieve to pain. I see Dawson pop up cocooned in his sleeping bag and I say Dean and Jon's name to see if they're awake. They don't say anything but pretend to spoon. I step out of my sleeping and yell out get up everyone then I kick my pillow that betrayed me in the middle of the night and now is a couple of feet away from my sleeping bag. How it got that far away while I was sleeping I do not know. Jon and Dean now both get up at the same time and sit in the same position. I guess thats what all that spooning does to a couple. Mitch rolls off the bed mumbling and takes the covers with him and uncovers Amanda. She rolls up into a ball to try and keep warm and has an irritated look on her sleeping face. I walk over and I set my sleeping bag over her and she opens her eyes. I smile and tell her that we should all get ready to leave. She nods. I tell her that she has some awesome morning hair too then she ducks into the sleeping bag. I look over at Mitch and he is all rolled up in the covers in the floor and I kick him gently and I say, "get your lazy ass up fag." We meet up with all the adults who are also getting ready to leave. They tell us what they are thinking and then we go back to our rooms to pack the rest of our stuff. After everyone finishes we meet out in front of our cars and make sure everyone understands what is going to happen. After we get the plan drilled into everyones head Connie says that we should go wake up the new people that came last night and tell them its time to leave. As she begins to walk toward the rooms I tell her that they aren't part of the plan. She looks back kind of confused and I tell that we can't just bring all these random people along that we don't know. She makes the argument that our group has a good plan and that we should bring everyone along that we meet. I tell her that its not a good idea and that we should bring some people along, but not everyone. I look back at the rest of the group and new Jim seems to agree. Connie walks back and joins the group and we all wish each other luck and hop in our cars. Mitch decides to ride with Me and Dawson and hops into the back of Dawson's Impala. Dawson turns the music up and I sit back and relax. We follow Jon's Tahoe and Jon and Katie look back and wave at us. A couple of hours into the ride we turn the music down and we just chat. Dawson lets me know that we might need to get some food soon and I agree. Mitch asks me why we left those new people back at the motel behind and I tell him I don't think its a good idea to just bring any one along and that I only want smart and good people in our group that don't ruin our chemistry. I ask him did he talk to any of them and he says he talked to some of them and that they seemed like good people. I just say oh well and that we probably will meet new people soon. Mitch says, "Ya, but there was this really hot chick!" I ask him, "for real?" only semi-interested and he says yes and begins to describe her to us. Then he stops and says, "do you know who else is kind of hot? Amanda." Dawson jumps in and agrees with Mitch and I think about it and tell them I never really looked at her like that but that she is really nice and pretty. After our conversation dies off we enjoy the emptiness of the road and continue our drive. Mitch's comment sticks with me and the more I think about it the more I think how special Amanda really is. We drive for a little more and the lead car exits and everyone follows. We get out in the parking lot of a pretty big gas station and huddle to talk things over. Dawson brings up to the group that we might need to get some more food soon and everyone agrees. Everyone grabs a gun and I tell them that we need to secure the area before we all go in and grab goods and refresh. I select a group to go in and secure the inside and I select some people to stay back and stand guard. I explain to the entry group how I want this to work out and we all run up to the door. The lights are off inside and the store looks messy. I ask everyone if their ready before I open the doors and everyone nods their head. I push the door open and a huge wave of humid and rancid air hits us. A couple of us cover our mouths as we cough and it sounds like some of us choke back puke. After we recover a couple of our guys criss cross in and secure the sides of the room then the rest of our team storms in. The store is super messy and I get a really bad feeling in the pit of my belly. We maneuver through a couple of aisles and reach the cash register. I look over and I find a pool of dried blood and the sight increases my heart rate. We sneak and check the rest of the building and we reach one last room. The employees only room. I can hear a buzzing that sounds like machines from the other side of the room. I get down on one knee and put my hand on the handle and I look back to see if everyone is focused before I open the door. I take a deep breath and it feels like everyone follows and it makes me feel like we are all on the same page. I fling the door open and there is a loud crash. A bunch of things fall off and creates a lot of noise and then I see a body flip over and jump to its feet. Its neck turns way to fast and its red eyes lock onto our group and it begins to charge with rapid speed. All of a sudden the creature gets hit and blood flies from its head and chest sprays all over the wall. The creature gets launched back, hits the floor and doesn't move. I'm in shock and I don't even remember hearing any shots. Then there is a loud bang to my left and it makes me jump quickly to my right and I look up and I see that Jim Franklin has shot one more shot off the make sure that the monster is dead. I gather myself and I look over at the rest of the group and I'm greeted with white faces and wide eyes. I look over to new Jim and I see that he is very calm and that his pistol is smoking. I am the first to speak and I ask if everyone is okay and I get no response from anyone. I ask if there are anymore in here and new Jim says, "probably not but be careful." I look up at Jim and I ask him if he was the one that shot the monster and he nods his head silently. I slowly close the door shut and I whisper a "holy shit." We carefully walk out to tell the rest of our group that the gas station is secure and that we should go grab some things quickly. My Mom grabs me and asks me if I'm alright in a loud and panicky voice and I say yes confused. I ask her whats wrong and she asks me why there is all this blood on me. I wipe my forehead with my hand and I look down at my palm and I see that it is indeed smeared with blood. I see everyone is staring at me silently worried and I kind of snap out of my shocked state and I yell, "ah fuck, thats gross!" This relieves the tension and I see everyone kind of relax. Jim Franklin looks over to new Jim and says, "us Jim's need to stick together more," and they get a good chuckle out of it. The people that were waiting outside all run over to the nearest person that was involved in the entry and begin to shoot out questions. My Mom and Dad help me wipe the blood off of my face and we have a family hug. I joke around and express how pissed I am that a good shirt is all messed up. Everyone walks into the gas station and I see new Jim stationed by the employees only corner sealing it off so no one walks by that area. I walk over to him and help him. We stand there for a little while and don't say anything but then I tell him thank you. He asks, "for what?" and I tell him, "for saving my life, duhh!" He laughs and says, "hey, I was saving my life too." Everyone makes the process quick and we all walk out together to jump back into our cars. Jim and I walk back next to each other and Amanda jumps in between us and playfully throws her arms around the both of us. She asks us if we are okay and Jim says, "yes we are sweetie," and kisses her gently on the forehead. She looks over at me and I smile and tell her yes. I run over to Dawson's Impala and I hop in.

Ch.8
Dream note: Alrighty, I don't know how I'm exactly going to explain this part. In my dream there was a lot of fast forwarding moments and this part moves kind of quickly. I don't know if I mentioned this in the introduction of chapter 1, but my dream started out by fast forwarding through the first 18 years of my life or so. I watched all the events that actually happened in my life in super fast forward. From the day I was born through elementary school, through Osseo and then to where my blogs picked up from. Then again sometimes in my dream things would fast forward or skip time. So like I remember riding in Dawson's car from the previous chapter and then things moved really fast and my dream would only show major events and then the next thing I know we are set up some place in Canada which chapter 8 explains. I don't know how I can explain the fast forwarding in the blogs, but I'll try doing something. Just warning that these next few parts might get a little confusing.

So imagine these next few parts moving really fast like you just pressed fast forward on your DVD player or if your old school, your tape player. You can even imagine the scratch streaks stretching across the screen if you are in visioning a VHS, because thats how I kind of saw it.

Dream: We leave the gas station parking lot and a lot of people have settled down. The ride is quiet at first but then I ask Dawson and Mitch if they are okay and they say yes in very dry tones. Then I remember that this is actually the first time they encountered one of these monsters and I try to bring their spirits up. After I loosen them up a little, I joke around and tell them that it wasn't that bad. I say to them, "at least no one got tore up like Tony did." A very evil joke, but it serves its purpose. Dawson comes out and tells us that he froze and he was scared beyond belief. He apologizes to us and I tell him that he doesn't need to be sorry because we were all afraid and if new Jim wasn't there we all might be dead. He agrees but then says, "Ya, but I thought I was ready," and I tell him, "I thought I was too, but at least now we have more experience and we will be more ready." Mitch jumps and says some macho crap. Dawson tells me I must have been really scared with all the blood and guts that flew on me. I tell him that I was so caught up in fear that I didn't even feel or hear anything. Mitch interjects and says, "Ya dude, I was just about to pull out my gun but it got caught on my belt." Dawson gives me this disgusted face and I flash a hidden smile. I tell them that next time I promise not to react like that and that I will be ready to defend myself and everyone else. I tell Dawson and Mitch to be ready for next time as well. Dawson says, "I will for sure try," and Mitch grunts, "of course!"

(Fast Forward)

Grocery store: We are running low on supplies and need to restock. It seems like the chaos is spreading faster than we can run and now cities are beginning to look thin. We just made it in this grocery store and we are making sure the area is clear. We have checked this first couple of aisles. The size of the grocery store makes the process very frightening and painful. We have split into two groups to speed up the process. I didn't want to split into two groups fearing that it might weaken our forces and I didn't want to leave the families waiting in the car defenseless either. I keep thinking about the gas station and I tell myself that I can not freeze like I did back there. New Jim is leading group two so I don't have the luxury of him backing me. We've only checked a few more aisles and it seems like we have been in here forever. The store still has some working lights so it isn't to bad light wise but the air is off and everyone is sweating heavily. We reach the end of another aisle and look down the main aisle both ways before we cut into the next aisle. Cereal is in the next aisle. I take a second to catch my breath and wipe some sweat off my face when I see flashes of bright light and huge bangs coming from where the other group should be. I hear lots of screaming and cussing also coming from that area and I looked back at my group and they all fall out of formation and I yell at them to try and keep them composed. We are all looking back at the other area and to try and figure out what is going on. The gun fire continues. I turn around and I see a silhouette down the aisle and it is approaching us quickly. I yell watch out and everyone turns and screams. I quickly squeeze my trigger as tight as I can a couple of times. Couple of shots to the head and body. My eyes are closed and I feel like falling to my knees to cry but I remember the promise I made in the car and I stay as calm as I can. My first kill. Dawson yells out, "Holy shit!" The other team has quieted down. Mitch yells a bunch of cuss words out way to quickly for me to understands and points down the aisle. Another creature moving way to fast to be human. This one has more a waddle compared to the other one. This time I steady my aim and I fire off a couple off shots. I can almost see each individual blood bullet floating in the air and it looks like art to me. I didn't even freak out over this kill. My second kill. I realized how much just shooting the gun once steadies your emotions. I tell Dawson and Mitch to shoot the dead body once and they do. Blood spurts out of its chest with each bullet. We move quickly through the rest of the aisles and we rendezvous with the other group. I quickly ask if everyone is okay and they say yes. New Jim is soaked in blood. I ask how many monsters they encountered and Jim says maybe 8 of them. I think about what might have happened if my group came across 8 creatures. I think to myself why the fuck did we have to pick this store.

We stay at a new hotel tonight. Its really nice. During our drive to the hotel I told Jon and Dean that I want them to watch what they eat and that I want them to exercise when ever they get the chance. I tell them that this is going to be a very physically challenging journey and if we want to increase our chances of living, we are going to need every advantage. I even talk Jon into eating some veggies. We have a large group dinner tonight and its been a while since we've done this. There are a bunch of separate conversations going on. Dawson, Mitch, Dean, Jon, Dick and I talk about our latest monster encounters we have had. We are all keeping track of our kill count. Over these few weeks I've learned a bunch of new techniques. We have all grown comfortable using our weapons and we are defending ourselves much better now. It has almost become a sport to me. I can shoot a gun and kill things now without hesitation. My kill count proves this. I am currently at and have been stuck on 11 kills for a while. Jon is growing a liking for shotguns and has 6 kills. Dean: 6, Dawson: 3, Mitch: 1 and Dick: 0. I've been teaching Dick how he should shoot a gun but he is still pretty nervous. We don't bring Dick on any of the missions, but I want him to be ready anyways. Amanda walks over and has a seat. I haven't talked to her much lately and I feel really guilty about it. I think I actually kind of avoid her out of fear now ever since Mitch made that comment about her being a hottie. Now that I feel an attraction towards her I am kind of scared to be around her. She asks, "What are you guys talking about?" and Dawson and Mitch jump in with some macho comments about killing monsters. She makes this sarcastic yet kind "oh great" face. I've been feeling kind of sick lately. It's not like a illness sick, but I just feel ill like I've been stressing out. But at the same time I don't feel like I'm stressing out. Life has become so different.

This is our second day at the hotel. We've made plans to visit a store that might have more ammunition since we want to always have some in stock. We aren't low quite yet, but better safe than sorry. We have been firing weapons at a much more frequent rate and we are trying to train everyone so that takes some ammo too. My boys and I sit in a room and watch some t.v. I've kind of forgotten what t.v was. Last week we gave out selves the nickname "The Hood Killers." We all think its super lame but we call our selves it anyways for some odd reason. Amanda jumps into our room and calls us by our nickname and I blush a little because the name sounds so dumb. There aren't any shows on t.v anymore, only news. ESPN and MTV are still on the air but they basically don't have anything about sports or music. The news is telling us that this chaos is spreading fast. It makes me really sad that there might not be an end to this anytime soon. I look over and I see Mitch macking on Amanda. They are laughing a lot and it makes me happy. Dawson is dedicated to the news and Dean and Jon are kind of off on their own. I hear a voice outside. Someone is yelling for us to come down. When we get meet up with the rest of the group I see that there are a bunch of new people. Connie and Jim Franklin begin to introduce the new group and explains that these people just got here. 2 or 3 new families. I only see one person our age. He is this really tall and handsome guy. Blue eyes, blond hair, muscular, good fashion. I get these "high school star quarterback" vibes from him and just the way he walks shows his arrogance. For some reason I feel like punching him in the face, but I opt not to. I just can't stand people like that. I guess I've just become more and more violent. He walks over to us and shakes our hand and gives us all a "wuddup dudes!" He smells really good and it kind of looks like he is wearing makeup. He walks up to Amanda and gives her a hug and he is really smooth with her. I kind of want to punch him in the face again but I again choose not to.

We've made a couple of more trips out to the cities to pick up more food and supplies. It feels like we have been at this hotel forever but I think about it and we really don't have other place to go. One more family has joined us during our time here. I've been talking to "star quarter back boy" a lot more lately and I finally learned his name. Jamie, what a fucking girl name. He hasn't done anything bad to me, but he hasn't done anything good either and I just get these awful cocky vibes from him that just make me sick. During these trips out to the city I've killed a lot more monsters. I am beginning to lose count since these creatures come in waves now, but I think I am somewhere around 25. Jon is still in second place but has been stuck at 15 for a while. I can slowly feel that sickness I've been feeling so much slowly fading. It feels like with every kill, I feel better. The more violently I think and the more defensively I think, the better I feel. I am starting to feel like a professional monster killer. There used to be a lot more people walking around when we went into the cities but you don't see them much anymore. The skies always seem to look gray and the roads are becoming more and more empty with each sunset. Newspapers litter the streets with updates and headlines. One newspaper had a headline that read "Hell on Earth."

Jamie and I got into a fight today. Now that I look back at it, it is such a childish fight. We were all eating dinner and he usually sits by us when we eat and he kept joking off and he kept calling me a fag. I wasn't in the best mood and I kind of snapped some comments back at him. He snapped when I told him that I fucked his mother. He then slammed the table and challenged me to a fight. I walked right up to him and looked up since he is a lot taller than me and I dared him to do something and he pushed me so I punched him across the face. By this time everyone jumped in and broke us up. They pulled him out of the room and a couple of the guys let me cool down before they say anything. I see Amanda run out the room and go after Jamie.

This store it huge. On the way in I killed one more monster. Well, I thought I did but Dawson claims that he got it first. I told him that he could have the kill and he offers to split the kill. I say no and I just give it the count to him even though I am certain I shot it first. It was a good shot to, right in the head. There really isn't any fear left in my heart now and I think everyone else is getting used to our missions. We are also starting to develop teams. The same group of people usually work together each time. I like this because it builds chemistry. I'm almost to the point where missions are like second nature and I can almost roam around freely and feel the environment for dangers. Everyone has become better marksmen. The store is big, but it doesn't take us to long to gather supplies. We came to load up on ammo and anything else we thought would help us defend ourselves. Jon grabs a brand new shotgun and I tell him that he doesn't need another one but he claims this one is more sexy than the last. I hear a gun shot in the aisle next to mine and I jump because I really didn't think there were any monsters in here. I walk over and peek into the aisle and its Jamie. I ask him, "what the fuck are you shooting at?!" and he just says, "sorry! it was an accident."

We are planning on leaving the hotel tomorrow because I guess we found a better area on the map and there is better hotel in that area. Tonight we have a huge group dinner where we talk about what our next move is and then everyone goes off into their separate groups to goof off. I'm with the boys and we chill and trade stories and give each other tips. I start up a conversation where we talk what we are thinking and seeing when we are out there so we can increase our team chemistry. You know, so we can be inside each others minds when we are out in fights. After we let the food settle for a little, we head over the the weight room and we all get a little work out in. It seems like all we talk about now are battles and strategies. And girls too I guess. We've become these totally masculine and brainless military brutes. I am going to try and fight falling into that mold. I still want to be a human being. The guys and I have been sharing the same room for the past week. It begins to get late so we all go up to our room and check over everything for tomorrow and sit around. We're sitting around and chatting when I hear a knock at the door so I get up an get it. We don't argue about who gets the door anymore. Who ever is closest gets it. We are much more disciplined. I open it and its Amanda and I get kind of confused because she knows just to walk in. Her head is down and she sniffles and I ask her, "whats wrong?" She looks up and I see she has been crying and she asks, "Can we talk?" and I say yes and step outside and close the door behind me. Amanda says, "lets walk," in a really soft tone and I follow her. I ask her, "whats wrong?" and it takes her a second to respond, "Everything is wrong Min." I don't say anything and I just listen. She asks me, "Are you happy here?" and I just say, "I guess so." I tell her that I'm comfortable and that I feel safe here. She goes on to tell me that I'm probably right but that sometimes she feels so lonely and trapped. I tell her that if she ever feels lonely that she could come over and hang out with me and the guys. I ask her about Jamie, "What about Jamie? You guys have been spending a lot of time together, you guys like a couple yet?" She tells me that they are but that they got into a fight tonight. I try to cheer her up and I tell her that he seems like a really nice guy and that he will probably treat her right. Then I ask her why she feels so trapped. She tells me that she hasn't been outside of the hotel for a week or two and that she forgets what the world looks like. I never thought of the people who have been stuck inside the hotel. Since I get to go out on missions every once in a while I've never felt to cramped. I feel really bad for them. I tell her that being stuck must really suck and that I never thought about that since I get to see the outside once in a while. She asks me how everyone and everything looks outside and I tell her that it's okay. I ask her what her and Jamie fought about tonight and she says that its really stupid. She tells me he gets mad when she comes and hangs out with us. "That is stupid," I tell her. She starts to cry a little and I stop walking and I stand with my back against the wall. I slide down to sit and she copies. I tell her to cheer and that if she ever wants to go outside that she can ask me and I'll take her out for a little while. She thanks me and tells me Jamie wouldn't take her out. I open my mouth and I'm about to tell her that Jamie doesn't take her outside because he is a pretty little pussy, but I don't. I make a stupid joke about how the monsters don't really scare me anymore. I ask her if she remembers the night I told her I was afraid to use a gun and she tells me she does. I tell her that I'm not afraid anymore and that I look forward to my next kill. She looks up at me and with a tiny smile tells me that my words are creepy. I smile back and I tell her that I agree and I feel like I'm becoming a killing machine and that I don't like it. I stand up and she gets worried that I'm going to leave and she asks me where I'm going. I smile and I tell her I'm not going anywhere and that my leg is falling asleep. I ask her to stand up and she does. I bend over and I tell her to jump on my back so I can give her a piggyback ride. She gives me this "are you serious" face and I tell her to just do it. I tell her that I'll walk her around and that we can chat until she feels better. Later that night when I drop her off at her room, she tells me that she likes piggyback rides.

Today is the day we leave and go to our new hotel. Jon, Dean and I woke up early to get a work out in before we left. Well, Jon and I did because Dean was to sleepy to lift. It makes me a little grumpy that he doesn't lift. We pack all of our stuff and carefully bring them to the car. It takes a few trips. After everyone has packed everything into their cars we meet in the lobby to plan everything out. I watch everyone walk out the lobby. Jamie at the end of the line with his arm around Amanda looks at me and gives me a cocky smile and wink.

This hotel is a lot farther that I had thought. I am riding with my family on this trip and we are in the back of the line of cars. The car kind of turns funny and makes a noise and I ask my Dad what happened and he says it feels like we popped a tire. The other cars continue to drive off and my Dad turns to shoulder and stops the car. I tell my Dad to call one of the other cars and to let them know that we just need to change a tire and for them not to stop since we are so close to the hotel. I jump out of the car to check the back tire and I see that it is flat as a mother fucker. I kick the flat tire and I yell "FUCK" really loud. As I yell my frustrations I hear a crash behind me and I turn around to see what it was. I don't see anything but then this object jumps out from behind the tall fence and starts running at me. I calmly and quickly reach for my gun but there isn't anything there. I left it in the car. I don't panic and I yell for some help and I brace myself so I can fight the creature when it gets close. Keep its mouth away from you at all costs I tell myself. The monster is in leaping distance but when it leaves its feet and flies to wrong way. I hear a couple more bangs and blood jumps strait up into the air. The monster is on the ground and it jiggles a couple more times and I hear a few more bangs. I side step to see who shot the pistol and its Dick leaning out of the window with a smoking pistol in his hand.

When we get to the hotel we unpack quickly and we check the huge place out. This place is much nicer. I find a weight room so I run up to my room and I change so I can work out a little. Dean joins me. We got back to our room to clean up and I see Amanda and Jamie walking into the room next to ours. Amanda says hi and that she picked this room. Amanda walks into her room and Jamie follows her and gives me a wink before he does. We sit around a little and I get bored so I go lift some more weights. It seems like all I think about now is getting stronger and killing monsters and it bothers me that I've become so one dimensional. As I'm working out old Jim walks in. I haven't talked to him for a while and it is good to see him. I ask him how he has been and he replies, "well." We chat about a bunch of things other then whats going on outside but all conversations now a days are about the chaos. Jim tells me that I've turned into quite the leader and that a lot of people look to me for support. It surprises me because I thought a lot of people didn't like me bossing them around. I felt like I was the leader of my little group and that was it. I ask him how his family is doing and we get around to talking about Jamie. Jim doesn't like him either so we spend some time ripping on Jamie. Jim makes fun of his name. I tell him as long as Amanda is happy thats all that matters and he agrees.

We need to go get some more food. The cities are about two hours away so we usually bring a small group but I suggest to everyone that we have a big group this time. Some people argue that its unsafe and I totally agree but I let them know that its probably not healthy if we keep people trapped within the hotel walls. Everyone agrees to let some people come this one time. This store has its lights on there are other families walking around getting food. We talk to a few of the other families. From what I've gathered it seems like a lot of people haven't formed groups like we have and that they are rolling as single families. I talk to this one family and my intuition tells me that they would be perfect to bring along. Smart, clean, respectful, physically fit. I ask them if they would like to join us and they agree to it. Connie Franklin starts inviting all the families and in the store and I tell her not to do that. She gets upset at me and calls me a hypocrite. She asks why I can invite people and she can't. I tell her that I don't know why. Thats because I really don't know why, but for some reason I can feel what groups are good and what groups are not. I can just tell what groups would help our group and which ones would hurt our group. I tell her that we can bring the families she has invited so far but not to bring ask anymore. She agrees to it and leaves upset.

Ch.9
This new hotel is fricken amazing! It is so big and so fancy and I feel like a king. The weight room is way nicer then the last one and this place has a hot tub too! They also have a nice sized pool that I use a lot now. The other day I forced myself to swim until I puked. I managed to puke out of the pool. I just want to build my stamina up. My days basically consist of waking up, eating healthy, working out, swimming, relaxing, planning out new strategies, practicing, getting to know people, chilling with the boys, sleep, then doing it all again. A couple times there are missions and thats about all the excitement we get. I wish my friends were as dedicated as I am, but they join me once in a while so I don't mind. Dick has joined me for a couple of work outs and he practices with me. He is learning quickly and soon he is going to be better then a couple of the guys. We saw the military in the cities during one of our missions last week. Dawson and I have been watching a lot of news lately when ever its on. They don't air everyday anymore. They usually go around the country and give you updates on areas and sometimes they let people share their survival stories. Dawson and I love the survival stories segments and we always get a good laugh out of them. Once a week they release a list of dead. How they come up with this list I don't know. This week there was a group of people dead from Minnesota. For some reason, deep inside of me, it feels like they were people I knew.



I haven't done shit at all today. We went on a mission two days ago and I bruised my shoulder really bad so I've just been resting up. Jon had this really nasty head shot on one of the monsters from like 3 feet away with his shotgun and got blood and brains on all of us. He thought it was funny as hell but I was pissed. Dean managed to stab one of those bastards a couple of missions ago and I managed to sneak up on one of them. Either these cunts are getting dumber or we are getting better. I get really bored of sitting around so I ask my boys if they want to do anything. They are also in sluggish moods so I buck up and tell all of them to get up and that we are going swimming. They all kind of groan but I start to jump around the room and slapping them and this kind of brings them to their feet. By the time we leave the room everyone is up beat and slap happy. We run around and grab our siblings and anyone else that might want to jump into the pool. I knock on Jamie and Amanda's room and yell for them to join. Someone brings a stereo down to the pool so now we have music. We have this huge water fight and it is probably the funnest thing we have done in the longest time. We toss the little kids around and eventually the water fight turns into everyone vs. me and my boys. My boys and I act like monsters and the little kids run around and shoot us with water while people like Amanda keep reloading their water guns. I grab a couple of little kids and I tell them they have to be monsters with us now but that only lasts for like two minutes and then they go back to the other group. I make a plan with a couple of kids later and I tell them when the leave to pool to go grab new guns that they should push Amanda in. They come through and when Amanda gets pushed into the pool the water fight becomes everyone vs. Amanda. During one of our attacks on the kids Mitch manages to punch me on my bruised shoulder and my arm feels like its about to fall off. Then right after, he pushes a kid to hard and the kid begins to cry. After that we all play for a little more and call it a night. A bunch of the parents come down with towels and take their kids back to their rooms. All the kids thank me as they leave and it makes me feel like a hero. My group and Amanda stay back to clean everything up. I ask her why Jamie didn't come and she tells me that he doesn't like little kids. Figures. Jon and Dawson are giving Mitch a hard time for pushing the kid and I jump in and I joke about it too. Then I tell him he punched my shoulder and he denies that he did. After we get the pool area cleaned we grab our towels to leave when Amanda pushes me back into the pool, then Mitch pushes Amanda then Dean pushes Mitch. I swallowed a lot of water when I fell in. Water I pissed in, but hey, everyone does it. Dawson, Jon and Dean are on the outside of the pool laughing and the three of us in the pool try to splash water out and get them wet but they are to far. We climb out of the pool and Dawson, Jon, and Dean toss us their towels and we all make our way to our rooms. Amanda stops walking and I ask her whats wrong and she says she is to tired to walk jokingly and that she needs a piggyback ride. Mitch bends over and flashes his back and waits for her to jump on. Amanda laughs and Mitch continues to wait. I look over at Jon with a smile and I tell him, "give the girl a piggyback ride damn it." Amanda says, "Oh whatever," and jumps on my back. Dawson puts his arm around Mitch and makes a joke that I couldn't hear and Dean and Dawson bust out laughing. Mitch joins them even though it seems like he got burned pretty bad. I think we are all in such a good mood nothing can bring us down right now. We goof off on the way back to our room but when we reach the door the mood kind of sinks. Everyone pauses like they don't want the night to end and it sucks that we don't know when we will have so much fun again. Everyone says bye to Amanda and walks into our room and I wait for Amanda to get off my back. After a second I tell her that I kind of have to get into my room. She says that she is to lazy to walk back to her room and that I should drop her off. I laugh and make fun of her since we are basically standing at her door. I open the door and I walk in and I see Jamie sitting there watching t.v. He turns and looks at us and I feel Amanda jump off my back. Jamie asks us if we had fun and Amanda tells him yes quietly then she turns to me and tells me thanks then I walk out the room. I enter my room and all the guys are wrestling. I hop in the shower. I close my eyes and let the water hit my face.

My shoulder is healing really slow but I don't want to fall behind so I went to go lift some light weights today. Dick and Jon join me. Jamie walks in with his shirt off and it looks like he rubbed shit on his chest and six pack to make himself look better. I kind of laugh because its only Jon, Dick and myself in the room. Who is he really trying to impress? He says hi to us and walks over and starts to chat about a bunch of irrelevant crap. He asks us how our missions are going and I tell him they are fine. Jon asks him why he doesn't come on missions with us already knowing the answer. Jamie quickly and confidently tells us that he stays back to protect the women just in case the hotel gets attacked. I guess thats a good enough answer. I switch locations to move to a different machine and Jamie follows me. I wish he would have stayed back over there with Jon and Dick. He hovers above me as I work out and he lets me know that he and Amanda are planning a special dinner for their anniversary. I tell him congratulations and that I hope they have a good time. He asks me for some tips and maybe a present suggestion. I tell him to just make her laugh and show her a good time. I also tell him that she likes piggyback rides and long talks so he should plan to talk to her about whatever after dinner. He says thanks and asks for a present suggestion again. I stop lifting and I have to think about it quickly. She really isn't into material goods and never talks about things she likes. She doesn't really even wear jewelry. I tell him that I'll think about it and next time I go out into the city that I'll get him something. He says thanks and leaves. As I lift I think about it and finally think of a present. Fruit Snacks.

Dick came on a mission with us today and it was very stressful. I felt like I had to watch myself and Dick, but the experience was something Dick needed to feel. Plus I knew Jon and Dean would look out after him to. We didn't run into many monsters but we still got some action. I managed to find a big box of fruit snacks and everyone questioned me about it. I tell them not to worry about it in a friendly pissed off voice. I also got a teddy bear and this pretty necklace. On the way home Dawson made a bunch of stops so we could shoot at random monsters. I told him not to joke around but everyone in the car was having such a good time he kept goofing off. When we got home I gave the goods to Jamie. He thanks me and slips me some money. I look at him wondering if the money is a joke, but I see that he is serious about it. I make a strait face and I tell him thanks. After he closes the door, I toss the money over my shoulder.

Dawson and I watched the news and they are saying that the military has captured one of these creatures and that they plan to do some medical tests on it to study it. I kind of wonder why they haven't already done something like this. The news ends with some survival stories. This one guy said he fought off a whole group of creatures with a hammer. Dawson and I laughed hard as hell when we heard that because the guy was this pretty boy like Jamie and we could just tell he was feeding us shit. After the news I go lift some weights with Dawson. Its late and the hallways are dark but just the feeling that someone is next to you is so comforting. We flick the bright florescent lights of the weight room on and begin to work out. I hear the door open and I quickly look over to see who it is and its Amanda with some water and fruit snacks. She walks over to Dawson and gives him some water first then walks over to me. I thank her for the water and I ask her what she is all dressed up for. "Jamie and I had a special dinner tonight." I forgot that the dinner was tonight so I didn't have to act surprised. "How was it?" I ask her. She tells me that the food was good and that he got her a necklace and a cute little teddy bear and her favorite fruit snacks then offers me some. I tell her no thanks and that I'm glad she had fun. Dawson walks over to a machine closer to me and asks Amanda about the fruit snacks. "Where did you get those?" he asks kind of laughing and looking at me and she replies "Jamie gave them to me." Dawson laughs and is about to correct her but I give him a face that he catches and he just says sweet. Amanda catches the eye contact Dawson and I made and looks over at me quickly and I act like I'm working out. Dawson asks her, "what else did you get and what else did you guys do?" and she gives him the short catalogue of presents and tells us that after dinner they called it a night. I pop up from my machine and I say, "called it a night, that sounds good right now," and I walk toward the door. I thought Dawson would follow but he doesn't so I look back and tell the two goodnight and walk out. After I leave the room I keep thinking Dawson is going to follow but he doesn't and when I look back I see the two having a serious chat.


A lot of people died today. We were on this mission to get some stuff and the biggest wave of monsters came out of now where from a bunch of angles and surrounded us. We aren't sure how many people we lost today yet but I'm thinking at least 20. I feel bad because I didn't know most of the people that died all that well. I knew one of the Dads that died who was new Jim's neighbor and I knew Jamie. We just got back and there are a lot of people running around and crying and I need to clean up and I don't know how I'm going to tell Amanda about Jamie and I'm looking for my family. Jon, Dean and I are at the last group to enter and we drop a bunch of bags off quick. My family has to be around here somewhere but its hard to see around all these people running around looking for their loved ones. I'm relieved we didn't decide to take Dick with us on this trip and I'm glad my Dad doesn't have to go out on Missions any more either. I'm glad most of our parents don't have to go on any more missions. Only Dawson's Dad, Brad, came with us and I guess new Jim too but I know he can take of him self. I'm really glad Jon, Dean, Dawson and Mitch came because we really saved the day. We saw Brad Dawson fall over and if it wasn't Dean we would have lost a close member. Jon, Dean and I really really clicked today and we were able to buy a lot of time for people to get out, it could have been a lot worse. I finally catch my family in the crowd and I break off from Dean and Jon and run over. My Mom is crying and I want to hug everyone but I'm covered in dry blood so I just stand there. I tell them that I'm fine and I need to finish bringing stuff and that I need to get cleaned up. I turn around to go grab some more bags and I see Jon with his family and Dean with his and I see Amanda running to Jim. As I'm moving the bags around I keep thinking about who we might have lost. A lot of families from the grocery store that Connie invited were lost. People who I could just feel might get in the way. And they did get in the way, but I feel horrible that I couldn't protect them. Jon and Dean run over and help me with the bags and we snake out way through all the crying people. I feel a hand grab my sleeve and tug and when I look its new Jim. "Thanks for saving me today," he says with Amanda in his other arm. I didn't even know I did anything so I tell him that it probably wasn't me. Then he tells me I killed a monster that was about to jump on him. I had no idea because I just shot anything that threatened us. We totally lost track of our kill count today, but after what happened, its irrelevant. Amanda looks over and asks me if I'm okay and I tell her yes. Then she asks, "Didn't Jamie go with you guys?" I look up and Jim then back at Amanda and I pull her aside. We walk to a more quiet area and I get the feeling she already knows whats coming but it is still hard to tell her what happened. I stand there and I mumble a couple of things and I don't know how to start but eventually I just come out and say it. She doesn't seem as shocked as I thought she would be but she still falls to the ground. I bend over and I tell her sorry that I couldn't protect him. We sit there and I let her cry on my shoulder for a little and we chat for a while. I remember I still need to move some bags and I tell her that I need to go help out. She asks me not to go and I ask her if she wants to come with. She stands up and asks if I'll give her a piggyback and I tell her I'm to dirty right now. I feel guilty for denying her and I toss off my coat and I signal for her to hop on. I walk back to where the bags should be and I don't find anything and I assume Dean and Jon moved them. Most of the families have returned to their rooms to mourn but there are still a couple of people walking around. I just walk around with Amanda on my back and we chat for a while. We get to our rooms and I tell her that she doesn't have to spend the night alone and that she should hang out with us. She hops off and agrees to it and invites me in her room while she just gets some things. I'm about to sit on the couch but I remember how filthy I am so I stand. We chat while she packs a few things and she suggests that we should have another fun night with all the kids so they can escape for a little while. I smile and I tell her that its a great idea. She finishes packing and we are about to walk out the door when she says my name and we stop. I look over at her and she thanks me for the fruit snacks and necklace and teddy bear. I give her my best confused act and she makes a frustrated face and then smiles and tells me that she knows. I give in and ask her how she knew and I'm kind of disappointed in my acting skills. She informs me that Dawson told her and it makes me half upset at Dawson and half proud of him. Upset because now I feel like I cheated Jamie and I feel worse because he is dead. Proud because thats what good friends do. I tell her that I just got the presents but that it was Jamie's idea and she gives me this "oh c'mon" face. I feel a hug coming on but dodge it by saying lets go and slip out the door.

Ch.10
Its brutal out in the cities now and it feels like we lose people on every mission now. I slipped and fell on my shoulder again the other day and I don't think its ever going to heal. Although we are losing a lot of people, I have been recruiting a lot of new families too. Families I feel will benefit our group. All the families I've brought in have young males that we can use in our missions and I feel like I'm using them but I tell myself its better for the both of us. Other people have stopped inviting families because I think they are beginning to understand and appreciate my judgment. It seems like all the families that have been killed are families I didn't invite. I think Connie now understands why I asked her to stop inviting people. I can kind of sense things with my intuition. I've been trying to interact more with families I don't know so I can build stronger relationships with all of them, but I've been bringing a lot of people in lately and its been tough. The other day when we went into town, there was this military camp that was giving out food. Looks like the military is finally ready to help out a little. Dawson and I watched the news tonight and they said the medical tests are going well and that they should be able to release some info soon. I tell Dawson to grab me every time he watches the news so I can watch it with him because I don't want to miss out on this important info. The survival segment tonight was funny like usual.


The new people I brought in have really been clicking. All the parents have been really kind to each other and they all look out after each other. The kids enjoy playing together and keep each other busy. Most importantly all the guys that have volunteered to go on missions have really been clicking. Everyone is very disciplined and our missions are in and out and we are losing less people. Actually, our last mission had zero deaths. Dick has come with us on a couple of missions and he has been very helpful. He asks to go out on more with me and the guys but I tell him that we need people protecting the hotel. Just an excuse to keep him here. Non of our Dads go on missions any more either and thats a good feeling. Slowly I've kind of been elected to be the leader of everyone here. It makes me feel good that people trust me now but I think it might be to much pressure to watch over 130 people or so. Slowly with new Jim's help I've been learning how to organize things. People are really good at not treating me like a leader figure and are not putting to much pressure on me. I don't see my family much any more. I actually don't see anyone much anymore. When ever I do have some spare time I dedicate it all to my family. The people I see most are Jon, Dean and new Jim and sometimes Mitch and Dawson. I check up on the mission groups a lot too. I spend most of my days now working out, collecting info, training people and meeting with missions groups, seeing how people are doing, crunching numbers with Dean (supplies and things), talking things over with Dean and Jon, then maybe spending some time with my family when I got time to spare. The days pass way to quickly. And my shoulder is still fucked up. I came up with this idea to group our little military into classes. I group people depending a lot of things like discipline, physical ability, weapon use, etc. Again I use my intuition to place people into their groups and the people have been really understanding. I clump people into 5 levels, 1 through 5. Level 1 being the highest ability level and the group that gets the toughest missions and level 5 people the lowest group. A team consists of 4 people and I randomly formed teams but I moved some names around because I wanted the groups to have good chemistry. Right now there is only two level 1 teams. Jon, Dean and I make up one team and the other level 1 group is lead by a guy named Tom and has 3 of his buddies. Tom has been with us for a little while but when ever we went out on missions he has definitely shown his ability. He is very quick and disciplined and sometimes I think he should lead everyone so I can go back to my normal life but he tells me he couldn't handle it. Our groups have a really good relationship and Tom and I look after each other often. His group worked with my group a couple of times but after this grouping system was created I don't deploy our teams together. Waste of resources. A lot of people ask me why my team only has 3 people and not 4 and I still don't have a good answer why. Sometimes I tell people that I'm saving that spot for rising star and sometimes I use Dicks name. Dick has been put into a level 4 team with 3 other people that I don't know but he gets along with them well. Dawson and Mitch some how got placed in the same team in level 3. Mitch keeps telling me that he and Dawson don't have good chemistry and that my judgment is wrong about this one. Mitch gives me a lot of shit for placing him into a level 3 team and often asks for a promotion but usually I'm able to dodge him with Jon and Dawson's help. Level 5 is our biggest group but mostly consists of our fathers and they don't get deployed but they are asked to defend our home when we are out.

I had this dream the other night and it felt so real. It was a dream about us in the future and we had built our own place in an isolated area with a very strong defense. I brought it up with everyone and they all seemed interested and someone asked me if I thought it might be a good idea to try something like that. I kind of think that its to radical of an idea and that it might be to risky, but I told everyone that we can all think about it and that we should ask more people about it. Dawson and Mitch have been hanging out with these girls a lot lately and when we have a special "The Hood Killers" dinner we asked them about the ladies. Sounds like Dawson and Mitch found them selves some girlfriends. I ask Dawson where he met this special lady and he says, "in this fucking hotel, duh." I was going to ask Mitch the same question but after Dawson's response I felt that my question was unnecessary. Jon tells us that there is this really hot chick but that he hasn't been able to talk to her yet. Dawson and Mitch ask more about Jon's crush and after they figure out who Jon is talking about they tell Jon that they will hook them up. They table turns to Dean and Mitch asks him if he has a love interest and he informs us that he doesn't. Dean busts out a couple of 40 Year Old Virgin jokes then Mitch asks me if I found anyone yet. I laugh and I tell him, "are you kidding? I'm to fucking busy dude." Dawson comes in and goes, "Ya! He is a big shot now, he doesn't have time!" Mitch then asks me about Amanda and I tell him I haven't talked to her in a couple of weeks. I correct myself and I tell him that I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks then I ask him how she is. "Ya, she is still hot and very lonely," then Mitch nudges elbows with Dawson since he isn't sitting next to me. "But seriously, you should have made a move after Jamie got killed," Mitch states. I tell him that it wouldn't have worked out and I tell him that if things don't work out with his girlfriend now that he should hook up with Amanda. Mitch quickly snaps and tells me not to jinx things.



Things have slowed down a lot and I have a lot more spare time on my hands but I don't use it very wisely. Just more working out and planning stuff. Sometimes we get really bored so the two level 1 groups go out to areas where people might be and help them out. The news gives us some really good spots where people might be trapped. Sometimes I find some good people and I bring them back with us but we mostly go out to kill some creatures and to entertain ourselves. We don't do this often and it really is a very unnecessary risk. And I feel like I'm setting a bad example and my Mom really hates it. This one time Jon shot the legs off of one with his new shotgun and and smashed its head in with the end of his gun then got mad at him self for getting blood on his shotgun. Dean once killed like 10 of them at once with a well placed grenade. I don't really have any cool stories. I'm all business and I just go for the head and then I set my sights on the next one. Tom fights the same way I do and his guys are probably more disciplined then my guys. Jon finally hooked up with that really cute blond girl he told us about and it wasn't because of Mitch and Dawson. I told her that I needed to meet with her to talk some things over but basically I tricked her to run into Jon. I try not to abuse my power but I figure just this once for Jon. After being around her a couple of times I kind of don't like her. She seems very high maintenance and she is kind of a bitch but as long as Jon is into her I won't say anything. It just seems like she is into Jon because he is a level 1 fighter and she likes the fame but she show flashes of kindness once in a while. Mitch broke up with his girl friend the other day but he isn't taking it to rough. They had a rocky relationship so it was about time the ended it. Dawson is still with his girl friend and they seem to really like each other. I think Dean is hiding it but it seems like he has been talking to someone himself.

Jim calls me over to talk about something so I rush over to his room. As I'm about to walk in Amanda walks out but we don't say hi to each other. I ask Jim what he wanted to talk about he asks me what I thought about that dream I had. I tell him that it was just a dream but that it felt very real. Jim informs me that he has been talking to a bunch of people and that people like the idea and that maybe we should think about doing something like it. I tell him that I think its to risky and that something like that would take a lot of resources and time. He agrees but tells me that life is always going to be dangerous now and that we have plenty of time. He brings up the point that if building this place means that we have a safe place for the future that we should do it. I think about it and I tell him that he is probably right and that we should talk it over with everyone else. He jumps back in and tells me that he has been talking about it a lot with people and that everyone feels like its a good investment. I tell him that I'm glad everyone agrees but that we don't have the materials and the skills to build something like that. He must have planned this thing out pretty well because he then lets me know that some of the people I brought in have very handy skills. We have some technicians and we even have an architecture. I tell him that if everyone agrees to it, we should try it. He thanks me and I thank him and then I walk out. On my way out I cross paths with Amanda again and I open my mouth to say hi but she sneaks inside her room to fast and I hear the door slam. I walk over to Tom's room first since it is closest and I talk things over with him and he tells me that I'm the leader and what ever I choose he will follow. I get kind of embarrassed when ever people say that kind of stuff to me and I tell him not to talk like that. I tell him we should act like friends and for him not to treat me like a military superior. He agrees to it and relaxes a little. He cracks open a beer and offers me one but I decline. I tell him that he should try to cut alcohol from his diet. I don't even support my request and he agrees to it. I tell him I'll get back to him when I know more. I walk over to Jon's room next. I walk in and I find him and Krista watching a movie and I tell him I'll come back later. He waves me in and tells me that they are barely watching the movie and that we should talk now. I have a seat and I present my idea and he tells me that it would be cool. Krista really likes the idea and asks me if she can design her and Jon's room and I tell her of course. I walk next door to Dean's room to talk things over and he tells me he likes the idea.

We have a huge meeting about the plan and it sounds like we are going to try it out as soon as we can. Jim pulls out a map and points out a couple of suitable spots. We all vote on a spot that is off on its own but not to far from the cities so we can drive in a get stuff when we need to. The plan is to start collecting things we need to build the place as soon as tomorrow and after we get everything we start. We also found a temporary place to stay for the builders that is be closer to the site. I hate the idea that we will have 3 locations to defend but this is just the way its got to be. We have enough people to defend all 3 sports now so I think it'll be okay. I meet with the architecture and the other people who are actually going to put this thing together and we plan everything out. They had a bunch of great ideas that would give us the strongest defense and the most comfort. I tell them not to be shy and that if they need anything, to just tell me.

Ch.11
Dawson and I watched the new tonight and it was fairly entertaining. They had this survival tip segment which was pretty funny. The best tip they had was to shoot the creatures in the head because that kills them to quickest. Duh! That kills anything the quickest. They also released some info from the medical tests. They say that the bites are changing humans into the creatures. Most of the people in our group never had the chance to transform. When they died they got ripped apart. They also informed us that these things can actually starve to death. They say these things can last up to 2 months without any food and just a single drop of human blood is enough to buy them another two months. Something medical mumbo jumbo about their cells being able to spread nutrients evenly through out their whole body. They also had some footage from Russia and news that their infected are slightly different from ours. They looked different. Almost bigger and more aggressive. They say that the U.N is estimating that a quarter of the Earths population is gone. So all we have to do is wait this damn thing out? How long can we hold our breaths underwater?


The temporary housing where our builders are going to stay is about a hour and a half away from our hotel. This is our first time here and we brought a bunch of teams to secure the area. Tom is to lead a squad and I will organize another. The area is kind of off on its own but there is a town near by and we don't want to take any chances. Its kind of like a Cabin setting and there a bunch of little houses in the middle of a little forest. I watch Tom enter one side of the building and I work my way around to the other side. I hear a bunch of shots going off inside and the bangs echo between the trees. The noise attracts some monsters roaming around and I can see some running over to where we are. I yell for a couple of teams to defend the people in the cars and my team runs over to help them. They are coming from all sides of the forest and I radio to Tom that we might need back up but he doesn't respond and I hear more shots inside the houses. We do a good job fighting off the roamers. Jon is hovering around the cars and if any of the roamers manage to filter through our perimeter Jon annihilates them with one swift shot. I'm running around every where trying to help who ever I can and trying to direct who ever I can. Each creature drops so easily with a simple clean shot to the middle of their face. Everything is slow and their deaths are so elegant. A panicky level 3 fighter runs into me and knocks me over right as I'm about to shoot a roamer. I look around for my gun but when I see it the roamer is closing in on me to quickly and I get ready to fight it when a car storms in a hits the creature. Dawson sticks his head out of the Jeep and asks if I'm alright and I tell him yea and the tosses me another rifle. I pick the panicky guy up by his shoulders and I toss him into Dawson's jeep. Dawson is holding the roamers off with a pistol and Mitch is in the back with a rifle spraying at the trees and when I knock on the Jeeps hood Dawson takes off. Tom runs out after a while and helps us finish off the roamers. After we secure the area and get everything cleaned up we let the builders move in. I let the builders know that we will always have a bunch of teams on patrol inside and outside and that they have nothing to worry about hoping my words will calm them.

We're at this huge warehouse where we need to pick a bunch of crap up for our building. I don't even know what the things look like so I'm just here to defend. It is going to be tough because some of the things are big and heavy and we need to carry them out but we have everything planned out and it should work out fine. We have a bunch of teams with us again. We all line up at the huge warehouse doors and I give everyone a second to gather themselves. I look back and Tom gives me a nod so I crack the door open and right away people start to pour in. We sneak quietly and we grab a bunch of little things first. We find the heavy equipment and the team that was assigned to carry it moves in. We all make our way back to the front door when something gets knocked over. It sounds like a long pipe and it hits the cement floor and chaos breaks out. We form a perimeter around the carrying team and shoot down anything that gets close. We move at the carrying teams pace but they are moving as fast as they can so no problem. There aren't as many creatures compared to the temporary housing location but we are still careful. We get out the door and the cars all drive up and we quickly load them and drive off.


We are at the temporary house talking some things over and we plan to go visit the site where we are going to build our dream fort. We talk to long and it gets late but we have to search and secure the site tonight because we plan on starting tomorrow. We take more people then we originally planed because we will be traveling at night. No one has ever fought during night because I never deploy people when the sun is down. We all double check our equipment since we need to be more careful this time around. We don't have enough flash lights for everyone but it should be okay. We are also bringing more cars then we planed so we can use the headlights to our advantage. We all hop in our assigned vehicles and take off. The trip seems like its forever. We get there and the place is super creepy. The moon is bright and everything has a light blue glow to it and it kind of looks like there are patches of fog. There are to many trees in the way so we have to walk down to the location. We form our teams and we make our way down the first hill. There are a bunch of people and it looks like we are a search and rescue team. It takes us about 15 minutes to get to the site and it takes us longer since we were super careful. The site is perfect for our building. After a couple minutes of care examination and debating we group up to walk back up the hill. As we are getting into formation we hear a bunch of car horns going off like someone had triggered our car alarms. Everyone remains calm but we all take a defensive position. There is a lot of noise and it sounds like things are moving around in the trees but it could just be the wind. I hear a loud "FUCK!" behind me and a bunch of shots go off. I command everyone to start making their way up the hill as quickly and defensively as they can. We take a couple of steps up the hill when a wave of monsters with their glowing red eyes rush toward us down the hill. It hits me that they are the ones that set off the car alarms. Everyone begins to shoot and I start running around looking for any soft spots in our defense I can help out with. We clear the first wave of monsters coming down the hill and we begin to make some more progress but the hill is harder to go up and a lot of us are slipping. I try to stay back as long as I can and help the people at the bottom. The hill is making it hard for our group to stick together. Some people are progressing faster than others so there are a bunch of thin patches of people on different levels of the hill. I start back peddling up the hill trying to help the people at the bottom when a body rolling down hits me and takes me down with it. My bad shoulder hits a tree but it clings and stops my fall. Tom sees me and runs over to my aid and helps me up. I see Jon and Dean running up the hill on my right and I yell for them and they see me and Tom but I wave for them to keep running up. They stall for as long as they can shooting monsters at the bottom and the small waves coming from the top. Jon and Dean then step to run up the hill when a patch of the hill gives out and they stumble down past me and Tom. Tom and I run over and pick them up. I see the architecture about 20 feet away from me down the hill and I sprint over to grab him. He is in shock and can barely move so I start pushing him up the hill. I tell Tom to take him up to the cars but Tom refuses and tells me that he wants to help down here. I hand him over to Jon and Dean and I tell them to protect him and take him to the cars and they take off. Tom sees a member from his team and he hops down the hill to help him. I stand above Tom and his friend and I give them cover fire. Tom helps his friend up and we turn sprint up the hill when I hear my name from below. Its Jim and his leg is stuck in some mud or between logs or something and I rush down to help him. I run to fast and I trip and I'm sliding head first down the hill. Jim grabs me and slows down my momentum and I stop a few feet down the hill from him. I start tossing a bunch of things off his leg and he manages to pull his leg out. I hear Tom yelling for us to hurry so I push Jim up the hill and I take a look back to see if any more people are down at the bottom. I see a bunch of bodies mostly dead monsters. While I'm scanning I see the biggest wave of monsters emerge from the trees and now we all run as fast as we can. I stay behind Jim to catch him when he looses his footing. Tom and his friend are to fast for Jim to keep up with so they stop once in a while and give Jim and me cover fire when they can. Jim looses his footing really bad and I catch him but his other foot comes back and kicks me in my chest and it sends back flying back. I roll down the hill for a while but a tree stops me and knocks the wind out of me. I try to collect my self but I can't stand with the air knocked out and I start crawling up the hill. I see Tom's friend grab Jim and make their way up and I see Tom sprinting towards me. I try to wave him off but my strength is so low and can barely wave my arms. I feel like puking and I am to scared to look back and see how close the wave from hell is. Tom skids down and stops in front of me and is shooting whatever he can and when he finds a second he helps me up. I yell for him to just go but he refuses and tosses my arm around his shoulder. He is trying his best to walk up the hill while carrying me while shooting at the wave of monsters. I look up the hill and I see a bunch of lights moving down. My vision must have been knocked loose a little to because they look kind of blurry. I hear Jon and Mitch yelling and then I make out the other three running with them are Dick, Dean and Dawson. Tom sets me down to hold off the wave and waits for the others to get down. The others skid down and begin to fire and now I've gotten some strength back and I stand and join them. I tell everyone that I'm okay to run even though I don't know if I can keep up with them and we start moving up. I am more banged up then I had thought and it is hard for me to keep up. I slip but I manage to land my knees and Tom runs down to help me but can't stop in time and slips past me and stops a few feet in front of a small patch of creatures. He fights most of them off but one manages to jump on and I see him using the end of his rifle to bash the monsters head. I slide down to help him and everyone else turns around and gives us cover. I pick him up and we run catch up to the others and when we get to the top of the hill the cars are running and ready to go. We hop jump in and we drive off as fast as we can back to the hotel.

We get back to the hotel and everyone is waiting for us to arrive. Its always the same scene when we lose a battle. Families run to each other and hug the survivors and when families are informed their loved one didn't make it they collapse. I find my family in the same spot where they always wait for me in the back. I tell them what happened and that Tom saved my life. After I go back to help Dean, Jon and Tom's team clean stuff up and then I run up to our room to take a shower. After I finish showering I sit and I tend to my wounds when I hear a knock on the door. I yell for the person to come in and Tom walks in. I smile and I tell him thanks over and over and that I would never had made it out with out him. He doesn't smile or anything and it worries me. He takes a seat and stares at the ground before he says anything. Then he lets me know that he was bit and shows me the wound. My whole soul drops and I try to think of something that will cure him. I feel my insides crying but outside I just wait for Tom to think of something that will save his life. He then says that someone needs to kill him before he transforms and I tell him that there has to be a different way even though I know he is right. I feel like shit because I know if it wasn't for me he wouldn't have gotten bit. Tom tells me that he wants me to "cure" him and I tell him that I couldn't do something like that. We both walk out to let some of the others know and Tom finally talks someone into doing it. We all say our last goodbyes and I watch Tom walk off. I feel like I owe him everything and I owe his family everything. I promise myself not to waste another day and that I will live both our lives out and that one day our loved ones will find peace because of the work he put in. That I will not waste any time with trying to make me happy until everyone else is safe and happy. I stare and watch him walk off until he turns the corner and I can't see him anymore. I walk back to my room and I sit there for the rest of the night and I do nothing.


The dream house is coming along nicely. The workers are putting in a lot of work and I really appreciate their dedication. I come out a lot and watch people build and help them when ever I can or else I sit around and patrol. Jon and Dean came out today and they are cracking a lot of jokes but ever since Tom died it has been hard to laugh. I don't sleep or eat much. I wake up and go strait to work and I work until I sleep. I only eat and sleep enough to get by. I'm pretty isolated and the only people I talk to are the builders and Jon and Dean, sometimes Dick. When ever I need to share a message I usually ask Jon to tell everyone because it is difficult for me to talk to people now. Jon and Dean seem to be slightly worried about my health but I tell them I am okay. A bunch of news vans pull up and I wonder how the hell they found out about this place. Reporters run around and ask for a representative and people direct them toward me and I tell them I don't have time and that Jon and Dawson will answer their questions. Dawson does a good job bull shitting his way through the interviews and busts out a bunch of quotes people used when we watched the news. Still a couple of reporters try to get me to say something and I answer a couple of questions honestly to get rid of them. When we get home I hop in the shower and then I as soon as I jump into my bed I fall asleep and I dream that all this is over. I see myself in my backyard playing in the bright green grass with my kids while we wait for Dean and Jon to come over with their families.

Ch.12
We are really close to finishing the new house and everyone is getting pretty excited to see it. I am planning out how we are going to get everyone to the site. I have this idea where we clear out a path on the other side of the big hill where people can walk. The walk will be a little bit longer but at least the terrain won't be so harsh. If we go through with this plan we need to practice and make sure no one messes up. One slip could mean disaster. We were on one of the news stations today. It was a Dawson interview and we all found his answers to be very funny since he gave these really political, scientific and bull shit professional answers. I found it funny but I wasn't able to physically laugh for some odd reason. I go and work out later and after we have a "Hood Killers" dinner but we also invite Tom's old team. They have made a new level 2 team and didn't want to be level 1 to show respect for Tom. Everyone is joking and the happy atmosphere makes me feel lighter but I just sit back and watch everyone goof around. I cut all the noise in the room off and I just look at everyone at the dinner table. Everyone has grown up so much but they still look and act young. Dick is maybe 6 feet tall and he looks like he could kick my ass now. Maybe he has been working out more then me. Maybe its time to take him out on more missions, he probably is ready. Jon is still Jon but has matured a lot and has kind of grown into a leadership role. Jon has been going out with the cute little blonde from way back for a long time. I wonder if things are getting serious between the two. I wonder if she is still a gold digging bitch or of she actually likes Jon now. Dean is still smaller then the rest of us but he is damn quick when out in action. He actually found him self a nice little girl friend. A small little Chinese girl who is super out going and nice. They almost seems like the opposite of Dean but they seem very happy together. She even manages to lift my spirits when ever I get the chance to talk to her. She almost managed to make me laugh the other day. Jon and Dean are always hanging out together just like when we left our old home in Plymouth and Grand Forks. Deans girl and I like to make fun of Jon and Dawson's girl since they are kind of shady. Dawson and Mitch get along a lot better and they have grown close to their new team members. Dawson is still going out with the same chick as well. She has put on a lot of weight but Dawson still brags about how beautiful she is and I guess I don't really know her that well so I can't judge. I don't watch the news with Dawson much anymore since I am in my room planning things out or at the build site. Mitch is still Mitch. He doesn't have anyone new in his life but he seems to be happy. I've been with these guys forever and they seem to be happy during such a tough time in the history of man. Thats good. After dinner I walk up to my room and I go to sleep.


I brought Dick on a couple of more missions and I also take him along to patrol the site with me. He very effective but I still don't like putting him out where there are a lot of creatures. He has quickly been promoted to a level 2 team. I send him on a few missions with his new team alone but I try not to do it to much. I've given Dawson and Mitch's team a job to protect Dick's group. When ever Dick's team goes on missions, Dawson and Mitch's team goes with them. Mitch hates it and thinks I am forcing him to babysit Dick. Dawson accepts it and follows my request. Dick hates it and tells me that they just get in the way. We haven't lost any people since Tom and that is a great achievement because it has been a long while. I haven't seen my Mom and Dad for a long time and I think I should visit them next time I get a chance. I don't know what I would say to them. I introduced my plan to get everyone into the new house and it sounds like people agree with it. We will start practicing with everyone soon since we will be moving in soon.

The dream house is basically done and now we just need to get everything planned out and our strategy practiced before we move out. We went out the other and got a bunch of things that people could decorate their rooms with. Jon girlfriend was a little to excited. I wouldn't be surprised if Barbie wet her damn pants. We have been practicing how we are going to get everyone to the building a lot and it seems like people understand how this is going to work out. I showed them a bunch of pictures of the area so they could get an idea of what it might be like. I keep telling everyone that we can't afford any mistakes. I'm worried that my words are to harsh and that it scares people, but I just want everyone to be aware and ready. We made this rule where if someone trips or falls out of formation or something happens to them that everyone should keep moving because it would slow the whole line down if they stopped to help them. This made some people worried but Jon tells them they have nothing to worry about. Jon tells them that if someone trips that a level 1 or level 2 fighter will be able to help them and that everyone else should keep moving. Level 1 and 2 fighters will be roaming around and setting up a perimeter around the line of moving people. I look at Jon like "who the hell made all these ideas up?" but he keeps talking and I let him because it seems like it makes people feel better. I just hope they don't get careless.


We are on this mission with a few other teams to get some equipment to clear a clean path for people to walk on when we move into our new house in the next few days. It is a night mission and the place looks like hell but I guess what we need is in this one building so we are out to get it. Dick and his team are set up in different buildings to lend us support. My team moves into position and we get ready to run across this long street to get to the building. I look up at Dick and he is set up with his sniper rifle and I see Mitch and Dawson's team up there with him with rifles also ready to support us. We see some monsters roaming around in the street and Dean tosses a grenade at them to clear a path. When the explosion goes off we take off and shoot down what ever we can. I hear the support teams up in the buildings shooting down distant monsters while we handle to immediate threats. There are a bunch of things in the way and we split up to avoid them but quickly form into our defensive position. The three of us stand back to back and move together then split apart to get around things quick. I see this huge monster and I fire at him but my pistols seem to have no affect on him so our triangle rotates and now Jon faces the ogre and gives him a few blasts with his shotgun. It goes down a lot quicker. There are a bunch of crashed cars in the way and we slide over the hoods to get by them quicker. Dean slides over a hood and right before he gets to the other side a creature jumps out and quickly Dean stabs it in the head. Jon trips and I see a monster about to jump on him and I turn to help him but a creature jumps in front of my way and I shoot it to clear a path. As the monster I shoot drops the creature that was about to jump on Jon drops. I look around and wonder what happened to it then I look up at Dick and he gives us a thumbs up. We move in and out of the building with what we need and our way back to the car is a lot smoother. Looks like tomorrow we move into our new home.