Love and Fear

Watch this clip and tell me how you feel.



I know I feel frustrated. Why is it that when we watch things from the third person it's so obvious but when we are the party involved our vision becomes tunneled?

This is not a fake scenario. This type of stuff always happens to me because I sometimes question what I'm being taught. It happened this past Saturday to me but I don't care to go into detail about it. Look out for this type of bullshit. Don't put up with it.

I'm Dumb, Stupid, Closed Minded, Ignorant, And Arrogant

Well, just burning time before class again. I am finished with midterms, yahoo! If I get a B on my midterm papers, I will be happy. They are like uber shitty and my citations are poor. But at least midterms are over! I think I have one more test next month and then finals. Then winter break! Hoooody hoo. But then spring semester, aww. But then spring break! Hoooody hooo. But then finals, aww. But then I graduate! Hooody hoo. But then I have to enter the real world or figure some major shit out, aww. It doesn't end does it? Oh well, as long as the important things in life stay intact.

[Give up everything, leave without out it, 'cause we are not coming back]

I'm looking forward to the Underoath concert, Gears of War2, Left 4 Dead, and when does Watchman come out? Zack Snyder is kind of a gangster and even though the Watchman trailer didn't blow me away like the 300 trailer did, I have to peep it. It's Snyder, it has to be good. Just make sure you guys don't go to an AMC theater on the weekends. It's fucking $10! I don't think I've ever paid that much for a movie before. And when I ask, "when does Watchman come out?" I can easily Google it (Fuck Google, Yahoo! is kind of the o.g.) but I don't. Because if I did, I'd have nothing to talk about. I'm kind of a people person. A SOCIALIST! Oh no, a fucking communist! Scaarrry! Like Halloween. And Saw movies. Halloween gives college girls an excuse to show off their large, firm breasts and their ass-cheeks. Impressive. (What?)

[Let go of me, let go of me]

So the issue of religion has come up a lot in my life lately. I really don't know where I stand when it comes to religion and it bothers me a little. I mean, if I don't know what I am thinking and feeling, who does? God? What do other people think about religion? I've been watching a lot of Bill Maher's commentary on religion and everything makes sense, but it's up to me to put all the pieces together. Not Bill Maher, or god, or atheists, or conservatives. Everything about religion seems so cult like and everything logical and rational says it's just so stupid. But how can the whole world believe in this? Is the whole world that afraid that there are some things in the world that can't be answered? It doesn't bother me that I nor anyone has the answers, but that everyone is so agitated by it. It affects everyone, even if you don't believe in religion. If you're an atheist, you're an anarchist and a devil lover. It's just a huge mess.

[I'm the desperate, and you're the savior]

This weekend I think my church is attending a Christian concert. It should be cool. No, it's not the Underoath/Devil Wears Prada show although that is very Christiany show and my church should go, haha. I am hoping there is a little movement instead of seats but I don't see how dancing conforms to church views. Think about how crazy that Oath/TDWP show is going to be? Last year I couldn't handle one hour of Oath. Now throw in TDWP? Insane! And a little Saosin and Person L? Icky icky. Let's not forget P.O.S, haha.

[No one's listening anyway]

I just read an article that said Bill O'Reilly got a contract renewal where he gets paid 10 million a year. That's a lot of money. I guess he isn't voting for Obama? Haha. The money doesn't bother me because O'Reilly's show brings in a lot of viewers and that's what drives the broadcasters. What bothers me is that it's Bill O'Reilly. And this was said: ""Bill O'Reilly is the most prominent and influential name in all of cable news, and his contribution to the network's success cannot be overstated," Fox News chairman and CEO Roger Ailes said." Is it not scary that someone like Bill O'Reilly is INFLUENTIAL?

[I was to scared to show, what I am]

I also read an article questioning New England Patriots coach Billy B. Some people are blaming him for Rodney Harrison's leg injury. The Pat's were up by 30 some points and kept Harrison on the field late in the 3rd quarter I think it was. I am going to side Billy on this one. I'm someone who believes that you fight to the end no matter what, don't look back. A football game is technically 60 minutes, so you will play 60 minutes. Football is supposed to be played by people like Bill Belichick, Hines Ward, Peyton Manning, Brett Favre, Troy Polamalu. Someone got hurt in a football game. If you are shocked by that, then I don't know what you are watching.

[We are the cancer, we are the virus]

So I watched the Myspace artist on artist interview with Zac Efron and Ashley Tisdale last night. Which lead me to watch a shit load of other ones. Serj Tankian is the fucking man. Mark Wahlberg is weird. But does anyone else want to be Zac Efron? Dude's kind of cool. I wish he would choose better roles, be a little more Jared Leto like. Except Leto is so serious it's kind of scary. And I think I am developing a little secret crush in Ashley Tisdale. It's a secret! Shhh! I was originally a fan of her because she was in Donnie Darko, which is the best movie ever (Shut up if you think it isn't. Let's fight!). I really haven't seen anything else she has done except for High School Musical 2 which I saw on my flight to Korea. I also saw a Harry Potter which was pretty cool. I know Tisdale is also a singer and sold like 60,000 copies her first week. Which is really good, and kind of sad. I think Senses Fail and Underoath sold like 20,000 their first week and that is considered good for them. Maybe I'm a little unfair because I haven't listened to Tisdale's album and maybe it is legit. I am assuming it isn't. But I am assuming it is better than Paris Hilton's. Plus, I learned that Tisdale is strait edge. That's way coool, especially for her because she is probably around other stars that are drunk, or high all the time. I kind of have a thing for people who are strait edge. It's hard to find people who have that philosophy. Donnie Darko role + strait edge. Is there anything else? Haha. I read that Joe Biden doesn't drink alcohol which is uber cool too. I read Al Frankin is strait edge too. He gets my vote, haha.

[It's all my head, if you want, you can look inside]

Anywho, I have to go eat lunch (Subway, my Mommy bought it for me, tee hee) and then go to class. Then I have to film. Which is kind of dumb seeing that I'm the editor. So I have to help on set, and then while everyone else is at home, I have to edit when it comes time to edit. I get double the work load...weird huh? Oh well. I'm kind of dumb, stupid, closed minded, ignorant, and arrogant.

http://bulletins.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=bulletin.read&authorID=9121536&messageID=6166474677&MyToken=2ceaf073-02b2-48e9-a021-665ce1ee012c&hash=MIG3BgorBgEEAYI3WAPfoIGoMIGlBgorBgEEAYI3WAMBoIGWMIGTAgMCAAECAmYDAgIAwAQIluNLo4U7dioEEPElmO6eyifeVqsj8sgBQrUEaGXh%2fHk8OyZCWTURw%2fNIoOvol35cjIn%2bgQvyZcS4EuqcVyLmlh6RoHE66Hsl8bwtRhUQN%2famKaFQ52hvXIkbdBNIj15%2fgp7XT9ONFONYrnsjO4oVhCslZgHOecU%2fFa6opvSovdsmJtCa

Staple Everything

Staple your damn mouth.

[But who would want me anyway...]

I have one of two mid-term papers that are due this week all finished. One more due tomorrow. I get to submit that one online so I'll be "working at home". 2 of my classes didn't meet this week and it was fricken sweet.

[I have nothing left to give]

Not much really to update on. Just writing 'cause I have an hour until my feminist film studies class. Class is kind of a joke. Not because it's a feminist class, but because of what we do. I would consider my self a feminist so I thought it was going to be a lot more interesting but it hasn't turned out that way. The class meets once a week and we watch a movie pretty much the whole class period. Then we blog on that movie and read abstract essays that go like this, "blah blah blah, vagina, blah." I thought we were going to be all like, "fuck people who don't believe in equality". We watched Basic Instinct in that class and one of the students had to leave due to the graphic sexuality. She looked to be very "pure" and churchy. You know, one of those kids whose parents doesn't want them to see the real world so they block them from everything violent and sexual. And so the first time that child sees something violent and sexual they don't know how to react to it. My parents didn't shield me from everything but they did limit the quantity. They also told me that I need to learn how to separate fantasy and reality. If you're a parent and you can't do that with your child because it's "weird" - just quit. But no one should take my opinion on this, I'm not a parent and I have no idea what I'm talking about. I honestly mean that. How could I have any understanding of how to raise children, I've never done it before. This is the trouble with blogs because you lose the timbre of the voice. I'm assuming people are thinking I'm being sarcastic when I say don't believe me because I'm an arrogant mo fo. But I seriously mean it. I have no experience being a parent, so I can't offer good advice. It's just how I feel. I just feel bad when people aren't educated on real life things.

[Accept the answers without a question, it's easier]

Anyone else bumping this new Senses Fail? I got a lot of mixed feelings for it, but it's Senses Fail, I could never hate it. It's tough Still Searching had to be their 2nd full length (I consider it their 3rd album though, 'cause that EP is so legit), 'cause that was a epic masterpiece. This new album doesn't sound as nearly as polished as Still Searching but Buddy comes through and speaks words that can lift any confused soul. I can't wait for the next time Senses Fail rolls through Minnesota so I can scream these new tunes out with them. Screaming is the right word too, a lot more screaming on this record. I'm pretty sure I've seen Senses Fail more than any other band. I want to know which song on this record was inspired by the latest Rambo movie. Oh, and how come Minnesota sucks for shows. So many tours skip over us. But I guess it's better than the Dakotas. This fall I'll be missing, Anberlin, Scary Kids, and Senses Fail. I chose not to go to the Chiodos 'cause Escape The Fate has fallen apart with the departure of Ronnie and their guitar player. But I do plan on hitting up this epic Underoath show. (I think I should not use the word epic.)

[turn my cuts into scars]

Well, I didn't want this blog to be long so I'm going to end it. Oh wait, no I'm not. I saw Quarantine this past weekend. I liked it of course, anything dealing with the death of stupid human beings and massive amounts of zombies is all good. There are some issues with it but nothing I couldn't get over. Check it out if you like zombo flicks. Just don't pay $10 for it like I did (Damn you AMC!).

Random Chunks

I have an hour until my video production class and I need to waste a little time. This blog is going to really random and crazy, so please leave now. I've been watching a lot of avant-garde films and been thinking artistically a lot lately so this might be the reason behind this.

[We no longer listen to honesty because it has no glamor]

Fall is in full effect isn't it? Good or bad, I don't really know. I don't have any good hoodies, so I'm kind of cold.

[Please don't forget about the things that make you feel]

Reasons why I am not voting for Nobama:
1) He is a terrorist.
2) He is an Arab.
3) He's black.
4) Sarah Palin is better.
5) He doesn't like cars from Japan and South Korea.
6) He likes the middle-class too much.

[Like a magician, you made his faith disappear]

It seems like every time around this year I think about a whole bunch of shit I wish I didn't think about. I don't know what makes me think these thoughts. Maybe school, maybe the fall season and that everything is taking in a last breath of air before they hibernate, maybe friends and family, maybe music since usually a lot of new albums come out around this time. I really don't know. Last year wasn't as tough and I wish I knew why so I could follow that path. Maybe it was my trip to Korea? God, I really miss that place and I really miss the family back in Korea. It's crazy to think that I could meet some people for the first time in my life and feel like I've loved them for 21 years. Part of me feels like that is due to Korean culture, but another part feels like because that's the power of family. When I was a teenager and I thought I was finally understanding life and getting a grasp on everything, my Mom told me something that has really stuck with me. She told me that family would always be there and that you should put family first. At that time, I felt like your friends could also be a part of your family. I thought you could build these amazing relationships with friends and have those bonds be as strong as family bonds. You can build amazing bonds with friends, but they will never be "family" and I understand that now. I think it took me 3 years to finally digest that fact. It's really some shit I didn't want to really believe, but there is nothing I can do. Humans run around and around in these circles and it's no problem to them.

[There is a light that never goes out]

I'm so ready for Obama to be our president and for Bush not to be our president. For the people that voted Bush in 2004, please think about who you are voting for this time around. Actually think. Please.

[Please wait around for a while, because I promise you, I will]

I super excited for this little game called Gears of War 2 to come out. It comes out November 7th and it has already gone gold. That's pretty cool. I've been practicing on Gears 1 so when Gears 2 comes out I can be tip-top. Horde Mode: Dick, Jon, Min. Holler.

When I'm An Old Man

I always hear people say, "everyone is a liberal when they are young."
So you're telling me that as we age, we become greedy, grumpy, and turn into liars?

Well, that's not 100% true and stated very bluntly. I have too much homework to expand.

I look forward to how my views on the world change as I age. Hopefully blogging will still be cool then.

Season: Fall

I've never seen this Paramore video before. I just saw it and it really makes me feel weird. But like a good weird.



Fall is when all the animals go away and nature goes into a sort of "coma." But for me it makes me kind of happy. I still feel warm inside knowing that everyone is getting ready for the freezing (Minnesota) winter. That we are all going to bundle up. I love the feel of the chill on my face. I love the feel of that same wind brushing against my hoodie. I love it when my Mom tells me to bundle up. Enjoy these last few days of Earth everyone.

(Does anyone know what that "Eternal Sunshine" filter is that they use in this video? To make everything seem so homely and like it was shot with a video camera from the '70s? I really like it. It makes me feel nostalgic.)

Sony Brand DVs

The title has nothing to do with this blog and that should be a strong indicator that this blog is going to be a little coo-coo. Words like coo-coo being used should also be a sign for you to stay very far away. Anywho, I've been super super busy lately but I have like 10 more minutes to kill before my next class. I'm either super uber duber (what?) busy or else I have like 30 minutes where I have nothing to do. Why can't I just collect all those 30 minutes of nothing and create like an extra day? I'd call the day "Fusion" and place it before Tuesday just because my mind is telling me to do it that way. Also because come the end of Monday, I'll be having a day off. While all you normal people go to school/work on Tuesday while I enjoy Fusion. Then if this were real life, I'd meet up with you guys on Wednesday. Which means I pretty much skipped Tuesday, but I didn't, because I was enjoying Fusion. Jerks.

Actually, the title does have a little significance. I need to buy a tiny boat load (Like a canoe) of Sony brand DV tapes. They are for my advanced video production class and I need a bunch of 'em. That class surely knows how to bust a few balls when it comes to scheduling and time. I find myself uber busy out side of class because of it, but it is a class I really do enjoy. It actually doesn't feel like a class to me. Just learning and experiencing and most of the time enjoying. I really do hope my career path does lead this way. I think I need to start hitting up the U of M's Comm department a little more. I want to be able to production without having to suffer the starving artist life. I need stability. I plan on having a family and living comfortably. That's why I'm going to a huge university, right? Who knows though, it's better not to fret about it. (Fret, like a guitar fret, hehe).

Anywho, I'm dipping.

I'm 21...really.

I've been enjoying the Olympics like crazy. I love competition, I love pride, I love underdogs, I love dedication, I love Lucy. What?

There has been a lot of drama lately though about the age of some athletes and if the Chinese are being fair. It's tough to say cause Asian people normally look younger, at least I think so. But didn't some girl on the Chinese gymnastics team get pulled out or something after these rumors started to fly? That's a little too fishy for me. I think there is a strong chance they are cheating, but I really don't blame them. This is the largest sports platform they have ever had and they want to world to take notice. I mean, I always enjoy fair play, but sometimes pride just takes over and one does things they know just aren't right. Cheating - very possible. Do I personally blame them - no, not really.

That M.Phelps guy is crazy good. He's won enough medals though. I'm rooting for someone else now. Like I said, I like rooting for the underdog.

Oh back to the Chinese girls gymnastics team. Now I'm no expert on female makeup or any sort of makeup...but DAMN. All that shit above their eyes, not very appealing.

After working at the M.O.A for a week I've learned a few things. If I ever become owner of the world, I am going to make it a law that everyone has to be nice. I will pass judgment on people. When I get nice costumers, it no longer is work but rather just helping a nice human being. But someone people are just stupid as fuck. And when you're ordering when a blender is going nutso, talk LOUDER! People confuse me. I wish there was a nation where only nice people could live in.

2008 Olympics

I don't know if this blog will do more justice if I keep it short, or if I write in depth. Since my Warped was so long, I'll keep it short.

I was choked up like crazy during the opening ceremonies. Just way fucking amazing.

If you're Chinese and you aren't proud, let me know so I can stab you. That ceremony was so fucking epic I'm just proud to be Asian. Fuck Asia, if you're a human being and your not proud, let me stab you.

I just want to cry after that. And I would've but I would have cried way to fucking much.

Good luck London. I'll forgive you guys if your ceremony isn't as good as China's.

Hottest athlete I saw was from Uruguay, I think.

This is the world. The only time the world can set everything aside and come together as human beings. It's like watching some fake universe. It's an amazing feeling.
(Good work Russia and Georgia...)

God bless the WORLD.

Get To The Chopper

I'm tired, so a quick one before bed.

I just finished a video. It turned out okay. I won't be able to post it online because it exceeds the 10 minute limit Youtube restricts us to. However I should have another one coming out soon. That one will fit on Youtube for sure. I want to edit a few more videos while I still have summer time left to do it. It's hard to get around to editing videos during the school year. I also want to film and create a few other movies and ideas before summers end as well. But to make sweet shit, one needs bodies and minds. I tried a couple of times this summer but failed due to lack of support. Hopefully I can pound out a few more though.

I keep thinking about how sweet next year is going to be when I'm in Korea. I get very nervous and very excited. I'm nervous because I'll be off on my own in a new land and I won't be able to see all my loved ones. Excited because of every thing else. I'm probably going to video blog like crazy next year. Talking about video blogging makes me want to video blog. Maybe I'll document how boring my life is right now...but how boring would that be to watch?

How long was that Warped Tour blog I wrote yesterday? Yikes!

Anyone else see that new Paris Hilton video? She is almost officially cool in my book. I have some respect for her now. Do your thing Paris!

Arnie has infested my life as of late.

WARPED TOUR 2008!

I'm thinking about the blog I wrote for last years Warped and I remember it being an epic blog. I've written some pretty long blogs in my day, but that one might top them all. I'm going to try to keep this one cohesive and concise but I feel I will most likely fail. And fail hard.

So every summer there is this little rock and roll tour that goes around the US and a few Canadian spots called the Warped Tour. It's kind of epic and if you've never been to one and you listen to rock music, don't consider your self a fan of rock music just yet. Stick to like, rap or pop music until you get your cherry popped. It's kind of like the Mecca of rock festivals, although I'll give Bamboozle credit only because the type of rock played there is the type I enjoy most (Sorry SXSW and 'Palooza). So this little tour I blog about every summer has been around for a little while, no big deal. It started out primarily as a giant punk tour, but it has evolved probably mostly because of Kevin Lyman, the founder and mastermind behind Warped. Now I'm not going to talk like I know the guy personally, because I don't, but to me he seems like a very hard working, thoughtful, caring, open minded, and most importantly a fan of rock music. Warped has evolved into a place where all types of music come together, but the core is still the same. For example, Katy Perry was on this years tour. You know, she kissed a girl, and she liked it. She is considered a pop act, but she has some edge to her and I consider her a Warper. Now every summer I claim that Warped Tour is the highlight of my summer, well, because it is. I sit here now and think that aside from trips to Korea and once in a lifetime events, Warped Tour is the highlight of my year every year. I can't think of a time where I feel more free and happy. I am around my mainest duders, Dean and Jon, I am surrounded by music culture, I can act a fool and no body gives a huffck, we eat lots of food and drink lots of tasty drinks, I am surrounded by a demographic that is probably 99% liberal and I can yell politically insensitive things with out getting into trouble, and I can yell swear words and not worry about an old person slapping my wrist (Not that I need to swear to communicate, but it's just part of my language). It's so perfect. I feel sluggish at times during the summer because I hate sitting around and doing nothing, but Warped just juices me back up. I feel like a child again.

I don't know where to go from this and this will probably happen a couple of times during this blog, but hey, kiss my dick head. I'll just start talking about Warped '08. My neck is still sore and my voice is sore. This is probably the most sore my voice has been after any Warped. I think I am getting more into the singing of the bands. My back and legs and knees and ankles and feet are a lot better than previous Warpeds.

I don't consider Warped Tour a one day event, no, not for us it's not. For me, I listen to all Warped Tour music all summer to get ready. Warped has always been on a Sunday for us so I call the whole weekend, "Warped Weekend," cool name huh? Friday we all chill and we get active to prepare our bodies for Warped. Saturday we sit around and play video games and listen to Warped music and rest our bodies. We eat a isht ton of good food as well. Sunday is the main event. We usually wake up early, get us some McDonalds breakfast, get us some energy drinks from Freedom, and off to the venue for an epic day. One of the best parts about Warped Weekend is the day after Warped. When we are all suffering from Post-Warped Tour Syndrome (Yes, it's a proper noun and a clinical illness) on Monday we sit in Jon's basement and do nothing at all. All movies, all TV. Usually no video games either since we are just too lazy to move. Too lazy and sore and just sitting there doing nothing is honestly the most efficient thing you can do after a Warped Tour. We don't even leave the house for food, we order pizza. This year it got messed up a little but no big, I'll explain later (if I remember). Warped Weekend lasts from Friday till Monday for me and I huffking love it. Around this time late Monday/early Tuesday it sets in that Warped Weekend is over and that I will need to wait a whole year to experience this time of music and bonding again. I remember thinking in '07 it'll never come, and it came in no time. I sit here thinking waiting a year is way too long, and I remind myself how I felt in '07 but I can't help but feel sad/nervous/nostalgic. It's truly a beautiful time to me. It might not be a big deal to others, but I really appreciate everything that goes on during this time.

This years Warped was way different, but it also shared many repeated traditions. Friday and Saturday was pretty normal. Sunday started out the same. We all meet up and head over to McDonalds. Got our grub on and then went over to Freedom and got me a Rip It. The strange thing about this years Warped is that it wasn't 900 degrees and humid and sunny. It was cloudy and warm which sounds like heaven for a Warped tour. Already it was different. This year, we would drive our selves to Warped instead of having someone's parents drop us off. Why? Because it wasn't at the Metrodome but rather Canterbury Park. Parking was free, which was nice but it took for ever for all the Warped goers to get into the parking lot. I don't think Canterbury Park was ready for that many vehicles to all come in at once. I started to panic a little because I was worried that I might miss a very important set. We got in eventually and the first thing I had to do was take a shit. Pretty convenient too because poopers were all set up at the front. Jon started this cool thing last year where we buy and extra sandwich at McDs and eat it in line. Just kind of funny. Oh, and even in line, I just feel giddy and ready. I mean I just start talking to the people around me because I just feel so comfortable and everyone always has a positive response. The couple in front of me got angry because they saw a Jon McCain sticker, and we got a laugh out of it. They needed a lighter for their cigs but were too shy to ask so I just yell out for a lighter and right away I get about 3 offers. It's just an awesome community. I hate smoking, but I can with stand it when Warped Tour is waiting for me. Like mentioned above, this one is at a new location. Usually when we go to the 'Dome we know exactly where to go when we get in. Take a right, go strait and then a left and look for the giant red balloon. We were lost again and had to search for the red balloon while worrying about who might be playing and who we might be missing. It didn't take us long and we were relieved to find out that we weren't missing anyone. Afterwards we walked about to mark where all the stages were going to be. We had about an hour before Color Fred got on stage who were the first act we wanted to see. After we organized all the stages in our brain pieces, we did some tent viewing. Dean almost got a spray tattoo on his damn dome. It would have been sick...not, 'toos are ugly. But it's Dean, anything looks cute on Dean. We hit up the Rock Band tent and showed everyone how The Formula To... does things. Eh, not really, something was fucked up and we barely got into the game. Again, I just asked the first person behind me if they knew what was going on and she helped us out. She even sang for us. I can't stress how cool people are there. Maybe everyone there are just as jacked up as I am and nothing can spoil their moods. She was a pretty good singer too. We met up with Danielle and Anne since they were there too and chatted before we went our separate ways to see our desired acts.

These are the beautiful acts we were blessed to see at Warped Tour 2008:
12:55 - The Color Fred
2:00 - Every Time I Die
2:30 - Anberlin
3:10 - Say Anything (Haha, well, not really)
4:10 - Angels and Airwaves
5:00 - OreskaBAND
5:10 - Story of the Year
5:40 - Motion City Soundtrack
6:00 - The Devil Wears Prada
6:40 - The Academy Is...
7:30 - Sky Eats Airplane

Beautiful is it not? $30 for these many great acts? Too good of a deal. And this was the thinnest Warped Tour lineup that I've been to and I've been hearing ever. But it's still Warped and still amazing. The thin lineup is one factor why I am not as sore today as previous Warpeds. That and I'm quite experienced now when it comes to concerts and I've learned my tendencies and how to prepare.

I got to say I like the Hurley stage the best. The main stages hold too many people bu the Hurley stage is always intimate and the crowds are the funnest.

The Color Fred I guess would be the second act we saw behind From First to Last, but they don't count. Sunday was the first time I ever saw TCF and I can't wait to see them again. Very good performance and I like how Fred explained what his songs were about. Of course Fred played "Minnesota", even though I saw he wasn't playing it at other shows. I enjoyed The Color Fred much more than I thought I would. They were a very good band to get warmed up to. Fred is looking mighty old and nasty these days. Maybe because he is just on Warped and maybe because he isn't dressed up all nicely like he did when he was with Taking Back Sunday. His hair is thinning and he is starting to develop a belly. Naturally I was rocking out and I've never seen my self actin' a fool but I can imagine I look very weird and unorthodox. I'm very Anthony Green meets Spencer Chamberlin meets Mike Hranica with a hint of Ronnie Winter. These girls behind me started mocking me moves, but out of respect and love I guess, haha. They patted me on the back and explained how much they "loved" me. I got a good laugh out of it. At first I was worried I was annoying them, but I think they genuinely liked my performance haha.

Another break before Anberlin and Everytime I Die. The first half of the day was kind of slow and had gaps between acts we wanted to see. But the second half of the day was like bang, bang, bang. (If that makes any sense). We caught Everytime I Die from the back and then moved to the side since Anberlin was next on the other main stage. ETID always has their fans do crazy ish. This time instead of the "Wall of death," they wanted to crowd to perform a "Crawl of Death." So fans made a giant pit and got on their knees and instead of charging each other, crawled toward each other. ETID was very considerate and didn't want anyone to get hurt. Tee hee! Then Anberlin's turn. Anberlin won the extra 10 minutes and got to play us a couple of extra songs. I've seen Anberlin before and I remember how great Stephen was. This time wasn't as good as the first time, but I still enjoyed their set. I had a bunch of cool dudes around me punching crowd surfers along with me and yelling and screaming. However, not all was gravy. These two stubborn ass girls kept throwing elbows at us because they didn't like moshing. Awwww...so you go to a rock concert and expect everyone to sip their tea and sit and enjoy the show. Hell no. One of the girls asked me to stop and to back up or else she was going to do something. I explained that everyone is jam packed and that it would be impossible for me to push about 50 rows of bodies even if I wanted to. She gave me a dirty little face but when the other guys I was moshing with started making fun of her she quickly turned back. But if she would have given me one more piece of attitude or one more elbow, I would have have to knocked her fat ass and her skinny girl friend the fuck out. "Oh no, punch girls Min?" Yes, yes I would. I don't look at girls as an inferior gender, but I do understand they are sometimes disadvantaged because of society and I always try to help them. I respect women very much mostly because of how wonderful and hard working my Mom is. Women sacrifice more than men do I think. I want to treat my Mom and my future wife like the most important things on Earth. Probably because they are to me. But when someone is that ignorant and egotistical about a concert, they deserve a Min Lee beat down to the face. And I ain't scared to supply one. They managed to keep their cool and no blood was shed during Anberlin.

Say Anything was next...oh wait, they didn't play at all, haha. Max Bemis was too sick and weren't able to play. I hear that he has missed a couple of shows now. I hear they didn't play the Chicago date but they got a very special treat. Other people filled in for Max. I know Anberlin, and Every Time I Die came and sang for Max. How come they didn't do this for Minnesota?! That would have been soooooo awesome to see. But ya, no Say Anything. What a damn shame. I wouldn't have even known if it wasn't for Anberlin letting us know since they were back to back.

Anberlin and Color Fred said that the Minnesota show was the best crowd they have had so far. I wonder if bands just say that to feed the audience or if they actually mean it? Meh.

So then we waited for Angels and Airwaves. I was pretty excited to see these guys 'cause I thought their music seemed pretty atmospheric. Well, I was dissapointed and I don't expect myself to be going to any AVA shows soon. I just couldn't get into it. Maybe it was the people around me because we were kind of in a shitty spot where people don't really jump around and stuff. The only fun I had at AVA was making fun of Tom with Dean. I think AVA was the only band to fail me at Warped and Dean had warned me before their set. But I think AVA probably had the largest crowd of this year's Warped. Some fans even brought home made AVA flags they waved around.

Next was OreskaBAND. A Japanese girl ska band. They were freakin awesome too! And I don't even listen to ska. They seemed to have a lot of fun and they seemed like very fun people. Some british hardcore band played before them, on the sister stage, and for their mic check they mocked the growls the screamer was making. They were pretty good at English too. The music was uber loud because we were right next to the speakers. Glad we had to leave early or else my ears would have hurt a lot more.

We left early because Story of the Year was playing at the main stage. First time seeing these guys and I loved it! I was never really super into them, but I thought their first CD was pretty good, their second CD was eh, but I really like The Black Swan. They are a really good live show though. They get the crowd involved and their guitars are so damn good it could get anyone moshing. My favorite song they played was "'Is This My Fate', He Asked Them." That song had me going nuts and was almost worth the price of admission it self. SOTY has taken a lot of bashing because of how bad their second CD was, but I think they are back now. I think people didn't like it because Page Avenue was a lot more poppy and they went very heavy afterwards. They might not have Page success, but I think people will enjoy their music. Plus they are on Epitaph, people on that label to pretty well.

After Story of the Year we skipped over to the sister main stage to watch home town heroes Motion City Soundtrack. They were good, of course. We started out with poor position because we didn't have time to set up a camp since we were watching SOTY but we managed to push our way to a good spot. When I saw we, I mean Jon and myself because we lost Dean in the mess. And we aren't marines so we left him behind haha. No worries, Dean will do his thing. During the chaos a large group of the crowd fell over and MCS stopped playing and waited for everyone to get back up. Second time I have ever seen something like that happen the first one being during My Chemical Romance at a previous Warped. This was when MCR was picking up crazy steam with Helena and such songs. It was so intense that Dawson passed out during that set. Motion City had a very good show. There was only one song I didn't know because I don't really like their new CD that much. The funniest part of the whole Warped might have been after MCS finished. If you go to enough rock shows you will see the "defender boyfriend" or "defender male." This class of mosher are very annoying. What they do is set up a barrier for their girl friends or a girl friend or sister or some one with their elbows and just elbow the people around them so no one touches their girl. This is not because they are worried some guy might get his feel on, but rather so they can breath and not get smoshed in the chaos. Remember, our big ol' friend Dawson passed out during MCR, think about what a crazy crowd can do to a skinny little girl. But of course the elbows are very inconvenient for the other around him. Well, this specific defender male had more after the set. The couple needed to get out and the crowd was moving a little to slow for their taste so instead of asking people to move, the guy decides he wants to stiff arm people. Jon catches one of his stiff arms and we look at each other like, "what the fuck is this guy doing?" Jon says, "watch this," and follows the guy around but does it backwards so all the guy sees is Jon's back. And in a crowd, a back is a back, there is no way of telling if you've seen that back before. Jon doesn't just follow them, but grinds the couple with his back and the guy continues ti give Jon's back the stiff arm sporadically as he tries to stiff arm others while he keeps on arm on his girl. Funny stuff. I wish the guy would have gotten mad and thrown a punch at Jon so we could have beat his face in. The beat his girl up, haha, only KIDDING!

Now for the worst part of my Warped Tour 2008. So, remember how the first half of the day had gaps between most of the acts. Well the second half was uber crazy. I didn't know we had a back to back to back on our hands and Jon and I just sat by the balloon waiting for Dean. So while we are waiting, The Devil Wears Prada is playing at the Hurley stage. This pissed me the fuck off because TDWP was the band I was most looking forward to see. We missed a lot of their set but while I was there I rocked the fuck out. I would have made anyone proud. I was in the circle pit for this one fore sure. When I'm in a circle pit I don't really interact with the other circlers like most do. Rather I just stake a spot and do my really strange moves that go along with the music. Air drum, rock infused pop and locks, strange hang gestures, threatening movements, too much grabbing of my shirt and belt, too much slapping of my belt buckle. TDWP is sick live, period. In the circle pit I got blasted pretty hard by someone and Jon told me later that it might have been him, haha. Like I said, I'm not one to move from end to end looking for targets. I'm more of a pinball type. Jon pretty much sent me from one side of the pit to the other. I think for a while I was doing a pac-man with my hands. Sometimes I don't even remember some of the shit I do because I honestly feel like I'm in a trance. The music dictates what I do and how I move. Sounds strange but it's true. I'm pretty passionate about my music, which I've been question lately. This is a topic I've been meaning to blog about and I probably will tomorrow since I just reminded myself. But the next TDWP show that comes through Minnesota is a must for me since I missed some of their songs. Who's down?!

Next was The Academy Is.... I didn't go into the pit for this one since I was sooooo depressed I missed some of The Devil Wears Prada's set. But The Academy Is... is amazing live. I saw them way back but I didn't really listen to them so I didn't pay much attention. Bill Beckett is an amazing singer. He sounded pretty much flawless except for a few voice cracks towards the end of he set when his voice must have felt a little weaker. Plus he played a few new songs that which might have something to do with it. But they are amazing live. Go see them. I like their music and I told Dean the night before Warped, "These guys should be sweet," but I didn't expect a blow away performance by them. But they blew me away and I am really pumped for this new CD of theirs coming out soon. If TAI comes with some good acts in the fall, I want to go see them again. They are a pop-rock act and that isn't always my favorite show since it's usually a bunch of little girls who sit there to admire Bill Becketts v-neck shirts and skinny jeans. Along with his high cheek bones. I'd go to admire his performance. If you like pop-rock, go see these guys. The only good Ramen band...well, Paramore too, haha.

Last band we watched was Sky Eats Airplane. An upcoming metal act. We don't know much about them but wanted to check them out. They are deece. TAI pretty much was our closer.

This Warped probably had the most interaction with other people. We took a picture with long time Warped and concert hero, "Gigantor," and another legend we discovered during the Oath show last fall. This dude always wears a cow outfit and during ETID at the Oath show they stopped playing cause Keith saw him in the circle pit and made him do a dance. I hope to get these pictures up soon. Oh, we also ran into Jeff Blanchard and his friends. Nice friends he has. But maybe it's just Warped atmosphere. I don't think we had any band interaction this year. Last year I think I ran into Amber Pacific, Underoath, and most importantly Meg&Dia haha. That's when we got engaged.

I was bummed we couldn't see more OreskaBAND. I think there might have been another act I wanted to see a little of. I was super bummed I missed some of TDWP. Katy Perry was overlapped with like Motion City so she mos def got the bump. But I wanted to see the number one artist out right now on Warped. I don't think I'll be able to say that again. Maybe next year Justin Timberlake will be on Warped.

Even while leaving I had fun. I just kept talking to people on the way out and just yelled at people, "See you next year" and random things. And I got a couple of air high fives. On the way home we stopped by Taco Bell and got some grubski and drinks. We didn't want to leave because we were kind of drained but eventually forced our selves up and out. We sat around Jon's for a bit and then Dean rolled out since he had to work Monday morning. Poor guy. Usually we sleep at Jon's but I had to drop Dick off somewhere so I went home. But post-Warped Monday was still a success. Glad Warped wasn't as hot as today.

And that was my Warped Tour 2008. Like I said, don't consider your self a fan of rock until you've been to one of these. No excuses. "I had to work every year" is not a valid excuse. Quit your damn job, it's that great. I said that when I worked at Old Navy and if they didn't give me Warped Tour off, I would have quit on the spot. It's that important to me. If people have time to go to We Fest, you have time to go to Warped. Fuck a We Fest. People don't even go to We Fest for the music. Why don't you just go to a park and get drunk or something. I don't get why you go to a music festival to get drunk. Doesn't make much sense to me. That's something else I wanted to blog about.

This year I only went with Jon and Dean and I think that is the perfect way to enjoy my Warped Tour. We met up with a couple of friends, but didn't really mosh with them. Honestly, I don't think they would have been able to keep up anywho. But spending Warped Weekend with Dean and Jon is the only way to go. I'm not even going to invite other people next year. Others are just distractions. When I first started going to concerts, I thought the people I went with were just extra baggage. Then eventually I started enjoyed moshing with Jon 'cause he knew how to keep up and he doesn't complain about a crowd surfer kicking up or other people doing stuff and Jon actually knew the music. Plus his stories weren't complete bull shit like other make up. Then I started going to concerts with Dean and I learned I enjoyed concerts more with him. He doesn't complain, loves music, and doesn't make up fake stories to share after concerts. Plus, he never makes up dumb excuses. If Dean can get work off, drive one hour from Rochester or 4 hours from North Dakota to make concerts, the other people around here that miss events are just dumb. Plus he drives back and works on Mondays after Warped. I love that dude because I know he is there unless he absolutely can't make it. Like I am visiting my Mom is China. That's borderline (ha), but a pretty good excuse. So after this Warped, I started thinking why do I always try and organize large groups for concerts? I can just go with Jon and Dean and rock out even harder with out having to worry if other people are passing out or crying or scared or what ever. Look...I'm not knocking on anyone, I'm just saying Dean and Jon are my fucking boys. I remember coming home from the Taking Back Sunday, Underoath, and Armor for Sleep concert and feeling triumphant as ever. Why? Because I ended that show next to my boys Jon and Dean. I couldn't scripted it better. We shed the people who couldn't keep up and ended an epic show in an epic fashion. I mean Dean pissed his pants a little. That's epic. Next year might be my last Warped for a while since I might go to Korea for a year and I want that one to be perfect. So I am hoping Jon and Dean will be there. I don't like to use to L-bomb but I think I'll drop one here. I fucking love Jon and Dean. It's been a while since I've felt comfortable saying that I love my friends. Not because I'm a dude, but because I wasn't sure if I meant it. I know I'm a stubborn, some times selfish, and sometimes too proud, and I live and think life should lived in weird "honorable" ways. Because of my weird mind sets, I often get mad at my friends because things don't work out the way I hoped. But do know that I am forever loyal, I am forever loving, and I do care (too much), that is why I get upset. I think Jon and Dean understand that part about me when other only see the pride, the stubbornness, and the gumpy Min. Once you can finally understand me, you understand why I act the way I do. I don't mean to sound like a cocky prick, but if everyone had a best friend like me, you wouldn't ever feel lonely or stranded. I'm the type of dude that will follow a friend into battle for any reason. Easy to say, but I think I've proven this. I saw this understanding that maybe in a month I will be upset with this thing we call relationships and friends but as of right now, I love all my friends. Shit, I might actually like Cory Johnson and Laura Hoffman...no, actually I don't, haha. That's the first time I've said Laura Hoffman in a long, long time. She is gay. But thank you Dean and Jon for making Warped Tour so special to me and helping my year better and for making me enjoy people again. Everyone, let's hang out. Min is a good person right now. I am loving things. Ace Enders would be proud. Love is back, at least in my life.

Everyone should love. Warped tour is my platform.

Fakie Bakie

As I promised my self in my previous blog, when I think of something I want to blog about, I'm going to do it matter how short the blog might turn out. Well, here I am again.

PS. my last blog title is an Arnie quote. (Austrian Death Machine! RAR! Haha!)

After Warped Tour yesterday, Dean, Jon, and I went to Taco Bell to get some grub. Afterwards we watched Sports Center and hung out with Dean before he had to leave. Then Jon and I watched Predator on TBS and some ghetto show on MTV. I think everyone should watch Predator and learn Arnie lines from that movie 'cause that movie is pure genius. I think a young Arnie would have made a good Solid Snake. Watching Arnie crawl through leaves and seeing him covered in mud made me think of snake. Stupid ass TBS edited so much content though. I mean c'mon, it's 12:00 a.m, give me a little something.

Jon and I become a fan of those poorly scripted dating shows on MTV last night. If anyone knows the name of the show where a guy goes out with 3 Moms and chooses a daughter on how much he likes the Mom please let me know the name. That show is amazingly bad/good.

Warped Tour blog later, I promise.

C'mon, Kill Me, I'm Right Here

Warped Tour 2008 blog coming a littler later, don't you huffking worry. For now, know it was amazing and my neck is sore as huffk.

I always want to blog about random things but I don't want to make 2 sentence blogs cause that seems like a waste of a blog. I think from now on I will though because I always forget what I want to talk about.

I've been having a lot of dreams lately. I don't remember the dreams to well but I remember having them and some major events. I had one dream about snakes. In the dream I went over to this person's house (Completely random person, but she was very nice) and we were sitting on a couch in her living room. The living room was very plain with a couch, a cupboard, and a table. The couch looked toward the window and we sat on her very plain, ugly couch. The couch reminded me of something you would sit at a old retirement home or old hospital. It was made of two ass cousins, two back cousins made of itchy material, had wooden arm rests and thin wooden legs. She offered me something to drink and I kindly accepted so I watched her walk into the kitchen. The window bored me (There was nothing happening but a lawn and a tree line not to far) so I looked around for something to catch my interest but the living room was so plain. I decided to look under the couch and to my surprise sat a large snake. Of course I jump off the couch for I didn't want it to attack my hanging legs. I call my friend back into the room and she hands me a long stick to poke it out. So I motivate the snake out from under the couch and I grab it's neck like I learned from watching so many nature shows. I guess when you grab a snake by it's neck, it can't really do anything to harm you. Well, not this snake. This snake is able to snap it's neck or something because the head does this 180 degree magic trick and inserts it's sharp fangs into my hand. I don't feel much pain but don't enjoy the sight of my blood oozing out. That's all I remember of that dream.

I had a zombie dream. Again, I don't remember much of it. I remember this dream seemed to always be set at night. I can't remember seeing anyone I know in real life except for me. I remember walking down this narrow alley, a brick building to my left about 2 stories and a tall fence to my right. Lots of tin trash cans and cardboard boxes. Typical dirty inner city zombie setting. I saw a couple of people before I entered the alley with torn, dirty clothes on looking for a safe place to rest. A sister and little brother if I am remembering correctly. As I enter the alley I can't see the end of it, looks just like a black tunnel. As I walk through zombies start to fly out toward me naturally. I am equipped with a shotgun and the zombies are sporadic enough where I am able to pump and unload rounds into their faces without much stress. Their numbers advantage is eliminated since we are working in a narrow alley. I think to myself while I am ripping zombies, if I hadn't chosen to walk down this alley, those siblings behind me wouldn't have made it past this night and I feel good that I chose this random alley. At the same time I think, because I am going down this alley there must be other alleys that are vacant that need to be defended. You can't protect everyone even if you want to.

I remember nothing about this last dream I am going to write about except for a person that was in it. I had a friend named Alexa in high school and junior high. We weren't close friends or anything but I feel like we respected each other and considered each other good people. The weird thing is periodically she appears in my dreams out of no where. I like to think dreams happen because you have something on your mind (Lucid dreams they are called I believe). I remember having my epic zombie dream after watching Dawn of the Dead 2004 because I couldn't get over how huffking sweet zombos were and how much trust you need to put into the people around you to have the best chance of surviving. That is way I don't understand why she appears in my dreams because I don't really consciously think about her. I have seen her once since graduating high school. I really don't see any one anymore from high school. It could be anyone, but it's always her. I find this to be strange.

Ever since experiencing my first racist experience at Franklin Press I can't help but think every white person I see is looking at me as an inferior human being. Racism fucking sucks. Every time a old white couple looks at me I think they think I'm dumb or that I should die. Am I racist my self for thinking like this? I would like people to comment about this topic. I normally care less who reads these huffking things and who comments them, but I would like to talk about this topic. Why do races hate each other? This may come off poorly, but why are white people the way they are? Now, I'm not saying white people are the only racist race, but they do appear the most racist, generally. Maybe I think like that because I live in America. But I've never been attacked by a black person, a Mexican person, only whites. I've actually never been afraid of white people, and I'm still not, but I am more careful around older whites now. And I question the way whites look at me. Are they faking respect? I went to St. Cloud a couple weeks ago to visit Dawson. We went to McDonalds to get some grub and on the way out I had a strange incident. When we were leaving a couple of grandmas were coming in. The grandma reached the door before I did and pushed the door in toward me, so I moved aside so that the door would be able to move forward. After she got in I grabbed the door from her and said, "thank you," because it looked like she held it open a little longer for me. Here is the weird part, she comes storming back out and yells to me, "Well it's always age before beauty that's why I went in first!" I don't know if I heard wrong or interpreted her lecture wrong but it sounded like she was upset. I asked Dawson what he heard literally and figuratively and he felt the same way. Maybe I am less American and more Korean than I think. I was taught when someone does something nice for you, you say, "thank you," because it shows your appreciation for their act of kindness. Maybe she hates Asians? I know this paragraph makes me sound paranoid because of one experience, but trust me I'm not. I am adding a little story exaggeration to help send the message across stronger. But we can't ignore the fact that racism is still real. And it was brought to my attention quick and hard as I stated above. I've always known it was an issue and I've always been against racism, but now I want to fight this problem a little bit harder.

Talking about all this hate makes me want to listen to Ace Enders. "Bring Back Love Year 2020." It's sad that we actually have to bring love back. But I also would love to see love back by the year 2020.

I gave them the jibba-jabba treatment

Hmm...this past week I had moments where I kept thinking about stuff I should blog about. Some good material to blog about, but I always put it off and told myself I'd do it tomorrow when I have more ideas. Well, I forgot pretty much everything I meant to write about. So I am writing one now, and I don't have jack to say so I will write random thoughts.

I become part of the real world and saw Dark Knight on Sunday. It was definitely a super hero movie, but I didn't mind this one to much. For those of ya'll that don't know, I am completely sick of these super hero movies coming out every summer. But they make the money, and they will keep coming out. However, I am looking forward to one coming out in the spring I believe. It is directed by the mainest negro, Zack Snyder. Someone should make a legit zombie movie, so that means George A. Romero is out. I give the old man props for combining walking dead successfully into movies, but you suck now dude. After I saw Dark Knight I came home and watched Cloverfield. Cloverfield was alright, glad I didn't watch it in theaters, but glad I watched it. Today I watched a Korean movie called Public Enemy which was pretty good. Brutal beat downs, just the way I like 'em. I mean, if you're going to beat someone down, don't leave it up to chance, beat the fucking shit out of them. I'm talking about pounding their face on over and over and over and over again until your own hand just can't take it anymore. Anywho, I'm a raged child deep inside haha. I like the "human message" Dark Knight had. Every human being is shitty.

I like talking in medium size groups. It's fun.

Underoath just put out a new song. Sounds a lot like Define the Great Line, with a sprinkle of Chase since they put in some more electronica. I like it, but it didn't make my pants explode the way Define did when I first listened to it.

At this time, I wish I was a part of a band. A versatile band that can cover many genres. I just want to write lyrics and sing and scream lately. I can't wait for Warped Tour and Devil Wears Prada. I might just die that day. But I say that every year and I always come back intact. But I mean it this year, haha. I am also looking forward to Anberlin. That'll be the sing portion of my Warped. Warped is a little thiner this year, but hot damn, Warped is always the savior of my summer. I'm glad I have something in line for next summer. 'Cause every summer I seem to be bored and looking for ish to do and reaching out to people who are always too busy or cool for me. Next summer I will have a chance to leave everything behind and everyone behind and start all over in a place I barely know and meet new people and just be lost. I know I'm that bastard that always preaches loyalty so I probably seem like a hypocrite, but if there is no one to be loyal to, how can I be loyal? The only people I'd really be leaving behind are my family members. At this time I feel like they are really the only ones who give a shit about me. Prior to 2 years ago, I could make friends and I can honestly say I felt like they were family. I held them equal to family, I mean how many people can honestly say that? But I can't say I have that feeling now. I don't really have any friends that I hold that highly, friends are just friends. They are people who use each other for entertainment. I wouldn't work for them, I wouldn't feel pain for them, I wouldn't die for them. Selfish? Maybe? True? Maybe. I don't really know. The world is fucked up and people shouldn't me or these fucking blogs seriously. I'm a joke, you're a joke, this is all a joke. Hey, this could all blend into lyrics of a song? Screamo band anyone? haha.
I suck a writing music. I can sing a little and scream a little, but I suck at instruments. I just like creating and expressing. (Express these nuts) (What?)

Uhh...I'm going to the Mall of America tomorrow with Peter. It should be baller. I'm going to get my hair cut and my dick wet. No not really. I like my hair right now. I'll probably get a new cut at the end of August.

I haven't been able to play basketball for a week cause my toe has been fucked up. I try and get out every morning and shoot some hoops and run around. Again, I have no one to play with so I just play with myself. Ha, I said play with myself.

Gray It Out

How can someone be in such a bad mood so soon after such an amazing week up north? It appears my period has come early this month. I suppose I should blog about my trip a little bit. It was a very good time to say the least. Tony had us for week up north in Baudette, Minnesota. He has a nice little place up there. When we finished our 6 hour drive to get up there we unloaded and Tony showed us around. Then we taught us how to shoot his shotgun and a rifle. The shotgun was pretty much what I expected but the rifle was completely different. Very cool experience. We got to help Tony with some work and taking care of the horses. We did some filming, some cooking, and we had a few bonfires. We had some other very memorable experiences that I will never forget, one of which I will not write about because I don't know who reads these little suckers. On our last night there while we were out making little treats over a fire, we heard a bear from a near tree line. We went out to scare it away but we didn't see it. We left Friday afternoon and got home later than expected due to some unfavorable driving conditions. I am very good at goodbyes. Always have been.

The other day my Mom found a gray hair on me. 21 and already graying huh? That kind of blows. Better enjoy my youth.

So today, we didn't have much to do. I asked Dick and Jon what they wanted to do, and I got the usual response, "I don't care." So I suggested a couple of things...and hey, guess what, no response. They went off on their own and watched different animes at the same time. Cool huh? So I took a nap and waited for them to finish their animes. No biggie, I was super tired anywho. Kind of messed up my sleep pattern from the trip. We woke up super early one day to go find some deer. Then stayed up late one of the days sitting by the fire. The nap did me well. After they finished their animes, they wanted something to do, who do they turn to? Me, of course. So we played a little Starcraft, something I suggest 5 hours prior. Of course now I'm disgusted and not in the mood. I need to find some people who want to be more active and actually do shit. I need to find some new friends.

I'll probably write a more in depth blog about the trip to Tony's later. Something so I will have documented a great, great week.

El Fucking

I'm just a frustrated little boy right now. I can't pin point it down to one thing, because just a bunch of events this weekend has made me into a raged child. I am hoping blogging about it quick, listening to loud music, and sleeping it off will make it all go away. Tomorrow a little exercise, more music, and just creating some videos will help me calm down. I wish there was some exciting shit to do to get me up beat again. I wish Warped Tour was tomorrow. It's like I get depressed if I don't go to concerts for an extended period of time.

What is exciting around this place with these people? I wanted to film this weekend but of course people bail out. I just wish people would tell the fucking truth once in a while. Look, if you don't want to do something, just say you don't want to do it. I don't need to hear some fucking excuse. Want to play football? Oh, I would, but I think my dead grandma is dying. Oh, I think I picked up a shift at work. Oh, this and that. Just strait up tell me. I can handle it. Don't lead me to believe something is going to happen just so I can plan the whole thing out and so you can back out 2 minutes after I get everyone together. Football is just an example...and not a good one. I can kind of understand why people don't really want to play football with me. I'm just too fucking intense for people to handle. But I don't think I'm this intense about everything I do. Yes, I like to do things organized, I like to do things right, and I like to do things with passion. So what? Fuck off. Maybe I am a shitty dude, maybe I'm not. I feel misunderstood sometimes. By everyone sometimes. I honestly feel totally alone sometimes. I feel no one understands my philosophy. Maybe the way I think is just total bull shit? How could I be rejected over and over again? I get really confused because I'm just playing by the standards this world has made. I'm just rambling now. I think I talked about this in my previous blog. Sorry for repeating so many issues...I guess it's something that just sticks with me. I wish I just had one best friend, that totally understands me that I can talk to about anything and is just as considerate as I try to be. Is that what ones wife/husband is suppose to be? Something that I can put all my blind faith into and come out on the other end a happy person? I'd like to bond, but I feel sometimes people just don't understand me. What am I? Where am I? Why am I like this? What made me like this? Why can't I just be normal. I'm 21 years old and I currently feel like I just don't have a grip on anything. I have no fucking job. I really don't have any friends. A few. I really feel lucky to have a brother like Dick, a mother like my Mom, and a friend like Jon. But there are barriers even there. Maybe I'm just an impossible person. How can I completely change the person I am? I feel like I am a pretty flexible person. Am I really just that fucking boring? It seems like people just don't really like to be around me. I try to plan stuff to do when I get people gathered, but it never seems to work out. I'd like to go out and have fun. I'd like to be always doing sweet shit. When I suggest things, people brush them off. Look, I'm not going to force anyone to do anything. When I ask others to suggest shit, they don't have anything.

Again, why do I feel these things? Why do I write these things and post them as blogs? I like to document my thoughts once in a while and I like to vent. But sometimes I actually thing I am reaching out for attention. I'm really critical on myself like that sometimes. But hey, I don't know if it's true or false, but at least I can admit I'm a piece of shit sometimes.

This Friday we got to act 4, I believe, in Metal Gear Solid 4. All tight so far. I read that since MGS4 came out, PS3 sales have gone up 700%. Pretty crazy huh? Saturday we were suppose to film, I thought I had all the pieces together, but of course something more important then me comes up. Had to throw that out. Planned basketball instead, but hey, more important shit came up again. Sunday, new movie plans, oh wait, I'm still not worth the time. And I learned some people just don't appreciate me. Hey, I get it. I also understand that people have shit to do and people have lives that don't revolve around me. But when you say that you are there, c'mon, keep your promise. I don't know what to believe any more. People don't believe what I say or give me credit for the things I've done...and when I give trust to others, they just break it. Where am I suppose to go from here? People don't trust me, I try trusting but it all ends fucked up. I did have some good moments too this weekend. I hung out with an old pal who I haven't seen for a bunch of months I think. Always good to see old pals. Even if I didn't have much to do.

Who knows.

I'll probably feel better tomorrow. I just don't want to be in this awful funk anymore. I don't want to waste my summer any more. I keep telling myself I need to do shit to feel good. But when you're in a funk, you just don't want to do shit. It's like an awful circle of shit, and some how you just need to grab your self and break free.

I need something to change my fortunes.
Really, I'm not as crazy as this blog makes me appear. I'm a pretty normal dude. I just get passionate about things, I look to deep into things. Good qualities in ways, but it can get me into trouble. It's just the dude I am. If that means I have to live alone, what can I do. I do enjoy people though.

Passion

Looks like I will have to wait for my first NBA championship, but I am sure come Tuesday I will finally be an NBA champ.

God, lately I have been so passionate about things and kind of emotional. It's like the old Min that was so much fun to be. Like right now, I have nothing to do since Leah is on the computer that I edit my videos on but I can't go to bed because I have to much anxiety from the Celtics game. I've been trying to play a lot more basketball lately and even when I'm playing I feel like I want to be the best and I am much more passionate than I have been. I've worked very hard to suppress my passion for things because sometimes I feel like I get to caught up in things and it offends other people. but lately just everything gets me jacked up. I feel like a female on her period. Maybe I've just found my old drive again. I remember when failure wasn't an option for me. Losing was a disgrace to myself and the people around me. I mean, I always have that philosophy, but I've been more forgiving these last few years. I'm kind of glad that I have a little more killer instinct. I think it's a good time for me to have it. Also, I am glad I played basketball with E-rob today. He is a lot of fun to play with since he does play with a little more emotion than my usual company. I hope to play with him more often. I just can't sit around and do nothing as of late. I need to be production, doing stuff, and competing. If that makes me a jackass, well, that's just who I am. I get made fun of sometimes for being to passionate when it comes to Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I say why not! Could this be the reason there isn't anyone that can take me down at that game? Yes, I know it's just a video game, but if I have this mentality for everything, isn't it good? What if I work hard at being the best son, brother, student, Brawl player, basketball player, whatever! Look, I know I am not playing basketball at a world class level...if I were I'd be playing in the NBA. I'm not stupid, I know I'm not that good. But I still don't see why I can't be passionate and try my best. No one is gifted with everything, so does that mean we shouldn't try at the things that we aren't that good at? This is some peoples philosophy, but it ain't mine. So yes, fuck everyone and kiss my ass. I am better than you. I've been saying that to myself a lot lately...not because I believe it completely, but sometimes I am way to modest and I sometimes get the short end because of it. I am trying to teach myself to be more cut throat. So yes, I will fuck you up. That is what I'm telling myself.

I've been getting some worries comments on my last blog. Let me try and clarify some things. Yes, the story is real. Yes, it's a little sensitive and J.W's quote isn't as direct as it could be. But you needed to be there, the context really pushes it over the top. Yes Jon and I talked about it a little. Jon told me he wouldn't be surprised if his grandpa was a racist. We both know he is a little old, he grew up in a difference culture. No, I am not looking to get FPI into trouble. Why the hell would I do that? People still must not know me. I am unconditionally loyal and loving. I hold family above everything and I try to do the same with friends (even though sometimes I feel like I am the only one giving in that department). Sometimes I say some real shit and it catches people off balance. This is probably why people tell so many white lies. Cause people now'a days just can't handle real shit any more. I'm a complicated person, I am real, but I love to joke. I am really strict about stuff, but I am totally passive. I'm kind of a paradox. I always try to be humble, but I know I need to be confident and a lot of times I tell myself I am better than others. You just kind of have to learn me. Sometimes I feel totally alone. Sometimes I feel like I'm too complicated for anyone to understand. Maybe I'm just too inconsistent. Too crazy, too stupid. Maybe too organized, too smart.

I like the things in life that can't be seen or measured. Only sensed. I think I have a greater sense on these things. It's hard to explain since I can't quantify it and that's how people base things. On facts, evidence, and numbers. I think there is more out there than that. I often ask people can you just see, or can you just feel, and they think I am way off. This is when I feel alone sometimes. I can look into someones eyes and sense things others can't. The other day we met a group of guys at the basketball courts and I was a captain and I needed to draft a team. I didn't draft on raw talent or what people said. I drafted on what I felt, their personalities and things that couldn't be measured. My team would go on to win more games than the other.

I'm being way to cocky tonight. Someone slap some sense into me. Actually no, I'd probably get mad.

Franklin Press Inc.

Before I get to the title of my blog I got to mention a few other things. First thing being the Boston Celtics! LET'S GO! I am upstairs right now watching game 4 and what a joke the first quarter was. The 2nd half just started and I'm calling it now, Boston is going to win tonight. (I'll just delete this part later). But for real, it's going to be so amazing when the Celtics win the championship.

Today I did a lot video editing and learning how to create some cool effects until Tony and Jon came over. (Oh no! Perkins just got hurt!) When they came over, we basically sat around and didn't do much. Kind of sad really.

Anywho, now time for what I really wanted to write about. I had the day off today and as far as I know, I have the rest of the summer off from Franklin Press until they get a bulk of work. I'm really glad they let me work there for a couple of weeks. Seriously, I do appreciate it. However, earlier this week I had the worst day at Franklin Press ever. Along with that, possibly the first time my race was used against me because some racist thought Asians were inferior to whites. I never really thought that my race would ever be used against me, but 21 years of luck finally ran out. So, who played the race card? Well, it was Jon's Grandpa who is referred to as J.W at Franklin Press Inc (FPI). Maybe J.W was just having a rough day that day, but he just had a string of offensive comments and acts. The first one happened early during they day. We were all working in a little crowded room and Jon asked me to movie a pallet for him and of course I told him I would. He wanted me to move a pallet on the side of the room. J.W asks me why I was moving that pallet and I told him Jon wanted me to. J.W goes over to Jon and asks him why that pallet needed to be moved. Jon explained to him why but J.W tells him he has a more efficient way of completing Jon's task. So J.W tells me to move another pallet in the middle of the room surrounded by other pallets. No biggie, if it truly is a better way of doing things, it has to be done. The pallet was in a difficult position to move already, and it doesn't help that I'm inexperienced with the pallet jack. So I lift the pallet and I try to pull it out, but my pallet hits another and I get caught. I push it back and in the middle of my adjustment I feel a hand on my shoulder so I turn around to see J.W. He opens his old face and says to me, "Damn Mihm, you suck!" (Mihm, because the ass-hole still hasn't learned my name). So he takes the jack away from me and lifts the pallet. As he begins to pull the pallet out, the corner of the pallet he is mocing gets caught at the same spot my attempt did. Well, of course I wasn't going to help him so I just sat back and watched him make the same blunder I did. Superiority complex? Maybe. Usually J.W just sits back and doesn't do anything except make fun of people. Doesn't do any work really. Whatever, let the old man have his glory. Let me set up the next story. So remember how Jon told me to move the pallet on the side? He needed to get to a couple of pallets in the middle of a bunch of pallets. Jon found a way where he could 2 pallets and get to what he needed. Not a bad method since there was also an assembly line we needed to work around. However, J.W told Jon he knows a better way where he only needs to move one pallet to get to Jon's objective. However, we needed to stop the assembly line. Either way, Jon submits and agrees to do it the way J.W wanted. After J.W moved the pallet I tried to move, he realized he needed to move another pallet. So while Jon's way would have moved two pallets and not stopped the assembly line, J.W's more self proclaimed efficient method needed two pallets and a stop in the line. J.W fails again. (Boston just won!) Fast forward and skip some other shit J.W did (Ya, I'm lazy). He is the big one that really offended me. There were a bunch of temps working with us that day. Most of the temps happen to be Asain, Vietnamese to be specific. Anywho, a couple of temps and I were assigned to label boxes and stack them. While I was stacking them, I needed to reposition a couple of boxes but it was hard to do it by myself because the stack was too high. I was physically unable to reposition them. PHYSICALLY. So Jon, who is taller than I am, is walking by so I ask him to help me out really quick. Jon lifts one of the boxes and I move the one I need into place. As we are doing this J.W walks by and says, "Can't figure out the jigsaw puzzle with your brains huh?" Jon replies," No grandpa, I was never good with jigsaws." J.W says, "Oh no, not you Jon, those people couldn't figure it out." Who exactly are THOSE PEOPLE? A bunch of Asians? Get this too, Jon told me a a story before this happened. J.W pulled Jon to the side earlier that day and told Jon that he needed to do jobs at FPI that stimulate his brain. Unfortunately, we are part of the production team. We pack boxes, stack boxes, and collate paper. Not much brain power needed. So I was physically unable to reposition the box, and therefore I am too stupid to do more sophisticated jobs. Now the temps don't speak English too well, however, I have learned a little English in my day. So I was able to take offense to his comment. Luckily for J.W and I am a friend of the Franklin family so I am forced to just let that comment pass. Does anyone know how much trouble a business can get into for making racially offensive comments? I do need to pay for college...

Anywho, do let me know.

But here is my warning, if you're Asian, do not work at Franklin Press Inc. They will not respect you.

I Divorce You

Has it been a billion years? Yea, probably.

Just a bunch of random things this time around.

I am waiting for the sleeping midget, a.k.a Dean Kong, a.k.a Turbo BaBear, a.k.a Tabasco, a.k.a Deano Machno to wake up so we can go to CiCi's joint. Place is grubbing and cheap for sure. After that, Jon should be off work, then we are going film some isht maybe and then play some Brawl. We just recently started (Sunday I think?) our Brawl Names/Records/Stats and it is going to be an epic 6 years. I'm not on my Melee pace, but that's understandable since I am playing only Dean and Jon and not other players who are plain jokes when it comes to this game. Sorry to put it like that, but that's life. I bet getting my ass whooped by a better player would ground me.

Here is a cool website I saw.
http://ihatemyroommates2.blogspot.com/

I wish I would have started one of those during my tenure at Melrose. Would have helped me vent and share with everyone the crimes that were going on.

Summer has been great thus far. My summer started kind of late since I had a final in the last possible slot...ever! (Side note: I like adding, "ever," on to statements...makes it more intense. But when that "glow" wears off, it's going to suck). Real life: Ben came over that Saturday and we played hella basketball and we started a new band! I'm like totally pumped to be a part of this band. We have dreams of selling millions of albums. Sunday we did a little CiCi's and more basketball.

The rest of the week hasn't been as dense but I can't say I've been bored yet. I do things around the house and things I want to do before Jon gets off of work and Dean wakes up and come 4 or 5 they come over. Other than those two, I don't really have a bunch of friends any more. Well, Ben too, but he lives in Bloomington and with gas prices hitting about seventeen million dollars per liter the other day it would be a joke to have him come down too often. But I don't mind only having a few close friends. I've always been a follower of the, "Quality, not quantity" saying. Life kind of has this auto-filter, at least mine does, and it filters out the shitty and keeps the good. No wonder the next year is better than the last. As long as I have Dean, Jon, Dick, and Ben, I think I'll be entertained. Of course, this might change a few years down and might seem crazy now, at that time it probably won't be a shock. Oh, and I've been hanging out with Sat a lot more lately too. We weren't really good friends in high school, but some how things have worked out so that we hang out now. Which is a good thing since he is a really good dude. Anywho, time to get cleaned up, wake Dean's dumb ass up and go get our grub on.

ArtH Film Response

(Grand Illusion)

1) I didn't write a note for one specific dialougue that represented the film best but I did write a note about a sound effect that I really thought represented the film. The scene where the solidiers look out the window and watch other marching and talk about the sound. The sound of the marching swells and becomes a huge sound as they mention how much the sound bothers them and the sound continues even as the characters move back in and begin to talk. We had the advantage of subtitles but if we were only listening to the audio we might have had trouble hearing the dialougue. I thought this was meaningful because almost everything that happened in the movie seemd intentional.

2) The movie uses a lot of camera moves within a scene and usually uses a cut to jump locations or scenes. Any scene could be used but I'll just mention the scene with where they are putting on a play. When the one guy storms out and makes the announcement the camera moves around to show everyone in the room. It moves to show the side of the solidiers, the stage, and then back to a front shot of the solidiers all in one shot. A moment that I felt really showed the narrative of the film in a very symbolic manner was the clipping of the flower head.

3)I thought the movie felt very well planned out and did a good job using the Z-axis. I think the use of the Z-axis helped to make the density of solidiers more then there really was.

4) Although the movie seemed very well planned out there were a couple of hiccups. The hiccups seemed to stand out more because of the fact that everything around it was done so smoothly. The scene where the solidier and the wife that is helping them are about to kiss was cut very abrubtly. Also one of the gun scenes compared to another one didn't seem as real because the gun sound was strange and there was a lack of the muzzle flash.

5) What happened in the scene where the solidier and the wife are about to kiss? Was it because the film was damaged or was it really edited like that?

If you have time, help me please.

I am writing a paper and I could use some double checking.
I don't expect people to fully understand the context of the paper (although you might), but I just want to know if it is making any sense so far. I am not finished but just check if what I have so far makes any sense.
Thanks a bunch!

Min Lee
13 March, 2008
Writ 3361
Mary Lay Schuster

Take Home Exam Number One

They way literature and art combine so effortlessly with social movements is somewhat of a curious occurrence. One would not instinctively assume that the two would go together so well the way that the spring rains and the earth combine to create such beautiful green life. However, at the same time the strange fusion of rich and creamy peanut butter with sweet and thick jelly is a bit strange but immensely delicious. Social movements and the progression of the human race are obviously important to our adapting to new times and new challenges. However, without cohesion there is no power behind this progression. One of the best methods to bring people together is through the flexible and creative voice of art. Art is often times arbitrarily defined, but for our case let us define it as: “A medium that has the ability to tap and stimulate our emotions.” If the creator of the message can not find the key to the audience’s heart, the message is not able to find a home regardless of how power the message may be. Once the key has been found, there is no limit on the transfer of information, the opening of new ideas, and the knocking down of the walls of ignorance.
In the novel The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien, O’Brien states: “A thing may happen to be a total lie; another may not happen and be truer than the truth.” O’Brien is not promoting lying here but rather sharing his technique on how to truly and successfully deliver a message to an audience. What O’Brien is saying is that the best way to make someone understand a message is to make them feel the message. Rather than giving the audience the shell of the message, give them the soul of the message. To do this fully, sometimes an author must take a real event and spin it and reformat it and what ever he or she can to it without jeopardizing the integrity of the story, so that it sinks in deeply into the thought of the reader. Real truths are important and nice, but fake truths are sometimes more valuable in delivering the real message.
This paper will cover four pieces, three novels and one film, and show how they used art to explain social movements. The first novel is Dreamer which is a book about the African-American Civil Right movement. The novel follows a character by the name of Matthew Bishop as attempts to find his own beliefs as he helps the famous Martin Luther King Junior. The second novel is The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. The novel is set in the future where a social revolution has changed many of the cultural norms we are used to today. The Handmaid’s Tale has to do with the women’s right movement. The last two pieces both revolve around the Vietnam War. The film Born On The Fourth Of July by Oliver Stone starring Tom Cruise and The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien both follow Vietnam War veterans. Although these books cover different ideas and different movements, a similar theme runs through the books. The theme of love. The authors want us to care and want us to love the world around us. Love is important because when we strip away all the silly man made tangibles and strange man made theories and philosophies, all we have are the organic elements of the world and the connections we build with one another.

Dreamer written by Charles Johnson follows a young man named Matthew Bishop who works with Martian Luther King Junior in their struggle to find equality for African-Americans in America. Matthew Bishop along with his partner and love interest Amy is assigned to monitor a Martin Luther King look alike by the name of Chaym Smith. Chaym Smith used to be a man who lived a righteous and motivated life but due to traumatizing events in his life his foundation of strength was destroyed and he has come to Martin Luther King for help. The book follows Matthew Bishop as he juggles Chaym Smith, the Civil Rights movement, Amy, and his struggle to find his own identity. The book ends with the assignation of Dr. King.
Charles Johnson uses an interesting technique in the book where he inserts italicized segments between the narrative of Matthew Bishop to describe the Civil Rights movement and the thoughts of Martin Luther King with more impact. It allows the audience to see that even the movement took a roll on the great Martin Luther King and that even he questioned continuing the movement at times. It also helps the audience understand with greater clarity that Martin Luther King did not want only equality for the blacks but for everyone. Dr. King truly desired equality which is difficult to understand unless the point is driven in. Charles Johnson also uses another technique where he cuts in pieces of historical fact to blur the lines between history and his fictional narrative. This technique strengthens his story and makes the audience want to believe what is going on even further. (Truth vs not truth here)
The Civil Rights movement was about social equality. Dr. King believed that not one race, or social class, or gender should be superior to the next. He let everyone know that he was not looking to elevate the African-Americans above whites but rather to merge the two races into a harmonious society. Dr. King’s message and philosophy was truly about love.

Human Fate

I'm finished packing and I move back home from Melrose tomorrow. I'm really excited to go back home where I don't have to worry about keeping things in order alone, or keeping things clean alone. Home is some place team work is valued. At the same time, I feel like I am going to miss a certain part of Melrose and my time here. I don't know exactly what it is, but while I was packing I felt sorry almost. I'm no good at goodbyes, maybe that's all it was.

I keep having this reoccurring dream. Actually, I don't know if it reoccurring but there are elements with in the dream that reoccur. It has been a while since this has repeated but I do remember repeatedly seeing a toothbrush where the bristles are not fiber but rather plastic material. I know there are other reoccurring items and elements but I can't recall them at the time being. I wonder if these items hold some sort of symbolic significance? Maybe I am trying to tell or teach myself something. To look out for something.

I just watched something that really made me think. Is human fate moving in circles or is more of a path? Does it not feel like sometimes we going no where? No matter how much we advance or push forward we are always back in the same spot. Why is it that we search for strength, wisdom and greatness? When we get there won't we just want more? We go in circles. If this is the case, aren't you glad that our time here is limited. Life would be pointless. Or, is our path in life a strait line? If this is the case, we are racing time to see how far we can get before our bodies can no longer support our desires. Even if our fates were a strait path, would we want infinite time to live? There has to be an end right? When we get these what is next? Again, this debate about what life really is. What is worse: knowing that we may never reach "the end," or the possibility that we reach "the end" and there is nothing after it. Is this search for power worth it? If we don't have something to chase, what is there to search for?

You know what I hate hearing. I hate hearing peoples excuses when they turn 18. People always tell their parents, "you can't tell me what to do, I'm 18 now." Well if you want to be treated like an adult, act like an adult. Go out and pay for your own shit and support your own family. I'm glad I never used that lame ass excuse on my parents because I knew back that 18 means doesn't mean a damn thing. It is this arbitrary number that man and society picked out. What does number 18 have to do with how mentally strong you are? I know some 21 year olds that are stupider, yes, STUPIDER, than some 15 year olds I know. What the fuck does age have to do with anything? It is some number someone thought would be a good guideline to measure human beings.

What's worse: knowing that the people around you will inevitably leave you, or, fighting for a chance to keep those people?

Follow The Money

I think it's crazy how much our lives are shaped by how much money is around us. Kind of sucks huh? It's that debate about how much of our character is controlled by genes and how much is controlled by our environment. I guess money would fall under environment, but it's a big piece of the pie.

I've been reading a lot lately partly because I have to for my literature course but at the same time, I don't really mind it lately. I used to be a hater when it came to reading large amounts of pages in a short amount of time. The last novel I read was The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. There were a couple of things in the book along with other things that I've encountered in my life that made me think a little. One of the things I thought about was life and death. Some say that we only start the grasp the meaning of life when we stare death in it's eyes. We we can smell it's breath. They say everything becomes so obviously clear. Well what if a 9 year old child is faced with death, do they see the same things as a 90 year old facing death? Maybe their perception of life is even clearer than the 90 year olds who has had his or her vision altered by man made ideas and by society. A child is pure, it has yet to be influenced. Do they die more human than the rest of us? What does it mean to be human?

Why do we make up fake stories? For entertainment I suppose, but still. When looked at critically, it seems kind of foolish doesn't it? Not that I'm knocking it, cause shit, I like fake stories. I like fantasies and I like thinking of "what ifs..."

How strong is the bond of friendship? Over time, I've learned not that strong. I've always said I want to marry a person who is my friend, not someone that needs a partner for the politics of having partner. But is that bond between man and woman (well at least for me, but it can me man and man and woman and woman) and stronger than friend and friend? Why is that bonds between people break? Time? Energy? I can't quite grasp it. I like to think of my self as someone who will always be there...for friend or stranger.

Why are relationships so political now? So mechanical? Why are romantic relationships about what have you done for me lately? Why is it sex fuels romantic relationships? Shouldn't it just be a part of the experience you share together because you care for each other? Why is it shameful to be single? Why would you want to have a boy friend or girl friend just for the sake of having one? Why do people ask, "is he/she right for me?" If you have to ask, shouldn't you know?

I've read a little about Martin Luther Kind Jr., Gandhi, and Jesus lately and there is one lesson they each preached that I've been trying to live by. They believe everyone is equal, even your enemies and that you shouldn't be trying to pass everyone, but to take everyone with you. It's a tough lesson but I've been trying. I always push my self to be better and better and a good way to measure that is to compare my self to my peers. I look up to people who have advanced farther than I have because it lights a fire underneath me and it makes me work harder. Sometimes it's hard to drag people along with you because they aren't willing to put in the work. That's where there is conflict. You shouldn't leave anyone behind. MLK tried to teach us how to live like this but some people were just to stubborn, lazy, ignorant. I'm no example, but we should all strive to be better and teach others to be better.

My hands are cold.

Coochie-Ki

Wow, I haven't blogged since November 7th. Haha. Normally I would feel terrible for not documenting my life regularly, but this time around I don't feel a drop of guilt. What's up with the change? I don't really know, I just don't feel guilty.

So, what have I been up too since Nov. 7th!? Well, I wish I could tell you not a lot and that my life has been ordinary, but I can't. My whole world has been changed mostly due to my visiting South Korea. I don't know what exactly changed me when I was there, nor can I pin-point one event that, but I know ever since visiting and coming back to the States, I see life and the whole world differently. It's crazy! I don't mean "it" as in the world and life, but how much two weeks of meaningful and new experience can change ones life. I can't wait to go back! Maybe someday when I have more time, I'll write about all the things that I did when I went there.

Lately I've been thinking to myself: what if I lived during the time of the Samurai? I think it'd be freaking awesome. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I think I would have made one hell of a Samurai.

School started back up last week and so far I am ahead of the game. I don't think ever in my career at the U of M have I been so caught up in my school work. It feels good, better than good. I am going to use this spare time to watch some episodes of Bleach, which I have been addicted to lately. My episode is probably done loading right now. Either my Internet here at Melrose is really slow or YouTube is struggling which could be since they just did some work on the site. But I need to stay ahead in my homework at least until next Thursday when I plan on seeing Saosin and Armor For Sleep co-headline! Should be a grand time! I've missed going to concerts...I think my last one was the Chiodos/Emery/Scary Kids Scaring Kids/Devil Wears Prada concert. Stacked? Yea, I think so.

Am I a nerd for watching anime and thinking about Samurai? Hell no!
Yahoo!