Can I Put 1 Year Of Actual Training To Use?

Nice. I finally tied up some loose ends that I left hanging in a few of my old blogs. Sucks that my blogs don't stand independent and how you have to read a bunch of them to get one idea. Oh well. Hopefully I will understand what I am talking up later in my life. Its kind of like those good weekly dramas that end when the show is at its most intense part. I remember its how I would always feel when I watched Dragon Ball Z haha. Its hard to believe that phase was 7 years ago now. 7 years ago I told everyone else to watch it and we sat in Dean's basement and drilled some DBZ episodes out. Mixed in some ping-pong and some Melee. Good times. When I think of those days I think of Culvers too. I haven't been to that place in so long. Maybe I will round the troops up and make a Culvers run. Might bring back some good memories.

Blogs have helped me focus my thoughts and vent so much. Its like having someone you can talk to and not be embarrassed to say something. You can talk about anything. Its always nice to get a little feedback from real life people too. And its much more comfortable hearing from real life people via blogs because you don't actually have to say personal stuff face to face. I think blogs have helped me become a more relaxed person. I'm the type of person that holds everything in and when it spills over I blow up. I never lash out at little things, but little things build up. So sometimes it looked liked I would spaz at the smallest things, and I guess I did, but it wasn't that simple. It was because of my hold it on personality. But with blogs, I can let go of some of the little things that bother me a little bit at a time. Why do I hold my feelings in and keep everything to myself? I'm not to sure why I do that. But the more I think about, I think its to protect the people around me. I don't want to put extra stress into their lives. Its my problem, why should they have to deal with it? Sometimes its their fault I feel stress, but again, I don't want them to feel bad so I just take it. Why don't I just reach out and ask for help? I don't fully know yet. I was asked the question on one of those chain bulletins, "What is your biggest fear?" and before I didn't know. But I think I know now, and my biggest fear is being alone. I think that is easily my biggest fear. So I think I keep myself apart from people, because I don't want them to know about my poor qualities. I don't want them to be offended by me and leave me. Maybe its because I don't want to get to attatched in fear I will be left in the end. Lots of reasons I guess. But when it all comes together, I am alone right now. I was also asked the question, "Who is someone you can be completely honest with?" and the answer was no one. I think I can tell my Mom anything, but there are language barriers that other parent child relationships don't have to fight. So it weakens our communication line. Other then my Mom, I truly don't have anyone I can tell everything to. And that is a fucking shame. My biggest fear is living alone, and yet I am living in that nightmare. One night at Applbees we brought up the question about love, and Andy said he wouldn't mind living alone. I never even thought of living alone and I don't think I could do it. How come I don't just share my feelings with everyone? What am I so scared of? I don't think I know these answers yet, but I will search. Right now, I think its mostly because I really do love people and I want to protect them. Slowly I've watched my blogs become more and more honest and real. I've grown. I thinking I am breaking out of this shell. But still, I can't share everything because I don't want to hurt peoples feelings and I don't want to mess with politics. In my last blog, there were names and things I couldn't talk about, because I know people can read these blogs. Maybe someday I can be completely honest, but not until everyone accepts me. Through out my WHOLE life, I've alway been concerned about not offending people and making other people comfortable. I've always thought about social politics before I said things. I was sooo cautious about other peoples feelings, that I completely ignored mine. I need to break out of a 20 year old habit. Blogs have started my way, but now I need to act like it in real life. I need to stop protecting other people so much, and start protecting myself a little. I've always had trouble saying that I love other people. One person who helped be break out of that sorry habit was Skye Peirce. One night in a phone converstation she said she loved me before she hung up, and for some reason I couldn't say it back. Then she came back and said, "I just said I loved you..." and only after that I forced myself to say it back. In highschool people acquaintances like Tony Seeman would always joke around and say I love you, but I couldn't joke around and say I love you back. Why?! It doesnt make us gay for loving each other as human beings. Thats not what I was scared of though. So really, what was holding me back? I don't know. Its such a serious word, and I don't feel comfortable throwing it out like that I guess. I guess I need to focus a little more attention on love and being honest with myself and others. Its something I will work on as I grow. Its going to be tough just to change it and to change it around people who are used to me being the way that I am. But if I don't want to be alone, I need to let people into my life. The best way to do that is to be honest with them, even if it means offending them from time to time, and to tell them that I really do love them. I need to wash away this nightmare. Maybe this is why Final Fantasy 8 and 7 are so appealing to me. Maybe subconsciously I role played the protagonists being me. If you have ever played the games, you know the heros internal struggles. I never thought of the parallels but they are there many. Maybe this is why I make parallels with the supporting acts and my friends (I will probably blog about this later for fun). At the end of Advent Children, Cloud says, "I'm Not Alone" and I choke up everytime. I don't even think about it, but maybe I am jealous. Maybe I don't actually like the amazing fight scenes and the CGI, maybe I am in love with the story? haha, I don't know. I got some fucked up internal defensive mechanisms that I don't agree with. (Papa Johns just dropped some pizza off, brb). Some good ass pizza. Totally lost my thought though, but it was worth it. Papa Johns Works Pizza is YUM! I'll just wrap this up quick then. I've been paying attention to my life a little more, found out I don't want to be alone anymore. I am going to be more honest and more loving. I will try to break from my style and write more honest blogs (Will be easier), and be more honest in person (Will be hard). Done. Glad that parts over.

Mitch picked me up from school on Monday and we had a good talk in the car. He brought up touchy subjects and I was cornered and had no choice but to tell him the truth. It wasn't so weird. It felt good. Maybe Mitch isn't as empty and numb minded as I thought. I've always thought he was a loyal and good friend, but I never thought he was smart (Oh god, the honesty begins). It made me feel good that I am moving in with him next year. I also think Dean is starting to understand how I view life a little better (I think he secretly tunes into my blogs) and that makes me happy that we will be all room mates next year. I had doubts, but they are both starting to wash those doubts away. I still have my doubts about Mitchel though, maybe he just had a moment. Sometimes it doesn't look like he has gears upstairs, where I know Dean thinks a little more. We will see, it should be an experience of a life time. We just need to work on Mitch's stinky ass feet! MY LORD they are bad! For people that are planning on some major melee in Jon's basement this weekend, smell his feet. BAD!

Here is something that bothered me last weekend. Andy said he passed up on smoking weed with a group of co-workers because he knew I disapproved. I played it off like I was proud of him but I wasn't. I don't want him not to smoke weed for me, I want him to do it for him. There is a long history behind all this and I don't care to write it out right now. Maybe someday I will blog about it when I have nothing to blog about (As long I have my zombie dream project, I will be blogging for a while). But I know he doesn't approve of smoking weed either, or at least he didn't. If he is against it, why do it? I remember the first time he tried it. Just a few days prior to the night he tried it, he was making fun of his sister for giving into social pressures. He was telling other peeople, "You know your little brother/sister are getting into weed. Thats bad." Then a few nights later, a group of people pressure him into trying it and he does. This comes back to my last blog about hypocrites. I hate them. So if he was trying to get people avoid the drug, and making fun of people who failed to stay clean, why is he avoiding it for me and not for himself? I don't want to get to deep into it and maybe rise some bad blood. I don't know who reads these things (I usually get 50 views per blog and 2 comments). And I don't want to damage anyones reputation. Its just confusing to me. And the night he tried it, I was close to him and he said something I will never forget. Everyone was passing it around and it came to me and I passed and then it went around to Andy and couldn't resist. After he took his drag, and everyone patted him on the back and gave him his props, he looked to me and said, "sorry." Sorry for what? Its your choice. Another friend had the exact same experience with one of his friends and his friend said the exact same thing. It bothered the hell out of my friend to. We didn't know why it bothered us, but we both knew it bothered us. I don't know. I wish I had my attention then haha. I think Jon just came over. End of blog. More later.

Apparently I can...

Can I Put 20 Years Of Imaginary Training To Use?

I am sick as fuck right now. This is what I get for having so much fun Sunday night. There needs to be balance between fun and work and I tipped the scale to far and now I am paying the price. Worth it bitch.
I noticed I use the F word plurally, Fucks. Does anyone else do that or is that just me? I haven't heard anyone else use it that way so I don't know where I picked it up. I like it though, its sexy as fucks.
I am hoping to take some good Melee notes this weekend so I can post the first offical Melee letter and second ever. If other people have some Melee input please write it out and send it to me so I can add it in. I'd like that. Maybe we will get famous someday for starting a Super Smash Bros. Melee newsletter. Haha, there are a lot of nerds out there. This is a reminder to self, but I plan to write out some old traditional rules that we made in the melee blog. Many of the traditions are not used anymore since a new wave of players have entered but I think it'd be fun to write them out. A bunch of unwritten rules and the idea behind of character claiming. I got a bunch of character questions this week and I think it would be helpful to clear that up.
Alrighty then, this is something I've wanted to blog about for a couple of weeks now but I haven't found the time to. Over this whole school year I've felt myself changing and growing (I think) as a human being. So many things have changed in my life and I've experienced so many new things and I've thought of so many new ideas and it all came at me so fast and at first. I wasn't able to focus all the energy coming at me but lately I've been able to sort everything out and it has been very beneficial. I think I've grown immensely. I've noticed my self being much more aware of everything going around me and I've been able to think more critically and spiritually about everything, but I still wasn't able to focus everything down to a fine line. A couple of a weeks ago we had a guest speaker in my Career Exploration class. Her job is to help people focus on the more spiritual and natural human elements of life. She is usually requested by business people who get burnt out because of their jobs. Those people basically become shells and they need her to instill life and a soul back into them. I've always thought this type of stuff was amazing. I'm not a fan of math and human made sciences but rather the natural ideas of life. Who really gives a fuck about a human made science when we don't even understand ourselves as human beings. This is another reason I think music is so amazing. Music moves our souls and makes us feel things (I believe this even more now after Underoath). But don't get me wrong, science has helped us all and hurt us all in many ways. I appreciate what science has done, but its just not for me to research. Lucky for the people who want to research that shit because thats where all the money is. No one gives a shit about finding out if we really have souls and why we are here. Religion has already answered that right? I'm a little to open minded to accept that right away. Anywho, I digress. Guest speaker. She had us do an quick exercise and it completely made sense to me. First she had us close our eyes and "listen" to everything around us for one minute. Before she gave us the sign, a bunch asked her what she you meant by "listen?" She would only explain by saying "Listen." She gave us the ready set go and for one minute the room was silent and we "listened." We discussed what we "heard" after the minute expired. Some people said they heard nothing, some people said they heard the heater rumbling. I heard the heater mumble and I heard my inner voice talking to myself trying to figure out what was going on. Then she told us that we were going to do it again. BUT, that this time we were to think about someone we hated or a time we were mad while listening. She gave us the ready set go and the minute began. Then we discussed what we heard. Some people told their stories about what they hated and others said they just heard the heater again. But those people who were really thinking about things they hated, did not hear the heater. Nothing special? Wrong! This is what she was looking for. She wanted to teach us about attention. Those people were paying so much attention to the things they hated, that things around them were passing unnoticed. If things pass our lives unnoticed, how do we know we are actually missing things? We are all ignorant, some more then others. Its really sad when people are ignorant about obvious social decencies. I know many people at this level. But again, I digress. Attention, what an amazing element of life we all ignore. She was able to put into words what I have been doing over this past year and expanded my vision even more. It just blew me away. She also said something about half of us don't even show up for our own lives. The quote blew me even further. So many people are narrow sighted, and thats really to bad. I've always felt that I see things differently then people but I've never been able to express it. Why? I'm not sure, maybe I was embarrassed, maybe I was scared, maybe I couldn't articulate my feelings, maybe I did it to protect the people around me (More on all this later). I just totally lost my thought. Fucks. I might have to end this section shorter then I planed. But ya, it was an amazing lesson. I was already growing and expanding my vision rapidly lately, but after that day, I took another big jump. If I can achieve a complete 360 degree range of vision on life, that would be amazing. Maybe the only way to obtain this skill is through meditation? I want to find out more about the human being. Not about the anatomy, which is also fairly interesting, but passed the guts and into the spirit and soul.
I think this vision and attention helps in all aspects of life. This is a very bad example, but Melee. Where Dean, Jon and I can see so many things blazing by in slow motion, others can't. Its weird for me to think that people have such a different range in vision. Maybe because I've always had fairly good "vision" and attention (Remember, I say everything humbly, even though it doesn't sound like it. But I need to be honest, more on this later). But even in Melee, I think I am separate from Dean and Jon. Its so hard to explain the way I feel because I just feel it and "see" it. Its to difficult to explain it someone who has less "sight" cause they just wont see it. I tried to explain it to Dean one time, and through time, I think he is finally understanding what I mean. Its nice to have someone understand you. Its nice not to be alone. Its fun to joke about.

Damn, my list of blog topics are all serious and kind of depressing. I guess its my inner "emo" coming out. I hate that word, but society understands that word and I will use it the way many people use it.
Here is a funny story that just happened to me though. This girl just tapped me on my shoulder and I turned around to say hi and she just sat there looking at me for about 5 seconds. I was like, okkkkaaaay (inside of course)...then she finally said oh, shoot, I thought you were a different person. Bitch, don't you know who I am!? I'm the mother fucking juggernaut bitch!
"Bitch, I've never seen you in my LIFE!"

Through all this attention, I've realized a quality of life that is REALLY important to me. Balance. I don't know how I am going to explain this. Again, I know what it is cause I just feel it and see it. I am not a very articulate writer. Definitely not a poet. Its hard for me to express my feelings in text. More of an intuition guy. But balance is something I really value. I hate hypocrites with all my heart and I avoid being one at all costs. But sometimes I look at my own values, and think, wow, you contradict yourself. But I've paid more attention to it now, and its not contradicting myself, its striking a fine balance. I take surveys online once in a while for fun and many times I find my self split on questions. Like for example (I dont know if its a good example) I might get a question like do you like organized settings or free settings? I like both! I like it being organized so it isn't complete chaos but I like it free because I hate being tied down. Its kind of like Donnie Darko's "Fear" and "Love" spectrum (I think those were the to sides). Oh, and I get questions like are you serious or humorous most of the time. I'm both most of the time! I take things very seriously, but humor is very important. I'm serious about humor. So I hope people don't look at me as a hypocrite, because I have my morals strait and although I might not be able to express my self sometimes, I am never being hypocritical. I think I have a very complex personality, deep and full of layers. Makes it hard to understand me sometimes. But loyalty is an important moral of mine, so it should give us plenty of time to learn about each other. I got asked the question, "What do you look for in your dream girl?" on one of them chain letters. And I didn't know how to answer it. I guess I could write out a 1,000,000 page novel explaining it out, but I'd rather not. But now I know how to explain it in a few short words. Balanced and complex. And Beautiful haha. I want her to be balanced and open minded like me. And I guess just good at living. I want her to be complex, so I can spend the rest of my days trying to figure her out. So I can spend the rest of my days falling in love with her more and more each day. I met this guy a few months ago (Bad follow up to my hopeless romantic column, haha, very bad) and he seems to have his shit together. I wish I could write out his name, but that'd just be a little to weird right now I think (more on this later). But he challenges himself and it just seems like he has a grip on things. I've only known him for a short while so I don't want to give him to much credit and be way off.
I have one more serious topic I wanted to bring up that kind of links in with all this personal shit but I have to roll soon for my Korean oral and I think I will just hold off until I get home.
So something random. I was thinking about how amazing Sunday night was and it made me think of the night we camped out for the Wii. That was really a fucking good time. Sure it was cold, and we were hungry, but it was sooo much fun. I wish I could go back to that night too. Sitting outside with my best friends goofing off and being the most charismatic group there. Bumping our music loud and singing along. Playing little football mini games. Playing 2v2 street hockey. Chatting. We waited for a long time, but it felt so quick. Just another one of those things I probably won't be forgetting for a long time.

20 years, or just 1 year?

Concert Blog: Part2

Lets recap
Snow storm so no school Thursday and Friday.
Watched Advent Children and smashed out a lot of Melee at Jon's.
Warm up concert on Saturday but was bummed out cause Meg&Dia and Jonezetta couldn't drive their little ass vans through the snow. Still a really good show.
Bayside held it down. Bands I don't like listening to always impress me live.
Anberlin was amazing. Stephen has an awesome live voice.
Watched Advent Children again with Andy and crew after some Applebees. Applebees ran out of boneless buffalo wings that night. They fucked us.

Big day Sunday.
Went to Old Country Buffet with the gang for a good ass 1 o'clock breakfast.
Went back to Jon's house and cranked out some more Melee. Still sharp as ever. Watched the Sephiroth fight to inspire me again.
Got to the Myth and waited in line. People were amused with our Geek Squad shirts. Weather got colder as the sun went down.
Got into to Myth and was amazed at how nice it was. Bathrooms are bomb too. Walked down the stairs to get to the floor. Examined the Myth. Got a mean case of the bubble belly waiting for Armor for Sleep. Pre-rush started way to early and everyone was cramped for an unnecessary 10 minutes. Armor for Sleep came on and ROCKED the whole world. Amazing set. Was confused about why people didn't take a step back during the intermission because it was very cramped. Turned out okay because I met a amazingly beautiful lass. Small talk is stupid, don't do it. She was very funny. Underoath came on and the crowds motion took her away. I was sad, but couldn't be to sad because Underoath, the greatest band ever, was playing. Rock hard. Amazing how much energy Underoath plays with. Greatest show in the world. Went through the craziest most supernatural experience in my life.

This is where I will pick up.
If you haven't seen Underoath live yet, and you are into the same music scene as I am, PLEASE go see them. PLEASE! You owe it to me, to them and to yourself. Simply the most overwhelming thing you will ever experience. It honestly felt like they played for only 15 minutes, but they must have been out there for like 40. To put out that type of energy for 40 minutes, I think they must be possessed. Every single one of them and no exceptions. I don't understand how Chris (Keyboards) can keep his focus on the keys when he is jumping around the way he does. Tim, James and Grant (Guitar, Guitar, Bass, respectively) are amazing for being able to head bang and throw their bodies and guitars around the way they do and produce the intense sound that they always do. Spencer (singer) and Aaron (drums/vocals) are in a league of their own. Spencer is able to go from one side of the stage to the other jumping around, screaming at the top of his lungs and is still able to pump out focused notes. Aaron is the most intense drummer I have ever seen and plays to the crowd so amazingly. On top of that he does a lot of the singing. I don't understand how Aaron's drum set makes it through half the set because he hits his pieces so hard. I wonder how many sticks he goes through. The way Aaron sets up explosive parts in their songs is just how I envisioned it happening. I wish I could explain everything but can't. I can't wait til Warped Tour so I can see these guys again.
Underoath crowds always make it tough to keep your footing and breath since they are moving so much. During last years Warped performance I was tempted to leave the crowd because I didn't think I would make it, but I gutted it out and I am glad I did. This time around Jon wanted to leave and I made him stay for one more song before we left. I got to watch them from the back of the venue and it was still incredible. While in the crowd I kept looking to see if I would bump into the girl again but never did. Oh well. And while in the crowd something happened to me that I could never begin to explain, even though I tried to in my last blog. I was thinking about it and maybe I was hallucinating. There is smoking in the building and maybe I inhaled something prior to Underoath that tripped me out. I don't take any type of drugs for anything so my tolerance for a foreign chemical would probably be low (More on drugs and Western medicine in a later blog). I plan on doing some research on meditation and supernatural events over my spring break. I also want to learn how to speak Japanese and play the piano. Maybe I will start those projects over spring break too. Along with music. I wish there was someone I could talk my experience over with.
During the break between Underoath and Taking Back Sunday Jon and I went to the bathroom to get a drink and ran into Nick. We walked around for a while and drank a lot of water and stepped onto the floor to get our spots for Taking Back Sunday. Oh, while leaving Underoath, Jon and I made a quick circle pit stop. This guy from the other side just drills Jon so Jon charged up and got him back. Blasted the Mo Fo. Anyways, Taking Back Sunday. We were planning on maybe staying in the middle of the crowed for TBS but that plan quickly faded. We just naturally keep progressing up and up. While we were jumping around this guy in front of my turns around and it just happened to be Dean. I was pretty much shocked because I just figured I won't be seeing anyone but Jon the whole concert. TBS played a lot of their old songs from even before the Fred era. It was pretty neat. I was disappointed that they didn't play Photograph is Proof and I thought there was a chance for New American Classic to be played. By the end of the TBS set I was elbow length away and 3 smashed rows from the fence. Its pretty amazing that you can fit the body's in such a small space. It was probably the closest I have ever been to the stage if you don't count those little Warped Tour sets. Dean and Jon got a little fatigued but they managed to stay a few rows behind me. TBS finishes but they are the headliners and of course have to play an encore set. Adam comes out with an acoustic and an harmonica and strings out some tunes then is reunited with his band. Their encore was pretty long, but no one is complaining. Overall, the best concert I have ever been to. During the TBS set these two annoying kids were trying to request a song by singing at the top of their lungs and it got very fucking annoying. All the people around us were annoyed and if Adam actually heard them, he would'a been annoyed too. They have their songs already picked out you dummies! The show ends and the crowd begins to disappear. The floor was littered with shoes (Slip ons and flats haha) and random articles of clothing (Lots of bras). Dean, Jon and I caught our breath and tied our shoes before we started to look for the others. When we finished I had to give my two bros a pat on the back because I couldn't have scripted a better ending to the greatest show ever. The original gangsters fight through and in the end are left standing together. Glad I could share the experience with those two. We head towards the back and run into the rest of the guys. Mitch got a new TBS waffle shirt which is really nice and Nick got himself an awesome Underoath Tee. Mitch and Peter are completely dry which was nice for when we go outside. This is the first time I saw those two since the pre-rush. Nick hung in there with us for most part but now had a ripped up Geek Squad shirt and was pretty wet. Dean, Jon and I barter with the bartender and managed to snag a free cup to use in the bathroom. Leave into the cold night, got to the car and changed into my dry cloths (brilliant idea I thought of after Anberlin, I will do this for the rest of my winter concert days). Got home, showered, got ready to finish some homework and sleep at Dean's place. Leah got home shortly after I did and shared her backstage stories. Her connections got her back stage so she got to chill with Armor for Sleep and a couple of TBS members. She said they were all awesome, of course she would say that though. Oh! After Taking Back Sunday finished Dean showed us how he pissed his damn pants. Taking Back Sunday was so amazing Dean pissed his pants and I don't blame him. Good work.
I wish Sunday night didn't have to end. What could possibly follow up such an amazing night? Definitely not revising a Rock paper (at least it dealt with music though). But what do you do the next couple of weekends to make them not seem so empty. At least 300 opens up this weekend and I'm thinking after I see that I will have a lot of things on my mind I will want to talk about. And of course there is always Melee, and lately I've been clicking and I was to polish that skill so I can tap into at will. So this weekend doesn't look to bad and after the weekend my spring break kicks in. I have a lot of things planed so I shouldn't be bored either. But still, it was such an amazing night and I was I could go back. Its like longing for your youth, knowing you can't ever have it again. Oh well, at least Warped Tour is coming up.
Thank you to everyone that was there for being part of such an amazing night. I don't think I will forget it any time soon. Thank you to all the bands too.

Concert Blog

I got a lot of blogging to catch up on but blogging about concert weekend comes first. I will hopefully be able to tie up all the loose ends I left from last week later this week.

I think last night I had a dream where everyone I cared about and everything that meant something to me betrayed me and left me. So it was more of a nightmare. I only remember some of it, but it doesn't matter because I am going to write about the concerts now.

Concert Weekend!
I didn't have any school Thursday or Friday because of the snow storm. So Friday started out when we went to go pick Dean up. Then we went to the thrift store, then to Cub Foods and lastly to Blockbuster to rent Advent Children so the rest of the guys could watch it. When we got home we watched Final Fantasy: Advent Children. (I will no longer be using the shift button on this keyboard cause it sucks and my fingers hurt from having to push it so fucking hard). then we put in melee and turned on some concert tunes. i was really clicking in melee and i think advent children really motivated me to play differently, but i'm not going to get into that since this is the concert blog. sat started with a little church. then i got home and we went for a quick mcd's run. jon couldn't make it to the anberlin show because he had hockey plans so we tried to get someone to take his but failed. we get to st.paul probably 30 minutes before the door opens so we sat in the car for a little while. maybe with 10 minutes left we jump in line. we get stuck at the back of the line next to this garage with crazy graffiti written in it. "god is dead" was one thing written i believe. everyone is freezing their asses off out in the cold and 10 minutes seems like forever. mitch beings to turn into this weird purple color. the line starts moving up and when we get to the door there is a note on the door that says that meg and dia and jonezetta will not be playing tonight because they couldnt get here cause of the snow. which sucked hard because i was looking forward to seeing those two acts the most. get a tour bus losers! so we get in an check the place out since non of us had been to station4 before. its pretty much a little shit hole. its just a bar with an unfinished basement attached to it. we claim our little area center stage and 10 comfortable rows back. we sit there for an hour and a half with no action. a little over that mark the sound check beings. it was very frustrating. just because two acts are missing doesn't mean that you guys cant start early and sound check. bayside was now the opener. they had a very good set. i cant really listen to their music but they were really good live. thats how it is for most bands i cant listen to. i cant listen to their record but i enjoy live shows. bayside played a longer set to make up for meg&dia and jonezetta. they played a couple of really neat acoustic songs. sound check for anberlin begins shortly after bayside leaves. during the intermission i talked to the people around and ran into a maple grove citizen that i had met before. anberlin had really cool lighting and put on an amazing show. stephen has an amazing live voice and their guitars sound really good live. anberlin also played a longer set because of the absentees. they played a radiohead cover and played some acoustic tunes of their own. i was mostly just blown away by stephens voice and i had a lot more to write about anberlin but i totally forgot everything after sundays show. it was a nice little warm up concert.

sunday was the big day. it started out with a little old country buffet around 1-ish. then we went back home and listened to concert tunes while spanking out some more melee. i watched the last battle in advent children to inspire myself again and it worked. 5 o'clock rolls around and we dip out to what looked to be the greatest show ever. we get to the myth pretty easily since nick and peter knew where it was. we slip into the middle if the long line that snaked through the parking lot. everyone gave us these weird looks because we all wore our geek squad shirts. the line moved very very slowly. we get padded down and our tickets scanned and walked into the myth. right away i was amazed at how nice it was. we all had to piss so we looked for the bathroom which was also very fucking nice. after we got all that jazz done we went on to the floor which is very nice and claimed our spots. i could feel the bubble guts starting to jump in my tummy. just seemed like armor for sleep could jump on the stage at any moment. the pre-rush started a little early so we cramped for an unnecessary 10 minutes or so. we lost peter in the pre-rush and i didn't see him for the rest of the show. armor for sleep made their entrance and an explosion of relief blew up within me. they just kept cranking out amazing tune after amazing tune. i couldn't stop from jumping around and singing at the top of my lungs. i never know how it happens, but somehow jon and i always push our way to the front. i dont even remember who was with my for armor for sleep, i just know i was with jon the whole concert. the crowd surfing began and the circle pits opened up and the crowd began to sway from left to right. the people around us were really friendly and that makes the concert 100% more enjoyable. i think i fell once or twice during armor. falling down at shows is a big fear of mine after my chemical romance at warped tour a few years ago. armor ended with "the end of a fraud." it was such an amazing set and the best opener ever. i tried to pace my self but it was armor and i couldn't hold back. i didnt feel that drained though which was good since underoath was next. usually in between bands the crowd settles and there is room to breath, but for some reason the crowd remained cramped between armor and oath. it was okay cause the people around me were awesome. for some reason at shows i just talk to everyone around and can bond with them quickly. it doesn't matter who it is. i wish i could do this everywhere and not just shows. (this African girl just sat next to me and she fucking stinks! like cheese!) i met this incredibly beautiful girl between armor and oath. i asked her if she was okay since she was smaller and then things just clicked after. she was amazingly nice and good looking. she said she was alright but that her tits her from being smashed in between guys, and then made a joke about how she doesn't understand how they hurt so bad because they are small. that makes me sound like a fucking creep, but hey she said it. and it was a funny comment but i didn't know how to react to it. if i find it to amusing, i come as a freak and if i don't show any interest i might be offensive or dull. i just gave her a giggle. it did make me happy that she told me that though because it kind of showed that was comfortable enough around me to make jokes about herself like that. we just kept on talking for a little while then underoath had to ruin it haha. but i was soooo ready for underoath to play. i wanted to ask her for her myspace (haha, how romantic, how baller of me, myspace, *embarrassing*) but underoath came out with so much energy. i was going to ask her in between songs but she disappeared into the crowd. fucking shame. so if random chick to my left between sets comes across this blog...uhh...ya, friend me. but back to underoath. i just don't even know how to describe them. i have trouble describing any of my concerts because its all feeling and there is so much going on, but its impossible to explain underoath. after sunday, they have to be my favorite band. i'm not even going to attepmt to explain it cause it would just fail and let them down. but i do want to touch on one thing that happened to me during oath. it was the most supernatural experience i ever felt. i lost control over my whole body during one of their slower, deeper, darker breakdowns. it was sooooooooooooo fucking weird. i've never felt anything like it before. my body got so tense, but i felt so comfortable. my body started to twitch by itself and i couldn't control it. i started crying and i couldn't even choke back any tears. my eyes locked on spencer and aaron. i couldnt even sing alone. it felt like and probably looked like i was about to morph into a werewolf. i felt so empty but fulfilled at the same time. i felt like i was dying but never felt so alive. it is probably something i will never feel again. the craziest thing is i didn't hear or feel the people around me. i am in a crowded venue with crazy rock fans jumping around and i didn't feel a single body. I couldnt hear anything except for oaths music. everything turned to black except the stage and jon standing in front of me. i couldn't move and I wonder if people were running into me just bouncing off of me. my feet were a part of the ground. maybe i watch to much sci-fi or something, but i know what i felt and it is something i could never begin to explain. i never really believed in meditation, spirits, ghosts, ying and yang, and stuff like that, but after this, i may do some research. i really touched me in a way i've never been touched before. it changed my life. i need to understand my body more, because what if this is something we all have inside of his but we don't know how to tap into it? i sound like a mad man and i would never believe in something like this if it didn't happen to me. i just wish i could explain it so i can talk it over with people. but even if i could, who would believe me? maybe there is a book out there that knows what i'm talking about. i have to find out what happened to me.

i'll finish up on oath and do taking back sunday next time i blog. korean class now...yay...

"Nigga Get Off Me, This My Bus Stop"

I woke up this morning and I said "Mutha fuck the Police" and I didn't go to school. I said I ain't no ones bitch...and the fact that is snowing like crazy and the fact that Joe wasn't going to school and I didn't have another ride. But still, it was mostly my decision. I woke up at 8 today, which is weird since I wake up at 8:30 on usual school days. I woke up less tired and more ready for the day which again is weird since I went to bed later too. I hit the sack around 12:15 but probably didn't go to bed til 1:30ish because I had to much stuff to think about. Its not like I am under a lot of stress or anything, but I just like thinking. I woke up at 8 and talked to Joe and then laid there for another half hour thinking. I catch myself thinking and talking to my self a lot (Attention, more about this later). I got out of bed an thought to myself, well damn, a day all to myself, I am going to get all my homework out of the way and to some chores I've been meaning to do. But no. I hopped on the computer and I've been Wikipedia'n, google'n, and just been doing all sorts of online research on random things I've been curious about. Its a little after 2 now so from 8am to 2pm I've been been basically doing Jeopardy homework. I've been reading up and looking up shit on a wide range of stuff. I looked up Ellen G. White, Seventh Day Advintists, Number of the Beast, Satan, Cloud Strife, Squall Leonhart, Tifa Lockhart, Vincent Valentine, Fanal Fanatasy 7 and 8 (to bad no one gives a fuck about 9) and Advent Children, different terms like concept albums, musical refrain and burden, I've been looking up different interpretations on songs and other things, I've been looking up movies and bands I've been meaning to check out (Can't wait for 300). The internet is such a rich source of information. I learned things about serious and spiritual topics like the the number of the beast 666 and I learned about stupid little updates like Amber Pacific having a song in the up coming TMNT movie (Also about their new CD coming up soon!). It was fun. What a waste of day and a day well spent. My Mom just gave me an Ellen G. White book to read that she had called "The Desire of Ages." I've never been much of a reader, but my my thirst for random and important knowledge is at an all time high. We will see how deeply I can dig into the book. Oh, and for those of you in the circle, I just called Dean to tell him that I got off the phone with Adam and Fred to tell him TBS just called the show haha. And another random update, U of M just cancelled all their classes haha. The Osseo school district doesn't call school off but the U of M does. What the fuck is that? Let the youth enjoy thier days. Everyone bitches about how they miss their innocent youth when they get older, well maybe we should give the kids more opportunities. Ya feel me? I thought you might.

My Mom is cooking something up stairs and from a distance it kind of smells like piss.

That reminds me, I have to bring something about stink. The other day just did it for me, I was thinking my observations over the past might just have been coincidence but I just don't care any more. We look at black people and think big lips and gangsters, Mexicans as dirty and poor and we give Asians small eyes. Here is another stereotype you can add to your list. Chinese people have stinky breath! Now I don't know if these people I were talking to were Chinese but they had the names (Li, Fangs, etc). They could have been laos, or all those other Chinese cultures, but their breath was stank. My old math teacher last semester, chinese and stink. My Math T.A, Chinese and stink. The group of chinese helpers I had yesterday, stink. And I don't even know how I got paired up with that group. There was a table full of whites and one Chinese section and that spot just happened to open up when I was the next in line. I ask the lady, who was very nice, "how are you?" And she replies, "gHOod, THank YOu. HOw are YOu TOdAY?" Please don't asperate any more, I'm dying. Oh well.

I usually blog about my weekend on Tuesdays since I don't actually time on the weekends, but this Tuesday I ran out of time and couldn't. So I am going to finish it now. Oh, "Inevitable" by Anberlin just came on. This song rocks! I think I finshed Fri and Sat. Sunday...hmm...seems like it was such a long time ago, but short at the same time. (Balance, more on that later). I woke up pretty late and sore as fuck. I think I laid in bed for an extra hour or something just because I didn't want to move. I had to inch my way out of bed, it was horrible. But I eventually rolled out. I had homework in mind since I had a exam on Tuesday, Wed and a quiz and paper due Friday. Before I started on my homework, I decided to watch Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children and it was fucking amazing! I thought I'd watch it since I am a fan of the Final Fantasy games, Dick said it was good and it was due back soon. I didn't expect much from it, but it blew me away. The story and characters and CG texture and how artfully the movie is done is incredible. The story has so much depth to it. It would take me a while to discribe everything but it just has so many elements in it that I believe in. The characters all have their own rich personalities. I love the story and characters cause I can apply them to my life, I mean, I'm not going around jumping off buildings and shit, but there are parallels. The computer graphics are amazing. If I could create something that visually stunning with a computer my life would be set. The heavy Japanese anime feel is awesome to. The time and gravity manipulation, most of people in our generation would understand as bullet time or "The Matrix." The transitions in the movie are crafted so artfully. Its just fucking awesome. Its the perfect appetizer to 300 which comes out soon. If 300 lives up to its name, and is actually what it appears to be, its going to be, to me, everything a movie could ever stand for.

Spring break is coming up and here is a list of video games and movies I need to kill.

Video Games:
1) Final Fantasy 7
2) Final Fantasy 8
3) Kingdom Hearts
4) Kingdom Hearts 2
5) Dirge of Cerberus

Movies:
1) Butterfly Effect
2) Sin City
3) Crash
4) 300
5) Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children
There are more, but I forgot.

So I started writing this blog at 2 and now it is 5, but I haven't been writing this whole time, that would some serious writers cramp. I went outside to shovel the snow, which now seems pointless cause everyones driveway is covered again, but I don't look at it that way and it was good exercise. I went out to help my Dad do our driveway, and then I thought about going over to my neighbors and doing hers. She is this old lady that I have never talked to my 7 years living in Plymouth. I thought it would be really nice to do something like that for her. Her husband of like 50 some years passed away not to long ago. I never properly got to meet him and I think I talked to him at the most 2 times. On top of that, I've been reading a lot about philanthropy lately. Jane Addams and Andrew Carnagie are the top two figures that stick out in my head. And on top of that, in my career exploration class I learned that we grow most as people when we take risks. We learned that most of the time when people take simple risks, things never turn out bad. After I got done with my driveway I stood in my driveway thinking if I should do it or not. The snow was beating down on me and I just sat there, fighting with my own voice. I mean I've had plenty of chances to introduce myself, but I never did. And for some reason for me, introductions get more awkward as time passes. Then I just said fuck it, and I walked over to her house, take a risk, be bold. I walked up to her door girl scout style and I asked her if it would be okay if I shoveled her driveway for her. She told me that I really didn't have, but I told her that I wanted to. So she told me just to do the walk way and I agreed. I finished the walk way then I thought it would be nice if she had a path to walk in to get to her mailbox. So I carved a path from her door to the mailbox. She came out as I was about to finish and gave me some money. I tried to refuse to money as hard as I could, but she kept forcing the money into my jacket pocket and told me that I am a college student and that I needed it. Warmed my heart. Before she went in and asked for my name and I told her it was Min and she told me her name was Mary. It was just like a scene from a sappy movie scene. I always hear people talking about, wouldn't it be nice to live like the movies, well it isn't impossible. I am trying to take a new approach my life, and so far I like it (Attention, again, more on that later). While I was shoveling Mary's driveway , my other neighbor Brian was shoveling his. We weren't that far from each other so we chatted while doing our work negro slave style. Brian doesn't have a snow blower so I thought I would help him. And I did. So in total I did 3 driveways. Ahh, fuck you Jane Addams and Andrew Carnegie.

Damn, I was going to use this day to do homework and chores, but all I've done is read up on random things of interests, and clean snow for 3 hours. I may need to cut this blog short so I can write my Rock History paper. I had a list of topics I wanted to touch on too, like all those "I will get to it later" deals. Oh well. I'll save it for tommorrow while I wait for the bus.

The concerts! This snow better not fuck up with is suppose to be my greatest weekend ever. Damn you Meg and Dia for calling Mitch to tell him that you guys weren't coming! I know I've bloged about the concerts in the past, but I am so pumped that I am going to do it again. But really, its not my fault I've bloged about before, I mean I've had tickets to this Underoath concert since Nov! Thats almost a half year ago! so blow me. Sat: Anberlin, Bayside, Meg and Dia, Jonezetta at Station4. Should be sweet! Not as sweet as the Sun concert but a perfect appetizer. That new Anberlin joint sounds pretty sweet from what I've gathered. They have that really sweet song that I was listening to before. Bayside...well, ehh...I don't like them much. I will catch my breath during their set. My Meg and Dia hysteria has calmed down, but I am still really excited to see them. It sounds like they put on a good show and sounds like they have good stage presence and converstations. I just got into Jonezetta lately and I am excited to see them live. Their music is really easy to dance to so I will be acting a damn fool when they open. Sun: Taking Back Sunday, Underoath, Armor for Sleep. The GREATEST concert I have ever seen, or heard of I guess. I just can't even describe this concert and how excited I am. Its like knowing that I am going to be given the world on Sunday and now I just need to wait til Sunday. Its like knowing Jessica Alba is in my bed naked and just waiting for me to get home. Its like knowing the Kool Aid man is on the other side of the wall! I just get the bubble belly thinking about it. I've been texting my Seneses Fail friend about the up coming show lately and he sounds as pumped as I am. My Senses Fail buddy is this guy I met at the Senses Fail show, duh. Its weird to think about how I stayed in contact with this guy and I don't even know his name, and I talked to him for about 10 minutes 6 months ago. Kinda cool actually.

One more topic before I go start my rock paper (starting a paper is the hardest thing, and picking a title). Hockey. I only started paying attention to hockey in high school since I was around hockey a lot. And over those few years I tried to get into hockey. I tried to enjoy hockey but couldn't. It wasn't appealing to me, but I always respected it, or tried to, but hockey people made it hard. When we would have sports talks at lunch, a couple of times we talked about what sport is the hardest. Some would say golf and people would be like yeah, but hockey players would never admit anything was harder then hockey. A couple of times we talked about what sport requires the most energy. Everyone agreed it wasn't baseball, c'mon...but baskeball players gave football props and football players gave soccer players props and soccer players basketball players props and some people will give hockey props, but hockey players, only gave hockey props. Its frustrating to put up with such self centered stubborn people. Hockey players all act tough, but they are big softies. Why do hockey players fight? Because they have to prove to them selves that they are tough. Why don't football players fight? Football is much more physical then hockey, but there aren't as many fights. I tried my damn hardest to like hockey and respect hockey, but the people that represent hockey are dicks. Stupid suburban white boys who need to show off and get attention. I can offically say I hate hockey. I am on your ship Dean. The other week we played a little backyard football and well guess what, it was only the hockey players that got hurt. Not a little basketball player like Dean, not a skinny white boy like Andy, but the big "tough" hockey players. And I saw some of their injuries, it was nothing. The worst injury happened to Dean when his leg got bent in a way it shouldn't, but you know what, he got up after a minute and walked it off. This is even after he took substantial blows to the head. I don't mind when people get hit and they need a second to gather themselves, thats okay, its rough out there, but when you play hockey, a "tough" sport, and you get hurt on every other play in a friendly backyard football game!? That says something about hockey. I stick my fucking head in on ever play. I put my head down and get dirty. I rolled my ankle probably 3 times playing in that uneven snow. I got elbowed in the jaw. I tweaked knees and shoulders. I dive for balls and I've never seen a hockey player do that. Oh right, they aren't athletic and/or coordinated enough to do something like that. But never did I get up bitching about my injuries. I keep that shit to my self. Why? because I don't want to other team to know I'm hurting. I like to know that they are bleeding and knowing I'm untouchable. Why don't I share my injuries? Because I don't need peoples pity and attention. I am there to win a game, not to let people know I'm there and to get their attention. I don't need that. That is very suburban. Needy. And this isn't just the people I play backyard football with, its been every hockey player. All soft pussies. They look good on the ice, sure, but they are playing with other pussies. They need to act macho to cover up the pussiness. You know what other sport reminds me of hockey? Lacrosse. Now lacrosse isn't as bad as hockey, yet, because it isn't as big, but they probably will pass hockey soon since those brainless brutes don't even know how to keep the sport alive. But I've noticed a lot of hockey players getting into lacrosse and the lacrosse vibe is the same as hockey. And I can tell you from experience, lacrosse playrs are soft. I played two games, and people I knew told me I had the biggest lacrosse hit they have ever seen. And when I was out there, I could just feel how soft those guys were. Sure it was winter box lacrosse league and all those guys probably suck, but I still killed them. It would be the same if I went out on a junior gold game and killed people. Ross Petterson, a football player, went out and killed everyone too. But, Osseo did have a couple of kids playing for their team who were regarded as top 10 players on the state. So maybe it wasn't junior gold lacrosse game. Anywho, I am going to end this ass beating and start my paper. Minnesota the state of hockey? Sucks for us. Learn how to run a damn league fags.

I did catch a part of the Wild game on Sunday though. Watching Jon and Nick play and then watching them play was so different. I didn't know people could cut on ice like they do. When I watch my friends, everything is so rounded off when it comes to movement, but the pro players moved like they were on groud. And they were so fast and aggressive. Their passes so quick and accurate. It was crazy. There is this guy for the Wild, Boogaard his name might be. I like him. Is he actually good? I have no idea. I think its kind of cool that I taught myself hockey. Basketball and Football was learned with help from others.

Anywho, paper, time! ahh!

A Quickie

Sucks for From First to Last fans. That band has taken so many hits over the last few days and over the last few months. Sonny just quit to pursue his solo career and they also got dropped off their label (Guess Saosin made the right choice, tee hee!). A couple of months ago they were dropped from the Atreyu tour because of Sonny just having surgery and now they are in a financial bind. The music business seems to appealing, yet so scary.

Here is something I've been thinking about lately. If you are modest, or humble and you tell other people you are humble or modest, does that make you less modest or humble? I've always looked at my self and tried to present my self as a modest person (I already feel less modest just saying that) but I've always felt guilty for saying that about myself. Is that wrong? Do you guys look at someone differently when they say they are modest? I think modesty is quality that is earned through actions over time. But if someone asks you are you modest? How can you answer that if you really are? If you say No, they will think you aren't, and if you say yes, then you aren't. Being modest is kind of a lose lose situation. Do nice guys finish last? I think so. I envy people who are in your face and obnoxious but I hate them at the same time. I think I used to be more modest and humble when I was younger, and I thought about why that is last night while I lay in my bed (I think a shit load before I fall asleep and it keeps me up forever. Its where I get most of my blog ideas). I think in my younger days I was around people who appreciated modesty and that made it easier to stay modest. My Minneapolis friends acknowledged peoples strengths, they gave props where props were due. There was no need to brag, because the people you were close to spoke for you and you did the same for them. My old friends and I were all modest because we appreciated each others skills and we expressed that. My suburban experience is completely different. Suburban people are jealous and they deny that you are better then them. They don't give you any credit when you have clearly earned it and this causes a lot of tension. Not only that, they are quick to steal credit from other people. I had a suburban friend that would always steal my credit in public places. He would ask people, "Do you like my idea?" or "Member when I came up with...?" When clearly he was pawning off ideas I had brought up in our conversations. It bothered me, but whatever, nothing I couldn't ignore. But he was so intent on receiving praise. Modesty was definitely not a strong point for this guy. When you are around these type of people, it wears on you. I've been around these people 7 years now and I can see how I've changed. I am more flashy when I do things and I think I do seek more attention. I am more vocal, this I don't mind. I miss the old days because I think being humble is such an important part in being a good person. I miss childhood and my old friends. They knew how to separate the good from the bad. Its just the life I am forced to live now, and I can accept that, but sometimes you miss the good old days.

Here is a follow up to my little football outbust last blog. The other team had a goal line play and Dean rushed in to try and sack Mitch. Dean wrapped him up but couldn't take him down. Mitch does his best Kevin Dyson and stretches for the endzone and I knocked the ball out of his hand right before the ball passes the line. It was a close call but no one could tell for sure because of the snow. Mitch gets up and yells, "I was in!" and I asked other people for their opinion. After I ran the ball back for a touchdown, just to be safe, I asked Mitch and the others what they saw. I told everyone, "I couldn't see if the ball passed the line or was on the line." Mitch responded with, "well if the ball is on the line, thats a touchdown." Which is technically true. But why the FUCK would I offer the same answer twice?!!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!? Sure I could have been more percise and artitculate with my words, but can't people just infer and think for them selves?!?!?! And sure he could have just been informing me, but if you where there and listened to the condescending tone of his voice, thats not what he was doing. Why the fuck would I ask an A and B question where A and B are the same?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!? I just don't get it. I hate when he does that too. He does it every weekend I just choke on my spit everytime he does it. That feeling of wanting to kill myself when I lose at something comes back with a different twist. I want to stab him in his forehead and then cut my self open from head to toe when ever he gets technical. Of course I would do it with a different knife cause I don't want to get infected from his nastiness. God damn that ticks me off, and lately I've noticed other people doing it. He is rubbing off on people. Pretty soon I will be surrounded by dummies.

One last thing for this quick blog. Another follow up. Last week I talked about how 70's and 80's rock sucks, and it still very much sucks. I proposed that only after the influence of rap, was music more organized. I was wrong there. In my U.S history class I was presented with 1920's jazz and blues. A lot of it was just instrumentals, but sometimes they had singing and it made sense. The lyrics and syllables fit into the music. So it is just 70's and 80's rock that fucks up on this concept. Well, in Rock History class we are learning about early rap and hip-hop. Rap is a genre where the background music doesn't mean much compared to the lyrics, so the focus is on the organization of the lyrics. While I was reading up on rap and hip-hop, I came across a word that discribed everything I was trying to get. CADENCE. 70's and 80's rock has no cadence. And that is a musical element I strongly believe in. Just makes things more tight/focused and poetic I think. But I guess cadence isn't an important factor to many people and thats to bad. Go listen to Comeback Kid and Dillinger Escape Plan then you losers. I'm not saying that all music needs to have this, some people can pull it off, but the oldies just don't do it right.

El Gordo

I am so fucking sore. Today is the first time since Saturday that I have been able to move some what like a normal person. Sunday I was pretty much rusted tin-man and yesterday I moved like a retard. Or maybe an old school zombie?! Monday should have been the easiest day ever, but it wasn't, it was hell. In my rock history class we listened to music, duh, thats what we do. Then I crawl over to my History class and we listened to more music (1920's Jazz and Blues), easy. But I was so sore that I just couldn't think or take notes. On top of that, in my history class I had to take a mean shit. Reminded me off my high school days when I needed to take shits but some teachers don't give you bathroom passes or limit you to one a trimester. I though those rules were so ridiculous. I knew if one day I had to go super bad and a teacher wouldn't let me, I was going to shit in the corner. Good thing it never resorted to that. You might ask, well you're in college, why didn't you leave and go? Well I didn't feel like packing all my shit up to leave and I don't feel comfortable leaving my shit in a room full of strangers. But football is awesome so its worth it. More on football later.

I read the other day As I Lay Dying hopped on the Warped Tour this year for a portion of the tour and I was pumped. Then I checked the dates and surprise! They aren't coming to Minnesota. Bummer. I really hope that Saosin decides to jump on soon. I would not mind one bit watching them again. I don't know if this will happen because they did the Senses Fail tour, and now they are on the Taste of Chaos tour. They might need a break.

This weekend was pretty relaxing and thats how I wanted it to be so we could get ready for the concerts coming up. Friday Peter picked us up again (Thank you), then dropped me off at my house so I could go out and eat dinner for my Mommy's birthday. After we went to Jon's last hockey game ever in White Bear Lake. Jon's team got THRASHED and THRASHED hard. The White Bear Lake team pretty much raped Jon's team in every way possible. Jon's team did get ripped off for a goal. Red scored but the refs didn't count it for some reason. One of the parents even got it on tape. Of course everyone spazzed for a second, but Mitch continued for about another 5 minutes. The only yelling at the top of his lungs. It was VERY embarrassing and I was I wasn't standing next to him. I had wished that people didn't see him in the same group I was in. I didn't want to be affiliated with him in any way. But more on this later when I write about football. Jon comes out of the locker room and looks pretty composed and I guess thats how I expected him to come out. If it were me, I'd be a total mess. My last semi-meaningful (c'mon, its junior gold) game after all these years and to go out like that. I would have collapsed on the ice after the game and pulled out a knife so I could stab myself. Jon said he let some tears out later in the car when his parents talked about the memories they made over these past years. I'm glad he cried a little. More about hockey later.

Sat started out with church and a quick exit so I could make it on time for football. Of course almost everyone was late, which I expected when I made the 3 o'clock deadline. We get to the park around 3:30 and step on the field which pretty much wasn't there because the ground was all ice. There wasn't a patch of ground. Another thing that sucked was that snow wasn't falling, but rather ice. Sharp ice. But we drew up a field, selected teams, and got the game rolling. The teams were Jon, Mitch, Nick, and Sat on one team and Dean, Andy, Red and myself on the other. The first game was rough. My team got spanked pretty bad. Andy threw a couple of interceptions and no one could stop Jon. The game ended with the score like 7-4 or something like that. Of course I was ready to hang myself, but the other team was gracious about giving me a rematch. I decided to play quarterback the second game to get some more direction with the ball and to eliminate any sort of turnovers and the eliminate their blitzing. On defense I decided to guard Jon instead of playing safety with cover two help from Andy since I felt Dean and Red were quick enough to defend their guys. It all worked. We converted more passes and got more first downs on offense. I had Dean carry the offensive load or who ever Jon wasn't guarding, but for some reason most of the time Jon wasn't guarding Dean. On defense I jammed Jon at the line at it seemed to break his momentum. I fronted up and cut off all angles between him and the quarterback (A borrowed basketball technique). I had Andy cover the top so I could focus on the dump offs. This through off their whole offense since Jon was their main threat. I had people blitz/rush Mitch when ever they could because he isn't the best pressure player or pressure anything. This caused a few interceptions which really turned the game. I think Red had a couple interceptions by himself. Mitch also had at least two fumbles. Dean swatted it out of his hand on a goal line possession and I swatted it out of his hand when he tried to stretch for a touchdown. Jon's team was able to recover the Dean slap and my slap was replayed because no one could tell if Mitch had crossed the line or not. The game ended with my team wining 7-4 or something like that. We wanted to play a short tie breaker up to 4. Jon's team started with the ball. The score was tied after 4 so the win by 2 rule was applied. In the end, my team came out on top. It was a grand time but my body has been paying the price over these last few days. After the game I lose feeling in my fingers for about a hour and I was actually pretty worried.
But there is one more major thing I want to bring up about the football game. During the first game when my team was down, there was a play where Mitch ran the ball and I tackled him after he had earned some yardage. I got up swearing and yelling. Naturally, I am a passionate player, everyone who has played with me knows this. I am all about winning. Mitch gets up and he presents me with the questions, "Why are you so fucking mad?" in a slightly aggressive tone. I was confused as FUCK. I was so confused I didn't know how to respond to it right away. I just looked at him for what seemed like forever. I was disgusted. I was shocked. Has he never played with me before? Has he learned nothing about me over our 5 years of being friends? Does he not understand my makeup? I can't even articulate on this fully cause I am still confused. Please help me understand anyone. A "jeez, clam down" might have been okay (I would have been pissed the fuck off cause no one tells me to calm down), but the question just confused me. Did he really not understand why I was fiery/burning/passionate? Mad is the wrong word. I am not mad. To say I am to serious I feel is wrong to. You can see me many times going back to the line smiling, joking around with people. Nick patted me on the back during one of the breaks and told me its okay, and I laughed with him. I am having fun. Hines Ward laughs when he plays football but he is one of the most passionate players on the field. But he is playing with people who understand sports and football, that might be the difference. I am having a good time, but I will do anything to feed my wanting to win. Mitch told me one day that he feels that he approaches sports and many of life's obstacles with the same mind set as me. He couldn't be more wrong. He always tells me he would do anything it takes to win also, so then why is it so hard to understand why I am cussing and yelling? I tried to think of answers. I thought maybe it was because I blasted him on the play (It was a pretty nice fucking hit, let me tell you) and he got up a little frustrated. But if he was frustrated he could have gotten up and yelled some angry at me. But that question! It got to me. I don't remember if I wrote my response to it yet, but I could only respond with a "When aren't I passionate?" The question just kept digging at me. Maybe people feel that I am not giving 100%. If Mitch can't see that I am giving my all, what are other people seeing? Do people think I am half assing it when I'm out there? Is my effort not up to par? I am getting a little heated just writing about this. If the question was about spazzing, it should have no come from him. I know some people will never understand my drive and will look at me like I'm crazy, thats fine. But I am not angry. But he really was asking me about why I am spazzing, I should have cut his fucking throat. This is coming from the guy who broke his hand from punching a wall because he got a little mad over something that probably wasn't a big deal. This is coming from the guy who couldn't stop yelling at the ref at Jon's last hockey game when everyone else was over it. This is the guy who got yelled at by one of our own coaches, by the coaches and parents who love us and support us all the way. That form of the question should have not come from him, maybe anyone else, but not him. Someone please give me their opinion and help me focus my thoughts. I know I am feeling a lot more things and I got a lot more say on this topic, but I don't remember what I've said so far and I don't want to repeat myself haha.

After football I went home to shower and warm up. It took me forever cause I had no feeling in my hands for a very long time. After I got some tingle back in my finger tips, I had a little sandwich and brought melee over to Jon's. We definitely killed some good Melee. Played some good Melee while listening to concert music. It was the perfect way to follow up football. A couple of things got in the way like being forced to shovel Jon's driveway and leaving early to make room for Katie's sleepover. But I have to say the biggest buzz kill was Jon and Dean tagging along with Jon's dumb little comments. I would ask questions and Jon would come up with little dumb comments that wouldn't even make sense and Dean would laugh his ass off and make Jon feel good about...well nothing. I mean it doesn't bother me if you do it once or twice, but you got to understand that you aren't making any sense at all. It stupid! Jon's pretty ignorant about these things and I've lived with that. Its a minor annoyance when it comes to some of the other things people do. I expected Dean to pick up on tension but he was pretty oblivious too. Jon's comments even got to Mitch. Mitch snapped and told Jon to shut the fuck up at one point (supporting my point above), Jon brushed it off because he thought Mitch was joking but I got the impression Mitch wasn't. Jon being Jon again. Ignorant. If Mitch would have snapped in usual Mitch fashion and maybe attacked Jon, I would have actually sided with Mitch and stomped the shit out of Jon's face in his own basement. I was pretty ticked off. I was feeling really good up to that point of the night. I just quit talking so I wouldn't have to listen to Jon anymore. When we got the boot I just wanted to go home and be left alone but everyone followed my to my house. I just said whatever and let them. Dean and Jon had to watch the Prestige or something so I got bailed out. This is the type of shit that scares me when thinking about moving in with friends. Maybe people are right, when you room with best friends, things turn sour. I am going to try and fix a little bit of that by writing honest blogs and actually speaking out loud about what is bothering me. I shouldn't worry about being "politically honest" or worrying about what the other person might think. Being honest is more important at this point. Blogs help a shit load to vent though. More on honesty, blogs, friends, and melee later.

Korean class now. Test today. Wish me luck.

Zombie Chapter 2

Everyone slowly walks out of Jon's garage and into their cars. We had around 6 cars or so and 5 families to carry. We thought out strategically which cars would help us carry the most equipment, which would give us the best defense and which would be best for gas. At Jon's kitchen table before we set out, I explained my zombie survival plan and everyone agreed to it. Our first destination would be to stop at a small gun shop and "borrow" more guns and ammunition. The roads were mostly calm but there was an unusual amount of police sirens. It appeared that most of citizens didn't think the news was serious. The drive was quick and painless. We all crawl out of our cars and males gather with what weapons we had. We had a couple of handguns but we figured the shotguns would be our representatives. The plan was secure the area and then to have more people come in and snatch the supplies we would need. The store is dark, small and and quiet. I don't think there were any customers in the store. We walk around like any browsing customer would and scan the store. The cashier, who appears to be the only person working the floor, asks if we need any help. We tell him no and continue to browse giving each other silent signals about what we wanted. Eventually a couple of us walk over the the front desk and pretend to look at the items underneath the glass, but were really there to secure the cashier. A couple of the guys pull out big bags and start loading them up. The cashier starts to look around worried angling his head over the counters so he could get a better view. He begins to walk to the back room when a couple of guys hold him up. The cashier understanding he is fucked just stands there with his hands behind his head. Someone runs out and requests a couple of more people to come in and they do with big bags. The "borrowing" process is quick. We leave some cash on the table, which isn't even close to enough, and leave slowly with eyes on the cashier. We all quickly start up our engines and get back on the highway. The roads are fairly empty and we are able to stay in our defensive formation line. We expected to be chased by some cops sooner or later but nothing. You could hear distant sirens and thats when I began to think that maybe the police and other officials had bigger fish to fry. A gun store robbery was now at the bottom of their priorities. Our next stop was North Dakota to pick up Dean and his family. No one has notified Dean yet and I begin to worry that they won't be convinced by what he has seen so far. Stealing guns and leaving everything behind is a pretty big commitment. I am in the passenger seat of Dawson's Chevy Impala and I give Dean a call. We start out with a little small talk and I ask him if he has seen the news. Both of us are to embarrassed to actually express what we are feeling about the whole situation. We start off slow but Dean brings up the fact that the one of the news stations officially brought up the idea that the dead are walking. I ask him what he thinks and he says he is a little worried. After a little more small talk, I tell him what we have been up to and that we are headed North to come get him. He expresses some interest and tells me that he will call us back in a bit after he gets everything straitened out with his family. After I get off the phone with Dean I call the other cars letting them know that the news station Dean mentioned has officially brought up the idea of infected people, or walking dead. We are driving north and after I have some time to calm my mind, we did just rob a gun store, I look out Dawson's window to see that cars going south have piled up. I guess people are starting to buy into this threat. Why south? I guess that the city is providing some sort of protection plan. To populated. I'll pass. People are panicky and stupid. The car ride is quiet. My phone rings. I answer and Dean in a calm voice says that he and his family will be waiting for us. I ask him if the panic has reached North Dakota yet and he says not really and that people are out stocking up on food and supplies, but it isn't extremely out of control. I ask him if it would be possible if him and his family could go out and buy some more food and supplies they think would be necessary and he says yes. I tell him after he finishes with that, that he should stay inside his house with doors locked. I tell him that we should be there in about 3 hours or so and we hang up. 3 hours is shorter then normal, but we are speeding and I figure if cops don't care we robbed a gun store, they won't care if we are going 80 in a 55. The ride is quiet. Dawson eventually speaks up. He tries to cut the tension and tries to keep the mood light by goofing around. He says, "Isn't this just the way we planned it?" I laugh lightly and acknowledge his question. We joke around about what life might be like in 3 weeks. We keep our images bright and happy. "It shouldn't be to bad," Dawson says. We quit talking for a little while and Dawson puts a CD in. A mix. We get out of the city and passed the suburbs and now its just interstate between us and Dean's place. The line of cars heading south into the city ended about 40 minutes ago. I tell Dawson to get off on the next exit. He asks why and turns to get off. I tell him that I want to see how everyone is doing, regroup, restock and take a fucking shit. We pull into an empty parking lot of a warehouse type store. Our cars are the only cars in a giant parking lot and its creepy. Everyone gets out and asks me why we have stopped. They seem cranky. I thought I was doing them a favor. I told them what I told Dawson, that I wanted to see how everyone was doing, keep our spirits up, regroup, restock, stretch, and shit. We assign everyone with a weapon since I wanted everyone to be prepared for what might be in the store. A mixture of the young males and their fathers with heavy weapons are chosen to enter first. Then mixture of the females and older males in the rear. Our priority was to keep everyone safe, especially the women and children. The first line forms at the automatic doors. The doors don't open. Fuck, already a unexpected barrier. I tell Dawson to hold my pistol. I grab the doors and before I pry them open I tell everyone to make sure their guns are loaded and ready. Everyone checks their ammo and clicks their safeties off. Appears as though no one did this while we were at the cars and I give them a minute to check everything over. Good thing I brought it up. Dawson checks my gun for me even though it has been checked about 5 times already before we got to the doors. I appreciate his kindness. I tell Jon and Mitch that when I bust open the doors that I want them to criss cross with Jon securing the left and Mitch guarding the right. I tell them I don't want them going in any deeper. I look at Dawson and signal that I want my gun right away when I open the doors. I yell back to the Dads that after Mitch and Jon secure the entrance, that they should move in and support and that Dawson and I will walk in right after and take point. I take a deep breath dip my shoulders and pull. The doors slide open. The air inside is warm and thick and has a dry stench to it. Most of the lights are turned off so its dark. The store is big. Jon and Mitch are already in their spots and the adults move in. Dawson hands me my pistol and we weave through and get to the front. I click for Jon and Mitch to move up. There are a lot of the aisles and I want to secure every single one before we start grabbing stuff. Its quiet and as we get deeper into tho store the sun light coming through the windows becomes darker. After about the 10th aisle Jon and Mitch begin to let their guard down. They being to walk standing strait up and out of formation. I snap quietly and tell them to get lower and back in line. They do for about 2 more aisles and then get tired of it and start to talk out load. When they do I grab Mitch around the collar and I as quietly and firmly as I can grunt in his face to shut the fuck up and I glare at Jon. I didn't want them relaxing and influencing the rest of the group to let their guard down. They fall back in line but I can hear them now mumbling about how Min is a little bitch. I ignore it as long as they follow the plan. While I was cussing the two bone heads out Dawson was still advancing the team slowly. I am surprised at his discipline and leadership skills since he is known as the group Rambo. We maze through most of the store and reach the back. After everyone finishes their business, using the bathroom, stocking up, or whatever it may be, we regroup. Jon and Mitch start walking casually to towards the front and I grab Jon by his shirt and signal them back. They reluctantly assimilate. We sneak back up towards the front and when we get close I tell Dawson that I want him to lead the people out back into the parking lot. I tell him not to stop until everyone is out and safe. He nods and asks what I am going to do. I tell him I am going to let everyone pass and that I am going to guard the rear. As they being to walk I grab Jon and signal that he should start guarding the other side of the line and to keep looking toward the back of the store for a sneak attack. Our line is longer then I originally thought. I am tempted to to turn and see how Dawson is progressing, but I stay disciplined and trust that he is doing a good job. When the back of the line passes me on my left I see a object moving in the dark. It catches my attention quick and I tap Jon on the shoulder to back me while I move in a little closer. I take a couple of steps and being to make out it is a person. The figure turns around. It is Tony picking at a door that says employees only on it. I tell him to get outside and that everyone is waiting for him. He tells Jon and me to hold on for just second because he is going to go in quick and snag some cash. I tell him money has no value anymore and that we should just leave. He continues to to pick at the locked door. Jon yells for him. The door cracks open and he looks back at us and gives us "I told you so" smile. He swings the door open and takes a step in and from his left he is tackled. Jon and I both jump. Tony is now screaming and yelling and I can't make out what is exactly going on. I look out the door and see that everyone is loading up the cars and soon will be ready to go. I take a quick step towards the door and stop. Jon is still standing there. I pull on him and he comes back to his senses. I yell that we need to get the fuck out of here. We run out the doors quickly and I close them behind me. Jon runs all the way to the cars and it startles everyone. I jog back with an eye on the doors. Jon is breathing hard and tries to explain what happened between his attempts to breath. I walk into the group of people with my head down. I am sweating like crazy and I feel heavy. I keep checking the door frequently, pistol ready. The group gets fed up with Jon's attempt to explain what happened and it feels like all the heads turn toward me at once. I just stare at the ground. The paint for the parking lines look new. Bright yellow. I didn't want to be the one to tell them the bad news. I felt guilty, because I felt was my fault that Tony is still in there. Is he dead? One of Tony's parents realizes that he isn't with the group and speaks up. Busted Min. Fuck. I swallow hard break it to them bluntly that Tony is dead. Everyone gasps and stumbles back. I feel lighter. Questions start to fly everywhere and it all sounds like a mess to me. I pay no attention to the questions because I can't make any sense out of the noises and I keep replaying what just happened in my head. When I catch my self drifting, I hear Jon trying to answer some of the questions. He has calmed down. After everyone calms down we regroup and replan. Tony's family decides to go off on their own and I honor their decision. We give them their belongings and some extra supplies and watch them drive off. They turn to go back south. Guess they decided on the Cities. Someone finally says that we should continue to Dean's place and we start packing up and slowly people get back into their cars. My feet feel like they are cemented into the ground and I don't feel like moving. Everyone is now back in their cars and ready to go, but I can't take my eyes off the stores doors. Shouldn't we check if he is still alive? Even though we know he is gone. Dawson comes over and grabs me by the shoulder and guides me toward the car. I take one look before I take a seat. Dawson starts up his engine and we continue north.

I wish I would have graduated in '97

I wash going to continue to write my Zombie dream but Dean left me a quote in one of my blogs and forced me to read and listen to to a speech. Its very powerful and moving and completely honest and true. Who ever presented this speech is and always will be an OG. Check out the "song" in Deans profile or mine since I recently added it. You can read the speech here.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97: Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters.
Throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's. Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen.

I read the speech as I listened to the song and in the middle of it I got a huge knot in my throat and I started to cry in the middle of the fucking computer lab. I hope no one saw me haha. But even if they did, I shouldn't care right? Isn't that a lesson from the speech?
So many beautiful things said in the speech. A lot of them are lessons I've been taught or taught myself. A lot of them are lessons I knew about, but for some reason don't practice, maybe I'm a prick or I'm to lazy. Some of the lessons are lessons I know about but don't fully understand cause I can only understand them with experience. The speech made me feel so sad, and so happy and was so reassuring that I am doing things and going about things the right way. I would love to meet the person who wrote the speech. I don't know who wrote it, but it is hard for me to believe that someone young could have wrote something like this. Even though I write about things and have my opinions on things, I know at my age and my experience level, I don't know shit about life. It seems like some people are so eager to grow up. I'm not. I want to take it as it goes. I have a couple of friends who act like they know everything about everything and have something say about everything and talk for other people and talk even when not being talked to, and I feel bad for them. I also have a couple of friends, who kind of don't speak their minds enough. They aren't as bad as the others though.

"The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience"
-It is so well put. Member in an older blog where I talked about how people are obsessed with numbers and facts? This is my point exactly. Sun-screen has been proven by scientists, but advice and experience is so much more valuable. I think people have a hard time grasping this. I think the people who are able to grasp this concept know the people who can't. The people who can't think they can, but will forever live their lives a lie. And I feel bad for those people, because I probably know some.

"I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded."
-Very true. My parents always tell me about this lesson. That we will never understand how things work until we have actually experienced it. Even though I can't understand it fully, I believe them. I look back at how I used to be, and I can start to feel this concept. It must be so much bigger for our parents.

"But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked."
-Makes me scared. I hope I am not wasting my time.

"Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum."
-Can't help it

"Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing."
-A lesson I learned recently in my career exploration class.

"Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind."
-I've already been living this way. When you're ahead, be sure to share your wealth. When you're behind, it should motivate you.

"The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself."

"Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life."
-Can't help but worry.

"Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone."
-You only know what you've lost when you've lost it. A very important moral and one I live by. But sometimes its hard to know what to appreciate and value.

"Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't."
-Oh I'll marry...someone probably like Jessica Alba haha! And we will have lots of children. haha.

"Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either."
-I written about being humble a bunch of times already. I know a lot of cocky people and it really does bother me to be around those people. Sometimes I don't think they are cocky, but more ignorant. They just don't know they are bad. Sometimes I think I should take it easier, but its just my make up to give 1000%.

"Your choices are half chance."
-It really does feel like that. I said in a recent blog I always want to have control over my actions and how things effect me. Sometimes you just can't help it. No one is that powerful.

"Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own."
-Agreed. I am afraid of growing old. I haven't treated my body in the best way...but lately I have monitored what I put into it. I love to exercise but don't do it enough.

"Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room."
-Just live

"Read the directions, even if you don't follow them."
-Understand even if you don't agree. Be respectful of other views. I know a lot of stubborn people.

"Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good."
-Value everything they have given me

"Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future."
-I know mine will always be there. But they are young and sometimes hard to deal with.

"Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on."
-I try.

"Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85"
-oops

"Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it."
-I think I wrote about this in a recent blog too

"But trust me on the sunscreen."
-Will do

This one will stick with me for a while.

Short and Stumpy

Korean class is done and now I have a 3 hour break before Barneezy gets done with class. 3 hours sounds like a long time but it never seems that long. After the computer lab closes I am going to go read my Rock History novel.
I look around and everyone is using computers to do academic work but I use it to blog haha. Actually there is this one Asian dude checking his Fantasy Basketball team. I already know he has a weak ass team. He may rank high in his league, but he is probably playing against some other weak ass Asian who don't know what traveling is. They all probably fought for the first pick so they can draft Yao Ming. Idiots. I once heard these blacks arguing in this lab and they were debating if Steve Nash was the best player on the Sun or if Shawn Marion was. Shawn Marion is a one of a kind player in the N.B.A but that question is soooo easy. If we are playing street ball, maybe Marion, but this is basketball you stupid monkeys. Oh well, what do I know, I like the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Think about a time when you were walking down a narrow hallway and someone was approaching you and you guys both try to get out of each others way, but only get in each others way again. And then you do it again. This may go on to 3 dodges but usually no more. Well when I am walking around campus and someone is approaching me, it seems like I am always the one to avoid them. One day I tested this to see if i kept going strait would the other person move. I waited for the last moment to steer away and if I hadn't we would have bumped shoulders. Are people that stupid? Are people that inconsiderate? Are people that oblivious? How come I'm always the one that moves? And is it that hard to hold the door for someone behind you? It doesn't take that much effort. The U of M has bike lanes. I usually look both ways before I cross those bike lanes but I always see people walking into them as bikes are coming. I hope one of these days someone has bike rage and runs them the fuck over. That would be sweet to see.

In my latest blog (The one I wrote and posted an hour ago haha) I wrote about a reoccurring dream. After I wrote about it and on my way to my Korean class, I thought about another reoccurring dream I used to have when I was a little kid. It was a nightmare and I was scared to go back to bed after I would have this nightmare. It was your stereotypical nightmare where you would spring up when you wake up with wide eyes and sweat dripping. The dream always started with a helicopter shot of a dark castle with storms over it. I think every time I saw this shot I would think to myself ahhh fuck. But shortly after the castle is examined by the camera you see a group of kids walking down the street. The group of kids are me and my friends. They flip open the fence and walk in. When you walk in, there is a small sidewalk that is surrounded by tombstones. Some of us are scared to go into the castle and some of us are excited. We eventually talk everyone to going into it. As we walk into it, the camera stays behind. The castle has a bridge from the graveyard to the actual castle. Way below is a lake or something. Probably has crocodiles in it to. But you see blood dripping from one of the tombstones into the lake. Then it cuts to us inside the doors. To our right there are bathrooms and some rooms to our left and stairs that lead upstairs strait ahead. Most of us run upstairs but someone needs to take a shit so they go into the bathroom. The bathroom lights don't work so he/she takes a shit in the dark. The is a girls bathroom and a guys bathroom, but in the wall that separates them is a door. I can't think of a situation where a girl or guy would need to walk into the opposite sexes bathroom really quick, but it was there. The door opens and someone kills the person taking a shit (Made that really dramatic). Slowly that person kills everyone off but me in the house. I find my way out and run down the street and he chases me. Just like like in Dane Cooks skit, I am running as hard as I can but the killer is always behind me. I run for a long ass time and the sun starts to rise. I run into a populated area and there are people on the sidewalk but no one decides to help. Thats all I remember.

My History of Rock and Roll class got me the thinking the other day. We are listening to early punk and heavy rock right now. When I listen to those songs I kind of have to cringe. The instrumentals are okay, but the way the lyrics are laid out bothers me. It seems like the writer have no idea what syllables are. They try to squeeze in a whole line of words where maybe only a few words would fit. The music doesn't seem organized. I always wondered why I don't like oldies when people always brag that music back then was better. When I listen to Senses Fail and then Led Zeppelin the way the syllables fall into the song are way different. So I was thinking about this the other day, and I thought maybe Rap music is the biggest contributor to music. Rap is always, or used to always have a certain flow to it. It was done more "poetically" and I just think the lyrics fit and were organized better. We haven't gotten to rap and hip-hop yet in the class, but maybe only after rap was introduced is when people looked to structure lyrics into the music more. Maybe I'm not sure.