C'mon, Kill Me, I'm Right Here

Warped Tour 2008 blog coming a littler later, don't you huffking worry. For now, know it was amazing and my neck is sore as huffk.

I always want to blog about random things but I don't want to make 2 sentence blogs cause that seems like a waste of a blog. I think from now on I will though because I always forget what I want to talk about.

I've been having a lot of dreams lately. I don't remember the dreams to well but I remember having them and some major events. I had one dream about snakes. In the dream I went over to this person's house (Completely random person, but she was very nice) and we were sitting on a couch in her living room. The living room was very plain with a couch, a cupboard, and a table. The couch looked toward the window and we sat on her very plain, ugly couch. The couch reminded me of something you would sit at a old retirement home or old hospital. It was made of two ass cousins, two back cousins made of itchy material, had wooden arm rests and thin wooden legs. She offered me something to drink and I kindly accepted so I watched her walk into the kitchen. The window bored me (There was nothing happening but a lawn and a tree line not to far) so I looked around for something to catch my interest but the living room was so plain. I decided to look under the couch and to my surprise sat a large snake. Of course I jump off the couch for I didn't want it to attack my hanging legs. I call my friend back into the room and she hands me a long stick to poke it out. So I motivate the snake out from under the couch and I grab it's neck like I learned from watching so many nature shows. I guess when you grab a snake by it's neck, it can't really do anything to harm you. Well, not this snake. This snake is able to snap it's neck or something because the head does this 180 degree magic trick and inserts it's sharp fangs into my hand. I don't feel much pain but don't enjoy the sight of my blood oozing out. That's all I remember of that dream.

I had a zombie dream. Again, I don't remember much of it. I remember this dream seemed to always be set at night. I can't remember seeing anyone I know in real life except for me. I remember walking down this narrow alley, a brick building to my left about 2 stories and a tall fence to my right. Lots of tin trash cans and cardboard boxes. Typical dirty inner city zombie setting. I saw a couple of people before I entered the alley with torn, dirty clothes on looking for a safe place to rest. A sister and little brother if I am remembering correctly. As I enter the alley I can't see the end of it, looks just like a black tunnel. As I walk through zombies start to fly out toward me naturally. I am equipped with a shotgun and the zombies are sporadic enough where I am able to pump and unload rounds into their faces without much stress. Their numbers advantage is eliminated since we are working in a narrow alley. I think to myself while I am ripping zombies, if I hadn't chosen to walk down this alley, those siblings behind me wouldn't have made it past this night and I feel good that I chose this random alley. At the same time I think, because I am going down this alley there must be other alleys that are vacant that need to be defended. You can't protect everyone even if you want to.

I remember nothing about this last dream I am going to write about except for a person that was in it. I had a friend named Alexa in high school and junior high. We weren't close friends or anything but I feel like we respected each other and considered each other good people. The weird thing is periodically she appears in my dreams out of no where. I like to think dreams happen because you have something on your mind (Lucid dreams they are called I believe). I remember having my epic zombie dream after watching Dawn of the Dead 2004 because I couldn't get over how huffking sweet zombos were and how much trust you need to put into the people around you to have the best chance of surviving. That is way I don't understand why she appears in my dreams because I don't really consciously think about her. I have seen her once since graduating high school. I really don't see any one anymore from high school. It could be anyone, but it's always her. I find this to be strange.

Ever since experiencing my first racist experience at Franklin Press I can't help but think every white person I see is looking at me as an inferior human being. Racism fucking sucks. Every time a old white couple looks at me I think they think I'm dumb or that I should die. Am I racist my self for thinking like this? I would like people to comment about this topic. I normally care less who reads these huffking things and who comments them, but I would like to talk about this topic. Why do races hate each other? This may come off poorly, but why are white people the way they are? Now, I'm not saying white people are the only racist race, but they do appear the most racist, generally. Maybe I think like that because I live in America. But I've never been attacked by a black person, a Mexican person, only whites. I've actually never been afraid of white people, and I'm still not, but I am more careful around older whites now. And I question the way whites look at me. Are they faking respect? I went to St. Cloud a couple weeks ago to visit Dawson. We went to McDonalds to get some grub and on the way out I had a strange incident. When we were leaving a couple of grandmas were coming in. The grandma reached the door before I did and pushed the door in toward me, so I moved aside so that the door would be able to move forward. After she got in I grabbed the door from her and said, "thank you," because it looked like she held it open a little longer for me. Here is the weird part, she comes storming back out and yells to me, "Well it's always age before beauty that's why I went in first!" I don't know if I heard wrong or interpreted her lecture wrong but it sounded like she was upset. I asked Dawson what he heard literally and figuratively and he felt the same way. Maybe I am less American and more Korean than I think. I was taught when someone does something nice for you, you say, "thank you," because it shows your appreciation for their act of kindness. Maybe she hates Asians? I know this paragraph makes me sound paranoid because of one experience, but trust me I'm not. I am adding a little story exaggeration to help send the message across stronger. But we can't ignore the fact that racism is still real. And it was brought to my attention quick and hard as I stated above. I've always known it was an issue and I've always been against racism, but now I want to fight this problem a little bit harder.

Talking about all this hate makes me want to listen to Ace Enders. "Bring Back Love Year 2020." It's sad that we actually have to bring love back. But I also would love to see love back by the year 2020.