Ventilation

Ignore me.

Friend vs. friend, I can see I am overreacting a tad. One left me, the other was just busy sharing his love.
An old friend visits, friendship, no shame in that.
The other: Leaving your loved ones for your own desires, thats called betrayal.

A friend is visiting. Hockey and fun. Understandable. What hurt was not the visiting friend, but another. The timing also was not in your favor.
"Plan on sight seeing and discovering a ghost city filled with curruption." Lies and betrayal. Afraid to tell me the truth? Was it sex? Was it fame? Money? It is something I obviously can't offer you. My love isn't enough. But I see through your lies. The first day of the month brings the day of deceit. Another lie to leave your friends? The holiday of jokes is one that is to important to miss I see. Even if your friend is dying. "Good friends" let others drown. I now know this.

Strange how time works. Strange how the stars are so disorganized perfectly. I polished my priorities and morals recently. I expressed them on a digital canvas. Time and fate were against me today, and showed me that my thoughts are weak. Loyalty is important to me, but not to this jester. Friends are in my heart, but with this fraud. Strange how my morals were rejected so fast by one I considered a best friend. Amazing how we differ so much. My time, energy, and life, were not enough to keep him dear. No worries, you are not the first to reject.

Anger: a powerful emotion.

Trust: difficult to breath life into, easy to kill.

Old memories. A digital journal. I just recently looked back. Our past, full of happiness and hope. I just read over a time where I wrote that I would give up anything just to have this friend near. How foolish of me. I wrote about how happy I was to be around him. How childish of me. Time, fate, memories, they all laugh at me. It angers me that I wasted that time. Time I spent feeding you, when I could have been feeding people who are actually important. More time wasted; Time and energy needed to mend a broken heart. Regret? Yes. I will use my journal to remind me that diamonds are not forever.

I've been fooled.

Thanks. Kind hearts do remain in a black world. Unexpected uplifting. Healing process hastened. But don't give yourself to much credit.

In goes the old, out comes to new. Will you ever look back? No. I have changed. Thrice my heart has been broken. All by artificial brothers. By my brothers and their need for sex, fame, acceptance and liquor. The scars are deeper, darker then ever. Life should be lived defensively, this I have learned.

Forgive one, but not the other. Can we still be friends? Of course. But I see you are not as pure as you present yourself to be. You are dark and cold. I thought I could give you light and warmth. You did not want my help.

Three broken hearts, and a couple more before I am finally free.

The past is the past. Lets live now...