I've been smashing out these blogs non-stop today. Guess I have a lot to talk about. I just watched the end of the Cavs and T'wolves and my heart was just broken. My heart aches for Kevin Garnett. It aches because I know how it feels. I know how it feels to give everything you have within you only to be disappointed by the people around you. I watched Kevin Garnett's body language, I looked at his eyes, I sensed the his aura, and it all reminded me of me. Of me when I'm playing backyard football with the pals, of me playing basketball last summer with Jon and Dawson and how many times we could have won against the "wegros" but lost, it reminded me of my life. I could feel his blood boiling at the surface of his stomach, the same spot I feel it every time I get frustrated at peoples efforts. I felt his pain and it hurt. It hurts to see someone do everything perfect, put in 200% effort and heart, and not have anything to show for it. It's how I feel a lot of the time. It breaks my fucking heart that there aren't more people like him. What if everyone was that driven? The world would be a more productive place. No one will ever understand people like us. Some people in the room claimed he was angry, and I guess that isn't wrong, but its deeper then that. I wish I could explain it, but I can't. You just have to feel it, but the problem is I know no one reading this has ever felt it.
In the past I would always act up beat when I was around people. The past being early as 2 weeks ago. But lately I just don't feel like being nice to everyone I come across anymore. Knowing that this world is full of shitty people. Knowing that I could be nice to someone, but that that person doesn't appreciate it and won't give me any respect back. Its frustrating. So I apologize in advance to everyone that reads this. Sorry if you are around me and I don't seem so excited to be around you. Its probably because I'm not. For 20 years I did nothing but make people feel comfortable and look where I am now. Alone and lost. There is no need to make the people around you feel better, because it will never benefit you. But trust me, I'm actually a nice person, but life has forced me to become a realist.
One last thing. People suck at driving. I think car horns should be removed from all cars. People are to quick to use it. People think they are immune to mistakes in a car. I drive with to many people who think they own the road. Quick to honk and point out other peoples mistakes even though they didn't do anything. Even quicker to deny their own wrongs.
Damn, I must be bored and really bitchy. Sometimes I just get fed up. You try going through 20 years of shit.
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