Cut the Blue wire or the Red wire?

Concert weekend is coming up REAL quick and I get bubble belly everything I think about it. I remember reading about the Armor for Sleep, Underoath, and Taking Back Sunday concert before our Senses trip in Nov and thinking how far away March is. Well its now a little more then a week away and it feels like I've had time to take a couple of naps and a couple of shits. I can't believe it so close. I just wrote on the all the doubler header's walls asking them if they want to wear our Geek Squad shirts to the shows. It would be sweet. But do we want to wear them to both the shows or just to one and if just one, which one? I think it would be awesome to wear them to both, but then we would have to clean them over night (Well most of my buds are slobs and I don't think they would mind nasty shirts. I have like 3 Geek Squad shirts so no problem for me). We will chit chat. Also, I need to bring up the thought of Applebees after the Anberlin and Meg and Dia show. That would be baller. Lots of water and a little snack. A new band that I checked out since they are playing at the Anberlin show is Jonezetta. They are a pretty sweet band and it should be an awesome opener (But not as sweet as Armor for Sleep. Armor for Sleep opening?! Jizz). Everyone should give them a try. They in my point of view sound like a blend of Midtown meets The Rasmus with a more electric feeling with a light The Format influence. They also use brass instruments in a couple of tunes and it gives it a ska feel. They have a little 80's zip to them as well. Its not bad stuff and the dudes seem really cool. When I friended them on MySpace they sent me a message with the friend approval. Pretty cool of them, even if it might have just been a representative. I mean most the bands I listen to probably aren't even gold, and a little interaction with fans doesn't sound that hard.

I've been thinking more and more about moving to Melrose with some of my friends next year. I know its going to be an amazing experience and its going to be a lot of fun, but I've been trying to play out all the band things that might happen and those images scare me. I get this feeling that our refrigerator is not going to be clean, with jars tipped over and leaking and mold growing on the sides. I get this image of sauce stained microwave sides and dirty dishes lying around waiting for me to clean them. I get the image of pizza boxes scattered all of the floor and magazines and paper tossed around. I'm scared that when you walk by their rooms you are going to need a gas mask. I scared at what the bathrooms are going to look like. And I'm scared that I am the only one who actually cares to keep everything clean. I don't think the people I am moving in with really care about keeping a sharp appearance, about hygiene, and about keeping their surroundings clean. I vision myself having to do a lot of house work. I don't think I want to wash my clothes during the same wash as them either. I get the idea that they have poop stained underwear. The idea behind washing clothes is to make them cleaner, not to spread the filth evenly among other peoples clothes. I am scared to wash my socks in the same load as Mitchell's because his feet are VERY VERY stank! Sometimes when we sit around in Jon's basement and the way everyone sits makes it so Mitch is sitting on the couch next to me while I sit at the feet of the couch and closer to his feet. The smell is suffocating and unbearable. I guess as long as things work out, and my separate room and bathroom is clean, I will have an escape area.

Ever since Jon didn't get accepted to the U of M I've been planning what my life is going to be like Post-Jon. And its scary. At first it didn't hit me so hard, but after we got our place at Melrose its been hitting me harder and more real. I guess I always thought that it would be Dean, Jon and Me causing chaos together. The other day Mitch brought it up and said that it is going to be weird without him around every weekend. And I told him that I've been thinking about it too, and thats all I wanted to say. I didn't want to talk about anymore. I didn't think college and distance could put such a strain on a friendship. I thought things would remain the same and when you are back together things would just pick up. I always compared it to when Dean moved away from the neighborhood. I always thought there was a brotherhood bond and that bond would never break. I think I give peoples loyalty to much credit because just give them the loyalty I feel inside. Over my 2 years of college, I've learned that people who you think love you, don't actually give a shit about you. Once something better comes by, they are quick to jump on that bandwagon. My bandwagon doesn't supply people with booze and and naked girls and parties, but it does hold loyalty and honesty and love but in our society that doesn't appeal. In my AP issue someone brought up the question, "Do nice guys really finish last?" And at this point in my life, yes, they do. I hear in the long run, things start to look better. I hope so. Jon has plans to attend UMD and I am scared to death I am going to lose him to. He stated he is choosing UMD so his transfer to the Twin Cities campus will be easier. But I heard the whole transfer story two years ago and I don't see any of my past friends here now. History is perfectly lined up to repeat itself. And if it does repeat it self, that will leave Dean and myself as the only two OG's left. UMD means Jon will be spending a lot of time with Ben, which is good and bad. Ben's a good guy and but someone that has different morals then me. If Ben is the only friend Jon is going to have up there, I don't see any chance Jon doesn't get sucked into the college life. He will forget about me and our past just as quickly as my old friends. And that sucks because I feel like I have sacrificed a lot to keep our friendship as strong as possible. I feel like I have sacrificed a lot to keep all my friendships healthy and it makes me sad when people ignore it. My feelings on this whole situation are a little confusing but I mostly have a negative feel about it all. I've been down this road and it wasn't a smooth one. I hope Jon considers our long lasting friendship a little more then some of my friends in the past. I have nothing but love for that guy and even if he decides to throw it away, I will always remember.

Today I woke up from a dream I've had many times in the past. The dream is mostly always the same with a few details changed. The dream is set in south Minneapolis between Lake Street and Hiawatha. For some reason I start in the same spot without knowing how I got there. I am always given a a method of transportation. This time I was given a wheelchair and I remember one time I was left with a scooter. For some reason my guy, who I have some control over, always decides to go to this corner store. Each time I can't remember how get there but I use landmarks to guide my way. the horizon is always dusty and green. I always look down the long city roads and see faded buildings hiding behind the green dust. I always see the same building and know to take a right and then the next left and then I should be two blocks away from the corner store. And the corner store is always there to my left. Sometimes it has a different sign posted above its door. On my way to the store, I always get the feeling that I am going to be mugged. I've never been attacked in any of the episodes but I always get the idea they are going to attack me because I am from the suburbs and that I left them. When ever I enter the store, they always have amazing deals. Last night they had huge boxes of fruit snacks for a dollar a piece. In the next aisle they had big jugs of Gatorade for 50 cents. In the dream I always wonder how they sell these products for so cheap. I always check the expiration date and the drinks are always overdue. I don't remember what I did after that from my dream last night, but I do remember when I had this dream before I walked to my old house by South High. I always just walk by and see a bunch of Mexicans running around inside. then I walk through my old alley and turn the corner to the place where I almost got shot in the head. After I leave the alley an old friend of mine always runs up and says hi. We talk for a little while and then I walk over to Ayabe's house. When I get to Ayabe's I knock on his door. I always knocked the same way when I would go over to his house and then he would repeat the knock back to me from the other side. He opens the door and I am thrilled to see him but he just walks back upstairs after letting me in. His living room is brand new and his parents and some friends are having dinner. I say hi to his parents and they offer me a plate. Our friend Sye is there too. I say hi to him and he says hi back only a little more friendly the Ayabe. Thats all I remember.

I did one of those chain bulletins on MySpace this week or last week and one of the questions were, "Have you ever been in love?" And I didn't know how to answer it. What is love? Its not tangible and difficult to describe so how do we define it? I read Stephen Christian's blog (Front man of Anberlin) the other week and he had this one blog about love that was interesting. It was cool to read how someone else viewed love. I know some people are going to say, "You don't know what love is because you never felt it" and this might be true. But what if I have felt it but didn't know I was feeling it? I've been heartbroken before, I've been disappointed and I've been sad. Does this meet the criteria of love? I've meet people that I would do anything for if they gave me the chance. Does this meet your definition of love? Really think about it. I don't think any of us can really grasp what love is, yet we search endlessly for it. What if it doesn't even exist? Just some word and idea someone made up. Whatever it is, we all want it, including me. But what if we are searching for something that isn't there.