Emo-Tional

It has been two days short of a month since I have last blogged and for that I deserve to be spanked by Jessica Alba about three and two thirds of a time. Sucks that I haven't blogged for so long but I guess life has been pretty plain and stress free for a good stretch. Blogging is like the ultimate form of venting for me and also I like to write things down so I can read them much later in the future. But the last few days have been rather shitty and E-bloggers and MySpace are always there for me, unlike shitty friends. For the past month I haven't done much and that might be why I feel so shitty now. I really don't know what the source of my issues are and that always seems to be my problem. Its never a matter of one problem, no, that would be to easy for me to take care of and get passed. Its always a whole slew of problems that all hit me at once. But do they really hit me at once or is it my fault for not taking care of things right and letting them drag on and accumulate. Another issue I have is I always blame myself for the things that go wrong, when I should really be throwing it on other people, sounds rude, but its true.

What have I done this past month except sit around and put in endless hours into The Bigs, which is a bomb game. The only events I can think of is Transformers, a good 4th with the family and my cousin John coming to visit form California. Transformers was a nice little joint that kept me happy. The fourth was really fun and I got to hang out with my cousins for a while which was a lot of fun. Eric is full of amazing stories and sassy comments. My cousin John came to visit so we took him to the Mall of America and on a different night we slept over at Eric and Ellen's house. We stayed up all night watched some movies and played video games and then woke up and watched some more movies. Later a bunch of the family came over and we had an old fashion Korean BB and Q, if such things exist. It was good as hell though, depending on which part of hell you have tasted. Oh, about a week ago Vince had his grad party and it was honestly one of the most chill and entertaining grad parties I've been to. To many people now'a days like to do things big but Ving kept it simple and it was mucho fun. People just grabbed a plate and sat around in his living room chatting, introducing one another and sharing stories. Everyone had input and everyone was very respectful and it made for a very grand time. I love social settings and I love meeting new people and talking about meeting people makes me really excited about moving into a new setting come September because I will have the chance then to meet all sorts of people. I really need to get out some more but that means I need friends that like to go out and do stuff. The bad thing is my friends have the social skills of a home schooled child.

So I started this blog around the same time yesterday and I am still writing it because I like to take breaks. I am currently listening to Circa Survive who I have been obsessing over lately and I'm trying to get one of my photos "Simpson-ized." But its being really ghetto and I assume it is because Tom of MySpace (Is there any other Tom?) is promoting it and the 10,000,000 MySpacers can't be good for the Simpson's server. How cool would it be to be immortalized as a Simpson?

Anywho, whats been going on? I just need to find a decent way to end this dysfunctional blog. I have no idea what I'm writing about. I've been killing a lot of movies lately. I watched Apocalypto, The Quick and the Undead, Domino and Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance. This is actually pretty sad but my favorite movie out of the list is probably The Quick and the Undead. Simply one of the worst movies I've seen this summer but I found it so entertaining. There are parts of the movie I would like to share but writing about it doesn't do it justice, I need to act it out. Its basically a shitty zombie movie set in the wild west where bounty hunters get rewarded for the number of zombies they kill. Pretty stupid idea huh? Well it is, but it makes for a great Min Lee watch. What can I say, I'm weird. Apocalypto was pretty good but I didn't like the end. Domino was pretty good, but it seemed to long. It is a lot like Crank with the over-production and so much saturation one would think they are on some sort of hallucinogen. I think its cool though, its like watching one long montage, and Min loves his montages. And I should really stop referring to myself in the third person. Referring sounds like reefer...I think.

I'll end this lunatics blog after this segment. I've been reading this book called Everybody Hurts: An Essential Guide to Emo Culture. I bought it from Urban Outfitters which is a kick ass store, because I love learning about cultures and what is better then music culture? The book is a semi-serious, mostly comedic book but you do learn a lot of things from reading it. Its written by Leslie Simon and Trevor Kelly who work for Alternative Press which is a kick-ass magazine. I'm only 20 pages (I have 2 AP issues I still need to read) and the foreword in but I've already learned so many things about the Emo culture and things about myself. But before I continue, if you are into the scene, do read it, you'll get a kick out of it. I've always been aware of the emo culture and I think I actually had more of a grasp on it then most people. Most people think its just about cutting and crying but I knew it was more deeper than that. I'm more of an understanding and compromising person than the usual human being. Just because people talk about their feelings does not make them a cry baby, venting is one of he best methods of healing I think. So really, I felt bad for the emo culture because they were taking a lot of heat for doing regular ass human stuff. Now I deeply entrenched into the Emo music scene but never did I really consider myself an Emo...wow that sounds dumb haha. Isn't an Emo a fucking animal? or is that Emu? Probably Emu...but I digress. A flightless bird right? (Alright shut up...) But the book really helps clarify what Emo means to the people on the outside that think they know what Emo means (Cutting, Crying, tight clothes, makeup...right?) People in college would ask me, "What is Emo?" all the time because I listen to the music and I never knew how to describe it. I mean they didn't even know half the bands I listed off, it was always, "Dashboard, Fall Out, Panic!? Do you know them?" "Oh yea! they rock." But now when people ask me, I can just be like go read this book and they won't, but at least I won't have to think of an answer. Here is something that really struck me, at the beginning of the book they introduce the "Emo Value System." A good list of qualities that make up and Emo. Depression was one of them and it went on to explain that Emo don't like to be depressed by them selves, but rather a group of other Emos. Sounds pretty stupid, actually really stupid but think about it, have you ever felt depressed and needed to talk to other people? Duh, right? Well if you're a more thoughtful person, I think you are more likely to be depressed because you think about shit that bothers you, I know I do. The second quality was Effort(lessness). Brilliantly titled because its true, it takes a lot of effort to make things look effortless. I totally dig this one. Empathy is the third one and I do feel lots of sympathy and empathy. I am a caring person so its just my nature to do so. But I guess that makes you Emo...this is something I didn't know about Emos. Here is a brilliant term that was introduced with the Empathy topic: "Overcast Kids." And do I know some Overcast Kids. So to the people that know the scene well, next time you see one of those people who are Emo to be Emo and that act like they know what is going on, that my friends, is an Overcast Kid. The next Value Quality is Faith. It goes on to say that Emos will follow anything they believe in 110%. Damn, describes me again, loyalty is such an important moral to me and I will follow people and things I believe to my death. Then it makes fun of an Emos faith and says that they blog about this...doh! Insecurity is another one, and I also fall into this category. The last one they name is non-athleticism, which isn't me. I might not be crazy athletic, but I do enjoy my sports. So I thought about it, I fall into most of the categories but I never considered myself an Emu. I just figured what these people do are normal human things, why wouldn't a person want to be loyal, considerate and outgoing? But I am learning that these are qualities not everyone possesses, and thats to bad. So maybe I am emu, who knows. Here is something that really did it for me, Emos are born, not made. So if you are trying to be one, stop haha. But I always tell myself there aren't people on this Earth like me, because it is really hard for me to find someone with the same viewpoints as me. Its really hard for me to find someone who acts like me, cares like me and believes in things like me. I tell myself I am one of a kind, and not because I think its cool, I think its sad. I feel alone at times. But maybe I need to hang out with Emus haha. And yes, I know I said Emu the last 5 times or so. Suck it.
Then they continue with Emo Facts vs. Fictions. "Being Emo means you don't have any friends." False. It means you have more friends, MySpace, AIM and music bonds them.
"Emo refers to a music genre - not a lifestyle." False, it is a music sub-genre but it has also become a lifestyle.
"Being called Emo is an insult." False, it was but not anymore.
"If you're emo, you cry all the time" False, thats just a dumb question, or I guess statement.
"Devout Emo followers are Celibate." False. Haha, this is what the book says, "...Sex is something that is often coveted by the emo masses, out of cirumstances, rarely ever experienced." Soooo true.
"If you're Emo then you're strait edge." False. haha, not for me.
Then it talks about mannerisms and etiquettes which I don't care to talk about since this is getting long. I guess out of my group of friends, Dean is the most Emo if you scientifically categorize my friends from the book. Maybe thats why we get along so well? Anywho, just another culture I learned I am a part of and I didn't even know it. All this time I tried to avoid it.

Ayabe Germolus

Well, I wasn't going to write a blog tonight cause I am so exhausted from one of the most eventful weekends in recent memory, but I am wide awake now after Death Note episode 36. Really, that episode makes it all worth watching. I was getting kind of sick of the series because its not what it used be compared to the earlier episodes, but after 36 its all worth it, I can not wait for the last episode to come out this week. While watching something like Death Note I ask questions like, "how come they can't just cut all the bullshit out and just have all the main ideas?" I ask questions like that, but I know the answer. They have to build it up, because otherwise times like episode 36 just aren't as sweet. So I am ready to pee my pants later this week. Anywho, while I have time I figure I should update what has been going on in my life lately, and for once, I have shit to write about.

While Brand New's "Handcuff" plays (Amazing C.D) I'll write about my Mall of America trip I had earlier this week (Thursday?). Basically I was kind of sick of sitting around and I needed a night out so I suggested M.O.A to Dawson one night and he was free so we made it happen. I started the day out with some basketball since I am trying to be active everyday but my exercise was cut short when it started to rain. When I got out of the shower I saw I had missed a call from Chrissy. I was kind of surprised that I got call but glad that she did call. I informed her about my M.O.A plans and she was with Gallus and Ashley and they decided to join us. Dawson, Dick and I made a quick stop at the Best Buy so I could get me some cheap as hell blank Dynex DVDs and then we went back to my house where we met up with the girls and all hopped into Dawson's Impala. Remeber, that makes it Dawson, Dick, Me, Gallus, Ashley, Chrissy and myself. Cramped, but it made for maximum fun. I introduced a little game I named very generically, "Power," and we had tons of fun with it. I don't care to explain the game so if you're interested you'll just have to join us for an extended car ride. Basically Chrissy sucked at the game, but I don't really see how one could actually suck at the game. Its not really even a game, but I've digressed to far. Anywho, M.O.A. We got there and we really didn't have any stores we had in mind. I knew I needed to visit, The Dollar Tree, Old Navy, Pac Sun, Hot Topic and Urban Outfitters. We walked around and went to a bunch of random stores but I got hungry rather quickly so we made a Taco Bell stop. It seems like thats all I've been eating lately, but that bothers me none. Then we stopped at Tropicana to see Ben quickly and promised him we would be back to claim some ice cream by nights end. I got to stop by the Dollar Store where I picked up a bunch of bathroom products which included a lot of hair spray, because lets be honest, my anime/emo inspired hair demands hair spray. We walked around and hit up some of the stores the girls wanted to visit and Dick finally pop his Vaase cherry and got the see the store he has heard so much of. I got around to Old Navy, Pac Sun and Hot Topic but picked nothing up due to lack of sales. The Ridgedale Hot Topic is by far the best Hot Topic I've been to. They always have the best people working there and they always seem to have shit I want. They did have this really sexy hoodie at Pac Sun but only in plus sizes. The last store I needed to get to was Urban Outfitters and I was blown away by the selection of beautiful clothes. I wanted a bunch of things from that store, but the price was not friendly. I have the thrift store, I don't need to get anything from UO, but I need to get lucky. I plan on going back and getting some things. I really liked the car freshener UO had, George Bush's Dumb-Ass Head on a String. If I had a car, I probably would have bought one. They had a bunch of sweet clothes there, but I think I wanted a couple of their books most. "Everybody Hurts" and a horror movie survival guide book, but I figured check the library first. We ended the trip at Tropicana where Ben hooked us all up with some creamy treats but that wasn't the best part. While we were sitting there enjoying our delights, this duo of black guys walked up to Ashley and tried to, "run game." "Ay, whaddup shawty, whats your name?" was his choice of a pick up line. Basically we all sat and stared at the rap-retard. Then he got angry and walked away while cursing because he got denied, get used to it pal. Anywho, we played Power on the way home and all went our seperate ways. A well spent night in my opinion.

Fast forward to Saturday with me while Reign of Kindo's version "O Holy Night" plays on my laptop. The big day. I think the last concert I went to was the The Early November send off. The day started out with church like usual and I tried to get home quick so I could shower, again, and get ready for the concert, but failed due to family delays. So I got home, showered, dressed, ate all in about 10 minutes. Which did not give me enough time to let my hair dry and do it over. I tried to do it in Jon's car while we were making out way to Maplewood Mall but no luck. My hair was still wet, there was to much wind, and I had no mirror. Not to sound like a little girl, which I pretty much am, but my hair was a mess. We got to Maplewood Mall without any trouble and on perfect time. We made our way to the outside stage and staked our area. There was a black dude talking about war and stuff but he soon cleared the stage for From Autumn to Ashes. I was super pumped to see these guys because their latest album is very good. At the sound of the first scream, I was off, Peter can vouch for me, I was READY to say the least. I think the guys I went with could feel that I was aching for this show. The circle pits opened up and from there it was just all emotion. For some reason I am just pulled toward the stage and I just kept on advancing without even thinking about it. Crazy song after crazy song, From Autumn to Ashes rocked it. They even put in some old joints in their set which is surprising since of their major band changes. Francis is an excellent front man, and I really appreciate his emotion and how he sings/screams his fucking heart out. He really means it when he is up there. When Deth Kult Social Club started I pretty much lost it since it was the song I wanted to hear by them the most. At one point I was screaming so hard and so long I got all light headed and almost fell over. They ended with a oldie, "Reflections," and cleared the stage for the black guy before Senses Fail. The black guy was handing out some prizes. They drew names out of a box and I had something planned for when he pulled the names out. After each name I yelled and pretended like I won something. the crowd was silent and when I exploded everyone was convinced I had won, but I let them know I didn't. Then Senses Fail. They busted out with "Shark Attack" and my neck almost tore into two peices I banged so hard during the intro. Probably why I still can't turn my neck. Just a sick set yet again. I think it might have been like the 9th time I've seen those dudes. I believe, if my memory serves me right, they introduced a new song. Our little crew made it up to the front which was nice since the breeze gets to hit you up there. There was this little bitch at the front next to me and I feel bad, but I had to elbow her face a couple of times, but really, she was asking for it. I know my concert etiquette and she was fucking it up and so it was the only play I had. She learned to stop with her little annoyances. The show ended and for some reason I was just drained hardcore. I thought to myself, if I can't even make it through 2 outdoor sets, how am I going to make it at this years Warped Tour? But I've always managed before, so I think I'll be okay. We mingled around the mall for a little and got some drinks before we left. When we got home we all went home and got cleaned up and decided to meet at Applebees. It was actually the first time I had been there in quite some time and I'm glad we chose to go that night, because for the first time in Applebees history, we got a hot waitress. I guess Shelly served us that one time, haha, but no. Basically, I know I have no chance with any girl unless they are semi-retarded to choose something like me so we just all gave her a semi-hard, semi-goofy time. She was a good sport so all good. The funniest part of the night was when Jon was paying her. She was dealing with everyones credit cards but Jon was paying in cash and Jon asked her, "Do you want my money now?" and she said, "You can give it to me right now." Now please understand, when it comes to girls, I still believe in germs and koodies, so when an attractive girl says, "You can give it to me now," it is fucking funny. This is probably why girls don't like me haha. Anywho, after Bee's we went back to Jons and popped in the DVD we rented earlier that day called, "Doomed," and you better believe it was shitty as hell. How could we resist, it had zombies on the cover. It held us til the end, but still, it was shitty and it made me want to kill some zombies. We got a good chuckle out of it and called it a night since Jon and I had a big Sunday planned. Due to fatigue setting in, I will write about Sunday and other things going on in my life tomorrow. Blogs are taxing haha, no, not really.

But before I close thos blog, I'd like to present a question. Say your favorite store closes and you say, "I liked that store," wouldn't that mean you used to like that store? Would you say, "I like that store," even though it didn't exist? Linguists, get to work.

Ni Ni!

Kira

Its been a few days since I last blogged and even my last two blogs were humongous jokes. Basically my life these last few days have been derailed and dedicated to watching Death Note. I had a huge list of to dos and now its just bigger and more backed up since for the past 3 days my main mission was to plow through every episode of Death Note. At least I was disciplined enough to to complete this mission because I annihilated 35 episodes and now all I need to do is download the 36th and wait a week for the 37th, unless the series continues. I would suggest watching this series if you are one who can put their mature pride aside and if you are willing to read subtitles. Pride because it is an anime and subtitles because it is all in Japanese, but really, why would you want to even watch any other kind of animation? And I personally prefer subtitles over dubbed version because I feel as though dubs hurts the artistic quality. I am constantly reminded why Japanese animation is truly one of a kind each time I watch one of their creations. They always seem to have amazing ground breaking animation and their stories are always infused with deep messages and they always have enough action to hook the average a.d.d ruled American. But if you liked 24, you might like Death Note. It has the same type of action where each time the protagonist does something impossible and it becomes less and less believable as the series goes on and you feel like you are wasting your life watching it, but for some reason you always come back for more. I will say the beginning of Death Note is better then the newer episodes, but it still worth watching and especially at the part where I am. Go N!

Now that I am free from the shackles of Death Note I plan on getting back to my normal life. I still need to adjust some things for school and get my financial situation fixed. It is all so confusing to me, but I think I will manage. I think this weekend was meant for me to get out and enjoy myself after two weeks of being locked inside. Friday there is a free secret acoustic show being put on by Minnesota's own Quietdrive at the Best Buy in Coon Rapids at noon. If I can find people who want to go, and a ride (I don't have a car), I plan on going. Quietdrive is a pop-rock band so anyone who likes Acceptance, or even Fall Out Boy might enjoy the set. Plus, its acoustic, if you don't like acoustic music you owe the next three people you see a blow job. Acoustic music is pretty much generally liked by all. (Be right back, poop break). I have the fastest pooper in the whole world. Where was I, ah right, Queitdrive, go to it. But I am really excited for the Senses Fail and From Autumn to Ashes show on Saturday. This is also free and will start at 4 at Maplewood Mall. FATA is opening with a 30 minute set and then Senses Fail will be closing the Couch Tour with their set. I will be going to this no matter what, so if you go, see you there! Thats all I will write about that show since I've written about it so many times already in previous blogs. I've been going to the orthodontics a lot lately and it looks like I am going to get braces here in the next few weeks. I am very nervous about it. I don't know how else to phrase it or what I'm nervous about, I'm just nervous. I've never been a fan of altering my body by means of western medicine. They are planning on pulling out one of my front teeth and knowing that once its pulled, I will never have it back scares me. Its my tooth, my body made it, the tooth that God gave me, and with a quick twitch, it will be lost. Its the tooth that I was suppose to live with for the rest of my life. And braces, yuck. But I guess my teeth will be more healthy and they will look better after everything is done, so I'll go with it.

Lately I've been wondering what it might be like to live alone. What it might be like not seeing a single human being for a couple of weeks. Would one go crazy? Or would one come out a stronger person? I think a little of both. I bet the worlds smartest, strongest, and best people are those who seem a little crazy. And I don't just say that because I think I'm crazy and getting worse, but rather cause I think it true. I just don't think many people could go a month with zero human contact, I don't think I could. What about no direct human contact for 3 months? You would have internet and things. That I think I could do. Basically the only people I've seen over the past two weeks are my family and really just Dick since Leah is busy with her friends, and my parents do nothing but work. To eliminate one person from my life doesn't seem that tough. Really all I do is sit on the computer to read and use it to help me create poorly made visuals and audios, or else I read books, go out and play basketball with the occasional video game break. I do things already by myself, I've learned how to do this since summer started. I forced myself to learn. Along with this, I wonder what it might be like to have power and to have people fear me. This thought was only put into my head because of Death Note. But what if I had a Death Note, how would I use my power? This is what I think, people who have power will always abuse it. I can say now if I ever gain that sort of power, I will use to help people and truly mean it, but I think that if I ever did earn that sort of power, I would only use it to advance my well being. I think this is the same way with everyone, no one is immune to it. I hope day I will be tested, and that maybe I can pass that test.

So today I slept for 10 hours because yesterday I thought it would be cool to go with only 5 hours of sleep. My Mom called me after a late night around 8 a.m and I thought about going back to bed, but hopped out of bed instead. Well after an active day, my body was ready to shut down come 9 p.m. I think I might run an experiment and see how much sleep deprivation effects ones ability to think. But it is so hard for me to crawl out of bed for some reason, and lately its been hard to even go to bed. So I can't go to bed, but once I do, I can't get out. I'm fucked up.

Time to edit some thangs. Thank you Adobe Premiere.

Monsieur

Again, nothing new to update on but I just thought I should write something. Yesterday I pretty much sat around all day. I worked on the Pokémon video, which is turning out well, and then I played some video games and then watched the Spurs become champions and then I tried to go to bed early since I had an early dentist appointment. For some reason I couldn't fall asleep and I just rolled around for a couple of hours. It could be that I was thinking to much and/or it could be because I took a nap earlier that evening. Today I don't have much planned. I got my teeth cleaned and my jaw hurts like every time I get my teeth cleaned and now I write this before I try and finish my Pokémon video. I will most likely play some basketball later today and then sit around and watch a movie. I feel like I have been wasting all this valuable free time and I feel bad because usually I would kill to have this much free time. So I promised myself from here on out I will only be productive. Creating videos, photoshoping photos, writing music, writing blogs, reading, doing chores, exercising. I was trying to get this position with Alternative Press but I am having trouble contacting them.

A couple of random blurbs before I end this miserable blog. I want to write about sandals and primarily males wearing sandals. It should be illegal for dudes to wear sandals because it is just not attractive. Not all girls should be able to wear them either. I don't mind them being worn casually maybe on the beach or just to step out into the yard quick or something like that, but for them to be a part of your attire is dumb. Again, some girls can pull them off and make them sexy or cute but dudes, no. No chance. So please stop wearing them as a fashion dudes.

Lately I've realized my friends and I just don't find the same things entertaining anymore. I know Ben and I have music in common and Dean and I have sports in common but that has been about it. And the worst thing about it is, they are the two friends I get to see least. No one likes to go out and no one likes to be active anymore and its a fucking shame.

Haha, this is a waste of a fucking blog. I didn't really feel like writing but I feel like I am cheating myself when I don't write for an extended period.

out of neat little titles

Nothing new really to update on but I felt like I should write something so I will make it quick since I have no immediate thoughts and Richard is waiting for me while he plays Playstation2. Yesterday I did the usual chores in the morning and then Benny came over and we played Melee and chilled and hit up a couple of spots. Then Ben came over and we went to Guitar Center and basically played there for about 3 hours. I didn't even get to play in all the rooms yesterday since we spent so much time in the acoustic room. One of the workers there gave us a little lesson on classical guitaring but it was way to crazy for me to understand but I'm glad Ben actually understood what he was teaching. I pretty much keep it ghetto with my power chords. After Guitar Center we got some grub at the Taco Bell then called it a night. The only shame of the night was that Ben and I didn't get to jam at home and that there was no ping-pong or volleyball involved. I guess we could have played volleyball, but I like to avoid the Christenson parents when ever I can because they are such strange people. They have this very cult feeling to them. They almost seem as if they are brainwashed and under the command of an evil master. Anywho, Guitar Center is a sick little store and is much more entertaining when you go with Ben.

Nick's grad party was on Sunday and it was a nice relaxing follow up to a fun filled day that was Saturday. The weather was hotter then it needed to be but it still felt nice. Most of the grad party revolved around the huge slide Nick had borrowed for the day and although I did not partake in the slide festivities, it was fun climbing it a few times and then just watch people destroy themselves on it. When people questioned my not going on the slide, I responded with a savvy, "I'm like 20 years old," but really it was just to hot and my body is much to fragile to take part in such vigorous activites. I had plenty of entertainment just sitting and watching. Dick has made for some memorable times as of late. After the night full of slides, chicken wings, ribs, water balloon fights and mountin dew ended, we went home to clean up and then chilled at Dawson's place for a little bit. We didn't do much there but it was nice just to sit around. I watched part of the Spurs game. Game might not be the right word since the Spurs put on a whooping.

The Senses Fail and From Autumn to Ashes show is sneaking up rather quickly and although I do not wish for time to pass this rapidly, I am excited to see the two bands perform. On my rough count, this might be the ninth time I see Senses Fail making them my most seen band. But I think this time around I am more excited to see From Autumn to Ashes because they have a new lineup and I am enjoying their new album. So if you are free two Saturdays from this posting (June 23rd, 2007), please make the journey to Maplewood Mall for some intense emo, metalcore, post-hardcore/screamo music. If my sources are correct, and they should be correct since I got them right off the zumiez website, FATA will be playing around 4:30 and Senses Fail around 5:00.

One last topic before I end this blog. While I am on the topic of music and emo-ness, I might as well bring up a book I am interested in reading. Everybody Hurts: The Essential Guide to Emo Culture, or something like that. 200+ pages of the music culture I find myself very much a part of. Although I remain abstinent from being a "scene-kid," I do feel very much a part of that culture. I read a brief overview of the book and the things they talked about were things I found very identical to my own life. I loved the part about how the emo culture considers them selves Donnie Darko philosophers, and it is true, I do consider myself a connoisseur of that movie. And the part about how emo personalities approach shows was dead on as well. Emos pregame way to early and on the way to the venue they play their music way to loud and they arrive way to early and when they get in, they all rush to an open area and claim their section on the floor and they are very conscience about the people around them and then on the way home they listen to the music they just listened to. Why wouldn't I want to read this book? It is kind of like reading a book about a part of my life. I hope it is written in a semi-serious fashion and is actually a book about the culture. I know all the stereotypes the word "EMO" carries. It is a shame that the culture is hated so much and that it has been spun in such a negative way.

Anywho, time to let Dick watch his anime. I hope to finish my zombie blogs and my gay'mon two movie soon.

Mademoiselle

I started a book called Rebecca the other day and all I want to do now is finish it, but then Saturday came along and blew my face off I had so much fun. So many things to blog about and so little time since I need to get cleaned up here soon to head over to Nick's grad party and I can only hope Sunday will be as good as Saturday (I just looked up the definition of Saturday and it says it is the 7th day of the week, how do we know that?) Lets start with my book Rebecca. It was suggested to me, not directly, but I thought I would try a romantic fiction in hopes that it would improve my english writing, and reading skills and now it has simply become a great read. I envy Daphne Du Maurier because she is able to cultivate such fragile sentences yet keep them so firm and eloquent. The book does something to me while I read it. Maybe it only happens to the hopeless romantics, but I just feel light while reading this book. When the character of the book is feeling shy, I feel shy, when she is happy, I'm happy, when she is flustered, I'm flustered. I don't know, I haven't ever read romantic novels or any sort of novel ever so it is a new phenomenon to me but it is most likely not to others. If you are on summer break and bored out of your mind, go to the library and check out some books, place is a fucking gold mine.
I am thankful that Saturday happened when it did. Prior to Saturday, I've been asking myself, "Why so depressed lately Min?" I do believe happiness is a state of mind and if one desires to be happy, he or she can easily achieve happiness. So what was wrong with me? I am usually the type of person who can morph into a slap happy mode at will but lately that ability has been lost. So prior to Saturday, I've been telling myself, try your hardest not to care about what people say, or how they act, because frankly, people are dumb and people are hardcore fuckers. I am not immune to these human qualities. Just make it what it is. Don't worry if the person next to you loves you or not. I just have this struggle where I always want things to be right, but I understand that things aren't always that way. I always have struggles with loyal and honesty and I need to understand people don't believe in those morals the way I do. I just figure, what is love and friendship with out those morals? I like to think non-existing, but I have been proven wrong, apparently, people can accept below average friendships. I think another reason I've been kind of down is that I really have no one to talk to, so I bottle everything up and I vent through blogs, reading, and music. And why isn't art valued more in our culture? (Hardcore fuckers, thats why). Anywho, Saturday. I've been trying to put myself in a "good place" and with the help of Saturday, I think things will slowly start to turn around. I figured out, I need to put good people around or else I shouldn't waste my time hanging out with them. I figrued out I am happy around kind and caring people, but more importantly talented people. I guess I really do like being challenged. This blog is really crazy, I wish I would have formulated it better. I hit up Jon's grad party first, then Natalies, then Kyle's. I didn't know any people at Jon's (minus the usual crew and I do know some of Jon's grandparents and other older folk) and at Natalies but at Kyle's I knew a couple of people so I hung out there a little. I was nice chatting with Kyles cool dad Randy, his cool brother Ryan, and I also chatted with his cousin and Janani before strumming Ryans guitar and leaving. I went back over to Jon's and we just sat around with the peoples and E-Rob visited us for a little bit. Jon's family on both his mothers side and fathers side love their liguor and everyone was very drunk and they made us all hold fish and pretend we were eating them. It was pretty much the most embarrassing thing ever, but they were pretty forceful about it. Just another reason why I don't get why people drink. After that we decided to play some Volleyball! It was fun for a little while, but then it just started getting slow because there really are some suck ass people in this world and you can only stand those people for so long. So we tossed some people out and we played 2 on 2, Me and Dean, vs. Ben and Jon. The games were crazy fun. Some real volleyball. I always wanted to play an organized game where people can actually bump, set and spike and not hit it out of bounds. After it got dark and we were beat up, we dipped into Andy's house and played some ping-pong! Ben pretty much dominated us all night. Gives me great motivation to get myself ready for the next time I play him. I don't know, the night doesn't sound all that fun, but I left out a lot of small details and really, it has been WAY to long since I laughed that hard. It is easily the best day of the summer so far (Gameworks and J.Millers was pretty fun too). I guess until Warped Tour haha. But here is what I discovered. I have some friends that would rather go drink beers and party only college campuses, and I some friends what would rather go smoke pot, and I have to accept that. I have to accept that they are unloyal and uncaring. But then I have to know that I have some friends that will come down after a long days work to hang out with me when he has friends in Bloomington waiting and I have to know I have friends that will drive 4 hours from North Dakota to see me. So here is what I'm thinking, filter our the shitty friends, and try to see the good friends more often. Pretty simple right? You hang out with people you like and make you feel good, and you don't hang out with people that make you feel bad. Why didn't I install this plan before? Cause I'm dumb. Simple as that. It's because the shitty people were and I guess still are my friends and being that I am a loyal person, I wanted to stick by them. But I have learned that fighting for a lost cause is truly a waste. And like I was about to say before, I need to put talented people around me. Because life is way to boring when you put suck ass people around you. During volleyball, I just wanted the suck ass people to get off, and during ping-pong, I wanted the suck ass people to go away. I'm glad Ben and Dean made the trip down on Saturday because they are truly the catalysts to my having a good time. I was reminded why they were two of my best friends back in the day. The trouble is, Dean lives 4 hours away and Ben lives in Bloomington and works every single day of the week. Not easy to see those guys. And I need to accept that those guys also change, and I need to learn how to accept that and grow with the times. Those guys don't want to be around me all the time, even if I want to be around them all the time. Lessons I must struggle with, but in the end learn. Sunday already seems to have brighter rays of light, more colourful sounds, and more vibrant tastes. I don't know the next time I will be around Ben, Jon and Dean at the same time, but I look forward to it. Throw Mitch into the equation as well, he has been one of the most loyal friends for a long time and that alone earns him an invitation. Anywho, lets end this unorganized and babblefest section of my blog. In with the good, out with the bad...

This blog sucks, I don't look forward to the day I look back and read this one. Anywho, I am going to end this blog with a graduation party story before I go get ready for a grad party. I went to the Domaas' grad party on Friday night and it was the first time I saw of bunch of highschool friends in a long long time. And I know those guys don't give a shit about me, but I'm a people person and it was still nice seeing them. It was fun chatting and just joking around with them. I enjoyed chatting with Tony and I'm excited to see that he is going after video/radio hardcore. I wish I was brave enough to go after video hardore. Maybe if I stay in touch with Tony a little, I can find a little motivation by him to pursue my art little. The two best moments of that grad party were probably when Gio tried to allyoop it to himself off the backboard and failed hard and when everyone was doing their best Dawson playing Volleyball impression. I've never seen him play volleyball, but I can only imagine what it might be like and their impressions had to have been close. The best way they discribed it is that it looks like DK trying to play volleyball.

Alright, shower, maybe read Rebecca, and then off to Nick's. Everyone should start usuing the word Mademoiselle. So sexy. I think Dean spelt it right when I asked him to spell it.

How Min Found His Groove

So today I promised my self I would wake up early and do some chores and be productive today. Two out of three ain't bad I guess. I did a bunch of chores and I was very productive but I just didn't wake up early. 10:45 to be exact. For some reason my biological clock wouldn't let me sleep any longer. I got a bunch of things done but I wasn't able to finish my room so I am hoping to finish that tomorrow along with getting some of my hair trimmed off. Also, I promise myself I will get some exercise in tomorrow. After that, no other plans, I think...

Today after I got a bunch of things done I sat around waiting for my parents to get home so that I could mail my x-box 360 and laptop in to get repaired. I sat around reading one of my library books then I got tired so I took a short nap. I didn't fall into a deep sleep because I kept waking up and I kept asking Dick, who was on the comuter with Jon, if Mom and Dad were home yet. I later found out that they had been home for a little while. After that Nick came over and we got some Melee in and then dipped over to the Taco Bell. Place is grubbing son. Then we trucked it over to GameWorks in Minneapolis since Thursday nights is their ulimited play night. My trigger finger is damn sore! Jon whooped us all up in the racing games all night and he did very well on the shooting games too. Overall it was a very successful adventure. You know you had a time when 3 hours seems like 30 minutes. Aside from all that fun, the best part is fitting all your friends into one car, turning up the music really loud and just rocking out. Lots of Senses Fail, Underoath, Taking Back Sunday and From Autumn to Ashes, and even some rap! tee hee!

I read that there is this mid-west bus service that allows people to ride from city to city for sometimes a buck. I thought it was to good to be true and when I checked the website out, it was. The cheapest ride I could find was $15. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places. It would have been damn sweet if there were $1 bus rides from city to city. When I read the article, I thought I might have found my summer calling. I serisouly was going to pack a couple bags of some essentials, look up some dirt cheap motels, and just hop on a bus and record my trip. I think the experince of just living a nomadic or vagrant lifestyle would be awesome. So maybe I'll check the website out again and if I do find dollar rides to Chicago, then to New York, I plan on doing it.

Last Saturday there was a surprise birthday party for an old friend. After Jon and I got done at Red's graduation party we drove over to Josh Miller's house for his birthday party. I got an invitation from his sister like a week before and I was actually kind of surprised because I didn't think J.Millers family knew me that well nor did I think I would actually be one to get an invitation. It was a very fun night. I got to meet some new people and catch up with an old bud and I fully talked him into going to Warped Tour this year. We played a game of wiffle ball and it was fucking sweet! I love me my wiffel ball. Towards the end we sat around a bon fire and cooked up some marshmellows and just chatted. What is it about a bon fires that puts conversation into my mouth? Its like the fire is alive and it just streams energy into my soul. Before we left Jon and I got some ping-pong in. After we met up with Mitch at my house and watched Donnie Darko. Mitch seemed to like it. Again after the movie there was further discussion on what it could be about.

I'll end this blog with one last topic. This has happened before and again it surprised me. During rough times in my life, it has never been my close friends that have helped me through it, it has always random acquaintances. I guess that would be the best way to put it, I'm not that good at speaking and writing american, haha. Out of no where, people offer someone to talk to or just some words to cheer me up. Just because they felt like it? I have no idea, but their timing is always perfect. So I've been question myself, have I really put good people around or have I just lived this lie and thought all my friends were good people only because I was to loyal to search for other friendships? I can only compre my friends with my friends, because I never searched else where. There is a point, for me at least, when you have so many close friends, it becomes difficult to explore other people because there just isn't enough time to go aroud. I believe in spending time with loved ones and being loyal. So if all these people I know, but not all that well, are helping me, but my friends aren't, do I really have the right people around me? It does make me wonder sometimes.

Fuck it, one more topic. The AP issue from two months ago featured a band called Saosin and it was a very good read. There were a couple of things that I really enjoyed reading about. There was this one part where the memebers shared their favorite show and one of the stories really struck me. One of the members lost his Father prior to a show and he thought about not playing that night but decided to go through with it. That night the band became brothers and everyone played for the one members Dad and for the band member. During one of the songs, the band all started crying after some lyrics were sung because it was perfect for the situations. I don't remember fully, but it might have been, "I will find a way without you," from Seven Years. I think it would be amazing to share that type of bond with a group of friends. Where everyone is on the same page and evreyone is supporting each other and throw the beauty of music into it and you got the ultimate mix. Just reading about it made me want to cry.
They had a seperate part in the article where they followed the lead singer of Sasoin, Cove. Cove was not a founding member and was actually a replacement. There is some drama between Saosin and the lead singer if Circa Survive because he left the band while Saosin was sky rocketing. But Cove and Anthony of Circa Survive are friends and Anthony, I believe his name is, has helped guide Cove. Cove claims he hasn't always felt comfortable with the other members of Saosin because Cove is not your stereotypical rock star. Cove is a strait-edge rockstar and while the other memebers are out partying, drinking endless amounts of liquor, fucking girls and doing drugs, Cove avoids that and I respect him so much for that. I think it sucks being around people like that and I'm around it that much and I think I would go crazy if I had to be around "glam rockstars." It is nice to see that there are still some people who are able to resist peer pressure.

Anywho, a little bedroom clean up and then bed time for me. Oh, and a shower, I love me my showers.

Short and Fun

I don't have a lot of time since I want to go to bed and wake up early because I have a long list of 'to dos' tomorrow. So I will do exactly what my title says, keep this blog short and fun. I haven't written just a striat up fun blog in a while. I some how always manage to bitch about how shitty and confusing my life is, how shitty our government is, how shitty our society is and other depressing things that probably won't change any time soon. I guess I just like to bitch and gossip so I will try my best to keep this blog light.

I just got finished cleaning my room for like 2 and a half hours. I guess finished is the wrong word because I am far from finished. It is a lot cleaner and I think when I'm done it will look a lot sweeter and feel much better. I bought a couple of Senses Fail posters for dirt cheap the other day since Hot Topic was having a little mini poster sale. I also had a bunch of other posters that I've been to lazy to put up and lets not forget about my AP cut outs. Oh, and the Jessica Alba cut outs my sister was kind enough to give me, tee hee! Tuesday of this week was pretty sweet. I think it started off with a couple of chores I didn't mind doing since I need to get some more excercise and then I got cleaned up and checked the mail to find my new issue of Alternative Press. Perfect timing because I had just finished last months issue the day before. The Used is on the cover and I'm excited to read their cover story. After that, Mitch came over and we had a long list of places we needed to hit up. Jon joined us before we left and the three of us first went to the Unique Thrift Store. Place is still fucking amazing and lets not forget that on Tuesdays we all get 25% off. The store is always busy on Tuesdays but we managed to pick out some sweet shirts and Jon probably got the gayest belt ever. He probably got the gayest/funniest shirt ever too. Jon scored big time. After the thirft store we hit up the Ridgedale mall where I got my cheap posters at Hot Topic. The Hot Topic at Ridgedale is by far the best Hot Topic I've ever been to. The workers there are so interactive and up beat compared to the shitty Arbor Lakes Hot Topic which is like half the size. I got my posters and I also got a sweet stripped long sleeve shirt that I've wanted to a long long time and it was on sale so I couldn't resist. Usually my shirts cost around 2 dollars at the thrift store but this shirt cost 11, but its okay, its worth it. It has a little hole in it on the side but Leah said she could patch it up for me. Its a really pretty shirt with its reds and grays and stripes a la Adam Lazarra. After Hot Topic we skipped over to the Zumiez but left rather quickly because they are over priced there. On the way to Macy's we stopped by Pac Sun where I picked up another shirt. Another pretty stipped shirt but short sleeved this time. I wanted a stripped shirt for the summer and this 70% off shirt was perfect with its summer blues. Then at Macy's I bought my Warped Tour tickets! HELLS YEA! Warped Tour 2007, rain or shine, here I come! The tickets were close to $40 but they are oh so worth it. Underoath, Escape the Fate, Meg and Dia, Amber Pacific and many others. Oh, we had Taco Bell at Ridgedale too, I love me my Taco Bell. On the way out of Ridgedale we saw this really hot chick working at Big Bowl so I made the guys turn around and we stalked her for a little bit. She caught us pretty much right away. But ya know what, being the tough, grizzly men we are...we went home becuase we were embarrassed. On the way home we stopped by Blockbuster so I could trade in a movie and I ended up getting the old Jennifer Lopez flick The Cell. I heard its bad, but oh well. Hmm...I know there was a bunch of other things I wanted to write about while I was writing this blog, but I totally just lost all my thoughts. Bummer. Anywho, Jon twisted his ankle and now he can't play basketball so now I need to find a different way to get my excercise in. I'm fat.
Alright, nap time. Bless everyone.

V For...

Last night I watched one of the most refreshing movies in a long time, V for Vendetta. When it originally was released I heard it was based off a comic book and that turned me away from the movie thinking it was going to be another X-Men, or Spiderman, or Fantastic4, or Spawn, or Hulk action/visual movie. No one told me that this movie carries an actual message. So when I popped my borrowed copy of V for Vendetta into my borrowed Playstation2 last night to watch it with my friend Mitch around midnight, I was expecting a short action flick lacking any stimulation. To my pleasant surprise the movie basically spoke my words for me. I am glad I didn't watch it when it was originally released because I would have not cared much about what was being told in the movie back then so the movie reached me at a perfect time in my life. The trouble with art is that viewers will always interpret the work differently and only the most articulate of tongues will ever get their point across. A lesson that could be pulled from the movie. I stated in a much older blog that when I realized this I knew I had to become a better writer, speaker, reader but most importantly human being. Words never die, right? And if the movie is right, a thought never dies? This makes me want major in philosophy because what is more powerful then the human mind. I didn't do any recent research, but I do believe the word philosophy is greek or something like that and has two parts to it. One part meaning thought, and one part meaning love. The love of thought. Please correct me if I'm wrong, because I don't want to be feeding people bull shit like that if I'm wrong. Anywho, go watch V For Vendetta if you haven't yet. I could write about what I thought about it and the messages I loved from it, but I would only be reciting a collection of my old blogs. But when you watch it, think about the power of a truly loving and truly caring human being with an emphasis on the word TRULY. How beautiful our world could be if everyone lived with that value in mind. And don't give yourself to much credit when you think that either, don't tell yourself that if you were president or the leader of the world it would be a better place, because you're wrong. I've caught myself telling myself the exact thing, that if I could just speak to people and tell them how I felt that it would be a better place, but then right after I question myself. Who am I to say what is right? Who am I to say what is bad? Is our world, our society forever doomed? Maybe. Will we ever live perfect lives in a perfect place? Probably not. But we can live like human beings.

I guess a good segue out of V for Vendetta would be my thought on Microsoft Surface. If you haven't seen what Microsoft Surface is all about, go to http://www.microsoft.com/surface/ and watch the videos they have there. Pretty cool right? But at the same time doesn't it scare the shit out of you? Our lives are going to be so digital and so linked that we may soon not have any privacy left. If I'm someone that has nothing to hide, I shouldn't be worried, right? Yea, I guess so, but still. I am guessing the people who support the patriot act are loving the idea of Microsoft Surface. Now they can stalk our lives even harder and pump more fear into our lives. Propaganda is a powerful tool. I'm obviouslly not articulate or eloquent enough to change peoples minds with my words but for some reason it seems like movies are a more powerful medium. If people can see it and visualize it, they can understand it better. Thats how stupid we all are. There are so many connections I can make with V For Vendetta, but again, I don't feel like reciting my old blogs at noon on a cloudy day, there are better things I could be doing. I guess right now I am just asking people to think for themselves and don't let the fear be pumped into to you. I think...sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking. And does anyone know when the partiot act is going to be lifted? That thing scares the shit out of me. It's for our protection right? Or is it for the governments protection? "People shouldn't afraid of their government, the government should be afraid of their people." - Codename: V. Am I promoting anarchy by using that quote? Well I'm not sure, how do you want to spin my words? I guess I could say some proud bullshit like, "I'm just being patriotic, and helping my people," or, "I'm just being an american," but I won't. People only say that shit so they don't give their opponent any leverage. I'll just spit the truth. So I'm promoting anarchy? I guess by definition I am. But along with the issue of safety vs. freedom, what about man vs. machine? I think I might be a little paranoid here because I remember reading about stories when the computer came out. People were petrified of computers back then in fear that the machines would rise, kind of like the Terminator I guess. But think of it now, people back then were afraid of chips we use in calculators now. But I still worry a little bit because worrying is my nature. All of our info is going to be digital. It just seems like we could be fucked so easily. I mean, I play online video games and there are a shit load of hackers on those games. Its a good thing those are just video games. Oh well, hopefully I'll be dead before global warming, and before Microsoft Surface takes over our lives. What about my children? I probably won't have any because I will probably spend my life all alone. By choice? No, but I just don't see anything happening for me any time soon. I shared my views about dying alone with my Mom the other night over dinner and she says that she will help me find my special girl haha. Now that is some real game, my Mom and I at the bar macking on some fine hunnies. I'm sure my Mom could get more girls then I could haha. Here is something I am very envious about, how I don't have any real extended family. I told my Mom that I am sad because our family has it tough because some of our family, well most, lives in Korea. Right now I really need someone I can talk to, someone I can trust. But I have no friends I can talk to about my feelings, and my brother and my sister are much to young and suburbanized, and one can't really talk to ones parents about everything because they are parents, they think like parents and sometimes it affects their judgement. All they want to do is yell at your and make your life better then theirs. So really, who do I have? No one. I have no extended family and no friends. Lately I've been thinking the only people you can trust are the people your share blood with. But my options are so limited and it sucks. Oh! I totally forgot when I was talking about man vs. machine, I wanted to mention a movie called Appleseed. It is a Japanese animation flick, but it is damn good. Of course it's damn good, those Japanese mo fo's are so good at what they do. I guess I'll write more about it later because it is 12:45 now and I need to do other things. I hope everyone is well. Enjoy the shitty Minnesota weather.

The Realest Human Being On Eurf

I just woke up from a four hour nap in which I woke up in the middle of because I was sweating so damn much. Why I was perspiring so profusely without any real physical activity I do not know but I can think of some other reasons why a human being my sweat. I've been kind of freaking out lately just about myself, I guess would be the easiest way to put it. I feel like a lot of things are bothering me. Things that are out of my control, questions that have no answers to them, things that are confusing all have attributed to me going crazy. I guess I'm not clinically crazy yet, but I'll be there soon haha. Clinically insane and depressed, what a sweet combination.

The other night/early morning I tried to talk things out with my friends thinking it would make things better but I think it made things worse. Thursday morning around 2 a.m I went to Perkins with Jon, Mitch and Andy thinking it was going to be a normal trip for food and teenage conversation but it turned out to be more and I guess I was at the same time kind of expecting it. It started off like any other late night (We call it late night, but technically it is early morning) Perkins run with my debating if I wanted anything to eat so late and everyone trying to talk me into getting something. After we ordered with the usually chill servers that work at that hour we got the talking about the usual crap. Probably some ignorant ass shit about the government, some Donnie Darko philosophy, maybe a little sports (And only a little since all my friends, minus Dean, are sports world retarded), probably a lot of conversation on girls and then it all boiled down to life. The single most confusing element to life is life itself, at least to me. I've been struggling with life lately and I don't want that statement to scare anyone and/or make anyone think I am suicidal, because I'm not. Suicide is for the weak and it seems to easy to me (That statement shouldn't scare anyone either, haha). I feel bad for making that last comment because maybe it really isn't for the weak. Maybe someday I will become like those people because I will come to understand those people more. Who am I to call those people weak? This is also one of my problems, I'm always doubting and questioning myself. I am scared to make comments because I always think I am wrong. Do I have confidence and self image problems? No, I don't think so. I do think I am right most of the time and more often then other people and I do think I make "logical" decisions (Logical meaning to the standards of the cultures I live in). And I am only keeping it real when I say I am fucking ugly haha. So really, what is my problem? I don't know, and that is what is eating at me because if I did know, I'd be able to fix it. This blog isn't structured to well haha. Back to Perkins. We had one of the realest chats I have ever had and I did tell some truths and I got some things off my chest and I was able to explain how I was feeling. I would have liked to tell the whole truth, but when you know others aren't telling you the truth, its hard to come out (I am not gay). It is a very powerful tool to be able to feel when people are telling the truth and aren't and my friends aren't good liars. Out of the 4 of us, one of us was honest that night. I think it is safe to share (Of course its safe to share, no one reads these fucking things, and even if they did, who cares) that Jon was the only honest one because he has nothing to hide. Again, I would have liked to been completely honest but it is impossible to be honest around liars. How come Jon is so honest? Because he keeps life simple, he is content knowing that he really doesn't have any real skills and that he really only cares about himself. Maybe he doesn't know this, but it doesn't bother him that he doesn't know this and he just lives it. This type of innocence and ignorance is something I really envy. How come Mitch and Andy didn't tell the truth on everything? Because one of them has people to impress and one of them is maybe even more confused then I am. The confused one is able to cope with this confusion where I currently am not able to. How does he deal with it? I think maybe he doesn't actually know he is confused, or he is so far into his beliefs that he accepts things, or maybe he is comfortable living a lie. I don't think I can live a lie. Honesty is a moral I do believe in. There were so many things I wanted to blog about on Friday morning while I had the memories fresh but I woke up late (went to bed after 6 am) and then I had to help my Mom with yardwork right away and when I got in, Dick was on the computer watching his anime porn. So blog Sat right? No busy. Sunday? Not so busy, but Dick spent the WHOLE day, no lie, watching anime porn and then I let Leah on MySpace so she could stalk some more emo guys. So now it is Monday at 2:38 am, during this sentence, and I am trying to blog about what I remember. Two people cried that night, one of the participants being myself. That shit isn't the most manly thing I could say, but I don't think I'm very manly so who cares. Now we didn't cry like we owned the damn place, don't get the wrong image, but we did let out some tears and there was some snot involved and some sniffling. But most importantly, this is what I learned from the crying: that only two of the four people that went to Perkins cares if our little group of friends last through next weekend. The other two could care less if we never saw each other again because they view friendship kind of like a business. You offer me a product and I will offer you a product and as long as your product is better then mine, I will continue to subscribe. That is not how I viewed friendship because I truly am a people person and I used to believe that love was possible between two strangers if they were pure at heart. I was taught that love is only possible and is exclusive through blood and marriage and I thought that was total bull-shit, but I have no support against it. Slowly, that theory is settling on me. Sometimes I think blood isn't even enough to to fuel love and I would like to test the theory about love being possible through a man and a woman or any other combinations. So why is it that in my life and with the people around me, I am the only on able to give love? When Andy turned away from Mitch and to me to see tears across my face, his reaction was not one I expected. He jumped and said, "Oh shit!" I think this is because he has never felt or seen this type of loyalty ever before in his life. Actually I don' think, I know. I learned a lot about Andy that night through his actions and his words. I feel pretty bad for him because he is confortable living a lies. I feel bad for him because I couldn't live like that but, but I do envy him because he just doesn't care if he lives lies. One thing I didn't fully learn about him is, is he fully conscience of these lies and is afriad to face them in front of us? Or, is he so far gone that he just immune to these lies? I do believe that social anxiety has taken a slight toll on him. I've seen what peer pressure and social standards have done to him in the past and I thought he changed, but I see he really hasn't changed much. He told us that loyalty isn't a big moral in his life and I got the impression that he feels like it is a waste of time. I don't think he was lying when he said this, but I was a little confused. I remember a time when we tricked him. This was before our North Dakota road trip days and it was the day Dean's Dad came to pick him up to take him back home. I think we managed to get an extension out of Dean's Dad during our goodbyes or something like that. Andy wasn't there for the goodbyes and he got there to late, but he didn't know Dean got an extension. We told him that he missed Dean leave and it didn't seem to bother him and we sat there in Jon's driveway with a "now what..." attitude. Well, it was time for Dean to pop out and surprise and it worked. Andy chased Dean around the house with a "I'm angry because you guys tricked me, but happy about the results" attitude and when Dean finally stopped Andy threw a hug on him with tears in his eyes sceaming, "I love you Dean." Love, really? Jon joined the group hug first while saying something macho to cover up the emotions that were stirring that the time. I joined shortly with tears because I was so proud of these kids and so proud of what I had built. A group of friends that seemed to care enough for each other to consider one another family. So, what happened to that Andy and what happened to our group? Were we were young and stupid back then? Rather, were they young and stupid back then and I was just able to control them? Because I knew what I wanted and I knew what I felt. I've always been an honest and loyal person and thats what I wanted out of my friends. So is my problem now that they can think for themselves and I am no longer a part of their plan? Maybe that could be a part of my problem, but I know its not all of it. But back to a question I purposed earlier, what happened to that Andy? I think I found the answer earlier today. He may still hold a grudge against me for what happened between us. I don't think he blames Jon, but he certainly does blame me. I thought we were both past that, but its more and more obvious to me now. How could I be so stupid? And now that I let him back into our circle fully, is there any way to remove him without being the bad guy and without seeming like I am a complete hypocrite? Nope, I have given him to much leverage. Thats also kind of my problem is that I trust people way to quickly and I do give people to much leverage. People will only interact with you only of you have something they want. This "Want" doesn't always have to be material. Simple entertainment will draw people to you. If you're popular, people will want to use you for your connections. Here is an obvious one that even the simplest minds can't disagree with, if you are sexy/hot/attractive, people will want to fuck you. Well, I have this problem of sharing all my assets when I feel like I can trust someone. And when they learn how to steal those assests and have enough leverage, they don't need you anymore. It is sad, but thats how friendship works. During our talk Andy got mad at me on a number of topics. He called me a hypocrite and a non-socialist, and a conservative. It didn't deeply bother me, it was just kind of annoying. I got into an arguement with my Mom the other day and I had the same experience. I just let my Mom do all the talking, it didn't bother me, or a better way to put it, offend me, but it annoyed me. I guess I could counter them but they most likely wouldn't understand me. Maybe I am a the bad guy? Who else gets into all these arguments with parents and "friends?" Or is it because I'm not afraid to keep it real that I get into these arguments? If everyone kept it real, there would be a lot more debates. Or again, I'm I just a bad person? All I learned from Andy bashing me is, that he thinks all conservatives are bad people, which I don't agree with. He knows I'm liberal, he knows I'm a people person and I think he was simply trying to offend me but destroying those chracteriistics. So does he still hold a grudge against me? I don't know, but I think it supports it a little and only a very little because we were having an intense talk. He claimed if you are a liberal by definition, which I usually say I am because I don't like politics, you are a true conservative which I didn't and still don't get. A deinition I like from Dictionary.com is, "favorable to or in accord with concepts of maximum individual freedom possible." He said that if you are a liberal by definition you are a true conservative because they switched roles in history. After he said that, I just stopped talking, half because I was confused and I don't know how to follow up on something like that, and half because if someone is saying something that stupid, he is very emotional or very dumb. He also got mad at me when I said I didn't believe in evolution fully. I guess you can't be agnostic and not believe in evolution. You have to be a member of at least one. I feel like if I'm agnostic and I can't believe the church, what proof does scientists give me to trust evolution? Because it can be proven and because we can see it? There is no way some things can be coincidence right? I don't belive in the "Madden Curse" like some people do, I just believe some things can just happen. So the sun came out of no where or because of the big bang or whatever and caused little germs to morph into apes and apes into crazy human beings? To me, that sounds just as crazy as the bible. Of course he didn't say anything about the sun but rather told me to answer questions like, "Why are there fossils scattered across the earth?" and then continued to patronize with comments like, "Because people want to scam you right?" Pretty much asking me questions like a hardcore archeologist. I can accept that he believes in evolution, but he can't accept that I don't. Bascially he tried to push evolution on my like a hardcore christian would push christianity and I hate that. The funny thing is, Andy is known to hate christians for that reason as well. Is that the definition of a hypocrite? Or is it, if you're a hypocrite by definition, then you are truly honest? Anywho, this isn't an Andy bashing blog although I had to get some things of my chest about some things he is saying and doing I don't agree with. Know this, he believes in his words and his actions and I respect him for that, but it does not mean I need to believe in those things too. At least I think he believes in his words and actions. Sometimes I think he is even more confused then I. Anywho, the conversation ended shorter then I would have liked because the sun was coming up and Jon was worried that he wouldn't make it on his boat the next morning. I am not going to lie, this bothered me. We were having one of the realest conversations ever, and all Jon could think about was going on his family boat. This is how I know people just don't care about me. People would rather choose a boat over me without hesitation. Jon, who is suppose to be one of my best friends, chose his boat over me. But Jon known to be pretty materialistic and how can you blame him, he grew up in the suburbs and his family has enough money to afford it. Every winter break the day I dread comes along. The day after christmas where I have to listen to the catalogue of gifts Jon got. It is cool that he wants to let me know and it is cool that he got so many gifts, but damn, I don't care that you got a bucket of monkeys and an eye patch. Why not just tell me, "I got DDR pads," or something that actually has to do with me. When Jon goes to Florida, he lets everyone know it. When Jon gets a sword, he lets everyone know it. When Jon gets a boat, he lets everyone know it. And if I based my life on materialistic things, then fuck yea, I'd be pumped and jealous. I just get kind of depressed when people choose materials over me because I once heard you can't put a price on human life. Why is it that people choose boats over me? Why is it that people choose liquor and drugs over me? Its probably because I can't offer them things anymore. You can only offer love for so long before people get sick of it. Its not worth anything to these suburban people. Money will buy them happiness. Anywho, I kind of just lost my thought and I think this is enough bitching for the moment, and by moment I mean sentence. After Perkins we went on my hill to watch the sun rise. Let me tell you, if you haven't fully experienced a sun rise, please, do it. I mean fully get in to it, go out 30 minutes prior to its rise while the sky is still navy and dedicate yourself to the rise. Don't think about anything else. It'll blow you away. The horizon allows you to see how fast the sun is really moving. I think the whole sun climbed over the edge in like five minutes. It was an amazing sight, one I plan to do again soon, but I don't when since I hate summer humidity and bugs.

There were some other things I wanted to and planned to blog about but I will wait for another blog. Probably tomorrow haha. A more up beat and positive energy blog I hope. God, this blog helps me feel better and I think I will sleep well. Maybe not well, but better then I have this past week. I can't wait to blog again. I need to find some motivation somewhere and somehow, but when you're feeling down, its hard to do that. I read earlier that blogging is for emos. Well if you're a sterotype emo, this must make you feel a lot better.

He is Heating up

Going to keep this one short because I don't need to be writting blogs for hours again after I just wrote one about 7 hours ago and I need to start editing videos and do some yard work and cleaning. Last night I had a dream and I remembered it only because its like the 4th time I had that dream. Remembering dreams are crazy. The smallest stimuli can help you remember the dream but without that small push its hard to remember. I read about this sensory deprivation tank in my latest issue of AP and it sounds amazing. Francis Mark, the frontman of the band From Autumn to Ashes, shares his experiences with the deprivation tank and it just sounds like something I want to try. Basically you float in salt water and the water is the same temperature as your skin and there is no light and there is no sound and the air is clean and basically you lay there and feel nothing. What would you think about when there are no influences on you? When even the most constant pressures of gravity are eliminated. I talked about what an uninfluenced person might be like with a couple of friends a while back and we couldn't even imagine what that might be like. What if after being born you were released to learn everything by yourself. No one could influence you, no one could tell you to be liberal or conservative, no one could tell you if there was a god or not, no one could tell you what was wrong or right. Wouldn't this be the only way to figure out what is truly human instincts? There would be no bias in this persons answers. Of course this would never happen, but just imagine it. Anywho, back to my dream. I keep having this dream where I run after a city bus. I often get really close to it and I yell for the driver to stop for just 10 extra seconds so that I could catch up to it and some how I know he hears me but he leaves. I continue chasing it and sometimes I get on the bus, and sometimes I don't. When I get on I never talk to the driver and I never even look. Why? Wouldn't I be pissed he/she made me chase the bus for miles? I get on and I look around and I often see people that I knew in my past but you know when you see people you kind of knew and you know both of you guys remember each other but you kind of ignore each other...its kind of like that. I see people look at me but when I look at them they always look away.

My X-Box 360 broke and my laptop is still broken. I still need to mail both of them in to get fixed. Lately I've been trying a new diet. I call it the metabolism diet. Basically I eat small meals like 5 times a day and I try to get some excercise between meals and hopefully my metabolism burns away all the energy. I haven't lost any weight in the two weeks but I do feel a little bit better and thats what matters to me. Anywho, I promised I would keep this blog short so I am. Breakfast, Gay'mon2, yard work, clean.

Dear Diary, Sorry

I haven't blogged for about a month and that sucks because that means I missed my opportunity to blog my feelings on things and missed chances to blog memories I want to remember but most likely won't since my brian is the equivalent of puny 20 gigabyte harddrive. Not a lot of space when your world revolves around MP3 files and AVI files, I mean my iPod photo is even 30 gigabytes. Anywho, enough bashing on the capacity of my memory. Now time for some random thoughts and hopefully I can catch my blog up on what has been going on in my life.

I've just been living the life ever since summer break started. Go to bed at 2, wake up around 9, go through the morning routine of eating breakfast, getting some exercise in, doing some chores, then hanging out with friends when they are around, check on some things and finish some chores before bed, then doing it all over again. I've got a list of things I need to do and I've only been able to mark off a couple of items. I really need to get my laptop fixed because my life basically is on hold until I can get a functional computer. It is kind of sad how much ones life can be attached to a computer. More frightening then sad. I wonder how mentally ill I would be if computers were wiped off the earth. No more video games, no more movies, no more music, no more communication, no more news. Anywho, my pattern has been all out of wack lately but once I get it back on track I plan to pound out my list of chores. After I'm done with my list of chores, which is made up a lot of cleaning and organizing, I plan on getting some library books and I plan on writing some music. I also need to find a job because I can't run from a jobless life for to long. I question life sometimes and I question where man is historically more because I don't get point of life anymore. Life seems to be so simple, wake up, go to work for most of the day wheter you like it or not, go home for a few hours to eat and say hi to your family then go to work after a couple hours of sleep. During what part of the day are we allowed to be human beings? When are we able to sit around and absorb our surroundings and think about life. Sometimes I don't think I was meant to live during this period of mans history. I hear stories about what heaven might be like if there is a heaven. I don't know if I heard correctly or if my 20 gigabyte brain is failing me but it sounded like heaven is a place without toil. A place where we aren't forced to do what we don't want to do just to get by. Now that sounds like...well, heaven. If I were to go to heaven, I would just sit around all day under a tree with my iPod and watch people float around or whatever. I would just sit there and let my senses just do their things. This is if Christianity is the real deal and not just a big hoax and on top of that I don't think my agnostic views will earn me a seat under that tree. Oh well, maybe I deserve to burn in hell for a little while. And why do we have to burn in hell, why can't we just chill there? Is Satan such a bad guy that he only pulls us to hell to torture us? He must want us there for something. If the afterlife is just as confusing as the life I live right now, I quit. Please remove any cognitive ability I have because I don't want to be able to think for myself. I have ignorant friends, and sometimes I see the problems they face and it all just seems so elementary. I say that, but then here I go again and I think myself crazy telling myself maybe I am the stupid one. They all have their life figured out, maybe I suck at life. I think I havee a problem of doubting myself and looking at things from to many angles, sometimes I am to open minded. Lately I've been telling myself I've been going crazy and it really feels like it. What normal person thinks the way I do? Who cares that modern civilization is fast paced and mechanical? There seems to be a couple billion people who don't mind it. They may not like the condition of life, but they are able to accept it. Why can't I accept it? Is it because I am crazy? Again, I sometimes just don't get the point of life sometimes. I also think that I am very lonely. No one really understands me. I feel stupid when I write things like that because isn't that what teenage girls write in their pink Bratz journals? Sometimes I feel like I get less and less mature as I age. When I was in highschool, I talked about things adults talked about, and now that I am in college, I write about emotions teenage girls feel. Am I philisophical or retarted or just a little bitch? Or again, crazy? One of my biggest fears is being alone and right now I am very alone. It seems like I can't find happiness is a hard thing to find. Harder then happiness, loyalty. I could explain my viewpoint again on loaylty, but that would be a waste of time, my views on loyalty will forever be different when compared to everyone elses. And that makes my definition of loyalty wrong right? Because my definition doesn't seem to match the majorities? I never understood this majority rules concept. So if the majority is wrong but a majority favor something, that makes it right? Confusing. Do people not have human intuition anymore? Maybe this is why people can accept a mechanical life? I feel like I still use my human abilities once in a while. I base things off feeling and not always what I'm told and what the stats say. The human spirit is a powerful tool, use it sometimes. Maybe this is why I feel alone, because I am the only fully functional human being in my life. I walk alone in the sea of warm blooded, walking, talking robots. Maybe I'm not as modest as I think I am. It appears that I am putting myself above everyone, but at the same time, I put my self below everyone because I am not part of the majority and it is unhealthy to be crazy, correct? I like to think that I am a humble human being. I think part of that has to do with that through out my life, I have always been told that I can't do this or that because of some limitation I have. Lately I have been trying to tell myself that I can do this or that, and that I am just being to humble. I don't know. I just confuse myself when I talk about things like this. Lately I only feel truly happy around a couple of people. My friend Jon seems to always be there and although we joke about his ignorant nature, he really is one of the brighter people I know. We all joke about it and make fun of his "innocence" more then others but thats only because he accepts that he sometimes isn't the most aware person. I have a couple of friends who seem like the will never come to understand that they are not as good as they make them selves out to be. Last night I was very annoyed by a friends self boasting. He has a history of being cocky but still, I just can't be around that all night. I give credit where credit is due, but he refused to accept that he really is bad at what he was doing. I am really excited for Jon to get done with school so I can be around him a little more. I am hoping to spend a lot of time with him this summer because I really won't see him when school comes back around. He plans of working full time at his Dads place but hopefully he will make some time for me. Again, its not up to me, my loyalty will always be there. I've come to understand that since I will always be there, I will leave the choice to the other party. I think the departure of Jon will have great consequences for our group of friends. I think after this summer, only people who want to remain in the group will remain and everyone else will move on to "better" things. It seems very easy for people to let go of things and move on to the next thing that is offered. This fear makes me want to move in with Dean and Mitch this fall because I really do value people. I think he lets me, Jon and I will be friends for a long time. This means that people closely affiliated with Jon will also be allowed to join us for the ride. Dean will most likely be there, but I can see him switching parties because of a better offer. I can see A-Christ being there. I can even see Mitch and maybe even Ben Lee being there in my future. Other then that, this may be the last summer with many of my other friends. I will try to enjoy it while it lasts, but it is hard for me to invest in something I know won't be there for me in the future. Greedy? Maybe so, but I've given a lot already. Along with Jon, the revival of my friend A-Christ (Andy Christenson) has been very refreshing. We went through a tough time and my stubborn nature didn't help. But again, I feel like I had no wrong doing in our bout (Sounds like I think I am always right haha). I still may right about our history some day. But it seems like during our time away from each other, he was allowed to do some soul searching, some real human searching. I appreacite that he still acts like a human being. Lastly, spending time with my old friend Ben Lee has been refreshing. I didn't think I would see him much this summer because I really thought he had moved on the "better" things. And the summer is young, maybe I won't see him for the rest of summer, its up to him, but I appreciate the last couple of meetings with him. On Saturday I think it was, I got to sit with him one on one at Peter's party and we just sat there and played music. I felt alive I guess. I've never done drugs before, and please don't laugh at this next statement haha, but I guess I felt high almost (Such a stupid comment haha). I felt tired, but awake, I felt like I wasn't thinking, but I was. A very euphoric feeling I guess. I wish we could have spent the rest of the night like that, but Megan McDounough (how ever you spell that crazy ass last name) came over and it kind of snapped me out of what ever state I was in. But it was okay, we had a fun conversation. I never realized, but in a public setting, Ben and I make a nice little team. We put on this half retared act and I don't know why. Maybe I desire some attention or something. Maybe I search for love. Maybe I'm crazy.

I just woke up from a mean nap about an hour ago (1 am) and that is not good because now I'll probably go to sleep at like 4 am and wake up around noon. The next few chores I need to do are help my parents with the landscaping and clean my room. I want to adjust my clothes so my closet is summer ready. I have a lot of long sleeves and coats hanging right now. Summer attire is so boring compared to winter attire because you don't get to layer and have fun. But I hate being hot and Minnesota humidity is horrible so I guess I have to live with it. After all that I will probably try my luck with some music and edit Gay'mon 2: Gay'me on. Lately I've been trying to learn more about my singing voice and I've come to realize I really suck at singing haha. Screaming I fair okay, but when it comes to singing I suck. I have no strength in my voice and when I try to sing composed its often nasally and it sounds like I'm flat a lot of the time. Maybe I need to borrow a book on singing. I wish I had the talent to sing, because then I could make a living off doing something I really love, Creating. Creating art that makes people feel.

Anywho, I'll probably start editing Gay'mon2 after I end this blog. I will try to make blogging and regular thing and I hope to finish my zombie blogs as well.

I'm running out of names here

Tomorrow (Friday) is the last day of class for my spring semester of 2007. Pretty crazy how quickly it went. I have a short Korean final presentation and in my rock discussion we will be reviewing for our final. Sounds like a pretty easy day. And of course, Lunch with my wonderful mother.

I wish I lived in New Jersey because this weekend they are hosting Bamboozle 2007. For those of you not familiar with Bomboozle, it is the emo, indie, screamo, post-hardcore, punk, etc, equivalent of "We Fest" (is that how you spell it? I was going to spell it Wii Fest, but after Wii came out everything is Wii to me). I think, I don't listen to much country. If anyone wants to road trip it right when I get home on Friday, lets do this damn thing. Oh, p.s, I don't have a car, tee hee. It'd be such an amazing way to kick off my summer break and such a good warm up for Warped Tour 2007 which is going to be amazing, no doubt about it. I hope everyone is able to experience Warped at least one time in their life. But back to Bamboozle, tons of amazing bands that I would love to see live. I am making it a life goal to go there once. Check this friggin list:

Saturday May 5th

PEP RALLY
10:00 - 10:40 DJ PRIME
10:40 - 10:45 PARADE OF NOTHINGS FEATURING POP POP PONTIFF & THE FAULTER BOYS
10:45 - 10:50 ELMO'S MEADOWLANDS ADDRESS
10:50 - 11:30 ANDREW WK
11:30 - 11:31 RIBBON CUTTING CEREMONY
11:31 - 12:00 DJ PRIME

MAIN STAGE A
11:45 - 12:05 SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING
12:25 - 12:55 PHIL BENSEN
1:25 - 1:55 BOYS LIKE GIRLS
2:25 - 2:55 SILVERSTEIN
3:25 - 3:55 BAYSIDE
4:25 - 4:55 CARTEL
5:25 - 5:55 SAY ANYTHING
6:30 - 7:05 NEW FOUND GLORY
7:40 - 8:20 HELLOGOODBYE
9:00 - 10:30 MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

MONSTER STAGE
12:05 - 12:25 END OF AN ERA
12:55 - 1:25 THE RECEIVING END OF SIRENS
1:55 - 2:25 CUTE IS WHAT WE AIM FOR
2:55 - 3:25 PARAMORE
3:55 - 4:25 THE SPILL CANVAS
4:55 - 5:25 THE STARTING LINE
5:55 - 6:30 MC HAMMER
7:05 - 7:40 SAVES THE DAY
8:20 - 9:00 MUSE

CARNIVALE STAGE
12:05- 12:25 SAY WHEN
12:45 - 1:15 THE FORECAST
1:45 - 2:15 THE PINK SPIDERS
2:45 - 3:15 VALENCIA
3:45 - 4:15 LYDIA
4:45 - 5:15 SECONDHAND SERENADE
5:45 - 6:15 THIS PROVIDENCE
6:45 - 7:15 GREAT AMERICAN FREEDOM MACHINE (Motion City Soundtrack)
7:55 - 8:25 THE ROCKET SUMMER

SAINTS & SINNERS STAGE
11:45 - 12:05 MUTINY
12:25 - 12:45 THE HIGH COURT
1:15 - 1:45 PERMANENT ME
2:15 - 2:45 MAYLENE & THE SONS OF DISASTER
3:15 - 3:45 MEN WOMEN & CHILDREN
4:15 - 4:45 HOUSTON CALLS
5:15 - 5:45 HIT THE LIGHTS
6:15 - 6:45 BEARFORT (Thursday)
7:15 - 7:25 ELMO'S BIG BAND
7:25 - 7:55 YESTERDAY'S 2MORROW (Van Stone)
8:25 - 9:00 LORDI

RIOT SQUAD STAGE
11:30 - 11:50 THE LOOK
12:10 - 12:30 AND THEN THERE WERE MACHINES
12:55 - 1:25 FORGIVE DURDEN
1:55 - 2:25 THE AKAS
2:55 - 3:25 LIMBECK
3:55 - 4:25 MANCHESTER ORCHESTRA
4:55 - 5:25 THE CRIBS
5:55 - 6:25 HOT ROD CIRCUIT
6:55 - 7:25 MONEEN
7:55 - 8:25 CAPTURED BY ROBOTS

MACBETH STAGE
11:50 - 12:10 VAMPIRE FOR HIRE
12:35 - 12:55 SKULL MOTION
1:25 - 1:55 PLAYRADIOPLAY
2:25 - 2:55 RONNIE DAY
3:25 - 3:55 MOROS EROS
4:25 - 4:55 MADINA LAKE
5:25 - 5:55 THE AUDITION
6:25 - 6:55 MEG & DIA
7:25 - 7:55 THE ALMOST
8:25 - 8:55 THE HUSH SOUND

BAMBOOZLE TV STUDIO
12:35 - 1:05 WE THE KINGS
1:20 - 1:50 HOLIDAY PARADE
2:05 - 2:35 ENVY ON THE COAST
3:00 - 3:30 THE LOCALS (The Matches)
3:50 - 4:20 THRICE
4:30 - 4:45 DAN BOULGER
5:00 - 5:30 BIKER WOMEN (The Sleeping)
5:50 - 6:20 FOREVER IN MOTION
6:30 - 7:00 NEW ATLANTIC
7:20 - 7:40 FAKE GIMMS
8:00 - 8:20 BETRAYAL

PASS THE MIC LEFT STAGE
11:45 - 12:05 ENDLESS ESCAPE
12:25 - 12:45 RENDER
1:05 - 1:30 THE SUNSTREAK
1:50 - 2:20 HIGH CLASS ELITE
2:45 - 3:10 ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
3:50 - 4:25 WHOLE WHEAT BREAD FT ROB BASE & DJ EZ ROCK
4:55 - 5:10 BERT KREISCHER
5:30 - 5:45 MITCH FATEL
6:05 - 6:15 MIKE BOCCHETTI
6:15 - 6:30 DONNELL RAWLINGS
7:00 - 7:30 JUST SURRENDER
8:00 - 9:00 THE LIAM SHOW

PASS THE MIC RIGHT STAGE
12:05 - 12:25 THE IRONBOUND
12:45 - 1:05 GROUND TO MACHINE
1:30 - 1:50 CAPITOL RISK
2:20 - 2:45 SO THEY SAY
3:10 - 3:35 PATENT PENDING
3:35 - 3:50 NICK THUNE
4:25 - 4:55 THE CASKET SALESMEN
5:10 - 5:30 MAYBRIDGE
5:45 - 6:05 RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT
6:30 - 7:00 BETWEEN THE TREES
7:30 - 8:00 JEFFREE STAR

Sunday May 6th

MAIN STAGE A
12:05 - 12:45 BRAND NEW
1:15 - 1:45 JEDI MIND TRICKS
2:15 - 2:45 THE EARLY NOVEMBER
3:15 - 3:45 MAE
4:15 - 4:45 ARMOR FOR SLEEP
5:15 - 5:45 THE RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS
6:15 - 6:50 THRICE
7:25 - 8:05 TAKING BACK SUNDAY
8:50 - 10:15 LINKIN PARK

MONSTER STAGE
11:45 - 12:05 CORDOVA
12:45 - 1:15 YOUNG LOVE
1:45 - 2:15 RELIENT K
2:45 - 3:15 FROM FIRST TO LAST
3:45 - 4:15 CIRCA SURVIVE
4:45 - 5:15 KILLSWITCH ENGAGE
5:45 - 6:15 YELLOWCARD
6:50 - 7:25 JACKS MANNEQUIN
8:05 - 8:50 WEIRD AL YANKOVIC

CARNIVALE STAGE
11:45 - 12:05 RECKLESS SONS
12:25 - 12:50 THE SECRET HANDSHAKE
1:20 - 1:50 ANBERLIN
2:20 - 2:50 LYDIA
3:20 - 3:50 DAPHNE LOVES DERBY
4:20 - 4:50 ALL TIME LOW
5:20 - 5:50 THE SLEEPING
6:20 - 6:50 PLAIN WHITE T'S
7:20 - 7:50 VAN STONE
8:20 - 8:50 LORDI

SAINTS & SINNERS STAGE
12:05 - 12:25 FOUR STORIES
12:50 - 1:20 SAINT CAINE
1:50 - 2:20 DROP DEAD, GORGEOUS
2:50 - 3:20 HASTE THE DAY
3:50 - 4:20 THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
4:50 - 5:20 IT DIES TODAY
5:50 - 6:20 THE BLED
6:50 - 7:20 NORMA JEAN
7:50 - 8:20 AS I LAY DYING

RIOT SQUAD STAGE
11:35 - 12:00 BLESS THE FALL
12:25 - 12:50 THE OOHLAS
1:20 - 1:50 THE DEAR HUNTER
2:20 - 2:50 SCHOOLYARD HEROES
3:20 - 3:50 HALIFAX
4:20 - 4:50 STATE RADIO
5:20 - 5:50 RX BANDITS
6:20 - 6:50 XCANUCKX (Silverstein)
7:20 - 7:50 JULIETTE & THE LICKS
8:20 - 8:50 CAPTURED BY ROBOTS

MACBETH STAGE
12:00 - 12:25 NORA
12:50 - 1:20 SHERWOOD
1:50 - 2:20 THE MATCHES
2:50 - 3:20 FAIR TO MIDLAND
3:50 - 4:20 SCARY KIDS SCARING KIDS
4:50 - 5:20 ENVY ON THE COAST
5:50 - 6:20 THE DEATH OF... (Hawthorne Heights)
6:50 - 7:20 CATCH 22
7:50 - 8:20 THE JONAS BROTHERS

BAMBOOZLE TV STUDIO
12:15 - 12:35 PHIL BENSEN
12:40 - 1:05 SECONDHAND SERENADE
1:10 - 1:35 THE SPILL CANVAS
1:50 - 2:15 DANGER:RADIO
2:30 - 2:50 ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
3:05 - 3:30 KYLE & NAT
3:35 - 4:00 RETARDOBOT (Madina Lake)
4:25 - 4:50 JACKS MANNEQUIN
5:05 - 5:35 TREATY OF PARIS
5:50 - 6:20 AMBER PACIFIC
6:35 - 7:05 QUIET DRIVE
7:20 - 7:50 THE GRADUATE
8:05 - 8:25 COMMAND RADIO

PASS THE MIC STAGE RIGHT
11:40 - 12:00 CONDITIONS
12:20 - 12:45 WE ARE THE FURY
1:10 - 1:35 DRIVE BY
1:55 - 2:20 DAVE MELILLO
2:40 - 3:00 POWERSPACE
3:15 - 3:45 REVOLUTION MOTHER
4:10 - 4:35 MONTY ARE I
4:50 - 5:15 MELEE
5:40 - 5:55 SHANE MAUSS
6:10 - 6:35 STATUS GREEN
7:05 - 7:25 MORE LIKE THE MOON
7:45 - 8:05 PERFUMA
8:25 - 8:55 ROBERT KELLY

PASS THE MIC STAGE LEFT
12:00 - 12:20 STEREO SKYLINE
12:45 - 1:10 CLARA LOFARO
1:35 - 1:55 FOUR LETTER LIE
2:20 - 2:40 THE MURDER & THE HARLOT
3:00 - 3:15 CHRIS KANIK
3:45 - 4:10 KENOTIA
4:35 - 4:50 PETE CORREALE
5:15 - 5:40 CAFFEINE
5:55 - 6:10 JOSH SPEAR
6:35 - 7:05 MIKE BIRBIGLIA
7:25 - 7:45 BLACKTOP MOURNING
8:05 - 8:25 COUNTERFIT PENNIES

If you are a rock fan, tell me you didn't pee pee your pants a little? Well actually don't, cause thats nasty. I wish I could fly right about now.

Lately, I've been thinking about making my blogs private because my blogs sometimes get kind of juicy because I like to think and blog about taboo topics. Yes they are taboo, but they are real life topics and I hate to sidestep them, but I don't need negativity from commenters. I really like hearing about from other people because more perspectives mean more knowledge, but if people can't respond with a respectful and open minded tone, then I just don't want to hear it. 90% of me blogging is so I can collect my thoughts and get them on paper (or digital paper?) so I can organize what I really think and so I can come back and look at them in the future. The 10% is so I can hear what people think, because again, being multicultured is very important I think. Being ignorant from what other people are thinking and closing your self off from other thoughts should be a crime punishable by death, or castration, either will do. So I will see how this works out and I will begin to experiment with closed blogs depending on things.
I have a problem and that problem is that I like to talk to much and I like to ask to many question about thoughts and values. Maybe this is why I get into trouble with so many of my blogs. This problem has only come up recently after I discovered my love for human thought. I wrote in my blog notes that I was going mention this and I was going to talk about how maybe I should shut the fuck up a little from now on. No one wants to hear me ramble about how I think life is inevitably confusing and no one wants to hear my unarticulated and non poetic thoughts. But then I read a blog and I told my self "screw people, they can kiss my ass," and if they don't want to hear my philosophy on life, well to bad. I'm going to force feed them until they puke. Here is the blog I read that changed my perspective:

Do what you want to do. Live how you want to live. No one has a claim over your life and your opinions. On this tour a book had been given to me called: Uncommon Sense. Sort of the companion book of Common Sense, finishing off what Thomas Paine began. A very political, or should I say unpolitical book, so for those afraid of new ideas please don't venture off to begin this book. Anyway, aside from all the political "nonsense" if you will, which I found to be such a rude awakening and keen eye opener, refreshing, blah blah blah, near the end of the book I found an idea that I believe could or should appeal to all of you. The book began to get very personal, portraying a scenario that could accurately describe my own life, much to the delight of the author I'm sure. He began to say things like, "why do you think people turn to all these entertainments of movies, and music, food, woman (ugh!)?" I always thought engaging in these activities was a perfectly healthy thing to do until I read the next couple lines..."to escape!" The authors voice echoed re-percussively in my head. To escape from what? "To escape from BOREDOM! To escape from lack of purpose!" Curiously I read a bit further. Well everybody tries to answer the stupid-get you nowhere, unimportant, unnecessary question: what is the purpose of life? All right tough guy, try to defy every text book, every philosophical pamphlet in your little political opinion book. He wrote, "The purpose of life is to live FREE." Completely unprepared and unwilling to be moved I found myself stunned: to live free. To live how you want. Do what you want. LIve how you want to live. So now, we arrive back to the important topic here. The topic of tour. Yes the topic being discussed between Saves the Day, The Deer Hunter, Say Anything and us - Meg and Dia. I'm going to go ahead and throw it out here. Feel free to find my house and egg it. Find my car and empty out the air from my tires. Publicly denounce me. Whatever you want. Just don't you DARE touch Frou Frou, my stuffed cat. Anyway, here it comes: I don't find The Get Up Kids to be legendary. There, I said it! All the respect if you ever had any. Gone out the window. Do what you want to do. Live how you want to live. Uh huh. You know that guy Chris Conelly, yeah, that's the one. He kind of sings and writes and is Saves the Day, the legend, the pioneer. And Max Bemis, yeah the wonder boy genius. Well, they all know. They all like The Get Up Kids. I'm pretty sure, The Get Up Kids wouldn't stick a Meg and Dia cd in for longer than 2 minutes. Perfect. Cool. They don't like it. I don't like it. You don't like it. If you don't like the Beatles that's fine. If you don't like purple. That's fine. If you don't like us you're going to Hell. If you don't like scrambled eggs cool. Granted some opinions are a bit more risky to state publicly than others. But that's how you grow. This is how you become your OWN individual, by judging and discerning your OWN opinions based on knowledge you YOURSELF have discovered. That's who you are. Don't fear it. Do what you want to do. Live how you want to live. Maybe, like in my case, an individual on the tour whom I respect in one of the above mentioned bands might come up to you and say, "Hey you know your OUTRAGEOUS comment about the Get Up Kids?" (here is where they look back and forth tentatively just to be sure no one is listening), "well, I kind of agree with you". Do what you want to do. Live how you want to live.
-Meg Frampton

Here is what I wrote in response to her blog:
Dearest Meg Frampton,

I loved reading this, I can relate it to a lot of recent events in my own life. Sorry if this comment turns out to be super long, I'm kind of bad at articulating my thoughts and feelings.

I write this comment like my questions and concerns are actually going to be answered, but you never know. I assume you guys are very busy and I'm not blaming you guys at all. And its not only you guys I want to hear from, I want to hear from anyone that has any input. Life is so confusing and the more presepctives I learn about, the better I feel.

And is it scary that I know your whole name even though we have never met? Is it scary that we all talk to you so casually even though we probably know nothing about you?

Anywho, I think I am going to search for those two books and read them over my summer break. Oh, I don't mean to digress but while I'm on the topic of summer, don't you guys dare skip Minnesota again while on the Warped Tour...or else...or else...umm...Frou Frou. Ya! Frou Frou sucka! But I love philosophical conversations because if we can't understand one self and how the human mind and how human nature works, there is no point in living I think. I hate how there is so much focus and energy put into scientific advancements and political justifications when we barely know how to live our lives as human beings. Thats why I love it when you guys actually write about your lives and not whats going on musically because you guys really do open up philosophical doors for everyone. Stimulation is a great thing I think.

It sounds like you agree with what you learned from the book, and yes, I think it is a good message too, but there will always be a dichotomy of some sort in every aspect of life. Thats what makes life so confusing and complicated. I think the most important thing in life in balance. I think this world is so crazy you really can't go all out on one thing. Maybe you can go all out on love? Love is something everyone could use more of? But after you think about it, there can be arguments made for how that might be stupid. See, its all to confusing to me and I told you I can't articulate well. And really I don't know where I am going with all this, but I hope it makes a little sense to everyone. So yes, live the way you want to, follow what you believe in because really there is no wrong or right. Do what makes you happy.

How I wish I could just have a short conversation with you guys or people with minds like yours. The human "thought" is a very beautiful thing.

Sometimes I feel like I contradict myself and I feel like a huge hypocrite. Sometimes I feel like I am better than everyone and sometimes I feel like I know nothing. Sometimes I feel Aristotle and sometimes I feel like a big dummy...(Bush...pwah haha, thats mean). Sometimes I feel like I just shouldn't say anything because I will most likely change my opinion on it later and then someone will use my previous statement against me. Sometimes I feel loved, sometimes I feel like no one is there. Sometimes I wish I was naive, stupid, and ignorant because what you don't know really doesn't hurt you. And a lot of the times I don't know how to get my feelings on paper or can't speak what I'm feeling deep down inside because it is so far down in my soul. I use a lot of intuition and people without strong intuition will probably never feel what I feel. Human life and our society really is to confusing to put into words and to keep consistent, so sometimes I just fuck it (I really don't, I always try to be politically correct and respectful and its hard for me to change). I can't please everyone so do what I think and want and say what I want when I want. I brought up in a previous blog how I wanted to be more impulsive, and maybe deep down inside, I knew this would be therapeutic to me but didn't have an excuse to do it. I was actually not going to try it because its to risky, but with some help, I think maybe I can loosen up a little. On Tuesday night I went to go eat with Dean and it was the last time I need to stay at his place this semester. I was going to give him some money since he bought me dinner at a U of M cafeteria with his Ucard and I was going to give him some money since he let me stay at his place all semester but then I stopped and I didn't. Why? I'm not 100% sure. Maybe it is because I'm a greedy fuck. But I thought more and more about it and the excuse I came up with was that even if I give him this money, it won't make him like me more. Sure he will like me a little more for the next 30 minutes but when that appreciation wears off, its back to normal. Giving him that money doesn't mean he will be in my life 20 years from now. This is how I imagined my life with all of my friends. Like I always say, I am a loyal person and I always imagine being with the same group of people until the end but if they don't buy into my system, it doesn't matter. And let me tell you, most of them don't buy into this idea, all most all of them don't. So I thought about it, and I wanted to give him $20-$30 because I really appreciated and still appreciate what he did for me, but really he won't be in my life 20 years from now and I will just be down $30. I regret that I didn't give him the money, and I still might give it to him next time I see him, but thats how I felt. Today I go home with Barnett and I plan on giving him some extra cash for taking me to school and back home with him this year. And I am going to, but why is it easier for me to pay Joe and harder for me to pay Dean? Historically wouldn't Dean be my closer friend? Shouldn't I pay Dean first and Joe second? Is this why my close friends leave me when something better comes up? Anywho, I am just rambling and bitching now. I didn't mean for this blog to get so long but sometimes when I let my heart do the blogging and I don't really think about what is coming out it gets kind of long. I bet when my heart blogs evreything is kind of jumbled and makes little sense. Oh well, I really like it when I blog from the heart and not my brain and it has been a while. Alright alright, the end.