El Fucking

I'm just a frustrated little boy right now. I can't pin point it down to one thing, because just a bunch of events this weekend has made me into a raged child. I am hoping blogging about it quick, listening to loud music, and sleeping it off will make it all go away. Tomorrow a little exercise, more music, and just creating some videos will help me calm down. I wish there was some exciting shit to do to get me up beat again. I wish Warped Tour was tomorrow. It's like I get depressed if I don't go to concerts for an extended period of time.

What is exciting around this place with these people? I wanted to film this weekend but of course people bail out. I just wish people would tell the fucking truth once in a while. Look, if you don't want to do something, just say you don't want to do it. I don't need to hear some fucking excuse. Want to play football? Oh, I would, but I think my dead grandma is dying. Oh, I think I picked up a shift at work. Oh, this and that. Just strait up tell me. I can handle it. Don't lead me to believe something is going to happen just so I can plan the whole thing out and so you can back out 2 minutes after I get everyone together. Football is just an example...and not a good one. I can kind of understand why people don't really want to play football with me. I'm just too fucking intense for people to handle. But I don't think I'm this intense about everything I do. Yes, I like to do things organized, I like to do things right, and I like to do things with passion. So what? Fuck off. Maybe I am a shitty dude, maybe I'm not. I feel misunderstood sometimes. By everyone sometimes. I honestly feel totally alone sometimes. I feel no one understands my philosophy. Maybe the way I think is just total bull shit? How could I be rejected over and over again? I get really confused because I'm just playing by the standards this world has made. I'm just rambling now. I think I talked about this in my previous blog. Sorry for repeating so many issues...I guess it's something that just sticks with me. I wish I just had one best friend, that totally understands me that I can talk to about anything and is just as considerate as I try to be. Is that what ones wife/husband is suppose to be? Something that I can put all my blind faith into and come out on the other end a happy person? I'd like to bond, but I feel sometimes people just don't understand me. What am I? Where am I? Why am I like this? What made me like this? Why can't I just be normal. I'm 21 years old and I currently feel like I just don't have a grip on anything. I have no fucking job. I really don't have any friends. A few. I really feel lucky to have a brother like Dick, a mother like my Mom, and a friend like Jon. But there are barriers even there. Maybe I'm just an impossible person. How can I completely change the person I am? I feel like I am a pretty flexible person. Am I really just that fucking boring? It seems like people just don't really like to be around me. I try to plan stuff to do when I get people gathered, but it never seems to work out. I'd like to go out and have fun. I'd like to be always doing sweet shit. When I suggest things, people brush them off. Look, I'm not going to force anyone to do anything. When I ask others to suggest shit, they don't have anything.

Again, why do I feel these things? Why do I write these things and post them as blogs? I like to document my thoughts once in a while and I like to vent. But sometimes I actually thing I am reaching out for attention. I'm really critical on myself like that sometimes. But hey, I don't know if it's true or false, but at least I can admit I'm a piece of shit sometimes.

This Friday we got to act 4, I believe, in Metal Gear Solid 4. All tight so far. I read that since MGS4 came out, PS3 sales have gone up 700%. Pretty crazy huh? Saturday we were suppose to film, I thought I had all the pieces together, but of course something more important then me comes up. Had to throw that out. Planned basketball instead, but hey, more important shit came up again. Sunday, new movie plans, oh wait, I'm still not worth the time. And I learned some people just don't appreciate me. Hey, I get it. I also understand that people have shit to do and people have lives that don't revolve around me. But when you say that you are there, c'mon, keep your promise. I don't know what to believe any more. People don't believe what I say or give me credit for the things I've done...and when I give trust to others, they just break it. Where am I suppose to go from here? People don't trust me, I try trusting but it all ends fucked up. I did have some good moments too this weekend. I hung out with an old pal who I haven't seen for a bunch of months I think. Always good to see old pals. Even if I didn't have much to do.

Who knows.

I'll probably feel better tomorrow. I just don't want to be in this awful funk anymore. I don't want to waste my summer any more. I keep telling myself I need to do shit to feel good. But when you're in a funk, you just don't want to do shit. It's like an awful circle of shit, and some how you just need to grab your self and break free.

I need something to change my fortunes.
Really, I'm not as crazy as this blog makes me appear. I'm a pretty normal dude. I just get passionate about things, I look to deep into things. Good qualities in ways, but it can get me into trouble. It's just the dude I am. If that means I have to live alone, what can I do. I do enjoy people though.

Passion

Looks like I will have to wait for my first NBA championship, but I am sure come Tuesday I will finally be an NBA champ.

God, lately I have been so passionate about things and kind of emotional. It's like the old Min that was so much fun to be. Like right now, I have nothing to do since Leah is on the computer that I edit my videos on but I can't go to bed because I have to much anxiety from the Celtics game. I've been trying to play a lot more basketball lately and even when I'm playing I feel like I want to be the best and I am much more passionate than I have been. I've worked very hard to suppress my passion for things because sometimes I feel like I get to caught up in things and it offends other people. but lately just everything gets me jacked up. I feel like a female on her period. Maybe I've just found my old drive again. I remember when failure wasn't an option for me. Losing was a disgrace to myself and the people around me. I mean, I always have that philosophy, but I've been more forgiving these last few years. I'm kind of glad that I have a little more killer instinct. I think it's a good time for me to have it. Also, I am glad I played basketball with E-rob today. He is a lot of fun to play with since he does play with a little more emotion than my usual company. I hope to play with him more often. I just can't sit around and do nothing as of late. I need to be production, doing stuff, and competing. If that makes me a jackass, well, that's just who I am. I get made fun of sometimes for being to passionate when it comes to Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I say why not! Could this be the reason there isn't anyone that can take me down at that game? Yes, I know it's just a video game, but if I have this mentality for everything, isn't it good? What if I work hard at being the best son, brother, student, Brawl player, basketball player, whatever! Look, I know I am not playing basketball at a world class level...if I were I'd be playing in the NBA. I'm not stupid, I know I'm not that good. But I still don't see why I can't be passionate and try my best. No one is gifted with everything, so does that mean we shouldn't try at the things that we aren't that good at? This is some peoples philosophy, but it ain't mine. So yes, fuck everyone and kiss my ass. I am better than you. I've been saying that to myself a lot lately...not because I believe it completely, but sometimes I am way to modest and I sometimes get the short end because of it. I am trying to teach myself to be more cut throat. So yes, I will fuck you up. That is what I'm telling myself.

I've been getting some worries comments on my last blog. Let me try and clarify some things. Yes, the story is real. Yes, it's a little sensitive and J.W's quote isn't as direct as it could be. But you needed to be there, the context really pushes it over the top. Yes Jon and I talked about it a little. Jon told me he wouldn't be surprised if his grandpa was a racist. We both know he is a little old, he grew up in a difference culture. No, I am not looking to get FPI into trouble. Why the hell would I do that? People still must not know me. I am unconditionally loyal and loving. I hold family above everything and I try to do the same with friends (even though sometimes I feel like I am the only one giving in that department). Sometimes I say some real shit and it catches people off balance. This is probably why people tell so many white lies. Cause people now'a days just can't handle real shit any more. I'm a complicated person, I am real, but I love to joke. I am really strict about stuff, but I am totally passive. I'm kind of a paradox. I always try to be humble, but I know I need to be confident and a lot of times I tell myself I am better than others. You just kind of have to learn me. Sometimes I feel totally alone. Sometimes I feel like I'm too complicated for anyone to understand. Maybe I'm just too inconsistent. Too crazy, too stupid. Maybe too organized, too smart.

I like the things in life that can't be seen or measured. Only sensed. I think I have a greater sense on these things. It's hard to explain since I can't quantify it and that's how people base things. On facts, evidence, and numbers. I think there is more out there than that. I often ask people can you just see, or can you just feel, and they think I am way off. This is when I feel alone sometimes. I can look into someones eyes and sense things others can't. The other day we met a group of guys at the basketball courts and I was a captain and I needed to draft a team. I didn't draft on raw talent or what people said. I drafted on what I felt, their personalities and things that couldn't be measured. My team would go on to win more games than the other.

I'm being way to cocky tonight. Someone slap some sense into me. Actually no, I'd probably get mad.

Franklin Press Inc.

Before I get to the title of my blog I got to mention a few other things. First thing being the Boston Celtics! LET'S GO! I am upstairs right now watching game 4 and what a joke the first quarter was. The 2nd half just started and I'm calling it now, Boston is going to win tonight. (I'll just delete this part later). But for real, it's going to be so amazing when the Celtics win the championship.

Today I did a lot video editing and learning how to create some cool effects until Tony and Jon came over. (Oh no! Perkins just got hurt!) When they came over, we basically sat around and didn't do much. Kind of sad really.

Anywho, now time for what I really wanted to write about. I had the day off today and as far as I know, I have the rest of the summer off from Franklin Press until they get a bulk of work. I'm really glad they let me work there for a couple of weeks. Seriously, I do appreciate it. However, earlier this week I had the worst day at Franklin Press ever. Along with that, possibly the first time my race was used against me because some racist thought Asians were inferior to whites. I never really thought that my race would ever be used against me, but 21 years of luck finally ran out. So, who played the race card? Well, it was Jon's Grandpa who is referred to as J.W at Franklin Press Inc (FPI). Maybe J.W was just having a rough day that day, but he just had a string of offensive comments and acts. The first one happened early during they day. We were all working in a little crowded room and Jon asked me to movie a pallet for him and of course I told him I would. He wanted me to move a pallet on the side of the room. J.W asks me why I was moving that pallet and I told him Jon wanted me to. J.W goes over to Jon and asks him why that pallet needed to be moved. Jon explained to him why but J.W tells him he has a more efficient way of completing Jon's task. So J.W tells me to move another pallet in the middle of the room surrounded by other pallets. No biggie, if it truly is a better way of doing things, it has to be done. The pallet was in a difficult position to move already, and it doesn't help that I'm inexperienced with the pallet jack. So I lift the pallet and I try to pull it out, but my pallet hits another and I get caught. I push it back and in the middle of my adjustment I feel a hand on my shoulder so I turn around to see J.W. He opens his old face and says to me, "Damn Mihm, you suck!" (Mihm, because the ass-hole still hasn't learned my name). So he takes the jack away from me and lifts the pallet. As he begins to pull the pallet out, the corner of the pallet he is mocing gets caught at the same spot my attempt did. Well, of course I wasn't going to help him so I just sat back and watched him make the same blunder I did. Superiority complex? Maybe. Usually J.W just sits back and doesn't do anything except make fun of people. Doesn't do any work really. Whatever, let the old man have his glory. Let me set up the next story. So remember how Jon told me to move the pallet on the side? He needed to get to a couple of pallets in the middle of a bunch of pallets. Jon found a way where he could 2 pallets and get to what he needed. Not a bad method since there was also an assembly line we needed to work around. However, J.W told Jon he knows a better way where he only needs to move one pallet to get to Jon's objective. However, we needed to stop the assembly line. Either way, Jon submits and agrees to do it the way J.W wanted. After J.W moved the pallet I tried to move, he realized he needed to move another pallet. So while Jon's way would have moved two pallets and not stopped the assembly line, J.W's more self proclaimed efficient method needed two pallets and a stop in the line. J.W fails again. (Boston just won!) Fast forward and skip some other shit J.W did (Ya, I'm lazy). He is the big one that really offended me. There were a bunch of temps working with us that day. Most of the temps happen to be Asain, Vietnamese to be specific. Anywho, a couple of temps and I were assigned to label boxes and stack them. While I was stacking them, I needed to reposition a couple of boxes but it was hard to do it by myself because the stack was too high. I was physically unable to reposition them. PHYSICALLY. So Jon, who is taller than I am, is walking by so I ask him to help me out really quick. Jon lifts one of the boxes and I move the one I need into place. As we are doing this J.W walks by and says, "Can't figure out the jigsaw puzzle with your brains huh?" Jon replies," No grandpa, I was never good with jigsaws." J.W says, "Oh no, not you Jon, those people couldn't figure it out." Who exactly are THOSE PEOPLE? A bunch of Asians? Get this too, Jon told me a a story before this happened. J.W pulled Jon to the side earlier that day and told Jon that he needed to do jobs at FPI that stimulate his brain. Unfortunately, we are part of the production team. We pack boxes, stack boxes, and collate paper. Not much brain power needed. So I was physically unable to reposition the box, and therefore I am too stupid to do more sophisticated jobs. Now the temps don't speak English too well, however, I have learned a little English in my day. So I was able to take offense to his comment. Luckily for J.W and I am a friend of the Franklin family so I am forced to just let that comment pass. Does anyone know how much trouble a business can get into for making racially offensive comments? I do need to pay for college...

Anywho, do let me know.

But here is my warning, if you're Asian, do not work at Franklin Press Inc. They will not respect you.

I Divorce You

Has it been a billion years? Yea, probably.

Just a bunch of random things this time around.

I am waiting for the sleeping midget, a.k.a Dean Kong, a.k.a Turbo BaBear, a.k.a Tabasco, a.k.a Deano Machno to wake up so we can go to CiCi's joint. Place is grubbing and cheap for sure. After that, Jon should be off work, then we are going film some isht maybe and then play some Brawl. We just recently started (Sunday I think?) our Brawl Names/Records/Stats and it is going to be an epic 6 years. I'm not on my Melee pace, but that's understandable since I am playing only Dean and Jon and not other players who are plain jokes when it comes to this game. Sorry to put it like that, but that's life. I bet getting my ass whooped by a better player would ground me.

Here is a cool website I saw.
http://ihatemyroommates2.blogspot.com/

I wish I would have started one of those during my tenure at Melrose. Would have helped me vent and share with everyone the crimes that were going on.

Summer has been great thus far. My summer started kind of late since I had a final in the last possible slot...ever! (Side note: I like adding, "ever," on to statements...makes it more intense. But when that "glow" wears off, it's going to suck). Real life: Ben came over that Saturday and we played hella basketball and we started a new band! I'm like totally pumped to be a part of this band. We have dreams of selling millions of albums. Sunday we did a little CiCi's and more basketball.

The rest of the week hasn't been as dense but I can't say I've been bored yet. I do things around the house and things I want to do before Jon gets off of work and Dean wakes up and come 4 or 5 they come over. Other than those two, I don't really have a bunch of friends any more. Well, Ben too, but he lives in Bloomington and with gas prices hitting about seventeen million dollars per liter the other day it would be a joke to have him come down too often. But I don't mind only having a few close friends. I've always been a follower of the, "Quality, not quantity" saying. Life kind of has this auto-filter, at least mine does, and it filters out the shitty and keeps the good. No wonder the next year is better than the last. As long as I have Dean, Jon, Dick, and Ben, I think I'll be entertained. Of course, this might change a few years down and might seem crazy now, at that time it probably won't be a shock. Oh, and I've been hanging out with Sat a lot more lately too. We weren't really good friends in high school, but some how things have worked out so that we hang out now. Which is a good thing since he is a really good dude. Anywho, time to get cleaned up, wake Dean's dumb ass up and go get our grub on.

ArtH Film Response

(Grand Illusion)

1) I didn't write a note for one specific dialougue that represented the film best but I did write a note about a sound effect that I really thought represented the film. The scene where the solidiers look out the window and watch other marching and talk about the sound. The sound of the marching swells and becomes a huge sound as they mention how much the sound bothers them and the sound continues even as the characters move back in and begin to talk. We had the advantage of subtitles but if we were only listening to the audio we might have had trouble hearing the dialougue. I thought this was meaningful because almost everything that happened in the movie seemd intentional.

2) The movie uses a lot of camera moves within a scene and usually uses a cut to jump locations or scenes. Any scene could be used but I'll just mention the scene with where they are putting on a play. When the one guy storms out and makes the announcement the camera moves around to show everyone in the room. It moves to show the side of the solidiers, the stage, and then back to a front shot of the solidiers all in one shot. A moment that I felt really showed the narrative of the film in a very symbolic manner was the clipping of the flower head.

3)I thought the movie felt very well planned out and did a good job using the Z-axis. I think the use of the Z-axis helped to make the density of solidiers more then there really was.

4) Although the movie seemed very well planned out there were a couple of hiccups. The hiccups seemed to stand out more because of the fact that everything around it was done so smoothly. The scene where the solidier and the wife that is helping them are about to kiss was cut very abrubtly. Also one of the gun scenes compared to another one didn't seem as real because the gun sound was strange and there was a lack of the muzzle flash.

5) What happened in the scene where the solidier and the wife are about to kiss? Was it because the film was damaged or was it really edited like that?

If you have time, help me please.

I am writing a paper and I could use some double checking.
I don't expect people to fully understand the context of the paper (although you might), but I just want to know if it is making any sense so far. I am not finished but just check if what I have so far makes any sense.
Thanks a bunch!

Min Lee
13 March, 2008
Writ 3361
Mary Lay Schuster

Take Home Exam Number One

They way literature and art combine so effortlessly with social movements is somewhat of a curious occurrence. One would not instinctively assume that the two would go together so well the way that the spring rains and the earth combine to create such beautiful green life. However, at the same time the strange fusion of rich and creamy peanut butter with sweet and thick jelly is a bit strange but immensely delicious. Social movements and the progression of the human race are obviously important to our adapting to new times and new challenges. However, without cohesion there is no power behind this progression. One of the best methods to bring people together is through the flexible and creative voice of art. Art is often times arbitrarily defined, but for our case let us define it as: “A medium that has the ability to tap and stimulate our emotions.” If the creator of the message can not find the key to the audience’s heart, the message is not able to find a home regardless of how power the message may be. Once the key has been found, there is no limit on the transfer of information, the opening of new ideas, and the knocking down of the walls of ignorance.
In the novel The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien, O’Brien states: “A thing may happen to be a total lie; another may not happen and be truer than the truth.” O’Brien is not promoting lying here but rather sharing his technique on how to truly and successfully deliver a message to an audience. What O’Brien is saying is that the best way to make someone understand a message is to make them feel the message. Rather than giving the audience the shell of the message, give them the soul of the message. To do this fully, sometimes an author must take a real event and spin it and reformat it and what ever he or she can to it without jeopardizing the integrity of the story, so that it sinks in deeply into the thought of the reader. Real truths are important and nice, but fake truths are sometimes more valuable in delivering the real message.
This paper will cover four pieces, three novels and one film, and show how they used art to explain social movements. The first novel is Dreamer which is a book about the African-American Civil Right movement. The novel follows a character by the name of Matthew Bishop as attempts to find his own beliefs as he helps the famous Martin Luther King Junior. The second novel is The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. The novel is set in the future where a social revolution has changed many of the cultural norms we are used to today. The Handmaid’s Tale has to do with the women’s right movement. The last two pieces both revolve around the Vietnam War. The film Born On The Fourth Of July by Oliver Stone starring Tom Cruise and The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien both follow Vietnam War veterans. Although these books cover different ideas and different movements, a similar theme runs through the books. The theme of love. The authors want us to care and want us to love the world around us. Love is important because when we strip away all the silly man made tangibles and strange man made theories and philosophies, all we have are the organic elements of the world and the connections we build with one another.

Dreamer written by Charles Johnson follows a young man named Matthew Bishop who works with Martian Luther King Junior in their struggle to find equality for African-Americans in America. Matthew Bishop along with his partner and love interest Amy is assigned to monitor a Martin Luther King look alike by the name of Chaym Smith. Chaym Smith used to be a man who lived a righteous and motivated life but due to traumatizing events in his life his foundation of strength was destroyed and he has come to Martin Luther King for help. The book follows Matthew Bishop as he juggles Chaym Smith, the Civil Rights movement, Amy, and his struggle to find his own identity. The book ends with the assignation of Dr. King.
Charles Johnson uses an interesting technique in the book where he inserts italicized segments between the narrative of Matthew Bishop to describe the Civil Rights movement and the thoughts of Martin Luther King with more impact. It allows the audience to see that even the movement took a roll on the great Martin Luther King and that even he questioned continuing the movement at times. It also helps the audience understand with greater clarity that Martin Luther King did not want only equality for the blacks but for everyone. Dr. King truly desired equality which is difficult to understand unless the point is driven in. Charles Johnson also uses another technique where he cuts in pieces of historical fact to blur the lines between history and his fictional narrative. This technique strengthens his story and makes the audience want to believe what is going on even further. (Truth vs not truth here)
The Civil Rights movement was about social equality. Dr. King believed that not one race, or social class, or gender should be superior to the next. He let everyone know that he was not looking to elevate the African-Americans above whites but rather to merge the two races into a harmonious society. Dr. King’s message and philosophy was truly about love.

Human Fate

I'm finished packing and I move back home from Melrose tomorrow. I'm really excited to go back home where I don't have to worry about keeping things in order alone, or keeping things clean alone. Home is some place team work is valued. At the same time, I feel like I am going to miss a certain part of Melrose and my time here. I don't know exactly what it is, but while I was packing I felt sorry almost. I'm no good at goodbyes, maybe that's all it was.

I keep having this reoccurring dream. Actually, I don't know if it reoccurring but there are elements with in the dream that reoccur. It has been a while since this has repeated but I do remember repeatedly seeing a toothbrush where the bristles are not fiber but rather plastic material. I know there are other reoccurring items and elements but I can't recall them at the time being. I wonder if these items hold some sort of symbolic significance? Maybe I am trying to tell or teach myself something. To look out for something.

I just watched something that really made me think. Is human fate moving in circles or is more of a path? Does it not feel like sometimes we going no where? No matter how much we advance or push forward we are always back in the same spot. Why is it that we search for strength, wisdom and greatness? When we get there won't we just want more? We go in circles. If this is the case, aren't you glad that our time here is limited. Life would be pointless. Or, is our path in life a strait line? If this is the case, we are racing time to see how far we can get before our bodies can no longer support our desires. Even if our fates were a strait path, would we want infinite time to live? There has to be an end right? When we get these what is next? Again, this debate about what life really is. What is worse: knowing that we may never reach "the end," or the possibility that we reach "the end" and there is nothing after it. Is this search for power worth it? If we don't have something to chase, what is there to search for?

You know what I hate hearing. I hate hearing peoples excuses when they turn 18. People always tell their parents, "you can't tell me what to do, I'm 18 now." Well if you want to be treated like an adult, act like an adult. Go out and pay for your own shit and support your own family. I'm glad I never used that lame ass excuse on my parents because I knew back that 18 means doesn't mean a damn thing. It is this arbitrary number that man and society picked out. What does number 18 have to do with how mentally strong you are? I know some 21 year olds that are stupider, yes, STUPIDER, than some 15 year olds I know. What the fuck does age have to do with anything? It is some number someone thought would be a good guideline to measure human beings.

What's worse: knowing that the people around you will inevitably leave you, or, fighting for a chance to keep those people?

Follow The Money

I think it's crazy how much our lives are shaped by how much money is around us. Kind of sucks huh? It's that debate about how much of our character is controlled by genes and how much is controlled by our environment. I guess money would fall under environment, but it's a big piece of the pie.

I've been reading a lot lately partly because I have to for my literature course but at the same time, I don't really mind it lately. I used to be a hater when it came to reading large amounts of pages in a short amount of time. The last novel I read was The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. There were a couple of things in the book along with other things that I've encountered in my life that made me think a little. One of the things I thought about was life and death. Some say that we only start the grasp the meaning of life when we stare death in it's eyes. We we can smell it's breath. They say everything becomes so obviously clear. Well what if a 9 year old child is faced with death, do they see the same things as a 90 year old facing death? Maybe their perception of life is even clearer than the 90 year olds who has had his or her vision altered by man made ideas and by society. A child is pure, it has yet to be influenced. Do they die more human than the rest of us? What does it mean to be human?

Why do we make up fake stories? For entertainment I suppose, but still. When looked at critically, it seems kind of foolish doesn't it? Not that I'm knocking it, cause shit, I like fake stories. I like fantasies and I like thinking of "what ifs..."

How strong is the bond of friendship? Over time, I've learned not that strong. I've always said I want to marry a person who is my friend, not someone that needs a partner for the politics of having partner. But is that bond between man and woman (well at least for me, but it can me man and man and woman and woman) and stronger than friend and friend? Why is that bonds between people break? Time? Energy? I can't quite grasp it. I like to think of my self as someone who will always be there...for friend or stranger.

Why are relationships so political now? So mechanical? Why are romantic relationships about what have you done for me lately? Why is it sex fuels romantic relationships? Shouldn't it just be a part of the experience you share together because you care for each other? Why is it shameful to be single? Why would you want to have a boy friend or girl friend just for the sake of having one? Why do people ask, "is he/she right for me?" If you have to ask, shouldn't you know?

I've read a little about Martin Luther Kind Jr., Gandhi, and Jesus lately and there is one lesson they each preached that I've been trying to live by. They believe everyone is equal, even your enemies and that you shouldn't be trying to pass everyone, but to take everyone with you. It's a tough lesson but I've been trying. I always push my self to be better and better and a good way to measure that is to compare my self to my peers. I look up to people who have advanced farther than I have because it lights a fire underneath me and it makes me work harder. Sometimes it's hard to drag people along with you because they aren't willing to put in the work. That's where there is conflict. You shouldn't leave anyone behind. MLK tried to teach us how to live like this but some people were just to stubborn, lazy, ignorant. I'm no example, but we should all strive to be better and teach others to be better.

My hands are cold.

Coochie-Ki

Wow, I haven't blogged since November 7th. Haha. Normally I would feel terrible for not documenting my life regularly, but this time around I don't feel a drop of guilt. What's up with the change? I don't really know, I just don't feel guilty.

So, what have I been up too since Nov. 7th!? Well, I wish I could tell you not a lot and that my life has been ordinary, but I can't. My whole world has been changed mostly due to my visiting South Korea. I don't know what exactly changed me when I was there, nor can I pin-point one event that, but I know ever since visiting and coming back to the States, I see life and the whole world differently. It's crazy! I don't mean "it" as in the world and life, but how much two weeks of meaningful and new experience can change ones life. I can't wait to go back! Maybe someday when I have more time, I'll write about all the things that I did when I went there.

Lately I've been thinking to myself: what if I lived during the time of the Samurai? I think it'd be freaking awesome. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I think I would have made one hell of a Samurai.

School started back up last week and so far I am ahead of the game. I don't think ever in my career at the U of M have I been so caught up in my school work. It feels good, better than good. I am going to use this spare time to watch some episodes of Bleach, which I have been addicted to lately. My episode is probably done loading right now. Either my Internet here at Melrose is really slow or YouTube is struggling which could be since they just did some work on the site. But I need to stay ahead in my homework at least until next Thursday when I plan on seeing Saosin and Armor For Sleep co-headline! Should be a grand time! I've missed going to concerts...I think my last one was the Chiodos/Emery/Scary Kids Scaring Kids/Devil Wears Prada concert. Stacked? Yea, I think so.

Am I a nerd for watching anime and thinking about Samurai? Hell no!
Yahoo!

A Little Harsh

Busy busy times for me. I register for classes this coming Tuesday, however, I have a hold on my registration because I need to pick a major. That's why I am here again waiting to meet my adviser. I was initially going to go with a journalism major to get that hold off but when I called the journalism office they informed me that the journalism major has a special entry process which is closed until spring semester. Now I need to re-plan a go a different route so I can register on time. On top of that, I have two major papers due within 6 days and I need to work ahead of class schedules since I am taking a trip to Korea soon. Why don't I just work on it all this weekend? Oh yea, I might be going to Duluth. If I wasn't so fucking busy, going to Duluth would be a no brainier, but since I am so busy I need to weigh my options a little more. Stressful!
Duluth sounds like a grand time and it appears that a whole gang of people are headed up this weekend. I just wish I wasn't so busy. I really need to work ahead so my Korea trip can be as enjoyable as can be. I am really looking forward to this trip. I am also really confused about airport and international regulations since I've never been out of the country or on a plane since I was one. I'll just go with. I plan to document (via video camera) as much as I can and just try and soak up as much as I can.

This past weekend was really fun. Jon came down from Duluth and brought his neighbor Danielle with him. They arrived in The Hood around 6:30ish and stopped by my place first. We went over to Jon's place quickly to drop some stuff off and see his parents but then rolled to pick Dean up. We sat around Melrose for a little bit with the Celtics game on. Boston looks might impressive and KG looks revived. He almost looks younger (sometimes it's hard to tell since he is so black it all looks the same). After we got a little grub and went back to Jon's. We called Mitch and Andy over and popped in Eternal Sunshine. I think Dean, Andy and I were the only ones to see the movie before that sitting so it was a new experience for most of the people there. Eternal Sunshine is an experience everyone should get around to. I went home early to get some sleep since I had to wake up early for church and I didn't want to be drained for a big Saturday. Church went well, the youth group I lead got into a big discussion which was entertaining to be a part of. Later Jon and crew picked me up from Church and we rolled to Rochester from there. Danielle's cousin, Emily, was a part of a huge volleyball and we were all going to go cheer her on. We got just as they were starting and we got to watch the Owatanna girls high school volleyball team get their whoop on. After we went to go get some Chipotle which was delicious since I hadn't had Chipotle in quite some time. On the way to Emily's house, where we were invited to stay at, we received the invitation to join the volleyball team for a post-win celebration. We accepted the invite and met up with Emily. We didn't do much other than sit around and chat. I tried to get an autograph from my favorite Owatanna player but lacked a pen and a canvas. I was however honored with a dance lesson from the team. They taught me a team dance they perform after one of their players gets a spike. After the team party, we went over to Emily's and watched Donnie Darko. That movie honestly never gets old. You learn something new from it each time. When we finished Donnie Darko we went downstairs were we planned to sleep and just talked until we slowly fell asleep. We left early Sunday and got to The Hood around noon-ish. We all went home to clean up and met up so we could go see 30 Days of Night. We made a Best Buy detour so Jon could pick up a temporary phone since his Razor's screen shattered and he didn't want to pull out of his contract to get a new phone. 30 Days of Night was a entertaining movie, but my opinion should not sway anyone to watch it since I am a huge fan of horror movies. Especially ones where a group of humans work together to survive a mass of infected. These movies always get my imagination running. I thought it was well made. I thought they did blood really well and the movie flowed smoothly. I didn't like how they showed the vampires perspectives, I thought that took away from the movie. After the movie we got some grub and chilled at Jon's house until Jon took off back to Duluth. Overall one of the most enjoyable weekends since school started. It makes me worried that if I pass on Duluth, I will be missing out on a whole assortment of fun.
Since I got to see 30 Days of Night, the only fall movie left on my list is Saw4. I feel kind of naked and disappointed that I haven't seen Saw4 yet and disappointed cause I didn't see it opening night. It had become sort of a tradition. I guess there really wasn't much motivation since Jon wasn't there and the series seems to be going down hill. I'll probably end up waiting until it comes out on DVD. I need to get my hands on 28 Weeks Later and watch that joint over again cause I loved it.

I feel as though I need to apologize for my last blog. It was kind of harsh and maybe unfair. I am comfortable enough to talk to my Mom about anything and we talked about my apartment issue and I told her I vent by speaking with Dean and Jon and also by blogging. She told me that blogging and venting is good, but that if I am going to document my thoughts and leave it open for the public, that I need to watch what I am saying. She told me there is a difference between lying and being respectful. The line might be thin, but she is right when she says that. I guess I just felt like I had to tell the truth and nothing but the truth in my own words (And not sell-out haha). It is something I am going to have to balance better in the future because I am not trying to offend anyone with these bad boys. I just like honing my thoughts.
Before I moved into Melrose people always told me, "never move in with your best friends." I took the tip in, but I wanted to challenge it because I felt like my best friends were different from the average best friends. Well, 2.5 months into it, I got to say rooming with the right best friends rocks. I can only imagine how much better the experience would have been if Jon were a part of it. I can't think of a time where there has been a clash with Dean. It has been all jokes and when we aren't joking we are helping each other with school or other things. So, when people tell you never to room with your best friends, punch them on the nose and tell them they are wrong. Actually don't do that, because they are probably right. I think people like me and people like my friends are the minority. There aren't many genuine people around any more.
One more issue I want to bring up. I don't think I am going to think about this in depth until after my Korea trip, but I think I am going to bring it up. As of now, I think I have about $200 in my bank account which is not enough to pay next months rent. I just received a check for about $300 which puts me at $500 which is just enough to pay for my rent. But if you have been doing the math so far, this leaves me with a balance of $0 after I pay for November. How do I expect to pay for Dec, Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, May, June and July? I really have no clue. So I've been weighing my pros and cons trying to see what might be best for me. I am currently thinking about sub-leasing my contract and staying at home. The benefits would be that I save money that I don't really have. Less stress, because lets face it, rooming with E.H has been extremely stressful. Those two factors alone are enough. But there are cons to this as well. I would need to purchase a car with no money, but I don't think my parents would have a problem with helping me here. But the major thing that is holding me back is that I feel like I am bailing out on Dean. We went into this together and I have been having a blast rooming with him, but if I leave, I feel like I am abandoning him (sell-out?). I keep telling myself not to worry about Dean, that he can take care of him self and that in situations like this where I have no money and stress management is key, I have to look out for what is best for me. But I still can't help it, it is my nature to weigh all scenarios in. I'm kind of stuck in a shitty situation, but I don't think I am going to think to much about it nor will I come up with a decision until after my Korea trip.

Yay, I need to piss and then go see my adviser.

You're Already Dead

Yay! Still an hour plus until my advisory meeting so I need to burn some time. A perfect time to blog in this computer lab like I did so much last year. I finished class about 45 minutes ago and I didn't feel like walking back home to only walk back an hour later for my meeting. The meeting should be interesting. I guess I really don't have something concrete to talk about, but rather I was going to ask my councilor what I should do with the rest of my collegiate career and then my life. Kind of a weird theme huh? But the fact is that I need to pick a major within 2 weeks and whether or not that major correlates to my life and career, it is still going to be an important decision I feel. Oh the chaos and confusion!

So the state of our apartment has been pretty fair as of late. Zak has really raised his understanding and has really tried hard to balance his living style with the style of others. His actions are much appreciated as far as I go. Dean has always been one of the more understanding and considerate people I've known so no worries there, duh. I hate to admit it, but the only hiccup now in our room is Mitch. How someone can be so naive, ignorant, arrogant, self-centered, inconsiderate and hot-tempered baffles me. It's hard to explain what he does, but if you are around him long enough you quickly catch on to his annoying habits. You don't have to live with him to pick these annoyances up. The thing is that it is impossible to talk to him about everything and anything because he just lies about all his insecurities and misdoings. I think he is so far into thinking that he is good at living and everything that he can't accept mistakes. If you confront him about something and he doesn't lie, he just gets angry. Along with this, his logic confuses me. I don't think I have blogged about the story of when he yelled at Zak, which I shall document now. I believe he needed to get up at 6 or something the next morning so he went to bed early. Well, Zak, Dean and myself got into a mild slap-happy mood in the living room so our volume was above normal. Well I walk into my room to brush up and get ready bed when I see Mitch storm by the door, single Zak out and yell, "Seriously, shut the fuck up. I have to get up at 6 A.M." The actions and words independently might not be seen to extreme, but let us consider a few things. One: He is generally, and by generally I mean always, the loudest person when I am trying to get to bed. Bed time for me is around midnight every night since I have morning classes this semester. His over exaggerated laughs and unnecessary excitement over Madden plays or what is going on TV always keeps me up (Even worse, haunts me haha). Two: He seems to put the volume of his laptop and volume of the TV in competition. For some reason he needs to watch YouTube at the same time as ESPN. When YouTube gets to loud, he just raises the volume for ESPN, but when his video is done buffering and ESPN is eclipsing his laptops volume, up goes the Youtube audio. Considerate? I think not. I would feel bad if I was the only one upset about his actions cause I know I can be picky at times. I never want to assume my way is the best way, so I had to make sure and ask my other roommates. The consensus of our room was his actions are not acceptable. I could write about this topic for megabytes and megabytes of server space, but I'll end it after a few more issues. With Mitch, nothing ever stays consistent. It could be that his memory is horrible and he just forgets that he has used something and where that item should be returned, but for some odd reason that item never returns clean or does it ever return. Also, he does this thing when he is done with milk cartons and cans. He rinses them and leaves them out on the kitchen counter-top. Now I am pretty American when it comes to living style, but I did grow up under a Korean roof and I am curious, is this a Caucasian habit? I don't want to make the mistake of a cultural difference. In my house, we usually clean up our mess and it is unacceptable to leave things out expecting other people to throw it away for you. That might just be my house though. I am beginning to think that he owns the refrigerator space as well. He just shoves other peoples items aside to access his and never moves them back. This might be a little picky, but I enjoy it when I am looking for food and it is aesthetically pleasing to look into the fridge. I don't want to think that I am eating mashed up pigs food. I will end with one more issue. A couple of weeks ago we made a "Room 125 Constitution." In this constitution we made a few major rules. One of them was that we would only eat our own food. I asked the room when we first moved in because I knew this was going to be an issue but they all agreed on community food. Now we all have to mark our items of food with a B, D, M, Z or C. Benny, Dean, Min, Zak or community. During the community era, which I knew wasn't going to work, I would probably put in about $30 of food a week with items like bread, water bottles and other much used items. Another major change we made was that everyone is responsible for their own dishes. You use it, you clean it. Pretty basic I think. For some reason this concept hasn't caught on as quickly as I had imagined. This past Monday, we made some amendments to make sure everyone does their part. Mitch admitted to not doing the dishes because he felt others were not doing their part. I once heard a quote that stated that two wrongs don't make a right...or I guess in this case, one wrong doesn't make a right. Because Zak and I confirmed that Dean was cleaning his dishes right after he used them, Zak only uses the food his Dad brings him which is in Tupperware and there wasn't ever any Tupperware, and I clean my isht everyday after class. We gave everyone a 24 hour rule so it was acceptable for me to wait until I got home from class. And I don't mean to be arrogant, but to put it bluntly, I am the standard right now when it comes to overall cleanness. On top of this, we saw items in the sink with Mitch's garbage in it. No one else in our apartment has eggs except for Mitch, so how did that egg covered frying pan, spatula and plate get into the sink? Maybe we have a 5th ghost roommate? Ya, that has to be it.

Along with the issues at the apartment, I've been kind of struggling with the discovery that people lie to me much more than I initially understood. I really thought if continued to be genuinely honest, that karma would work its magic. I always gave people the benefit of the doubt, but now I understand that when you give people that lenience they abuse it and when the do it for so long, it just becomes natural. Lies are so easily seen through. I firmly believe there is no such thing as a good lie when it comes from a liar. It is too obvious. The thing is, I am not one to call people out on their fuck ups so I will continue to get abused. If only people were strong enough to resist societies temptations and standards. Face it fuckers, you will never impress society and other fakes or "hipsters", you might as well start bonding with the people that matter. Don't sell out.
I guess this kind goes along with the liars idea, but I learned about a theory in my psychoanalysis class that really bothers me. In Sigmund Freud's studies of the human unconscious, pre-conscious and conscious, he states that all humans have an unconscious instinct to seek betrayal. That seems pretty ridiculous but how can we prove it right or wrong? I think it really dug into me because for the past 2 years I've struggled with this issue. It really wore me down last year and the only thing that kept me up was music (Good thing Senses Fail's "Still Searching" and Brand New's "The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me" came out when they did). I always asked myself, how does this horrible thing always happen to me? Haven't I always been loyal and caring? Then this theory exposed it self last week. Could it really have been that I have been setting my self up for epic heartbreaks? Consciously, I know I don't ever want to feel that way again. I guess what really eats at me is that if this really is an instinct and I really don't have any control over this, am I really living? I might as well just be a programmed robot that does my internal instincts will. I pride my self with strong logic and strong cognitive abilities but really maybe it's not even me doing these actions. I kind of think of it as my conscious in a vehicle that my unconscious is driving. I can think and see what is going on outside the window, but where the vehicle is going I have no control over. Kind of depresses me.

Almost time for my meeting so I will end on one last topic - the new Armor for Sleep album. Couldn't have come out at a better time. It is like artists and music knows when I need to talk about certain things and they always come out to help (haha, it could be that there is so much music our there, but always by my favorite artists?). It is almost as if Armor for Sleep wanted to talk about liars and betrayal with me. The CD has a theme of critiquing society and how it changes the way people act. "Smile For The Camera" the albums name is pretty self explanatory. I really love how Armor takes shots at hipsters (Listen of "Williamsburg"). There are a few parts in the CD that I don't really like, but overall it is something I really enjoy. The production might have been more fitting for the theme of "Dream to Make Believe" since it has a lot of echo and reverb effects along with chimes and bells but it works for this CD as well. Do your self a good deed and go listen to the whole album. And I don't give a shit what people say about emo music, I think it is fantastic. I really do feel like it is poetry, emotion, human thought, humanitarianism, therapy all in motion. If you can't except that people need to share their feelings, that is to bad for you.

Hipsters

Fuck em.

Golly it's been a while. Much to write about quickly since I need to attend our second house meeting and go work out after. I'll keep the topics short yet meaningful.

I still haven't found the time to talk about the release of Halo3, which seems for ever ago now. I really haven't got to play it much yet, but from what I've experienced I like. Really it can't ever replace the initial shock that Halo2 gave me, but it is a nice little update and reminder of Halo. What I'm trying to say is, it really doesn't feel that much different than Halo2 so it isn't anything new to me. Halo2 was a fresh and new experience and had me hooked for months, but I don't really see Halo3 doing that. It is nice to go home on the weekends and just sit on Halo3 with Jon (Who I miss very much, just had to throw that out) till 4 A.M chatting with him, Red and Danielle. It certainly has made the time away from him seem much shorter. Just being able to talk to him and being able to feel his youth come out my head-set is all worth it. Halo3 is well worth the buy, but it isn't more than I expected. I wish I could play it more often, cause the truth is I've been getting my ass kicked (to my standards) on there. I guess a 1:1 ratio isn't that bad, but it's not satisfying knowing that in my Halo2 prime I could break off about 30 kills at will in a team slayer.

I was lucky enough to experience the Underoath headliner and the Chiodos headliner these past few weeks. Underoath's show was on a Thursday and the Friday after I was a zombie the whole day. I think that morning I woke up, unraveled my legs from underneath my covers, climbed down from my bed and stood there for an uncertain amount of time. With my eyes closed, I stood by the bathroom door not sure what my next move was. Of course my normal morning routine is to take a shower at the point. I paced my self for Underoath which was smart because I was gassed half way through the Underoath set. I sat back for Maylene and The Sons of Disaster who were pretty good. I guess their sound isn't really my favorite but I enjoyed watching and listening from the back. I got into the floor for Poison The Well and jammed out for "Nerdy" which is the only song I really knew by them. I got my rock on for Every Time I Die who motivated the Myth to open up what was possibly one of the biggest circle pits I have ever seen. Dean and Nick got sucked into that circle pit and told me a girl passed out because she fell and got trampled. Lastly, Underoath. Their set was just epic. No other word can really describe what they did on stage. They walked on stage to Salmamir with this video projected behind the drum set. The video was well made and totally creepy. They had these awesome transitions between songs and amazing interludes. Every time they ended a song Aaron hit one if his digital drum pads which was set on this huge bass sound and the projector shot out Underoath's iconic 0. They probably played for at least a hour and fifteen minutes which is crazy long. Way to much Underoath for me to handle (Jigga please...). I got home, swapped some stories, took a shower and went to bed.
The following Monday was time for Chiodos. I felt that this was the best all around concert in October. We waited in this huge twisting line at the Cabooze and when we got in we had to wait for Leah and Zak since they didn't have tickets. I could barely stand still while waiting for them since The Devil Wears Prada were already on stage. Once Zak and Leah got in I quickly assimilated into the crowd. Devil Wears Prada is just hella crazy and I only wish I knew the words so I could have screamoed it up with them. Next was Scary Kids Scaring Kids who I am just obsessed with right now and I don't know why. Their set was really good, but it wasn't life changing or anything. I guess I just really dig their new CD. Emery was the main support and I was extremely disappointed by them. It took them way to long to set up and get on stage which killed the atmosphere and energy and when they did hit the stage their sound was all messed up. I think I could have sung an acoustic ballad louder than their amps were set. It really sucked the energy out of the crowd. Since they took so long to set up, they had to cut their set short and they decided to cut most of their songs from The Question which were the only songs I really knew since I hadn't listened to their new joint much. They did end with Walls which was a wise choice since that is the song most people know by them. Watching Scary Kids and Emery back to back really makes you appreciate keyboardists. The Emery keyboardists did one of the sickest things I had ever seen in concert. He decided to walk on the crowd haha. It was like watching Jesus. Chiodos finished the night off with a bang. They played a nice blend of old and new and mixed it nicely with soft and hard. Craig played a couple of acoustic songs for the encore. The most unique part of the night was when some jackass threw a cup full of ice at Craig between his two acoustic songs. Craig paused and let the dummy know that Craig might sound and look like a girl, but that he could kick his fucking ass. And that there are about 300 other people that would back him. Then he finished the night. It took for ever to get out cause Nick and Zak walked around the venue trying to find Zak's shoe. When we finally did get out I was greeted by B-Nag of Four Letter Lie handing out FLL ads. I was in much better shape after this show and I had enough energy to sit around and chat with the crew. For some odd reason I decided to assign Pokemon characters to everyone when we got home. I'm weird. I came away form these two concerts with an understanding of why good bands are good. Because they are smart and they work hard. When you compare bands, it is pretty obvious which ones practice and think things out and which ones don't. I mean, I'm sure all bands practice their songs, but it shows when a band puts in a little extra work. Although Emery stunk the joint up, their performance would have been very good if it weren't for the poor sound quality. And Underoath - it is obvious that their set was well practiced. It can't be that epic on accident. There are some concerts I was looking forward to in November but it looks like I will be in Korea during those so I guess I wait until some December shows are listed or else some spring tours and then Bamboozle. We'll see.

This past weekend was our second week of football for the 2007 fall season. We had a handful of people bail out so at first the core group of people were going to call the game off but we managed to get a 3v3 game and it turned out to be one of the more entertaining weeks in recent memory and one of the more memorable. We played like 2 or 3 games with one set of teams and then mixed it up to see if we could balance the teams out a little more. We were in our second game with the new teams when the game had to and due to the skin above my eye being split open. Dean and I collided faces and I thought it was just going to be a bruiser but when the guys walked over to check up on me they let me know that my face was bleeding. When I looked up I saw a bunch of shocked faces and they let me know that I was probably going to need stitches. When I saw the cut for the first time in Andy's car mirror I couldn't believe how big the cut was. It honestly didn't feel as bad as it looked and I'm not trying to be macho or anything, but I am curious as to why something like that hurts less then a bruise or something? I've seen boxers with the same cut above their eye and it looks like the end of the world to me, but this cut was honestly like 200% better than a paper cut pain-wise. The worst part was going to the doctors cause it took 4 hours to get 8 stitches. It was horrible. The part that hurt the most was getting the novocaine cause it burned on the way in. Aside from the hospital, the most upsetting part was that we couldn't finish the game. I guess it's a good thing since we were losing in overtime and the other team just got the ball and I hadn't lost all day. Now I can still say I went undefeated that day. I was playing much better football compared to week 1. Our football games have such a different feel to it without Jon. When Jon is on the field it's like there is black-hole on the field that everyone has to pay attention to on defense and offense. I'm a thinker when playing football so not having to worry about Jon takes so much weight off my mind since Jon and I were pretty much not allowed to play on the same team. Anywho, pray that my gash doesn't scar horribly and I look forward to the next time I get to play some football.

I have a couple of important topics I still need to blog about but it'll have to wait since I have a couple of things I still need to do tonight. I've been struggling with a social issue lately and I wanted to bring up a topic I learned about in my psychoanalysis class that really dug into me. Also I've been into music like crazy lately. Maybe because of all the concerts, but it is one of those moments in my life again where it feels like music is the most understanding element around. All I want to do is listen to music and sing lately (which has kind of been hard with my cold). Oh, and I need to update the sad state of our apartment. Mostly just Ernest Hemmingway shit. He sucks at life. I hope everyone is doing better than my eye...because if you're not, your life sucks.

That's Never Been In My Yard Before!

I've just received two horrible notes of news. The first one happened a couple hours ago when Nick called me to let me know that we will not be heading up to Duluth this weekend to visit Jon. Which is a major let down since I had my mind set for about two weeks that we would be going up. I guess playing Halo3 with Jon via X-Box live will have to do. It would have been nice though to go up and chill. The second note I just read off of Absolutepunk is that Fred Mascherino of Taking Back Sunday just left the band to pursue his solo project. I know Taking Back Sunday has had member changes before, but this is the Taking Back Sunday I know and have dug into. Also with the amount of success they have had I really thought this lineup was solidified. What I mean by that is that this member change phase seems different from the last one. During the previous change they were still a growing band but I thought this time they had time to gel and harden. I think it makes it much harder to change. Oh well, we will see what happens. They are writing a record now, so really soon too.

While we are on the topic of music, I might as well continue. Recently I got to hear and watch the music video from System of a Down front man Serj Tankian's new project. Although the song sounds just like System of a Down's material, the video is what hooked me. I mean who else has the balls to set up building blocks in the figure of two buildings and throw a toy plane into it? I know I don't know Serj personally nor have I followed his work that much in depth (I did indulge in the earlier System of a Down songs), but he seems like a real humanitarian. Some one who knows his shit and isn't afraid to preach his opinion. Much respect for Serj Tankian. I look forward to his CD coming out at the end of the month.

I had the chance to catch Good Luck Chuck on opening night and I guess I wasn't disappointed but I wasn't really falling out of my chair laughing either. I guess I'm just a sucker for Jessica Alba movies, and so I've decided I need to put my wiener in check and stop wasting my money on Alba movies. Good Luck Chuck had some funny moments but sometimes I think it was just over the top. Like Dane Cook's sex montage, that shit was crazy, and Dane's friend fucking the grape fruit. Yuck! I would never fuck a grape fruit because that's weird and because my dick would be all citrusy and sticky. With that said, I must admit Jessica Alba is fine/hot/sexy/beautiful/gorgeous/and any other adjective that compliments her looking so god damn amazing. Plus, it was one of those bubbly romantic comedies that everyone has to kind of love unless you're cynical fuck with no romance in your heart. It just has one of those, "I want to hold you forever and you're always on my mind" themes to it. Cute, no?

One last thing before my Ernest Hemingway style blog comes to a close (Pwah haha). During my time away from Jon and Dick, I've felt like the youthful side of personality has been sapping away slowly. I think they both were key elements to me being my self around people. I mean, I'm always my self around people, but they allowed me to be ridiculous when ever I wanted. They let me use my imagination and they were able to follow along with my visuals. I can't do that with everyone and especially around one of my fucking room-mates haha (He is such a buzz kill). This roommate always seems like he comes home with a "I'm going to beat the shit out of my wife when I get home" type of attitude. His temper is one of a kind. If he lived in a more rural area, he would indeed be considered white trash. Without a fucking doubt. I fear for his potential wives already. Not only is she going to have to cook, clean, look after, serve him, she is also going to have to put up with his shit and she probably is going to get slapped around. It's sad that to think women are still actually beat and still looked upon as an inferior sex. Humans and their superiority complex. It really does confuse me, but really when I look at my self from a third person point of view, I am not immune to this complex. It's just human nature to make things easier for them selves and harder for others.

Anywho, I need to check a couple of things, see if any updates appeared on Absolutepunk and then I want to get me some shut eye. Va-holla!

Dean Kong Steals Shit From Target

...Yes, the title is true. It may be hard to believe, but under Dean's monotone exterior is a viscous criminal. A stealing rat that denies any wrong doing, but let the truth be known. Va-holla!

My blogging has been inconsistent at best and that fact does not please me. My last blog was over a week ago. The best excuse I can come up with is that last week was a busy one filled with quizzes and a formal paper and lets not forget the release of Halo3 (More on Halo3 later, or perhaps a separate blog about it). This week should be a little smoother and should allow me to catch up on my readings I have fallen so far behind on. Tonight with my extra time, I tried my luck at curry and rice and it didn't turn out bad. The only thing that was a little messed up were the potatoes. I think I need to chop them into finer pieces and cook them a little longer. It still was probably the best meal I've had since I moved in. And did anyone catch that Padres vs. Rockies game that just ended a few minutes ago? What a game. A couple of other quick sports notes I should mention while on the topic. I won this years Fantasy Baseball league in the closest Fantasy Championship ever. Quan and I ended up tying 5-5 but Yahoo! awarded me with the victory since I beat him twice out of the three meetings during the regular season we had. Add another trophy to my already crowded collection. I am going to need to invest in a larger trophy case soon. Also, after the Monday Night game, I officially have my first Fantasy Football win of 2007-08. My team is coming together a little better and I hope to make a surge soon.

A couple of old notes I want to mention briefly. O.J Simpson is stupid and so are the New England Patriots. I wish O.J and Cochran the best of luck...oh wait, never mind. Ya, good luck idiot. And the Patriots are fucking cheaters, enough said. However, I am glad Randy Moss is back. But if they didn't cheat against the Eagles during the Super Bowl a few years ago, I would be even more baller than I am now.

A lot has been going on in our apartment since the last time I blogged and most of it is negative. Seeing that my bed time is sneaking up on me rather quickly here, I won't get into it with depth. A lot of the issues revolve around Mitch (And from chatting to roommates, I'm not the only one being bothered) and I've been chatting with a lot of outside sources to see what they would do and what they think of the whole situation. I tried to give them my best third person, non-partisan version of the story to those who needed that version so they could be the judge of all that is going on. I never want to just assume that I am the right party. But of course I gave them my side of the story after I gave them the third party version, because lets face it, venting feels good. Anywho, there has been some major bitching, some unfair yelling, and just to much inconsiderate behavior I see that eats away at me. I'm learning a lot about my fourth roommate, Zak. He is a really laid back dude which is nice, but he is really green when it comes to growing up and learning how to live out in the new adult world with new people. I have grown so much over these past three years. He is a little bit naive on things, but I give him a pass because he is two years behind me. Still, he has a lot of catching up to do. I also learned he is kind of a "bro" type. He is like border line bro - kind of like a bro that didn't make the cut with the other bros and is waiting to be called up. The thing is, I can't really relate with bros, and really people that are like me never get along with bros. I consider them shallow people, that's why I'm glad Zak is border line bro. I am not saying Zak is a shallow person because I don't think he is, I'm just saying he sometimes previews the personality type of those kind of people. The Bro-ish, frat-ish kind of dudes. You know, reckless and careless and naive and stupid and dumb and lets not forget gay. Ah shit, va-holla! Oh, however, there is one thing he does that kind of bothers me. He always sleeps on the living room couch. I mean, if we had 4 couches that would be okay, but we don't have enough seating for everyone when he does that. That is what I mean when I say people aren't considerate because well, he does have a bed.

Anywho, time to end this mess. I got to listen to the new Say Anything joint, arrange some things quick and then bed time. Va-holla!

Go Eagles!...guess not

I'm blogging right now in the comfort of my living room while watching the mighty Eagles play the racist Redskins on Monday Night Football. The first half has been pretty mild but I'm hoping for a big second half out of the Eagles. I got a hefty chunk of my mass communications reading done today so I'm giving myself an unnecessary and unearned break. I say this because over the weekend, Friday included, I didn't do jack squat, so now I'm even further behind in my reading.

I was thinking today while I was eating my dinner, why do human beings need to eat so god damn much? When I say "much" I mean both the huge quantity of the food we eat and how frequently we need to eat. While microwaving my frozen noodles it felt like it was only a few minutes ago I had eaten lunch. Albeit it had been roughly 5.5 hours since my last meal, it still feels like I eat much too frequently. Why do humans need to eat so much? That is kind of a rhetorical question because I don't care to hear your scientifically fundamental answer, "It's because we are warm blooded creatures," cause I will just come back with a youthful, "Why?" and when you handle that one I will once again ask, "Why?" I think I've been paying attention to frequency of my meals more closely since tasty food is more difficult to come by now that I'm without the maternal safety net of my mother and since I am a college student with the stiffest of budget. I don't really know where I'm going with this topic but I was thinking about it while eating and I felt like I had to document it.

There has recently been two exceptional CD releases in As I Lay Dying's "An Ocean Between Us" and Chiodos' "Bone Palace Ballet." At first listen I gave As I Lay Dying's CD the higher grade, but just like their first CD it took a bit for the Chiodos CD to grow on me, and now that I've run through it about 25 times, I think it's safe to say it has grown on me. Right now my favorite song of the album has to be "Intensity In Ten cities." I think this Chiodos CD is definitely a progression and has lots of musical growth compared to their first CD. I love how they incorporated strings into their songs, I love the backup vocals (or I guess backup screaming would make more sense in this case), and I think the keyboards are more prevalent in this album. I think who ever is screaming now for the band is much better then Craig Owens as a screamer. When Craig does scream, it sounds like he is scared he is going to hurt his pretty throat. I get this vibe from from Mr. Owens that he fears straining himself when yelling because he to beautiful. This may not be true and just a misinterpretation, I don't know the guy personally, but just from his live performances and You Tube videos I get that vibe. So the new screamer who actually screams/yells is very refreshing to me. I think this CD would have made a better rookie album because I think it is easier to understand for the general public. The first CD is little more complex in my opinion. That doesn't mean the second album isn't bigger and more grown up (because that would just negate what I wrote above), because I do think that the second CD is much more dense and a lot more rich, but something about the second CD that makes me think it would have made a better first CD. I think it would be cool to see the CDs swapped in time periods but the growth between the CDs remain the same. But isn't that how it is with artists today - when they first come up its all about doing what they want and the artistic value of the music but once the music business starts coming into play it affects the music. I guess it really isn't their fault.

Before I end this blog and get ready to go work out I want to write about one more topic. I know I've written about my struggle to adapt to moving in with 3 other guys with abundance lately, but I haven't really written about it with detail so this will be my last bitch-fest unless something new comes up. I have a list of things that I've noticed since my stay and I plan on hitting all of them quickly. I must insert a disclaimer before I start that I am a little bit frustrated at the moment due to reasons I do not care to mention for the safety of peoples feelings. So if I write a little more directly and without cushioning my comments to accommodate to peoples feeling, I apologize in advance. One thing I have listed is the trash bin. Many times I've found the garbage over filling, yet no one has the courtesy to dump the receptacle. I don't see how someone doesn't get the message that if something is over filling, it needs to be emptied. It's so confusing to me because back at home, when the trash is full and you were the one to put it over its brim, it is understood that you need to toss it. I mean, if you don't do it when its full, who are you expecting to do it? Mommy? Min? I've decided that bringing the trash out is one thing I will not do during my stay here because I am responsible for so many other chores around the house. Rather, I will leave the trash bin out as a hint for the others to empty it. In fact, the trash is out in the open right now and has been out since the afternoon and guess what...it's still there. After a while I even opened the top to give another visual clue that it needs to be tossed but instead someone decided to put the lid back on. Hopeless. It's frustrating to say the least. I wish I could be more vocal about it but it's just not my nature to call people out on their short comings. I just don't understand how it doesn't register automatically. Did their parents not teach them the meaning of house work? I'm glad I understand how lucky I was to have my parents support me for so long. I really appreciate everything they did and still do for me and I think my peers take all the benefits of their parents for granted. It's a shame. They still expect someone to do everything for them and being the only person that understands this, the person that does all the house work will be me. (I just walked out to grab a cup of water and the trash is still there...sigh). Another thing that bothers me is how bad these people are at paying attention to details. I've grabbed a dish or cup out of the cupboard with stains all over it or is still wet. Stains mean someone just didn't wash it good enough and it bothers me when our dishes and cups aren't dried yet stored because the moister gives bacteria a necessary environment to cultivate. So I one day built up enough courage to propose that I am willing to clean the dishes alone and the response was incredibly disappointing. Actually, a response doesn't even exist. All I got was mumble from Dean, Mitch kept switching through the TV channels and Zak just sat their accompanying Mitch. I mean how fucking rude is that!? Here I am trying to get some guidelines figured out and offer to clean all the fucking dishes alone and they just brush me the fuck off? That really upset me and made me even more critical of them. Let me remind you that this is only two weeks into our year lease. I plan on having lunch with my Mom on Friday of this week and I plan on venting with her and apologizing for being a slob back at home. My friend Roshani has actually been helping me out a lot just by giving me someone to talk to which has been uplifting. She even came over and called some people out for me (intentionally or intentionally I don't know) which made me feel 100% better. Anywho, I guess they must not have heard my proposal because I often find dishes out of place and strange dishes in the washer that I don't remember washing. It's so obvious when others do it because I always put things in a certain direction and in specific places. Oh! That's another thing that bothers me, nothing ever stays consistent, everything is in a new place each time I look for it. Whether it be the items in the fridge, or items in the cupboards, or things that are layed out else where, etc. Also things never remain strait. I mean if you knock something out of place, put it back into fucking place, is it that fucking hard? Another issue I have with these guys are crumbs. If you spill something, CLEAN IT THE FUCK UP!!!!! Who the fuck do you expect to pick things up after you!? Mommy? Min? I don't get it. If something is spilled, it is obviously not going to move and clean it self. So it just sits there. I hate when someone makes a sandwich because there will be bread crumbs everywhere and I hate when people make ramen because there are broken pieces of ramen all over the stove top and kitchen floor. I must be the only one stepping on these crumbs because no one else seems to mind their new niche. So, if anyone wants some free ramen, please steal some from our place. I hate having to clean the tops of everything and the kitchen floor everyday because there are so many fucking crumbs. Clean up after yourself! Oh, and it is sooooo obvious who does what. I mean one time I watched someone make a bowl of ramen and right after the floor was littered. Not only that, they left the ramen packing out on the counter top. That amazed me. I even know who overfills the garbage cans because I see someone eat something and thats what I see overfilled ready to fall out of the bin. I mean these guys don't even try to hide it which makes me think they are completely oblivious to what they are doing. Which in turn gives me no hope. Another issue along with crumbs are stains. If you spill sauce or something, wipe it because it'll just sit there and dry. One time someone spilled a little jelly on our table and just left it. When I came home from class, I cleaned it, duh, who else? On top of being filthy, they are awfully loud at night. This one doesn't bother me as much and I think I'm just critical about this because so many other things are going wrong, but I mean they could be a little more observant and considerate since I usually go to bed at the same time every night. For some reason the guys think the best time to pump up the TV volume is when I go to bed. The best time to do laundry is when I go to bed, which sucks because the washer and dryer are connected to a wall that is next to my bed. On top of that, a couple of my roommates asked me for some of my music and I was very reluctant to assist them because this just meant more ammunition for them to play at night. So is being independent fun? Yes. Is having your own place fun? Yes. But I think the next 11 months will be a struggle for me unless I can slowly change these guys. With all that said, I know Dean is trying and without his help, I probably would have already snapped. (I think I just heard a new garbage bag being expanded, and this is right after Dean left the room. Surprise that Dean does it...no. I actually think he is the only other person that has dumped the trash other than me). Dean has offered to help clean the dishes, and I personally think his dish washing skills are up to par so I wouldn't mind letting him do it but I would never force it on him. He offered to help me this one day but I couldn't find a way to make it a efficient two man job so I declined and I don't know if I did it in a respectful manner. Just knowing that he cares and actually thinks about doing the dishes is good enough for me. Plus he takes out the trash and he actually wipes the counter tops and observes spills and stains. He even managed to clean out the microwave once, something I forgot to clean. So much respect to Dean. But really, if I had to guess before the move in, would I have guessed all this would happen any other way? I don't think anyone would have guessed Mitch being the hard worker and clean one over Dean. Oh, and we've had guests come over on weekends that haven't helped much either. I saw someone grab items and move it to another area for no obvious reason. There was no significance in the move other then it made the desktop messier. My favorite guest is Andy or Dick easily. Andy comes over, puts his shoes in line with the others, minds his own business, doesn't beg for attention, cleans after him self, is fun to be around, etc. Dick comes over and just plays games haha. Roshani is also a fun person to have over and she is totally someone I can talk to about my struggles. I don't know...I feel bad that I have to scrutinize my friends and maybe I am to critical and to much of a neat freak. I feel bad sometimes that I am like this, but I don't think being clean and considerate is to much to ask of any human being. More the considerate part that bothers me. I wish Jon were one of my roommates because that would make it 3 people who could look after each other and clean after them selves because I know Jon's parents taught him how to clean after he eats. I've seen him do it and he even cleans after all of us after we eat over at his house. Dean usually gives him a hand, and I try to give him a hand when ever I can. But enough bitching, plus its late and pasted my bed time. I must admit it feels good to vent.
I wrote this quickly towards the end so sorry if it's undecipherable.

Lets Call It A Night

It feels like I've been doing homework forever but really I haven't done anything. I've just had this giant political parties course packet in my lap all day but every time I try to read it I get distracted. It is time to be honest with myself, no more homework except for the things that are due tomorrow because today just ain't my day. I'm going to take a little break from homework and blog then I'll probably go work out and then wrap up some loose ends up before bed. Lately it has felt like days are made up of 10 hours. Everything just moves so quickly now. I wish I had time to go outside and enjoy the last few weeks of pleasant outdoors weather and enjoy the suns charity on my skin but with all this school work I've been trapped in my apartment. Plus, the U of M campus is sometimes just to crowded and loud to walk around but at the same time I love how alive it is. Just depends on my mood I guess. Back home when ever I wanted to be outside I would just text Jon and we would find an outdoor activity. That is a luxury I no longer have and something I probably won't experience for quite some time. The thought just makes my heart sink deep. Time and happiness are such valuable qualities we all take for granted. I was cleaning my bathroom after class today and I was having one of those conversations with myself and I thought about the phrase, "time is money" and I thought to myself would it make sense if we said "money is time?" I don't think it makes sense when you flip it around. I think we are so quick to trade in our time for a couple extra bucks, but I would any day trade money in for time. If it were possible, I would like to exchange some money right now to rewind the clock back to when it was summer. When my cell phone would wake me up around 10 just to be snoozed four times. When I would walk out of my room and limp to the bathroom to the sound of my little brother playing Maple Story. When I would make brunch for my little brother and myself while I wait for Jon to get off of work. When I could see my parents when ever I wanted to. When Jon lived down the street and we would struggle to find things to do but we managed to amuse each other every day. That is what my happiness is made up of. I frequently take little 5 minute reading breaks when doing my homework where I just let my mind rest, but this whole week I end up thinking about summer when taking those breaks. All sorts of pains set in when I realize it is almost going to be an entire year until all my wishes will be lived. I try not to think about it since all I'm left with after my break is a huge knot on my throat. I think I feel helpless knowing that I can't make my brother's, my parent's and my friend's days better when I'm not around them. At the same time, I know I shouldn't worry so much because my brother isn't a baby anymore, he is a high school student. My parents are probably the most gifted people I know; I need their protection more then they need mine, duh! I am lucky to have some friends around me and I guess I miss the ability to just walk down the street to see Jon when ever I want. I just can't help but feel lonely.

Ever since we moved into our apartment, Dean and I have been down to the little workout room every night, except for last Saturday when we had company. Well, I've been down there every night but a couple of nights shouldn't count because I got down there late and I had homework left over so I only stayed for like 30 minutes. I am hoping to work off this baby fat. It is convenient that we can just walk down a flight of stairs and get our work out on but it feels so time consuming with school. They have these cameras set up in the community rooms here at Melrose so we can just turn our TVs to a channel to see how busy the rooms are and I just checked the weight room and now would be the perfect time to go down and I'd rather start earlier rather then late so I can be down there a little longer. Plus, I have some left over homework and I start early tomorrow. So more blogging tomorrow.

Her

I need to take a homework break so I decided to blog quickly. I can't be here to long since I have a quiz tomorrow and I still haven't read one of the chapters. I plan on skimming the chapter quickly and hope I pick up the key terms. Not only do I need a homework break, but I need to blog because my soul really needs it. Ever since school started my heart has had this ache and I just can't shake it. I have no idea what is bothering me, but I just get sad and lonely so quickly so I am using this blog as a way to let my heart speak and vent a little.

My blogging hasn't been as regular as I imagined and this is because I switched my class schedule around a little. Last year I got to blog regularly because I had so many breaks between classes and so much down time waiting to go home with Joe, and I thought I could use the breaks between classes this year to get my blogging back on track. The problem with this is, I no longer have any breaks between my classes. I barely have enough time to make the journey across the Washington bridge to get from class to class. Originally I had hour breaks between 3 of my classes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but a course change closed those gaps. I start at 9 am on M,W,F and end at 12. I start at 10 on Tuesdays and Thursdays and end 12, pretty solid eh? Anyway, those class gaps gave me a perfect excuse to blog a bunch but now I no longer have that luxury. It is harder for me to blog when I'm home because I have to clean after the three other dudes and I could just be doing homework. Regardless, I plan blogging at least once a week but hopefully more. I can't complain though, the class set-up is real convenient and class has been going smooth so far. I'm a little behind, but really when aren't we behind with school work.

A couple of topics before I get back to learning about journalism ethics and morals. On top of my random heart-aches, which don't feel like physical heart-aches so don't think I'm having heart attacks, I've been stressing out a little too. A lot is changing not only for me but the other dudes I live with as well. The thing is I've learned I'm sort of this control freak and I feel out of sync when things don't have a certain flow or pulse to it. I'm sure the other dudes are adjusting as well, but they seem so much more laid back then me and I get this feeling that I am getting on their nerves a little with all my direction and subtle criticism. I read a Max Bemis (Say Anything) interview towards the end of my summer vacation and he explained the difficulties about being the leader figure and a control freak and it made total sense to me. He explained that when you have these qualities, you will often be the hated one but you have to accept that and look to strike a balance between philanthropist and disciplinarian. I am trying to find that balance in my new setting but I fear that it might take a little while and I hope things don't crumble before then. I think I need to draw lessons from my experiences as a friend to help me adjust to this new lifestyle. Looking back at my career as a member of "The Hood," I think I did a good job balancing things. Some might say I was unfair, and they might be right, but I did what I believed in and I think things turned out better rather than worse when you look at the over all production. Even just this past summer my logic was challenged by a friend, and I had to step back and re-evaluate my reasoning because I often doubt my self and I try to view my actions in the third person in hopes to keep things fair. I've come to the conclusion that I can't please everyone, but I think I live a fair enough life where I don't obstruct other peoples way of living. In the case of my apartment, I think slowly we will all begin to learn each other preferences and we will look out for each others wants and needs a little more. We will see.

Anywho, I need to go do some more reading so more blogging tomorrow.

To Much At Once

I just got done with the second of my three classes today and still not to much homework. I have a bunch reading in two my classes already but that shouldn't be to bad. I have hour gaps between each of my three classes on Mon, Wed and Fri so I should be able to use these breaks to blog regularly which is going to be nice since my blogging over the summer was very random. I wish I would have blogged during the last few weeks of my summer break because so much happened in a very short and I didn't have a second to spare. I got to hang out with the people most important to me everyday so I consider every moment of the last two weeks or so time well spent. I think there was a stretch in there where we slept over at Jon's house for 4 days consecutively. Remember in my previous blog where I mentioned that challenge Jon and I set for our selves? Well we failed horribly, I think I lost a consistent 2 pounds. I say consistent because your weight fluctuates so easily depending on what you eat and what you are wearing. There was a time within those last two weeks where Jon and I went to the Mall Of America two days in a row, once because we wanted to go to the Mall and once because we went to Ikea the day after so we stopped by the Mall. And then there was a bunch of random stuff like golfing, basketball, Perkins, Ben sleeping over, blah blah blah. Oh, and the official Melrose move in date. I moved a couple of my items in and we had the bros over and slept there for a night but then we went back to the neighborhood because we had things to do. Jon's last night before Duluth was an emotional one. I thought I wouldn't cry but when Jon gave me his goodbye hug I couldn't find it in myself to let go and I tried harder and harder to let go but I just kept holding on and the thought of letting go made me cry. Why are good byes so hard? Ever since that night I've been on an emotional roller coaster, if this is what PMS feels like I feel bad for you ladies.

I am now fully moved into Melrose and so far its been a good experience. Everyone gets along, everyone is respectful, there is enough food to get by on and the apartment stays clean for the most part. Well, it stays clean because of me because I am a neat freak and kind of a control freak. It is a good thing the dudes are a little more laid back then me. It bothers we when things are just thrown around and things aren't strait, it bothers me when there are crumbs all over the place, it bothers me when things are dirty so I have to clean it. It sucks that I've had to clean the dishes all but one time (Thanks Dean), it sucks that I've taken out the trash all but like 2 times (Thanks Dean), it sucks that I have to pick things up, fold things and wipe things down, but it just comes with the territory. Last night the garbage lid wouldn't close because it was so full, but I bet you the person who filled it passed its brim didn't even think about taking the trash out. I just don't get how people could ignore something like that. A couple of times our sink has been full with dirty dishes and I know it would sit until I cleaned them. A couple of times I left the dishes in the sink and I left the trash full to see if anyone would want to take care of them, but no one did so I fixed it. I'm not really blaming my room mates, but it kind if sucks that I'm like this neat freak and I have to put all this energy into maintaining a clean apartment when I live with three other dudes. I wonder if girls are this messy? It makes me really appreciate living with parents who likes things clean and neat. I really miss the security of my Mom. I went home last night and I gave my Mom a big hug. Its only been 5 days and I miss her like crazy. I'll probably end up living at home until I'm like 45 haha. I miss my annoying little brother too haha. I'm trying to teach myself how to sleep with ear plugs because our room is very noisy. The air conditioning at Melrose is very noisy and so when people watch TV they always have the volume way up and since the TV volume is way up people have to speak over the TV so everything just gets louder and louder. And Mitch always does his laundry when I hop in bed haha. And last night Mitch just got himself a laptop and I could hear the music he was playing from his room since there is a vent that just runs through three rooms one being my bedroom. I've been going with the one ear plug technique and just smashing my other ear against my pillow so that when I roll over in my sleep I will have an ear exposed to collect the awful noise that my cell phone makes to wake me up. I am going to experiment with two plugs this weekend to see how that goes, since I don't want to miss my alarm just because I have ear plugs in. Actually, this morning the ear plug wasn't in my ear and it was no where to be found...so I might need to invest in more plugs.
Anywho, time for my Monsters, Cyborgs and Robots class...I think thats what its called.

My Brain Is Melting

I am writing this blog at 4 A.M while I organize all the files on my laptop and hard drive so that I can re-format my virus infested laptop and while I watch Dick, Jon, Red and Mitch play Champions of Norath. I'm not going to front, I am very hungry at the moment and I could go for that left over squid that is sitting at home. That probably sounds nasty to most, but the shit is good as hell. Lets see, what did I do today? The day started off earlier then usual since Jon, Dick and I had to go into work. We got to Franklin Press when we realized that all the doors were locked so Jon called his Dad and he told Jon that Jon forgot the keys at home, so we went back home to pick up the keys and then went back to work. It all was not worth the trouble since we only worked for like a hour and half the time we were trying to stretch the project out. After work Jon and I played multiple games of Strikers. I pretty much dominated him, I'm not going to lie. After we went out and hit up Best Buy so Jon could return some stuff and we made a Taco Bell trip.

Nice, I was writing this blog last night but then in the middle of it I was all like, "Well fuck it, I don't really feel like writing a blog," so I quit but Blogger saved the draft so I might as well post it after I add on to it. Again, I am still hungry because I haven't eaten for a while but you know, thats okay, I need to lose 10 pounds before September gets here. Again, I don't feel like writing to much so I will write something short and then get back to watching the boys get their ass whooped in Champions of Norath. For some odd reason while I laid on Jon's couch when I woke up, I thought to myself about, well, myself. And I guess human beings. I don't know what made me think of this, but what is life really about? The other day my little brother asked my Dad what the meaning of life was because I claimed earlier that between me and my Dad, we know everything. So while we left a store, he tried to prove me wrong and asked me, "What is the meaning of life?" and I told him thats something Dad knows and my Dad replied, "The meaning of life is to work." We all laughed, but when you think about it, its kind of true. Why did we as human beings set up this system of life? With that in mind, I asked myself this morning, "What do I really have in life?" And really, we have nothing except for our mind and our ability of thought. Our reasoning is the only thing we can base anything off of, wrong or right. But really, who can say ones reasoning is right or wrong when it comes to life and its crazy questions. I know I go after what I believe, and I trust my intuition and my reasoning because without it I would be completely lost. My reasoning only has been tested for 20 years, my reasoning can't be as good as someone who has lived for 60 years, but I think my 20 years of testing has strengthened above some of my peers. Anywho, I'm just typing without any thought, its just what I was debating with myself this morning when I woke up. I think about weird stuff when I have down time.

Sue Me

I got to keep this blog short because I need to wake up earlier than I have been since I am going to go do some manual labor over at Franklin Press. Today was an energy filled day since I spent the whole day with the kids from church. Our church went on some cabin trip up about 3 hours north and I was pleasantly surprised at how much fun I had but I'm not going to lie, little kids are exhausting. But I do love playing with little kids and our church has a lot of them ranging from 1 year olds all the way up to blooming high school students. Most of them are really beautiful children and only one or two really give me a hard time. I wish I could offer them more but I can't really come up with what I can do to make their lives that much better. I mean, I have so many limitations. I can only hope that I put a smile on their faces every weekend. On the way up to the cabin I watched Almost Famous which was an okay movie I thought. Nothing I need to brag about or rip on immediately so I'll just keep going with this blog. When I got there we had service and then lunch and then everyone went off to do find their own entertainment. After sitting around and not doing much for a couple of hours the kids and I went to go ride paddle boats and canoes. The boats were flooded because it was raining earlier so I had to pull the paddle boats to shore and drain all of them. While I was doing this a little girl I was ordered to watch fell into some shallow water because one of the other kids ran into her. I ran quickly to her aid but her pants were soaked. I felt awful but she didn't cry so I knew she wasn't to devastated. After some taking the kids out on canoes and paddle boats we all went back to our cabin and laid around and played some cards. After dinner our family headed out and I felt bad that I couldn't spend the night there with everyone but my parents are busy people and I told Jon I would come into work on Sunday. On the way home I just took a nap. When I got home I cleaned up and just surfed the inter-web. More interviews, more blogs, more YouTube. I think I've listened to "The Mighty R-E-A-L" like 5 times today during my limited iPod time. Such a catchy little tune, and it is nice to hear Meg&Dia sing about something other than a book. For the past couple of days, when ever I am on computer I have been streaming the new As I Lay Dying CD and let me tell you, its fucking crazy good. Every song makes me want to get my metal on and they have awesome preludes, interludes and just these cool breaks. Go to their MySpace and stream it!

Damn, its already one and I need to wake up at 9 so I better get to bed. I really wanted to blog about a couple of items but it'll just have to wait! Ni Ni!